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Thank-you all! I wasn't even working on the second one, it was just an outline about old man Hisao looking back on his time with Saki, then...

brythain wrote: ↑Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:03 am “Well, Hisao Scroff, you might be the first, but I don’t think you’ll be the last to be subconsciously influenced by popular lyrics.”

...I heard True Love Waits by Radiohead and I knew what I had to write. I finished it quickly (I normally write slowly), gave it a quick editing pass (I tend to second-guess what I write too much) and posted it before I succumbed to the urge to bury it - it makes me sad too.

Although this contains no smut, it does feature mature themes and may be upsetting. The music video playing in the common room at the start is Lullaby by The Cure.

***

We're sitting in the common room on another tedious Saturday afternoon. We should be making the most of the mid-September weather before we're confined to barracks for the winter but no, this bunch of stick-in-the-muds wants to hang around inside. The teachers have eased up on supervising us now we're in our second term and the senior class reps who're supposed to keep us in line while we're in the dorms are busy with school work, chores, or fucking if the noises coming from Yuna's room are anything to go by. So we've been left to our own devices and I gotta say, boredom is setting in. There's nothing good on telly, one of the girls who thinks she's cool has commandeered the remote and is making us watch prehistoric music videos. I remember my dad listening to this a lot when I was a kid, before he... nah don't dwell on that, he's not worth the effort.

"Noooo, turn it off, turn it OFF!"

What's got into Suzu? Shit, she's bluescreened. "Coming through, shift your arses."

"Yeah, don't get between her and her girlfriend."

Stuck up bitch! "Now now, no need to be jealous, I'm sure you'll find someone one day. Oh wait, I forgot, you've already tried it on with half the boys in the school. Maybe you'll get lucky before you've gone through the other half."

"You cow, I ought to-"

"Leave it Ritsu, you know she'll hurt you if you try anything."

You better believe Miki Miura will put you down if you fuck with her. The boys have wised up, they mostly treat me like a person instead of a pair of tits on legs, there's just a couple of girls who need to be brought into line now.

I scoop Suzu up and head to my room. It's a pain juggling her rigid body as I try to get my keys out, even more so when I go to grab them with my stump. Why can't I get used to not having that hand? Once I'm through the door I dump her on the bed and check her vital signs like Nurse showed me. All good, so I sit at my desk and pick up this week's Number while I wait for her to reboot. Ugh, do they have to put gross sumo wrestlers on the front cover?

"I'm sorry Miki."

"Hey, what for?" I move over and perch on the side of the bed. Big mistake, she limpets on to me as soon as I'm in range. I try to disengage before the power of the sleepy puppy eyes makes me accept my fate.

"You know I'm not unconscious during an episode, I heard you fighting with Ritsu."

"Not your fault she's a bitch."

"You wouldn't have to deal with her bitchiness if it wasn't for me. I don't understand why you care for me, but I'm thankful that you do."

Yeah, I'm not admitting that Nurse was right when he told me looking out for someone would help me feel less empty inside. "What set you off? You haven't had one of those attacks since we came back after the summer break."

"The way he was paralysed on the bed with that creepy guy coming for him."

"I guess it is a freaky video for such a pretty tune, but it's only make-believe, nothing to get upset over."

She shivers. "It brought back bad memories."

"Anything you wanna talk about, or are those sleeping dogs better left to lie?" Oof, I had no idea she could squeeze so hard.

"People are mean, Miki. Ever since I've been having cataplexy attacks someone has thought it funny to mess with me. You can't imagine how it feels to know they're going to do something humiliating to you but not be able to stop them. It hasn't been so bad here once you took me under your wing, which is another thing I've got to be thankful for."

"They've learnt not to fuck with Miki's pals."

"I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think you've been using me as an excuse to get into fights..."

Ouch. I shouldn't underestimate this girl, her sleepy face hides a shrewd judge of character. "Pfff as if I need an excuse to get into a fight!"

"Yeah well, anyway I'm glad that I'm left alone now and you're not having to get your knuckles patched up by Nurse quite so often."

"Wait, you're trying to tell me remembering being given a sharpie moustache set you off? That doesn't fit with the other times, they were triggered by a shock or getting angry enough to spit feathers."

"Are you keeping track of my episodes Miki?"

"Don't laugh at me! I like to be prepared, to anticipate if I've gotta jump in. I had no reason to think you were gonna have a problem today so I was slow to react."

"Well you didn't seem slow to me. Thank you."

Where does she get off kissing me? Lucky it's just on the cheek, if she'd taken proper liberties I'd have... no, don't get sidetracked Miki, she's trying to bamboozle you. "I'm not buying your story Suzu and a half-hearted smooch isn't gonna distract me."

"You're saying you want me to try harder?"

"No! I'm saying start making sense or tell me to fuck off if you don't wanna talk about it. Either way, don't insult my intelligence." Shit, is she going lights out again? "Hey, sorry, I shouldn't push you, it's none of my business."

"It's OK, I need to talk about it, I want someone to know, it's really difficult though."

Damn, she sounds grim. "But is that 'someone' me? The school's got counsellors, the shy girl in our class sees one." So did I, until I made a deal... I don't have a problem with the concept of counselling, it just wasn't working for me.

"I'm not a nut-job!"

"Nor is she. You said yourself that you need to talk and they're professionals, they could help a lot more than some bolshie teen."

"I want to talk to someone I trust, someone I l...like. Right now, that's you."

Yay for me. "OK but I don't know what you're expecting from me."

"Just listen a-and don't hate me."

Hate her? "I can't imagine you doing anything hateful. You're manipulative, judgemental, a bit spoilt, but you've got a kind heart."

"Wow, thanks for the ringing endorsement, I totally see why you put up with me!"

Oops. "I meant that in a good way, I wouldn't hang out with you if I didn't think you were OK."

"I'll save my analysis of your character till later. Do you know what he was singing when the scary guy was creeping up on him?"

"No, I'm not bad at reading English but don't follow well when it's spoken."

"Hold on." Her phone is very fancy, makes my second-hand jobbie look like an antique. "Here's the lyrics, the second verse was being sung when I flipped out."

What. The. Fuck. "Who? I will cut his fucking balls off and stuff them down his throat. No-one does shit like that to my-"

"Calm down Miki, it's OK, I'm safe here."

"What the fuck do you mean 'it's OK'? It's not OK, it's never OK. How can you say it's OK?"

"Like I said, I'm safe here. It won't happen again, especially with you to care for me. My mum is an alcoholic and-"

``Your mum?''

"Looking back I can see she was odd, intrusive, but I didn't question her behaviour when I was growing up. I could never please her. It didn't matter how high my grades were or how hard I tried with my extracurriculars, she always found fault, always pointed out how I could do better, how I would never be as good as her. Things came to a head when I started getting my periods. She completely freaked out, called me a dirty whore who was trying to steal her husband."

"Fuck, what did your dad do?"

"She's relatively normal when he's around and made sure we weren't alone together, which was easy because of his long hours. When he came home I'd be allowed to talk to him for a few minutes then I'd be packed off to bed so he could eat in peace. Some days he wouldn't be back till after I was sent up, other times I'd be so out of it that I might as well not have been there."

She wipes her eyes and glares at me defiantly. "He's a good man, he always looks for the best in people so it didn't occur to him she was trying to drive a wedge between us. He finds my narcolepsy hard to deal with, he hates that I have to cope with the sleepies and the attacks, and I think he blames himself for not being able to fix me. It's only because he wanted to tuck me in one night when he was late home that he found out what she was doing to me."

I don't know if I can listen to much more of this, it's seriously freaking me out, my heart is thumping like I'm in the last twenty metres of the closest race of my life. Oh get over yourself Miki, you're supposed to be a bad-ass and you're not even brave enough to hear your friend out? This is about her, not you.

"Nights when he was back late were the worst. She'd get drunk, come to my room and start laying in to me about my failings. That night she worked herself into a rage, screaming she'd make sure that dad would never want my rancid cunt. I was so shocked I had an episode and there was nothing I could do when she came at me with a lemon reamer. I lay there terrified of what she was going to do, unable to move or even scream, when dad walked in and told her to go downstairs and wait for him. He was super calm but so scary, she went as pale as a sheet and stumbled out.''

"Holy shit Suzu, no wonder the video freaked you out. What happened then?"

"He held me and stroked my hair. When I could move again I clung on to him and sobbed. He said how sorry he was that this happened, how he was a failure for being too distant from us to see it coming. Then he said divorcing her was out of the question but he would make sure I would be protected in future. And I was, the next day he brought home a governess who was more Molly Millions than Mary Poppins."

"So he didn't actually solve the problem? Took the coward's way out?"

"It's not that easy Miki, a divorce would cause huge problems with both families and I'm already an embarrassment."

"Well if he really cared for you-"

"I said it's not that simple!"

Wow, the kitten's got claws. "OK, OK. How much did it fuck you up?" Good, she can smile about it.

"The nightmares were dreadful for a few weeks, but when I saw how broken she'd become, drinking all day, not taking care of herself, I realised that I was the strong one, the survivor. I didn't exactly feel sorry for her, but I found it hard to hate her. Spending time with dad and getting to know him helped too."

"Almost sounds like a happy ending, so how come you're here?"

"I wouldn't say it was a happy ending. It was extremely uncomfortable for us to be in the same house, to be reminded of what she'd tried to do when I saw her every day. Even worse was the hypocrisy, having to present a united front at family events. I understand why but it was awful, it hurt to see dad treating her as if nothing had happened. I was in the last year of middle school while this was going on and when he suggested going to Yamaku I jumped at the chance. I'm hundreds of kilometres away from her, I'm getting proper medical care, a decent education, I feel like I'm able to be a normal teen."

Normal? Yeah, now that I think about it, everyone here has their issues but when it comes down to it we're all just high-schoolers muddling our way through life.

"Apart from missing my dad, I'm pretty happy. There's much less pressure on me and most of the teachers know I'm not being lazy when I fall asleep in class. And I found you, I've never had someone watch over me like you do."

The squeezing again! "Don't get the wrong idea, I'm just looking out for the underdog. How are you feeling? Ready to go back to the common room?"

"No, I can't be bothered with those cows right now. Do you want to head into town for pizza, my treat?"

"You just said the magic words! Your card better not be maxed out, I'm ordering a large with extra toppings. I'll need the energy if I have to lug you all the way back..." Though to be honest carrying her isn't a burden, not even those last few winding turns up to the main gate; she's light enough to pierce my gloom.

Very well written - though I don't think you'd infringe on any copyrights if you just posted the lyrics in question. Having to follow a link to an external page in the middle of reading (something I didn't do) will definitely pull any reader out of the story.

Thanks Mirage! I went backwards and forwards several times on the lyrics (I've had a lot of love for The Cure for decades and last thing I wanted was to infringe copyright, hence linking the band's home page) and I didn't like any of my solutions so I went for an approach that would allow the reader to find them if they wanted, or not if they didn't. The fic doesn't hinge on reading the lyrics or watching the video, but I personally think that the whole package of music, words and imagery is incredibly powerful. Links would probably be better at the end rather than inline though, to remove the temptation to click them...

This one fits between Three of a perfect pair and "You are not alone...", though there's no need to have read either before reading this one. Some mild smut in the middle.

***

" 'A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct.' " Suzu's copy of Dune is nearly as dog-eared as mine, must be one of her favourites too. "See? We absolutely do need to take some time to make sure we're properly in balance. I feel like there's been too many distractions here, we've had no opportunity to figure out how to be together."

"Look if you want a holiday just say so, you don't have to come out with some fancy quote. I'm definitely up for a week of sun, sea and sex!"

I can't help rolling my eyes at Miki. "What do you mean by balance Suzu?"

"It's one thing to run yourself half to death then have a tearful reconciliation in the heat of the moment, it's another to actually make this work. Miki said we have a lot to talk about, which is true, but we haven't done anything. Be honest, what has changed since then?"

"To be fair we've been snowed under with exams, projects, training for the meet. You two are, umm, intimate again so that's changed." Maybe saying I'd rather share Miki than lose her wasn't the right thing to do but I couldn't have done anything else, the thought of breaking up almost gave me a panic attack. I've never had feelings this strong before, it's kinda scary. Sometimes I worry that I'm obsessed by her. I don't think I am, I'm not showing any of the unhealthy signs, but I can't deny she captures most of my attention.

"Well yeah, and I'm doin' my best to make sure you don't feel left out."

Is that a guilty look on Miki's face? I wanted to make her happy, not stress her out. "No no, I don't feel... abandoned, I've hardly noticed a difference with all the studying we've been doing. Suzu's probably right, we should take some time away and work this out."

"Like I said, I'm always up for a holiday. Can you con your parents into letting us use their beach house Suzu?"

"No con required, they suggested I take some friends down. They're in Europe for six weeks, they've finally got tickets for Bayreuth, so as usual they're throwing stuff at me so they don't feel guilty for never seeing me. They said we could borrow one of the cars too, have you got a licence Hisao?"

Wow, she's very matter-of-fact about her relationship with her parents. "No, I was keen to learn but my hospital stay delayed everything..."

"Oh well, I suppose the train's reasonably convenient. When shall we go?"

"How about Monday? Gives me time to do a bit of shopping over the weekend."

"You shopping?! What are you planning on buying?" I'm as surprised as Suzu but I'm not brave enough to say anything.

"Just some... stuff. And things, can't forget the things. I need a new bikini too, I've grown out of my old one."

Ooh I can't wait to see her in a bikini!

"Anyway, I'm off to bed. Thanks for dinner Suzu, it's your turn to cook next Hisao! I'll catch you two tomorrow, thank fuck it's only a half day until the break."

I find myself staring mournfully after Miki as she walks out of Suzu's room. "I guess I should be going as well. See you in the morning."

"Bye Hisao."

She's looking a bit miserable too. At least we've got a holiday to look forward to now, hopefully we'll cheer up once we're away from the pressures here and get a chance to talk things through.

***

We're up early to catch the first train down to the beach house but even though we're off on an adventure, there's not much enthusiasm on display. Suzu's obviously struggling with the sleepies and Miki's looking strained, the tension in her jaw tells me her phantom pains are bad. They're both so brave, there's not a word of complaint as we make our way from the bus stop to the platform. Miki's on one side of Suzu and I'm on the other, making sure she's walking in the right direction and not bumping into anything. I guide us to a bench and put our luggage in Miki's sight. "I'm going to grab something from the Kiosk, do you two want anything?"

"Coffee!" they chorus. Yeah, me too. I'm not feeling as bad as they are but my insomnia didn't let me get much sleep. We must have all suffered alone in our rooms, it would've been better to get together for support like we used to.

I buy the coffees, add tooth-rotting amounts of sugar to the girls', and walk back to where they're slumped against each other. "Coffee's up! The train will be here soon and we'll be able to relax for a while." It's good to see them trying to smile, let's hope this rough start won't cast a shadow over the whole holiday. No, I can't see that happening, Miki is never down for long and her mood is infectious. Besides, seaside! Who can be gloomy when they're near the sea?

***

The change at Morioka gave us a chance to buy fresh coffees as we walked to the platform where we caught the train to Miyako. This leg of the journey will take a couple of hours so we've got time to make ourselves comfortable. I'm glad Miki and Suzu are looking happier than they did earlier this morning. I'm sitting opposite them, a table between us which we've stacked some snacks and drinks on. I attempt to read the article on applications of group theory which Mutou recommended but it's hard to stay focused. Last night's lack of sleep and the beautiful countryside we're travelling through are distracting, though not as distracting as the sight of Miki and Suzu cuddled together. Shouldn't I be feeling jealous? Resenting Suzu for coming between us? Something is troubling me but I can't figure out what. Come on Hisao, analyse!

OK the most important thing is I believe Miki won't ditch me now that she can be with Suzu too. I don't feel threatened by Suzu because what I know of their history tells me she accepts she can't monopolise Miki, she's not going to try to break us up. Same for me, I understand that I don't have the right to tell Miki what to do. Suzu's always been friendly and welcoming, being around her is great fun thanks to her wry sense of humour and our shared love of reading. Truth be told, I've become really fond of her. I didn't like seeing her miserable on Friday so it's good to see a happy little smile on her face as she leans in to Miki. Am I feeling left out right now? Yes, I'd love to be in that cuddle, my troubles melt away when we're touching. But that's not enough to explain what's bothering me.

I can't stop worrying about the guilty expression on Miki's face the other night. Was it a mistake to make her split herself between Suzu and me? There's something right about the way they look together, Miki holding her protectively, Suzu's head on her shoulder. They've been through so much, have such a strong bond, maybe it's me who's come between them. Maybe I should step out of their lives, get off at the next station and go back to Yamaku. Oh, she's not asleep. And just like that, all my uncertainties are swept away as she flashes her dazzling smile and reaches out to me. I clasp her hand and smile back. There's no guilt on her face now, only a satisfied smile as she squeezes my hand and snuggles into Suzu.

"Stand guard Hisao, don't let us miss our stop. I'll make it up to you."

I squeeze back and she sighs happily as she closes her eyes. They have given me nothing but understanding and affection and in return I was thinking about abandoning them. What sort of scumbag would do that? No, I won't run away but we do have to puzzle out how we're going to work together, make sure we're OK with the situation. The look on her face tells me she wants this, there must be a way for us all to be happy. Damned if I know what it is though...

***

The taxi ride to Suzu's beach house didn't take long and I was surprised by how reassured I felt when we passed a hospital. Standing on the drive where we'd been dropped off, I'm impressed by the size of the house and its secluded location.

Suzu points to a wrought iron gate in the hedge. "That path goes to the beach, it's not private but we only really share it with visitors to the local country club and they're usually busy playing golf." She picks up her bag and walks to the door. "Plausible deniability requires us to pick a bedroom each."

Miki laughs at my puzzled look. "The Suzuki family retainers come in every few days to clean and re-stock, we have to maintain appearances."

"The Kobayashis aren't retainers, just a sweet old couple who look after this place. We don't want to be giving them a heart atta- oh sorry Hisao, that was probably rude."

I shrug, "not at all, having had a heart attack I don't want to be the cause of one."

Miki grabs her rucksack and trots past Suzu as she opens the door. "Noooo"' Suzu shrieks as Miki puts on a burst of speed. "She always gets the master bedroom, it's not fair!"

"You Snuzu, you lose-u!" I look up to see Miki on the balcony smiling smugly; how on earth did she get there so fast?

"I'm taking the Green Room then! Hisao, you're in the room next to the kitchen, which means you're on morning coffee duty."

"I'm changing into my bikini now~"

Ummm, yeah, not gonna lie but I've been looking forward to seeing this since she mentioned going shopping on Friday. I go through the door Suzu pointed out to me and find a large room with a bed which looks much more comfortable than the one at Yamaku. I grab swimming shorts and a t-shirt from my case and change quickly enough to be back in the hall in time to see Miki sashaying down the stairs wearing... Well it's technically decent but oh my! That warm yellow is set off perfectly by her tanned skin and those ties! I imagine pulling them slowly, the bows unravelling, the top coming undone...

"Stop drooling Hisao!"

I look around and see Suzu smirking at me. "You have to admit it looks stunning on her!" She's looking pretty good in her bikini too. It's the same colour as her hair with a plunge neckline which makes the most of her figure.

"This old thing?" Miki laughs as she throws an arm around each of us and breathes in ostentatiously.

It's my turn to smirk. "Who's drooling now?"

Suzu giggles, "you're right, she does look stunning. Are you two OK with having a lazy afternoon around the house? I'm still a bit zonked out, I'd rather not risk another attack of the sleepies and need hauling home."

Miki nods, "yeah that suits me fine. Come on, let's not rot inside, I ain't going back more pale than when I left."

We walk through the kitchen into the backyard. It's beautifully maintained with immaculate lawns, a patio with outdoor seating, and a corner shaded by a gorgeous black pine. Miki heads to the lawns closely followed by Suzu who spreads out the towels she's carrying and offers me a bottle of suncream. "Would you mind? She makes such a fuss when I ask her."

"Hey, it's not easy doing that one handed and I hate getting all gunky!"

I nod and take the bottle. Suzu smiles her thanks and lies on her stomach while I do my best to give her an even coating. I can't help noticing that her skin is smooth and warm but she doesn't have the layers of muscle Miki has. She feels different but far from unpleasant. Finishing, I look up to see Miki sprawled on her side, head propped on her stump, smiling at me. "Do you want me to do you too?"

"I s'pose so, shouldn't risk this glorious hide!"

Yeah, she's iron under velvet compared to Suzu who's soft and yielding. Somehow I manage to complete the task without undoing those tempting ties on her bikini. I steal a kiss and say, "I'll be reading by that tree, it's too bright here to concentrate. Enjoy the sun, ladies!"

***

I wake in the late afternoon and the girls are nowhere to be seen, the rumbling noises my stomach is making probably drove them inside. I head into the kitchen and look around for easy things to cook. I have a fair few B-kyu gurume recipes at my fingertips due to being left to my own devices for much of my teens. I find ingredients to make the infamous Nakai Tofu Omurice and get busy.

The rice ready, I'm about to make the omelettes when I feel arms encircling my waist, a body pressing against my back, a kiss on my neck.

"You're a life-saver! I was about to die of hunger."

I lean back into the hug with a smile. "It'll be finished in a couple of minutes. Is Suzu OK?"

"Yeah, I brought her in when I noticed she'd dropped off. Overdone Suzu is nothing you want to be around!"

With a laugh I set the tamagoyaki pan on the hob and beat some eggs while it heats. By the time I've completed the first two, Miki returns with a sleepy Suzu in tow. "Here's yours, I'll be in when mine's done. Do you know where the ketchup is Suzu?"

"Yeah, I'll take it through."

I'm greeted by a chorus of thanks as I walk into the dining area. Suzu's made a good start on her's while Miki's plate is empty and gleaming, looking suspiciously like she's licked it clean.

"That was really tasty Hisao, but as you know I'm a woman-"

"-with insatiable appetites. Yeah, I made you secondsies." The look of relief on her face as I give her another portion of food is comical.

"You're going to hate life when your metabolism slows down," Suzu says in amusement.

"It shouldn't be a problem as long as I keep running, muscle takes a lot of upkeep. I think I'll have some space left for dessert, whatcha got Hisao?"

I shrug, "I got nothing. Suzu?"

"Let me dig around, there's probably something sweet in a cupboard somewhere." She collects our plates and sets off to the kitchen.

"This place is really impressive, what do Suzu's parents do?"

"They're related to those Suzukis, old man Osamu might be tight with the company purse strings but that doesn't seem to apply to family. She hasn't turned out too bad for someone who gets everything she wants."

"I dunno Miki, the way she was talking about her family made me think they don't have much of a relationship. I know I don't see much of mine but I feel...loved."

"Same. Mum was broken up when my dad insisted I go to Yamaku, pretty sure he only put his foot down 'cos he felt guilty. Hey, do you want to come and meet her? I'll be going back home later in the holidays and Suzu usually tags along, one extra won't be a problem."

"Errr, well yeah, but what'll she think about us?"

"I'm not gonna tell her the whole story! When I say we're dating, she'll be glad that Suzu's around to keep an eye on us."

We're still laughing when Suzu reappears carrying a tray with tea and some rakugan. "What's so funny?"

"The thought of you being our chaperone when we visit my mum."

"Oh we're going to see her again this summer? Good, Miyuki's awesome. How about a trip to your parents' place Hisao? We could do a grand tour."

"I can ask, fitting all of us in the house will be a challenge but I'm sure my mum'll find a way."

"If only you had your driving licence, we wouldn't have to stick to train schedules!"

"Yeah yeah, message received loud and clear. I'll look into lessons as soon as we get back."

"Let's make ourselves comfortable while we eat these, maybe there'll be something not too awful on telly."

It was a forlorn hope so after some channel hopping we settle on a music station in the background as we chat about anything and nothing: school gossip, holiday plans...everything but what we need to talk about.

"I'm sorry guys, the narcolepsy is really kicking my butt today. I know we're supposed to be sorting things out but I can't concentrate on what I want to say."

"No biggie princess. I haven't seen you like this for ages, any idea why it's so bad?"

"I guess it's because the last couple of weeks have been intense and I've been pushing myself through with a little help from Nurse."

"You on the modiodal again? I'm gonna have words with that fucker when we get back."

"Calm down Miki! Yes, I had a strictly limited supply of a mild stimulant that's less addictive than caffeine. You know he wouldn't have prescribed it for me if it does more harm than good."

Miki's reaction has piqued my interest. "Is it only that stuff you don't approve of or is it medicine in general?" I have a horrible thought. "You're not an anti-vaxxer are you?"

"I don't know what that is, sounds painful. I just think putting unnecessary chemicals in your body is not the way to go."

Suzu snorts. "The woman who'd live off pizza and burgers given half a chance is worried about what she puts into her body?"

"Chemicals! I googled that shit last time you were on it, apparently they don't even understand how it fucking works!"

"You looked it up? For me? You hate using computers."

"Don't go getting all mushy, I was just trying to find out what I'd be dealing with when it messed you up."

"Of course you were." Suzu leans in and kisses her tenderly. "Thank-you for caring about me."

I've never seen Miki so embarrassed! "If you tried that with my meds you'd be there all day." She's blushing now. "You did?"

"For fuck's sake, is it so hard to believe I'd want to know about the crap you two are dealing with?"

"You could've asked, we'd have talked you through it, right Hisao?"

Umm...oh hell, why not? "I haven't really discussed my issues with anyone but I think I'm ready to tell you about them."

"OK OK, I get the message, we'll add it to the list. Not tonight tho', it's not only Suzu who looks like an extra from a zombie movie."

My afternoon nap helped but Suzu's right about how hectic it's been, it'll be a few more lazy days before I'm running on full again. "You OK getting to your room Suzu?" When she nods I stand up and say, "What about training in the morning?"

"Nah, let yourself sleep through, we'll take it from there."

"See you tomorrow then, sleep well."

***

After a good night's sleep in the most comfortable bed I've ever had the pleasure of using, I walk into the kitchen and see Suzu holding a folded piece of paper. "Good morning! What have you got there?"

"Morning Hisao. I was looking for coffee but found this note, it's addressed to both of us."

I peer over her shoulder when she opens it and recognise Miki's "distinctive" hand-writing. It says:

If we're gonna do this we're gonna do it right. Not me and Suzu, me and Hisao. The three of us sharing EVERYTHING. I'm giving you two some time alone and a care package, you'll find what you need in there to make this isosceles triangle equilateral. If you don't have shit-eating grins on your faces when I get back, we're done.

Who knew Miki paid attention in geometry class? "Does she mean what I think she means?" I can't bring myself to meet Suzu's gaze but from the corner of my eye I see her nodding, her face as red as mine feels.

"So this is why she's been on edge, I thought it was exams but I should've known better. I reckon swapping between us was bringing back bad memories of her dad. Which is fair enough, it's not what I intended either."

What does she mean by that? I notice a shoebox on the worktop which wasn't there when I went to bed so I open it. "I wonder what she's left for us." There's a bottle of lube, some condoms, a scented candle and...is that a pair of handcuffs? What the hell?

"Hisao."

I turn to see an uncertain expression on Suzu's face.

"I've only ever been with Miki, I don't really know what to do with a boy."

"Wait, we're doing this?"

"I know I'm not much compared to her, I'll understand if you're not interested."

That was not what I meant. ``No, that's not... When I said I was OK with sharing I meant I would give you two some space. I didn't expect this."

"I've dreamed about us all being together properly and honestly Hisao, it's so good and I'm not even talking about the sex. That's why I made such a nuisance of myself, I was trying to make it happen. It looks like it's what Miki wants too. The question is, what do you want?"

I want to be with Miki. I'm fond of Suzu but I'm not sure about being in a relationship with her too, I'm still getting used to having a girlfriend! Then again, aren't we already in a relationship? The three of us do most things together, decide things together. How different would it be to the way it is now? Apart from the obvious... I don't know what Suzu's been dreaming but I'd say we work well as a group, it only gets awkward around bedtime. Miki's spent a lot of nights alone recently, I guess I understand why now.

Instead of rushing into something for fear of losing Miki, I need to think this through carefully. I need to have positive reasons. Even if it means breaking up with Miki? We'd break up anyway if I force myself do something I'm not comfortable with. It'd make Miki happy and Suzu just said it's what she wanted all along, are they enough positives?

"Well Hisao, do you like what you see?"

I realise I've been staring at her all this time. Do I like what I see? Miki lights a fire inside me, my feelings for her are fierce and hot. It's not that way with Suzu, I feel...protective? Not exactly, she's too independent for that, but I want to be there when she needs someone. When I'm with Miki, Suzu's the first person I look for as I enter a room; when I'm not she's the second. I feel at ease around her, even when her narcolepsy forces her to tune us out. Looking at her without being blinded by Miki I can see how cute she is. Her messy hair suits her perfectly and that adorable nose is just crying out for boops, those lips for kisses. The t-shirt she slept in is clinging to her in interesting ways...

"Very much. But I wouldn't, umm, share with you just because you're cute or to avoid breaking up with Miki, I'm too fond of you for that. I haven't thought about you in that way before now, I've been focused on Miki, but I'm realising there's a lot of things about you I'm attracted to."

"Well I've thought about you that way. I'm not saying you make me go weak at the knees but I'd like you to be my first boy."

No pressure then! Do I actually have any reasons for not doing this? I know I care for Suzu and I'm starting to see how desirable she is in her own right. It's hardly socially acceptable, but as long as we don't make a spectacle of ourselves we can probably get away with it. It would make two of my favourite people in the world happier and I get to have sex with another girl without my girlfriend killing me. When you put it like that... "I've only been with Miki too, I don't really know what to do with a Suzu." She laughs, I'm glad she seems a bit less nervous, makes me feel less nervous too.

"I'm sure we'll work it out together."

I take a deep breath and hold out my arms for a hug. She's in them like a flash, holding me tight with a quiet sigh of relief. She's small, thinner than Miki... No, stop comparing them. This is Suzu, I should concentrate on being with her. I pick her up like a princess, carry her into my room and sit on the bed.

"Ooh very manly Hisao!"

That's a cute giggle. I didn't realise she's so agile, she's straddled my waist and locked her legs around me. This feels exciting, her t-shirt is riding up, she's not wearing much else. I kiss her, she holds me tighter, opens her mouth to invite my tongue in. I'm happy to oblige. She tastes sweet, like the energy drink she's always guzzling. This is good, she's really into it, I'm really into it. I didn't think she'd be this forceful.

"I'd say you've warmed up to the idea, let's get this off."

Oh no, that's not good, she's unbuttoning my pyjama jacket. The scar!

"Hisao? You've gone all stiff and not in a good way. What's wrong?"

"You know about my heart."

"Of course. Why?"

"They made a bit of a mess of me when they operated."

"If it'll make you feel more relaxed..."

I gasp as she tugs her t-shirt off leaving her in just a pair of green striped panties. Her breasts are small but perky, the nipples standing out against her pale skin. I can't resist, I take one in my mouth and run my tongue around it, sucking gently. Going by the noises she's making I'd say she enjoys this as much as Miki does. There goes my top. I really don't care about my scar right now, I'm more concerned with how tight my pants suddenly are.

I manoeuvre her so she's lying on her back, she's still got her legs wrapped around me, rubbing herself against me, moaning softly.

"Hisao, I need more..."

I shift again, unwrapping her legs so I can lie on my side. I kiss her hard, tongues fighting, and trail my hand down her body, circle my fingers round her belly button. She groans and struggles out of her panties, pushes my hand between her thighs. Aggressive! I feel a familiar, addictive slickness as I part her lips. Her clit is hard, more prominent than Miki's, and she shivers when I apply a little pressure to the hood. She's very wet, we won't be needing the lube. Condoms! Damn.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks as I start to get up.

"I left the condoms in the kitchen."

"Smoooooth. Hurry up or I'll finish without you!"

I'm back in a flash and take the opportunity to discard the rest of my pyjamas. Suzu grasps me and giggles.

"It's hot! And hard, and a bit squishy. Get that condom on, I want to feel what it's like inside me."

"Won't it hurt? You said it's your first time with a boy."

Another giggle. "It won't be the first time I've been...penetrated. I bet you're not as rough as Miki is."

Miki's rough? She's pretty laid back with me. I position myself between her legs and she reaches down to guide me. She lets out a happy sigh as I push all the way in and wraps herself around me.

"Mmmm I like how close we are, it's cuddling but better!"

Yeah, but she's got such a strong hold on me that I can't really...thrust. OK Hisao, if you can't move in one dimension, try the others. I circle my hips which makes her moan in pleasure and grip me even harder. It feels good to be in her, tight and hot, but it sounds like she's enjoying it more than I am. That's fine, there's nothing wrong with making our first time all about her. I speed up a little, add some extra pressure. She gasps and shudders, bites my shoulder. I study her reactions, investigate how different angles or changes in pace make her react. Suddenly she contracts and the force she exerts deep inside has me flinching.

"Ahhh Hisao, stop, please..."

"Sorry sorry, are you OK?"

"Oh yes, I just get really sensitive after I...you know."

Heh, mission accomplished. I withdraw carefully and lie on my back, arms around her. She nestles in to me, rests her head on my chest and plays with my hair.

"That was very good; different, but good. Being able to hold you close felt wonderful."

"Well you are a notorious snuggle bunny!"

She laughs. "Is it supposed to stay hard?"

"I didn't, errrr, finish yet."

"D-didn't I make you feel good?"

I can't let her think she's done something wrong. "It felt great! I was concentrating on you though, I wanted it to be special for you."

She kisses me deeply. "You're a lovely boy Hisao, the only other person who cares for me like you do is Miki. She says I have clever hands, let's see if you think so too."

I feel her take hold of me, tentatively at first but with more confidence as my reactions show her I'm enjoying her touch. I'm starting to understand what she likes about this closeness. The sensation of her body against mine, her breasts pressed against my chest, the smell of her hair, combined with the steady rhythm she's established means I'm reaching my limit fast. Wait, what?

"Err Suzu, is anything wrong?"

She giggles and kisses me. "Deal with it Hisao, endure a little bit of torment now to have a higher high later."

The third time she brings me to the brink is almost painful, my hips are bucking and I'm moaning. She sits up and I feel a warm wetness which sends me over the edge. When I can think again I find Suzu in my arms, resting a hand on my heart.

"I just realised that might not have been the best idea..."

"Miki's made sure my heart won't give out so easily." Why's she raising her eyebrows at me? Oh. "The running! This is the fittest I've ever been and you didn't do anything sudden, it was all gradual build up. Where did you learn to do that? You said I'm the first boy you've been with."

"It's not very different from what I do with Miki, though I don't usually let her off so easy."

That was being let off easy?!

"It's mostly about being observant, seeing what builds pleasure, gauging how close you are to the point of no return. Your reactions weren't hard to read so staying in control of you was straightforward. Do you know what mudita means?"

I'm sure that's something my Buddhist grandma talked about but I can't dredge up a definition from my memory so I shake my head.

"The delight you take in others' joy. Making you react that way was truly satisfying, I feel like I understand you better now."

"Do you think I could do that? It'd be nice to return the favour."

"Of course you can, as I said it's all about paying attention. But I don't like it, it's too much for me. I get so sensitive it hurts."

"What would you like instead?" I can't believe she's suddenly blushing! "Really? After what we've just done, how we've been talking, asking what I can do for you is embarrassing?"

"Not exactly...it's just...what I want might sound weird."

"Try me. You didn't judge my scar, I'm not going to judge you."

"I want to pleasure both of you at the same time, see if I can make you finish simultaneously."

I give her a little squeeze. "Yeah, I get you wanting that. How would it even work though?"

She giggles. "I've had a couple of ideas. When Miki gets back, do you want to try them?"

***

A watched kettle never boils when you and your new lover are in need of coffee. I know that's not a saying, but it should be. While I wait, I'm daydreaming about what I've been doing with Suzu when the door to the backyard opens and a sweaty Miki walks in.

"Well?" I do my best approximation of a shit-eating grin, she punches me on the shoulder. "Don't smirk at me, this is important!"

Oops. "It was supposed to be a shit-eating grin."

"What? Oh! Fuck yeah!"

Suddenly there's a sobbing girl in my arms. "Hey hey, what's wrong?" I've never seen her like this before, she seems overcome and relieved at the same time. She draws back a little and I look at her snotty, tear stained face. I guess it must be love if she's beautiful to me even in this state.

"I was scared you wouldn't do it, that we'd be finished and I'd never get with either of you again."

I feel Suzu join the hug and Miki leans over to kiss her.

"Eww Miki, you're gross! Have you been running yourself to death again?"

"You're a bit fragrant too princess! Hisao gave you a workout eh?"

"I wish, more like I've been doing the hard work while he lies back and enjoys himself."

That's not how I remember it, but OK.

Suzu flicks the note which is still sitting on the worktop. "I'm not saying I disagree with the results, but what brought this on? Thinking about your dad?"

"Yeah, my head understood I wasn't sneaking around behind anyone's back but my heart wasn't convinced. It was eating me up and this was the first chance I've had to do anything about it."

"Why didn't you say something? You were taking a pretty big risk, what if we'd read that and locked ourselves in our rooms?"

"If you couldn't balance out this triangle then it was dead in the water. You might think it was fun to have my pick of partners but it fucking sucked. Whenever I chose one the other acted like a hurt puppy. No, don't look at me like that, you know it's true."

I glance guiltily at Suzu who nods ruefully.

"I was giving you the opportunity to get it on when I left early those nights, but you dumbasses went to bed alone."

I sigh in exasperation. "How the hell were we supposed to know that's what you were doing? Suzu's right, you should've said something."

"You know I'm not so good with words. I understand what I'm feeling but when I try to say it, it comes out scrambled and I end up wanting to hit stuff."

"Well it's done now."

"Yeah, how was it? You didn't do it just to keep me sweet? There's some...thing between you that'd make you want to do it again?"

I nod, "now I've thought through how I feel about her, properly looked at her, it turns out I'm kinda attracted to her. It was good, educational actually."

Suzu giggles and pats my cheek affectionately. "You always were a bit slow Hisao, but I'm willing to forgive you since you performed adequately."

"Yeah yeah. 'Oh Hisao, stop, I am undone by your manly prowess!' "

Joining in the laughter, I realise how much I've missed joking around like this. Miki sets the mood and she's been stressed out so it makes sense that we've been a little downbeat recently. Now there's a joyfulness about us, as if the cork's been popped and we're fizzing all over the place. Suzu certainly popped my cork!

"Come on, let's investigate the new bathroom your parents have had put in. There's enough shower heads for all of us and a huge hot tub!"

Suzu pouts, "don't want a huge tub. How am I supposed to get cuddles if you're all spread out?"

I kiss her on the top of the head. "We'll stay close, can't have you being cuddle-deprived! When we've finished soaking, are you going to run your experiment?" Seeing a puzzled look from Miki I say, "Suzu has a theory about what she'd like instead of that...teasing thing she does, but she needs both of us to try it out." I can't help laughing at the enormous grin which threatens to split Miki's face in half and let myself be dragged upstairs.

As I go to meet my fate I have a sudden feeling of completeness, which is weird because I had no idea there was anything missing from my life. With the filling of a Suzu-shaped hole comes the realisation that, for the first time since my heart attack, I'm excited about where my future will take me, will take us: I can't imagine going there without them.

I wouldn't call that "fluffy"—hammering out interpersonals in a polyamorous relationship is essential and difficult.

And, the way they approached it, hot.

Lots of fun! Thanks for this glimpse inside their dynamics.

And thank-you for the word mudita—sounds like it's a close translation for compersion, which I use a lot in my poly fics.

Multiple showerheads hmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Very enjoyable! Obviously I'm biased but I think it was well written also. I need to write a threesome myself at some point....

The only thing I would say is that Hisao and Suzu seem very straightforward and articulate about their sexual desires and attractions, especially with the former, I typically expect a bit more difficulty in working through such things. But that's not really a criticism, just a way that your versions of these characters differ from what I typically imagine.

Thanks so much, your positive reactions mean a lot to me! Of all the things I've written this was the most painful, involving months of agonising over whether I was portraying Hisao's internal monologue convincingly, justifying his decisions. The re-writes were legion!

Lap wrote: ↑Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:10 am And thank-you for the word mudita—sounds like it's a close translation for compersion, which I use a lot in my poly fics.

You taught me compersion so we're even! I reckon it's a feeling many parents are familiar with: the movie you've taken your littl'un to is dreadful but you're getting a kick out of how much they're enjoying it.

Hanako Fancopter wrote: ↑Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:18 pm The only thing I would say is that Hisao and Suzu seem very straightforward and articulate about their sexual desires and attractions, especially with the former, I typically expect a bit more difficulty in working through such things. But that's not really a criticism, just a way that your versions of these characters differ from what I typically imagine.

This was my thinking for my versions. Hisao is doing what he does best - being influenced by the girl he's with. 18 months or so of being Miki's lover has given Suzu a lot of self-confidence and she thinks of the sensual world between waking and sleeping as her domain. She's read The Tale of Genji and identifies with the hedonistic court life it depicts. Anais Nin is her favourite western author and her copy of Delta of Venus is even more battered than her copy of Dune. In other words, she's a saucy minx!

"What game are you playing, daughter-mine?"

"Eh? I don't know wha-"

"Yes you do. I didn't say anything when you brought Suzu home last summer, I was happy you'd found someone, you weren't repeating his mistakes. Though I was a bit disappointed you didn't admit that she's your lover..."

"Mum!"

"What? You're not exactly quiet you know!" She laughs at Miki's mortified expression. "Did you think I'd disapprove? Well maybe I did at first, a little, but I saw how good you were together. I love that she doesn't take your nonsense and you've become a lot more considerate of others' feelings. But this!"

"What 'this'?"

"Introducing Hisao as your boyfriend when you've got your girlfriend in tow. Why is she putting up with it? If you're exploiting her then you're not too big to be put over my knee, girl!"

"It's nothing like that!"

"So you've broken up with Suzu? The way she looks at you tells me she still loves you, she doesn't deserve to be trifled with."

"No. And I'm not trifling, whatever that is."

"You're cucking Hisao then?"

"No! How do you even know what that is?"

"Wait wait, both of them?" Seeing Miki blush she asks, "at the same time? Don't answer that, I don't want to know. It's all in the open then? Everyone accepts the situation?"

"There's a couple of minor things to work out but yeah, we don't just accept it, we're pretty f-flipping happy about it."

"Well, you sure know how to keep your poor old mum on her toes. I take it Hisao's your side-bitch? I can't imagine Suzu settling for second place."

"Dammit mum, stay off the internet! No, it's an equals thing, no-one above or below the others."

"Huh. So I'll be getting grandchildren after all."

"Mum!"

Okay, this is epic

I don't have a lot to say but I wanted to let you know I laffed

I also laughed. Now we see where Miki gets it from.

Mission accomplised

The following post was written in response to Stiles Long's writing challenge. Each participant was given a list of KS character pairings and a list of locations. One of each was chosen for this fic - see if you can guess what I chose!

***

You're enjoying the forest trails for the first time since graduation despite not knowing what compelled you to walk them again. Something has been pulling you here, distracting you from everyday life; even your wife noticed. You heard the irritation in her voice when she told you to sort yourself out, to take some time away and deal with whatever's troubling you. You also heard what she didn't say: don't bother coming back if you can't. Which is fine, anything would be better than the status quo.

You come across a clearing where the undergrowth has shrunk away from the monstrous tree you remember all too well. The generations of misery it has witnessed have twisted it, leaving it more gnarled than your heterochromic classmate's fingers. You run your hands over the bark, tracing patterns that evoke images of tortured souls fighting to escape its grasp.

It doesn't appear to have changed since the day Rin found you enjoying its shade; the same can't be said for you. Your sedentary career has taken it's toll, not only your spreading middle but the consequential deterioration of your heart. You believe it's just a matter of time until a flutter turns into an attack turns into the end. A relief? Well life is suffering...

"Silly Hicchan~, you shouldn't be wishing your life away."

"Isn't that what you did? Rather successfully if I may say so."

" 'Where's there's life, there's hope.' Just because I had neither, doesn't mean you get to slack off~!"

"You look exactly as you did on the night..."

"The night you wouldn't comfort me. You've changed a lot Hicchan and not for the better~. What would Shicchan think if she could see you now?"

"I've learnt not to deal in hypotheticals. We drifted apart after you left, I wonder sometimes if you were the glue which kept us together."

"Eww Hicchan, I'm not all sticky~."

"Why are you here Misha? Why am I here? I get the feeling this meeting isn't a coincidence."

"Wahaha~! You're not as dumb as you look, which is just as well~. You remember when I said the happier Shicchan got, the more depressed I felt?"

You nod. The events of that night are seared into your memory, you have re-played them a million times hoping for a different outcome.

"Turns out I'm the most depressed when she's unhappy. Why don't you comfort me by comforting her~?"

You're so caught up in watching her Cheshire Cat exit, rejoicing in the relief she radiates as she finally breaks free, you don't notice the sound of leaves crunching behind you until it stops. You know what you will see when you turn around.

[You look like shit.]

[Twenty years of corporate lunches will do that to a man. You, on the other hand, look fantastic.]

[Your accent is appalling. Did you just give up signing when you left Yamaku?]

[There hasn't been anyone to practice with.]

[Weak. I guess she dragged you back too?]

Her haunted eyes make you draw her into your arms. After a moment you feel her relax and return your embrace. When she taps your shoulder you remember it's your cue to disengage, to talk.

[What did you leave behind to come here?]

[Nothing I'm terribly attached to. You?]

[The same. Let's see if the Shanghai is still open, we'll share a parfait in her memory. And then I'm putting you on a diet, I can't believe you've let yourself go like this.]

You take her hand and laugh; in response you hear a faint, unmistakable, "wahaha~!"

That's haunting (no pun intended), sweet, and depressing, all at once. Nicely done, even though I find it hard to applaud any universe where Misha gives in to suicide. Can't say it's unrealistic, especially given the stats on suicide among LGBTQ youth, but it's still sad.

And I'm glad Shizune is putting Hisao on a diet.

"Haven't seen you in 20 years. You look awful. Let's get back together again."