Katawa Shoujo Forums

Dr. Robotnik wrote:Is Miyagi actually the English teacher or was that just fanon? Or are you talking about Pat Morita (please let it be that)?

Ms Miyagi does not have any appearances in the VN, but she is mentioned by Lilly once.
There is a semi-canon story by CplCrud (I think) featuring her.

Kenji rules. Sane Kenji might rule harder.

I've played Brawl with Death before. He mains a wicked Toon Link.

Mirage_GSM wrote:

Dr. Robotnik wrote:Is Miyagi actually the English teacher or was that just fanon? Or are you talking about Pat Morita (please let it be that)?

Ms Miyagi does not have any appearances in the VN, but she is mentioned by Lilly once.
There is a semi-canon story by CplCrud (I think) featuring her.

Ah, good to know. I thought I recalled something like that; it's hard to search the VN for text, though. It's not exactly an easy format to research.

Total Destruction wrote:Kenji rules. Sane Kenji might rule harder.

I've played Brawl with Death before. He mains a wicked Toon Link.

That's sort of why I didn't want to Flanderize Kenji. Keeping him the with frustratingly out-of-his-mind personality just seemed wrong - it needed development. Imagine what he could do with that fanatical attention to detail if he were working on real problems.

Total Destruction wrote: I've played Brawl with Death before. He mains a wicked Toon Link.

Let's see how his puny little projectiles deal with Wario's feature length air dodge.

Helbereth wrote:

Mirage_GSM wrote:

Dr. Robotnik wrote:Is Miyagi actually the English teacher or was that just fanon? Or are you talking about Pat Morita (please let it be that)?

Ms Miyagi does not have any appearances in the VN, but she is mentioned by Lilly once.
There is a semi-canon story by CplCrud (I think) featuring her.

Ah, good to know. I thought I recalled something like that; it's hard to search the VN for text, though. It's not exactly an easy format to research.

It's in Act One, the scene where he first meets Lilly.

I'm about halfway through with Act I, and at the moment I really have no spare time for reading more than one book at a time.(and I prefer to finish The Lost City first) But I'll be there soon enough.

Since I even made it this far, I'm obviously intrigued, and I think you're doing a great job, BUT!

The tenses, man! Pasts and presents are all over the place, blended in a Doctor Who-like everywhen-at-one mix. It's incredibly irritating to see somebody who obviously has a thing for writing, such as yourself make a mistake teachers bash from the 6th grade up! I don't know if anybody has pointed this out before, but I feel compelled to do so.

I'm not trying to be too hard on you, mistakes exist so we can make them, and otherwise you're doing great- both in the story overall and in the details. But I think you should be aware of this, even just so you can avoid it in future scenes. I haven't done much writing myself, but I know well enough how annoying it can be to go back and correct mistakes like this, so I'm going to assume you're not planning on editing it but still, have it in mind.

RecoiL wrote:I'm about halfway through with Act I, and at the moment I really have no spare time for reading more than one book at a time.(and I prefer to finish The Lost City first) But I'll be there soon enough.

Since I even made it this far, I'm obviously intrigued, and I think you're doing a great job, BUT!

The tenses, man! Pasts and presents are all over the place, blended in a Doctor Who-like everywhen-at-one mix. It's incredibly irritating to see somebody who obviously has a thing for writing, such as yourself make a mistake teachers bash from the 6th grade up! I don't know if anybody has pointed this out before, but I feel compelled to do so.

I'm not trying to be too hard on you, mistakes exist so we can make them, and otherwise you're doing great- both in the story overall and in the details. But I think you should be aware of this, even just so you can avoid it in future scenes. I haven't done much writing myself, but I know well enough how annoying it can be to go back and correct mistakes like this, so I'm going to assume you're not planning on editing it but still, have it in mind.

As an excuse, I'll cite this is the first thing I started writing after about 10 years having not written much more than a few lines of prose since High School. Improvement came as I wrote, but the early parts are very rough. The first few parts, especially, are full of errors because I didn't even write them off-site; instead writing them directly on the forum and posting them with minor editing.

This project has also fell to the back-burner while I work on an OC story mainly, as well as some more fantasy-based interpretations. You should know that I do intend to go back and likely rewrite large portions of the first 3-4 (probably all of them, honestly) chapters I wrote for this because there are extensive mistakes in tense, punctuation, dangling errors and a multitude of other infractions.

Basically, I'm relearning creative writing through these projects. At the beginning, I was far more concerned with getting the story across than actually following proper structure -- though the perspective changing is intentional.

18 Days?
18 DAYS!?
*Extremely Loud Crying*

LOL WUT wrote:18 Days?
18 DAYS!?
*Extremely Loud Crying*
*sad Sponge-Bob*

Yeah, well, I'm sorry, I've been distracted. Wrote something on the order of 70,000 words for my OC story as well as another 10,000 for other projects in the meantime. Just haven't had the ambition to go back here in a while - at least not to complete a whole chapter.

I do feel I owe this an update, now, though, so you may have just given me the kick I needed. 18 days? That's preposterous! Sleep? What's that for?

>.>

Stay tuned.

Okay insomnia I never thought I would ask you this but
*Sigh*
Don't let me sleep.

I've only really half-cared for this story, especially when comparing it to other stories, but something to read is something to read I guess.
Consider me somewhat keen.

In the interest of proving this story is not dead, I'm adding the second part of this chapter. Having not devoted much time to it lately, I don't have much written ahead of this, but I still have the outline to follow, so I have a map to reference as I come back to this.

Suffice to say, I still plan to finish this, but updates will come less frequently as I focus on other fictions.

_____________________________________________________
Act2 - Scene 2 - The Original Species (part 2)

The warm air coming through the window is refreshingly fragrant with the smell of pine and fresh-cut grass. Recognizing the familiar combination, Lilly breathes deeply; her olfactory sense had always been astute. The whipping breeze buffeting through the window carries the smell varied flowers and bushes she recognizes from years before – lavender and lilac. Even though nobody has said anything yet, she is certain, based on the slowing of the car and the smells filling her nose, they had arrived at Yamaku.

Smiling inwardly, she can't help recalling the last time she was so close to the school grounds; standing by the gate awaiting Akira's arrival, a stack of luggage by her side, and her arm wrapped in his. The spring air had been cooler then, barely out of winter's chill, but the smells weren't dissimilar. Idealistic teenagers just starting to head out into the world, she remembers feeling uncertain about their future together.

All their futures were still uncertain then, really. Hanako was starting to come out of her shell at the time, and it pleased her greatly to see the independent woman she was becoming. Trips around the world and meeting people who easily looked past her scars had done a lot of good for the timid, clingy youth she had been. Sitting next to her, Lilly wondered how things may have turned out had her friend not been able to see the world was ready to accept her – to look beyond her troubled past; and her scars. That seems like such a silly thing to worry about now, knowing how well she has been doing.

Shiina -Misha- had probably been through nearly as much difficulty on her journey to womanhood. So few people understood how deeply troubled she had been so long ago, and it worried Lilly when she heard the full story. Shizune hadn't made things easy, granted, but Misha's troubles weren't rooted only in their relationship.

Misha's plight was as much an internal struggle with her identity as it was one for the affections of those she loved -loves. People tended to assume she was just a puppet of sorts, and not a real person; Lilly continues to feel guilty of that to some extent. Coming to know the woman, Misha, the girl seems a distant memory. No longer forcing herself to act cheerful through the pain, she accepts who she is and that cheerfulness has become a genuine aspect of her personality, rather than a facade.

Shizune has matured greatly from her belligerent youth. Her cadence has become more thoughtful, and less argumentative, it seems. She always had a certain grace to her actions, but they were often stilted by a sense of ego that permeated the air around her and led to many disagreements over seemingly silly things.

The persistent, sometimes unpleasant, banter they practiced regularly in their Academy days had softened over the years, perhaps largely in part because of Hisao's diplomacy. Communication between them having always been difficult -just on a physical level, never mind philosophical difference- they often disagreed, but Shizune had always tried to be everyone's friend on some level, even if they couldn't see it – so to speak.

The car comes to a sudden stop and Hisao's calm baritone fills the silence, “I think it might take a while to find a place to ditch the car, so why don't you all go have a look around while I take care of it.”

Frowning, Lilly understands the sentiment, but was hoping to have Hisao on her arm for the day. Still, they had just spent a couple hours in the car, and the six of them could stand for some... standing. “I should like to stretch my legs, at least,” she offered to the groaning car-pool.

Misha let out an excited laugh, “Wahaha~! Hicchan, Lilly-chan has you trained well enough to predict her discomfort~?” Her riotous laughter is echoed among the other ladies, and Lilly is soon forced to join in the mirth.

Leaning close, Hanako whispers in her ear, “does he fetch too?”

Lilly nudges against her and scoffs, responding with a giddy whisper, “oh, stop!” she exclaims, “you're terrible!”

Hanako's stifled giggles are all the response she gets, but Lilly can't help be carried into the giggling – like they were schoolgirls again. Returning to a place like this seems to bring out her childish side, and secretly she feels nothing but lightness in the air. Contented by the return to a familiar place she shared so many good memories with, Lilly happily takes their jabs, and laughs the loudest as they empty out of the car.

“I'll come find you, don't worry,” Hisao reassures them, his baritone slightly muffled through the car window. “Hanako, keep an eye on her for me?” he requests.

Hanako's usually small voice is bright and cheerful. “Of course,” she replies, wrapping her arm around Lilly's as she once did. The twining makes Lilly smile broadly and offer her old friend a kindly bow of gratitude. Yamaku still has the same smell, but there have been changes in the layout, no doubt, after a reconstruction project a few years prior.

The car engine rumbles and the tires crunch against the sandy pavement as Hisao drives away to find a parking place. As the sound of his car fades away, Hanako mentions, “he might be off for a while, the place is packed.”

Misha perks up hearing her lament and offers a supportive explanation, “it's a rental, Hana-chan, worse comes to worse he'll roll it into a ditch~!”

The reference to that experience makes Lilly tense for a moment, but the moment passes when everyone busts into laughter. Akira had come to visit during winter break, and took Hisao for a driving lesson. Inexperienced and unprepared, he managed to roll her car off the road into a drainage ditch. Nobody was injured, but they kept it from Lilly for a few weeks anyway; not wanting her to worry over the trivial accident.

As the laughs subside, Samantha's voice picks up over the din asking, “Misha, are you gonna show me around or am I gonna go off wandering myself?” Her accented English is a little hard to get used to, and the speed at which she speaks makes Lilly wonder why she always seems to be in a rush.

Misha sounds a little despondent as she answers, “sorry, Sam-chan, no need to go off wandering," she pauses as if to think or perhaps share a glance, then continues, "I'll show you around~!” Misha's English seems to have picked up Samantha's accent, though she still speaks slowly with measured words. Conversely, her native Japanese is usually spoken with an accelerated lilt – she's still getting used to speaking English, apparently.

Rustling from nearby indicates Shizune's presence -apparently signing something quickly- and Misha translates a few moments later, “Shicchan, are you sure?”

More silent signing follows. Lilly smiles and keeps her composure. After a few moments, a hand comes to rest on her other arm, and she's slightly shocked by the touch. Misha then translates, “well, if you want, I guess I can show Sam-chan around on my own~!”

Hanako steps away and Shizune's arm comes around Lilly's along with a little nudge from her elbow. Feeling slightly uncomfortable at the change, Lilly decides to ask, “am I to understand Shizune will be accompanying Hanako and myself?”

“Wahaha~!” Misha booms, quickly stifling the laugh. “Shicchan wants to catch up with you, and she's willing to use text,” she explains. “Hana-chan you don't mind, do you?” she inquires, sounding a little nervous.

“N-no, of course not,” she replies after a moment. Hanako's stutter still surfaces on occasion, Lilly notes. Old habits die hard.

“We'll be around then; try not to let them kill each-other!” Misha's sarcastic warning puts a smirk on Lilly's face. Shaking her head, she hears a beep from somewhere near Hanako and turns a questioning glance to her friend.

“Shizune sent me a text message,” she says flatly. “She wants to know if Hisao's... proposed, yet,” there's a wistfulness in her voice that seems misplaced considering the question. Almost like she's holding something back.

Shrugging, Lilly answers, “not yet, but I have suspicions...” Looking toward Hanako, she feels a tug from Shizune and hears another beep from Shizune's phone, followed quickly by another from Hanako. Uncertain where to look, she turns to face toward her cousin and offers a faint smile.

Hanako reads the new message, “she wants you to look at her when you talk... so she can read your expressions.”

Still the same Shizune, apparently. Giggling nervously, Lilly nods her assent and returns the gentle tug from a moment ago. “Tell her I'm all ears,” she says with a sardonic edge. Hanako giggles as she types out the response.

Writing out her responses one-handed, Shizune asks about their travels, life in far-away Scotland, and a lot about Hisao. Admitting to a slight, secret crush on him during their school days, she congratulates Lilly on winning him over with seeming ease. Taking the compliment for what it is, Lilly smiles and lets Shizune lead her around the bustling festival grounds.

Finding the text translation surprisingly efficient, Lilly accords the lightness of the conversation to the soft voice of their translator. Hanako is much more prone to back the words with the proper emotional timbre, and the quietness of her speech allows Lilly to understand Shizune's perspective a little better. Perhaps it's not Misha's fault, but hearing Shizune's words through a less forceful voice makes them seem much less biting, she admits.

Wondering if she had always been this way, but was at the mercy of her loud translator, Lilly feels much less apprehensive but also regretful. Not knowing how to even formulate such a question, she lets the issue drop before ever bringing it to the forefront. Instead focusing on learning more about her silent cousin and her recent plight at University.

Distressing though it sounds, Shizune explains about her stormy relationship with a classmate, Cameron, whom she speaks very highly of; except that he has a tendency to over-dramatize their life together. As he studies to be a screenwriter, Lilly isn't surprised by the young man's passion and dramatic perspective, but it seems to grate on Shizune. Every time a small issue arises, it becomes a giant argument and leaves them slamming doors or storming out of study-halls. Mentioning the often passionate aftermath of those spats, Lilly blushes at Shizune's candor.

The last thing Lilly expected out of this weekend was a discussion about relationships with her oft-aloof cousin, but she finds the experience rather liberating. They are family, after all, and Shizune seems to trust Lilly's confidence -as well as Hanako's- which makes her glad. As the discussion wears on, Hanako has trouble keeping up with the diatribe and asks to take a break to rest her eyes, and her legs from the constant reading and walking.
______________________________________________

It's brief, I know, but it's something. Writing it, I struck upon several solutions to nagging problems I had about the following scenes. I admit, I had a bit of writer's block when I left this off, so it hasn't just been other projects distracting me - I wasn't certain how to proceed.

Now I have a better idea of how the day will flow, so, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, but I might be updating this more frequently - at least more often than every 3 weeks.

Oh looky here I found a keyboard that isn't stuck on caps lock and can actually use the A key.
Although it looks like it is from the 17th century.

But anyways I am glad to see it is not dead. You had me worrying for a moment there Helbereth.

LOL WUT wrote:Oh looky here I found a keyboard that isn't stuck on caps lock and can actually use the A key.
Although it looks like it is from the 17th century.

What?

LOL WUT wrote: But anyways I am glad to see it is not dead. You had me worrying for a moment there Helbereth.

What?! Haven't you been reading Tomorrow's Doom?
Also, I just realised our join dates are 11 minutes apart... It's almost as if we are the same person but totally different...

As for the current chapter, I have yet to read it, I'll get back to you on that...

Edit- 5th Aug, 2:20am:
Forgot to read it... Oops...
I swear I will read it now, who needs sleep anyway?!

JTemby wrote: What?! Haven't you been reading Tomorrow's Doom?

Yes I just have short term memory.
Its not official though, but I use it as my excuse.

JTemby wrote: Also, I just realised our join dates are 11 minutes apart... It's almost as if we are the same person but totally different...

Shhhhhh!

Quit Speeding The Secret!