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This was the best chapter in a good while. Was less of the same and more of something different, which is certainly a relief. Hopefully things continue like this, because this is definitely what I've missed from Act 2 and all.

This is gooood!! I love it when Hisao isn't the narrator... and (your) Suzu is an interesting character.

As much as I like this fic, I'm ready for it to end already. Between the plot dragging and Suzu's thoughts seeming to take way too long to get from A to B sometimes I'm just burnt out.

I was just wondering how long it is myself... I just finished the part where Suzu woke up from her date in amusement park dreamland (lol)... and if I wanted too, the ending of that is just good enough that it could be called a romantic end. But that surprise dream sequence date irritated me, but not nearly as much as if she and hisao hadnt kissed when she woke up. >.>

As much as I gushed over Rika's route, Suzu strikes me as the type of girl I would go for. Her inner-personality with its random thoughts and scatterbrained idle musings is really something I find attractive in a girl. And then theres the cute, awkward shyness with a touch of flirtatiousness and a dash of aggressiveness. 4

Wonderful chapter. I was so glad Suzu didn't pick Battleship to play.

I don't mean to go over this again, as it seems to have had like three pages worth of hashing out earlier but I was kinda disappointed by Seiji's demise. Unless he had some weird underlying condition beyond narcolepsy, simply falling off his seat and hitting his head wont cause death; and a pool of blood? Both of these are highly unlikely. However, I could see her filling in the blanks, she fell asleep too (I think), when he died, so she didnt exactly see how he died. That would make sense. Now if they were stupidly sitting on a ledge or were on a crosswalk when they had their plugs pulled and he fell to his death, that would have made a hell of a lot more sense and I could totally see Suzu beating herself up over it and blaming herself. She wasnt wake to catch him and it was her fault he fell and died.

ANYWAY, that chapter had me crying, it was sad, even if it was anticlimatic. You do an awesome job writing, and Suzu has bumped out Rika as my favourite pseudo-route.

Kitsune Spirit wrote:I don't mean to go over this again, as it seems to have had like three pages worth of hashing out earlier but I was kinda disappointed by Seiji's demise. Unless he had some weird underlying condition beyond narcolepsy, simply falling off his seat and hitting his head wont cause death; and a pool of blood? Both of these are highly unlikely. However, I could see her filling in the blanks, she fell asleep too (I think), when he died, so she didnt exactly see how he died. That would make sense. Now if they were stupidly sitting on a ledge or were on a crosswalk when they had their plugs pulled and he fell to his death, that would have made a hell of a lot more sense and I could totally see Suzu beating herself up over it and blaming herself. She wasnt wake to catch him and it was her fault he fell and died.

ANYWAY, that chapter had me crying, it was sad, even if it was anticlimatic. You do an awesome job writing, and Suzu has bumped out Rika as my favourite pseudo-route.

Even then it wasn't REALLY her fault, it feels like survivor's guilt.

He died not as a result of her falling asleep but of the narcolepsy, the condition. Her falling asleep did not set the events into motion. Suzu's confusing correlation with causality. To her, it was a fact that she would protect him and he would protect her. Shit got real, she could do nothing about it, and she feels like it's her fault not because of inaction but because of inadequacy.

To her, it's not her fault because she "did a shitty thing," it's because she "wasn't good enough."

Very interesting story, and I like where it's going. Keep writing, you have a talent for it!

Kitsune Spirit wrote:I don't mean to go over this again, as it seems to have had like three pages worth of hashing out earlier but I was kinda disappointed by Seiji's demise. Unless he had some weird underlying condition beyond narcolepsy, simply falling off his seat and hitting his head wont cause death; and a pool of blood? Both of these are highly unlikely.

Head injuries can and do occur from such falls and can cause death. even seemingly minor head injuries where the person an just get up and walk away apparently fine turns out to have caused a slow brain hemorrhage, causing unconsciousness and death a few hours later.

For most people just falling over onto the pavement/curb won't result is any serious injuries since we will be able to stop ourselves reflexively with hands/arms etc. If you suddenly pass out and land hitting your head on the curb or hard surface, its more that possible to die from it. The pool of blood however i must admit is alittle harder to swallow, unless he somehow managed to sever a major vein or artery (from a simple fall i struggle to see how).

Anyhow, i found this to be an excellent read. The neutral ending stung like a bitch though

Wookie wrote:

Kitsune Spirit wrote:I don't mean to go over this again, as it seems to have had like three pages worth of hashing out earlier but I was kinda disappointed by Seiji's demise. Unless he had some weird underlying condition beyond narcolepsy, simply falling off his seat and hitting his head wont cause death; and a pool of blood? Both of these are highly unlikely.

Head injuries can and do occur from such falls and can cause death. even seemingly minor head injuries where the person an just get up and walk away apparently fine turns out to have caused a slow brain hemorrhage, causing unconsciousness and death a few hours later.

For most people just falling over onto the pavement/curb won't result is any serious injuries since we will be able to stop ourselves reflexively with hands/arms etc. If you suddenly pass out and land hitting your head on the curb or hard surface, its more that possible to die from it. The pool of blood however i must admit is alittle harder to swallow, unless he somehow managed to sever a major vein or artery (from a simple fall i struggle to see how).

Anyhow, i found this to be an excellent read. The neutral ending stung like a bitch though

When collapsing forward, the heaviest part, your torso, will likely drive the fall in the beginning. Since he's ragdolling, after the belly hits and the dragging head retains its momentum, it'd snap forward like a cracking whip. Even perfectly straight on with just the jaw, the jaw would be broken on both sides near the masseter, however that's spelled. It's thinner there specifically for that. Many teeth would be cracked and gums would be fucked up too. That would be survivable but keep in mind how he fell, while walking. Forward momentum, not straight down.

The forehead would've impacted, likely at an angle due to it being midstride. This means the very front of the head wouldn't have been able to absorb the blow. It'd likely be somewhere near the temple. His heart wouldn't give out immediately, so blood would've continued to pump and if you've ever played handegg or been in a fight or something, head injuries that are minor lacerations bleed like a motherfucker.

A pool of blood is entirely plausible.

d3v14nt13 wrote: When collapsing forward, the heaviest part, your torso, will likely drive the fall in the beginning. Since he's ragdolling, after the belly hits and the dragging head retains its momentum, it'd snap forward like a cracking whip. Even perfectly straight on with just the jaw, the jaw would be broken on both sides near the masseter, however that's spelled. It's thinner there specifically for that. Many teeth would be cracked and gums would be fucked up too. That would be survivable but keep in mind how he fell, while walking. Forward momentum, not straight down.

The forehead would've impacted, likely at an angle due to it being midstride. This means the very front of the head wouldn't have been able to absorb the blow. It'd likely be somewhere near the temple. His heart wouldn't give out immediately, so blood would've continued to pump and if you've ever played handegg or been in a fight or something, head injuries that are minor lacerations bleed like a motherfucker.

A pool of blood is entirely plausible.

Ah, i didn't consider that for the bleeding. Thanks.

@Deviant:
If that were true, I'd expect much worse injuries from people who fall down after fainting for whatever reason.
Having fallen to the ground myself once after fainting without suffering any injuries at all, I wonder where you got all your information from...

Edit:
I'm not saying freak accidents do not happen, but your above post reads like such injuries generally happen when someone falls down unconscious.
That's simply not true.

Mirage_GSM wrote:@Deviant:
If that were true, I'd expect much worse injuries from people who fall down after fainting for whatever reason.
Having fallen to the ground myself once after fainting without suffering any injuries at all, I wonder where you got all your information from...

I've seen people bust their head plenty, but I didn't say everyone that faints eats shit. I'm saying that it's possible. I've been tackled a lot and never became concussed but that happens too, as does someone surviving a car crash despite not wearing a seatbelt etc even though it ranges from people being thrown from the car to being bounced around within it.

Another few examples: My ex is anemic. She fainted going down some stairs, got away with bruises. A neighbor of mine tripped going down some stairs and broke both of her legs. Shit gets real, real fast sometimes. Another one to consider would be when someone slips in the shower and gets hurt. I've slipped and just busted my ass, others have broken necks, drowned after being rendered unconscious, cracked skulls, all kinds of crazy stuff man.

Mirage_GSM wrote: Edit:
I'm not saying freak accidents do not happen, but your above post reads like such injuries generally happen when someone falls down unconscious.
That's simply not true.

Then that was my mistake for not being clear. I was explaining how the event we were discussing was possible, not giving a lecture on traumatic injury in general.

For a few seconds I just stand there, absorbing his words as they sink deeper and right to the heart of me but I.

Can’t. I, eyes watering. I manage a nod

Even for someone who's always half-asleep, this seems a little garbled and disjointed.

Feels like we're making progress again, which is generally a good thing.

Unfortunately, you brought out a new board game. And now I have to go all board game geek on you.

Let me preface this with the statement that I see what you were doing from a narrative standpoint, and I can respect that. But your game of life took liberties comparable to Battleship having a special black peg that can sink a ship immediately if it hits - better for drama, but entirely divorced from the game itself. Actually, the Battleship example might have a closer connection to the actual game than the things you said. :p

Any other details aside, your reference to "Millionaire Estates" and "Countryside Acres" places the version as one of the more recent versions (which are horrendous). In these more recent versions, luck plays a much more important role, and salaries (which are flexible) are one of the key deciders of winning. The other element is Life Tiles, which are picked up at certain milestones (such as having kids). There are a limited number of tiles, and once the pile is depleted, you get to steal tiles from other players. At retirement, you choose Countryside Acres, and your tiles are safe, or you choose Millionaire Estates and your tiles are up for grabs. However, the person who goes to Millionaire Estates and has the most cash gets four bonus life tiles. Then tiles are cashed, totals are counted up, and the winner is the person with the most assets.

Insurance costs a pittance, but only really matters if you're unfortunate enough to land on one of a couple tiles. You can buy stock at any time, but you're limited to a single stock. You can have a second if you happen to have a stock when landing on the "Stock Market Booms" space. No life tiles (or cards) earned from stocks, though. The stock cards are numbered 1-9, and when that number comes up, the stockholder gets something like 20k from the bank.

Also, I'm unaware of there being any version where getting married isn't mandatory.

Now, that being said, the clearly superior version was the original version endorsed by Art Linkletter. This version included revenge, "share the wealth" cards, bigamy jokes, and you sold your kids for cash at retirement. Salary was a relatively minor detail, and was fixed. It could give a slight edge, but was hardly game-breaking. It included much more interaction, and Revenge actually allowed you to move opponents backwards. Thematically, It may have been a better version to use due to lucky days (get cash in hand, or risk it for a big payout) and, more importantly, the endgame.

In the classic endgame, you could retire and wait it out, confident that you had the most cash. You hit retirement and let the turns pass (still gain money from the toll bridge and such), waiting to lord your massive wealth over the other players. Alternately, you could risk it all, trying to become a millionaire tycoon. You place all your assets on a number on the number line (1-10), and spin the wheel. If you spin your number, you win immediately (so the guy sitting on a cool billion in cash waiting it out loses). If you fail, you lose everything and you and your family go to live on the poor farm.

Better game, and a more appropriate metaphor. But, if you're actually human and don't care about the specific minutiae of different versions of a largely luck-based game, your cinematic version of the game works, too.