Katawa Shoujo Forums

ArazelEternal wrote:
Dont sit there and think just because your problems may not be as intense as others that they are not just as signifigant. YOU are the one they are effecting. They arent just teenagers problems. They effect people much older than you. Im 26 and I have the same issues. Few friends, no girlfriend and i spend a lionshare of my free time on my computer, tablet (as such, I am currently typing this on my BlackBerry Playbook), or smartphone and hardly get out and meet people. I know where you are coming from.

Are you doing anything about it?

When I was in the first year of university I remember walking with my residence housemates (who I didn't really like, we had nothing in common) to the residence bar to drink (which I didn't really do). We'd often pass a certain guy's window, his room was on the ground floor. He had the curtains open and window open for fresh air, but he was ALWAYS playing Starcraft. My housemates would laugh about what a loser he was. Thing is, I tended to spend most of my time in my room, playing Team Fortress Classic or Counterstrike.

The following year I was out of residence and in a shared student house. Spending most of my time in my room, playing Deus Ex or Operation Flashpoint (only one phone line, broadband wasn't widely available).

I decided enough was enough. I didn't like the big dance music-style clubs full of people like my housemates from first year. There were other clubs though, indie clubs. One night, all my (nicer) housemates were out, I was on my own, staring at my computer. I undertook the momentous decision to go and check this club out, on my own.

It was in a basement. Cool music was playing, though it was still quite early and there weren't many people there yet. I had started to enjoy a drink now and then, so I bought a few and found a place to sit where I could survey the scene. I saw a pair of girls across from me talking. One had a cute bob haircut. I necked one of my drinks (so I'd only have one, in my hand) and, nervous as hell, walked up to them and said hello.

Now, it turned out they both had boyfriends, but they were out for a night just the two of them, and we chatted for a bit. The place started to fill up, and they wandered off so I went onto the now busy dance floor (which had a dry ice machine and lots of lasers) and boogied down a bit.

Sweaty but happy, I went home, and joined the club's forum. I agreed to hook up with a few people on there to put names to faces the following week. They turned out to be really cool people, and we exchanged phone numbers. Many of them were serious regulars, going several times a week, and knew most of the bar staff and DJs.

Fast forward a few months, and I was a serious regular too. I'd made some very good friends. I'd seen a girl I thought was cute, someone knew her, introduced us, and she became my girlfriend for a while. The rest of the time I was single, but that wasn't too bad because the people who frequented this place were really laid back and out to enjoy themselves jumping up and down to rock music and drinking cheap booze. Girls would actually approach you if you looked fun and were enjoying yourself, and sometimes you wouldn't even have time to get off the dancefloor before they'd pounce and start kissing you.

For two years I had my little circle of friends, I had tons of dates and wild adventures and it was just awesome. Unfortunately, as the end of university approach, a lot of the circle started to disperse (many of them were locals) to new jobs or cities. I was too occupied with another serious girlfriend, the one I'm still with now, a decade later.

The crucial thing here is going and doing something about it. If you don't want to spend all your time on your computer thinking Forever Alone (like I did at the start of this story), YOU need to do something about it. It'll be scary, some people might not want to talk to you, but you've got to try. You don't have to go nightclubbing, but you have to do something that's outside your room.

It was one of the best times of my life, and I still look back on those days drinking entire pitchers of vodka Redbull through a straw, jumping up and down until 3am, and watching the evening fly by socializing. Quit moping, go and enjoy yourself while you're young and able to sustain such exertion

Kouryuu,

The lady whom you hit it off with... it sounds a bit strange to me that you broke with her just because you worried you were depending on her too much.... I'd say you ran away from her... What did she think about it? Did you think she considered you as a burden? Maybe my point of view is not correct, but I would think that this lady would have felt like you abandoned her?

I would contact her again at least to ask her how she is feeling now and if she feels bad about what happened back then I would apologize... perhaps there is a slim chance you could be friends again, but at least you could do the right thing and try to see if you can put her at ease. Never mind that you have changed and that she also will have changed. I think that if I don't know what to do, at least I should try to do the decent, right thing to do. So sorry if this all sounds severe to you.

Also, there are other people like this, people whom you'll hit it off with. Please don't be afraid when that does happen, and please don't run away from them.

The fact that you're afraid just to go into town (I assume you're from the UK?) shows exactly what you have to work on. Start with short trips throughout the country, and work your way up. it's a challenge , and a game. A real life adventure!

Kouryuu wrote:

Beoran wrote:Kouryuu, some people do genuinely enjoy being alone. Maybe you're one of them. But I think you just haven't met anyone who you really hit it off with. So I'd ask you to stay open for meeting other people. One thing I'd recommend to you (and anyone here really) is to save up on cash and then when you become 18 (or if you are already), go travelling, preferabbly staying in guest houses so you meet many people. Go to London, Paris, Tokyo, ... Another thing I'd recommend is to play the following video games to get more of a feeling for the importance of relationships and love: Chrono Trigger (SNES), Legend of Mana (PS1), Persona 4 (PS2), and of course replay KS once again.

Edit: Final Fantasy 8 , (ps1) Grandia 1 (PS1), or Skies of Arcadia (GC) may also be interesting.

Thanks for your reply (am I the only one who hates that the normal smiley shows teeth? :/)

Funny you should mention hitting it off with someone, I did have that someone, the only person who never annoyed me in 2 years of knowing them. Unfortunately this was during a depression and I became dependant on them(I read about that) and so I knew I had to give them up. A few months and about 6 attempts later I was able to. I promised myself not to talk to them until I fixed myself but now that I am fixed I'm just scared. I am ok with not talking to them again and think that it might be best left in the past or that she might not want to have to put up with me again or something, but at the same time I wanted to prove to her that I could finally sort myself out. Meh its been 4 years since I talked to her. Snot like heartbreak or anything, we didnt go out, we were just good friends. She was the only one who actually came across like they understood, like they gave a shit. It was refreshing to have someone like that.

EDIT - I just realised, what if I decided to contact her again and she doesnt like how I am now? I'm not massively different but I am probably different. I mean the way I see things is completely different...fuck.

About travelling, well, that scares the shit out of me... I couldnt travel alone I'd need someone with me to basically do everything for me xD. I remember once I went on a 4 hour train journey and had to go through London underground... I never been so scared in my life. And then I had to stay at someones house. So scarey being in an unknown area.

Yeah, I'd have to agree that you seem perfectly comfortable with being alone. Since we're on the board for the game anyway, it sounds like you come off a bit Rin-ish. Not the big social type or anything, and fine with doing your own thing on your own time.

As for your friend? Contact her. Write an email or something and explain why you cut ties with her in the first place, if she doesn't know already. I've recently been through a similar situation, myself, but I did everything I could to explain to my friend why I was IMing less (or even logging in less), and everything else. So she knows why I've withdrawn. She was present for the twin incidents that set off my latest spiral, as well, so she knows the source of it.
I last talked to her only a week ago, and I still chat with her briefly every couple of weeks or so, so I can't entirely compare to what you have there, but I've contacted other people that I hadn't seen for a while in the past, and it's never really been something to regret.
Try to start an online conversation of some kind, if you want to do that, or maybe try suggesting that you guys meet up for lunch or something, if she lives nearby.
Assuming she knows what you were going through (and it sounds like she does) she'll understand. Or at least, she should, if she's half the friend you give her credit for. So, yes, contact her. It's unlikely she'll actively dislike or hate you even if you've changed in the last several years, unless you became a serial rapist at some point. The possibility is there that she won't like you as much as before, sure, but is that worth not talking to her if your head is screwed on straight enough to be able to talk to her now? Well, no.

Kouryuu,

The lady whom you hit it off with... it sounds a bit strange to me that you broke with her just because you worried you were depending on her too much.... I'd say you ran away from her... What did she think about it? Did you think she considered you as a burden? Maybe my point of view is not correct, but I would think that this lady would have felt like you abandoned her?

That's part of it, but from my perspective, it's not so much that you worry they think you're a burden as much as that you just feel like one. As well, when that sort of dependency continues for months on end, without the constant depressing talks (that you always seem to turn conversations into) ever seeming to lighten up, or happen less, or happen differently in any way... one day you realize that it's just not helping anymore. Like holding on to a floating buoy in the ocean. You're not going to get out of the ocean by continuing to hold on. You need to let go, and either sink, swim, or simply float on your own.

It's not unlike the difference between Hanako's bad ends and good end, I suppose. Sometimes what someone needs most isn't for someone else to be there - they just need to get some time alone.

@Beoran

Wow, I didnt think of it like that. My reasoning was that at first, for maybe 6-9months, conversations were good but for the last year and a half of knowing her all the conversations would devolve into me being depressive and her cheering me up. Sometimes I think it was just to keep the conversation going. I would end up never being happy unless I was talking to her, she just knew the perfect thing to say every time. It was odd, I never felt like it before. I was trying to get better but I wasnt able to and felt like I couldnt do it due to the dependency and that I needed to do it alone. Part of the reason I am better now is because I was determined to be, to prove to her or something.

I have no idea what she thinks of the whole thing, I'll definitely find a way to put into words what I want to say and contact her. I have been meaning to but then I just find an excuse to put it off. I am really bad with words so that doesnt help, she knows that though so maybe I can make her smile with that fact.

Yeah I'm from the UK ^^. I guess I'll have a go at travelling...

@Guest

You make a good point, she does know what I went through, I mean I told her for hours everyday... so it would seem that if I contacted her and told her about how things have been she might be ok.

Your paragraph after Beorans quote really hit it perfectly. I felt like I had to sort it out on my own because getting help from someone else was not working (I did go to a counselor[sp?] but that made me feel worse). And thats just what I did. It turns out I was either right or my sheer determination to fix myself for her was enough.

I guess I am not completely sorted out as I still have a lot of fears (that still paralyze me) but I am not depressed anymore, I am very happy and able to work through the things left over.

You know, I am pretty sure I intended to just post about how I like being alone and now this has happened... I think thats a good thing though. I'm so nervous now

Update:

I think this girl may like me a lot more than I let on. We hung out earlier today, again (two days in a row that's crazy!), and she never looked straight at me. At first I thought she was pitying me for everything that has happened so far, but when we had lunch at the local tea-shop, our hands touched when she handed me my tea, and her face turned beet red and she quickly looked down at her food.

I'm not sure how to take this, it's still too soon for me to think about someone that way. What do you guys think?

Xiious wrote:Update:

I think this girl may like me a lot more than I let on. We hung out earlier today, again (two days in a row that's crazy!), and she never looked straight at me. At first I thought she was pitying me for everything that has happened so far, but when we had lunch at the local tea-shop, our hands touched when she handed me my tea, and her face turned beet red and she quickly looked down at her food.

I'm not sure how to take this, it's still too soon for me to think about someone that way. What do you guys think?

(I'm afraid I don't know your whole story here, I'd need to hunt back through more pages than I've checked through, so I haven't done that.)

It may mean nothing. A person who's somewhat socially awkward, especially around the other gender, can easily act just as flustered as (if not more than) someone who's crushing.

Assuming she is...

Objectively, is she someone that, were your head on properly, you might enjoy dating? Think that one through because if she is crushing on you to some degree, you should probably have an idea of what you might be able to do in the future.

I can't really give much more advice than that. You may easily be misreading her and even if you aren't, you may not be in any shape to know what you would want to do about it. Plus, I don't have any idea of what your relationship with her is like in the first place.

I guess, though, that if your assumption is correct, and you think it through and can perhaps see wanting to consider dating her in the future when your head is clearer, just make sure you don't shut her out? Give some encouragement back to her? Talk about it if she's willing to talk about it and you're able to?

If you can't decide, though (and you probably can't), then under no circumstances should you. Don't make moves, and if she does, take them gracefully (don't outright ignore or deny them, but don't encourage them or anything either), and if she brings up the topic, then be honest about how confused you are. If you worry that you'd just be rebounding, that you wouldn't be able to treat her properly because of that, or whatever else, then, well, say so. Be honest and give her something to work with.
I'm not sure of the ages of the two of you, or your opinions on sex, but assuming she opens up the idea of sleeping with you (without being in a relationship) at some point in the future, you'd have to work that one out as you see it. I wouldn't entirely say don't do it, it's probably useful in some way or another if she ended up as someone you trust, though if you did, you'd have to be completely honest about the fact that it would largely be confused rebounding. I'm assuming your issue stems from a recent breakup, maybe? Having had one of those myself in addition to other things, I honestly don't know how I'd respond to such a scenario...
I don't even know how possible that is, but I suppose it can be. So, uh, there's my advice on that I guess.

You probably do know, of course, that you could be misreading the situation. Not that that stops you from worrying about possibilities, of course. It's never stopped me, either. >_>

Wow, I didnt think of it like that. My reasoning was that at first, for maybe 6-9months, conversations were good but for the last year and a half of knowing her all the conversations would devolve into me being depressive and her cheering me up.

Yes, that's exactly what it was for me, too. They just devolve. Feeling like the person you can most open up to is constantly having to console your pathetic ass is... Well, I can certainly sympathize with Hanako Bad Ending, I'll say that much. Not that my friend was ever that much of a persistent and ignorant person to push her way into my space when I wanted to be alone (which is what causes Hanako to flip out in that ending). Still, it does not make you feel good about yourself, especially when the conversation's over and now you get to reflect on everything you just said and how you twisted the conversation into that whole mess yaaaaaay ohgodwhy

You make a good point, she does know what I went through, I mean I told her for hours everyday... so it would seem that if I contacted her and told her about how things have been she might be ok.

Your paragraph after Beorans quote really hit it perfectly. I felt like I had to sort it out on my own because getting help from someone else was not working (I did go to a counselor[sp?] but that made me feel worse). And thats just what I did. It turns out I was either right or my sheer determination to fix myself for her was enough.

I guess I am not completely sorted out as I still have a lot of fears (that still paralyze me) but I am not depressed anymore, I am very happy and able to work through the things left over.

You know, I am pretty sure I intended to just post about how I like being alone and now this has happened... I think thats a good thing though. I'm so nervous now

If she is to you anything like my friend is to me, she will understand, yes. She would probably even be glad to see you contacting her on your own.

As for getting help from someone else, I don't think that's as much of an issue as that whatever is wrong with you is typically something you yourself need to solve. Having someone to talk to to deal with the bad things helps with the immediate feeling but keeps you mired in those feelings, so you can't as easily move on.

Having those fears is normal. The only way to not have them is to do something enough that it becomes routine. I swear, the difference between how I drove when I first started driving, and how I drive now... Not that I'll back up the trucks at work if I can at all avoid it (doubly so as backing up is my weakest area while driving, the scratches on my sides prove that).

As for being nervous, well, I'd honestly say that's a good thing. There's being nervous in a bad way, but if I had to guess, that's not the type of nervousness you're feeling now, is it?

@ Previous Guest

I guess you could call it a recent break-up. Of a different sort...

Edit:My story is on page 39 for future reference.

Xiious wrote:@ Previous Guest

I guess you could call it a recent break-up. Of a different sort...

Edit:My story is on page 39 for future reference.

That's... completely different from what I'd expected.

I suppose I'd still stick by what I said, but, I imagine it would be a lot harder to "move on" (assuming you'd ever want to) from that than from a breakup. My advice on how you may and probably are misreading the girl still stands, of course. Beyond that...

I can't even imagine being in your situation, so I can't offer anything solid. If she does turn out to have feelings for you, then of course, you'd still need to decide not whether you will try dating her, but whether you ever could or would. And if you can't decide, then, again - don't force anything.

My immediate advice would be to just not worry about it either way. Even if she is crushing on you and you're not comfortable with that, she'll get less awkward over time, and obviously she knows why you wouldn't exactly be receptive. She may very well get over her feelings for you in time, if she even has them.

@Metalangel: 100% correct: You cannot change unless you actually want to change! That's what I told Beoran as well

Guest wrote:As for being nervous, well, I'd honestly say that's a good thing. There's being nervous in a bad way, but if I had to guess, that's not the type of nervousness you're feeling now, is it?

Thanks for your post again.

Reading the responses here has really helped me put things into perspective. Whether it turns out good or bad I have nothing to lose and if it works out that can only be a good thing.

You have a good point, its not bad at all ^^

Beoran wrote:Ali, do you forget your promises because you have a bad memory, or because you still resent that other person who broke their promise? In the first case, it's as simple as using memory aids such as notes, smart phones, etc. If you still feel resentment, however, you'll have to fight to get over that. How to say, there's plenty of unreliable people out there, but that doesn't mean you should become one of them. On the contrary, if you felt betrayed, you should know that it sucks to be betrayed. So don't do to others that you hate yourself. In any case, do tell those close to you that it bothers you that you forget your promises, tell them that you'll do your best to work on it, ask for their support, and apologize if you do still forget. No one is perfect, but you should show your honest effort.

I forget my promises because, after being betrayed one too many times, I just decided to stop believing in promises altogether. I just thought 'What kind of a measure is a promise anyway?' and went along with it. What I promised wasn't that important to me anymore nor was what people promised to me. It's only now that I realize how wrong I was.

I think I'll have notes with me wherever I go so I don't forget Most of my friends understand that I forget, because I apologize every time I forget about a promise - I hate to let down people.

Thanks for the support, guys!

@metalangel: yeah, this is true. I've started trying already. Like tonight, I'm with my closest friend and we are at a persons house whom I've never met. Two black girls. I usually shy away from meeting new people, but here I am. Let's see how it goes.

If anyone's going to the small OMGCon in KY, I'll be there. Bright red Wounded Warrior Program shirt, or the special-edition shirt from Catherine, hard to miss.

Good luck with the meeting, AE! Let's all hope you can make some new friends, or at least acquaintances.

Aili, I had a feeling it was something like that. It's a common but sad mistake to make. If we are betrayed too much, then we could end up not believing in promises anymore. I we are bullied too much we could end up not believing in friendship anymore. If we are abused enough we could end up not believing in love. And so on. The key is: Those who betray, bully and abuse also don't believe in promises, friendship and love. There are already too many jaded people like that out there. Let's try to avoid them, and let's certainly also avoid becoming like them!

Kouryuu and Guest, thanks for your explanation. I think I can understand that you don't want to feel too reliant on others. Still, I think it's a bit rough to cut contact completely with someone just because you feel that you don't want to be white knighted or white princessed. Maybe it's because apart from my wife, I don't have any close friends, but if there was someone I could talk to in person about my problems, I would cherish them because "a friend in need is a friend indeed". I think it's OK to take some time to be alone, and also OK not to want to use a friend like a "wailing wall" or "agony aunt", but I would try to stay in touch with them. Again sorry if this sounds a bit harsh.

Xiious, I can understand that you still want to mourn a bit longer, but I think that you should allow yourself to be happy again and to love again. If this girl really likes you, then the questions to ask are first , of course, if you like her too. And if that is the case, if you will be able to deal with her fairly. I know it sounds harsh, but I read that people in your situation tend to compare a new love with the one who has passed away, sometimes in unfair ways. I believe that there is no point in comparing loves. The person we love is different, and so is the love, and so is the story we have together with the other. Of course, I think you could never forget what has happened before, but perhaps it is time for you to start a new story...

Beoran wrote:Kouryuu and Guest, thanks for your explanation. I think I can understand that you don't want to feel too reliant on others. Still, I think it's a bit rough to cut contact completely with someone just because you feel that you don't want to be white knighted or white princessed. Maybe it's because apart from my wife, I don't have any close friends, but if there was someone I could talk to in person about my problems, I would cherish them because "a friend in need is a friend indeed". I think it's OK to take some time to be alone, and also OK not to want to use a friend like a "wailing wall" or "agony aunt", but I would try to stay in touch with them. Again sorry if this sounds a bit harsh.

No, it doesn't sound harsh. I do keep in touch with my friend because I do cherish her for what she's done. I don't think I'm really in a good enough place to make a long conversation with her without falling back into the same habit, though. Not yet. That, and I just don't know what I'd talk about anyway. It's difficult to really explain, I suppose.

I will say it's not so much about not wanting to be white knighted or whatever as it is not wanting to need to be.