Katawa Shoujo Forums

Alpacalypse wrote: Throughout this story, I have gotten the distinct sense that Iwanako is kind of a bitch (even without her saying it herself), but I actually like that, since it gives the Yamaku-verse a bit of a new spin.

This is one of the reasons this has to be one of my favorite stories on this board...in fact enough for me to stop lurking and create an account to post something I don't have any insightful commentary to offer, so I just want to relay my thanks for creating a thoroughly enjoyable and interesting story. I am looking forward to the next chapter!

Now that I'm at my computer, I can leave a proper comment. I'm really interested in what Molly is hiding. I can't really blame Iwanako for not trusting her very much, with how shady she's being. Also, I'm really liking how her friendship with Hanako is going. Really looking forward to the festival!

YAAAAAY UPDATE! And it's not a joke update

I think you did a great job with Hanako. The two big things with her is that she doesn't want to feel like a burden and she wants to feel like she is useful and both of these points are represented well. Love to see that their friendship is developing and that Iwanako even sees her as a confidant. Even if they don't go any further than good friends *nudge nudge wink wink* it's still adorable.

Glad to see more from you and I look forward to what you have cooking up for the future. :3

I was pissed that you released a joke chapter, until I realized it was for real.
I'm pretty happy right now.
Loving it as always.
As for any grammar/spelling I've noted...

Leaty wrote: (group membership: literally every other friend I’ve ever had, ever.)

. (I also note, wryly, that I’m getting fairly decent phone reception out here, so perhaps Molly uses a different carrier.)

... natural light. (That isn’t to say the previous LRC was terrible, but it was harshly fluorescently lit with tiny windows and lots of tacky motivational posters everywhere. This place is an elegant sanctuary in comparison.)

Sentence structure with parentheses is weird. The period at the end of the previous sentence is excluded, and it put after the end of the parentheses. The period at the end of the inside of the parentheses is excluded as well.
So for "that isn't to say..." it would be
"... natural light (that isn't to say... in comparison).

Erthos wrote:Sentence structure with parentheses is weird. The period at the end of the previous sentence is excluded, and it put after the end of the parentheses. The period at the end of the inside of the parentheses is excluded as well.
So for "that isn't to say..." it would be
"... natural light (that isn't to say... in comparison).

This is true when the parentheses fall inside of a sentence, but that is not true in either case here. When the sentences fall entirely within the parentheses, rather than the reverse, standard rules apply.

(This may vary by region, or by when you went to school, similar to the use of the Oxford comma, but it's how I was taught at all levels. This is just an example.)

Then again, I insist on using the British rules regarding punctuation inside quotes rather than the American rules, because they are far more logical. If I found the rules to cause ambiguity, I would disregard them in favor of clarity. I would not write He said, "To each his own." (which is correct by American rules), but He said, "To each his own". Again, if the entire sentence lies inside the quotes, so does the period.

“—Sasquatch.”
Hanako blinks at me for a moment. “…Huh?”
“You know,” I deadpan. “Bigfoot.”
She gives me a stare so blank I could print a resumé on it.
Nailed it.
“Um… that’s kind of like a yeti.”

Bookworm would know what Sasquatch is.

And yes, I am curious what crazy rumour spreaded around school about Iwanako. This is only explanation of everyone's reaction.

(deadfic)

Leaty wrote:There have been clues, but they're in older chapters. Hint: Reread Grazing with the Herd and Báthory in Her Castle.

Ah, Mai? Thanks. I don't have time for a full reread at the moment, but a quick search and skim seems to have done the job.

Leaty wrote:

Reese8 wrote:...Library Research Center?

Learning Resource Center. This is probably colloquial to the American midwest. In the nineties, there was an asinine push in public schools to acronymize everything. So now gym class is "P.E." and libraries are the "LRC."

Ah, thanks.

Leaty wrote:You know, when I started writing this story I really didn't mean for it to be such a monologue-heavy piece, but now here I am years later, having inadvertently turned Iwanako into the Squall Leonhart of Katawa Shoujo. Maybe this should be her official leitmotif...

I don't suppose that that means she's eventually going to have to descend into Yamaku's basement to get the school airborne? :)

Leaty wrote:Okay, I'll say this. The four books Hanako gave Iwanako were Slaughterhouse-Five, Dragonflight, The Last Unicorn, and Jennifer Government, right?

Of those four books, Dragonflight was the only one to give me actual, awful nightmares. You know why? Because during the Hatching scene, really early on in the book, baby Ramoth fucking eviscerates a bunch of terrified preteen girls in front of a stadium's full of people watching it all impassively. Then she Impresses on Lessa and she's like "yesssssss this is the most awesome thing ever, who gives a fuck about all those dead girls with families who never had a chance anyway, because I'm the Chosen One from the lost Ruatha bloodline," and the chapter fucking ends and those poor dead girls are never mentioned again.

Can you imagine how horrible that would feel? Showing up to an event thinking that there's a chance you'll get a dragon bestie, and then she just fucking murders you in front of all your friends and family and nobody cares? Jesus fucking Christ. Anyway, I have strong opinions about Pern.

Hm, thank you for the explanation.

Leaty wrote:I could leave this vague, but I'm going to clear it up, since it's really not a big deal: In the scene "Little Wing" in Lilly's route, Hanako smiles and greets Emi by her given name. Emi greets her back with Hanako's given name. They're not friends, like in the proactive sense, but they are acquainted with each other, and they're nice to each other. Hanako probably canonically likes Emi: that's how I choose to interpret that scene. (Dewelar? You wanna back me up?)

In this scene, Iwanako describes what happened to Emi rather vaguely and ominously, and Hanako immediately becomes concerned—not because they're close, but because she doesn't want Emi to have to go through the misfortune of being expelled or her mom being sued or something—and leads Iwanako to believe that Emi is important to her, because Iwanako's already feeling kind of resentful and jealous. (Remember, two scenes ago, Rin pointedly did not give any fucks about Iwanako's injuries, to her damn face. The audience knows that's normal, Iwanako doesn't.)

Ah, thanks again.

Leaty wrote:Nah. As Dewelar pointed out to me, she's Japanese, and Bigfoot's an American cryptid. Iwanako knows these things because she's quite a bit more internationally-focused than Hanako.

Oh, good, my hypothesis was correct.

leaty wrote: I could leave this vague, but I'm going to clear it up, since it's really not a big deal: In the scene "Little Wing" in Lilly's route, Hanako smiles and greets Emi by her given name. Emi greets her back with Hanako's given name. They're not friends, like in the proactive sense, but they are acquainted with each other, and they're nice to each other. Hanako probably canonically likes Emi: that's how I choose to interpret that scene. (Dewelar? You wanna back me up?)

I figured it was something simple. Occam's Shaving Kit and all that...

Heh. Emi and Iwanako would probably be on first name terms themselves by this point if it were for the little matter of their past two meetings.

Agh! Too many in-between posts...will leave this the way it is for now and edit as needed...

Okay, first off...

Leaty wrote:For those of you who didn't figure it out, that first-year student Iwanako spoke to in the lobby was Taka-Taka. Special thanks to Dewelar for signing off on her inclusion here.

You're quite welcome. Definitely a fitting place for her.

Oh, and...EEEEEEEEE!

Ahem. Anyway, regarding:

Mirage_GSM wrote:Count me among those... Even after you telling us, her reaction still puzzles me a bit…

I don't want to step on Leaty's toes here, but since I did sign off on this scene, I would say that Our Takako is quite conflicted in this scene. She wants to say something, but she doesn't know Iwanako (yet?).

Also echoing Mirage to a degree...when Iwanako talks, it's never boring. She's capital-I Interesting to read, even when she perhaps shouldn't be.

That was how I came across this quaint, earthy little grove with plenty of shade and a flat, smooth boulder of gneiss right in the center, just perfect for sitting on.

A very gneiss boulder. Yep, very gneiss indeed.

Overall, I have a hard time wrapping my head around Molly in general. As a character, she always strikes me as somewhat ephemeral, no matter how many stories I read that feature her. I suppose that's why you also added Taka-Taka, beyond just her connection to Emi, yes? If so, well played .

…Also, I need to figure out a tactful way to communicate that whatever brand of mascara she had on really wasn’t working for her.

Heh.

I really like the following section with Iwanako's ruminations on friendship. A bit of Iwanako as Hisao's Mirror showing through, and also some additional notes on her own dynamic back "home". I'm hoping we get to see more in that regard than we did in KS proper.

For god’s sake, people. I almost died and then I didn’t. Get the hell over it.

On the other hand… ‘Physician, heal thyself.’

Once again, Iwanako's train of thought has stations in interesting places.

One girl I pass by in particular is close to my height—so, almost certainly a first-year, I reticently admit—with a long ponytail superficially resembling some kind of Mesoamerican serpent deity.

Excellent.

When my eyes meet hers, she freezes in place like I’m one of the Gorgons.

Medusa, perhaps? Just to up the snake level?

Seriously, though, I would love to see these two have a full-fledged scene at some point.

Now, diving into the Hanako scene:

Oscar Wildecat wrote:

As soon as I say ‘Ibarazaki,’ she seems to snap out of her thoughts and her head turns to face my own with enough torque to send her hair-fringe whipping out of her face for a moment, giving me a quick look at her ever-elusive right eye, which is awash with concern. “W-what happened to Emi?”

What on earth…? I can feel myself grimace in befuddlement.

I was as befuddled as Iwanako at this, given that there should be no connection between Emi and Hanako. However, should is a dreadful word, known to start both playground fights and international conflicts... so, I'll avoid further comment and hope that things are clarified down in later chapters.

Yep, as Leaty's already mentioned, it's established in "Little Wing" that they're on a first name basis, which considering Hanako puts Emi in rarefied air. That's reason enough for her to get perturbed over her suspension, especially since she doesn't know the details.

However, also given that...I'd be on the side of the "two 'nako's" being too familiar here, but not too much. The scene is quite nice overall, though, so I'm willing to accept it.

Overall, lots of great stuff, as always! May have more thoughts later...

(Speaking of "freakin' forever," where the hell is Helbereth?)

Probably in Draenor...
I poked him around December, and he popped in just long enough to post another chapter of his christmas story - maybe he'll post the last chapter next christmas

Because during the Hatching scene, really early on in the book, baby Ramoth fucking eviscerates a bunch of terrified preteen girls in front of a stadium's full of people watching it all impassively.

Just reread that scene. You're right, it is quite disconcerting. It's not like the whole stadium of people are watching impassively, though - we don't see their reaction at all. Lessa also isn't sure whether the two girls are dead or only injured, though the description of their injuries makes death quite likely...
The book made it quite clear, though that trying to impress on a dragon was very risky since they are wild animals before the bond with a rider is formed.
I didn't mind that single scene as much as the whole main story relying a bit too much n one giant deus ex machina^^°

Pssh, don't be coy, you're shipping the hell out of Iwanako/Emi. Admit it.

Well, yes, but even if you don't intend to go in that direction, I'm looking forward to the resolution of their conflict. Contrite Emi is cute.

So did anybody notice I snuck in a really obscure anime reference?

I've watched plenty of obscure anime, but I tend to steer clear of the whole sports genre.

Regarding Taka-Taka - I know their characters are hardly alike (aside from the newspaper club thing), but I always think of Ranko Hata when she appears - maybe because their names rhyme? It's not a bad thing, though, since Hata is one of my favourite characters in that show with her deadpan line delivery.

Man, looks like everyone beat me to the punch on this one. Not like I care because Iwanako and Kagami on the same day, it's like CHRISTMAS!

That being said, there really isn't much to say about this chapter. I'm intrigued by the attention Iwanako is getting. She could be right, it might be self-serving caution, but the fact that people seem to have something to tell her makes me think otherwise... I haven't the slightest idea what that something could be,simply because I'm not 100% sure what your version of Yamaku is like. I like to think of the Yamaku student body as being incredibly supportive and understanding in general, simply because they're all in very similar boats, many of which aren't sea-worthy or prone to drifting into rocky outcroppings. (Seeing past the imperfections is, after all, kind of the Moral of the Story.) The fact that they have an 'industrial strength rumor mill', however, paints them in something of a negative light. I think. It could be a benign rumor mill. Do those exist? Another angle I've considered is that Shizune might have made an example of Emi, using the incident to implement a host of rules regarding hallway etiquette. It seems like something she'd do, especially given the interest she seems to have taken in Iwanako's well-being. It could just be that she's made friends with Hanako in addition to almost dying, maybe they're waiting for a hat trick or something. I could speculate all day, but there just isn't enough evidence to make a firm decision yet. I think Molly likes Iwanako. I hope so. I like Molly.

I can't help but wonder who Iwanako will attend the festival with. My bet is that she'll wander aimlessly, meeting several of the characters throughout the day, rather than spend the whole day with one. I, ah, don't think Emi will be one of them. (Although, now that I think about it, a reconciliation between the two would fit neatly with the self-improvement Iwanako is trying so hard to make... Hmm.)

Pern does get pretty grim sometimes, although I only faintly remember being pretty traumatized as a child when they killed my favorite dragon rather brutally. Such is life. (Screw you, Eragon, and your Goddamn copout ending!) Also, Leaty, where is the Hanako hug?! I mean, look at the subtext! They obviously love each other, so boot up your word processor and make it happen! God, the nerve of some authors....

Leaty wrote:You know, when I started writing this story I really didn't mean for it to be such a monologue-heavy piece, but now here I am years later, having inadvertently turned Iwanako into the Squall Leonhart of Katawa Shoujo. Maybe this should be her official leitmotif...

As a massive fan of FF8, this makes me unspeakably happy. (Maybe I'm just being contrary to all the FF7 fans, but his SWORD is a GUN and the INTRO is EPIC and then I broke TIME!)

Leaty wrote:Yeah, Hanako and Lilly have pretty much become the Deadpool and Wolverine of KS fanfic (that is to say, they show up everywhere.) In light of that, it's pretty daunting to use them in a story—seriously, what ground hasn't already been covered? Plus, they've both been BEFFed to the point of absolute inanity... I kind of feel like Reconciliation, Developments, and Sisterhood have closed the book on them. Basically the only stuff that's left is to explore their interactions with other members of the cast, or with OCs (and "OC romances Lilly/Hanako during the Hanako/Lilly route" is the wooooorst genre of KS fanfic, even by fanfiction.net standards.)

It's actually why I'm writing a Shizune piece: I really sympathized with her, and in every fanfiction I read, she's lambasted by authors, portrayed as a self-centered, egotistical jerk whose only goal is to ridicule Lilly and play pointless mind-games with the rest. Which is completely accurate, but they don't have to sound so mean about it.

MisterBLC wrote:This is one of the reasons this has to be one of my favorite stories on this board...in fact enough for me to stop lurking and create an account to post something I don't have any insightful commentary to offer, so I just want to relay my thanks for creating a thoroughly enjoyable and interesting story. I am looking forward to the next chapter!

Welcome to the team! Get comfortable. You're going to be here for a very long time, and then you'll probably end up writing something.

Leaty wrote:They're not friends, like in the proactive sense, but they are acquainted with each other, and they're nice to each other. Hanako probably canonically likes Emi: that's how I choose to interpret that scene. (Dewelar? You wanna back me up?)

Well, I'm not Dewelar, but I wrote a whole series based on that premise. Self-promotion aside; Emi generally comes off as a pretty approachable and friendly character, even if she only forms bonds at a surface level. I could easily imagine her having many many acquaintences all through the school, but few if any that are actually her friends. Not unlike your Iwanako, it would seem. This could certainly be an interesting direction to go, as Mirage said.

Also, I realised I had completely forgotten large chunks of the story when I went to read this update. I'll have to go back and refresh my memory some day. I am glad to see this wasn't a joke update, though. Strangely enough I had only been discussing how this was one of the few reasons I still check up on these fora just last night. Must be some higher power at work there, or something.

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Well, I'm not Dewelar, but I wrote a whole series based on that premise.

I only just noticed you have an entire section titled 'The Purest Form of Love'. I thank you, sir, for your humble contribution to my crippling addiction.

(Sorry, I'll stay on topic now.)

Geez...can't keep up with all these posts...so, more thoughts:

dewelar wrote:Overall, I have a hard time wrapping my head around Molly in general. As a character, she always strikes me as somewhat ephemeral, no matter how many stories I read that feature her. I suppose that's why you also added Taka-Taka, beyond just her connection to Emi, yes? If so, well played .

I realized after posting that this probably came off sounding weird. Given what you already said, just ignore this. This is what I get for posting while under the influence of allergy meds...

Leaty wrote:

forgetmenot wrote:...personally I wouldn't have pegged the students of Yamaku to fall into such obvious cliques. Seems a little too "Sharks vs. Jets" for the established universe.

Yeah, I can definitely see how it would look that way, but Helbereth was openly questioning Molly's weird evasiveness as early as two years ago, well before the Emi collision happened. These are two separate plotlines. It's just that it took me freakin' forever to get back to this one.

And I, too, am guilty of forgetting this. *bows head* I really need to go back and reread this from the beginning once I finish Ch.58...

Yeah, Hanako and Lilly have pretty much become the Deadpool and Wolverine of KS fanfic [...] Reconciliation, Developments, and Sisterhood have closed the book on them.

Once again, I am humbled by the company I keep. I didn't even intend for Developments to be any kind of definitive anything about these two at the beginning. It just...sort of came out that way? Yeah, we'll go with that.

Basically the only stuff that's left is to explore their interactions with other members of the cast, or with OCs (and "OC romances Lilly/Hanako during the Hanako/Lilly route" is the wooooorst genre of KS fanfic, even by fanfiction.net standards.)

There's also the possibility of exploring how things go if Hisao isn't part of the picture. I don't think I've really seen that done well.

bhtooefr wrote:I wondered if that was Taka-Taka. And, from what we've seen in Developments, I'd be surprised if that wasn't how she treated Iwanako.

Think about the psychology of putting people on pedestals, and how Emi almost killing someone might be complicated for people, emotionally. Taka-Taka's role in this chapter is important.

*bows head again*

Mirage_GSM wrote:If there were, Emi would be really interesting considering the rough start they got off on…

Pssh, don't be coy, you're shipping the hell out of Iwanako/Emi. Admit it.

Yeah, you know, if I had to pick a horse in this race, it'd be this one right now, too -- although Iwanako/Keiko would be the stalking horse .

ilikepie wrote:Even if they don't go any further than good friends *nudge nudge wink wink* it's still adorable.

Thanks! All you men are gonna have to take my word for it, but girl-friendships are totally beautiful and wonderful and the most powerful force in the universe.

*sigh* No comment.