Aili wrote:Hey guys, it's me again. This time it isn't about the Emi-ish friend of mine, but about me.
Not too long ago, somebody offered me a job, and I took it. I'm supposed to do some drawings and stuff. I thought it was going to be something more personal, because I just had to draw the fashion designs said person made, and I'd get paid for that.
However...
Turns out it wasn't. Said person is doing an exhibition, and some of my art will be there, too. This is my first professional job as an artist, so I don't have much experience...I think I'm capable of doing this right, if I really focus on it. But...I'm afraid. What if it goes wrong? What if it doesn't meet people expectations?
I'm sorry if it sounds silly, but it's difficult for me to deal with this, and I could use some advice.
Sorry for the double-post, but I wanted this one to be it's own reply, as I do have some experience with this. Also sorry if this is sloppy, I'm tired.
When I was growing up, I LOVED the arts. I loved to draw, write, I was even in a play. (I was apparently a braver lad at that time than I am now.
) I always wanted to share things that I made, but in the end I always asked myself the same questions you're asking now. Is it good enough? Will people like it? Will I just get laughed at? All that stuff would go through my head, each and every time I thought about sharing, so I didn't. Everything I wrote, everything I made, I threw out or hid somewhere where no one would see it. I'd write stories, and then end up deleting them because I decided that they weren't worthy enough to even post on the internet. The only time I actually let anyone read my work was in English class, and that was just because I had to. Though my teachers always thought I was a good writer, and told me a few times that it was a shame I didn't take it any further than what I had to do in class. That made me feel even worse, because now I just thought of myself as a big wimp. But still, I shared nothing. Then in Grade 12, about a week or two before graduation, I just decided that since I was leaving anyway, there was no harm in sharing something. Now, at the time I was really into playing guitar, and I knew a guy in school who was even more into it than I was. He brought up the talent show, and I jumped on it. I didn't care what people thought, I was going to let myself have a little time in the light before my high school days were over. So I did it, I went up on stage, in front of the entire school, and I played. And it was one the greatest things I have ever done. It wasn't even anything big, it was just me and my friend going back and forth doing random riffs from AC/DC and GnR hits, and I never even looked up the entire time afraid of seeing all the people looking back at me. But in the end, everyone loved it. I even had some girl I didn't know bring it up months after I graduated randomly in Gamestop. (No, didn't lead to anything. I got all awkward and fled xD) I felt so good after the talent show though that another guy I knew at the time offered me a spot on stage with him and his dad's band for two songs. I jumped on it immediately, and had the same experience. I was nervous as all hell when I got up there, I knew I would be, so I made sure to bring a hat with a visor on it and spent my entire time looking down at my guitar while playing. But, again, it was INCREDIBLE. My family recorded it, so I went back and watched it later on. We were AWFUL. I messed up a bunch in the solos, and my friend actually had his drumstick fly out of his hands in the middle of one of the solos. (Though, I actually did well at that part and got all the attention on me. I felt pretty badass watching that part.
)
Anyways, to wrap up my long ass... whatever this is, I'm now about to start writing one of the girls stories for Stewart-Class 7's visual novel "Chord Progression", which will be my first time in... well ever really, openly submitting my own writing for everyone to read and bitch about. I still get nervous about it, of course. I'm still afraid of people, and honestly even during those two times in my life where I was in front of a crowd, I looked at the floor the whole time shaking. It's just, I was able to focus on my playing instead of them, and that got me through. And that's really the secret for folks like us to get their time in the light I think. Focus 100% on what you're doing, enjoy it. Fuck everything else, and everyone else. Let the world fade away, all that matters is that you're enjoying your work. And if you do enjoy it, it'll be reflected in that work. Yeah, you will get haters, but you'll get people who like it too. If you make it, they will come. Sorry if that was a bit too jumbled, I'm exhausted.
