Katawa Shoujo Forums

Thanks for the feedback guys! Not just for this recent installation, but for the rest of them too!

I can say I evidently have a problem with maintaining a constant tense, skipping between past and present tense, and also maintaining either a Second or Third person perspective. Something I'll have to read up on, really.

Thanks for the critique and thanks for the kind words I really do appreciate it!

Munchenhausen wrote:Thanks for the feedback guys! Not just for this recent installation, but for the rest of them too!

I can say I evidently have a problem with maintaining a constant tense, skipping between past and present tense, and also maintaining either a Second or Third person perspective. Something I'll have to read up on, really.

Thanks for the critique and thanks for the kind words I really do appreciate it!

Ah, that happens to me a lot. But mainly it's only a few words, so I can just skim through, have a few friends read it, and stare intently at my monitor screen until it just fixes itself. Anyways. you make some damn good fics. I love the funny stuff, it adds a brightness to my day when I read them during my lunch break. The serious one was nice too, and it was greatly written.

Keep up the good work.

Munchenhausen wrote:and also maintaining either a Second or Third person perspective. Something I'll have to read up on, really.

You mean First and Third. There's no second person perspective at all in this story - or anywhere on these forums iIrc...

Mirage_GSM wrote:

Munchenhausen wrote:and also maintaining either a Second or Third person perspective. Something I'll have to read up on, really.

You mean First and Third. There's no second person perspective at all in this story - or anywhere on these forums iIrc...

I think that in itself is testament as to how bad I am at perspectives

I write more consistently in the First Person, but I'm worried I use 'he' and 'she' too often.
Such is the life.
Anyway, here's another baseless fic that's been floating around my head for some time, but rest assure it's not as 'LOL RANDUM' as the Hanako one. I stuck to only one obscure idea, this time.
Also a chance to practice my French. I failed French, by the way

The Mysterious Stranger
I make my way through the Yamaku courtyard.
I'm running a little bit late for Hanako and Lilly's teaparty, but not too much. Just enough to justify a half-jog/half-walk style of movement... I hope.
I just don't want to make a bad impression of myself infront of Hanako. I'm not sure, but I think I'm starting to like her...

When I get to the door, I can hear the mumurs of voices. There's Lilly's voice, Hanako's voice... And a third that I can't quite make out. Is Akira visiting again? I knock twice and hear the slight surprise in everyone's voices.

Silence. Wait, why silence? Akira hasn't brought Wine again, has she? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Lilly calls out first.
"Who is it?"

"Guess."

My deadpan answer draws a giggle from her and she beckons me in. I open the door and poke my head in.
Lilly and Hanako are sat in their usual spaces, but...

But...

Akira isn't there.
Rather than Akira...

What the fuck?

There's an athletic-looking, middle-aged man with a buzz cut sat to Lilly's left, wearing a white t-shirt and shorts. Is that a football kit? Yeah, it's a white football kit. He doesn't look Japanese at all...

My silence is obviously enough of a tell, as Lilly and Hanako start to giggle. The man raises a wine glass and nods at me. Although he looks really out of place, the girls seem to be alright with him, so I step in and close the door behind me.

"what..?"

"Hissaaooooo~" Hanako is slurring already "I want you to... you gotta... Y'gotta meet our n-new friiieeeeeeend!"

The man chuckles and stands, offering me a friendly smile and a hand to shake. [Salút] That's certainly not Japanese, and it doesn't sound like any English I know.

"H-hi..?"

He laughs and shoves a wine glass in my hand, smirking. [Je suis Zinedine. Enchanté!] He laughs again and goes to sit back next to Lilly, throwing his arm around her waist. He seems friendly enough, even though I have no idea what he's saying. Being as he's still here, I'm assuming one of the other two can.

[Alors, qui est ce garçon?] The man looks at Hanako and motions his glass towards me. Hanako stares blankly at him.

"Yyyes?"
The strange foreigner starts laughing, followed shortly by the two drunken ladies.

I don't think even he knows why he's there.

"He's one of Akira's friends. Well I think he is... He was with her at the very least... I can't really remember," Lilly begins giggling. Akira was here? How late am I? How much has everyone drank? I look down at the table, complete with three empty wine bottles and two full bottles, and then to my own slightly overflowing glass.

Hell, it's a Saturday. I can afford to drink a bit tonight!

---

[Et je dit, "Je veux dire, tu sais a qui tu parles au moins?"!]

I have no idea what he said, but it was the funniest thing I've heard in a completely incomprehendable language. I openly blame alcohol.

From what I understand of the three-hour drinking session with this stranger, is his name begins with a Z, he's from Europe, and he brought the wine. Everything else is a drunken blur.

Hanako stands up and almost shouts, thrusting a half-full glass i to the air.
"Zzzzzzidane! Show H-H-Hisao your pa... -hic- party trick!"

Zidane laughs and protests, but soon complies after being begged by both girls. He stands, pulls me to my feet and carefully puts his hands on my shoulders.

[Vraiment?]

I think that was a question... Sure, why not? I nod. He leans back... Really far back.
Really really far back.
Finally, he yells at the top of his lungs.

[ZIDANE!]

Before I can react, he headbutts me in the chest.
Hard.

The sheer force of the impact throws me to the floor.
Stabbing pains shoot through my arms and I clutch my chest. The frenchman in front of me laughs and bends down when I fall to my knees.
After he tries talking to me, his laughter stops and he looks more concerned. It's obvious to him that he's done more damage than he expected. I don't know what anyone's saying, but now Lilly and Hanako are shouting at him. He grabs a bottle of wine and backs out the door, before sprinting down the corridor. People have started poking their heads out of their doors, curious as to who was shouting. The man is long gone, by the time a member of staff arrives.

My vision fades and my body falls cold, yet his war cry till echoes through my mind as what I'm sure are my last thoughts.

Zinedine Zidane.
Heart of gold and a head of steel.

That kind of comedy, I'd rather watch this, which I actually saw live.

brythain wrote:That kind of comedy, I'd rather watch this, which I actually saw live.

You lucky duck :O I only just caught the replays a few seconds after it happened

That was great. I think my favorite line might have been "I have no idea what he said, but it was the funniest thing I've heard in a completely incomprehensible language." I had to look up who the guy was(I'm not a soccer fan), but that's besides the point. And I could be wrong, but I think this is the first time where Hisao getting hit in the chest(and possibly killed) was genuinely hilarious. So kudos for that.

Well, that Taro route was pretty funny.

Monsieur, j'ai à dire... vous avez le Français pire que j'aie jamais vu... JAMAIS... Je me suis retrouvé au moins de la moitié des choses que vous avez écrit à la recherche de google. Je reçois des Français n'est pas votre affaire, j'ai eu que quelques histoires il y a quand Potato a dit Je vais nager le week-end et Mon nom est Hana, mais que ce soit... aimé votre histoire

Keep to English for the basis of posts, please. A few lines in foreign languages are fine, as long as they're not too many.

Yes that's horrible French I get that

Ne pouvait pas faire valoir qu'une langue est de forme d'art possède son propre ? Toutes les langues ont beaucoup de choses que l'on peut exprimer pas la même façon, donc en limitant les langues vous êtes également limiter le route les gens peuvent s'exprimer.

GodlyVirus wrote:Ne pouvait pas faire valoir qu'une langue est de forme d'art possède son propre ? Toutes les langues ont beaucoup de choses que l'on peut exprimer pas la même façon, donc en limitant les langues vous êtes également limiter le route les gens peuvent s'exprimer.

Actually, by limiting it -to- language, you also limit the ways of expression. But that's just a philosophical issue. The main thing is that by posting in this forum, a person is already accepting some kind of tacit limitation—that they are trying to make what they post accessible to the majority, and that the content will be somewhat related to Katawa Shoujo. Or else, why post here?

Also, this is a moderated forum, so you should post in a language the moderators can (easily) understand.

GodlyVirus wrote:Ne pouvait pas faire valoir qu'une langue est de forme d'art possède son propre ? Toutes les langues ont beaucoup de choses que l'on peut exprimer pas la même façon, donc en limitant les langues vous êtes également limiter le route les gens peuvent s'exprimer.

No, and I'll play you at your own game.

Adès te t'am scrìv un quèl ch'e spìga quént c'agliè bòni al zvòll, senò mè at'cazz fòra a chélz pr'una stména.

Good luck translating the language used for my instructions and the penalty explained in them. Reply with a PM because this thread has been shat up enough. Next time you get asked to please do something, perhaps you will comply instead of doing the exact opposite.