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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 21/09/2013]

Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:29 am
by Mirage_GSM
She only told me when she had her accident after a few months.
I thought Miki only came to Yamaku at the beginning of the school year? She can't have known Suzu for more than a few weeks...
“What do you mean? Wouldn’t she tell me if she liked me?”
She all but did, didn't she? And after only a week, no less...

Good chapter. Pretty solid characterization and dialogue all around.

Re: Blossom - Chapter Five: Trinity [Part Two]

Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:12 pm
by Numb
Looks like this is going to be a three-parter. Enjoy :D
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We make it to the track with a minute to spare before practise starts. I see a few familiar faces running around the track, but only one other person I know. Emi. Miki pulls me up into the bleachers, she told me we have to wait for the captain before we start, just to make sure everything is alright.

“Remind me again why we have to wait?”

Miki sighs, as this is the second time I have asked this. “We need to introduce you to Kenta. If you’re going to be using practise time, he needs to be sure he wants you on the track. Look, here he comes now.”

I follow her gaze until I see who she is looking at. I know this face, this is-

“Miki, this is Hisao? Huh, small world I guess.”

“Huh? You two know each other?”

Miki, confused, looks at me. If I had known the person I met last night was Kenta, I would have told her about it. Kenta looks at me, leaving me to explain what happened.

“Yeah, uh, I was out for a walk last night. Ended up here, and I saw him leaving the sports shed-“

“The sports shed?! Oh my god, that’s too funny! Kenta, did you tell him?” She is doubled over laughing, holding onto my shoulder for support. Why is this funny, was he doing something there?

“Uh, no Miki, I only met him last night. Anyway, getting to why I’m actually here, I don’t have a problem-“

“Oh no Kenta! You’re telling him now, there’s no way around it. Hisao, Kenta wasn’t running last night. Continue.” She thumps him on the back, and makes a fancy gesture with her left wrist. What does he need to tell me?

“Damn you Miki… Hisao, I’m gay, and I use the shed for… Well, you know, activities?”

Wait a second… So when I saw him last night, he had just… And the other guy who left early was… Oh.

“Oh.”

“That’s it? Usually people freak out when they find out, gotta say Hisao, I’m impressed. Either way, you can use the track here if you want, hell, you were using it last night. Now Miki, you go do some more training, I’ll help Hisao out with the basics.” He winks at her, and she laughs at him before bouncing down to the track and stretching, leaving me alone with Kenta.

“So uh, I guess we should do proper introductions or something? I don’t really get how this works, it feels awkward.”

“Come on Hisao, we got introduced last night on the track. You know why I’m here, I guess I already knew why you’re here, so let’s just get started. I’m guessing Emi taught you how to stretch when you were running with her, right?

I nod, and we head down from the bleachers so he can see for himself. I do a few of the easy ones Emi showed me, but Kenta just stands there with his arms crossed. It feels like he’s judging me.

“Good, she showed you the quick ones. You should be ready, now come on, start jogging. I’ll run with you for a bit, then Miki can do the cooldown laps with ya, sound good?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I step onto the track and begin jogging at a leisurely pace, but Kenta stays behind to talk to a younger girl on the team.I feel like slowing down and waiting for him, but he’s finished already and is quickly closing the distance between us.

“So Hisao, you know why I was out at night now. Why were you out wandering like a fool?” He laughs at his own remark, but looks at me with raised eyebrows.

“I was thinking.”

“About Miki, right?”

“How did you know? Did she tell you about our trip to the city?”

“No, I just had a hunch, but now you get to tell me. I’ll hear her side later, but now is our time bud, so shoot.” Damn, he got me. I briefly consider changing the topic, but there’s no point trying. He knows I was thinking about her, and doing so now would make him jump to conclusions.

“I don’t really know what our relationship is.” This earns me more raised eyebrows and a quizzical stare.“I mean, we went to the city with Misha yesterday, right? Well we got separated from her and ended up in a café. I feel like something happened there, but I don’t really know what. It feels like we’re closer now, but nothing changed.”

I pick up the pace a bit. Kenta adjusts his speed to match mine. “Well, that’s certainly interesting. I don’t know how close you two are, but it sounds to me like she might like you. Hell, I can see why too, you’re a good lookin’ guy Hisao.

Please don’t say things like that, it feels weird. I don’t care what you do in that shed, and I don’t want to be a part of it. He laughs at me when he sees how uncomfortable I look.

“Just wait and see how things turn out, theres the festival in a few days, she might invite you to that. Would be a little awkward though, I already got an invite, so I would probably get in the way.”

That’s right! The festival is this Sunday, I almost forgot about it. I remember Suzu’s advice, to just let Miki decide, and this sounds too good to be true.

“No, that’s perfect! I already spoke to Suzu this morning about it, and she said to let Miki decide too. If she doesn’t invite me, I could always go with Suzu anyway, I haven’t really spoken to her much, and I feel bad about it.”

Emi blurs by, quickly followed by Miki. It looks like they are racing.

“Sounds like a plan. Anyway, let’s do some actual exercise, my grandmother runs faster than this!” Kenta sets a pace, expecting me to keep up, and I manage to, but barely. I can feel my heartrate increasing already, and a familiar burning in my legs is back. This is how I felt on my second run with Emi.

We make it to the second lap before I have to start breathing through my mouth. At the second turn my legs feel like they want to give out, and by the time we are about to start the third lap, I am dripping with sweat.

I slow down and Kenta turns around to check up on me.

“Done for the day? That was pretty good considering how many runs you missed with Emi. Alright, I’ll walk with you until Miki gets here, then I’m off for some endurance sprinting.”

We walk the track, much like we did last night, and Kenta takes the time to watch the other runners. I look for Miki, and see her just ahead of Emi. They are both running at top speeds, and Miki looks determined to win this never-ending race. As they come around the second turn, Miki notices me and slows down. Emi whizzes by as Miki pulls up beside me.

Kenta nods at both of us and takes off after Emi at a blinding rate, passing her within a few seconds. I see why he is the track captain.

“So, you get a good workout Hisao?” Miki asks, panting from own. Out of breath as she may be, she hasn’t broken a sweat.

“Yeah, Kenta was pretty cool. We talked for a bit, then he set a workout pace for a few laps. You looked like you were having fun.”

She chuckles, shaking her head. “I don’t enjoy running Hisao, I just do it because I can’t do what I used to anymore. That’s why I don’t like Emi, she can still run.”

What did she used to do? Whatever it was, it doesn’t seem to hold much value to her anymore, as she mentioned it so casually just now.
“I get it, sort of. I used to play soccer before my accident, but it’s not safe anymore. I never really had a passion for it though.”

We take a few minutes to breathe, enjoying the silence between us. I feel great, this must be the “Runner’s high” Emi talked about. I steal a quick glance at Miki, arms over her head like my own. There’s a slight sheen to her, the thin layer of sweat I failed to notice previously reflects the sun’s rays. She is literally glowing right now.

She looks beautiful. I hadn’t noticed it before, but Miki is a very attractive girl. Her dark skin and purple eyes draw you in. Her hair flows down her back, bouncing with each step and ruffling in the breeze. She notices me staring and grins at me, and I instantly feel the blood rush to my cheeks.

“So Hisao, you got any plans for Sunday?”

Sunday. The festival.

“Nope, none at all. I completely forgot about it actually, you just reminded me.” That’s a lie. Kenta reminded me, but I keep that between myself and him. It’s probably for the best.

“Oh good, I thought Misha might have tried to steal you. Anyway, Kenta and I are going to be checking out some of the stalls and stuff, you want to come with? Who knows, we might convince Suzu to come along too!”

“Sure, it’s better than sitting in my room all day reading, right? That’s probably what I would end up doing.” This draws laughter.

“God, you sounded just like Suzu there! She did it last year too, and I ended up staying in her room with her. I didn’t have many friends at the time, so it was just the two of us.”

“Fun times, huh?”

“Yeah… fun times.”



We finish our cooldown laps and head our separate ways, Miki heads back to the dorms and I go to the nurse to make sure my heart doesn’t explode. Kenta is still running at the same speed he left at, making it clear yet again why he is the one in charge.

I enter the auxiliary building and head to the nurse’s office, exchanging smiles with the staff as they walk by.

I raise my hand to knock on the door when it opens, and I am met by Suzu. She has an ice pack held to her forehead.

“Hey Hisao. I fell. Gotta go lay down. How are you?” Her blunt statements catch me off guard. Did she have a sleep attack with nobody around? Why else would she be alone?

“Uh, I’m fine, just here for a checkup. Just finished my run. So, you fell? Didn’t anyone help you?”

“Nope. I was in my room when it happened, and I hit my head on my books. You saw them, right? They hurt. Anyway, I had to walk over here on my own after I woke up.” She lifts the ice from her head to show a nasty bruise. It’s almost as big as my fist! “So how did the run go?”

“Good. Miki invited me to join her and Kenta at the festival. She said she would try convincing you to come too, so be warned. Oh, and I might come borrow a book if that’s alright?”

She nods, and I let her pass before entering the nurses office. He is looking through some files on his desk.

“Uh, hello?”

“Ah, Nakai! Finished your conversation, did you? I didn’t hear a goodbye, so- You know what, never mind that. What can I do for you?” He sets his papers off to the side and takes a sip from the same mug he was drinking from on Monday.

“Well I just finished my run, so I thought it might be a good idea to see you. Just to make sure I didn’t overdo it or something.”

“Ah, I understand. Right then, lift your shirt so I can listen.” I do as he says, and he proceeds to follow the procedure of a regular checkup. He finished quickly and I let my shirt fall down. “Everything is fine! You had the right idea coming here though Hisao, it’s good to see you taking your health seriously.”

“Well, I don’t want to just give up, do I?”

“Do you enjoy running Hisao?” His question catches me off guard, leaving me stunned.

“I, uh, think so? I mean, I feel great after a run, but I don’t really remember actually doing it…”

“As I thought. You run because you get to run with Miki, don’t you? I had you tagged as Emi’s type honestly, but if you’re into Miki, who am I to judge? And don’t blush, I know you like her, it’s my job to pick up on these things.”

Why does everyone think I like Miki? I’m still not sure about it myself. I try to construct a response in my head, but I can’t think of anything clever.

“You’re right. Probably. I don’t know why I like spending so much time with her though, that’s the thing.”

“So you like her, you just don’t know why?” He frowns. Running a hand through his hair, he sighs. “I’m guessing she hasn’t told you anything about her accident yet, it’s probably too-“

“Actually, she told me it happened the winter before my heart attack.” His eyes shoot open.

“She said that? To you? Really… That’s interesting. Well, we could stand here and dance around the topic all day, but I have work to do. I’m a busy man Hisao, and I’m sure you have homework to do. You know what? Come around after every run and we won’t need to do the other checkups anymore. We can talk more then.”

He ushers me out of the office and I hear him rearranging papers and mumbling to himself. I mull over his words as I head back to the dorms. Everyone seems to be taking an interest to my relationship with Miki, whatever it actually is.

I push my door open and turn on the light. I pick up a book I borrowed from the library and start reading. It’s a sci-fi novel about a government controlling it’s people through hypnosis, but it doesn’t really catch my attention. Maybe I should do that homework the nurse mentioned, it might help distract me.

Seconds turn into hours as I mindlessly grind away at equations. I have been staring at the same question for the past twenty minutes without even reading it. I look out the window, it’s still bright outside, so I get up and go for a walk.
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Next
Feedback, corrections and general discussion is welcome, as always :D

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 22/09/2013]

Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:50 pm
by Mirage_GSM
“Done for the day? That was pretty good considering how many runs you missed with Emi.
Hmm... I kinda lost track of what day it is in your story, but considering it started with the "Cold War" scene which takes place on Thursday shortly after Hisao's first run with Emi and it is still not Sunday yet, he can't have missed too many runs^^°

In fact, I just realized that you're setting an incredible pace for this story. No more than two days after having talked to Miki for the first time, they've had several dates, he slept in her room, and they're so obviously head over heels for each other that literally everyone they know has noticed.
You might want to reduce the tempo a bit...

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 22/09/2013]

Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:09 pm
by Fc360
So Hisao goes for a run, gets all sweaty and hot and doesn't go for a shower or get dressed? lol

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 22/09/2013]

Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:10 pm
by Numb
Fc360 wrote:So Hisao goes for a run, gets all sweaty and hot and doesn't go for a shower or get dressed? lol
I completely forgot about that, I will need to write that in the next part of the chapter :lol:

EDIT: I forgot again. He has one in the morning next chapter though :lol:

Re: Blossom -Chapter Five: Trinity [Part Three]

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:23 pm
by Numb
This one is shorter, but I feel like trying to extend it to meet my usual post size would ruin it. Hopefully you all enjoy it :D
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I push the doors to the dorms open for the third time today and step into the sun. It isn’t warm like it was earlier, and a slight breeze sends chills through me. A few students are on their way inside, but I ignore them and start toward the girls dormitories.

I need to talk to somebody. Somebody who isn’t Miki. Spending time around her just confuses me even more. I don’t know where Misha’s room is, so the only option I have left is Suzu. I could ask for a book while I’m there, she must have something good in that corner.

I pass a few girls on my way in, drawing a few strange looks. It probably isn’t normal to be headed to a girls room at this hour, but curfew isn’t in effect yet. I head up the stairs and bump into Shizune. We stop, staring at each other for far too long, and she pulls a notepad from her bag. She carries this at all times? I guess it makes sense.

[What are you doing here?]

I read the note quickly before scribbling down a response.

[Visiting a friend.]

She grabs the pad back quickly, smoke billowing from her pen as she writes.

[Fine. We need your help tomorrow, Student Council business. You’re free, Miki isn’t going to be in class for a while.]

Damn. There’s no way I’ll manage to weasel my way out of this one, so I just nod and try to head past her, but she cuts me off again. She pushes another note into my hands.

[Meet Misha and me for lunch tomorrow. We eat in the Student Council room. We have a surprise.]

I look up to try to question her, but she is already gone. A surprise? My curiosity will be the death of me. I shove the note in my trouser pocket and continue up the stairs to Suzu’s room.

Luckily there are no more interruptions and I make it to her door quickly. I raise my hand to knock. The door behind me, Miki’s, opens as my fist makes contact with the wooden surface. I turn, expecting to see Miki, but instead I am met by Suzu herself.

“Hisao? Why are you here?” She gives me her best confused look, but no matter what expression she makes, she just looks tired.

“You said earlier I could come borrow a book. The library would be closing by now, so I thought I would take you up on the offer, all the ones I have are pretty boring.”

She looks dazed for a second, but I can’t tell if she is trying to remember saying that or just on the verge of sleeping again. After a few minutes of awkwardness, she nods and we step into her room. She just points to the corner and flops onto her bed, probably falling asleep before making contact.

I take a look at her collection, but most of it is in English. Is Suzu fluent? Learn something new everyday I guess. A few familiar titles and authors stand out, most of them books I have already read. I pick out a few interesting titles, one in particular really stood out. It’s an old Japanese poetry book, full of haiku and some short stories of the old days.

I look around for a pen and some paper. I feel like I should leave a note with a list of what I borrowed, or Suzu will probably forget. There doesn’t seem to be anything around though, and waking her probably isn’t a good idea, so I’ll just give her a list tomorrow.

I turn off her light as I leave, but her voice stops me.

“Stick around for a bit Hisao, you have all night to read.”

After turning the light back on, I see her sitting cross-legged on her bed, rubbing her eyes and yawning. I step back in and close the door behind me. I take a quick glance at my watch, curfew starts in one hour.

“Uh, alright I guess. What do you want to talk about?” I suck at starting new conversations. It always feels awkward when you try to bring up common interest, only to find out you don’t have much to say about it.

“Well, your choice in books for one. I see you have my poetry collection there. I never saw you as a poet Hisao, ever tried writing any yourself?” She leans to the side and rummages through a small pile of paper by her nightstand.

“No, I haven’t. I only started reading when I was in the hospital, so I never had an interest in poetry before. Have you?

She is trying to give me a small stack of paper, but I’m still holding the books. I place them down on the bed and take a seat next to Suzu before taking it from her. It’s all poetry, and it’s really good.

“You wrote these? Wow… You’re really good Suzu.”

“I’m not that good Hisao, I just know the basics… Alright, maybe I’m good. I could teach you sometime, if you’d like? It isn’t too hard, just putting your thoughts on paper, you can do that, right?”

I remain silent as I read the same verse again.

And in the silence
Where the shadows lay
I fake defiance
And force them away

But when they leave
I’m left alone
The dying leaf
Shaken, from home


Are these really her thoughts?

“Suzu… This verse. You said poetry is putting your thoughts on paper. Is this… Is this you?” I point out the verse I had been reading, but she just smiles at me.

“Hisao, I’m not depressed, don’t worry. To be a good writer, you need to make things darker than they actually are, it sometimes worries people, but there it is. I’m fine Hisao. I’ve done the therapy thing before, I’m stable.”

Suzu went through therapy? I just keep learning new things about her. I decide not to press the issue.

“Oh… Good. Anyway, these are really good. I might try it one day, seems like fun. Oh, right, I saw you had a lot of books in English. Are you fluent? They looked pretty advanced.”

Suzu shies away slightly. Is she ashamed?

“Yes… I wanted to read Shakespeare in his mother tongue. It’s nerdy, I know!”

“No, Suzu, it’s a good thing. You know how many people would kill to be good at English in this school? I know I would, I suck at it.

She looks up at me, her face red, but she is smiling again. I set her poetry aside and smile back.

“I should probably head back, don’t want to end up here after curfew again.”

“Again?”

“Uh, the day we met. After the Shanghai? I, uh, kind of ended up staying the night in Miki’s room.” I can feel myself going red, but Suzu just smiles again.

“Oh, that. I knew. Miki tells me everything, we’re like sisters Hisao, just be careful what you say to her. Got it?”

“Don’t worry, I know to let her decide what she wants to do, good night Suzu.”

“G’night.”

I leave and close the door behind me.

Outside the dormitories, I realise how long I was in Suzu’s room. The sun is gone now, and the night guards are showing up to their posts. One of them gives me a stern look, telling me I should really hurry back before I get into trouble. Taking their silent advice, I increase my pace to almost a jog and make my way back to my room.
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The usual, feedback, editing mistakes I missed, blah blah blah :lol:

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:40 pm
by Fc360
He still hasn't been for a shower, he slept in his own sweat lol

PS. I'm just messing with ya, this is awesome keep up the fantastic work :)

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 2:06 pm
by Mirage_GSM
[Meet Misha and I for lunch tomorrow...
"Misha and me"

I'm still confused about the timeline... Which day is it currently?

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 2:50 pm
by Numb
Mirage_GSM wrote:
[Meet Misha and I for lunch tomorrow...
"Misha and me"

I'm still confused about the timeline... Which day is it currently?
Corrections made, and this chapter occurs on a Tuesday I think. I keep having to refer back to chapter three and the "I Hate Mondays" mug, then reading through to figure out what day I am on. Festival day is Sunday, but I have written myself into a situation in which I can easily blur some days over to speed things up. Anyway, I will start work on chapter six tomorrow, working on other things tonight :D

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 7:19 pm
by Mirage_GSM
It can't be a Tuesday. Your first day was Thursday.
Since it is not yet Sunday, it has to be either Friday or Saturday...
Got to reread the first chapters to see how many days have passed since chapter 1.

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 7:50 pm
by blink
Mirage_GSM wrote:It can't be a Tuesday. Your first day was Thursday.
Since it is not yet Sunday, it has to be either Friday or Saturday...
Got to reread the first chapters to see how many days have passed since chapter 1.
Also, if it were the Tuesday before the festival, Hisao wouldn't have run with Emi at all yet. He doesn't go to the track until the third day he's at the school, he meets Emi when she runs into him in the hall on his second day.

Other than timing issues, I've enjoyed the writing and story so far.

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:36 am
by Mirage_GSM
No, he collides with Emi on Wednesday and his first run with her is on Thursday, just before the "Cold War" between Shizune and Lilly where this story starts.

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 1:39 pm
by Numb
Well, for the sake of the story, I need to push all of the canon events BACK one day, so everything lines up. I just worked it out now, I should be writing the festival chapter right now, as it has now reached Sunday. I still had two chapters in mind before the festival, so imagine Hisao transferred a day earlier than in the game, so Cold War happens on a Wednesday instead of Thursday. That should give me the breathing room I need, sorry for messing this up, didn't take the timeline into consideration when I started this :oops:
I also made the minor tweak needed to the "I Hate Mondays" mug line, it now doesn't state what day it is. Anyway, on to writing this screwy timeline Saturday :lol:

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 25/09/2013]

Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 10:21 pm
by blink
Mirage_GSM wrote:No, he collides with Emi on Wednesday and his first run with her is on Thursday, just before the "Cold War" between Shizune and Lilly where this story starts.
You're right, I was off by a day.
Numb wrote:Well, for the sake of the story, I need to push all of the canon events BACK one day, so everything lines up. I just worked it out now, I should be writing the festival chapter right now, as it has now reached Sunday. I still had two chapters in mind before the festival, so imagine Hisao transferred a day earlier than in the game, so Cold War happens on a Wednesday instead of Thursday. That should give me the breathing room I need, sorry for messing this up, didn't take the timeline into consideration when I started this :oops:
I also made the minor tweak needed to the "I Hate Mondays" mug line, it now doesn't state what day it is. Anyway, on to writing this screwy timeline Saturday :lol:
It happens. Looks like we both need to be a little more careful.

Re: Blossom - Chapter Four: Cityscape [Part Two]

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 12:36 am
by motokid108
Numb wrote:“Oh, right, I forget not everyone knows about it. Basically I can’t feel pain or temperature.
I see what you did there, before i even read on :twisted: