Archimedes wrote:
It's not something you should accept lightheartedly. No Sane father would accept it so easily if his daughter wouldn't talk to him for years. How much agency do you attribute to someone who is probably learning the alphabet? That is ridiculous.
First off,
where did
anyone imply that this was accepted lightheartedly? Who ever said he'd easily accept it? All we see is the end result at the latter end of the 12 years. At the end of 12 years, he has in all likelihood tried everything you could think of and then some. He admits that he's not too proud to consult experts. He isn't saying "Eh, fuck her. I gave it a good try. At least I have Hideaki." He's saying "You seriously think you have a better idea of how I should interact with my own daughter? You've known her for two months. I have done everything for her, and she still rejects me."
And you know what? Even after that, you know what he does?
He listens to Hisao! He is so desperate to reestablish a connection with his daughter that he does EXACTLY what the worthless glue-huffing delinquent suggested. It fails, but he takes the time out of his busy schedule to travel over to their boondocks and watch her feats of self-aggrandisement.
Or, I guess we can take your interpretation that Jigoro really is only skin deep, and he really traveled all the way to their school because he can't be bothered to use any long-distance form of communication to let her know that he has a new phone - even when neither of them EVER use their phones. And the camping trip was because... bear livers, I guess? And the "call if you need anything" was really nothing more than a formality.
Yeah, Jigoro really IS shallow if you insist on taking everything at face value. Never mind that even Hisao is intelligent enough to recognise that Jigoro really does care about her.
[Lecture on Child Development]
Now, are you still willing to argue that a 6/7/8 year old child is considerable to blame? I say that you can't win this, and if you are willing to argue that someone who can't even subtract numbers (like 10-3=7) is considerable responsible for his actions, you will only ridicule yourself.
So, is it really necessary that i explain the lack of cognitive and emotional ability from a 6/7/8/9 year old in detail (you would be surprised how slowly attention span, sense of justice and self control emerge), or can we spare that discussion?
You aren't the only one who's studied child development. Unfortunately, you're talking as someone who doesn't seem to have ever actually interacted with a child of that age. (I may be wrong, but that's the implication of your words.)
I will concede, most children don't mean it when they say "I'll never speak to you ever again." It is very much unusual for a child to stop speaking to her father for 12 years
regardless of the circumstances. You claim it must be Jigoro's fault. What, pray tell, could he possibly have done to so scar this 6-year-old that she absolutely refuses to talk to him?
If, as you so delicately imply, it were some sort of physical or sexual abuse, there would be scars - emotional if not physical. If she were sexually abused, she would not have her "healthy adolescent sex drive." If she were abused physically or sexually, do you really think that Akira, a motherfucking
lawyer with rich and powerful connections (who have no love for Jigoro) who has been unafraid to express her distaste for parents who fail to perform their parental duties, would simply stand by and watch this go on? Doing nothing more than occasionally "babysitting" Hideaki?
One possibility, and in my opinion the most likely, is that Jigoro talks with his children like you would talk with adults.
What does this even
mean? Have you ever seen a situation where anything like that works? In any situation that I can think of that may be similar, the child might be repelled at first, but he quickly recognises what the adult is
trying to do, especially when it's a relation as close as your own father.
Taking the rest of your idea, "the father she never had," it could perhaps work if Jigoro was always absent. But that doesn't jibe with what we see of him. He's a man who does things himself - he's rich enough to hire a full-time cook, or some sort of similar waitstaff, yet he chooses to cook himself. He could have easily hired a messenger to let Shizune know that he had a new phone (or even made some arrangement with Akira, considering how often she has Hideaki tagging along), but he went himself. He is extremely busy, admitted, but he seems pretty inclined to give himself 100% in everything he does, which would include spending time with/doing things for his kids (remarkably like a certain Student Council president...).
But let's look at what little we have to go on from the canon. I'll let Hisao take the stage, just after Jigoro's Act 4 appearance:
Neither of them can express their feelings very well. In Shizune's case, I have to question whether she would if she could. It explains a lot, but she doesn't seem unhappy with the arrangement. Even so, I wonder if she might be.
And then his conversation with Shizune:
It's totally ridiculous asking me to go on a trip. The timing couldn't be worse, it overlaps the student council elections, for one. Second, I haven't even cheered up Misha. If you consider that, it's annoying to even have anything else to think about.
...
I think your dad might care about you more than he lets on.
I know.
And then he reflects on her manner of thinking:
I remember what Yuuko said, that she found Shizune brave, in a kind of way. I think I understand what she meant, and I have to agree. Even though it could also be called recklessness, and foolishness, and pointless stubbornness, I guess you could call it “bravery” too. However, I can see that there is a fundamental flaw in Shizune's thinking that I hadn't noticed until now. [...] Shizune's way of thinking is abnormal. Few normal people would reject a friend, and then expect things to go back to the way they were so easily. Shizune does, because she sees life as, if I had to put it simply, capable of being segmented and compartmentalized. [...] For Shizune, an event is an event, and few of them cross over. Life is compartmentalized around triumphs, failures, and decisions, where each one stands as its own story. It's why the thought of a vacation is jarring to her. It's why she can only appreciate people's immediate emotions. It's exactly how someone obsessed with living in the moment would think, really.
That character sketch, in all honesty, doesn't really jibe with any of your theories. But we do have two other instances of long-term animus from Shizune - Lilly and (bad end) Hisao. The common thread is that she defines people. Shizune and Lilly had a falling out because Shizune came to the conclusion that Lilly is lazy, thoughtless, and irresponsible. She breaks up with Hisao because she comes to the conclusion that he has decided that it's okay to lie to her.
So what does she say about Jigoro? That he interrogates guests, he says insulting things about her friends, he proposes absurdities like trading hairstyles, and ... he has bad timing? I can see her being annoyed about those sorts of things, but it's nowhere near the breaches of trust that Lilly and Hisao are guilty of.
This all leads me to think that this
isn't a long-term single event sort of thing. If it's not a single key point, Jigoro could be expected to be at a loss. It can't be a matter of Shizune defining him as a persona non grata because she accepts that he cares about her more than he lets on - which in Shizune-ese means that Jigoro is
defined by his inability to properly express how much he cares for her.
And now, well... I need to think about this more. I'm trying to put the pieces together, but none of them fit. Hopefully things will be clearer after I sleep on it.
As it concerns Jigoro, though, when I see his comment about 12 years, I don't see him being casual or dismissive. I see a broken man, trying to figure out where he's gone wrong. "You don't know who I am. You don't know what I've done. You have no idea the troubles I've been through. And yet you think you know better than me how I should live my life. You think you know better than me how I should treat my daughter. I have spared no effort and no expense to give her the best life possible, in spite of her disability, and yet she rejects me. She has rejected me since she was a very small child. And now you're telling me that I can make everything better by going to see what she's done at her school, give her a big smile, and tell her she's done a great job? If it were that simple, I would have done it years ago."
I don't know about japan, but where i live it's slander to call a pilot a bus driver. There are even minor things that can be (and are) legally considered as slander/factual claim. Don't forget the greeting. It would be hard to prove in the case of Hisao, though.
And that's why we should probably avoid discussing the legal intricacies of whether or not it's actual slander. Legal definition aside, the accusation of slander for such a benign comment is essentially "You hurt my feelings! I'm telling!" Hardly a mature response.
To make that Point he could just as well used a theoretical person. (some people like to sniff glue, does that make it right?). That wasn't an objective argument.
And yet several times through this entire discussion, just about every one of us had trod dangerously close to ad hominem. You are correct that a legitimate debate should remain in the abstract. But it doesn't always happen that way, and a needlessly antagonistic response shouldn't be legally actionable, nor should it be considered definitive proof that an individual is an irredeemable asshole.
I don't think it's irrelevant. In that case you blame hisao in being wrong at something he can't be right at - how is he to blame, then?
Even if the best answer is still a wrong answer, it isn't a binary situation. Let's pretend that, rather than "I like my sweater," Hisao said "Your daughter thinks it's great - especially the way it stimulates her bare nipples." I think we can agree that that is an example of a very wrong answer. If every choice loses points, they're all "wrong" choices. In that situation, the "right" choice would be the "best" choice - the one that loses the fewest points.
So yes, he can be blamed for giving a boneheaded answer, even if there's no "right" answer.
Also, i believe that you had blamed him just as well if he ignored it. (beta behavior, rude, not defending...)
Are you making assumptions about what I would have done were the circumstances different (i.e., Hisao ignores Jigoro's sweatervest comment and Jigoro gets angry because of it)? I'm not sure what difference that makes at all. Of course I'm going to based my interpretation on the actual text. If Jigoro flew into an insane rage every time Hisao said the word "cantaloupe," then a reasonable person would conclude that there's something about the way Hisao says "cantaloupe" that angers Jigoro. So I'm not really getting what point you were trying to make with that statement.
The worst that Hisao did was changing the subject, accidentally saying something awkward and asking Jigoro for his profession (so far, nobody answered my question if they hadn't asked a guy always wearing a katana what his profession is).
Now, be honest. Have you never ever changed the subject if you didn't wanted to talk about something (especially at the parents of your GF?), accidentally said something in such a way that it sounded ambiguous or asked some question that could possibly be considered rude to ask? (i don't even see why it is, maybe it's a cultural thing) - Especially back in the days when you were still a teenager / young adult? I believe that everyone did.
We only have the words (and delivered from a biased party, at that). Tone, facial expression, and body language are all absent. Take a simple phrase like "What did you eat for dinner?" Say it out loud, emphasising a different word each time. You'll get six very different questions. And that's just word emphasis. And the meaning shifts again if you say it with a sarcastic tone, a playful tone, a suspicious tone. And then there are the subtle cues of body language, eye contact, and so on and so forth. So it's actually pretty hard to get an honest evaluation of whether Jigoro was on a short fuse or Hisao was being a dick (or both - both is also an option).
And whether or not I've said or done something stupid in my life is also irrelevant. a stupid action is a stupid action. Some people are more gracious than others, and may be more charitable in ignoring the offense, especially if it's an honest mistake. But (for example) an orthodox Jew is perfectly justified in taking offense at your gift of bacon-wrapped scallops.
I can easily see that Hisao isn't good enough in the eyes of Jigoro, who seems to have unrealistic expectations. (First, Shizune isn't the perfect match either, really. Shes deaf, shes strange, stubborn, childish and cold. She has a broken childhood and she goes to the same school as Hisao and has only a vague idea about what to do with her life. That aren't the best premises to date a demigod. Second, Hisao almost died and just spent a few months in a hospital and found out that his live will possibly be quite short. Afterwards he went to a school for disabled people. He gets exhausted by even minor activity. How "alpha" can someone in his situation be?)
You say Jigoro has "unrealistic expectations." With the possible exception of his ranting about how inadequate the Student Council is (and even there, he does have a bit of a point in the aggregate if not the specifics), where does he EVER cite an unreasonable standard? As for Hisao, I never really said he had to be an alpha - that may be far too much to expect from him. The issue is that Hisao's a dead fish. That aside, alpha's a state of mind. It's (among other things) the drive to overcome adversity. Wouldn't that be kind of meaningless if adversity made it impossible to be an alpha?
That may explain, but doesn't justify the insults from Jigoro, who also is a grown up man and should act like one.
And it's very possible that he normally acts like one. I already presented (with some basis) the idea that Hisao brings out the worst in Jigoro. That doesn't justify his actions, but there's quite a divide between "wild man-child" and "loses temper from prolonged exposure to daughter's loser boyfriend."
The innuendo doesn't seem obvious for me, but i take your word for it. In that case Jigoros response makes sense.
From the words alone, no, it's not obvious. Refer back to my comment about how there's much more than just the words in actual communication. If we're generous to Hisao, he spoke normally and Jigoro was actively looking to take offense. If we're generous to Jigoro, Hisao was being a smartass (and possibly knew exactly what he was doing).