Developments, Chapter 6
Posted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:08 pm
I'm already awake when my alarm goes off on the last full day of classes. I woke with a start sometime around 3 AM, but never got back to sleep. Still, I'd been trying to relax for a while, so the alarm still gave me a jolt. I down my medication and make my way to the shower early in an attempt to avoid Kenji.
The past couple of days, I've felt like I was swimming through molasses. When I haven't been in class or eating lunch on the roof with Emi and Rin, I've been spending most of my time reading in my dorm room. Some of that has been spent going over the college materials I got from Mutou. I'm still pretty convinced that I'll be going into the sciences at university, but the idea of teaching doesn't quite appeal to me as much as it did a couple weeks ago.
I've been continuing to avoid going to the library, or the tea room. Shizune would probably call me a coward, and with good reason. Still, I want to know exactly what I'm going to say when I talk to Lilly, or Hanako for that matter. Actually, it hasn't been that hard at all to avoid them. Lilly's been wrapped up with paperwork, and Hanako's been busy with the newspaper club. All I've had to do is go back to my dorm after class, and I've been free and clear.
Tanabata was particularly difficult. I had promised to take Lilly, back when we were just starting out. I'd been looking forward to seeing what kind of yukata she might have worn, and whether or not Hanako might decide to join us. Instead, other than lunch, I spent the day in the dorm, interrupted only by Kenji congratulating me on my wisdom in not going out. Of course, that meant that I was wrapped up in thoughts of my last conversation with Lilly.
Was there something else I could have said that day? Was there something I could have done differently? She said she'd known she was leaving for "some time", but how long? If she'd known since she'd gotten the summons, that means she knew even before we went to Hokkaido, even before she confessed to me. Could it be that the whole relationship was just meant as one last fling before she left for her new life? Just one last good memory of this place?
Tomorrow is the last day of classes, and tomorrow night Lilly leaves Yamaku for good. Shortly thereafter, Hanako is going to be leaving as well, traveling around Japan.
As for me...well, when Lilly first told me she was leaving, I seriously considered just going home. After thinking about it, though, I realized that that would be too much like giving up. My life has changed a lot since I've been here, and I really don't want to go back to my old life.
Emi was right about one thing: if I went home, I'd lapse into bad habits. That's why I want to really try and be her running partner again. At least I'll have something to focus on. She's tried to help me on several occasions, and I've just pushed her aside. So on Sunday morning, I'll be out on that track.
The following week, Shizune and Misha will be back, too. I remember Shizune saying that the Student Council often has extra work, especially toward the end of the break. I kind of feel like I owe her a little, too, for helping me out during my first days here. I may not want to join the Student Council, but it wouldn't hurt me to help them out, even if it is just to keep me busy.
For now, though, I still have today and tomorrow to get through. I come back to my room, get dressed, and have a quick breakfast before heading down to class.
The morning classes pass pretty quietly. As I get up and head toward the door, I see Misha preparing to follow me. However, Shizune grabs her cuff before she can get very far and signs something. I vaguely hear a disappointed "Awwww" escape Misha's lips as I exit the classroom.
As has become the norm this week, I head up to the roof to have lunch with Emi and Rin. It just now strikes me that this might be the last time I can do this for a while. Emi lives in the city and won't be staying at school, and...well, I honestly don't know what Rin's plans are. If I wasn't planning to join Emi at the track, I might not see either of them until after the break.
When I get to the roof, both of them are already there. I knew they would be, as I'd already told them I'd buy their lunches in honor of the occasion. I pass out what I'd bought, and as usual Emi digs in quickly while Rin eats more slowly. Once I've finished, I decide to go ahead and dive into the mine field.
"So, Rin, what are you planning to do over the break?" Rin, who had been glancing up at the sky, looks at me for a moment and then shrugs. "Well, do you at least know whether you'll be staying at Yamaku?"
Rin stares at...something behind me, I think. "You're trying to get me to predict the future again. It won't work. It never does. Every time I think I can predict the future, there it is the future already, and all I was predicting was that I could. Predict it. And I hadn't."
Emi, having also finished, chimes in. "Yeah, she's staying here. At least, if this year is anything like the last two."
Rin closes her eyes and takes a sip from her drink box. "Easy for you to say. You have plans for your future."
"Huh?" Emi looks almost shocked at Rin's pronouncement.
Admittedly, I have no idea what Emi's plans for the future might be. For that matter, my own are a little hazy right now, and knowing someone else's might help. "What kind of plans, Emi?"
"Yeah, Rin, what kind of plans do I have?"
"She's going to be a pirate."
Emi looks flabbergasted, and I'm not far behind. "A...pirate? Well, you have been known to snitch my bread now and then..."
This earns me a playful shove from Emi. "Ass. Actually, she's talking about that career survey we did a while back. When they asked what I was going to do after high school, I put down pirate."
I can't help but laugh at this. "Pirate, huh? Is there a lot of call for that these days?"
Emi shrugs, grinning. "I just figured I had a head start, what with the legs and all. So what did you put?"
I have to think, because it had been a while. "I think I just put down that I wasn't sure. I'd just transferred in, and I really hadn't had time to think about it yet."
Emi gives me a mock-serious look. "Oh, that's not good, Hisao," she says, shaking her head. "You do know this kind of thing goes on your record. Now you're marked for life as a directionless loser, doomed to roam Japan as something horrible, like a garbageman or a tax collector."
I gasp in my best imitation of horror. "Oh! Whatever shall I do now! Perhaps I can run off and join some pirate crew somewhere, and earn a good, dishonest living!"
Emi gets up, affecting what sounds like a pirate voice from a movie, if said pirate had recently inhaled a whole balloon's worth of helium, and begins strutting back and forth on the rooftop. "If yer gonna be on my crew, ye scalawag, ye'll have to be shapin' up! Four laps, ‘round the deck!" She stops and turns back to me. "See, I've been working on the voice and everything!"
Both of us break out in laughter at this, and Emi sits back down next to me. I glance over, and I'm struck for a moment by the sight of her, her head thrown back and rocking with laughter, seemingly without a care. I envy her that, just a bit, given my own current floundering state. I also find it...oddly fascinating, like I could forget how lousy I've been feeling if I look hard enough.
Emi has sensed the shift in my mood, and she turns to look at me. "Are you okay, Hisao? You kinda spaced out there."
Rin has wandered off to another corner of the rooftop, watching a butterfly fluttering along the fence, so it's just the two of us over here now. I turn away quickly, as I could feel my cheeks reddening a bit. "Oh, well, I was just thinking of everything that's been going on lately."
"You mean about Lilly." I nod in response. "Have you gotten anywhere with that?"
I lean back against the wall, sighing. "I think I'm starting to understand some things about why this happened, at least. Given the way we left each other, I really don't think there's any point in trying to change her mind now. That doesn't make getting over her any easier, of course."
"No, I guess not."
I sigh heavily. "And then there's Hanako."
Emi straightens up and turns to me, a look of concern on her face. "Oh, right! Lilly's, like, the only person she hangs out with at Yamaku. Well, except for you, I guess."
"Yeah, we've actually gotten pretty close, too, I think."
Emi gets a strange grin on her face. "Wait a second, Hisao. You're not telling me that…"
I scramble to stop her from going down the path I think she's about to travel. "No! No! Nothing like that! Just…we've gotten to be pretty good friends."
Emi winks at me, continuing to grin. "I was just teasing, Hisao. Still, when the three of you first started hanging out in the tea room together, there were some pretty scandalous rumors about the three of you going around."
I goggle at her in response. "You're not serious!"
She laughs again. "There are a lot of people in this school who don't have a lot to do but talk. They come up with all kinds of weird ideas about things, and they spread like wildfire. It's kind of amazing to watch sometimes."
I think for a moment of some of the theories Kenji dreams up, and wonder if this is the same kind of thing. The whole idea makes me shudder. "Well, far be it from me to deprive the rumor mill of its juicy story, but between you and me, even if I wanted to try something like that, I don't think I could handle it."
"Not man enough to handle two girls at once, huh?" Emi has a twinkle in her eye as she says this, but for me, this is kind of serious business, so I glare at her a bit. She backs down apologetically. "Sorry, sorry! Just trying to cheer you up a little!"
I raise an eyebrow and soften my gaze. "No, it's okay, just..." For some reason, I hesitate again to tell Emi about my heart, so I dodge the subject. "I just don't know how Hanako's going to handle Lilly leaving, and I don't know how to talk to her without getting myself all twisted up about it, you know?"
Emi looks at me, surprised. "Are you saying you haven't even talked to Hanako about this?"
I realize now how bad that sounds. No topic is safe, I guess. "Well, I've been trying to come up with the best way to approach things. One thing I can't afford is to get into some kind of argument, with either of them."
"Can't afford? What does that mean?"
Dodge one landmine, step on another. Well, I suppose it might as well come out now. I don't want this to be a surprise on Sunday morning, and really I still don't know why I keep avoiding the subject. "It's...about why I'm here at Yamaku. I have...a weak heart. Arrhythmia. A few months before coming here, I had a heart attack, and if I get too stressed or my system gets jolted, it's possible I could have another. The way it's been acting the last few weeks, I'm afraid the stress of a fight like that might trigger an attack."
Emi's eyes widen. "Seriously?" I nod in response, and she purses her lips, squinting slightly like I've noticed she does when she's thinking. "So, is that why the nurse wanted you to run with me?"
"Pretty much. I think he's hoping that if I can get myself in better shape, it'll take more to throw it out of rhythm. Maybe someday it'll get to the point where I don't feel like any misstep I take could...well, you know."
"Yeah..." Emi looks oddly sad for a moment. However, she collects herself quickly. "Well, that just means I'm going to be keeping an even closer eye on you, you know!"
Somehow, the thought of Emi keeping an eye on me is comforting. "Actually, I'm surprised Rin hasn't told you. She's known since the first week I was here."
Emi glances over at Rin, a mischievous look in her eye. "Oh, has she? Hey, Rin!" Rin cocks her head, looking back in our direction. "Why didn't you tell me about Hisao's..." she glances at me before continuing, "...condition?"
Rin starts wandering back over. "I didn't think it was that interesting."
I smile at her. "I appreciate your keeping my confidence, Rin."
Rin shrugs. "Okay."
Emi glares at both of us, but especially at me. "Hey! Why are you taking her side?"
"Because I didn't want everybody to know. Besides, when she found out, she didn't even know we knew each other."
Emi thinks for a moment. "Hmmm...if you say so. But it's still no excuse for not telling me before, and it's still no excuse for taking her side. You're both jerks." She closes her eyes and nods with a sense of finality. As if the universe agrees with her, the lunch bell rings. Emi and Rin are soon off down the stairs, but not before Emi says "Sunday morning at the track, Hisao! Don't forget!"
As the door closes behind them and I get up from the bench, I know that I am definitely going to miss this over the next few weeks.
~~~~
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The past couple of days, I've felt like I was swimming through molasses. When I haven't been in class or eating lunch on the roof with Emi and Rin, I've been spending most of my time reading in my dorm room. Some of that has been spent going over the college materials I got from Mutou. I'm still pretty convinced that I'll be going into the sciences at university, but the idea of teaching doesn't quite appeal to me as much as it did a couple weeks ago.
I've been continuing to avoid going to the library, or the tea room. Shizune would probably call me a coward, and with good reason. Still, I want to know exactly what I'm going to say when I talk to Lilly, or Hanako for that matter. Actually, it hasn't been that hard at all to avoid them. Lilly's been wrapped up with paperwork, and Hanako's been busy with the newspaper club. All I've had to do is go back to my dorm after class, and I've been free and clear.
Tanabata was particularly difficult. I had promised to take Lilly, back when we were just starting out. I'd been looking forward to seeing what kind of yukata she might have worn, and whether or not Hanako might decide to join us. Instead, other than lunch, I spent the day in the dorm, interrupted only by Kenji congratulating me on my wisdom in not going out. Of course, that meant that I was wrapped up in thoughts of my last conversation with Lilly.
Was there something else I could have said that day? Was there something I could have done differently? She said she'd known she was leaving for "some time", but how long? If she'd known since she'd gotten the summons, that means she knew even before we went to Hokkaido, even before she confessed to me. Could it be that the whole relationship was just meant as one last fling before she left for her new life? Just one last good memory of this place?
Tomorrow is the last day of classes, and tomorrow night Lilly leaves Yamaku for good. Shortly thereafter, Hanako is going to be leaving as well, traveling around Japan.
As for me...well, when Lilly first told me she was leaving, I seriously considered just going home. After thinking about it, though, I realized that that would be too much like giving up. My life has changed a lot since I've been here, and I really don't want to go back to my old life.
Emi was right about one thing: if I went home, I'd lapse into bad habits. That's why I want to really try and be her running partner again. At least I'll have something to focus on. She's tried to help me on several occasions, and I've just pushed her aside. So on Sunday morning, I'll be out on that track.
The following week, Shizune and Misha will be back, too. I remember Shizune saying that the Student Council often has extra work, especially toward the end of the break. I kind of feel like I owe her a little, too, for helping me out during my first days here. I may not want to join the Student Council, but it wouldn't hurt me to help them out, even if it is just to keep me busy.
For now, though, I still have today and tomorrow to get through. I come back to my room, get dressed, and have a quick breakfast before heading down to class.
The morning classes pass pretty quietly. As I get up and head toward the door, I see Misha preparing to follow me. However, Shizune grabs her cuff before she can get very far and signs something. I vaguely hear a disappointed "Awwww" escape Misha's lips as I exit the classroom.
As has become the norm this week, I head up to the roof to have lunch with Emi and Rin. It just now strikes me that this might be the last time I can do this for a while. Emi lives in the city and won't be staying at school, and...well, I honestly don't know what Rin's plans are. If I wasn't planning to join Emi at the track, I might not see either of them until after the break.
When I get to the roof, both of them are already there. I knew they would be, as I'd already told them I'd buy their lunches in honor of the occasion. I pass out what I'd bought, and as usual Emi digs in quickly while Rin eats more slowly. Once I've finished, I decide to go ahead and dive into the mine field.
"So, Rin, what are you planning to do over the break?" Rin, who had been glancing up at the sky, looks at me for a moment and then shrugs. "Well, do you at least know whether you'll be staying at Yamaku?"
Rin stares at...something behind me, I think. "You're trying to get me to predict the future again. It won't work. It never does. Every time I think I can predict the future, there it is the future already, and all I was predicting was that I could. Predict it. And I hadn't."
Emi, having also finished, chimes in. "Yeah, she's staying here. At least, if this year is anything like the last two."
Rin closes her eyes and takes a sip from her drink box. "Easy for you to say. You have plans for your future."
"Huh?" Emi looks almost shocked at Rin's pronouncement.
Admittedly, I have no idea what Emi's plans for the future might be. For that matter, my own are a little hazy right now, and knowing someone else's might help. "What kind of plans, Emi?"
"Yeah, Rin, what kind of plans do I have?"
"She's going to be a pirate."
Emi looks flabbergasted, and I'm not far behind. "A...pirate? Well, you have been known to snitch my bread now and then..."
This earns me a playful shove from Emi. "Ass. Actually, she's talking about that career survey we did a while back. When they asked what I was going to do after high school, I put down pirate."
I can't help but laugh at this. "Pirate, huh? Is there a lot of call for that these days?"
Emi shrugs, grinning. "I just figured I had a head start, what with the legs and all. So what did you put?"
I have to think, because it had been a while. "I think I just put down that I wasn't sure. I'd just transferred in, and I really hadn't had time to think about it yet."
Emi gives me a mock-serious look. "Oh, that's not good, Hisao," she says, shaking her head. "You do know this kind of thing goes on your record. Now you're marked for life as a directionless loser, doomed to roam Japan as something horrible, like a garbageman or a tax collector."
I gasp in my best imitation of horror. "Oh! Whatever shall I do now! Perhaps I can run off and join some pirate crew somewhere, and earn a good, dishonest living!"
Emi gets up, affecting what sounds like a pirate voice from a movie, if said pirate had recently inhaled a whole balloon's worth of helium, and begins strutting back and forth on the rooftop. "If yer gonna be on my crew, ye scalawag, ye'll have to be shapin' up! Four laps, ‘round the deck!" She stops and turns back to me. "See, I've been working on the voice and everything!"
Both of us break out in laughter at this, and Emi sits back down next to me. I glance over, and I'm struck for a moment by the sight of her, her head thrown back and rocking with laughter, seemingly without a care. I envy her that, just a bit, given my own current floundering state. I also find it...oddly fascinating, like I could forget how lousy I've been feeling if I look hard enough.
Emi has sensed the shift in my mood, and she turns to look at me. "Are you okay, Hisao? You kinda spaced out there."
Rin has wandered off to another corner of the rooftop, watching a butterfly fluttering along the fence, so it's just the two of us over here now. I turn away quickly, as I could feel my cheeks reddening a bit. "Oh, well, I was just thinking of everything that's been going on lately."
"You mean about Lilly." I nod in response. "Have you gotten anywhere with that?"
I lean back against the wall, sighing. "I think I'm starting to understand some things about why this happened, at least. Given the way we left each other, I really don't think there's any point in trying to change her mind now. That doesn't make getting over her any easier, of course."
"No, I guess not."
I sigh heavily. "And then there's Hanako."
Emi straightens up and turns to me, a look of concern on her face. "Oh, right! Lilly's, like, the only person she hangs out with at Yamaku. Well, except for you, I guess."
"Yeah, we've actually gotten pretty close, too, I think."
Emi gets a strange grin on her face. "Wait a second, Hisao. You're not telling me that…"
I scramble to stop her from going down the path I think she's about to travel. "No! No! Nothing like that! Just…we've gotten to be pretty good friends."
Emi winks at me, continuing to grin. "I was just teasing, Hisao. Still, when the three of you first started hanging out in the tea room together, there were some pretty scandalous rumors about the three of you going around."
I goggle at her in response. "You're not serious!"
She laughs again. "There are a lot of people in this school who don't have a lot to do but talk. They come up with all kinds of weird ideas about things, and they spread like wildfire. It's kind of amazing to watch sometimes."
I think for a moment of some of the theories Kenji dreams up, and wonder if this is the same kind of thing. The whole idea makes me shudder. "Well, far be it from me to deprive the rumor mill of its juicy story, but between you and me, even if I wanted to try something like that, I don't think I could handle it."
"Not man enough to handle two girls at once, huh?" Emi has a twinkle in her eye as she says this, but for me, this is kind of serious business, so I glare at her a bit. She backs down apologetically. "Sorry, sorry! Just trying to cheer you up a little!"
I raise an eyebrow and soften my gaze. "No, it's okay, just..." For some reason, I hesitate again to tell Emi about my heart, so I dodge the subject. "I just don't know how Hanako's going to handle Lilly leaving, and I don't know how to talk to her without getting myself all twisted up about it, you know?"
Emi looks at me, surprised. "Are you saying you haven't even talked to Hanako about this?"
I realize now how bad that sounds. No topic is safe, I guess. "Well, I've been trying to come up with the best way to approach things. One thing I can't afford is to get into some kind of argument, with either of them."
"Can't afford? What does that mean?"
Dodge one landmine, step on another. Well, I suppose it might as well come out now. I don't want this to be a surprise on Sunday morning, and really I still don't know why I keep avoiding the subject. "It's...about why I'm here at Yamaku. I have...a weak heart. Arrhythmia. A few months before coming here, I had a heart attack, and if I get too stressed or my system gets jolted, it's possible I could have another. The way it's been acting the last few weeks, I'm afraid the stress of a fight like that might trigger an attack."
Emi's eyes widen. "Seriously?" I nod in response, and she purses her lips, squinting slightly like I've noticed she does when she's thinking. "So, is that why the nurse wanted you to run with me?"
"Pretty much. I think he's hoping that if I can get myself in better shape, it'll take more to throw it out of rhythm. Maybe someday it'll get to the point where I don't feel like any misstep I take could...well, you know."
"Yeah..." Emi looks oddly sad for a moment. However, she collects herself quickly. "Well, that just means I'm going to be keeping an even closer eye on you, you know!"
Somehow, the thought of Emi keeping an eye on me is comforting. "Actually, I'm surprised Rin hasn't told you. She's known since the first week I was here."
Emi glances over at Rin, a mischievous look in her eye. "Oh, has she? Hey, Rin!" Rin cocks her head, looking back in our direction. "Why didn't you tell me about Hisao's..." she glances at me before continuing, "...condition?"
Rin starts wandering back over. "I didn't think it was that interesting."
I smile at her. "I appreciate your keeping my confidence, Rin."
Rin shrugs. "Okay."
Emi glares at both of us, but especially at me. "Hey! Why are you taking her side?"
"Because I didn't want everybody to know. Besides, when she found out, she didn't even know we knew each other."
Emi thinks for a moment. "Hmmm...if you say so. But it's still no excuse for not telling me before, and it's still no excuse for taking her side. You're both jerks." She closes her eyes and nods with a sense of finality. As if the universe agrees with her, the lunch bell rings. Emi and Rin are soon off down the stairs, but not before Emi says "Sunday morning at the track, Hisao! Don't forget!"
As the door closes behind them and I get up from the bench, I know that I am definitely going to miss this over the next few weeks.
~~~~
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