Again, thank you very much for the feedback.
Catharsis wrote:This is really, really good. I wish you were going to do more KS-related stuff.
Thanks! While I don't have any immediate plans, that doesn't rule out more KS fics completely later on, if I find the time. We shall see.
Bagheera wrote:Fantastic story. I love stories that salvage bad ends, but this one is up with the two post-neutral end Rin stories in terms of quality (a very tough bar to meet. It felt like a natural continuation of Shizune's route both in terms of writing style and themes and it managed to consume me utterly for a whole day. So kudos for that!
Also, thank you for finishing the story before posting it. Too many stories go unfinished around here, and while I don't mind one whit when authors work at their own pace I do get irked when promising stories wind up getting abandoned because the author loses interest.
Thank you!
I strive to publish only things that can manage to stand on their own at least to some extent, even if they're just chapters in a multi-part story (which of course isn't the case here). That said, this fanfic took 7 months to write and is possibly to largest piece of text I ever released at once... O_o
Thank goodness (and the devs of course) that Katawa Shoujo has such draw and depth to it that it pushed me to keep going until the end.
ProfAllister wrote:Characterwise, Misha was consistent, if not the interpretation I'd use. You did a good job of largely sticking to canon, while taking a couple (conservative) liberties.
I'm not so sure about Shizune. While parts of her actions seemed spot-on, I just don't think I can agree that she'd act that way post-bad end. It's simply inconsistent with my interpretation of her character.
It's interesting that you call it "conservative", because I thought I was actually taking a significant departure from the interpretation used by the majority of fans. From what I've read so far (although more character analysis than fanfics), most people are of the opinion that Misha's cheerfulness is largely fake, a "mask" if you will, which I tried going against here. Then again, maybe I was wrong, because no one really seemed to notice. I should read more fics and less blogs, I suppose.
Shizune... that's hard to say. Frankly, her change of mood in the bad ending storyline itself is so sudden and unexpected, it's almost impossible to pin down the exact cause or her exact thought processes behind it. I came up with my own interpretation, but radically different ones can also be constructed which would fit just as well to the known canon events. I will admit though that I don't think I had the opportunity to properly replicate her "speech" patterns in retrospect; she had too little story-time compared to her relatively difficult-to-pin-down personality. I don't even dare to count how many times I made her sign "of course" over and over... XD (I feel I had similar problems with Lilly.)
In Shizune's arc (i.e., including Act 1), Rin plays a tiny role. Specifically, she's introduced, then disappears. While Hisao could have potentially spent time off-screen with Rin, I find that doubtful. So when Hisao goes to the girls' dorms, we have Rin literally(!) risking her neck for the sake of a cute boy in another class that she met several months ago because... reasons? Even for Rin, that's a bit of a stretch. Similarly, Emi's abandoned so suddenly that you can literally have Hisao stand her up with absolutely no repercussions, as she falls off the face of the earth. While the two of them were reasonably well-written, their presence feels forced.
While I did intentionally deviate from the Shizune route's narrative style in this aspect, I don't believe it was forced - let me explain why.
One thing that disappointed me in Shizune's route was the lack of the rest of the main cast; Lilly did appear a few times, but Hanako had just one scene, and Emi and Rin were missing entirely. In contrast, the other routes, while also largely focusing on the chosen heroine of course, almost always had Shizune and Misha there to some extent. I believe this is completely natural: given Shizune's passion for the Student Council, she has to interact with her fellow students on a daily basis because of her duties - and if Hisao becomes part of the council, the same will be true to him as well, perhaps even more so. Regrettably, the route only showed us a small glimpse of this aspect of the council's work (in Hanako's scene). When it comes to hints, however, it did provide a few: for instance, when talking to Hideaki about the students at Yamaku, Hisao describes all main heroines one after the other; I think it's reasonable to assume that he isn't basing all that merely on the events of a single week in Act One.
Of course, the question of whether Rin would have done something like that for Hisao's sake even with the above taken into account - that's indeed debatable. Rin being Rin, for me it didn't feel completely impossible, but I can certainly understand if you disagree.
As I've stated before, I have significant issue with "soap opera" twists - (previously unknown) evil twins, contrived misunderstandings due to the absolute worst possible timing, freak accidents. (...) I'm not saying that it's inherently bad to break someone down to the point where they justify monstrous actions like that, but it's sloppy when it's due to random trauma, as opposed to a steady gradual process with key milestones along the way.
In the good end, he's not so much psychotic as he is, well, pathetic. It's better executed here, and generally works, but I don't like how his desperate "rat-in-a-cage" demeanor can again be traced back to this one traumatic event.
I have no defense against the soap opera twist. XD I was inspired by the beta storyline where Misha also gets hit by a car (although the whole situation is quite different), but it might easily come across as cheesy regardless.
That said, my intention was to make Hisao's descent into the "dangerously unbalanced" category gradual, with the accident only serving as something that hastens a process which might have occurred by itself anyway - not the sole reason of him snapping. As Hisao himself admits in the good end, his issues had more to do with his inability to cope with losing Shizune than anything else. Chapters 2 and 5 in particular were supposed to highlight this gradual change in his mentality, with other hints also dropped here and there. Of course, if the end result wasn't apparent enough, then my intentions are somewhat irrelevant, so...
Also, "Nyanyanyanyanyanyanya!" wasn't around until 2010, when the story is supposed to take place in 2007 (although some have argued that it can be in 2012). :p
Good catch!
It's actually not the only anachronistic element: while Guitar Hero games were already a hit in 2007, the versions which let you play a full band with drums and the microphone weren't available until the end of the year - and arrived to Japan even later. I did do my research, but in the end I felt that it won't hurt to "cheat" a little for the sake of the plot (or even a cool idea).
I did observe the calendar, though, which is why Misha's birthday was placed on Thursday.
Overall, though, you did a good job. I take significant issue with some of your artistic choices, and I feel they hurt the overall product, but they aren't "wrong" per se. On balance, I enjoyed the read, and spend a significant portion of my (limited) free time to read through it and provide feedback.
If this is all the KS work you'll be doing, godspeed, and I wish you well on your travels. If you plan to stick around and write some more, welcome to the community and enjoy your stay.
Again, thank you for taking the time to write all this, I truly appreciate it. I look forward to reading your own Misha route in the near future.
