Drawbro wrote:Now that I look back at it, listening to the music while looking back at that drawing. I'm damn proud.
And you know what I'm also proud of? I'm proud of seeing there are stories like these out there. And it applies to everyone of you damn lil' Edgars Alan poes. If I drew for your story, even before reading it, it's because I knew it was worth it as all hell.
Still gonna says I love that one, it's gonna be my favorite.
And I'm gonna be quite honest, except the Hanako face I wish to redraw soon, I think that drawing is my best KS drawing for a fanfic so far
I forgot that you started posting here recently, heh. I think it turned out very well and I'm really grateful to you for doing it, it's quite a boon to an author to have something visual to along with it, I think it helps a story make an impact. You've contributed a lot, not just to some of the writefriends here but to the threads as well, and I'm grateful for that as well.
Guest wrote:Keep the KSG tripfag circlejerking in the KSGs, yeah?
Long story short that's rude, no one in this conversation actually uses a trip, and please refrain from posting unwarranted negativity in my threads, especially if you have nothing better to contribute.
Brogurt wrote:
Scissorlips wrote:kissing him tenderly
I don't mean to be a dick but this reminded me pretty straightaway of the time c_user pointed out 89 instances of the word "slowly" in your pastebin profile. Purple prose, while probably not abject enough to irritate your average Joe who's only reading things for fun, is something that you should avoid nonetheless.
And then I skimmed the rest and it looked like it was all Molly's POV so I didn't read much further; my apologies. I guess I just wanted to get that out there.
I really don't think that "tenderly" constitutes purple prose, but that's a matter of opinion, I guess. As for the 'slowly' thing, it's a running joke, nothing more. It's true that I have a mental tic every time I type the word now, but if it's the right word for the situation, I'm still going to use it. My Suzu story alone is somewhere around 80,000 words at the moment, adding together the rest of the stories in my pastebin, the word count is probably somewhere above 100,000. Even if the number of slowlies was twice as much as it is now, less than 200 out of 10,000, or .02%, is not a disturbing trend, and if you disagree, I simply do not care.
Thanks for reading the first five lines, at least.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
On-topic: Jesus Christ, this was awesome. I think this one's not only well-written, but extremely plausible. Oftentimes the relationships that pull the hardest on the heartstrings aren't even romantic. Hell, sometimes there not even friendships in the truest sense of the word, and when the going gets tough, it just gets you GOING. Goddamn it, this made my morning.
Proper kudos to the scene with the violin string breaking. I was listening to this particular song while reading this, and all the crazy emotions swirling around in the story came to a particularly poingnant KAPOW when things got nuts in the track.
Scissorlips wrote:Thanks for reading the first five lines, at least.
I think -if anything- you should thank me for providing an actual criticism, something everyone else in this thread has failed to do recently. Maybe they're just too afraid of ruining their circlejerk they've got going on which does exist, even if that one guy was wrong about tripcodes being involved because if nobody's willing to talk about the writing other than mindless praise, it is going to stagnate.
You made an already great piece even better. Thanks man, it looks awesome and I've updated the link in the post.
Total Destruction wrote:HELL YEAH I GOT A SHOUTOUT
On-topic: Jesus Christ, this was awesome. I think this one's not only well-written, but extremely plausible. Oftentimes the relationships that pull the hardest on the heartstrings aren't even romantic. Hell, sometimes there not even friendships in the truest sense of the word, and when the going gets tough, it just gets you GOING. Goddamn it, this made my morning.
Proper kudos to the scene with the violin string breaking. I was listening to this particular song while reading this, and all the crazy emotions swirling around in the story came to a particularly poingnant KAPOW when things got nuts in the track.
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And I thought the shout out was only fair, heh. Things like "this made my morning" or "this made a rainy day a little better" are the best kind of compliments, so thanks. That's a great song too, it's pretty classy and I see what you mean by the emotional buildup, it fits pretty well. I was going to make a humble suggestion to give the titular song a listen as well, since it would help explain why the piece is divided into two parts... but then realized that the link I provided is only the first half. Whoops. That's fixed now. I still recommend giving the song a shot, it's never required to enjoy the story but it might illuminate some things, like how the first part is a gentle, almost wistful reminiscing while the second part is a building, orchestrated swarm of pain and emotion. Link's fixed now. But anyway, thanks for reading as always, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. (:
Brogurt wrote:I think -if anything- you should thank me for providing an actual criticism, something everyone else in this thread has failed to do recently. Maybe they're just too afraid of ruining their circlejerk they've got going on which does exist, even if that one guy was wrong about tripcodes being involved because if nobody's willing to talk about the writing other than mindless praise, it is going to stagnate.
/conceited rant
I always encourage and even ask for criticism, in fact, in my Suzu thread, someone recently made a long, thought-out post explaining how my pacing was faltering and that it was hindering his enjoyment of the story, which I agreed with and thanked him for. Something like that is useful to me, reading five lines in, shouting purple prose and then bailing is not. Look, I don't expect anyone to read something that they aren't interested in, but uninformed, halfhearted feedback isn't helpful to me, especially since the last thing I heard from you consisted of lol nope, not gonna read this.
As for the circlejerk, Drawbro helped me out and has contributed a lot to KSG, that's simply a fact, and YFA was providing useful feedback and decided to compliment me, which I appreciate but never asked for. You can cry circlejerk all you want, that doesn't make it true.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
If you actually saw Crispychat's response to the post I made, you'd know that this is more than simply an unbiased reaction to criticism, and that it is undeniably a full-blown circlejerkat times. People can be good about not letting the poster of OC be more important than the content itself, but they usually refuse to.
Brogurt wrote:If you actually saw Crispychat's response to the post I made, you'd know that this is more than simply an unbiased reaction to criticism, and that it is undeniably a full-blown circlejerkat times. People can be good about not letting the poster of OC be more important than the content itself, but they usually refuse to.
I have no idea what crispychat has to do with this, but it just seems like the more things outside these forums that get drawn into the conversation, the more circlejerky it becomes. This is derailed from what we were talking about, which was your opinion on the most recent piece. This discussion is pretty much irrelevant now, so thank you for your feedback, but I respectfully disagree.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
Bagheera wrote:Anonymous posting is really starting to piss me off.
Seconded
Thirded
Not a word?
Too bad. Now it is.
Xanatos I'm Sorry.
Xanatos wrote: I was totally going to include the leaf. Otherwise it's just a Ken(ji) doll because I can't model cocks from nothing.
Hello! Did I mention that I have a form of Arrythmia?
LOL WUT: I Am Feeling The Urge To Get More Posts Than You By The End Of The Year. May The Best Man Win
Xanatos: Bring it, Clifford. JOIN US
Brogurt wrote:I think -if anything- you should thank me for providing an actual criticism, something everyone else in this thread has failed to do recently. Maybe they're just too afraid of ruining their circlejerk they've got going on
Guest wrote:You guys certainly aren't doing him any favors in regard to the validity of the "worthless circlejerk" complaints.
Urgh... Fine.
Yes, circlejerking is a common issue these days, couldn't agree more, but the concept of a circlejerk is also both easily and commonly confused with simple friendships build upon a mutual interest.
Also, consider the audience of KS, for the most part, we are social reserved people who have gone through some form of emotional loss or abuse, resulting in us being careful with our approach to social situations, so to call us out on being careful with our use criticism is quite a low blow.
The behavioural pattern of those in a "Circlejerk" is commonly that of rejecting any social attempts from people outside of their circle, yet, take note of my first post on the KS forums:
Scissorlips wrote:
JTemby wrote:I am really envious of your writing abilities, I can't put into words how much glee I've gotten from reading the entire thing today.
Just one think that made me feel slightly uneasy, I'm not familiar with the timeline but I was kinda thrown by the presence of Lilly, considering the ending of exams and discussions about the summer vacation... NOT THAT I'M SAYING YOU SHOULD CHANGE ANYTHING (Please don't change anything!!!!)
Oh whoa no, we're not that far into the school year yet, sorry if I've given that impression. The big end of term exams haven't started yet, the physics test was just a normal test (like the one that they have the day after the festival). Summer vacation has been mentioned a few times, and it's on its way, but it's not quite that near yet. You do raise a good point in that Lilly should be leaving for Scotland the first time pretty soon now, so don't expect to see much of her for a while, if at all. Thanks for mentioning that, and thanks for reading. (:
Three Hanako Stories These are three short stories that I didn't feel needed their own posts. Hanako isn't my favorite of the girls, but her character does leave a lot of room for exploration, and I find that interesting. Two of these are quite old, but they're arranged in chronological order story-wise, although they aren't necessarily connected to eachother. Spoilers for Hanako's bad end in the first.
The Chain
It's been a week since Lilly got back from Scotland. She's come by three times since then, each visit more worried and desperate than the last. When I finally started coming back to class, she tried waiting outside the room a few times. But she's blind, no one else cares enough to answer her questions, and she's too polite to physically stop me as I walk past. I don't say anything, but I know she knows it's me.
I can't look at her face anymore when she does that. And Hisao...
The first day I came back to class, after he had come to my room. After he had just gone on and on and never stopped talking or bothered to listen, how I'd tried and tried to tell him that I didn't want to go out, that it wasn't what I needed. When I finally came back, I could feel his eyes on me from across the room. But I didn't look. He was as invisible to me as I am to everyone else, and that's the way it has to be. It's the way I... the way and I want it, and it's the only way I...
Stop, Hanako. Stop. I can't break down again, who's going to catch me? No one. There's no one here at all. And that's the way I made it. That's the way it has to be.
My therapist called the other day, wondering about the sessions that I've missed. I didn't have anything to say to him, either. The only times I've left this room outside of going to class have been to go to the bathroom or to get food, and both of those I limit to darkest hours of the night, when I'm sure not to encounter anyone else.
And now I sit here, in my room, staring out my window at the ugly, gray sky outside. The books I have sprawled across my bed are going to be overdue soon. I'll need to go back to the library to return them, and I can do that quickly and quietly, probably. But if I wanted more, Hisao might be there, and I...
My only friends now are the books that surround me, and the lock on my door. This room is stifling, I feel like a withering flower. I want to go outside, even if other people would look at me. I want to go to the library and read in the warm afternoon sun, but again, Hisao might be there and...
I hurt him. He had practically asked for it, god, he'd been so stupid! But he was still trying to help. He made a mistake. Everyone does. And by now I'm pretty sure I made one too, but I just don't know what else I could have done, I was backed into a corner and I didn't want to go out but he wouldn't stop talking and I just. I just.
I lay down on my bed, displacing books left and right, a few faint thumping noises mark the ones that fall to the floor. It's not even summer break yet, the school year isn't even close to being over. And I'm more broken than I've ever been. My life wasn't that much different from this, back before I met Lilly, but now, now I... I don't want to go back to living like that. I don't want to be alone, and scared.
Here, in this room, there's no one to look at me. No eyes to pass over my scars, no ears to hear me stutter, no one to judge or ask questions or silently think them. But I miss being around people. Maybe not people, but Lilly, at least. And Hisao, but I...
I can't go on like this. I'm in a rut, and with every day that passes, I'm just being driven further into the ground. But now, when I break down, there won't be anyone to help. Hisao, I didn't... I didn't want to scream at you like that. I didn't want to scream at anyone like that, ever. Why couldn't we understand eachother? I know now that I should have tried harder to make myself clear. Even if I'm broken. Even if I can't be like other people. Even if it's a lie, I just wish someone would treat me like a normal person, like everyone else, and not some damaged little girl who needs to be protected.
Protected... like I'm a flower in a field somewhere, and someone's going to come along and step on me.
No, no. This isn't the orphanage. I'm not that weak, and I'm not in danger. I just wish... I just wish I could have made him understand that.
Hisao.
I turn onto my side in my bed, feeling that familiar pain, that longing ache. Hisao, Hisao, I miss you. I miss chess, and I miss you not caring about my stutter, and I miss just being alone with you, when my fears would be quiet, and you were the only sound.
That's gone, now, though. And all I'm left with is this empty, ugly silence, and the faint whispers of my troubles and mistakes and my worries, like the rustling of paper, echoing in my head. Apart from my fears, the silence is deafening.
There's a knock at my door, bringing an end to the crushing, drenching quiet. I stare at it for several long moments, torn between curiosity and the desire to continue crawling into the deepest, darkest hole I can find.
“Hanako. I know you're here.” A voice calls from the other side. Lilly. Again. This is visit number four, in the span of a week.
For some reasons or another, I find myself slipping quietly across my floor, until there's nothing but the wooden frame of my door between us. With her hearing, she might already know that I'm right here, but it doesn't matter.
Lilly.
I'm sure that Hisao told you what I said. About him. About you. Lilly, Lilly. I want to say so much, so many things, I want to melt into your arms and cry, but I can't, I won't. I burned that bridge. I told them that I'm not some poor, defenseless child, and breaking down now would only make me a liar.
There are worse things to be than a liar, though. Lilly...
“I know you can hear me.” She calls again. “Hanako, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry.”
I say nothing, staring at the door in front of me as if my eyes could bore through it and grant me a glimpse of the person on the other side.
“Hanako, I... I let you down. I'm sorry.” I don't remember the last time I heard Lilly apologize. My gaze sinks to the floor, even though she wouldn't be able to see it with the door open.
“I was hoping that nothing too drastic would happen while I was away, and that Hisao would be able to handle things without me. But now I know...” She continues, before stopping again. Here it comes. Go on, Lilly, tell me that I'm nothing without you around. Tell me that I need you, that I can't do anything on my own. My hands ball into fists at my sides, I clench my eyes shut to fight back the burning sensation.
I'm not even sure if I disagree with you anymore.
“Hanako, I wanted to apologize. But... I also want to say that I'm proud of you.” Lilly says.
My eyes shoot open. “L-Lilly?” I stammer, unable to keep quiet. I can hear her lay one hand on my door, gently.
“Hanako. I'm so, so proud of you.” She says, genuine emotion in her voice. “I'm sorry that I treated you like a child. You've proven that you're so much more than that. You showed me just how strong you were, even if it cost you so much...”
I can't say anything. Tears start streaming down my cheeks, my lip begins to tremble.
“Lilly... L-Lilly, I...” I manage to sputter. She makes a soft shushing noise from the other side of the door.
“It's okay, Hanako. We were wrong, to treat you like that. But you did the right thing, standing up for yourself. I'm proud of you. Not as a mother figure, but as a person, as a friend.”
The quiet sound of my tears hitting the floor are the only response I can manage. Lilly continues, her voice gentle, soothing, but pained.
“I won't tell you to come out, Hanako. I can't do that. But I want you to know that I love you. And Hisao loves you, he's an absolute mess.”
Hisao. Hisao, he...
“R-really?” I say, struggling to get the words out through the tears that still flow.
“Really.” Lilly's tone takes the slightest bit of mirth. “He's been laying around all over the place feeling worthless, forgetting to take his medication, begging me for advice on what to do.”
“Maybe,” She says, her voice growing softer. “Maybe he needs you. More than he lets on.”
I stare at my floor again. If I come out now, would anything be different? Would it ever be the same? Maybe I need him too. Not like a child, not like someone who needs to be protected. Like someone to be with, together. I... I want that...
“Lilly...” I start, but she shushes me again.
“I won't ask you to come out, Hanako. But when you do, our tea room is always there.”
She begins to pull away. “Goodbye, Hanako. I missed you, every day while I was in Scotland. I miss you now, every day. But I'm proud of you.”
I try to choke out a response, but I can hear her footsteps echoing down the hall.
Lilly. And Hisao, he... maybe he doesn't...
I, I. I have to try. I can be strong. Even if I'm broken, even if I'm worthless, and even though I pushed them away. They still care about me. They, they miss me, and I miss them so much...
I wipe my eyes with both hands. And then reach for the lock on my door.
“The Chain” is a song by Ingrid Michaelson.
Sleep, don't weep
I awake to the darkness of a night well underway and the stifling temperature of a heater left on. I try valiantly to hold on to the remnants of my dream but it slips my mind like sand through my fingers, so I'm left with only a fuzzy head and the body lying next to me.
Not that I'm complaining. It's not the first time I've slept in the same bed as Hanako, but with every time we've managed it, it feels more and more correct, more right somehow. Like this is how it's supposed to be, and every morning I ever woke up alone seems like a wasted opportunity now.
I take in what little I can see of her there, in the dark, her fragile form beside mine. Her hair is a mess, splayed around her delicate features like a haze in the low light. I listen to the soft hush of her breathing, savoring the moment of peace that my sudden awaking has put me in.
Something in the back of my head tugs at me to close my eyes and slip back into the warm mist that threatens to envelope me. But just as I'm about to give in, Hanako's eyes flutter open in a sudden movement that catches me off guard. Her gaze is distant for only a moment, then surprised as she locks her stare with mine. It's only another moment later that her expression brightens though, to my relief.
“Hey. Fancy meeting you here.” I half-croak, half-whisper, still barely awake. Her resulting smile is contagious, but I can't help but notice the glint of something else in her eyes. Hanako is blinking back tears.
It could be anything, really. Our bodies are barely inches apart, but our minds are on the other ends of the world and drenched in sleep right now. A month ago, I would be panicked, or be afraid for her. But here, now, like this, all of that can wait.
Slowly, I brush a strand of stray hair from Hanako's face with one hand, while reaching out and pulling her closer to me with the other. She sinks into my embrace, holding onto me tightly, as if I was a lifeboat, bobbing in the vast, dark ocean.
All of that can wait.
I hold her there in my arms, feeling the warmth of her body and the soft beating of her heart. After a time, Hanako drifts back to sleep, and a few moments later, the tides wash me away as well.
“Sleep Don't Weep” is a song by Damien Rice.
Trust Me
I close my eyes, and the smell of smoke invades my senses. Not just my nose, but my skin greets it like an old enemy, and I feel a shiver pass through my body. But there's no time to remember things long past. Taking charge, I reach out and grip the hands of other two people in the room.
“What do we do?” The first says, a twinge of fear creeping into his voice.
“Follow me.” I reply, and we're off. We stay low to the floor to avoid the smoke, and when we get to the door, I briefly free my hands to check the handle for heat.
“We're okay!” I say, retaking their hands in mine as we move into the hallway. When we reach the first floor though, a wall of flames leaps out at us.
“It looks like the fire started in the kitchen!” The owner of the second hand clasped in mine shouts. The fire almost looks alive. In fact, the way it dances about in spasms, it might just be having a heart attack. I try to focus on the matter at hand.
“Keep going, we're almost outside!” We make our way through the doors and into the warm afternoon air, piling out onto the sidewalk. This is the part where you would be able to hear fire engines wailing off in the distance. And you'd be wondering just how much you'd lost, in more ways than one. And...
“The fire followed us out of the house!” The tinny cry snaps me back to my senses. I turn to watch a man walking out the doors and down the steps toward us.
“Hey, hey, I'm not the fire anymore,” He calls out, waving his arms as if they were white flags. “Glad you guys made it out safely, though.”
“Of course we did!” The little boy beside me grins. “After all, we're the best there is at fire safety!”
“That's right.” I give my son a pat on the head. “There's no one better.”
“Your dancing is starting to improve.” I nudge Hisao as he comes to stand next to me, and he lets out a laugh.
“Well, that's another good thing to come out of these monthly drills. I don't think I was that bad to begin with, though...”
“Oh, trust me, it was a sight to see.” I wink, scooping up our daughter in my arms. Our youngest at just past four, she looks up at me with bright brown eyes, just one of the many gifts her father has given me over the years. Her gaze lingers on my face, and she looks at me not with pity or disgust, but with something akin to awe.
“Mommy always knows what to do in case of a fire.” She mumbles, reaching out with a tiny hand to touch the side of my face.
“Of course I do.” I reply, and give her a gentle squeeze. “Because you three always keep me so warm.”
Beside me, Hisao lets out a pointed cough. “I think the fire today might have destroyed dinner, though...”
He can be clever at times, saying something like that when my hands are full.
“You're only saying that because it's your turn to cook tonight...”
“Sorry, what did you say? Ice cream for dinner?” Any reply I might have is drowned out by the ecstatic response from the children, and I have no choice but to let out a sigh. When we're able to calm them down, I transplant our daughter into Hisao's outstretched arms, and take our son's hand in mine as we begin to walk into town in search of something to eat, the setting sun draping us in a warm blanket of light. The townsfolk may or may not be staring, but the warmth of the hand in mine, the body of the man next to me, and that bathing orange glow is more than enough to drive away any and every fear in the world.
“Trust Me” is a song by The Fray.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
