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I.6. Fireworks
Time flies when your having fun. When you're bored it crawls. When you're spacing out, it disappears. Hisao cannot tell how long they have been sitting under this tree, when his stomach growls.
“Hungry?” asks Miya.
Embarrassed, Hisao turns away. “A bit.” He checks his pockets and finds he has brought his wallet. “Is there somewhere we can eat? I can't afford a restaurant, but some snack at a café should be possible. Want to go? It's on me.”
“You're paying?” She sounds sceptical.
“That's what I said.” He pauses, suspicious. “Don't bankrupt me, though.”
“You're paying for your own food. And then for mine, too?”
“That's the plan. Is that so strange?”
“Actually, I'm surprised. It doesn't really matter whether you mean it or not, though, since I'm not going to accept.” She is staring straight ahead, avoiding his eyes.
“Oh, come on. No false modesty.”
At that, she turns to face him. How can these narrowing eyes have become so familiar in so short a time?. “Do I look modest to you? I assure you I take what I can get with no sense of guilt.”
“Then why...”
“There's exactly one suitable place in town. I'll lead you there, and then I'm off. I'm not going in there. Most certainly not today.”
“You want me to eat alone?” The words come out on their own. They puzzle him. Didn't he go into town precisely to be alone?
She shakes her head. “Most people would
prefer being alone to being with me.” She sighs, looks up, perhaps to avoid his eyes. “And that's sort of the point. There's a good possibility that you won't
be alone, and I'd be... less than welcome. Look, I'm fairly relaxed today, and I'd like it to stay that way. That's not going to happen, though, if I run into...”
Hisao waits, but she doesn't finish her sentence. “Into?”
“Oh, folks. We're not the only ones who dislike crowds.” She stretches, then jumps to her feet. “Fine. Follow me. We'll both go in, but if we meet anyone either of us knows then I'm out. And you stay.” She pauses, then adds, “The waitress doesn't count. The waitress is okay.”
The waitress is okay? But Miya takes off at a speed that makes it impossible for Hisao to ask. He needs his breath to keep up.
***
“I'd never have found this place by myself,” Hisao says. The façade doesn't look like much. At some places the pinkish-orangey paint is peeling. It's called the Shanghai. There's a token paper lantern. “It's sort of... hidden.”
Miya grins. “It would be an insider tip, if it were anything out of the ordinary. It isn't. But as I said, it's the only suitable place. It's fairly cheap, and it's not too crowded.”
Hisao frowns at the paper lantern. “How do they make money, then?”
“Maybe they don't? I suspect it's a tax-write-off scheme.” She takes a deep breath, takes a step forward. “Shall we?”
“Let's.”
Miya opens the door, but then holds it open. “You first.”
Hisao is embarrassed by the gender role reversal, but he is in no mood to argue. He steps through the doorway. The lights inside are dim, or so it seems. The evening sun causes purple spots to dance before his eyes, as its remnants fade. It's like going blind. He blinks, and the world of vision returns, but he's dizzy. He closes his eyes to rub them.
“Welcome to th- Miya?”
“Shirakawa.”Miya's voice.
“And... Hisao? You're not alone? I'm surprised. Anyway, um...”
What's going on? Hisao opens his eyes. Yuuko?
“Where?” Miya asks.
Completely at a loss Hisao watches Yuuko fidget, before she turns her head slightly. Miya's gaze follows the direction then freezes. She closes her eyes, lowers her head. “As expected,” she mumbles. Then, louder: “Another time, then.”
“Have a nice day,” Yuuko says, and the door falls shut behind Miya.
For a moment, Hisao can do nothing but stare at the door. What has just happened? He turns to face Yuuko. The surprise to see her in a waitress uniform is still there, but it's not foremost on his mind. A moment ago he was Miya, and now she's gone. Miya and Yuuko know each other, which isn't all that surprising, but they seem to be on speaking terms, which is.
“Um...” Yuuko begins. “Welcome to the Shanghai. Or maybe you want to leave, too? Or should I show you to a table? Do you want to sit alone, or maybe...” She falls silent and looks down. Apparently, she's feeling awkward to. Well, it's Yuuko, but in this case...
“You know Miya?” Hisao says to buy time.
“Well... yes. I warn her if there's anyone she might... know. Like... um... Lilly.”
Lilly is here? Doesn't she have things to do at the festival? Hisao looks into the gloom of the café and suddenly finds himself at the end of the fierce gaze of... Hanako? Beside her there's Lilly, and she's talking. He hears the sound of her voice but is too far away to make out details. Hanako snaps out of whatever mood she is in, fails to hide her shock, hunches her shoulders, looks down. Lilly is confused.
Even in his confusion, Hisao understands that the most likely source of Hanako's agitation is Miya. And now it becomes clear why Miya left in such a hurry. Hanako and Miya have met, and they are
not on speaking terms. For a moment he imagines their clash, and he feels ashamed for having entered with her. Then, almost immediately, he feels ashamed for this shame. He thinks of leaving, but if he does so now, he will never talk to either of them again.
“I'll be joining Lilly and Hanako,” he says to Yuuko, then adds: “Maybe. If I do sit down, could you bring me a cup of coffee and... do you have anything to eat? A katsudon sandwich maybe?”
“We have Western style sandwiches. A ham-and-cheese sandwich maybe? Or a coleslaw sandwich?”
“Western style? But it's the Shang- nevermind. A cheese-and-ham sandwich please.” And he walks off towards Lilly's and Hanako's table.
***
For the third time: “Hanako?”
Finally, a reaction. Lilly hears Hanako shift in her seat than settle down. But she still doesn't reply. Lilly hates unexpected situations. They are too hard to navigate. Saying Hanako's name a fourth time seems wrong, now that she has reacted. It is best to wait for her reaction. Maybe prod her with a gentle “What's-wrong?” if it takes too long. But maybe the situation will go off in a different direction on its own? Is that... Hisao's voice by the door? Two people have come in, one has left immediately. The situation begins to form in Lillys head. Hisao has come here with that other girl, Kitagawa. No doubt Kitagawa and Hanako have spotted each other. Kitagawa has left, but Hisao has stayed behind.
Lilly lifts her tea cup to her mouth, sips. She takes her time, waiting for the situation to unfold. She cannot take the imitative until she has good grasp of the situation. Unexpected and ambiguous situations are difficult. It's like someone placing a box somewhere in your living room without telling you where. You have to proceed carefully in an environment you thought you knew.
Finally: “Hello, Lilly. Hanako. What a surprise to see you here. Can I sit down?”
“I don't see why not,” Lilly says, ostensibly leaving an opening for Hanako to object. Of course, she won't. “It has been a while. I was wondering whether you might have forgotten about us.” She pauses, then, hoping her drawn out banter has provided enough preparation time for her silent friend: “Hanako?”
“S-sure.”
The sound of a chair shuffling. Hisao sits down. And nobody speaks. Just as Lilly is about to initiate some small talk, Hanako speaks:
“I'm s-sorry.” The words are directed towards Hisao. There is a silence that reveals nothing at all. Finally:
“You've done nothing wrong.”
“B-but she left. Because of m-me.”
“It's okay. I get to be with Lilly and you, instead.”
What a charming thing to say! Lilly smiles. She expects Hanako to be caught off-guard by this, so she's already looking for a conversation topic, but Hanako surprises her.
“B-but didn't you want to be with... her?”
Oh? This is very straightforward for Hanako. For the first time, Lilly wonders whether Hanako is aware of her jealousy after all. Careful now. A lot depends on Hisao's reply. Neither, “yes” nor “no” would be a good reply. In the case of “yes,” Not only would Hanako be faced with the worst possible rival, but she might also start to re-evaluate her image of Hisao: What sort of boy doesn't chase after the girl he wants to be with? A “no” is potentially worse: he comes here with a girl he doesn't particularly want to be with. What then does that say about the time he spent with Hanako? Both yes and no, then re-inforce Hanako's conclusion: Hisao's basic kindness gives him a sense of obligation to be with the broken ones. But he doesn't particularly care. Anyone will do. Hisao is not like that at all, and if Hanako weren't so focussed on her own perceived inadequacy she'd realise that, too.
“I don't know. She confuses me.”
Hanako doesn't reply to that, but this time it's Hisao who picks up the thread.
“You... know her, right? Not just from... rumours?”
Another silence. “I hate her,” she says, and there's not a single stutter. “I hate her very much.” She calms down, the stutter returns. “I d-don't want to, but I d-do.” A short pause. “S-sorry.”
“Oh, I can understand hating her,” Hisao says. “But she's not all mean. I mean, today she helped a lost child find her mother. I was quite surprised. She can smile, you know? I didn't know she could. She can say terrible things, but I don't think she means harm. Not always.”
“I N-know.”
Oh, what Lilly would give to be able to see Hisao's expression. The confusion in his voice is obvious:
“Hanako?”
“She hurts inside. A lot. She wants to g-get away from the, the pain, but it's everywhere. She th-thinks it's o-okay to hate, to hate mean people, but if you hate enough people you start hating them all. Even if they're kind.” Her voice becomes very low. “She kills hope.”
Even if they're kind. The words hit Lilly hard. A tense feeling from the gut to the chest. She hopes her calm expression survives, but she is not sure. A lot of things fall into place. The shock of realisation is severe: Hanako is not merely jealous of Kitagawa; she identifies with her. Miyako Kitagawa is Hanako's dark side. There is light at the other end of tunnel, but Kitagawa guards the exit. Silence spreads in the Shanghai. Hisao has no reply to that. Hanako has nothing left to say. Small talk feels inappropriate now, and there is no obvious direction the conversation would be going. Lilly is at a loss.
“Um...” It's Yuuko. “One coffee and a ham-and-cheese sandwich, if you don't mind the interruption.” The little tray sways and finally comes to rest on the table. A short chuckle-like sound comes from Hisao's direction. He picks up the cup. Yuuko's voice again:
“Oh, is it cold? I'm sorry. It's my fault. I didn't want to interrupt. I didn't actually want to listen either. But I couldn't really go away, so... I'm sorry.”
“The coffee is fine. This way, I don't burn my tongue.” A slight slurping sounds indicates a demonstrative sip. When the cup hits the saucer, Hisao speaks again: “So you heard us talk about Miyako?”
“Um, yes. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. But... she didn't kill my hope. Um... I thought I was the worst waitress in the world, but she said I'm only the
third-worst waitress she has met. So, maybe, if I try hard, I could become the fourth-worst waitress and then fifth worst...”
Hisao's laughs. “It's a long way to the top,” he says, a sentence that could easily come across as mocking, but Hisao's voice is gentle.
“Oh no,” says Yuuko. “I don't want to be a waitress for that long. I want to be an archaeologist. That's what I'm studying for. You just do... one thing at a time.”
Hisao makes some mmm-sound, acknowledging what Yuuko said, but Hanako is silent. Hanako is better at being silent than anyone else Lilly knows. She almost disappears. The only sign of her presence is a very faint, very shallow breathing.
At that point an the sound of a far-off explosion filled the room.
“Huh? Wha-?” Hisao's voice.
“It's the fireworks,” Lilly says.
“Fireworks?”
“From the festival. Half the town will be at Yamaku, watching them. I hear you can see them pretty well from here.”
“I'll... gowatchthem,” Hanako says. A chair is being pushed back, and Hanako hurries away.
“Me, too.” Yuuko follows.
Disappointingly, Hisao doesn't move. “Fireworks,” he says, his voice strangely empty.
“Don't you like them?” Lilly asks. It is supposed to be a prod. Go watch them with Hanako. She'll be embarrassed but she'll appreciate the gesture.
“They're... pretty.” Hisao's voice is pensive, distracted. There is no way he will leave now. “I guess I'm not much in the mood today.” A short pause. “Should I have gone watch them with Hanako?”
Hisao can be quite slow on the uptake. “I must admit I sort of hoped you would. She worries about you, you know?”
“Because I always look so gloomy, and I'm with the... with Miya now?” He laughs a strange humourless laugh. “I can take care of myself. But Hanako? I don't know what it feels like to live with... pain for a long time. My life has always been pleasant, until...” He pauses, but then decides not to finish that sentence. “Even now I wouldn't say I'm in 'pain'. It's just that... life passes me by. Fireworks. Pretty while it lasts, but over much too quickly. Another one next time. I guess it's fine if you have a goal, like Yuuko. Does Hanako have something she wants to do?”
“She doesn't talk about the future. She may have.” Hisao's unfinished sentence is on her mind. He has never told her why he has come to Yamaku, and he has never come this close to telling before.
“Hmm... Thinking of fireworks, is it okay to ask a question?”
“A question? Go ahead.”
“What are fireworks to you. I mean, if you can't see them, aren't they just noise?”
Hisao's voice feels different today. It is not the sort of measured curiosity she has come to expect from his question. There is some sort of tension, as if the answer is somewhat critical. “When I'm with other people, I take in the atmosphere. It's the oohs and the aahs that make it worthwhile. The silence, too, in a way.”
“Mmmh?” It's the sound of a thought that has no words yet. After a while: “I really should drop by for tea again, one day, if it's okay with you two.”
“That would be nice. I'm sure Hanako would be happy, too.”
And then the fireworks are over. The next ones will come after graduation. Hanako returns and quietly sits down. Nobody talks, but the silence isn't as awkward as it could be. The mood is strange, neither pleasant nor unpleasant. What now? One doesn't always know what's going on. That, too, is life.
***
[End of Part 1]
). Otherwise, can't wait for Act 2!!
But at least with you around, our supple Japanese women won't be raped by lesbians. 
