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Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 9:17 am
by Mirage_GSM
As Hanako gets drunk, your typos increase in number radically. I assume that is completely intentional, is it not?
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 9:31 am
by Beoran
Yes. Also notice the lessening of reflection on her side. Her stream of consciousness gets thinner as she gets more drunk.
Edit: You may have noticed this widening and narrowing of her consciousness in other parts. My meaning is to show by increasing the detail of what she sees and does that she is more focused and aware of what is happening, and is her thoughts are less detailed, she has less focus and less awareness.
Edit 2: Despite this, I still needed 8 parts to describe what is less than 3 days. This fanfic is really taking me into unexpected directions...
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 10:31 am
by shiro_midori
Lemon-flavored lube... Icwatudidthar.
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 10:46 am
by Daitengu
I look out tough the window in the direction in which the young man went.
I look out the window
or
I look out through the window
Though, the first one is more correct.
as for the chapter overall, it was pretty funny to read.
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:10 am
by Beoran
Daitengu, Thanks for the grammar tip, I corrected it. Glad you could enjoy the chapter. I wonder what I'll be able to cook up for the next one.
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:16 am
by Mahorfeus
I don't know, this last one just felt, well. I'd say "fucked up" but I've seen worse in that respect, but it was kind of disturbing. Even with the fact that Hanako is as horny as a rabbit in this fic.
Though, it was funny as hell, so props for that.
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:32 am
by Daitengu
Mahorfeus wrote:I don't know, this last one just felt, well. I'd say "fucked up" but I've seen worse in that respect, but it was kind of disturbing. Even with the fact that Hanako is as horny as a rabbit in this fic.
Though, it was funny as hell, so props for that.
Drunk people, Mahorfeus, drunk people.
I've seen all kinds of off the wall crazy done by the inebriated. Just gotta roll with it, cause thinking takes a back seat lol.
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:57 am
by Beoran
Mahorfeus, you're right, it's a bit disturbing, but they were both very drunk as Daitengu says. Champaign is often underestimated. Because of the carbonation, the alcohol gets into your blood much faster and more efficiently, so you become a lot more drunk from a bottle of champaign than from a bottle of wine with the same volume. Especially seeing that they are both Japanese, who aren't as strong against alcohol as Westerners. And they don't have much experience with champaign either.
Also, it wasn't as bad as in this story by far, but I do remember some weird stuff that happened to me when I was plastered. So be careful with alcohol, people!
Finally I usually don't spoil my own story, but aren't you looking forward to what may happen once Hanako sobers up and remembers what she's done?
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:02 pm
by Daitengu
Well, Hanako coulda have tried to massage Hisao's pancreas to force an erection
I'm just saying, it's still pretty vanilla, even with a poopy vibrator.
...God I'm so internet corrupted lol
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:25 pm
by insert_name_here92
*Ahem.* Because I have a song relevant for almost any occasion: Do You Take It?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz25Q93mc5o
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 2:18 pm
by bronko
Beoran wrote:Finally I usually don't spoil my own story, but aren't you looking forward to what may happen once Hanako sobers up and remembers what she's done?
She feels bad because Hisao didn't have his fun. Another inner conflict follows but eventually ends in another pervy scene, YEEHAAAA.
Am I right?
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 7 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:28 pm
by DanjaDoom
Beoran wrote:
"Gooood. Let's uuuuuse this one then." I say as I walk over to Hisao, and with a sudden motion I jam the vibrator in his butt. I push it in further as Hisao shouts and bucks. It only penetrates for a few centimeters or so but it has an amazing effect. Hisao arches up his back and turns around, as he tries to remove the tool. I hold on to it and finally pull it out.
"It's dirty now ... we shouldn't..." Hisao says.
I look at the rod, the tip is brown and smelly.
"Ewwwww, dissapointiiing!" I complain again. I drop the thing on the floor.
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:41 pm
by Beoran
DanjaDoom, ROFL! It call it "Erotic Comedy". Like "Romantic Comedy" but more sexy.
I thought people would just laugh at that scene but I guess I hit a sensitive spot for some people? Or maybe Hanako did?
Edit: Since you all so appreciate it, I believe it's not the last we'll see of that wonderful purple toy.
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:51 pm
by DanjaDoom
Beoran wrote:DanjaDoom, ROFL! It call it "Erotic Comedy". Like "Romantic Comedy" but more sexy.
I thought people would just laugh at that scene but I guess I hit a sensitive spot for some people? Or maybe Hanako did?
Edit: Since you all so appreciate it, I believe it's not the last we'll see of that wonderful purple toy.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I laughed my ass of at this scene. But you gotta admit, surprise buttsex involving purple dildos and feces is gonna garner some "wut" reactions.
Thank you for providing my daily lulz
Re: Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 8 up)
Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:53 pm
by DanjaDoom
DanjaDoom wrote:Beoran wrote:DanjaDoom, ROFL! It call it "Erotic Comedy". Like "Romantic Comedy" but more sexy.
I thought people would just laugh at that scene but I guess I hit a sensitive spot for some people? Or maybe Hanako did?
Edit: Since you all so appreciate it, I believe it's not the last we'll see of that wonderful purple toy.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I laughed my ass of at this scene. But you gotta admit, surprise buttsex involving purple dildos and feces is gonna garner some "wut" reactions.
Thank you for providing my daily lulz
And by an chance, is it a purple and green dragon dildo?