Katawa Shoujo Forums

I kiss my girlfriend after cunnilingus and after she blows me

It's no big deal

Well that's just, like, your opinion, man

This fic is one of the first that I read when I joined the forum and I'm glad that it finally updated. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. I also liked how the Hanako you wrote still has to deal with her social anxieties about being a relationship. What I've seen in other post-Hanako good ends is that Hanako magically becomes completely comfortable with the idea of being together with Hisao. That's sorta bugged me because that doesn't happen in real life. When you enter in a relationship, especially you're first one, you become more self-conscious about you are and doubt that you should be where you are. Hanako is no exception, in my opinion, she should be the ideal example of this. Like I said, I liked that you focused on that aspect of her.

Ascended Flutist wrote: "Emi is nice. And we went to a lot of stores. It was just...very tiring." Her faces sours a little as she says that.
"Something I should know?"
"Nothing. I-it's fine, really." She smiles, but it's a stilted smile. The one I see only when something's wrong.
"Hanako?"
"Don't worry about it," she finally says with a strange, determined look.

It might just be me, but for some reason I had the idea that Emi took Hanako to a sex shop to get something for her date. My imagination is weird....
Don't question it....

Ascended Flutist wrote: "I'm going in."

I had to stop reading the sex scene at this point. That one line seems so corny that I just started laughing. I know what you were trying to do but a better choice of words would have done a better job.
Overall: I enjoyed it and can't wait to see what else you have in store.

Guest wrote: My guess is that she realize because of her personality, Hisao didn't confess to her earlier (the panic attack

Though his timeline is little off, she had the attack right before her birthday/Lilly leaving for Scotland and their park confession is before Lilly got back

That's it. Concerning timeline...maybe you're right. The KS timeline is rather hazy anyway.

Brogurt wrote:Really cool stuff.

Very useful. Most of your suggestions I just took into account, so let me go over those I didn't :

Brogurt wrote: Clouds with silver lining? Oh shit, it looks like something bad's gonna happen and our couple's gonna have to find solace in the thought that there's some good aspect of the situation

Watt?

Brogurt wrote: The fuck does that say?

I gave the necessary clues to decipher it on page 3. Whether you want to bother or not is up to you. It serves as flavor text and is a nice hint as to what is in the chapter, but it's not essential to the story in any way.

Brogurt wrote: The only pleated clothing I recall in KS is the skirts. Care to elaborate?

Does it not apply to the whitish top she wears with her blue jacket when she's in her casual outfit?

Brogurt wrote: But in all honesty, she actually went to the city on her own once before in KS's timeframe; I think it was for the scene where Hisao bitches about the heat and gets her a phone accessory. I think there should have to be something tangible that's causing her to regress like this. I mean, she should be better at this point, not worse.

True. Will be addressed in the next chapter.

Brogurt wrote:Dune has no use

I like Dune. Deal with it. It will also serve in the next chapter. But you make a good point.

Brogurt wrote:Any chance this was inspired by those shoops on /vg/?

Nope. Comes from my twisted imagination.

Brogurt wrote: WHY?

I am a disgusting individual.

Brogurt wrote:You used four words to describe something that could have been very sexy, and I actually missed it the first time reading. Come the fuck on, bro.

And

I was okay with it once, but after reading it again, I just want to say that there's so many better ways you could describe her scarred skin. No other girl has that, so make it special.

Could you elaborate/provide suggestions?

atw_ah wrote:This fic is one of the first that I read when I joined the forum and I'm glad that it finally updated. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. I also liked how the Hanako you wrote still has to deal with her social anxieties about being a relationship. What I've seen in other post-Hanako good ends is that Hanako magically becomes completely comfortable with the idea of being together with Hisao. That's sorta bugged me because that doesn't happen in real life. When you enter in a relationship, especially you're first one, you become more self-conscious about you are and doubt that you should be where you are. Hanako is no exception, in my opinion, she should be the ideal example of this. Like I said, I liked that you focused on that aspect of her.

Thank you very much, and agreed, but I also need to acknowledge the fact that she really progressed during her route, with scenes like the phone accessory gift which lead to characterization nightmares on my end. The criticism I received is valid because people don't get where the sudden drop in her self confidence comes from. But as I've said, it'll be answered to in the next chapter.

atw_ah wrote:It might just be me, but for some reason I had the idea that Emi took Hanako to a sex shop to get something for her date. My imagination is weird....
Don't question it....

I'd be hard pressed to question anyone else's imagination.

atw_ah wrote: I had to stop reading the sex scene at this point. That one line seems so corny that I just started laughing. I know what you were trying to do but a better choice of words would have done a better job.

Indeed, but this was an inspiration dead-zone for me. I have about 4 different drafts for the sex scene, and this one was the least laughable.

Ascended Flutist wrote: Watt?

https://www.google.com/search?q=Every+c ... ver+lining
I don't know how you can use that phrase and not be aware that it's an idiom

Does it not apply to the whitish top she wears with her blue jacket when she's in her casual outfit?

I suppose the collar is, but I wouldn't attribute it to her entire shirt

Could you elaborate/provide suggestions?

"She wraps her legs around me like a vice, and before I know it, we're swapping positions, and I am greeted by a full frontal view of her body glistening in the dim lighting as she takes her place above me to continue our liaison."
Emphasis on the legs as a vice and swapping positions; the rest was just me rambling.

also, "the leathery scar tissue" could be changed to something as simple as "her coarse scarring". It's just that "scar tissue" sounds more like a medical term, and it really sticks out to me in this kind of prose.

https://www.google.com/search?q=Every+c ... ver+lining
I don't know how you can use that phrase and not be aware that it's an idiom

And through blind luck, he stumbled upon an expression which meaning he ignored, and, having found it pretty, adorned his text with it. Little did he know that its intricate thread had other colors, colors the more seasonned word-weavers could see, and foreshadowed the rest of the words he had knitted.

Concerning the rest of the post : Thank you very much. Very helpful indeed. I'll edit the chapter when I have the time. If you don't mind, I'll just paraphrase the swapping passage. One doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when said horse is a pureblood arabic stallion worth twice his weight in gold.

Also, I've come to the realization that the previous post did came off as a douchy, so here : The message said 'Ride the storm lest they ride thee.' Another foreshadowing of what happens in the chapter... only this one I was aware of.

I knew that expression, but didn't take it as foreboding at all.
You know, that phrase is often used innocently enough.

Also... What Hanako does might well be considered a vice by some, but I think you were going for vise...

A Hanako fan-fic with feels and well done smut?
Are you a Hanabro or a Hanagod?

Hadokant wrote:A Hanako fan-fic with feels and well done smut?
Are you a Hanabro or a Hanagod?

Being a God would be very detrimental to my social life, so when the option came up I declined. I do regret it sometimes, but you know...I got by.

Anyway, is this praise? I think this is praise. I like praise. :]

In all seriousness, thank you sir. I'm glad you liked the smut scene as well. It's the one I've had the most trouble with, so it's cool to see that the latest version is appreciated.

In other news, the next chapter is almost done and should be out anywhere between today and tomorrow afternoon (CEST).

With that chapter nearing completion, I had something to ask you guys/gals/other : The idea I had for the next chapter involves songs. No, not background music. Actual, meaningful songs. Well, only one for now, actually. Question is : Do you think this idea is worth the trouble? I'm honestly not sure of that myself, that's why I'm throwing that out there, before I actually get to writing.

Ascended Flutist wrote:With that chapter nearing completion, I had something to ask you guys/gals/other : The idea I had for the next chapter involves songs. No, not background music. Actual, meaningful songs. Well, only one for now, actually. Question is : Do you think this idea is worth the trouble? I'm honestly not sure of that myself, that's why I'm throwing that out there, before I actually get to writing.

Great idea. Remember that it's mentioned that Hanako likes to sing.

lolawesome wrote:

Ascended Flutist wrote:With that chapter nearing completion, I had something to ask you guys/gals/other : The idea I had for the next chapter involves songs. No, not background music. Actual, meaningful songs. Well, only one for now, actually. Question is : Do you think this idea is worth the trouble? I'm honestly not sure of that myself, that's why I'm throwing that out there, before I actually get to writing.

Remember that it's mentioned that Hanako likes to sing.

Pretty much this. It would hardly be past Hanako to sing, and just the thought of her singing to (or along with) Hisao makes me giddy inside.

Better bring out your inner lyricist, AF.

Oh my, making the two sing together? I hadn't thought of that. To be honest I just thought to make a well-done youtube link to an appropriate song, but doing lyrics would work too. (that's a lot of to in one sentence)

I gotta find some appropriate lyrics now, eh? Something that wouldn't get a [PARENTAL ADVISORY] sticker too. Well it'll be hard. Challenge considered.

Ascended Flutist wrote:
With that chapter nearing completion, I had something to ask you guys/gals/other : The idea I had for the next chapter involves songs. No, not background music. Actual, meaningful songs. Well, only one for now, actually. Question is : Do you think this idea is worth the trouble? I'm honestly not sure of that myself, that's why I'm throwing that out there, before I actually get to writing.

I don't want to sound too conceited, but I already have an idea that implements an actual, meaningful song, and I don't really want people stealing my thunder.

But if you could find a duet, that wouldn't at all clash with my idea.

I already have an idea that implements an actual, meaningful song, and I don't really want people stealing my thunder.

I'll keep that in mind, but I don't really see how it matters. Different executions of the same idea aren't necessarily a bad thing, If I thought that this thread wouldn't exist. You do your stuff and I do mine, and if people come whining because we've had a similar idea we can just tell them to hate on and fuck off.

That was the diplomatic way of saying 'I don't see why either of us needs to give a shit'.

Ascended Flutist wrote:"How does...it feels?"

Oh god the feels...
THE FEELS!!
wait no I'm not ready! NOOOO...
HNNNNNG~

I really like your story.

Can't really come up with any criticism other than use less "..." I guess.
Keep up the good work.