Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Daitengu]

Even though I understand that it's hard to come up with responses sometimes, I can't help but think that I typed something stupid, and now people don't want to go to the thread (again, if that makes sense).

Meh it's fine. I just tossed my story out there because this silly game struck a chord with me, so I feel motivated to try and get on with my life instead of wallowing.

[MoogleDee]

I have my own experiences I'd like to share once I organize my thoughts a bit, but I feel it's more important to let everyone else who's shared that I did read each and every single post in here and that I do care. There's a lot of people here who I just wanna give a hug or a pat on the head because I just can't think of anything to say.

[scorptatious]

To Bearon and FlyingPirahna, thank you for the advice. Looking back, perhaps she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings through not giving me a straight answer. Even though I would have rather have a straight answer from her, I don't hate or feel any anger towards her. Plus, perhaps I'll give love another try. Thank you so very much.

To everyone else who took the time to read what I had to say, thank you as well.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

[Beoran]

It looks though I'l have to stop welcoming everybody here, since i'm gettin overhelemed a bit myself. But like MoogleDee says it, I read everything, all of you are welcome no matter how "small" you think your problem is, and I hope that everyone will find a way to get better.

Daitengu, I also have a two phobias, one from heights which is manageable, and one from medical needles and blood, which can make me pass out. So I think I can say I also more or less can see how a people phobia must be really annoying indeed. From what I read, and what I try to do for my phobias (if I can be bothered to do so, since they're not all that problematic for a normal life), the best way to get over phobias is very gradual accustomisation. However, I think you may need professional help for this. As for becoming a sign language interpreter, I think that's a noble thought.

Exbando, sorry to put it so crudely, but you must forget that girl you're obsessing over right now! She's not the goddess that you idealise in your mind, she 's just someone who doen't care for you at all. She's not worthy of your time and your devotion. You're just torturing yourself with an impossible fantasy. Leave her be, and move on, I'm sure you will find someone who actually cares for you. I obsessed for four years over one girl, and then for one year over another and it just sucks. Good thing I learned a bit more from the 4 years problem, and she gracefully turned me down too, so luckily I wasted less time. Still those were five of the best years of my life that I will never get back. It's been enough for you too, I beg you, don't waste any more of your precious time any more.

Rivan, if whatever happened still affect you today, then by all means tell your story. Sure, the other's stories may seem "worse" than yours, but in this thread it's OK to be a bit "selfish". You talk about your broken heart, and we listen. It doesn't matter how it was broken. That's the idea. If this thread really becomes too huge and popular we'll see what to do then. Also, Exbando as says it the more stories there are, the more there is to learn for everyone. I think that that's not a bad situation.

[Zurc97]

Now that I've told the rough outline of my story out their it's a bit reliving knowing it's out (there aren't many people I can tell this to so the whole anonymous internet thing helps).

What I find most gratifying on this board is how people are taking to post/read their own stories. It might just be me but people can't really grow and become different unless they have someone else to compare themselves too, otherwise you just become more and more like your self as the years go by.

[danyo]

Now that I've told the rough outline of my story out their it's a bit reliving knowing it's out (there aren't many people I can tell this to so the whole anonymous internet thing helps).

What I find most gratifying on this board is how people are taking to post/read their own stories. It might just be me but people can't really grow and become different unless they have someone else to compare themselves too, otherwise you just become more and more like your self as the years go by.

Yeah, that's true It also seemed from your post, that at least you have a plan to start turning your life around, wich is a good thing! Just stick too it and I'm sure you'll get there!

Posts like yours actually work pretty inspirational, to see someone having issues, but when they also say how they got out of it, or are planning to get of it, then that gives hope that someday I'll be able to do so too ( at least it does for me )

[Zurc97]

Now that I've told the rough outline of my story out their it's a bit reliving knowing it's out (there aren't many people I can tell this to so the whole anonymous internet thing helps).

What I find most gratifying on this board is how people are taking to post/read their own stories. It might just be me but people can't really grow and become different unless they have someone else to compare themselves too, otherwise you just become more and more like your self as the years go by.

Yeah, that's true It also seemed from your post, that at least you have a plan to start turning your life around, wich is a good thing! Just stick too it and I'm sure you'll get there!

I think posts like yours, even though you still aren't quite there yet, are very helpfull, to see you can drop low but that there still is light at the end of the tunnel if you want it to be there.

Posts like yours actually work pretty inspirational, to see someone having issues, but when they also say how they got out of it, or are planning to get of it, then that gives hope that someday I'll be able to do so too ( at least it does for me )

Heh I blush , but yeah low point and all I'm trying to take it slow and steady and accepting myself as a whole not for someone I'm not or could ever be. It's just I have my destination in my mind and am following it with the tools I have at my disposal. If I can get a bit personal I'd like to be Physician, no specialization or anything. ATM I am working as a CNA and have a few licenses to build up my resume, my old self was all for building power but I'm trying to do it for the better. Oh and the best part I befriended the brother of the girl I liked and we are friends now, top it off that he told their older sister about my jobless state and found me job at the local hospital.

If any thing I'm glad I took the opportunists I did and didn't give into weakness again. Weird that meeting some random guy would be so beneficial though.

[DoppelGanger]

I really like these threads, I don't know why.
I guess it's because of all the troubles we've all been through, even though nobody have the same situation, we can easily relate with each others.
If I could, I would invite everybody here to take a beer.

I read every posts in this thread and if I could give one simple advice to everyone: never give up. I know you've heard that a thousand time before, but seriously: there's always a glimpse of hope everywhere, you just have to learn to take it. And yes you can, everybody can.

As for my story, I already did a thread about it. It's a huge wall of text that got locked (for a good reason), but if you're interested, it's still there.
http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t ... 208#p80208
(Also, yes I sorted out my problem if you were wondering)

@scorptatious
Good luck with your future dates man! Like you said in your previous post: «there's no point dwelling on it. The only thing I can do is learn from my mistakes and move on.» (Sorry, I suck at using the quote feature)
That's an attitude of a champ right there! I know love sometime can be harsh, and I know how it feels to be played like that. But I'm sure if you give love another try, you'll get somewhere soon!
Best of luck to you! And to everybody else too!

[dunkelfalke]

I read every posts in this thread and if I could give one simple advice to everyone: never give up.

It's actually what my heart rate monitor says
The trick is probably really like that... fall seven times, stand up eight. Currently doing exactly that.

[Exbando]

And I'm back from the pit of Hell that is known as my job.

I have my own experiences I'd like to share once I organize my thoughts a bit, but I feel it's more important to let everyone else who's shared that I did read each and every single post in here and that I do care. There's a lot of people here who I just wanna give a hug or a pat on the head because I just can't think of anything to say.

And I would gladly accept that hug/pat on the head(assuming I am one of the ones you would like to).

After reading through what I just typed, this sounds arrogant for some reason. I apologize if it does, I'm just bad with words.

Exbando, sorry to put it so crudely, but you must forget that girl you're obsessing over right now! She's not the goddess that you idealise in your mind, she 's just someone who doen't care for you at all. She's not worthy of your time and your devotion. You're just torturing yourself with an impossible fantasy. Leave her be, and move on, I'm sure you will find someone who actually cares for you. I obsessed for four years over one girl, and then for one year over another and it just sucks. Good thing I learned a bit more from the 4 years problem, and she gracefully turned me down too, so luckily I wasted less time. Still those were five of the best years of my life that I will never get back. It's been enough for you too, I beg you, don't waste any more of your precious time any more.

Hey, sometimes people like me need a good kick in the head before they can realize something important. As for forgetting about her, though, well, it's a lot easier said than done. I think that part of my brain says that I won't be able to forget about her until she knows how I feel and properly rejects me.

As for my story, I already did a thread about it. It's a huge wall of text that got locked (for a good reason), but if you're interested, it's still there.
http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t ... 208#p80208
(Also, yes I sorted out my problem if you were wondering)

I read through your entire story, and all I can really say is that I'm glad you've sorted out the problem.

[GaseousMask]

Just listened to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw&ob=av2e again on the radio.
It's Katy Perry's Firework song. I just found it appropriate for this thread. Probably the only song i really like from her because of the positivity. If you don't like it, please don't kill me >.<

[dunkelfalke]

I prefer this one:

Gilmour is getting old, unfortunately

[Beoran]

Exbando: You should get in touch with her ASAP and tell her how you feel. She will reject you and you can go on with your life then. Andy hesitation to contact her is probably due to a feeling that you don't want to get rejected, but you will be anyway. So stop wasting time already and talk to her.

GaeousMask: That sounds like a positive song, but the sparks shooting form her breasts look a little bit strange I feel...

[GaseousMask]

GaeousMask: That sounds like a positive song, but the sparks shooting form her breasts look a little bit strange I feel...

Not you too :O lol

[Shilver]

I'd like to say I've read almost all of these stories, and I really feel for all of you. I wish there was something I could do...but I'll just give a virtual hug. I'm not too good with words, so I'll leave it at that. Keep that in mind for my own story also, I tend to be a bit out there and I have a weird way of saying things.

-
Sorry if this is a novel...

I don't have a sad story, but I thought this would be a good time to type down my life and what troubles I've had. My College English teachers says typing down stories is a good way to relieve some stress also (and it helps me for my class haha). I'm lucky to say I'm a lot more fortunate then others in my life. I've never been majorly bullied, have a wide variety of friends, my family gets along really well, and I'd say, cautiously, a happy life. But that doesn't mean I've had life off easy.

When I was young, I wasn't the popular kid in class. I would tend to be quiet during school (even though I was kind of a hellion at home), and I only had about 4 close friends. I remember my 1st grade teachers telling me I had one of the kindest hearts she's had for a student. I would hang around with a kid who had autisim. I would help the teacher's aid with him, play legos, and just have fun. I was like the only kid who even talk to him. Sam was his name, and I've never told anyone else that I know that we were close friends. It's weird thinking about how outgoing my other friends were in 1st grade, but I hung around Sam and was his only friend. I don't how to explain it, as I said I'm not so good with words or expressing my feelings. It's just weird thinking about it now, haven't thought about it in years...

One year later, my parents decided to move to a new town, and I was uprooted from my school. I can't say I remember how it felt, but I remember I was sad to leave my friends behind. 2nd grade now, and I remember that first day of school like it was yesterday. I walked into the cafeteria and sat down alone. I looked around and saw a bunch of people socializing, but I didn't get too much involved. I just sat there while people were more then likely whispering/talking about me. To this day I'm scared to death of going to new places, I hate that feeling of "not knowing" and feeling confused. I don't know if it was because of that moment, but it's always scared me since. Be it a new job, or going to a city I've never been to before, it scares me. Anyway, to stray from this going off the point; within the first weeks I met some potential friends. I again became familiar with a kid who didn't have any friends that I was. His name was Wes. He was taller then the rest of the kids, walked with kind of a slump, and was very quiet. Luke was the other one I met. He was always being made fun of for being a "booger eater" because he ate his boogers (Don't remember him ever doing this, if he did it was never around me). I was much better friends with Luke then I was with Wes, because I actually would go over to Luke's house, while I would just talk about some video games with Wes. I can't really say I remember much more of my 2nd grade year. I was never bullied, just a kid who was shy and people kind of ignored me. I went to a few petty birthday parties where the whole grade was basically invited, but I was never "the kid" people wanted to be around.

3rd grade. This was the year I started to transform myself. I met a variety of new classmates. Brad, Aaron, and Dan just to name a few. I kind of dropped Wes and Luke as friends as I was friends with these new "cool" people. Brad was the class-clown and everyone wanted to be around him, and Aaron and Dan were his closer friends. I still would go over to Luke's house on occasion, but those days were dwindling fast. Pretty soon were weren't much of friends anymore and I would hang out with Brad more and more. Brad was the perfect compliant friend for me. Loud, funny, and a guy I could stand next to and show off how outgoing I knew I was. By the end of 3rd grade Luke moved, and I wrote a few letters to him, but I haven't talked to him since. I feel kind of bad for basically ignoring out friendship still. Not exactly the saddest story in the book, but I feel bad nonetheless.

4th-6th grade. It was mostly a transition period. I would make new friends that would come to school and I would just hang around with friends. I really got into a game called Runescape at this time. This is when I got labeled with "nerdy". Brad would hide it really well, and would make funny jokes about it, but we both would play the same amount and both were paying members to the game. But I got teased a lot for being nerdy. I also got told I needed glasses because my eyesight was so bad that I had to basically stand next to the whiteboard to actually see stuff. This really made me have that "nerd" stereotype fit me, but I just went along with it. It really wasn't angering me, just it was annoying to hear about all the time. "You playing Runescape", "That game is for nerds", "Stop sitting home all day playing that game". During the winter I wouldn't play as much though because I was in Basketball (and still am up to my current Senior year in Highschool). Also, around this time I forgot Wes even existed. I can't say I remember what he did in class, because I stopped paying attention. I know it sound dickish, but he really just turned into a downer that I really didn't like to be around. I really haven't talked to him since.

Middle-School. Since my school is a K-12 School, we have no real middle-school. It's all one big school. So, I moved into the 7th grade, feeling like I joined a whole new world. To be honest, I really don't care to talk about my Junior High days still. This is probably one of the worst times of my young life. One of my good friends Neal turned into a total dickhead and would pick on me all the time and just hit me in random places besides my face for no reason at all. At the time, I was really scrawny, weak, and skinny. I couldn't do much to defend myself and I would just let it happen. I would have bruises on my arms somedays when I came home. It was just general bullying 101, something most kids that look like me have experienced. He was the one always calling me the "nerd" "geek" when most everyone got over it. But everytime he'd mention it, the rest of the people around him would give a bit of a chuckle. I was now a bit more evolved in my video gaming then Runescape, but I still got made fun of playing it all the time. Brad would kind of sit there and joke about his time saying how he's done playing, and everyone would believe him. But really no one believed me. I'd have older kids come up and mess with my locker when I was trying to open it, and do it relentlessly. Brock was the one usually doing it, and one day I just blew up, grabbed him by his shirt and threw him up against the locker. I'll never forget that face he had staring at me. It was a face that looked like someone three times his size just threw him up, even though he's the one whose way bigger then me. Realizing what I did, I let him down pushed him away. He walked away not saying a word, can't say he's talked to me much since then. People around me were looking away trying not to get eye contact with me. I think they realized I was fed up with the shit people have been giving me. The rest of my 8th grade year went by pretty well after that.

9th grade-10th grade. The "weird years". I started getting more popular around this time, but Brad was still my only friend I could actually talk to about anything. I had a lot of people who I would talk to, have a few laughs with, and talk about some video games. The "nerd" tag was starting to die off, and Neal was getting better around me since he had a girlfriend now (well, more like he ignored me. Ok by me). My 9th grade went by without much happening that I can remember. But 10th grade had some major things spring up. Brad started getting into drugs, pretty hardcore too. In 9th grade he would go out and smoke stupid stuff like paper, and he tried some tabbacco chew also. But I thought he would stop. No, he got in with the wrong people and started ignoring me and just going out and smoking weed all the time. He would hang out with the people I always thought were the "loser" of my grade. He would dissapear on my lunch table on random days and would come back in the school totally out of it. I felt really abandoned, as Brad was really my only "friend" I talked to and hung out with. Every once in awhile he would call me up and we'd play some Halo, and it was great. Because he wasn't high. But when he was, it was embarrassing that people were always asking me 'what's up with Brad?'. I didn't want to tell them, but I think they could guess it anyway. That summer he went to rehab, and that Summer I was bored off my ass. I had no friends, and I just sat home being anti-social and playing video games all the time. I was really into a game called Guild Wars at that time, and probably a good 2k of my 3k of my hours I have on that game came from that Summer. I can't say I was depressed, but I sure wasn't very happy with myself. All my new friends came from online, and even some of my old online friends who I used to clan Age of Empires II with would ask me "Where did F4llen go?". I don't think I ever told them.

Now to 11th grade. I come, have a few laughs with my "friends that aren't friends". Brad was seen less and less throughout that year. It seemed like 3 or 4 times a week he'd call in sick. Then by the end of the first Semester he left my school. I made new friends while he was gone. Zach, Drew, and Andrew were my new friends. I started building a much closer friendship with Zach then I did anyone else in my class. He was becoming my new best friend. Soon were were actually hanging out together.

Then came this last Summer. I feel a lot better, more active, and going down to the park to play Football a lot with friends. I start weight-lifting and hanging out with girls. I'm not much of a ladies man, I get clammed up when I'm around people who I have a bit of a crush on. I never really cared about girls till last Summer, because I had my video games and friends I would share my time with. But with Zach, he's all about the ladies. We go on a few double dates (if you can even call them dates). After a few, I finally meet this girl at the end of the summer. Holly. She's not exactly the prettiest girl you'd ever see, about my height (5'11), and wasn't skinner, but not fat either. Just right. She had those irresistible puppy eyes and always knew what to say. Even on that first date we were already having playful banter. I'm not even kidding, it was exactly how Emi and Hasao talk to each other. It was spinal shivering reading that in Katawa Shoujo. We hit it off fast, and we just seemed seemed comfortable around each other. Went on a few dates, did a few 'things' and hell I even skunk out of my house on 2 occassions to be with her. I felt like we had the perfect chemistry.

But I was blinded by first love. I knew the signs were there that told me she isn't meant to be with me. She's more of a partyer, and getting passed out drunk, and I'm more of the guy that sits home and plays video games or drinks a few casual beers with friends in their house. I tried my hardest to get it work, but then one day Zach told her that I was a virgin. I mean, I told her I never had a girlfriend before her, but I assumed she knew I was a virgin. I got the weirdest reaction. She sent me this weird message on Skype after I got home from my night shift from work. It went something along the lines of "What!? You're a virgin. Why didn't you tell me this? I don't know if I can be with you" (not word for word, just a general sentence) I called her up but she didn't answer. I sent her back a message and went to sleep (if you count staring at the wall as sleep). The next day I was so depressed during school. Constantly checking my laptop for a Skype message in reply. Finally that night she sent me back a message: "I'm coming over to your house. Brt". Ok, so I sent her the message back and said "Fine, see you in a bit". I waited a good 20 minutes upstairs next to my doorway waiting for her. Finally I see her tan SUV drive up (with her friend in the passenger seat). I go out and and ask if everything is alright, but she says no. And gives me this weird explanation how she can never have sex with me because I'm a virgin. And then she cries, and gives me the T-Shirt she promised she'd make for me a few weeks back. Then she drove off, and left me there all confused. 'Was she really this shallow?'. I don't know, and I couldn't sleep. Our nightly Skype sessions stopped (much like Emi and Hasao's morning runs). About a week later she asked me on a date over Skype just randomily. She wanted to go to a movie with me. Hoping that maybe she had changed her crazy attitude, I gladily said I would go. She said we'd do it that coming Friday.

I waited for Friday to come. That night came, and my heart was racing. I was calling her left and right, waiting for a response. Finally I got a call back, and she said in the most monotone voice "We're not going". She then went on to tell me a story how she got grounded and couldn't go. I said it was ok and we'd do it another time and hung out dissapointed. I later got a Skype message that night from her friend and she told me everything. From that Holly was going to use me for sex and that she doesn't love me at all is just stringing my along, and she's not grounded. I sent Holly an angry Skype message (sound weak, I know) and deleted her off everything (Facebook, Google+, Phone, Skype). Haven't really brought it since that day after I told my friend we were done.

Now I'm a Senior in Highschool. Don't trust women, love my video games, playing basketball, and hanging out with Zach and Drew still. I still have a long road ahead of me. Sorry if this was really long, but it felt great to type it all out. Even if it's not the saddest thing in the world, it's nice to type and get rid of some stress. Thankfully I'm 17 and have my whole life ahead of me still