The Lamb and The Fox

[Mirage_GSM]

Thought it might be that. Implications unpleasant...

Google it, if you don't get the reference.

[gecko]

The room is dark, apart from the public lighting reaching through the window. It's enough, from my sitting position on the bed, to see Rin standing by the window. She's wearing her long-sleeved t-shirt, which enables me to admire her legs. And her back. And everything, actually. I think I'm going to have to put my pants back on.

"Can you see bats, around your university?" she asks me. "Like in Yamaku?"

"Yes, but not in this season."

"I hate this town."

"You know," I answer, "you really look sad. Is that school really what you want?"

"I don't know." She shrugs.

"I know last time I assumed to understand what you needed, I was wrong, I can't force you to be happy, but..."

"Have you changed?" she interrupts me.

"I don't think so." I'm still as confused as I was yesterday, that's for sure. I should be happy to have shared that sexy moment with Rin, but... I guess I can't be as much in the present as she is.

"I can be sad for you."

"Why?"

"Because you are. And I'm thinking of you."

"Will it make you less sad if I try to see what I can do to be happier?"

She nods, still watching through the window. I don't know what: the street must be pretty desert at that hour, and even if the weather was warm enough, I don't think there are bats in such a big city. Or maybe she's just watching the raindrops in the puddles, or her fogging of the window? Is it still raining?

Actually, I know of one thing that should make me less sad: closure. Or some other way to be able to smile when I remember this night.

"You know I've only got one week left in Tokyo."

She nods again. I take a breath to give me some courage, before I ask the important question.

"Would you like to see me again?"

Another nod.

"I mean, like tonight? Not just as a friend?"

"You're not my friend?" She turns to look at me.

I stand and join her by the window, and hug her.

"I want to be more than your friend."

But now, I'm naked, and Rin, in my arms, is only wearing a t-shirt. The contact between naked flesh, the salty smell of our sweats, is enough to derail both of us from any serious discussion.

#

After another sexy time, another sleepy cuddling time, a shared shower (where I need a good bit of self-control, and Rin's insistence that I need my drugs, to avoid a third sexy time), and a battle with Rin's bra, we end having breakfast together at Yukio's place. At the cost of a long bus and train ride, of course.

That will teach me to accept a date without bringing my medication; I suppose I have to get used to lugging a purse around, like a girl; I need to find one that's manly enough. Luckily, Yukio isn't around today.

Also, I really hadn't guessed this was going to turn out like that. I look at Rin eating her noodles with her feet, and I smile, but I'm still confused. I suppose I should be glad Rin finds me as sexy as I find her, but what now? How is our discussion of seeing each-other again going to be something else than some hollow promise?

"Do you have access to a computer?" I ask, after we finish our bowls.

Maybe if she doesn't have a phone, we can at least find another way of communicating?

"There are computers at school," she answers, " but I don't like to use them: I have to re-arrange everything each time to have the keyboard, and the mouse, and the drawing pad, at feet level."

"Even to stay in touch with me?"

"You'd like that? It will make you less sad?"

"Of course! How do you want us to see each-other again if we can't discuss? How am I going to be sure you haven't forgotten me?"

"I don't want to forget you, Hisao."

"So help me. Contact me, tell me you're thinking of me, will you?"

She stays silent so long that I wonder if she's going to answer. But she finally nods.

"I think I want to do that."

I take a deep breath, to think how I'm going to answer that. Rin being Rin, that might be the best commitment I can get from her. But I really want to make sure she got the point, here.

"Rin, do it, please. I need you. I need to know you're thinking of me. You're not just a friend, or just a sexy girl for me. You're..."

"Hisao, stop."

"Why?"

"If we talk about me again, you're going to say words I don't understand, and then you'll shout at me or leave me again."

"No, I won't. I don't care if you understand me, or if I really understand you. I just want to be with you." Rin must be contaminating me, because I struggle to find words for what I feel. I finally settle on the most cliché way to say it: "I love you Rin..." There.

"See, you're doing it again. I don't know what this love word means. It's supposed to be nice, but it makes me afraid. Like you've just opened a door and it's all dark behind."

Honestly, I'm not sure what it means either. But it's still the best word I've got to explain how I feel.

"It's dark, but you're not alone. Isn't that good?"

"Why me?" She asks, after a long silence. "Why not someone who understands you?"

I'm stuck. Why do I love her, or whatever it is I call love? How can I be so sure, while yesterday, I didn't even want to see her again? Just because we've had sex?

I'm quite sure I'm not so shallow, that there must be something else, but what? There must be something to that feeling I've nearly always got with her, all the way back to Yamaku. That feeling that I'm not alone, that I can be who I am without being judged. Did she tame me, like she said I did to her? That's when, thinking of The Little Prince, I get my answer:

"You can see the elephant in the boa."

===
Link to epilogue.

[Homeless]

..... the feels... thanks for the inspiration.

[CarnivalNights]

Damn.

I didn't even know there was another piece added.

[Mahorfeus]

And this is why I need to use the thread tracker.

[gecko]

Yes, as this was the last part of the split, I managed to get it ready sooner.
But now, I'm late for the epilogue... Sorry for that.

[Beoran]

Thansk for your in fanfic. I enjoy it a lot. Can't wait for the epilogue!

[themocaw]

"You can see the elephant in the boa."

Now I want to go reread that damn book.

[Daitengu]

"You can see the elephant in the boa."

Now I want to go reread that damn book.

It's pretty short. It's shorter than some of the fanfics here. You can find it posted around the net.

[gecko]

"You can see the elephant in the boa."

Now I want to go reread that damn book.

It's pretty short. It's shorter than some of the fanfics here. You can find it posted around the net.

And the whole "elephant in a boa" thing is all in the first chapter, in case you only find extracts.
(Epilogue coming around. Thanks for your patience. I plan to post it during the week-end)

[WolfStreak]

Do you have any plans for future story's with Rin and or other characters? I really enjoyed your work and hope to see something else soon.

[gecko]

Our feet squish some water-logged ground as we climb the hill behind the university. It's not been warm long enough yet to dry the grass, just enough to melt the snow that had made everything white during the winter. Or maybe it's the short shower from this morning. Apart from that, it's a fine Sunday afternoon, I can feel the sun warming my back as I follow Rin. I'm the one who knows the place, but she's the one leading. To where, I don't know, but I don't care.

It's not like we have any goal in mind. Apart maybe finding a good place for cloud watching. It fits with the rest of the week-end. Our only goal has been to be together, apparently, including food at strange hours, and a large amount of sex – including this very morning.

I had no idea that someone taking that amount of pills could be erotic to anyone, but apparently it can. Or it's just Rin seeing me watching her naked in my bed from my standing position. Whatever. The results have been pleasing.

It's been pleasing, too, to have the confirmation that Rin was missing me as much as I had been missing her. Because I can't say our long-distance relationship has been very successful. Rin definitely isn't good with words, and I suppose I'm not much better. Messages limited to "I don't forget you" about weekly, when she's not too immersed in a painting, that's not much to go on with. And Rin big art project that had made her hermit during the whole winter break didn't help – I had counted on that to see her in person. After that, she'd made the effort to send me photographs of her art; it felt nice to feel in the loop with her life, but it still was a far cry from really seeing her.

A rabbit scurries away from us when we reach an open field. Rin looks at the white clouds in the sky, then smiles at me.

"I like this place."

"Me too. And it would be even better with you here."

Her smile falters.

"I've thought about that. Since you've told me you got the authorisation to switch majors for next year... I don't think I've spent that much time thinking about who I think I am and the future for a long time... But in the end, I've got no solution. Drawing is the only thing I'm good at."

"But you look better."

She's still quite thin, but it's not as easy to count her ribs as it was in Tokyo. Her breasts are heavier than I remembered them, too. I'm not that impressed, I've never been a big breasts man myself, but I like to see her healthier. My attraction for Rin has never been purely physical, after all.

"I've decided I'm not an artist," she answers, and before I can object, adds, "Your heart sounds better, too."

She might be right. With the prospect to see her again, I've been quite motivated in doing my daily walk. But for now, I'm looking at her with wide eyes, waiting for her to explain more. Or not. She's still Rin. But she seems to catch my confusion, because she tries.

"Having you with me, it's easier. Of course, you're going to say you're not really with me, but I know you think of me, so it's like you're with me, do you understand?" Does this girl ever breathe? "I can do like Mio, play the 'guess what the teachers want to hear' game, instead of trying to change for them. They're not all happy with that, but I often enough. Only Yamazaki says all the time this is not the real Rin, but he said the same thing when I was thought I was the real Rin, I think he'd continue to say it if he saw the drawings I sent you... Oh, she says hello."

"Who? Yamazaki?"

"No! Mio! Shinya Yamazaki is a man, and he never met you... Or do you know him?"

"Emi says hello, too," I steer the conversation back on track. She would even have been around here, to see Rin, if she hadn't promised her swim-team boyfriend to support him during this week-end tournament.

Rin frowns, then smile. "She's not holding a grudge, that's good. People like her can be fussing for a long time."

"Who, Emi? Why?"

"No, Mio. She wanted to date you, you know? Of course, Emi found you attractive too..."

I really don't know what to answer. Plus, Mio must have known I wasn't going to stay in Tokyo. Was she just aiming for a short fling? Or is she as strange as Rin and I can be? Or has Rin completely misunderstood her?

Rin casts a last loot at the sky, smiles, then interrupts my reflections by stopping smiling and staring at me. I know this way of looking at me, and it's already making my breath faster, but it just doesn't fit with our current location. I'm going to ask her what it's about when she leans against me.

Her breath is warm on my ear, and her breasts are soft on my chest. And her right leg is coiling around my back, while I hug her, as much for my own comfort as to steady her. Rin's mouth descend on my chest, trying to unbutton my shirt.

"We're going to get wet," I object.

"We'll deal with that when we are."

"And we're in a public place. What if other people walk here?"

"We'll deal with that when they do."

I suppose I have no other objections, and I show it by putting my hands at work on Rin's shirt.

#

Another sexy time, thankfully uninterrupted, and a long warm shower later, we decide to eat together rather than getting on an already lost race to the station. We're now looking at the stars, on the ceiling of the dorms waiting for the time for the next train to come, which is going to be so late that we might as well call it early morning.

"You're going to get in trouble?"

"Not too much with school. I've been a good student lately. Since I've understood that smoking made me lazy. Ken is going to be grumpy, though. I was supposed to help Mio with his website, she'd managed to get that accepted as a rated project... Oh sorry, you don't like me to talk about him."

Her voice trails away. I avoid looking in her direction, concentrate on the stars, and try to forget about this man's existence. But then, Rin bumps my shoulder with hers. I turn to see her looking at me.

"Why have you never asked me to forget him?"

Why? I don't know myself. Because you're Rin, you invent your own rules, and asking you to follow the normal rules would be like asking you not to be Rin?

"Is he good for you?" I finally ask.

"I think so," she answers. "He's nice with me, you know, like a friend... But not the same level of friend, not like you, but... I don't know. Why are those words so difficult? You know, it's like Emi, she was nice with me, but she never understood me. Not that you do, or do you? You always say you don't, but you make me feel like you do. Is understand a difficult word, too? How can you understand and not understand at the same time? And I never had sex with Emi, does it make a difference? I don't think she wasn't attractive, but maybe it is just because it's something normal girls don't do... Or maybe she wasn't interested, I never asked... Interested by girls or by me? Because I'm sure she liked sex, I heard things in her room you know... Maybe I understand normal people even less than they understand me..."

I stop her flow of Rinesque logic with a hand on her shoulder.

"The problem is not with Ken," I tell her. "But with the way you act, one day, you're going to find that Ken understands you, or to fall in love with one of those artists you spend your time with, and I'll be alone again. It's true I don't like him much, but..."

"No, I won't," she interrupts me in a stern voice.

"Are you sure?" It's the first time I hear Rin so sure about something future.

"Are you sure you won't fall for one of those smart science students, who know about the stars but understands normal people, then forget me for her?"

"Rin, I'm not even looking..."

"Can you promise you won't die before me?"

"You know I can't."

"I think my level of certainty is worth yours."

I don't know if we've just been having an argument, or if I've just got as much as a promise as I can get from Rin, so I stay silent. I don't want our last discussion before she leaves to turn into a full-blown argument.

I would go back watching the stars, but Rin then takes a long breath, and looks at me with narrowed eyes, like she's preparing for a fight.

"I-love-you-Hisao."

She said it so quickly. By the time I process her words, she's looking away. She talks again before I can answer, very softly – I barely hear her.

"I hope you know what to do with that, because I don't even know what I'm talking about. I feel... I don't know. Am I being nice with you, Hisao? I really want to be nice with you. Am I doing okay? Is it still okay if I don't know what I'm talking about? What am I supposed to do now?"

She only stops talking when I hug her. To make my answer clear, I also put a light kiss on her lips. I must have some goofy smile, but I don't care. Rin's crying, but she's smiling too.

"Tell me you understand," she whispers.

"I do. I understand."

Only for a certain level of understanding, of course. But I don't think I need to say it aloud. It would kind of ruin the moment, and I'm certain that Rin knows.

And that the kiss she closes the discussion with is worth more than any spoken promise.

===

Soundtrack proposal for epilogue: Queen – Dreamer's ball

[gecko]

Do you have any plans for future story's with Rin and or other characters? I really enjoyed your work and hope to see something else soon.

As of today, I've no other plans related to KS. Now that it's out of my system, I'd rather go back to more personal projects that got stranded. Maybe I'll get inspiration for a one-shot some-when, but nothing sure...
But many thanks for the kind words.

Thanks for everyone who commented too. Knowing that someone is waiting for the next chapter is a great motivator to get it out!

[nemz]

Thank you for this truely excellent story with just the right balance of angst and hope. You really captured the bittersweet KS feel and have kept the characters entirely believable.

[CarnivalNights]

Ah, that was great. Thanks for that story...as rage-inducing as it was in the earlier chapters.