hmm, I don't have the characters/font to read what you put up. If you're wanting people to figure it out, errr, might want to tell us how to get that particular language to display. By context I'm guessing different braille forms, but I don't have that option in my language config. I'd install it, but I dunno how. I mean I put in Japanese and a dozen other languages, but there's no option for that Microsoft and google are no help *sigh*
Considering my difficulty, it would be more restricting in the long run, even if it's an interesting idea. Not too many people willing to install new fonts/languages. And even less will be able to find the right one.
But to answer your question, Tenji would be the way to go if you plan to be realistic. No matter which one you pick you'll have to assume the readers won't be reading it.
I'd recommend just having it in english and marked as braille. Like bold and underline to mean it's in braille, so the reader knows what's goin on without having to work for it.
[Similar to how Sign is shown in the game as bracketed.]
The sound her backpack makes when landing on the carpet is a muddled thump of a noise, books and stationary alike coming to an unexpected rest at ground level. With some minor fuss along the lines of maneuvering amidst my somewhat massive desk, Kayane manages to free the annoying time-keeping device from its place on the wall. She nearly trips, but thankfully catches herself. Admittedly, there isn't much I could do in the way of catching her in such an accident until after the fact. It took some work to get the clock off the small nails that had been keeping the clock aligned in its position, and having finished with the ordeal, she breathes out a relieved sigh, followed by her more natural laughter.
"That could have been bad."
I can't come up with anything meaningful to say that wouldn't be more than 'Well, it's good that it wasn't bad', which would just be redundant.
"Alright, then," she says. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm gonna get the laptop and see if we can't figure this out." I wave, saying that I'll not be going anywhere, and her exit is swift. Using this moment of solitude, I move with a speed I'd forgotten I was able to achieve and frantically attempt to locate my slacks, which I'd really like to be wearing in extended company like this.
A panicked foot finds them crumpled alongside one of the posts of the desk, unfortunately inverted. I probably should have taken the time to discard them with a little care, but it's too late now, and the responsibility is my own in whatever amount of time I have until she returns. Again, moving so hastily is almost against my usual means. Rarely is there a situation where I'm in any sort of rush, even in dire washroom-related tragedies.
The length of my arm inside of the reversed pant leg, I hold tightly to the cuff and yank with considerable force. It's met with some resistance, and I'm lucky to have prevented a serious tear the way the fabric fights back to my pull. I only barely finish hopping about to assist in getting the waistline of the pants past my own when I can make out more footsteps returning from the direction Kayane made off to. I have only enough time to zip up, fasten the button along the brim, and drop onto the mattress before the subtle presses on the carpet come to a stop at my door's post. Sitting in a faux-relaxed manner, a little out of breath from such a sudden and unhealthy dose of commotion, I sit as though i haven't moved an inch since her departure. After announcing her return, Kayane pushed the door lazily open before closing it in full just afterward.
She makes no mention of my pants, and I am grateful.
"I got my notebook." She taps the device's plastic casing to confirm it to me. "It's a little old, but it should be able to handle a CD. I'll just need to turn the sound up since stereo doesn't work well through the speakers."
"Do you need an outlet?" I ask. I don't remember stumbling upon any in my short inspection earlier, not that I should be poking my fingers around in search of them.
"The battery in this sucker should be good for a few hours at least." She hurries forward and presumably sets up her computer in the middle of the floor, with various clicks and other incidental sounds coming from her position. I want to comment on the fact that she's using a laptop directly on carpeting, and I remember that being something that isn't recommended... but she's the one who's doing this, and she likely has more experience with technology than I.
The thing roars to life with a heavy *whirr*. I'm not fond of the noise at first, though the fans trickle slowly to a more easily forgettable level, with only our breathing being more pronounced. It does, however, take a dreadfully long time to start up.
"It takes a bit, since it's out of date. Should just be a minute, though."
"Are you good with computers?" I ask her.
Because I sure as hell am not.
"Umm... I'd say I can do a lot, but I'm not great. I usually just play games and mess around on the internet." She shuffles herself into a more comfortable position on the floor. Seeing this as good a time as any, I gauge the distance and sit myself down relatively close to her, but not too close as to be intrusive. She continues, saying, "I've actually been scolded for wasting bandwidth from the staff."
"Do you really use that much?" I ask this as soon as the opening melody of the operating system chimes, celebrating a successful boot. Through the tips of my fingers on the carpet, I can sense the tiny motors' movements as it chugs along.
"No," she says. "Well, not that much." She doesn't say much else on the topic, so I can assume that she's not prepared a proper argument for herself just yet. I grin, if only a tad bit, as I listen to her. She left her backpack in her room, it seems. In retrospect, I'm not sure of any other students lugging one around. It's possible, of course, since I would have no clear way of discerning one's presence without being fairly close, but none of the other students I've approached today were in possession of anything more than a handbag.
"Finally, it's ready," she assures me before asking for the disc itself. I get back into a standing position, to which my knees find this a welcome moment to snap and pop like they've never done anything of the sort before, and line myself to what I'm assuming is the direction of my bed. I'm relieved to be in the right, and easily find and retrieve the jewel case. I orient myself again, and make my way to the center of the room, which is only a short distance, but...
"Woah," Kayane says, as she grabs my right calve. I'd missed the mark by a fair deal, and it's only her grasp that prevents me from trodding further off course. Embarrassed, I correct myself and plop down alongside her, this time a little closer, and display the CD case where she can take it from me.
I feel so stupid.
"i'm so stupid," I say, reflecting my thoughts almost exactly. My shoulders have begun to sulk as I ease into a more settled position. I run my fingers along the trim of my clothing, the tips of my digits biding their time in my moment of ineptitude. Uneasily, I move my feet slightly, the end of one of my socks having made some distance from my toes. I adjust it, tugging it tightly, the small scene replaying an uncountable amount of times as I do so.
You can't even walk on your own without that cane or a wall, can you?
While removing the disc from its protective case, Kayane counters, "You're not stupid, you just made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes."
It sounds as though she's removing a disc from the laptop, most likely required for one of her games that she plays.
"I've made loads of mistakes," I say, attempting to cement my idiocy. Without going into specifics, my seemingly innocent declaration holds a hefty weight. My somber expression evokes a response, just as she places the intended compact disc into its respective tray on the laptop.
"Moving forward to an unknown future is always preferable to standing still in a definite present, even more so than looking back on what you've failed at in the absolute past." She quickly notes, "I'm not really sure how that expression might affect you. Some people take offense to stuff like that, even at the mention of sight."
"That's deep," I declare.
"I made it up," she counters. "Still, it'd be cool if you'd let me know what you're okay with me saying, because I can say a lot. My mouth gets me into stupid situations all the time."
She confronts it confidently, and, as such, I answer truthfully.
"Hmm. You can say what you want around me so long as it's not obscenely offensive or anything. Even then, I probably couldn't stop you."
I'm speaking so well right now, with nary a bad euphemism or stutter to be found. She is right, though; some sightless people are very sensitive to these sort of things, even within reasonable context.
"I bet you could, actually," she says in response. "I'm not very strong right now, and you look... like you work out or something." She laughs. "If I were to honestly offend you, I could only guarantee that I'd be more apt to get away quickly or apologize the hell out of the situation."
I blush, unsure of how to reply. I still would not call myself fit.
My father, being in the Japanese Navy, had a room fitted with various exercise equipment for several years, up until recently. At first, I would find him in there for a few hours a day, when he'd be home, that is. We would chat about school, and he would get me up to date on the few people I'd known from the members of his crew - Mr. Hochi was always my favorite, and is the one who gave me my special watch. After one my father's longer absences, my mother was open to my own suggestion that I get into a nice, and totally relaxed, low-stress routine.
That routine ended up becoming fairly arduous and was eventually a daily endeavor for me, although it should be said that any sort of personal workout would have been strenuous without prior experience. While my arms and legs could only handle so much punishment with defined presses and flexing, the ability to run on his treadmill was something I can hardly replicate safely, and proved to be the most rewarding of them all.
Sure, I could easily find an open expanse of flat terrain, but maneuvering my way back would be cumbersome indeed. No, this was perfect, and with soft rails to ensure my security, it was a wonderful way to keep my body in a fair state. My time with Chikka seems to have averted me from such activities, due to her wanting a more feminine daughter. Over time, I faded out of the habit. I never achieved an incredible tone or anything spectacular, though I can tell that my build is still relatively decent, given the downtime since, but between the physical stresses of my suicide attempt, and an uneven eating schedule, I've gotten a touch softer.
'Strong right now', I ponder again in my head, retreading our exchange. I know her statement could mean a number of things. She may just be tired, or worn out from her day - I certainly am. The idea of something more effectual, a trickling of somber dread that maybe this girl isn't in good health; it crosses my mind several times. If it weren't for the nature of Yamaku, I suppose I wouldn't be putting others within such doubtful scrutiny, that I can't take a simple statement at face value.
Seeing this a logical jumping point, I take the dive with only minimal restraint, intending to ask for clarification, as she herself was so willing to say as much. Before my mouth can form the question, however, it's interrupted by her mouth, which has already processed a thought and exclaims, "Oooh, it's a CD-ROM."
Perking up, I respond in an intellectual and learned manner.
"Huh?"
Or something similar to a mental hiccup.
"It means it does more than just play sound. It looks like it's the whole shabang, too." After several clicks, Kayane mumbles something about the audio. Moments later, it seems she's finished with whatever needed to be done.
"Well?" she says.
"...Well?" I say back, a little confused.
"Are you ready?" Before I can reply, she's scooted herself and the laptop closer to me, the two of being within inches of one another. "Sorry if I'm too close. The sound only goes so high."
"It's... no problem."
Earlier, I was wary of her getting this close, but now that she 's become so near to me, I find myself against the idea of her moving farther. Maybe it's her sweet scent, or the miniscule warmth I can sense from her, but Kayane's presence is soothing to me; a sort of comfortable niceness that I haven't received as much in the past several years as I have been this first day on campus.
I'm too quick to associate familiarity with security.
"Here we go," she says as she begins the program. As it begins, we are first greeted by a young and confident man, introducing himself as the narrator for the speech and giving a small list of previous credentials; namely other things of this sort I have no real knowledge of. To a concerned party, I imagine it would be important for credibility, but in this sudden introduction, we don't have much opinion on the subject.
Then, the lad explains that the presentation covers many facets of social sciences and marketing, which is neat, and I say as much when it's brought up. As it gets going, however...
It gets really boring really quickly.
I mean, holy hell, is this dreadfully uninteresting. The charisma of the announcer dredges slowly from his voice as the statistics and percentages start flowing into play. In the span of roughly ten minutes, we'd gone from being wholly curious to appallingly disheartened. Why would I need to know the population of some backward city in the middle of nowhere and its correlation to the price of chicken imports?
Aside from those who import Western hens, of course.
I enjoy learning. I love to discover a new theory, or uncover some relevant correlation between two different facets, but this is absurd, and completely unnecessary for me to even attempt to give a damn. In a fit of desperation, I ask Kayane, "Exactly how long is this?" My legs are wriggling about on their own, just struggling to occupy themselves in this state of inaction. I keep turning a different ear to the screen to hear better, thinking maybe if it sounds clearer, it would be more interesting.
It is not.
She moves forward a moment as the narrator continues his offense. Following a grunt of dissatisfaction, she answers.
"Two hours and twelve minutes."
I say nothing, but slump in place. My fingers graze the roughness of the carpeting.
"This is..." I begin.
"...Boring." "Boring."
We chuckle in unison, writing this entire ordeal off before it's even nearly finished. After she's done with her giggling, Kayane speaks up again. She sounds like she's moving around in place, her voice moving from side to side when she talks to me.
"Haha. Do you even need to listen to this?"
"I doubt it."
"You wanna listen to a bunch of comedy specials instead? I don't think they're gonna quiz you on this, after all."
"That sounds like fun."
The time passes without a single missed step. After assisting me in replacing the presentation into its designated case for return, Kayane and I spend the rest of my evening leaning against the edge of my bed, watching (and listening) to various comedy acts and hilarious speeches. Other than her getting up to turn my light on, as the sun has apparently opted out for the night, we've been sitting in close proximity like this for much of the time. It makes hearing her as she reads the subtitles to foreign skits all that much easier, though.
I kind of like this sort of friendliness. Chikka would watch comedy programs late at night when she'd be up working on a project at home. I would sometimes listen in, but many of their jokes would go oover my head. She seemed to think they were funny, but I didn't find their styles of humor particularly interesting.
We've been laughing at these shows, of course, but also at the snide little remarks we would make when a joke falls flat. One comedian in particular had a very rough crowd during his first performance, but he made up for it with perhaps the biggest laughs of the night near the end of it. He did better shows, though, and the one we are watching right now is his most recent, and its great to know he'd improved and grown up in his mannerisms. It ends with a bang before the end titles play, and with that, we're out of videos for now.
Once our combined laughter has ebbed, Kayane shuts the notebook down and closes its lid. Within a few seconds, the device has powered down completely and the fans cease. The sound of leaves *ratta* rustle and tap the covered window in the room. There's an almost insignificant rumble of thunder that I wouldn't have caught on to if I couldn't feel it through my body on the floor. I can't judge the distance from inside like this, and it would be useless information at this hour.
The weather has picked up again, but thankfully, I am perfectly safe and sheltered indoors like this. I find solace in the fact that I really have nothing left to do tonight but sleep, and this pleasant diversion has been both good for passing the time, but also great for keeping me content. Laughter isn't the best medicine in reality, but it sure is something we could all use form time to time.
"it's nice to watch someone get better at what they strive to do," Kayane says, breaking our unintended silence these past few minutes. I push a part of the sheet which has managed to drape onto my shoulder back atop the bed as I think over what to talk about.
"Do you have any hobbies?" I ask, not that I have many to talk about.
"Well, I'm in the Music Club. I play the piano, mostly, but I occasionally arrange music for the other students. I joined it last year, so I'm moving up in seniority, too. It's nice to be able to tell the first-years what to do, sometimes. It makes me feel nice and bossy - but not too bossy."
I had piano lessons for a very short time when I was younger. The instructor found it difficult to teach me properly, and eventually my father felt that it wasn't a good investment at the time, so we postponed it. We never got back to it, sadly. I liked the sounds the teacher could create, but hated my inability to locate the keys properly, moreso my lack of talent in combining creativity and motor skills to work in tandem. Still, it was a nice distraction when I was successful.
I could use some distractions, these days.
"What kind of clubs are there, here?"
"Uhmm. There's a Literature Club, like books and stuff. Your selection would be kind of limited if you joined, though."
That's an unfortunate truth. Braille isn't a universal language to any extent, and translations are even harder to come by for foreign materials.
"...But there's still the Art Club, which has a blind student in it, and I hear he does fairly well, given -"
She falters for a breath, realizing what sort of statement she's about to make. When she can't find the words, I implore her to not worry about my feelings when talking about something so inherently realistic. I'm not so insensitive to others that I would judge them so harshly for minor and honest thoughts.
Kayane continues, "Given that he's blind, and he's really not that good at anything but sculpting, though it is very good work from what the teacher tells me." She collects herself. "Sorry. Like I said, some people are really sensitive to stuff that reminds them..."
"Why they're here," I add.
"Yea."
"You don't need to answer me, of course, but, why did you enroll at Yamaku?"
She readjusts her seating. I may have rustled her mentality, but her voice shows no sign of disdain or apathy. She's almost glad that I would be so curious about her.
"I know you can't see it, but I've got a lot of little cuts and scarring on my hands, and a few on my legs, but they're not as bad. There's a little one left over on my head where I took a fairly heavy hit, but it's mostly gone and the hair's grown back over where I got cut. I was in a car wreck last year, and my hands were trapped under a bent piece of steel. It smashed some bones, but it wasn't enough for me to lose them or anything. Broke my nose, though."
But I thought you played piano...
"You said that you play piano, though. How...?"
"Well, my wrist, and forearms have some metal rods in them, and it's been long enough that my muscles have gotten back in the groove for it. It still hurts, sometimes, when I do something too complex, but that's how I get better - by building my strength up one peaceful sonata at a time."
"I've only been in one car accident, and it was minor. It must have been terrifying to be involved in one that actually left a mark like that."
"I was asleep before it happened, and then I woke up about a month later from a coma. It was terrible, and disorienting, but I wasn't scared, just sad." She lacks the somber quality that I would tint to such a statement. Instead, she talks as if it just happened to be a bad day, but the next day was normal as always - a singular occurrence in an otherwise uneventful time.
"You're lucky" I say to her, having turned to her direction, my arms resting atop my knees. "It would have been horrible if you'd lost your arms or something."
"Well, I did lose something..."
Oh no. I hadn't even played with the idea that she'd lost a family member or anything in the crash. I sit there with my mouth unsure of whether to declare an apology or to segue to a less troublesome topic. I'm prepared to exclaim my condolences, only she catches on to my thought process and preempts me with her playful voice, of which I'm growing fond of hearing.
"Nonono, nobody died because of it, although my brother took a nasty bruise to his left cheek. Face. It was a face cheek."
"Oh," is all I can think to say at that, and smirk at her need to clarify. That's good to hear, actually. I was expecting a full tragedy that I would need to claw myself out of in embarrassment. I wouldn't know how to deal with myself should I make anyone else burst into tears.
"...Though I did lose my sense of smell because of it." She sniffles shortly, due to congestion, I would hope, and not this sudden revelation.
My eyes widen as I struggle to stop my mouth to open to the same degree. This is an unexpected revelation, and despite her nonchalant delivery, I fear I've let my humble curiosity take me into a conversation I cannot escape safely. I've yet to say anything about my past to her, but she's already delved into some of the more dire details of her life so far.
"Uhh," I fumble, unsure of how to react. She picks up on my unease and pokes my elbow. I jump a little in response, and she just laughs at me.
"It's all right, you know. It's just something I need to live with, like the pins in my hands." After popping another piece of candy into her mouth, I call her on it.
"So, if you have no sense of smell, then how well is your taste now?"
"Almost completely gone," she says. "I took such a hard hit to my head and the bridge of my nose that a lot of the functionality just... died out right then. When I woke from the coma, it was obvious that something was amiss, even through the tubing."
My heart stops, or at least it may as well have, because the rest of me has frozen. this is partly due to reminding me of my own stint in the hospital, but much of my concern is on her loss of two forms of perception so invaluable to me.
Kayane continues, "I'm very particular about getting strong flavors, or super sour stuff when my tongue can handle it. Most everything else is really weak."
My visage openly displays my feelings about this.
"But don't worry about it," she insists to me, patting me on my thigh with subtle force. "It's just the way things are, you know? I can't let this affect me for the rest of my life, or I'd just be some bitter old tart for all time."
...Interesting expression, considering what she said about herself.
"...You don't have a waste bin," Kayane says, fondling the wrapper to the hard candy in her palm, crunching it rater loudly, like to emphasize for me to understand what the situation is about. She seems to do that: make her intentions clear to me in a way that my blindness cannot affect.
Comprehending what she's just told me, I regret not realizing this earlier. Were I a surveyor, they'd dock my pay.
"I guess I could just, I dunno... allocate a portion of the floor for refuse."
She's laughing again, and it make me smile like an idiot. I like when people are happy. It make me feel like I don't need to placate any discomforts or anything. I can be more natural about my behavior, and it makes speaking far easier without my filter tripping me up as much.
"So what other clubs are there?" I ask her, getting back on track. I don't want to dwell on another lost sense, given she must deal with the topic all the time as it is. I know I do. She puts off an aura of contentment, but I would do best to simply steer clear of this topic for now. As far as I can tell, she's put the wrapper somewhere I can't verify, as the crunching has stopped completely. I hope she didn't chuck it under the mattress.
"Well..." she says, "There's an Astronomy Club."
"That's, uhhh..."
"Hey, now. I'm only mentioning it cause you asked. Besides, there actually is a blind girl in it right now -" adding quickly, "I don't know her personally though. I'm guessing that she's in it for the night air, or she has a crush on somebody in the club."
"I like the night air," I say in this complete stranger's defense. The cool calming breeze, and the palpable silence of the evening. All things are resting. It's something I look forward to every year during the summer."
I missed much of it this year.
I'm grateful she doesn't have some sort of literal response to my words. It can become frustrating always being corrected when using terms related to sight. I understand figurative language, but it takes so much effort usually to inform others without them first making it clear that what I say is impossible. Kayane doesn't make this distinction.
A wandering hand manages to make its way to my watch. It's getting fairly late.
"Kayane," I ask politely.
"Yes?"
"I'm curious. Why would you spend an indeterminate span of your afternoon and evening with someone you've never met before?"
"Huh? I don't know. I wanted to make sure I let Miki be by herself for a few hours, though I may have overdone it."
"Miki?"
"Oh, Miki Miura. She's been staying in my room while they finish hers. She has a test tomorrow, and I told her to study for it while I give her some space. She's supposed to get her dorm back any day now, if I remember right."
"Do you think she's really working hard right now?"
"Nah. It's not in her character. She's been nice to me, though. She likes to use my laptop to distract herself, hence my willingness to bring it over here, haha."
"Ah."
"So, were you saying that you didn't want to hang out with me tonight?"
That sounded desperate.
Fake as hell, but the idea is in there.
"Oh, no! I just... Everyone's been so damn friendly with me today. It's like we've all known each other for years and only now got reacquainted. The only sore spot would be the Nurse, but he has his reasons."
I didn't meant to bring that up.
"Oh, you had to visit the Nurse?"
"Yes," I answer truthfully.
"He can be a butt. He's a caring, compassionate man, but he can be the biggest ass when he wants you to feel bad about yourself." She's so close right now, her breath and mine only barely audible between each other. "I'm talking major mighty sumo ass."
And then she gets up, grabbing the notebook with both hands as she rises. It's a fair bet that she must not have too much trouble carrying something so light around freely. To be so weakened that you couldn't handle your daily bookwork, however; that's a smidge depressing. Thankfully, she has her backpack for anything too demanding, and now it all makes sense as to why.
I train my face to the direction of her voice as she speaks, still possessing that relaxed and almost aloof quality.
"It's getting late, though. I should probably get going."
I get up as well, to show her off. The room may not support my efforts, being only so many meters in any direction, but the gesture is implied as we travel a very small amount of distance to the door. I manage to not hit anything along the way, either - hooray for me. She turns the knob, but allows me to grab the door, with her help, so I can close it behind her when she leaves. As we stand there, one of us within, the other without, I can't help but feel good about how this turned out.
"I had a lot of fun, Kayane. Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry the CD was, umm, crap? I can say it was crap, right?"
"Yea, just don't tell Yoshino that when she comes back. I had a lot of fun, too. It was nice to just sit down and not have to think for a while."
She lingers on that sentence, and as she finishes, I smile happily.
"I appreciated it."
"You look tired, Naofumi."
"I could die any second now."
With a cheerful sort of glee, she bids me farewell for the evening as I flip the light switch to its 'off' position, as I surely don't need them as much as most normal people would. Closing the door, and subsequently locking it, I am once again by myself in a strange room.
It's less strange now, though.
I've already started to build memories in here.
My feet hobble unevenly toward the bed. The weariness hits me harder now that I've come to the realization that the day is truly over. Once on the bed, I reach under it to find my phone, in order to set the alarm for the next morning. I'll need to be up early enough to allow travel time to the Nurse's office. Sure not to miscount, I fiddle with the keys until I'm certain I've proceeded correctly - I don't want to wake to early, nor too late to do what I must.
I forgot to ask someone about the inner path to the Auxiliary Building again.
"Dammit, Fumi."
My alarm set, I put the phone atop the desk with a huff. Sighing with all of my inner rage, I roll myself onto the bed into a more sleepworthy placement of limbs. Finding that dissatisfactory, I fumble about for a few minutes before discovering a mutual arrangement for the greater part of my body. After a few minutes, I could care less how stiff my back might be in the morning. Right now, I'm gonna go to sleep, damn the consequences.
In the absence of a certain even ticking sound, the fresh peace envelops me, with the occasional gust of wind carrying leaves to my window's frame. It's never distracting, only a spackled sound in a room filled with nothing but the most incidental noises from elsewhere. I reflect on the day I've finally defeated, and the people I've come to know, each willing to help me get through it all.
Not counting the Nurse, there's Lilly, the calm and proper type - she could be a lot of help to me in class, when she's not doing Student Council duties. Misha, the loud, but well-meaning kind of girl - I expect her to get me in trouble, someday.
And Kayane, who just wanted to have some fun. Though I feel a sadness about the problems she has to live with, I'm flattered that she thought I was worth spending time with, even though we were originally going to do something entirely different from what actually occurred.
"This was fun." I enjoyed this. I thoroughly enjoyed spending my time like this, and it makes up for the frustrating and disorderly day that preceded it. I liked the part about apples...
That never happened. I need to go to freaking sleep.
My thoughts and senses are blending together now, as a steady slumber creeps its way onto the scene. I should use the restroom, and my bladder agrees, but it's so far away from the bed. My last thought is about the smell of her hair, of which I manage to lazily scold myself just as I fade away for the night to join whatever bizarre things I can imagine.
Sometime during the late evening, I'm awakened by a familiar musical melody.
I don't answer it.
END CHAPTER
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
i'll see you guys after i've finished all of my distractions, and more importantly, after i've finished a major chunk of the second chapter, when the story gets going. i have it all planned out already; it's just getting there that i fret over.
this should be RELATIVELY free of minor typos. the braille is tenji, hoping i didn't botch the 'za' sound. might just use it for these sort of things.
45k words, cripes
Last edited by darkmelee on Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:51 pm, edited 6 times in total.
you're not required to answer any, of course, but i'm curious as to what your responses might be.
1. do you believe that naofumi could be a real person, or is at least mostly believable?
2. when you read this, do you imagine it from a third-person perspective, watching what occurs? maybe you imagine it similarly to the game's presentation, which is counter-intuitive to the protagonist's disability? do you visualize it as live-action events, or the anime style from the game? do you maybe think of it and imagine it all from an actual blind person's experience, imagining the sensations and motions? i'm interested in knowing how you perceive this, given that it's based from a 'perspective' that is unlike anything many of the readers might have encountered.
3. do the original characters so far have any weight comparable to already established characters?
4. have i treated the game's recurring characters properly? i should wait to ask this until i've introduced someone kenji, but i'm still curious.
again, answering these isn't necessary, but if you feel like it, i'd be interested in hearing from those of you who followed this story up to this point. it took roughly a month and a half to get through one day's worth of events, and there's gonna be a big gap between now and when the second chapter starts posting, and that's supposed to cover around two months, i think (not that it will take absolutely every day into account in the same detail as this first chapter). i'll be finishing up all of my distractions, and i'll start on that very son, though i make no promises about when it will start updating, so stay frosty. the goal is that when i do start, i won't need to stop until the chapter ends, so i'll need a lot of time to build up and make sure i know what the hell i'm doing.
darkmelee wrote:1. do you believe that naofumi could be a real person, or is at least mostly believable?
From my vantage point, all the feelings and character you gave her are entirely plausible. Everyone has their inner demons.
darkmelee wrote:2. when you read this, do you imagine it from a third-person perspective, watching what occurs? maybe you imagine it similarly to the game's presentation, which is counter-intuitive to the protagonist's disability? do you visualize it as live-action events, or the anime style from the game? do you maybe think of it and imagine it all from an actual blind person's experience, imagining the sensations and motions? i'm interested in knowing how you perceive this, given that it's based from a 'perspective' that is unlike anything many of the readers might have encountered.
I think it only seems that it's 3rd person because it's difficult to imagine the scene with no sight. Which is actually interesting for me to try and do. It feels weird, but I kinda like it.
I think it's a bit difficult because sound is stereoscopic to people with proper hearing. But it's presented as mono in your writing. Even a sighted person can generally judge distance of a sound. I'd say a blind person could judge it more accurately. Blind people tend to tilt their head to judge distance of a sound, until they are comfortable with the sound then they don't have to anymore.
Example: The sound her backpack makes when landing on the carpet is a muddled thump of a noise, books and stationary alike coming to an unexpected rest at ground level.
It's missing distance, and angle from Naofumi's head. The paragraph is also missing Naofumi's present location as a starting point so that we can locate the sound. I can't really get a context for location from that.
My version: As I sat cross legged in the middle of my bed, I hear the sound of her backpack as it lands on the carpet. It's about a meter and a half slightly left of center at ground level, books and stationary alike coming to an unexpected rest. Quite the muddled thump of a noise.
Imagining this, I can understand it with my eyes closed.
I also have a difficult time imagining her room in general, the way you described it makes it hard to figure out. There's no distance in the description. You'll have to write it more methodical, kind like how a blind person would learn about the room. Starting point -> direction from start -> distance to whatever. The new object becomes the new start point.
Example: From the Door frame I follow the wall to the right 2 slow steps encountering and object with only my foot. Bending down, I feel that it is a bed. It feels to be about a meter and a quarter wide and is butted against the wall I was following all the way to the corner. Well, atleast it's not in the middle of the room. Following the Bed... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 steps and it ends. That's about a 2 meters long. "Double size bed huh, Might as well be a kids bed," I sigh annoyed. Following the base of the bed back to the wall, I take another step and I reach a new corner. "Che.. what's the point of this spot" etc etc.
This way of writing helps orient a person better in 1st person. if that's your goal.
I personally am trying to imagine it as blind. Cause it seems more interesting that way. It tends to require more raw information than people like to present in their stories though, which makes it hard.
darkmelee wrote:3. do the original characters so far have any weight comparable to already established characters?
Naofumi fits well. It's too early to tell about the side characters, but then side characters tend to be glossed over until they are important. Being that it's a new meeting story so far that's fine. No one knows much about others they just met.
darkmelee wrote:4. have i treated the game's recurring characters properly? i should wait to ask this until i've introduced someone kenji, but i'm still curious.
Misha and Lily seem alright. Having excuses to have Misha away from Shizune was good thinking since she's kinda on a leash. This would be the time frame where Misha had straight brown hair and was still relatively new at signing right?
Remember that signing has some sound it it. The hand movements and gestures do make noise. It might sound rather odd to a blind person. Hand rubbing and taps in different locations would sound odd if you couldn't see it lol.
While you could describe the perceptions of a blind person that way, I do not believe it is neccessary.
The protagonist is racounting a story, so wy should she explain to the reader exactly where the backpack landed in relation to her. We can assume she got that information, but including it every time she gets audio input would make the story tedious to read.
No OOC moment worth noting for any characters so far.
Mirage_GSM wrote:While you could describe the perceptions of a blind person that way, I do not believe it is neccessary.
The protagonist is racounting a story, so wy should she explain to the reader exactly where the backpack landed in relation to her. We can assume she got that information, but including it every time she gets audio input would make the story tedious to read.
No OOC moment worth noting for any characters so far.
It is what it is to a blind person. It's not as easy as it is for a person with vision. If you're going for first person perspective, you'll want to be more detailed. If you're going third person, stick with visual info. ATM it looks like Darkmelee is trying for fist person, based on the writing. So I have to recommend more detail. It would illustrate Naofumi's perspective better.
Besides, I just gave most recent examples. If the room was properly described the first time, I'd know where the bookbag was if it was described as just "near the desk" or "center of the room". If there's a lot of time spent at a particular location it's worth describing in detail the first time, if it's for just a single scene, then it's better to stick with simple description.
To a person not wanting to try and get into it deep, it would be tiresome. But that doesn't matter does it? What are you trying to do with it specifically Darkmelee? I hear your questions, but I don't know your goal. If there is one beyond just a decent story that is. What kind of story, and how you present it are rather important to know, if you want better feedback to your questions. Are you going for wide appeal? Emotional connection? What perspective are you going for?
Writing from a "in the life of Naofumi" first person will look vastly different than "Follow the adventures of Naofumi" 3rd person. 3rd person you can get away with visual everything, in 1st person, you can't do visual anything.
Daitengu wrote:
Remember that signing has some sound it it. The hand movements and gestures do make noise. It might sound rather odd to a blind person. Hand rubbing and taps in different locations would sound odd if you couldn't see it lol.
that does get brought up when shizune and misha are together, though naofumi only encounters each her twice, i think, and once is merely in passing.
Daitengu wrote:
Emotional connection? What perspective are you going for?
at this point, it's merely about introducing both the lead and her issues with anxiety and her mental state, as well as establishing a small bit of her relationship with her stepmother in relation to her father, which hasn't been clarified yet (as i haven't even mentioned what's up with him). in terms of depth, i'm trying mostly to keep things approachable, since many readers in prose tend to add their own elements to a story, myself included, something like filling in the blanks. if a line says "We were able to outpace our aggressors by more than enough room to maneuver a counterattack,"; if that is the only line pertaining to this instance, i would imagine that a reader would have enough information to form their own interpretation of the scene, no matter the intimacy of the context. as i read text from KS itself, i would take the time to coordinate the voices, sound effects, actions and ambiance all into a very directed and almost cinematic level of immersion. even on lesser works, i will take my time and feel my way into it.
i'm avoiding dire specifics, as i am along the same opinion of mirage in that it could reach a tedium should i delve too much into measurements outside of common assumptions. some things will be stated, of course, though i need to read up on certain times involving the school and japanese scheduling in general, or else i might need to change some things for the sake of readability (though they might change regardless). she has good ears for music and tone, not necessarily for judging distance. things such as the exact location of the backpack, as your example earlier, would be something that would not be a necessity to know so long as it wouldn't be coming her direction or impeding any sort of motion on her part, and it's easy to brush aside as a passing moment in a line of other such events with little importance outside of simply happening, especially given that the personal interactions so far have a larger bearing on what actually happens, barring introspective bits here and there to keep the reader up to date on naofumi's inner thought processes. i would think that getting too technical could suck the humanity out of it, considering it would be natural enough for things to happen without a more literal mind, which she has only in the way of her existentialist approach to everything, not so much about dealing with commonplace happenings. literally, she does keep track of things in relation to each other, but it's more about feeling your way and remembering your orientation than counting steps.
counting steps isn't a good sign of proper O&M training. the goal is to always be able to adapt to the situation, though there is a part of it that involves getting to know your personal space which does not change as often. her old room, and home, was a place she could move around in with little to no trouble; some areas (like her room) without the wall, even without the need to measure her movements. similar to how following specific paths on campus involve remembering only intersections and branches, not necessarily exact meters; remembering that there is a turn one should take up ahead is information enough, and when the cane spots it (or another giveaway to its exact location, like trees that negate a breeze or shallow the sounds), it's a natural motion to proceed. in a personal space, with no need for a cane or a sense of progression, unless the room is enormous, thinking of things at or beyond arms-length is appropriate enough (similar to when she uses her arm to judge the distance between the bed and her luggage).
emotionally speaking, things are actually on course to happen that might get flustery later, might even make some people mad at naofumi. it isn't all about getting from point A to point B and calling it a story. this isn't all about a relationship, and it's also not just about naofumi getting over herself.
the goal of this story is to be something that i can read, myself, and still appreciate later on. if someone else takes some enjoyment from it, then that's a bonus for me, and it's also encouraging. later i will compile all of this and redo much of it into one piece of work, with all the changes and edits i would need to do to make it more presentable. then, idunno, it'll be something for someone to stumble upon and read over a weekend. it won't be throwaway, and the plot has yet to come into play, but so long as someone is interested, and so long as i can keep doing this, i will keep at it. hopefully, i can get the needed materials to make certain things work out well, to be memorable.
as to the questions i'm asking here, i'm just curious about how people interpret things differently when they read this, and thank you for doing so. this isn't me whining or anything, and i appreciate feedback and opinions.
darkmelee wrote:at this point, it's merely about introducing both the lead and her issues with anxiety and her mental state, as well as establishing a small bit of her relationship with her stepmother in relation to her father, which hasn't been clarified yet (as i haven't even mentioned what's up with him). in terms of depth, i'm trying mostly to keep things approachable, since many readers in prose tend to add their own elements to a story, myself included, something like filling in the blanks.
That's reasonable.
darkmelee wrote:i'm avoiding dire specifics, as i am along the same opinion of mirage in that it could reach a tedium should i delve too much into measurements outside of common assumptions. some things will be stated, of course, though i need to read up on certain times involving the school and japanese scheduling in general, or else i might need to change some things for the sake of readability (though they might change regardless).
With no descriptors the backpack could drop anywhere in the room. And I literally have no idea where it dropped, except somewhere on the carpet. I don't even know if it was put down next to Kayane, or she dropped it some distance from herself. I can assume she dropped it next to herself, but I don't know where she is in the room. I'm left confused. Schrödinger's backpack? Near the desk? center of the room? By the door? in front of the bed?
I wouldn't say you need to describe her walking places in such manner, or even class. Well, 'maybe' desk location(very story dependant), but not EVERYTHING needs in the class room needs to be mentioned. I don't need the layout of the Shanghai, but the booth, or table she sat at would be nice "Corner booth with a soft circular seat and table, that feels like it could fit 6" is enough . Her bedroom... We've been there for some time now, and could use a bit more definition. is the desk big, small, average? chair doesn't need describing beyond if it rolls or not.
Bad: "Upon reaching the Shaghai, Yuuko sat me and Mesha at the booth." "Misha says blah blah...." (this is bad cause Misha could be sitting next to me or in front of me) (what kind of booth?)
Good: "Upon reaching the Shanghai, Yuuko sat Misha and I at an unremarkable booth for four next to a window near the door. Talking across from me, Misha says "blah blah...."
darkmelee wrote: she has good ears for music and tone, not necessarily for judging distance. things such as the exact location of the backpack, as your example earlier, would be something that would not be a necessity to know so long as it wouldn't be coming her direction or impeding any sort of motion on her part, and it's easy to brush aside as a passing moment in a line of other such events with little importance outside of simply happening, especially given that the personal interactions so far have a larger bearing on what actually happens, barring introspective bits here and there to keep the reader up to date on naofumi's inner thought processes. i would think that getting too technical could suck the humanity out of it, considering it would be natural enough for things to happen without a more literal mind, which she has only in the way of her existentialist approach to everything, not so much about dealing with commonplace happenings. literally, she does keep track of things in relation to each other, but it's more about feeling your way and remembering your orientation than counting steps.
Oh stereoscopic hearing is like vision, just based on sound. It takes training for an average person to do, but I could see a blind person just picking up general distance rather easy. I'm not saying you have to express everything that way. No need for specifics like "3 meters to my left, on the ground". More words like close, far, distant, left, right, up, down with descriptors of slightly, very. would help alot with imagining location. If you're goin with no landmark descriptors, which defaults to the character's location. SO! Have a landmark reference, or add description.
Even I can pick up room size based on echo pitch. Not exact, but I can hear the difference between an average 10X10, and a small 5X6. a classroom size 50X50 sounds way different than a stadium seated 100X100. Not that I need the 10X10, just the words like "average sized ( type) room"
darkmelee wrote:counting steps isn't a good sign of proper O&M training. the goal is to always be able to adapt to the situation, though there is a part of it that involves getting to know your personal space which does not change as often. her old room, and home, was a place she could move around in with little to no trouble; some areas (like her room) without the wall, even without the need to measure her movements. similar to how following specific paths on campus involve remembering only intersections and branches, not necessarily exact meters; remembering that there is a turn one should take up ahead is information enough, and when the cane spots it (or another giveaway to its exact location, like trees that negate a breeze or shallow the sounds), it's a natural motion to proceed. in a personal space, with no need for a cane or a sense of progression, unless the room is enormous, thinking of things at or beyond arms-length is appropriate enough (similar to when she uses her arm to judge the distance between the bed and her luggage).
It was just an example. There's plenty ways to go about it. I didn't specifically mean you had to go into that much detail. "Feels like a double size bed" is plenty, though I have a hard time imagining her room with other objects cause desks, windows, vary in size. I can't actually image anything in her room other than the bed based on your description, much less it's size. Sometimes you write it and it sounds 10' square, and sometimes it sounds like 6'X8'. I get a bit disoriented.
If you described the desk as "So small that I could only do homework on it, but large enough to push a roller chair under it" I can image it being about 3'-4' wide, and a 2'-3' deep on my own without needing to be told it literally.
"A large sized corner desk that could fit a tower PC and decently large screen" would be bigger, and have a different shape.
darkmelee wrote:the goal of this story is to be something that i can read, myself, and still appreciate later on. if someone else takes some enjoyment from it, then that's a bonus for me, and it's also encouraging. later i will compile all of this and redo much of it into one piece of work, with all the changes and edits i would need to do to make it more presentable. then, idunno, it'll be something for someone to stumble upon and read over a weekend. it won't be throwaway, and the plot has yet to come into play, but so long as someone is interested, and so long as i can keep doing this, i will keep at it. hopefully, i can get the needed materials to make certain things work out well, to be memorable.
as to the questions i'm asking here, i'm just curious about how people interpret things differently when they read this, and thank you for doing so. this isn't me whining or anything, and i appreciate feedback and opinions.
this post got huge wtf.
aye, for fics, it's definitely best to just do it for self enjoyment. Though there are several that write them to just get better at writing in general. This forum in general give rather good feedback, some others...
I'm curious, are you going for 1st person or 3rd person(perspective) narration though?
It felt like you were tring for 1st person perspective in your first chapter, so I tended to stick to that perspective all the way though till I got confused in the description of Naofumi's room specifically. I was fine on the nurse's office, class room, and the cafeteria. For some reason I imagined the councilor's room as claustrophobic. I think it was because it only had a desk, and 3 or 4 chairs.
alright everyone. finished a lot of my side projects and ideas for now. i've had enough of a break from this and i should hope to start actually typing it all out in the next week or so, depending on how work does me on hours. unlike the first parts, i'm going to actually plot out certain events in full, since there will be a fair amount of time passing in the next chapter, and i don't want to skim over too much in an effort to reach the end of it.
still debating on music. might make it an afterward amendment, depending on if i can get some computer parts in on time.
like i've said, i won't start posting bits until i'm good and ready this time, as opposed to typing it all out in the matter of half-an-hour and then skimming over looking for red underlines in the text window for typos.
just know, that i'm getting to it any time now. might take a long while before i'm modestly satisfied with it, but i won't know til i make it.
Hey, I've been enjoying this story a lot, although the pace is rather slow. But then again, the wealth in details does make it easier to follow the train of thought of Naofumi; It's almost like you're going "stream of consciousness" here, which is very interesting! Also, there ware a few places where I think the choice of the words is a bit too sophisticated as compared to the mundaneness of the situation, unless Naofumi is the kind of person who likes to use complicated vocabulary?
As for your questions:
1. She's very believable as a character. However what made me feel like she was less than "real" was her past, she sounds like someone who has had too much bad luck to be believable. Blind, lost mother, father MIA, stepmother lost her child... it all seemed a bit too dramatical. Mind you, not that it doesn't happen sometimes that someone has this much bad luck, but still, it's rare enough to make it feel a bit exaggerated.
2. I imagine this in first person style, but, since I can see, I also imagine the sights that go with the sounds you describe. I can imagine the situations well due to your eye for detail.
3. Your original characters are interesting enough, and I feel they are on a par with KS characters, what with how much detail you put into describing them.
4. I think you got the original KS characters about right. No specific complaints there.
All in all I hope you're no put off by my comments. I think you're already quite a skilled writer, much better than I am now, and I think you should keep in mind the old adage "Pefection is the greatest enemy of good."
Kind Regards, B.
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Man, that was good read - telling story from perspective of blind person is certainly challenge. Results are really interesting. Shame this story appears dead.
Nice touches with things like "two blind persons discussing colors", BTW.
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I'm sorry if raising a post from the dead is frowned on around here, but I just wanted to say that I found the story telling from the perspective of a blind-person fascinating. I've tried writing a story from the blind perspective before, and while I think it was an ok attempt, I didnt like the end-result. Nao felt like an actual person, and not just a placeholder like you would read about in so many other fanfics elsewhere on the net. Excellent work.
Misha's comment about it being sticky, and Fumi's self-assessment "God I'm boring... and I'm squishy too." Are my favourite lines in the story. I found myself wondering how this would be translated into a VN... third person? Resort to visual ques so that you're not staring at a black screen? xD
In answer to the OP's questions:
1. I believe that she could be a real person, everything about her has emotional and realistic depth, even Kayani's brief segment in the last "chapter" made her feel like a real person.
2. I had mixed imaginings about what this was like. During some parts I was filling in the visual details based on the pictures from the game itself, at others I just had a "blank screen" in my imagination as I just let myself experience it from her perspective. Those time when I was seeing the setting and the girls, they had a realistic appearance, not the anime-style of the game.
3. I will say yes, and go so far as to say that I really like Kayani and Naofumi a lot more than I do the canon characters... probably because Fumi reminds me a lot of myself... and Kayani just seems like the type of bestfriend I always wished (and still wish) I had.
4. Yes, I feel like you have done an excellent job with consistency! I'm not sure if adding too many problems to Fumi's life is a bad thing storytelling-wise or not, but its still believable to me; as long as you don't add anything else (lol).
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