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I haven't ever watched the Disney version of Hunchback and had just recently finished the book written by Victor Hugo, so I wasn't aware that it featured a Quasimodo with full vision and hearing. It shouldn't come as a surprise when I think about it, though. I think one or more of the devs has expressed sentiments about how stupid it is that people with disabilities are looked down upon in real life and portrayed negatively (if at all) in most media. Some guys at Disney probably thought "We can't have a protagonist with disabilities! Take them out!"

Anyway, foolish of me to bring a book into what is clearly a movie discussion. I guess I put too much faith in Disney.

Quasimodo of the movie version is still an extremely deformed hunchbacked midget with giant tumors on his face and one arm significantly bigger than the other one. That's quite much for a disabled protagonist, especially for what is essentially a children's movie. The reason he wasn't made deaf is that the movie, unlike the book, is centered around him, as you probably know. He isn't just a main character, he is the main character. It is crucial for the (mostly quiet young) audience to be able to identify and sympathize with him fully. It was a matter of practicality, not unwillingness to have disabled heroes (indeed, one of the strongest themes of the movie is that for all of his hideousness and supposed disability, Quasimodo is just as good [and arguably better] a person than the handsome, powerful men around him).

You can say a lot of things about Disney and political incorrectness, but this, at least, isn't one of them.

Minister of Gloom wrote:Quasimodo of the movie version is still an extremely deformed hunchbacked midget with giant tumors on his face and one arm significantly bigger than the other one. [...] It is crucial for the audience to be able to identify and sympathize with him fully.

Am I missing something here?


Also

one of the strongest themes of the movie is that for all of his hideousness and supposed disability, Quasimodo is just as good [and arguably better] a person than the handsome, powerful men around him

one of the strongest themes of the movie is that for all of his hideousness and disability, Quasimodo is just as good [and arguably better] a person than the handsome, powerful men around him

Which if these sounds better to you?

Finally, I'm not sure that the audience being children should have anything to do with the presence of disabilities. Are disabilities (like the reproduction system) considered so taboo nowadays that people need to be "mature enough" before being introduced to them?

Look, as much as I'd love to continue this discussion, this is not the subject of the thread (while it is Disney related, it is specifically "Disney songs humorously rewritten to be about KS", not "Disney as it relates to KS). Feel free to open one about disabled protagonists in children's movies, though, it might lead to some interesting arguments.

I'll return to this thread once I've finished writing my piece, should I ever finish writing my piece.

[Inspired by Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas, directed by Henry Selick. Original song "This is Halloween" found here: I'm all open for suggestions to make it rhyme better.]

THIS IS YAMAKU

PROLOGUE
'Twas not too long ago, shorter now than it seems
In a place that perhaps you have seen in your dreams
For the story that you are about to hear
Took place in a school, that sounds rather queer
Now, you've probably wondered if cripples can find love
If you haven't, I'd say it's something you should start thinking of...

CHORUS OF YAMAKU STUDENTS:
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?
Come with us and you will view
This our school of Yamaku

This is Yamaku
This is Yamaku
Cripples scream in the dead of night

This is Yamaku
Everybody act all blue
Treat or
Till the neighbors' gonna die of fright
It's our school, everybody scream
In this school of Yamaku

SHIZUNE (SIGNING THROUGH MISHA)
I am the one who cannot hear
Nothing but hollowness in my ears!

KENJI
Legally blind, I stop and stare
Feminists are haunting us everywhere!

STUDENTS
This is Yamaku
This is Yamaku
Yamaku!
Yamaku!
Yamaku!
In this school, we call home
Everyone hail to the cripple song

NURSE
In this school, so cool is it now
Everybody's waiting for the next surprise!

STUDENTS
Round that corner, Rin hiding in the trash bin
She's just waiting now to pounce, and how you'll...

RIN
Scream! This is Yamaku

TAKASHI
Black of hue

RIN
And Prussian blue.

TAKASHI
Aren't you scared?

LILLY
Well, that's just fine
Say it once, say it twice
Take a chance and roll the dice
Ride with the blind in the dead of night

TARO (Being attended to by a nursing staff.)
Everybody scream, everybody SCREAM!

STAFF
In our school of Yamaku!

HANAKO
I am the girl with the burned-away face
Here in a flash and gone without a trace

YUUKO
I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?"
I'll find any books you need with care.

EMI
I am the phantom limb you feel at night
Filling your sleep to the brim with fright

STUDENT CHORUS
This is Yamaku, this is Yamaku
Yamaku! Yamaku! Yamaku! Yamaku!

MIKI
With tenderness, treated we are
Life's no fun without a good scar

MUTOU
That's our job, but we're not cruel
In our school of Yamaku

STUDENTS
In this school...

NURSE
Isn't it cool how
Everyone's waiting for the next surprise!

STUDENTS
Skeleton Hisao might catch you in the back now
And scream like a banshee
Make you jump out of your skin
This is Yamaku, everybody scream

TARO & STAFF
Won't ya please make way for a very special guy

STUDENT CHORUS
Our Hisao is King of the Cripples now
Everyone hail to the Cripple King now!

EVERYONE
This is Yamaku, this is Yamaku
Yamaku! Yamaku! Yamaku! Yamaku!

MIKI
In this school we call home
Everyone hail to the cripple song!

EVERYONE
La, la, la, (Yamaku! Yamaku!)
La-la-la, la, la (Yamaku! Yamaku!)
La-la-la, la, la, (Yamaku! Yamaku!)
La-la-la, la-la-la, yeah!

You could say that I've been... "busy", as of late (and you wouldn't be wrong at all!). still, I kept writing the occasional song, and of those, one in a bunch fit just fine in here.
It may not be a Disney film, but, seeing as the last post has been about a song from "The Nightmare Before Christmas", I thought nobody would mind.

I watched "Corpse Bride" a couple days ago (trust Tim Burton to turn a piece of Ashkenazi folklore into such a delightful little cartoon!), and came up with this idea here...

Tears To Shed

[While Hisao and Lilly are having their fun together, Hanako sits at the library, sulking. Suddenly, her two new friends appear to cheer her up...]

Hanako (looking gloomier than usual):
I know I should be happy for her, but...

Naomi:
What's the matter?

Hanako:
...M-maybe it's for the best, you know? Maybe I shouldn't...

Natsume:
Oh! Don't say such things! It's only his loss if he picked her instead of you.

Hanako:
But what can I say? She really is the better choice, isn't she? With her feminine charm and "Healthy Adolescent Sex Drive"...

Naomi:
Come on, the entire school is filled with girls like this. You are far more unique! You have... Well... You have a wonderful personality!

Hanako
[facepalms]

Natsume:
What does that Satou girl have for her aside her looks?

Naomi:
What does she have in her beneath her gentle, queenly smile?

Hanako:
...how about a skin?

Natsume:
Overrated by a mile!

Naomi:
Overbearing!

Natsume:
Overblown!

Naomi and Natume:
If he only knew the you that we know...

Hanako:
[pouts]

Natsume:
A girl like her could never understand his loneliness

Naomi:
Or read with him

Natsume:
Or sympathize...

Naomi:
Or even play chess!

Naomi and Natume:
An elegant doll with noting but grace

Hanako:
But still, she has a face...

Naomi:
A mere coincidence

Natsume:
Unimportant!

Naomi:
Overrated!

Natsume:
Overblown!

Naomi and Natsume:
If only he could see how special you can be! If he only knew the you that we know...

Hanako:
W-when I try to speak to people I can barely form words
and I just can't help but cower whenever they come close
Meanwhile, she is so refined
and polite, and confident
How can I compare as just some shrinking violet?
He probably saw just another moe to defend
And now he's with her, and all I have is tears to shed

Natsume:
Yes, she's nice and all
But really, putting look aside

Naomi:
She has so very little in her, that you just tend to hide

Hanako:
B-but she's full of self-esteem!

Natsume:
Who cares?

Naomi:
Unimportant!

Natsume:
Overrated!

Naomi:
Overblown!

Naomi and Natsume:
If only he could see how special you can be! If he only knew the you that we know...

Hanako:
If he ever tries to kiss me, I will faint for sure
He was right to go with her! I'm just being selfish, I'll endure...
I'm just jealous, and you know?
It's funny that although I am burnt to crisp
And all my loved once are long dead
For such a petty ugly reason
I still feel like I have left some tears to shed...

.................................

Don't give me that look, it was so late at night when I wrote this it couldn't even be called night anymore. The basic idea sounded good, so I just rolled with what I had.

And yes, I know the topic's been dead for months. It's a song from a movie about ghosts, alright? It fits!

Friends on the Other Side

Can I try? I Heart Hanako, so don’t be angry, please.
I miss my sanity…

Hanako and Lilly are speaking to Rin in the art room. Her paintings are the background vocalists.

Hanako: this g-girl is obviously a ch-charlatan, l-let’s look somewhere else.

Rin:

Don’t you disrespect me, bacon-girl
Don’t you derogate, or deride
You’re in my world now, not your world
And I’ve got friends on the other side
(She’s got friends on the other side)

That's an echo ladies, just a little something we have here in Yamaku, a little parlor trick. Don't worry.

Sit down by my easel
Put your mind at ease
If you relax it will enable me to do anything I please
I can read your future
I can change it 'round some too
I look deep into your heart and soul
(You do have a soul, don't you Hanako?)
Make your wildest dreams come true
I got voodoo, I got hoodoo, I got things I ain't even tried
And I've got friends on the other side
(She's got friends on the other side)

The paint, the paint, the paint cans will tell
The past, the present, and the future as well
The paint, the paint, just take three
Take a little trip into your future with me

(Rin uses her feet to swirl patterns and shapes onto the easel that form her statements.)

Now you young lady are from across the sea
(Sort of)
You come from a nice long line of big money
(I come from money myself on my mother’s side)
Your lifestyle's high
But your funds are low
You need to marry a sugar daddy who's got tons of dough

(Mom and dad cut you off, huh Blondie?)

Lily nods politely.

(Now you'll never get hitched
But hitchin' ties you down
You just wanna be free; hop from place to place
But freedom takes green)

It's the green, it's the green, it's the green you need
And when I look into the future it's the green that I see

On you bacon-girl I don't wanna waste much time
You've been pushed around like my paint can
You've been pushed 'round by the orphanage, by Shizune, and by the government
And if you was married, you'd be pushed 'round by your man
But in your future the you I see
Is exactly the girl you always wanted to be

Shake my feet, c'mon girls, won't you shake a poor painter's feet?

(Lilly and Hanako reluctantly shake Rin’s feet)

Yes!

Are you ready?
(Are you ready?)
Are you ready?
(Are you ready?)
Transformation central.
(Transformation central.)
Transformation central.
(Transformation central.)
Transmodification central.

(Rin throws a can of green paint onto Lilly.)

Can you feel it?
You're changing, you're changing, you're changing all right
I hope you're satisfied
But if you ain't don't blame me
You can blame my friends on the other side
(You got what you wanted, but you lost what you had)

Eh I didn't edit it much. Lyrics aren't really my niche. Maybe someone else can do better. Inspired by Rikabro's Rika Route.

Rika:
I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, Hisao, how long have
You been enslaved by your heart?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
The school's rooftop's just the start.

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're nearly dying.

Hisao:
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way out here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
(Rika: Now I'm in a whole new world with you.)

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feelings
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky.

A whole new world
(Rika: Don't you dare close your eyes)
A hundred thousand things to see
(Rika: Hold your breath - it gets better)
We've seen each other's scars,
We've come so far,
We can't go back to where we used to be.

Rika:
A whole new world
(Hisao: Every day a surprise)
With new excitement to pursue
(Hisao: Every moment gets better)

Both:
I'll chase them anywhere
No time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you.

Rika:
A whole new world
(Hisao: A whole new world)
That's where we'll be
(Hisao: That's where we'll be)
A thrilling chase
(Hisao: A wondrous place)

Both:
For you and me.

You just won the internet!

Inspired by a recent xkcd strip...
I'm sure you recognize the song it is suppsed to be sung to without my help - it is quite distinctive...

While Kenji’s eyesight’s pretty bad he still sees more than other men,
And Lilly cannot see at all but gets to play the mother hen.
Ritsu had to give up her drums – so what there’s still the saxophone.
If Hanako would get a grip she’d hardly ever be alone.
My heart goes crazy all the time, I must not climb or run or fall.
For fear that should it take a hit, quite soon it mightn’t beat at all.
While other’s lots might seem quite bad, it’s obvious that you can tell,
That my condition is the worst, Arrhythmia’s unbearable.

Of Misha I don’t even know; it’s probably some minor thing.
IfMiki learns to write with right, she’ll just have problems with her rings.
Shizune’s deafness is a joke, though sign language looks quite bizarre.
If Rin had hands, nobody’d see how special all her paintings are.
So Emi might have lost her legs, she doesn’t mind in any way.
Suzuki’s problem is a blast, she gets to nap ten times a day.
They’re all living a happy life, and as you see they are quite well,
But my condition is the worst, Arrhythmia’s unbearable.

...

Well... Not my best shot at rhyming, but I hope you enjoy anyway

Mirage_GSM wrote:Inspired by a recent xkcd strip...
I'm sure you recognize the song it is suppsed to be sung to without my help - it is quite distinctive...

Because of TV, that conjured up alternating images of Jon Cryer and Mr. Ray singing. Not sure if want. Either way, excellent job on the rhyming, although my current level of Disney knowledge suggests that song was never in one of their films. That said, I can't think of anywhere else one would put that, so I guess here it stays. Well done.
Cheers, BlackWaltz.

Well, it doesn't say anywhere that only Disney is allowed...
That and I didn't think this was worth its own thread.

I wonder if I would have figured out which song to use if you hadn't mentioned XKCD…

Come on, how many songs are there with sixteen syllables per line?

Besides, there are so many parodies of it... (My favourite is the "Scientist Salarian" from ME2.)

Grand Haberdasher wrote:

Minister of Gloom wrote:Also, not very good.

LIES.

Anywho, here's another Kenji villain song:
(Continued...)

This. I love this. So much.

Minister of Gloom wrote:I tried and I tried and I was about to give up when it came to me that perhaps it would be far easier to tailor this song to another girl.
So, here's the Shizune Hakamichi version of "I'll Make a Man out of You", as she sings it to Hisao (or any other boy, really). This girl has some fucking standards, and she ain't gonna fall for no puny loser guy.

(Continued...)

Aww, you beat me to it. And yours is way better