Katawa Shoujo Forums

Fuck, yeah! Miss Yumi!

A lot of great stuff in this update! I can see why you were excited about this update. It lays down a very solid foundation -- a very nice consolidation of what's gone before with hints of what's to come. I can very much appreciate that!

I'm not sure why the idea of having a shuttle that takes students to town never occurred to me, but it's logical. Mr. Ufu seems like an interesting chap as well, and it would be cool to see more of him (which I'm guessing we will) .

Iwanako wrote:“Oh, of course. That,” I say, punctuating my inattentiveness with a simpering, self-deprecating rap against the forehead.

Hmmm...perhaps not the wisest thing to do when recovering from a concussion .

The scene with Iwanako and Nurse was excellent! That was the highlight of the update for me. Very well written, and very realistic, especially given her earlier encounters with him. The one with Rin was good, too, although there were times you might have gone a little overboard with her literal-interpretation-ality.

Momomi wrote:I just call her Seaweed.

*laughs* She would, wouldn't she? I can only imagine, if it wasn't as playful as I interpreted it to be, what she'd make Momomi look like after one of those sessions (ETA,A,SM: Although, come to think of it, would calling her "Law" be any better?). Strangely (or maybe not, considering), I'm getting the impression they have a fair amount in common. Loved Iwanako's description of Momomi's outfit here, too. If I'm not mistaken, there's a clue to be had there, one of many in that scene. "Tantalizing" might be the word, I think . (ETA: The scene, that is, not the outfit...because gah.)

ETA,A: And because I thought I'd said it, but didn't...I'm deeply honored by this.

No real issues, but there was a light summer shower of missing spaces:

Nurse in Scene Fifteen wrote:“Where isyour mother, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Iwanako, also in Scene Fifteen wrote:“You don’t—you’re not trying to suggest I have an eating disorder,are you?”

Momomi, in Scene Seventeen wrote:You do this thingwhenever you’re speaking

Looking forward to the next update!

Yay, it's here! Homework today and a busy weekend scheduled have made this not the most convenient time for this to drop for me, but that's overpowered by my joy at having it!

…Have you rewritten the last chapter a bit? I'm following your advice, and I'm glad I did; I don't remember many of these details.

"Before my hospitalization, if I picked up a book, it was generally nonfiction."
I know that there are people like this, but, as someone raised on a steady diet of science fiction and fantasy, this still boggles my mind whenever I come across a mention of it.

And there's the previous chapter reread. Quiet enjoyable, even the second time. :)
Now, onward to the completely new content!

I have a friend who started referring to songbirds as "noisebirds" after they kept waking him up.

"because there’s only so much playing with your hair you can do before you start looking like you belong in an interstellar senate"
:D

"“…Youlookreallynice, Iwacchan,” she finally finishes, her cheeks rosy from… shame, embarrassment; I’m not too clear."
…Oh dear. :D

Bit of a mystery here…

"Her office is a few floors up from here."
Hm. For some reason I was under the impression that this was a one-story building.

That could have gone better. Still, if the characters had no problems, this would probably be a much less interesting story.

Aaaand there's the meeting with Rin. Is it weird if something expected to be weird is weird? Because, if it's going as expected, it's sort of not weird, but since it's by definition weird otherwise…
…That sounds like something Rin might say, actually. Maybe she rubbed off on me a bit here.

"“[i[Kyahahaha![/i]”"
Typo: the second bracket on the opening tag is backwards

And… sigh… There's the end of the posted chapters…
…I mean, there's a bus I ought to be heading out to catch, anyway, and I've more stuff scheduled for tonight and then an alarm set for an appointment tomorrow… but it's still saddening that I've reached this end. Ah well. The quality of your writing has certainly not declined during the hiatus, though!

Saw you had updated and I actually squealed with delight. Even more so at the shear volume of the content. Lovin' it.

Excellent update!

Leaty wrote:“Fine, I suppose. Nothing to write home about.”

His smile seems to falter for the briefest fraction of a second, but then it returns so quickly I barely even notice it happened.

Sorry, Iwanako, it would've helped if you didn't turn his possible future stepdaughter into a smoking crater. Even if she completely deserved it.

In any case, it being Miss Yumi that Nurse referred Iwanako to gives an opening here for Hanako to convince Iwanako to go into therapy... and also bond with her.

Leaty wrote:Is… is this real life?

Well, that'd be one hell of a shitty fantasy... but Iwanako is caught in a landslide.

So I reread it all, and it was awesome. Thank you. I'm not good at the commenting, so here's some nitpicking instead:

Scene Four wrote:Ah, and it looks like you needed a neurothekioma removed, too.

Neurothekeoma.

Sorry, there aren't a lot of nits to pick. Oh wait, the title! {[UPDATED 2014-9-5!]} Syntax error, brace mismatch.

Cruelty is making someone read tens of thousands of words early in the morning when there's a lot of work on the back burner. The compensatory kindness is to make what was good beautiful—and what was appealing, magnetic. I found Iwanako's stay in hospital to be the catalytic transformation so beloved of alchemists, with that unpredictability of outcomes so beloved by those who say the only constant is change. But her interactions with Mr Ufu and Shizune/Misha, Rin, Nurse, Momomi (and Susano'o)—more unexpected moments with mysteriously gleaming glints just barely lighting the way ahead—were just as affecting to me. I think you've just converted me from fan to dedicated fan. Thank you very much.

Also, the sentence right before the neurothekeoma one (d'oh!) starts with a lowercase letter. Now going over the whole scene with a fine-toothed comb because I shudder to think what I'll miss next. (First check: good, I didn't misspell my own username when I registered to this forum.)

Still Scene 4 wrote:The Head Nurse grins, and it’s so mirthful that a part of me wonders if I’m at the right school, after all.

The comma before "after all" feels wrong to me.

The recently-laundered school uniform I’d never wear again.

Wouldn't they have laundered it four months ago? Or is she thinking "recently-as-of-February"?

I’ve understood since long time ago I was not my parents’ favorite child, but as long as they held any affection for me at all, I never felt any envy or resentment.

Should be either "a long time ago" or just "long ago", I think.

I smile again and disembark from the bed, drifting towards the bathroom like a dislodged cobweb.

Laughed at this.

I really have to stop checking the forums just before I plan on going to bed. It's four in the morning now, and I'm glad I can sleep in tomo... today.

There’s only so much recycled air one can breathe before they start desiccating like they drank out of the wrong grail.

She really does love her movies, doesn't she? Have a look at the use of one/they here. Something is weird about that.

When I get closed to the dorm building

My favourite scene in this update was Rin's, but a well written Rin scene has that effect on me most of the time.
I'm still not sure what to think of Momomi. I'm still on the fence on whether or not to like her - as a character that is. In RL I probably would avoid someone like her as much as possible - even more than Shizune.
Speaking of whom... I don't think it's too surprising that Misha didn't want to translate Shizune's badmouthing of Emi - if there's not another hidden reason for that.

I just call her Seaweed.

*laughs* She would, wouldn't she?

Her friends might actually call her that themselves. "Nori" is an acceptable short form of "Noriko"...
I think, usually the name Noriko would be written with the Kanji for "scripture" : 典子, but using the Kanji for "seaweed": 海藻子 would probably also be possible.
So calling her "Nori" a listener wouldn't be able to tell if Momomi meant to call her "seaweed", "scripture" or, for that matter, "glue"

Though I'd like to join the choir telling you that this is my favourite fic up here, it's pretty much head to head with "Developments" for me. I'm going to withhold final judgement until both stories are finished.

...and now it's half past four. ^^°

Hey, she's back! And referencing Star Wars and Indiana Jones, to boot!

Even the birds have started to clam down now that it’s midday.

I assume that was supposed to be "calm" down. (I knew you could clam up, I didn't know you could clam down.)

Yumi Takawa, MD

Excuse me while I belie my age and sex by squeeing like a schoolgirl. My favorite OC! (And one who's now shown up in works by three different authors, now. Can we just declare her canon?)

...what appears to be some kind of neo-surrealist abortion in progress.

BWAHAHAHAAA! Best description of Rin's art style I've ever seen.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own worries and struggles that I forget that there are some really strange people attending this school.

She doesn't know the half of it, does she? Actually, I love your Rin. You really captured that sense of, "there's a logic to what she's saying, it's just not the logic anyone else uses."

...that British supermodel from the sixties...

Okay, never thought I'd see somebody reference freakin' Twiggy in a KS fanfic. (But really, Rin's bustier than Twiggy. It's her lack of arms that make her look skinny.)

It should be total nonsense, but what she’s describing almost makes sense in this kind of unintentionally allegorical way.

Like I said, "logic, just not anyone else's logic."

...all I want to do is lie down and listen to a smooth jazz album or something.
…I don’t even like smooth jazz...

"To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in 3...2...1..." (One of my favorite lines from Portal 2. Had to use it.)

Really like the Momomi chapter. She may have some rough edges, but she comes across as good people. At the very least, she realizes when her sense of humor has gone too far, which is more than the canonical visually-impaired hallmate would ever do. And there's this:

Clash of the She-Hobbits

I would totally watch that movie.

Love Shizune's note. I love it when people remember that for all that she rubs some people the wrong way, she does care about people, and enjoys making friends. And yeah, why did Misha not want to translate that? Considering some of the things she was willing to translate...

emmjay wrote:Considering some of the things she was willing to translate...

There are some headcanons in which Misha and Emi are friends, off-screen... (And, actually, it is implied some by Instant Replay...)

(deadfic)

Leaty wrote:

bhtooefr wrote:In any case, it being Miss Yumi that Nurse referred Iwanako to gives an opening here for Hanako to convince Iwanako to go into therapy... and also bond with her.

Eh, you think? I'd imagine Hanako knowing that her friend went to the same therapist as her would be a little weird.

It would be, but on the flip side, Hanako's got personal experience with that particular therapist, and may be able to convince Iwanako on those grounds.

(It's rather unlikely, but...)

Well, that was a huge update. Well worth the wait.

You have a real skill in having a sympathetic point of view that we can still see the bias to. Presenting a story where we can sift though the point of view, while also getting hints on 'what is really going on' is very good. Almost all the things Iwanako says or thinks are true, just presented in a way that shifts it in one way or another, while we can still see how she's taking things. That's good economy with words.

Good spread of characters too, even ones off screen have their characters developed. That bit with Lilly passing on a false 'hello' is the sort of mothering hen thing she would do to encourage Iwanako, while it's true that Momomi would want it to be personal and not passed through someone else. Lilly wants to be polite and supportive, Momomi wants to be bluntly honest. Momomi does in fact have some tact, but she isn't going to let you just ignore things.

Really liked Iwanako's whole internal "How dare he!" with the nurse. Some people are just like that, and it didn't get too over the top.

“Anyway, yes. Maturity,” she purrs, pointing her finger in the air for emphasis. “Given enough time and dedication, a lover can learn most other things needed to sustain a relationship, but maturity is the one quality that they need to start out having. Because frankly, I shouldn’t have to date a fixer-upper and wait around long enough for him to figure out he’s being a puerile jackass. If he ever does. I deserve better.”

Good Advice. (I remember an old saying that goes something like that a woman will marry a man thinking he'll change, and a man will marry a woman thinking she won't change -- then he doesn't and she does...)

As far as the Iwanako's role in story so far: I wonder if she's in the KS Fanfiction "Green Room" at the moment comparing notes with Developments!Hanako about having allergic reactions to well-intentioned advice. The girl really does need to open up to somebody about the metric ton of barn sludge that has been dumped upon her in the last few months of her life. (However, if one were to compile a list of the ten worst ways of convincing Iwanako of that, I would have put a lecture from Nurse at the top of that list even before I had read that passage.)

On a brighter note, at least there is hope that somebody may be able to fill the role of confidant: Hanako, Lily, and Momomi (in her own way) are possibilities. Shizune, maybe -- Misha Mysteries notwithstanding. Hey, she could even give Rin a shot -- if she wanted to challenge her sanity again. (BTW, another excellent Rinterpretation.)

As far as the story as a whole: I consider Mean Time To Breakdown, Developments and Sisterhood to be the three best KS fanfics on the Internet (with After the Dream earning an honorable mention). So, It goes without saying that I loved the update -- except that I just said it.