Katawa Shoujo Forums

Total Destruction wrote: This is one of the worst spots to be in, man. I feel you on this. And I'm starting to think that the best way to handle it is just like everyone in KS told Hisao to handle it. Space, man. Sometimes people just need some breathing room to sort things out and really evaluate just what and how much they wanna put out there, and repeatedly forcing 'em to's just gonna make 'em clam up even further and bail. And some people, at risk of sounding like an insensitive prick, NEED to fail in order to learn just how alone and vulnerable they really are.

There's no pretty, fairy-tale way of tackling this, boss. It's either confront her head-on and risk alienating her forever, or LET her screw up and pray that she learns how self-destructive her distancing is... rand hope she doesn't just keep the pattern going, you dig?

Yeesh. Best of luck to ya, yeah?

I've tried giving her space, but she doesn't seem to care. She just hangs out around other people and be done with it...I think she does that to avoid concentrating on herself and her issues, but it's just a theory of mine. Like Emi, she knows lots of people but doesn't have many close friends.

I'm afraid that I'll have to let her screw up and pray that she learns something from it. I've tried confronting her, but I got something more like Emi's Bad Ending - she ignored me until I had the patience for her again.

Thanks for the advice =) Best wishes to you, and I hope you're able to kick your last vice!

Aili, From what I read, I think you love this girl. Or at least like her very much. You're worried more about her than a friend would be. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But you need to be honest to yourself and soon enough to her about your feelings.

As for her problems... some people just don' t want to deal with what bothers them because even just remembering it is too painful. If that's the case, then maybe you should stop trying to fix her and start trying to make her enjoy your company as much as you enjoy hers. Be there for her by listening to her when she needs it, and doing what you can if she asks so, but for the rest focus on both of you having a good time together. Like that, you can grow closer step by step and she may end up opening up more to you.

Kind Regards,

B.

Beoran wrote:Aili, From what I read, I think you love this girl. Or at least like her very much. You're worried more about her than a friend would be. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But you need to be honest to yourself and soon enough to her about your feelings.

As for her problems... some people just don' t want to deal with what bothers them because even just remembering it is too painful. If that's the case, then maybe you should stop trying to fix her and start trying to make her enjoy your company as much as you enjoy hers. Be there for her by listening to her when she needs it, and doing what you can if she asks so, but for the rest focus on both of you having a good time together. Like that, you can grow closer step by step and she may end up opening up more to you.

Kind Regards,

B.

I'm pretty sure I don't love her in that way. I'm a girl, I have a serious relationship with a boy and I don't think I've ever felt that kind of love towards her. I have to admit I care a lot for her, though.

I've never been the White Knight for her, or at least I've never tried to - I seriously dislike them. What you told me is what I've been doing for these last years, but she seems to be doing worse. I don't mind if she doesn't tell me what's bothering here, I just want to be there for her when she needs me...to stand by her side.

But this time, she's expecting me to do something about it when I have no idea what's going on. I usually can tell when something bothers her and try to remind her that I'm here if she needs me, but this time I just don't know.

As I've said, I've tried confronting her about it, but she ignores me and shrugs until I'm over it. She has the bad tendency of treating people like toys - something she can pick up when she's bored and something she can throw away just like that. That's one of the reasons she doesn't have many close friends; people get mad at her for doing that, and lose their patience with her.

Thanks for the advice, though, I'll certainly have to stand by her side as long as she wants me to =)

Due to Circumstances, I will be giving out badges to anyone in this thread who wants one.
The badges are like this:

You can put whatever image you like on them, though.

Badges seem kind of... insubstantial. I have considered giving out something more interesting, such as glassware. However, it would be unfeasible to offer this to everyone who wanted one. I would only be able to give them to a few people. And it is also difficult to designate some people as more "worthy" of receiving such things. Even a lottery might be unpopular. So, badges are what I can produce in mass quantities with little trouble.

So, anyone want one?

Aili wrote:As I've said, I've tried confronting her about it, but she ignores me and shrugs until I'm over it. She has the bad tendency of treating people like toys - something she can pick up when she's bored and something she can throw away just like that. That's one of the reasons she doesn't have many close friends; people get mad at her for doing that, and lose their patience with her.

If you cannot confront her about her problems, you should at least remind her that people are NOT toys... especially if she is treating you this way. You need to remind her that you two are supposed to be friends, not some awkward people trying to communicate but can't because one side is completely inanimate with the conversation and/or help. Someone else you know has to realize this, aswell. Why not bring him/her aswell? This friend of yourss needs help in the long-run I'm sure...

She is obviously losing friends and close ones with what she is doing. Since you really seem to care for her you need to stop her self-destructing, or at least suppress it as much as YOU can as a friend.

Camoufrage wrote:

Aili wrote:As I've said, I've tried confronting her about it, but she ignores me and shrugs until I'm over it. She has the bad tendency of treating people like toys - something she can pick up when she's bored and something she can throw away just like that. That's one of the reasons she doesn't have many close friends; people get mad at her for doing that, and lose their patience with her.

If you cannot confront her about her problems, you should at least remind her that people are NOT toys... especially if she is treating you this way. You need to remind her that you two are supposed to be friends, not some awkward people trying to communicate but can't because one side is completely inanimate with the conversation and/or help. Someone else you know has to realize this, aswell. Why not bring him/her aswell? This friend of yourss needs help in the long-run I'm sure...

She is obviously losing friends and close ones with what she is doing. Since you really seem to care for her you need to stop her self-destructing, or at least suppress it as much as YOU can as a friend.

I had someone with me a few months ago, someone who also wanted to help her. My friend (she) ended up hating him badly, because he tried to make her tell him stuff that she wasn't ready to say yet.
She used to go to a psychologist last year, but she hated it and convinced her mother to never let her go to one again.

I try to remind her a lot that people aren't toys, my biggest ''proof'' to her being: ''If I were just a toy, and you just threw me away like that...then why would I be here again? Because I'm not a toy, I'm someone that cares, and because I want to stand by your side whenever you need me.'' (In other words, something like what Hisao said to Emi in her good ending. However, instead of a hug and a good relationship, I got a nod, and a smile. That's enough for me =) ) Now, I wonder how I can help out in making her realize that other people aren't toys either.

It seems as if though I'll have to let her screw up and hope that she learns from it, but I'm afraid that when that happens, she'll be in another city (she's moving out next year), and I won't be there for her physically when she could use a hug or something.

EDIT:

Hakeuncutroil, I'd love to have a badge like that - one with Hanako, like the one you have in that picture.

(Also, I showed the cutscenes of Katawa Shoujo to her, and she said she liked Emi the most. Ironic, isn't it?)

Aili wrote:

Camoufrage wrote:

Aili wrote:As I've said, I've tried confronting her about it, but she ignores me and shrugs until I'm over it. She has the bad tendency of treating people like toys - something she can pick up when she's bored and something she can throw away just like that. That's one of the reasons she doesn't have many close friends; people get mad at her for doing that, and lose their patience with her.

If you cannot confront her about her problems, you should at least remind her that people are NOT toys... especially if she is treating you this way. You need to remind her that you two are supposed to be friends, not some awkward people trying to communicate but can't because one side is completely inanimate with the conversation and/or help. Someone else you know has to realize this, aswell. Why not bring him/her aswell? This friend of yourss needs help in the long-run I'm sure...

She is obviously losing friends and close ones with what she is doing. Since you really seem to care for her you need to stop her self-destructing, or at least suppress it as much as YOU can as a friend.

I had someone with me a few months ago, someone who also wanted to help her. My friend (she) ended up hating him badly, because he tried to make her tell him stuff that she wasn't ready to say yet.
She used to go to a psychologist last year, but she hated it and convinced her mother to never let her go to one again.

I try to remind her a lot that people aren't toys, my biggest ''proof'' to her being: ''If I were just a toy, and you just threw me away like that...then why would I be here again? Because I'm not a toy, I'm someone that cares, and because I want to stand by your side whenever you need me.'' (In other words, something like what Hisao said to Emi in her good ending. However, instead of a hug and a good relationship, I got a nod, and a smile. That's enough for me =) ) Now, I wonder how I can help out in making her realize that other people aren't toys either.

It seems as if though I'll have to let her screw up and hope that she learns from it, but I'm afraid that when that happens, she'll be in another city (she's moving out next year), and I won't be there for her physically when she could use a hug or something.

This sounds awful, I know, but you really need to start maybe worrying about yourself a little bit more. There is a point where you just can't help, and when you cross that point there is no returning. I really do hate to say it, as I know you care about this person, but at some point you just have to realize that people arent always gonna change. Even if it is for the best FOR THEM. A person can never change unless they have the will to... take addicts for example. You can take a drug addict to rehab they wont stop doing what they are doing unless THEY are willing to change. If they arent, you have to draw the line... period. By this I mean with your friend, you have to make sure she KNOWS that you are being hurt by this just the same as she is.If she doesnt react at all to the fact that this is hurting you, then she cant really be much of a friend in the end...

I feel harsh, and that was a sort of random tangent, but I want to help you out. Sitting here trying to change her and fix her is going to get you nowhere. The only person that can fix her is herself, and she needs to have to will and want to be fixed.

Camoufrage wrote: This sounds awful, I know, but you really need to start maybe worrying about yourself a little bit more. There is a point where you just can't help, and when you cross that point there is no returning. I really do hate to say it, as I know you care about this person, but at some point you just have to realize that people arent always gonna change. Even if it is for the best FOR THEM. A person can never change unless they have the will to... take addicts for example. You can take a drug addict to rehab they wont stop doing what they are doing unless THEY are willing to change. If they arent, you have to draw the line... period. By this I mean with your friend, you have to make sure she KNOWS that you are being hurt by this just the same as she is.If she doesnt react at all to the fact that this is hurting you, then she cant really be much of a friend in the end...

I feel harsh, and that was a sort of random tangent, but I want to help you out. Sitting here trying to change her and fix her is going to get you nowhere. The only person that can fix her is herself, and she needs to have to will and want to be fixed.

It's not awful, I guess it's the truth...

I want to be there for her, but you're right in that she hasn't done anything to change her behavior. That's...rather sad...but don't worry, I'm glad you pointed that one out for me.

I'll see her tomorrow, and try to talk to her about this. I can only hope that she doesn't ignore me like last time.

Aili wrote:

Camoufrage wrote: This sounds awful, I know, but you really need to start maybe worrying about yourself a little bit more. There is a point where you just can't help, and when you cross that point there is no returning. I really do hate to say it, as I know you care about this person, but at some point you just have to realize that people arent always gonna change. Even if it is for the best FOR THEM. A person can never change unless they have the will to... take addicts for example. You can take a drug addict to rehab they wont stop doing what they are doing unless THEY are willing to change. If they arent, you have to draw the line... period. By this I mean with your friend, you have to make sure she KNOWS that you are being hurt by this just the same as she is.If she doesnt react at all to the fact that this is hurting you, then she cant really be much of a friend in the end...

I feel harsh, and that was a sort of random tangent, but I want to help you out. Sitting here trying to change her and fix her is going to get you nowhere. The only person that can fix her is herself, and she needs to have to will and want to be fixed.

It's not awful, I guess it's the truth...

I want to be there for her, but you're right in that she hasn't done anything to change her behavior. That's...rather sad...but don't worry, I'm glad you pointed that one out for me.

I'll see her tomorrow, and try to talk to her about this. I can only hope that she doesn't ignore me like last time.

You got to look at it from my perspective. You are a person on the internet and Im about to give you some advice on something very important that isnt exactly sugar-coated... I dunno how youre gonna react

Glad to have helped though. You REALLY need to fix this situation because its gonna eat you alive...

Aili wrote: I'm pretty sure I don't love her in that way. I'm a girl, I have a serious relationship with a boy and I don't think I've ever felt that kind of love towards her. I have to admit I care a lot for her, though.
I've never been the White Knight for her, or at least I've never tried to - I seriously dislike them. What you told me is what I've been doing for these last years, but she seems to be doing worse. I don't mind if she doesn't tell me what's bothering here, I just want to be there for her when she needs me...to stand by her side.
But this time, she's expecting me to do something about it when I have no idea what's going on. I usually can tell when something bothers her and try to remind her that I'm here if she needs me, but this time I just don't know.
As I've said, I've tried confronting her about it, but she ignores me and shrugs until I'm over it. She has the bad tendency of treating people like toys - something she can pick up when she's bored and something she can throw away just like that. That's one of the reasons she doesn't have many close friends; people get mad at her for doing that, and lose their patience with her.

OK, sorry to misunderstand the situation. I assumed and mistook, and I apologize for that.

So I'd say you're a very good friend to this girl, and I think that's very nice of you. It's unfortunate she's not really a very good friend to you. She may have her problems, but that doesn't give her the right to treat you badly. If she does, you have to be honest and say that you don't like her negative behavior. As others have said, you can't make her want to change herself. That will only happen when she wants to. I think hat if you want to keep being her friend, then you to have to keep on just being there for her like you did the last 3 years, even tough she doesn't make any progress. But stay honest and tell her what you think as well, especially if she hurts you. Once she moves to another city, she may perhaps start to realize that she misses you, and that in turn might make her think about herself. I think that's probably the best you can do in such a situation.

Aili, your friend might be like I was. Just in complete denial about whatever problem she's having and refuses to admit it. However, I don't know the full situation of your friend, so I might be wrong.

hakeuncutroil wrote:Due to Circumstances, I will be giving out badges to anyone in this thread who wants one.
You can put whatever image you like on them, though.

Badges seem kind of... insubstantial. I have considered giving out something more interesting, such as glassware. However, it would be unfeasible to offer this to everyone who wanted one. I would only be able to give them to a few people. And it is also difficult to designate some people as more "worthy" of receiving such things. Even a lottery might be unpopular. So, badges are what I can produce in mass quantities with little trouble.

So, anyone want one?

I would like one of those badges with the image you posted.

hakeuncutroil wrote:Due to Circumstances, I will be giving out badges to anyone in this thread who wants one.
The badges are like this:

You can put whatever image you like on them, though.

Badges seem kind of... insubstantial. I have considered giving out something more interesting, such as glassware. However, it would be unfeasible to offer this to everyone who wanted one. I would only be able to give them to a few people. And it is also difficult to designate some people as more "worthy" of receiving such things. Even a lottery might be unpopular. So, badges are what I can produce in mass quantities with little trouble.

So, anyone want one?

I would like one... that picture is fine. n_n

So I've been lurking on this thread now for about three days, and all I can say is that you're all AMAZING people, and you've all made me realize that no one is alone with their problems. Everyone has their scars, and they're not always necessarily from fires, or anything physical for that matter. It's just all about coming to understand the beauty a scar can hold, even mental ones, as they're unique since they're a direct result of your life. They're proof that you have been alive this whole time, or at least, that's how I try to think of 'em. (Oh god, I'm rambling)
It's been... relieving (for lack of a better word?) reading through this thread, and seeing that a lot of you share the same feelings that I do and have had similar experiences to what I've gone through as well. I'll be throwing something up on here in the next little while, since I've been really trying to put everything in my past into perspective, especially after moving out for the first time just last week, it's like I've moved far enough away that I can look back and see a lot more of the picture than I could up close. And though it's not nearly as rough as some of your experiences, I feel that I should contribute something here. But that'll be right after I finish reading all 35 pages up to this point! I have a lot of catching up to do it seems!

hakeuncutroil wrote:
So, anyone want one?

I would love one of those badges if there are any available still. Hell, I'd pay good money for one and wear it proudly!

Redbullet612 wrote:So I've been lurking on this thread now for about three days, and all I can say is that you're all AMAZING people, and you've all made me realize that no one is alone with their problems. Everyone has their scars, and they're not always necessarily from fires, or anything physical for that matter. It's just all about coming to understand the beauty a scar can hold, even mental ones, as they're unique since they're a direct result of your life. They're proof that you have been alive this whole time, or at least, that's how I try to think of 'em. (Oh god, I'm rambling)
It's been... relieving (for lack of a better word?) reading through this thread, and seeing that a lot of you share the same feelings that I do and have had similar experiences to what I've gone through as well. I'll be throwing something up on here in the next little while, since I've been really trying to put everything in my past into perspective, especially after moving out for the first time just last week, it's like I've moved far enough away that I can look back and see a lot more of the picture than I could up close. And though it's not nearly as rough as some of your experiences, I feel that I should contribute something here. But that'll be right after I finish reading all 35 pages up to this point! I have a lot of catching up to do it seems!

Its good to hear these messages are helping more than just one person. The people in this community are genuinly intelligent, which is something you dont find very much anymore on the internet. We are really helping people out with things that are really happening the the 3D world, not just problems within the game, It is beautiful really. Ive never been in such a great community so willing to help others! Im glad to stay on this forum even though I am far past my KS times (dont really play it much anymore) and Im glad you have found wisdom within this thread.

Aili wrote:Thanks for the advice =) Best wishes to you, and I hope you're able to kick your last vice!

Last vice? Nah, not just yet. Don't wanna drop dead, you know. Just tobacco at the mo. Still need the booze, hahah. But yeah, I hope so, too. Quiting smoking sucks. If you ever start, don't ever quit. It'll kill ya.

Aili, there's some cool people here. Sound advice all around. Listen to 'em, and listen you YOU, ya dig?

EDIT: hakeuncutroil, that's a killer idea. Consider me down.