ProfAllister wrote:Well, one of the fun things about the "without qualifications" bit is that it actually works as an escape clause here. I stated that it's one of the best works here, a sentiment which I have no qualms repeating. But the thing is that there's one key qualifier in this discussion that tends to be assumed - if we were discussing the best KS story, this would be completely out of the running, because, as a KS story, it falls flat.
*nods* The inherent problem here is that this
was meant to be a KS story. When you attempt something and fail to achieve it, that kind of blunts any claim at that thing having been done well.
It has about as much claim to being a KS story as would a gender-swapped version of One Piece with the names changed*.
With the exception of, you know, actually
having made the claim.
But it's the qualifier of the context of KS that pulls it down there. Outside the KS context, it's the connection to KS that pulls it down; within the KS context, it's the tenuous relationship that brings it down.
In part, perhaps. To me, there are too many flaws with the plot itself,
even without the KS elements, for the story to be considered good. I enumerated some of them in my earlier post, and others have been noted by other posters.
I'd go further than just saying it's "decent." When I say that It could stand on its own, I mean it. If, instead of Hisao, Misha, and Shizune, it were Hiroyuki, Mayoi, and Meiko, and there were no mention of Yamaku or disabilities, it would be a good story, the emotional notes would hit, and people would talk about it.
The problem with this statement is that I can't disprove it, so it's not really useful to this conversation. All I can say is "I don't believe so" and move on.
Even setting aside the fact that most fanfiction (as a feature) is heavily dependent on the source material, I can think of relatively few works on this site that, as far as writing quality is concerned, hold a comparable position.
I might agree, depending on the meaning of "relatively few". I mentioned that this would probably be in my top 30 in an earlier post. That also means that I believe I could come up with at least 20 that are (IMO, of course) at least the equal, if not the better, of this in quality.
And, for the record, I maintain that the KS elements aren't integral - they're a few names and minor references that don't really have any relevance to the story. Hisao's heart is pretty much a non-issue. Shizune's deafness even less so (and Hisao and Misha could easily have managed a private conversation without needing to use sign language). Pull those out and the story loses next to nothing. Some would argue less than nothing, because it unburdens the work from an unnecessary weight.
The KS elements are what provides the context of the story. Without those elements, we would have less of an idea of who these characters are, and dramatically less of who they
were, which would significantly lessen the impact of the emotional aspects of the story.
On the general subject of why I think it's good, it's been touched on by several others - it's descriptive, but not too descriptive; just enough to really bring the characters to life.
This is kind of subjective, but since I've already mentioned that I like the characters of alt-Hisao and alt-Misha as well as their dynamic with the other characters who are present in the main body of the story, I'll at least refrain from disagreeing with this.
It sets up a complex conflict, the characters address it in a believable (i.e., consistently motivated) manner,
On the other hand, I disagree with this statement in its entirety, as addressed in my original review post.
and it manages all this in the (relative) economy of under 30k words. I could probably count on one hand the number of other works on this site that are as tightly written. (I count in binary, admitted, but that's a minor point.)
I'm trying to refrain from asking "how many have you actually read?" here
.
My issue is NOT with OOC. (tangent snipped)
Mine is only partially with it, so that's fine.
That aside, I was under the impression that Hisao and Shizune weren't secretly married. Just good old-fashioned regular married. And while I'll grant that their relationship was certainly atypical, I would be reluctant to say, based only on what was available from Act 1, that it would be impossible.
I got the distinct impression, from the one exchange between him and alt-Hisao, that alt-Shizune's father didn't know they were married. And yes, impossible might have been a bit of hyperbole, but it was certainly highly unlikely, and we weren't really given any context for why it would happen. Give us that context, and a good chunk of my OOC issue likely goes away.
But I think we've all been rotating around the same key points. To summarize, best as I can tell:
- The writing (i.e., descriptions, details, dialogue, etc.) is superb quality.
- The narrative (i.e., sequence of events, causality, etc.) has a couple weak points, particularly the details of Shizune's death and Misha's porn.
- The relation to KS is nearly absent, and probably would have been better if it wasn't there at all.
My own response to that summary, then, would be:
- The writing quality is generally good, but is dragged down by a trite plot, a weak conflict, and enough instances of poor characterization to be an issue
- The narrative is fairly good in terms of the current plot line, but the flashbacks work against it, and additionally trying to wedge it into the KS-verse causes it to break down significantly
- The relation to KS may be tenuous, but since it wasn't intentionally so, judging it outside that context is basically giving the author an undeserved mulligan
. In an earlier edition of this book club, the Professor mentioned that this was one of the best in the category of "KS fanfics that shouldn't be KS fanfics" out there. I would definitely agree with that.
