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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2015 11:25 pm
by Broomhead
To appear wise by quoting those long dead:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
I can't, without meeting you in person, judge the truth of your "One step forward, two steps back." However, as above, even a step in the right direction is a beginning, and all things must have a beginning if they are to exist. My first drawings looked like a five year old with a crayon (I was 14 at the time), and now I can pass myself off as someone who can actually draw.
I've never liked that phrase either. It promotes a negative view of effort. Imagine this: You are in a hallway with dark walls, no lights or windows, but you can see there is a light in the distance. You take a step forward, but the light appears to be no closer to you. Strive forward into the light, and you shall either find it or make your own with the heat of your movement. But not trying is never going to result in you reaching the light. Now, imagine the same situation, but someone outside tells you that the light moves farther away every time you move closer. These are two different situations, but many equate one with the other.
To quote another, more recently deceased:
I'se been a-climbin' on... and sometimes goin' in the dark, where there ain't been no light. So boy, don't you turn back.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go kick a puppy or something after being so supportive. If people who knew me saw that, they'd think I was being held hostage and was trying to tell them.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2015 11:32 pm
by Broken Yet Whole
I've been in therapy for four months now. I haven't made any progress with conquring my Social Phobia... When I'm not in person, I'll sometimes take initiative, and ask someone to hang out, but when we meet up... I always freeze up, don't know the words to say, and just go into a reclusive state...
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 10:15 pm
by Broken Yet Whole
So... My cat scratched me this morning before i left for work, and now i'm going to have a series of scars on my left hand near my thumb that form an H. Currently, it's just slightly red and raised, but it is very much visible... Which is absolutely not good, I'm already impossibly self conscious of my appearance without having to worry about my scars being noticable...
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:55 am
by 300BillionDegrees
Anyone you work with who also lives with a cat will understand at least. My forearms are completely covered with scars from my previous cat, who always liked to play a bit rough.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:44 am
by Broken Yet Whole
300BillionDegrees wrote:Anyone you work with who also lives with a cat will understand at least. My forearms are completely covered with scars from my previous cat, who always liked to play a bit rough.
I have at minimum 10 scars from my cats. They've faded now, but none are as big as my recent one.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:55 am
by 300BillionDegrees
Well, the cat scars are nothing to worry about at least, so don't let that bother you. The rest of the social anxiety bit, I'm afraid I can't really help with. Im pretty terrible dealing with people in person outside a rather small circle of friends, and even with them it's not so good
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:58 am
by Broken Yet Whole
300BillionDegrees wrote:Well, the cat scars are nothing to worry about at least, so don't let that bother you. The rest of the social anxiety bit, I'm afraid I can't really help with. Im pretty terrible dealing with people in person outside a rather small circle of friends, and even with them it's not so good
I have a small circle of friends, but I don't hang out with them. I haven't willingly hung out with someone in six months or more. I can function fine by myself, and do absolutely everything by myself, from grocery shopping to going out for lunch, to even going to the mall of all places. So long as it isn't crowded. I am afraid of large crowds.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 3:26 am
by 300BillionDegrees
Not a fan of large crowds at all either. I can deal with them if I have to, but I don't like it.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 3:28 am
by Broken Yet Whole
300BillionDegrees wrote:Not a fan of large crowds at all either. I can deal with them if I have to, but I don't like it.
I avoid them whenever possible, which isn't too hard. I don't know how i'm gonna deal with my birthday though...
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 10:58 pm
by Broken Yet Whole
Well, my current situation is very much befitting of Katawa Shoujo.
I'm in a hospital right now.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2015 12:03 am
by danfs
Broken Yet Whole wrote:Well, my current situation is very much befitting of Katawa Shoujo.
I'm in a hospital right now.
I really hope it is not because of arrythmia..., or burns..., or amputades limbs..., or sudden blindness...
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2015 12:07 am
by Broken Yet Whole
danfs wrote:Broken Yet Whole wrote:Well, my current situation is very much befitting of Katawa Shoujo.
I'm in a hospital right now.
I really hope it is not because of arrythmia..., or burns..., or amputades limbs..., or sudden blindness...
No no, none of that. Mainly shortness of breath, tingling in my hands and feet, a painful cough, vomiting earlier and nausea, almost passing out as I walked up to the emergency room, and hyperventilating nearly immediately upon entering the hospital.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2015 4:38 am
by Broken Yet Whole
And now i'm home from the hospital. I have Bronchitis, and I also have a ton of narcotics for it. BLUH MEDS.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:46 pm
by Rum&Cola
Hello everyone.
I started lurking this forum probably a year ago after I finished my first Katawa Shoujo route, which was Hanako's. It caused the worst Post book/anime/movie Depression I've ever had. I ended up drinking and crying for a few days, didn't fap for like month. Also experimented with cutting, though nothing too serious. I'm always been kind of an introvert but things got worse. I started avoiding my friends, didn't answer the phone or told that I wasn't home. While in reality I drank alone and wallowed in self pity.
Then I just realized that nothing matters really. I saw my friends occasionally, we would get drunk and I would ramble to them how I don't really give a fuck about anything. After few weeks things cooled down a bit, started working at a hardware store near to my home. But It still felt that something was not right. Talking to people was harder than before. I wasn't anxious, talking to people just felt somehow tiring.
I worked only for few months as I had to start my 6 month compulsory military service. I wasn't that worried. I thought I would be in better shape, maybe get some new friends and stuff. I felt kind of detached from everyone there for the whole 6 months, and some of them might think I was retarded or something. Now it feels harder to socialize than ever. The bad thing is, I don't even care that much. At the end of August I will start studying at polytechnic school and I feel like nothing good will come out of it. Probably just end up isolating completely.
I know I don't make much sense and I'm not even sure why I wrote this. Probably to feel a little more productive, as the only thing I've produced for the last two years is the dump I take after my morning coffee.
Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club
Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2015 9:39 pm
by Broken Yet Whole
Howdy ho Rum! I may be fairly new here myself, but this is definitely a place where you can find support and friends.
You are not alone, and you are not strange. You are you, and everyone has damage.
~Anonymous
No words ring truer here.