Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Daitengu]

Which brings me back to today. I'm currently infatuated with this girl. Part of me really wants to talk to her and perhaps confess to her. In fact I even imagined possible scenarios of what could happen. But when I actually do see her, I just can't bring myself to do it. I could talk to her about casual stuff, but I'm afraid to go anywhere farther than that. Plus, the semester is almost over, and I might never see her again if I don't say anything soon.

This, along with other issues I have to deal with: finding a job, college, figuring out what I'm going to do with my life, parents that are getting older, I feel like I'm trapped in someplace I don't want to be and there's no way out. I don't know what to do...

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

The thing about school is that it only academically teaches you. It doesn't really prepare you for life. Infact some concepts in school are just plain wrong. The main ones being concepts around failure.

School only teaches you to fear failure. It's something to be looked down upon, something to be avoided, so we fear. In the end with the future unknown, we can't guarantee success, so many tend to fear it.

Take this from a quitter (me). The only thing you should fear is giving up. When you give up you will 100% fail. Where as if you try, sure you'll fail, but you'll also win sometimes. It seems nice at first since you get to fail on your own terms, but it's a slippery slope to feeling depressed and useless.

The trick to get anything done when you feel bogged down by life, is to step back a moment and breath. Clear your head and then pick just ONE goal, and work towards it. Shut out your inner voice and just do. (It's the only way I can talk to people face to face with my phobia and all).

Somethings will just seem too big to do at times. That's where help is nice. But if you can't get that, just do what you can RIGHT NOW and whittle the pile down. Bit by bit, stone by stone, that mountain becomes a hill. Then the hill becomes a mound, then a pile, then you're done. It might take a while, years even, but you can do it if you don't give up.

[Wanderingheartache]

Hello everybody, I'm Mikka, and I am a girl. I have decided to step up here because maybe it might be nice to have a feminine perspective in this thread, as well as a lot of these posts seem to boil down to- I did this thing so why girl no do that thing? I no can press button and girl reciprocate? Part of the whole no white-knighting thing is no objectifying. Women are not prizes to be won, nor is there a certain set of codes to enter or actions to complete to get said prize. :/

I agree with your perspective, however... I do not see most posts boiling down to what you say they do. Especially with how you worded it in my case... I admit I may have spoken a little harshly and for that I apologize. I have a lot of "misplaced" anger and I should most definitely get it checked out, but I do not think that it is all my fault because I am a male. I think that all people are capable of manipulation just like they are vulnerable to it regardless of gender. I've never thought of anyone as a "prize" just like I've never taken any interaction with others as a "game"...

... this thread is mainly serious.

and yea, i'll try to find my own happiness. nobody can decide that for me. i don't exactly know what that is though.

I quoted yummines for two parts, 1.) I have not taken this thread lightly, I have shared my stories with everyone because I felt that I needed to tell people and get some weight off my chest... I felt that this thread was somewhere where everyone could offer advice and try to help one another out. I clearly lost sight of that and I let things turn personal and ugly pretty fast. My tiredness was no excuse for me not being levelheaded and for that I apologize to everyone, perhaps I wasn't quite ready to share that much with strangers...

and 2.) I have been on my own path to happiness, I have known for a while that no one else can decide it for me... I might be naive to believe that I could find it through others but I sure as hell know I won't find every answer all on my own. Yes, I rely too much on the whole "love" concept that may be outdated for most people... no one learned anything just by being spoon fed information their whole lives. I still have a lot of falling on my face and getting hurt before I know what to do correctly, even then I feel that I may never know how to completely live in this modern world... everything and everyone changes so rapidly that I just feel obsolete. Doesn't mean I've decided I can't evolve, it just means I need to work even harder to keep up... I have to make the changes happen within myself or progress will never happen.


The hour may be late where I am, but ironically... I've just woken up now. I've been taking periodic naps and I'm pretty close to my "regular" sleep schedule for a job I might get if my interview went well. If I do not get the job then that just means at 6 am every morning I'll be jogging and I'll just have to apply somewhere else... as for my people problems I will have to work on my personality a little more now won't I? I'm doing everything I possibly can to keep myself from falling down, but even when it hurts most I will keep getting back up and trying to make things better.


I apologize if anyone is offended, but I'm trying to show you that I'm legit... I'm not just some troll who came around to cause trouble. If I feel like I might explode again, I will seek therapy... whatever it takes to keep myself from making another mistake.

[Mikka]

I apologize, my post was rather snarky and bluntly put, and I understand how difficult it is to be open about these things. Please continue to be open if it is what you want to do- self-censoring tends to do more harm than good, and despite how I might have come across earlier, would like to be a supportive aide as well.
Anyways more specific responses:
@Wanderingheartache- I didn't mean to say that this was solely a male phenomenon, and am sorry if it came across that way. It is true that I tend to see patterns of it male-wise, but as much of popular culture isn't necessarily representative of individuals, and since I in no way can gather a decent sample size, I try to refrain from making such- ALL MEN DO THIS, ALL WOMEN DO THIS statements as they just don't hold water.

@yummies- Ahaha I guess you're right in that it's impossible to be certain on the internet. But I assure you, I am 100% female! It's interesting what you said about Korean girls- my boyfriend is half-Korean, his mother is from Souel, and he always says that he couldn't imagine dating a Korean girl because they remind him too much of his mom! Which is lucky for me I guess since I am about as pale as they come. xD

[Mikka]

I should really make an account so I can edit my posts- realizing that perhaps I should have said- "white and Russian" as they come rather than pale, because Koreans can most definitely be as pale as I am. xD

[yummines]

I should really make an account so I can edit my posts- realizing that perhaps I should have said- "white and Russian" as they come rather than pale, because Koreans can most definitely be as pale as I am. xD

Yeaaaa though usually i try to avoid edits unlessi get ninja'd
And whoo boy. All my female cousins are pretty, but obviously i dont feel anything cause they're my cousins. Which seems to explain why in media and rl i tend to like the light haired and complicated person. I hung out with this one girl even though she already had a boyfriend. Ah i hate being a hopeless romantic.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. For now. On the account it seems like youre a psychic spy im calling you out

edit: and im not trying to downplay your post. It just seems so dreary and hopeless in here

[Beoran]

Yumminess, well it's a serious thread with serious problems, but your last post made me laugh out loud. Humor can be a way to help deal with our problems as well, as long as we're not mocking. SO I don't mind a joke or two here now and then.

Mika, you're very welcome here, so I'd like to encourage you to make an account. There's many other interesting threads as well and the people are usually nice.

As for what you said, I think that people look too much at the differences and forget the similarities.
And I agree, with you Mikka with regards to Wanderingheartache.

Wanderingheartache you were just trying to be honest in your first post. Maybe it didn't come out quite as you wanted it to, but I think almost everyone here knows how hard it can be to put our feelings into words. Like Daitengu said, we can learn by making mistakes. Then, what we said in reply to your post may have been a bit harsh on you, but I think we all meant well and were simply concerned. Personally I'd like to apologize if I made you feel worse than you were. It would not be the first time that I unintentionally hurt other people's feelings.

[Wanderingheartache]

By all means, I did not mean to sound harsh on my accounts either... I suggested Mikka get an account so we could talk things out one on one so I could let her know the whole story if she thought that I was just demonizing. I was hurt yes, but I let myself take it too harshly... I know you all meant well and I should have taken time to calm down before responding. I am deeply sorry for any comments I have made. It was never my intention to call anyone out or try to victimize myself, I vow in the future to try and be more mature about such sensitive topics.


With that said, I have tried to make peace with the two people who have hurt me most in my life. Since they no longer want anything to do with me... I won't waste breath with them. I will focus more on getting a job and trying to make myself happy before I try to connect with anyone else, maybe I'll put some of that money toward going back to school? I don't intend on working full time if I want some time to myself to pursue a new hobby... I also plan on attending more conventions to try and at least broaden my horizons in terms of finding new entertainment.

[Mikka]

We cool? ;D

@Wanderingheartache- It's okay, I apologized because I felt I was being rather blunt and harsh with you. If you would like to talk further I am certainly available, but don't feel the need to explain yourself solely for my benefit, okay?

[yummines]

pic
We cool? ;D

well cant refute that evidence

YOU WIN THIS TIME FEMINISTS

On a serious note, wheres the fine line of being friendly and white-knighting?

[Wanderingheartache]

Mikka, if it is okay for me to say it... you are quite an alluring woman. O///O Yeah, I just wanted to clarify that I'm not really mad at anyone... that I felt that I should apologize for my own immaturity and that yeah if things are cool then we don't have to PM back and forth. n_n


I kind of have an update, Nikki hasn't entirely shot me down... she did show some interest in going to see a movie with me and perhaps teaching me how to cook something in her kitchen. I know that I've grown a little closer as a friend and I think that's all I really wanted. If she does decide that I'm boyfriend material I will just treat things like normal and ease into it... I have more fun just joking around with her and I think she would have told me by now if there was no chance or if she was interested. I think we have a mutual understanding, she seems really cool with the idea of spending at least one day alone with me and that we might have fun just being the two of us working on a project for a friend's birthday coming up.

[Beoran]

Mikka, well, I think it's brave of you to show yourself to us. I certainly wouldn't want to do that. But I guess it helped seeing everyone is cool now.

As for the line between white knighting / white princessing someone and helping someone, I think the key is in two things:

• Try to find out and keep in mind what the other person wants from you. That's why we have to be attentive to the other in a relationship. My wife wants me to empty the dishwasher. But she didn't want me to teach her how to use a knife and fork... I can't believe now how silly and overly concerned I was at that time...
• Treat the other like an equal. If you play the knight or princess, you are in fact pretending subconsciously that you are better than the other person. Of course, probably with good intentions, but in the end, it's a form of arrogance. How can the other person feel good about themselves if they are just a thing to be protected and idolized to you? In short, treat people like they are people, adults like they are adults.

Wanderingheartache, as long as you're cool with staying friends and won't start pining over her, I think it's good news. I hope things will get even better from now on.

[Xerxes]

I agree with what Daitengu said: One goal, one milestone at a time.
While it's important that I found the strenght to resume the career I was studying, I believe that it's more important that I finally managed to find some buddies to hang out with.
I don't really care in how long our friendship will last, I just focus on enjoying it everytime I can.
I kinda irks me that I couldn't met them before, specially since one of them lives crossing the street, literally. But well, better than never.
I can't help but blaming myself a little for being too shy to have some initiative in life, but on the other side, it's part of my personality, I cope with it the best I can.

I rely on gut feelings, intuition, threading carefully and basically being myself rather than being a poser. I may be a little resented-sad with some poeple for distancing themselves from me, but I don't hate them, and they don't hate me either, we all had our reasons.

Bottom-line, I feel a lot better than some months ago.

[Wanderingheartache]

I would like to think I'm okay, but like they say... it takes time to heal/to get over things. I think everything will be fine... one step at a time you know?

[yummines]

As for the line between white knighting / white princessing someone and helping someone, I think the key is in two things:

• Try to find out and keep in mind what the other person wants from you. That's why we have to be attentive to the other in a relationship. My wife wants me to empty the dishwasher. But she didn't want me to teach her how to use a knife and fork... I can't believe now how silly and overly concerned I was at that time...
• Treat the other like an equal. If you play the knight or princess, you are in fact pretending subconsciously that you are better than the other person. Of course, probably with good intentions, but in the end, it's a form of arrogance. How can the other person feel good about themselves if they are just a thing to be protected and idolized to you? In short, treat people like they are people, adults like they are adults.

But the thing is im the kind of person who wont really do anything unless they're told to. Which is probably why im struggling in college right now.

I at the very least try to treat someone like my equal. In fact i tend to try to give people the benefit of the doubt cause likely i wouldn't be able to do whatever. I don't think white knighting is why i dont have a girlfriend though... I probably have the opposite problem, I can't seem to be able to get myself involved in another person's life at all.

[Daitengu]

But the thing is im the kind of person who wont really do anything unless they're told to. Which is probably why im struggling in college right now.

I at the very least try to treat someone like my equal. In fact i tend to try to give people the benefit of the doubt cause likely i wouldn't be able to do whatever. I don't think white knighting is why i dont have a girlfriend though... I probably have the opposite problem, I can't seem to be able to get myself involved in another person's life at all.

I've noticed that zero ambition guys tend to not get girls, or many good friends for that matter.