Katawa Shoujo Forums

It is very.. difficult to write crossover fanfics, it's a challenge that I have attempted many times but it never ended well, in addition to my already bad habit of never finishing a story, trying to make characters from one universe fit in another is rather difficult, and from the looks of your story which I have only briefly skimmed(Waiting for all chapters to be posted before I read fully) this seems like AiWL written with KS characters, that's a challenge, to get the story to function with characters outside its intended cast. Props to you for trying such a thing!

I think you're being a bit too harsh Mirage, granted his first post wasn't the greatest way to say "hi" to a new forum or introduce his story, but it's nice to see fresh faces in here now and then, and unique story ideas, whether they be a work of art, poorly written, or obviously the work of a goat, the fact that he actually wrote something puts him farther ahead than people. I personally can't write a story that I consider good enough to take up space on the forums, so I don't put anything up here, the unnecessarily harsh criticism that many writers receive on their first story isn't exactly endearing to aspiring writers.

“Good evening Emi” said the Red Man, bowing and tipping his hat. Emi whirled on her heel, turning to Shizune with pure anger in her eyes.

“What the hell have you done to him!” she screamed.

Shizune chuckled.

It was the Red Man who replied. “Emi, dearest, please don’t speak to the Empress in such a manner. One must use only a tone of respect when addressing her Majesty.” He bowed again. Shizune sneered down at him.

“You really are an idiot aren’t you?” she said.

“Why, thank you kindly m’lady.”

Emi stared at him with incredulity.

“So that is your talent after all.” Lilly’s voice rose out of the silence. “I always pondered the logic of these gifts, but I suppose it all makes sense.” Shizune watched her musings, a smile spreading across her face. “Emi lost her legs; but that was just the cause of the problem. She couldn't move easily, and so she was allowed to move like no other.” Lilly turned her head to stare into Shizune’s eyes. “You could not hear, but what really mattered, is that you could not communicate. Now however, you can…”

“Communicate better than any human that ever lived.”

Clap.

Clap.

Clap.

“Well done Lilly, just the kind of thinking I expected from someone as brilliant as you.”

Although the voice rasped and sneered, the sarcastic tone was evident to all who heard it. The Red Man watched on in complete stillness.

“Then what about the Red Man? And the giants?” Emi said. She gazed at him and he stared back in return; his eyes cold and neutral. Shizune turned to face her.

“I communicate so well, people often find it hard to disagree.” She chuckled. Lifting one hand, she clicked her fingers, and the door opened behind them once more. This time the room filled with the sound of not one, but hundreds of pairs of feet striking against the floor. Before long, every village member from the neighboring lands had poured into the cavern and surrounded them, creating a torrent of purple smoke that floated upwards into the darkness. The girls stared, wide eyed.

“Can you do it Emi? Can you defeat my greatest soldiers?”

Shizune had retreated to her throne, lounging back and taunting them from the platform. The girls backed up until their backs were touching, looking nervously in every direction at the sea of citizens before them.

“Tell me, who will you kill first?”

The villages stood silently; men, women and children all staring at the girls, their arms hanging limply at their sides.

“Well darlin’, I was finkin’ of startin’ wif you.”

The girls gasped and looked to the stage. Emi’s jaw dropped. “Fop?”

Fop stood behind the throne, his thin arms snaking in behind the stone bars. Shizune writhed under his iron grip.

“Ah ah ah, I wouldn’t advice that Missy.” A glint flashed in the darkness, and Emi suddenly understood what was happening.

“Let me go, you imbecile! How dare you!”

“How dares me?” Fop grabbed Shizune’s fringe and wrenched back her head, exposing her pale throat to his long carving blade. “You touched Master, and yet, you ask how dares me?” Fop growled.

The blade touched Shizune’s skin, and for a moment the cold steel stung her skin like ice. The Red Man lifted his eyes.

“Hey, c’mon Fop, let her go. She’s on our side.” He face contorted into a contrived smile; his voice betrayed the forced nature of his speech.

“Don’t worry boss, you’ll be out in a jiff!” Fop leaned into the cage, pressing his face to Shizune’s ear. “Takin’ ma boss, makin’ ‘im say daft stuff like ‘at?”

Shizune whimpered, her lower lip trembling.

“Let me tell you Missy, he ain’t hurt a soul in his life that man, and here you got ‘im, like some damn toy!”

“Don’t hurt her Fop!” Emi called to the throne.

“Quiet Fox, I knows you, and I knows you knows me boss, but this is business.” He turned his attention back to Shizune. “You hurt those people? You fink you can come ‘ere, and have a go on anyone who you find! You come ‘ere, make a fool of me boss, and try and kill ‘is friends!” He stood back, gripping the knife firmly. “The easiest fing ‘bout killin’ you, is ain’t no one gonna remember ya anyway.”

“Please…. Please don’t”

“Oh, bit late for that me finks.” Fop leaned back in, his rancid breath almost making Shizune vomit. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill ya, right ‘ere.”

“’Cause she’s our friend!”

“Eh?” Fop looked over at Emi, who had stepped away from the group. She looked up at him defiantly.

“What kind of friend tries to kill ya? What kind of friend is it that likes to hurt people?” He took the knife away from Shizune’s throat and jabbed it at Emi. “Ive spent some time wiv’ you, and all of it you seemed nice; kind to me boss an’ that.” As soon as she felt the knife move, Shizune began to twist. Before she had even budged, a sharp thorn poked up under her jaw. He was too quick.

“What you doin’ wiv the likes of her?”

Lilly stepped forwards. “It’s true, she is our comrade. There has been a problem; she has gotten carried away.”

Rin was the next to call out. “Yeah, seriously, if you kill her, it will be a whole bunch of hassle back at school.” She put a finger to her lips and thought for a moment. “I don’t have time for paperwork.”

Fop watched with incredulity as each one of the girls stepped forwards.

“As much as I hate to admit it, we do have to step in and save her” Hanako grumbled.

Fop shook his head, struggling to come to terms with what was going on. Sniffling came from within the dark throne, and everyone realized Shizune was crying.

“Don’t try your act wiv’ me Missy” Fop growled. Nonetheless, he released her, stowing the knife in his belt. She stood, holding her face in her hands and walked slowly towards the front of the platform. The girls walked forwards, calm but wary incase anything were to happen.

Out of the darkness, a large piece of stone swung towards Shizune’s head, connecting with a resounding crack. Emi yelped. Shizune slumped to the floor. Fop grinned. “She ain’t gettin’ away wiv’ no mental tricks now.”

Emi held her hands over her gaping mouth, shocked by the sudden impact.

Rin grinned devilishly.

“Nice.”

…

It took weeks for the damage done by Shizune’s forces to be rebuilt. After placing her back safely in their world, the girls returned, eager to help set the world right. When they asked about the possibility of Shizune returning, the Red Man simply shook his head.

“This world is no longer open to the likes of her.”

The girls toiled whenever they had a free moment, using their special abilities to make light work of labor that had taken the villagers many years to complete. The rock giants who had fought under Shizune’s command also appeared in the village. The girls dropped their rocks and leapt into action, only to find they were a native species of this world that had fallen under Shizune’s control. One particularly large giant came before the girls, dropping to one knee.

“I must apologize for the actions of my people.” Its voice was deep and primordial. “No member of my family would ever knowingly harm an innocent being, and for our actions we are deeply shamed.”

Emi went red, embarrassed by the giant’s deep sincerity. Lilly strode forwards, placing an arm on its shoulder.

“There is no shame in being forced to sin. Rise, let no member of your family walk away thinking they are under judgment.”

As much as the girls said it was not necessary, the giants insisted on helping to rebuild the village, earnest to regain their dignity. With their help, large stones could be mined and moved, and before long the section of land that had previously held a small village, was dominated by a large stone castle. Farms, houses, mills, towers; the giants toiled until the sight before them was nothing less than an extravagant spectacular, far surpassing any settlement that the villages had ever seen.

Endlessly bestowing praise on them, the villagers followed the giants out for the final time, as they returned to their mountain home. Emi sat atop the leader’s shoulder, bobbing up and down as he told her stories of their magnificent race. The sun dwindled towards the horizon as the day moved on, its soft rays warming her against the giant’s cold body. When at last the village had faded out of sight altogether, Emi rose.

“Thank you” she said, leaning in to kiss his cold cheek. The giant closed his eyes and seemed to hum, a deep rumbling coming from deep within him.

“No, thank you Emi. What you have done for my family can never be repaid. The tale of how four girls saved the honor of our species will go down in our history forever. Thousands of years from now know that your name will still be uttered in our halls.”

A tear sprung into Emi’s eye, and before any more could come, she patted him once on the head and launched into the air. Flying in the direction of the village, she looked back over her shoulder, to see every giant on one knee, bowing in her direction. She would always claim that the wind was stinging her eyes that day, but regardless, by the time she reached the village tears were streaming from her eyes.

Emi landed to see Lilly and Hanako talking to a group of villagers, embracing and shaking hands. Rin was nowhere to be seen. Footsteps crunched behind her and she felt him sidle up beside her.

‘I suppose, this is goodbye, Emi.” His voice faltered.

Emi turned and buried her face in his red cloak, trying in vain to hide the tears. He embraced her firmly, before holding her out at arm’s reach.

“Emi, you have done more for this world than you will ever know.” She broke away from his gaze and stared at the ground.

“Knowing you has been the greatest pleasure of my life Emi. You have taught me more than any tome I’d care to study.”

Emi choked, unable to speak. The Red Man continued regardless.

“You taught me love, perseverance, friendship, sacrifice. It may sound cliché Emi, but that is just how it is. There is no other way to say it that will honor the lessons you have taught me.”

Emi glanced up to see his eyes glistening in the fading sun.

“Now, you best be on your way, before all this gets too much.” He smiled kindly down at her.

She tried to reply, but the words caught in her throat. All the time she had spent preparing a thank you for all the help he had given her; none of it mattered when they came face to face. She had barely managed to nod, before a familiar voice came from behind.

“Right, no more weeping like maidens; I spent time on this so everyone has to come and admire it.” Rin spoke firmly and everyone chuckled. Emi wiped her eyes and grabbed the Red Man’s sleeve, pulling him along after Rin. Lilly and Hanako walked in front of them and a large group of villagers surrounded them; adults chatting calmly, children zooming in and out from between their legs.

Emi piped up from the back. “Rin, where are we going?”

“Oh, you’ll see.”

A few more minutes of walking and Emi had realized the meaning of Rin’s march. This must have been where she was when everyone was saying goodbye. Walking calmly through the tight, dark tunnel, Emi could almost hear the loud booms she had heard, all that time ago.

Bursting out into the light, Emi gasped. Just as she expected, Rin had lead them towards her sculpture, deep within the heart of the mountain. The cavern was just as she remembered; only this time, rising up from the center of the room was an enormous, intricate, carving.

The huge stone pillar had been morphed into the likeness of all four girls, each one rising out from a different side. Torches lit the pillar from below; their wavering flames making the sculpture come alive. As she walked around, Emi watched each scene unfold:

Hanako stood, looking out from under her hood, smooth stone flames dancing in her palms. Half her face was polished stone, while the other Rin had sculpted perfectly to match her skin when she fought.


Rin punched out with two giant stone arms, the very same she had used to take down the possessed giants. The sculpture depicted her mid-combat, a look of fury carved into her face.


Lilly posed elegantly, poised with upmost dignity. Her hand rested on a beautiful ceremonial sword, the one broken during the final battle with Shizune. Her kimono seemed to flutter with an invisible wind, her long blonde hair trailing around her.


Emi hovered, fragile wings sprouting from her back and enveloping her in their embrace. Her face bore the lines of determination, but her arms lay open wide like an angel greeting a child.

As the villagers circled the sculpture, they gasped at every turn, marveling at the workmanship. Most continued to circle four or five times, each time realizing a finer detail they hadn’t the first. Emi looked over to see Rin standing behind them all, a rueful smile on her face. Lilly stood tall with her hands clasped in front, a single tear running down her cheek at the sight of her likeness. Hanako simply pulled her dark hood up to conceal her face, not once looking away from Rin’s creation.

“What a beautiful sculpture to leave for this world.”

Rin looked over to see the Red Man standing beside her, watching the pillar with great admiration.
“Cheers.”

He smiled. “I know you aren’t one for emotions, but I hope you realize just how special these people are. It is the greatest challenge of life to find people worth sacrificing everything for, and you Rin, have found many.”

Rin looked around the cavern, her eyes first falling on Emi, then Lilly and Hanako.

“Believe me; I realize how lucky I am.”

The Red Man smiled. “Thank you.”

With a simple nod he turned and walked away, leaving Rin to ponder in his wake.

Over time, villagers began to trickle out of the cavern, the children casting glances back over their shoulders. Arguing that they could return tomorrow, parents bustled them out, eager to put them to bed. As they passed the girls, each villager would bow and leave them with words of thanks, some even darting out to touch their hands, feet and cloaks.

The girls said their goodbyes to each one, nodding and clasping hands with any who reached out. By the time everyone had left, they were exhausted.

“I suppose it’s time to leave” Lilly said.

Emi sighed. They all knew they had to leave, and although it was such a beautiful world, they know now was the time to go. Emi felt a tug on her shirt.

“Farewell Emi and friends. Be safe. Be happy. Live forever.” The Red Man spoke with finality, his voice cracking slightly.

Emi nodded. “I’ll try my best” she chuckled ruefully. She had cried all she could; all that remained was a deep throbbing in her chest, a hurting only time could heal.

The four girls said their goodbyes to the man who had helped them so much, and one by one they filed through the small door that had appeared behind a nearby rock. Emi was last to go. Looking over her shoulder she saw, right as the world disappeared, the Red Man wink.

In the weeks that followed, Emi went about her normal school life. At first all she could think about was the other world, all the adventures that had gone on; what was everyone doing now? But as time went on, these memories started to fade into the back of her mind. It was only when she passed Rin, Hanako or Lilly in the hallway that it call came back; that she remembered it was not all a dream.

In the first weeks, all four girls would gather and tell stories about their individual adventures in the other world, and all the strange things they had seen. However, in time this too became less and less frequent. Some things had changed; Shizune had at long last been forced to recognize Hanako and Lilly as an exclusive ‘tea drinking’ club, that no one else may apply for. Nurse had finally stopped worrying, convinced now that Emi had given up on her dream of becoming a professional rock-climber.

As time went on, Emi found new adventures to capture her mind; beautiful and strange sights in this world that enticed her imagination. She would get swept up in life’s current, but always remember to treasure those times. Even in her senior years Emi would return to that cupboard; and while all that lay there was dust and broken pottery, she would remember all the memories she had made, in a world so unlike our own.

TheGoatman wrote:I think you're being a bit too harsh Mirage, granted his first post wasn't the greatest way to say "hi" to a new forum or introduce his story, but it's nice to see fresh faces in here now and then, and unique story ideas, whether they be a work of art, poorly written, or obviously the work of a goat, the fact that he actually wrote something puts him farther ahead than people. ..., the unnecessarily harsh criticism that many writers receive on their first story isn't exactly endearing to aspiring writers.

I don't really mind his first post and the way it was worded. I don't put too much weight in such things, since posts on the internet always lack inflection, so it's hard to identify sarcasm and the like. I always try to assume the best from them.
I don't even mind writing KS stories with "unique story ideas" - having written some myself.
And I don't think I was being overly harsh. I said that I thought the technical side of the story was okay and pointed out what part he should try to work on if he wanted to improve his writing.
To sum it up, this is a story that I would have enjoyed a lot more if it had been either written without KS characters or with KS characters that behaved like KS characters. It probably wouldn't even require too many changes...

I do agree with Mirage. Writing characters acting OOC has always been something that bothered me, whether it was intentional(like here) or not. That especially counts for KS's characters, since I'm so fond of them. It's a large part of the reason I lost interest near the end, when Shizune was revealed. I hated the way she was done.

God I love this story, with the first accurate portrayal of Shizune I've ever seen, being just the cherry on top of this amazing fanfiction.