dewelar wrote:I was actually more bothered by what Misha claims Shizune said to her when Hisao introduced himself than by the PDAs, though .
Thanks for reading!
I was worried a bit about that being OOC, but my reasoning was this - we'd never been privy to any of the conversations Shizune and Misha had when Hisao was not around. We have no idea how they behaved around each other when they were alone. Of course, they were in a room full of students when Hisao was first brought to class, but they're the only two that can sign - so that's about the same thing as being alone. They could take liberties.
Combine that with the fact that she is a teenage girl, and has shown the according tendency to behave so at times in the canonical story, I felt it was a fair enough liberty to take.
Eh...I can twist myself around enough to see that. After all, during her route, Shizune expressed some disappointment in Hisao for not having been more forward himself. I could also buy the idea that Misha was wildly paraphrasing, which she has been known to do .
It's funny, too, because in one of the early chapters in "Developments", I got called out (I don't remember by whom) for having Miki say that she thought Shizune had a thing for Hisao from day one, so I'm not opposed to the concept. I think I was more bothered by the style than the substance, if that makes sense.
sg1cat wrote:I do hope you enjoyed it all the same, though.
Definitely. Looking forward to watching this continue to unfold.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
sg1cat wrote:No worries on the short comment. It did seem rather terse to me upon reading, but that's the danger online communications.
I guess that happens a lot with my replies to fanfictions. That has several reasons:
1) I don't like to repeat what others already posted before me, so if you hadn't asked me specifically, I probably wouldn't have mentioned the portion with Shizune and Hisao trying to convince Misha.
2) If a story is well written that's not usually something that changes for the worse during a story, so I don't write a post to that end after each chapter. That's why my posts tend to focus on the stuff that could have been done better, since that's usually unique to that chapter.
3) I try to keep my feedback to fanfictions as objective as possible. I can see how that could be described as "terse."
As for your story, I see that I hardly commented at all so far. I was a bit late for the first chapter, so most of what I would have written had already been mentioned by others.
After that your story left very little to complain about - but so far it also lacks something to clearly set it apart from others like it.
Shizune meeting Hisao's parents is something that hasn't been done much however, so I'll definitely continue to follow it.
["Anyway, I should probably go,"] Misha says, smiling at us.
["What? No! Why?!"] I protest vehemently while Shizune frantically signs her own refusals.
Misha smiles at us magnanimously, answering as she stands up, ["Today's your last day together for who knows how long,"] she says and signs in answer to my question. ["I shouldn't be distracting you two from each other."] She grins wickedly, ["I already interrupted you two, I shouldn't be wasting more of your time, now..."]
[Misha,] Shizune signs, [I'll be seeing Hisao tomorrow.]
Misha tsks, rolling her eyes, ["Spending an hour together before going your separate ways doesn't count, Sicchan~!"]
[No, you don't understand,] Shizune goes on, blushing yet again. [Hisao invited me to stay at his place for a while.] Misha's eyes fly open at this, [I'll be seeing him well after today, tomorrow, the next day, and on...]
["Oh~!"] Misha says, looking at her friend, then over to me, then back to Shizune again. She pauses for a few moments, then smirks devilishly at us. ["So...you two were just getting a head start on your little love retreat~!"]
Shizune goes beet red, for the umpteenth time today while Misha laughs at her. [You're never going to let me live that down, are you?] Shizune asks with a hopeless expression.
["Nope~!"] she says while laughing. Thankfully, she sits back down in the booth, bouncing on the seat as she does. ["Okay, I'll stay,"] she says and signs beaming at the both of us. ["So...how long are you going to be staying with him?"] she asks, smirking wickedly again.
[I don't know,] Shizune signs, looking over hesitantly at me as I look back at her, [We hadn't discussed it.] An awkward silence follows as we look at each other. [How long can I stay?] she finally asks.
That was an interesting way to phrase it.
I shrug as she looks at me with a probing, yet uncertain gaze. [I don't know,] I answer cautiously, watching her guardedly. [When do you need to get home to do that stuff you have to take care of before University starts...?]
Shizune frowns slightly as she thinks about it. [I don't know,] she says, biting her lip. [There's so much to do...] she pauses and I get nervous, wondering if she's going to change her mind.
[Well,] she says after a few more moments of thought, allowing my anxiety to fester, [maybe I don't need to do as much as I thought...] she starts to smile at me.
[I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind you staying over as long as you want,] I quickly answer, meeting her gaze and grinning.
Shizune's smile grows at this as she starts to look excited. [You know, I think all that stuff can wait until later, maybe when I go on break during the first semester...]
Suddenly Misha's laughter erupts, causing me to jump and look over at her. Shizune blinks as she sees me jump and looks over.
["Sicchan, Hicchan, you two are just too adorable...and funny~!,"] she tells us, giggling loudly as she watches us. I blush at her words, glancing over at my girl and see that she's also embarrassed. ["Why don't you just play it by ear? Let what happens happen~!"] She looks pointedly at Shizune, ["You could do with a little spontaneity~!!"]
Shizune and I turn to meet each other's gaze, smirking at our friend's suggestion. We nod to each other. I feel a little giddy as I find myself wondering if Shizune will end up spending the rest of the break with me. Given the look in her eyes, I bet she's thinking the same thing.
As Shizune and I grin at each other, Misha clears her throat. I look back towards her and Shizune does the same, looking slightly confused. ["So what about you, Sicchan?"] Misha asks, ["What was your favorite part of the school year?"] I glance over at Shizune in anticipation.
[That's easy,] she signs, her cheeks once more demurely coloring a shade of pink. [The Tabanata festival of course,] she says with a shy smile as she once more glances up at me through her eyelashes, [When Hisao asked me to be his girlfriend].
I draw in my breath deeply at her words, even as I hear Misha proclaim, "Awww~!!"
Wrapping my arms about Shizune, I pull her to me, kissing her forehead lovingly as she leans in against me and sighs contently. She pulls back and smiles up at me, leaning in to give me a quick peck on the lips, looking into my eyes with a smile when she pulls back. I smile at her and she then turns back to face Misha again. I do the same, to find a ginning Misha looking back at us.
["You two are so cute~!!"] she says with a laugh, smiling broadly at us.
I grin at Misha's words and glance over at Shizune. She says nothing, merely smiling and blushing in response. She glances in my direction, looking up at me shyly through her eyelashes again as she smirks.
[What about you, Hisao?] she then signs. [What was your favorite part of the school year?]
I smile at Shizune, thinking about her question. ["It's hard to decide,"] I say and sign, furrowing my brow. ["I've had so many good things happen to me, since coming to Yamaku,"] I say, looking from Shizune to Misha and back again. ["I don't know if I can pick any one part, when so much happened to lead up to this moment right now..."] My friends smile warmly at me.
[Does that mean right now is your favorite?] Shizune asks with a wry grin, looking into my eyes as I glance at her.
I pause, considering my answer. ["Maybe?"] I answer with an amused smirk. ["I couldn't be happier with how everything turned out. We have the world ahead of us, and we have each other ..."] I say with a smile, looking over to Misha as I add, ["even if we're separated by great distances, we'll still have our friendship."]
Misha beams at me as I feel Shizune's hand slide into mine beneath the table, our fingers entwining together. I glance over at my girlfriend and smile at her, seeing happiness in her eyes as she looks back into my eyes.
["Hicchan,"] Misha starts with a jubilant voice, drawing my gaze away from Shizune. Following my lead, she too looks over at our mutual friend, who goes on to say and sign, ["You're a lot more cheery than when we first met you~!"]
I chuckle, nodding as I answer, ["Yeah, I guess I am."] I can feel Shizune's gaze upon me as I continue, ["Like I said before, you both had everything to do with that."]
[You weren't so appreciative about that at the time, though,] Shizune reminds me with a smirk. I blush a little. [It was quite exhausting and often more than a little frustrating, getting you to help us with building all of those stands.]
["Well, can you blame me?"] I ask with a grin, meeting her gaze. ["It was a lot of hard work!"]
[It was good for you!] Shizune insists. [You needed something to do so you couldn't be so busy feeling sorry for yourself, and Misha and I really needed the help!] she proclaims, sitting up and adjusting her glasses with a smile, [In the end, it was like we told you! Everybody won!]
["Yeah, Hicchan!"] Misha joyfully piles in, laughing at me as I glance back at her. I can still feel Shizune's eyes upon me as she grins, basking in her triumph.
["Yeah, you're right,"] I laugh, nodding at them. ["Truth be told, I really liked it, even at the time. It was gratifying, especially seeing the finished result at each of the festivals"] I smirk, adding, ["and besides, what high school boy wouldn't want two cute girls chasing after him, refusing to take 'no' for an answer?"]
The girls laugh at this, exchanging knowing glances.
Suddenly, for just a moment, it feels like how it was, back in the beginning. Back before the drama between us, when the world seemed so heavy and dark, save for the light from these two lovely, amazing girls who were dragging me kicking and screaming from my moroseness. I smile from ear to ear at them, laughing with them as the happiness that comes so naturally from their company washes over me.
Aww, i am on a phone so my response wont be all to long.
its a nice story for sure even though shizune is a bit OOC, i really do like the writing.
Its btw Shichan. (I think)
We finally decide it's time to leave The Shanghai. As Misha and I get our money to pay for our parts of the bill, Shizune quickly puts down enough money to cover the whole thing.
["Shizune, no,"] I start to argue.
["Heeey!"] Misha wails, disappointed.
Shizune loudly snaps her fingers, causing both of us to jump. [I'm paying, and that's final!] she signs, looking at each of us sharply. [Today is our last day together, and as Class President, I owe you both so much.]
Both of us open our mouths and raise our hands to protest again, but another ear-splitting snap reduces us to simmering in still silence before her furious dark blue gaze, only able to with glare back at her in silent frustration.
[No arguing!] she signs furiously, looking at us with an imperious stare, daring us to defy her.
Fuming together, Misha and I look at each other. After a moment, I shrug in resignation. Misha's expression falls as my eyes and a shake of my head tell her it's just not worth the fight. Shizune's dug in her heels on this one. There's no uprooting her.
["So now what?"] I ask as we all slide out of the booth and stand. I glance at the windows and am surprised to see the angle of the sun. I hadn't realized how long we'd been in here, it must be approaching mid-afternoon.
Shizune smiles at Misha and I as she slides out of the booth last, stretching slightly as she stands beside me. [There's a couple of shops in town that I'd always wanted to visit, but never had time during the school year, between classes, Student Council, and everything else. How about we go and look around?]
I nod silently as Misha squeals, ["I love shopping!"]
The piercing pitch of her answer causes me to blink a few times as my ears recover. Glancing over at Shizune, I see her giggling silently at me, her hand covering her mouth. She beams at me as I look back at her, and I can't help but return her smile. We turn to go and I'm surprised by her hand finding mine, our fingers entwining as we three start to walk out of The Shanghai, perhaps for the last time.
As sad as I am when we cross the threshold into the warm rays of the sun outside, the touch of Shizune's hand in mine and the sight of her next to me gives me comfort. I glance over at Misha, who's smiling from ear to ear as we depart and I feel a bittersweet happiness. I squeeze Shizune's hand tightly as we walk, causing her to glance over at me,her eyes looking partly over the tops of her glasses. That dark blue gaze meets mine immediately and she lifts an eyebrow, quietly asking if everything is alright.
I beam at her with a joyous smile, my eyes filled with love for her and happiness as I nod, gripping her hand firmly. She smiles widely at me, squeezing my hand back just as tightly. Reaching out, she takes Misha's hand in her free one and smiles at our friend. I likewise look over at her and meet Misha's gaze. The pink haired girl looks back at us with a happy expression, but one that is not untouched by the twinge of sadness at the pending end of our trio.
Wordlessly, Shizune takes the lead, just as she always has. She guides us down the quaint streets of the cozy little hamlet, winding us through the nameless roads until we come upon a small, obscure shop. I reach forward to open the door for the two young ladies that accompany me, smiling at them as they file in, each meeting my gaze with a cute smile.
Stepping in after them, I'm taken by the stillness of the small store as an aura of light washes over me. I look ahead of me to see aisle after aisle of open, glass shelving. Upon every tier of every row are a seemingly endless assortments of glass figurines of all shapes and sizes. The sun pours in from a skylight overhead, causing the whole room to sparkle as the rays of light reflect and cascade through the innumerable sculptures arrayed throughout the room. It's as if the shop owner had captured the sun and set it out for display.
I hear Misha suck in her breath as she sees the sight before us. I glance over at Shizune who simply looks around with a quiet smile, taking it all in. Clearly she's been here before, and now she simply relaxes while the beauty of the shop's wares spills over us like the crystal waves of a glass ocean, lapping upon a gleaming shore in a idyllic and, far, far away from here.
[This is amazing,] I sign in silence, unable to bring myself to disturb the perfect stillness of the store with the coarseness of any words I might force through my throat.
[It really is,] Misha signs in agreement. We look about us in amazement. I'm partly amazed that she also chose to stay silent, though not so surprised. It seems like sacrilege to disturb this room with any noise at all.
[I love coming here,] Shizune signs with a blissful smile. Looking at her, I can't remember ever seeing such a serene expression on her face. It makes me very happy to see her like this. [It's so peaceful.]
She signs nothing more, only stares at the scene before her for a while, her eyes slowly roaming over the rows of luminescent shelving arrayed through the room. I watch her in silence for a while, finding myself unable to look away from the blissful expression on her face. The slight smile that blooms on her face makes me think she knows I'm watching her.
I look away to likewise enjoy the view before us, my eyes wandering from shelf to shelf, studying at the countless variety of statuettes, large and small. Some are colored a variety of different hues, while many are the purest white crystal and glass. The light leaps about the room like a lithe dancer, captivating me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Shizune sign to Misha [Come here, I want to show you these,] she says with a wide grin. The two girls wander off while signing to each other in constant conversation. I watch them move deeper into the shop, smiling widely at the sight of them, so happy together. It's natural for me to decide not to follow. They should get some time to themselves. After today, I'll have Shizune all to myself, but we won't see Misha for a very long time.
Instead, I wander through the various aisles of glass and crystal, walking slowly, reverently. My eyes leisurely cast over the wares displayed before me as I smile serenely at the sights. Memories of the past year mingle with the fanciful visions invoked by the amazing sculptures arrayed before me on the seemingly endless clear shelving. I wander aimlessly through the shop, a feeling of contentment settling over me as I slowly make my way.
While I wander down one of the innumerable aisles, the sight of one sculpture in particular catches my eye and stops me in my tracks.
Sitting at only about 2 inches tall, I see a bright, purple, glass cat. It reminds me pointedly of the stuffed cat toy that I won for Shizune at the first festival, earlier in the year. I draw in a deep breath as I look at the tiny marvel before me, my lips curling into a wide smile. I pick up the statuette and look at it with wonder, realizing immediately what I have to do.
I glance about me. Neither of the girls are in sight. Quickly I make my way to the back of the shop, where the register sits. Behind it is an old woman, who smiles as she sees me approach.
"Find something you like?" she asks as I set down the cat.
"Yes, please," I whisper, glancing over my shoulder in alarm, fearing that her voice will draw Misha and thus Shizune over.
She nods, looking at the small sculpture. "A fine choice," she comments. "Is that for one of the young ladies you came in with?"
I flinch as she continues to talk, glancing over my shoulder again. "It is," I answer in a whisper, "though I was hoping it could be a surprise..."
The woman's eyes widen at my words and she cackles. "Oh, pardon me, young sir," she answers as she continues laughing. "I'm just a foolish old lady. Let me go ahead and take care of you. That'll be two thousand yen," she continues on, smiling at me from behind the counter.
The price makes me flinch, but it is definitely worth it. Grimacing, I pull out my money and lay it down on the counter. The woman nods as she picks up the cash and rings it up on the register. "Would you like a bag for that?" she asks
With a shake of my head I scoop up the cat, just as Misha rounds the corner from one of the shelves. "No thanks," I quickly mumble as I stuff the statue into my pocket, turning on my heel.
"Thank you," I tell her hurriedly as I glance back over again. Shizune follows out of the aisle, just behind Misha. The two are signing with each other as they slowly make their way, apparently too distracted by their conversation to notice me. I quickly duck into the nearest aisle, breathing a sigh of relief as I put some distance between me and the woman minding the shop.
Walking slowly down the row, I pretend to look at the various statues. Mostly though, I'm keeping an eye over my shoulder, watching to see if one or both of the girls comes down the way behind me. As I slowly meander along, I see no sign of them, nor do I hear them. Holding my breath, I listen intently for any sign of them. After a couple of minutes, I decide I'm in the clear and breathe a sigh of relief.
I turn around and nearly run headlong into Shizune. She's standing in front of me with crossed arms and a scowl. I jump out of my skin and cry out in surprise. My reaction draws out a giggle from Misha, who's standing behind my girlfriend. Shizune lifts an eyebrow at me.
[What are you doing?] she asks as she stares intently at me, her dark blue eyes probing while her hands move abruptly to sign out her sharp question.
I freeze in panic, looking back into her eyes with what I fear is a guilty look. [Nothing,] I manage to sign as she watches me with that penetrating gaze of hers. Forcing a smile, I add, [just looking around at all the lovely sculptures.]
Shizune's brow furrows while Misha giggles again, her gaze unwavering. [You're acting very strangely,] she signs further, her gaze growing all the more intense.
Trying to feign a confused look to cover up the guilty one I fear I've been showing, I ask with an innocent smile, [why do you say that?]
Wordlessly she studies me for the space of several moments, drawing out the silence to uncomfortable proportions while her piercing gaze keeps me pinned to the spot. Behind her, Misha continues to giggle, watching the scene unfold with impish enthusiasm. As she watches us, the knowing look in her eyes and wry smile makes me think that she knows what I'm up to. Our eyes meet for the briefest of moments and she smiles devilishly at me winking.
She knows.
Yet it seems she hasn't told Shizune, given the glower that my girlfriend is giving me.
I now smile widely at Shizune, which only adds to her irritation with me. She studies me with her unblinking stare, which I return confidently now. My grin grows as I look into her eyes, causing her scowl to deepen.
Finally, she signs in a huff, [You're abnormal.]
[Sure I am,] I sign back to her with a grin, while Misha laughs behind Shizune. [But since you love me, then what does that make you?]
Shizune rolls her eyes and signs without missing a beat, [a saint for putting up with you.]
Ouch.
With that, she grabs my hand and turns around to lead us both out of the store, ending our conversation. I meet Misha's gaze as Shizune drags me along. She smiles from ear to ear at me, still giggling.
"Thanks," I tell her quietly with a grin of my own, causing her to smile all the more. For once I'm quite glad that Shizune has no idea we're even talking, let alone what we're saying, since she's facing away from us.
"What'd you get her?" she asks just as softly. Idly, I wonder why we're both whispering, since Shizune could never hear our voices.
"I'll show you later," I promise, still whispering while winking at her and grinning along with her like the co-conspirator that she is. She nods in agreement, excitement scrawled across her face.
We leave the shop, the two of us hustling behind Shizune's typical hurried steps as she drags us out into the street and onto the next shop.
Great chapter! I love the cat statue thing, one of my favorite thing in fictions is when the author brings up things from the original to advance the story.
monkeywitha6pack wrote:Great chapter! I love the cat statue thing, one of my favorite thing in fictions is when the author brings up things from the original to advance the story.
Agreed, couldn't help but read it with a smile on my face the entire time
monkeywitha6pack wrote:Great chapter! I love the cat statue thing, one of my favorite thing in fictions is when the author brings up things from the original to advance the story.
Agreed, couldn't help but read it with a smile on my face the entire time
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