Dancing in My Head
Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 7:49 pm
Today is the first meeting of the Yamaku Science club, and there’s a star-studded lineup in place.
There’s me, Mutou… and as far as I know, no-one else. Even though we decided to meet during study hours, no-one wanted to be a part of two clubs at once—not yet.
I put some posters around the school, but given the general attitude of Yamaku, I doubt anyone will come.
Well, they don’t know what they’re missing. The hallways are dim at this time of day, blending in perfectly with the fading daylight outside.
I open the door to Mutou’s classroom.
As always, I’m bathed in the cold, white light of fluorescents. I blink.
I make out the tall, brown-jacketed form of Mutou, slumped at his desk.
Wait.
There’s also a student. Purple hair, tanned skin… lithe figure slumping at desk, twirling a lock of her hair.
Miura.
Both their heads turn as I enter the room. I wonder why Miki’s here? Detention? I doubt she’s interested in the science club.
“Hi Mr. Mutou.”
Mutou looks up, a smile forming on his stubble-filled, worn out, face. It’s after hours, so he’s understandably a little tired.
I guess I should say hello to Miki too.
“Hi, Miki.”
She shoots me a grin, then slumps back on her desk. Mutou looks at her, then returns his smiling gaze to me.
“Hey, Nakai. Guess who decided to join Science Club?”
No way.
He gestures at Miki.
“Miss Miura here was meeting with me to discuss her last exam--”
he pulls a slightly wry face. Gotta love Mutou.
“--And I mentioned that I would be staying late to mentor Science club. After a few questions, she decided to join.”
I look at Miki for assent. The way it sounds, Mutou made Miki join at gunpoint for extra credit or something… but I’m glad it’s not just me and Mutou in a room discussing science.
I like him and all, but it’d just feel a bit lonely. With Miki, I feel a lot better about starting this club.
Mutou opens his mouth to begin.
“So… everyone… welcome to the first meeting of the Yamaku Science Club.”
Light applause from Miki and me.
“Today we’re going to discuss an interesting physics problem I found on the internet.”
He pauses, looking at us to check if we’re still paying attention. Miki is struggling to hold back a yawn, her head already leaning on the wall.
“As we have discussed in class previously, matter cannot exceed the speed of light in vacuum, by Einstein’s famous theory of relativity.”
Mutou takes the time to chalk up the famous formula: E=mc^2, on the board.
“However, let’s take this interesting situation. The speed of light is three million meters per second in vacuum.”
He draws a long line on the board.
“Say we construct a stick, three million meters long. Furthermore, neglecting the torque and forces present in classical rotational physics, this stick is a normal stick—by holding one end of it, you can manipulate it with your hand—mass and gravity is not an issue”
Mutou pauses to let this information sink in.
“Now what if we took hold of one end of this stick, and gave it a quick push. If we move the rod a meter or two, in less than a second, has the rod exceeded the speed of light?”
He returns to sit at his desk, a faint grin playing around the edges of his face.
Hmm. That’s actually pretty interesting. I read about this once in a science-fiction novel—according to Tsiolvolsky’s rocket equation, even a rocket composing 99% fuel can only read about 50% of light speed. Thus, this obviously isn’t right.
I look to Miki. She shoots me a look of pure boredom, followed by a “shoot me” gesture.
Guess her attendance at this club wasn’t voluntary.
The math checks out in this equation. I guess the only thing to question here… is the stick?
“Mr. Mutou, is the stick perfectly rigid in this problem?”
Mutou’s smile becomes wider, but he refuses to give up the cards.
“That’s part of the answer, Nakai. You’re almost there. Think about a lion tamer snapping a whip.”
Hrm. Ah.
“The force applied by pushing the rod slower than the speed of light, meaning that the rod does not move as suggested in the statement.”
Mutou flashes me a brilliant smile. He looks as pleased as punch.
“Excellent work, Nakai. The “push” will actually travel down the rod at around the speed of sound, since the force is a longitudinal wave. Thus, the end of the rod won’t move for a while, obeying Einstein’s theory of general relativity.”
Huh. That’s actually pretty cool. Mutou segues into the next problem.
“So, let’s take a look at another famous paradox—Schrödinger’s Cat….”
===================
I step out of Mutou’s room into the dark hallway. Science club lasted around 40 minutes, most of which Miki spent dozing. Still, I feel pretty good about it.
I don’t have much planned tonight. Homework is lightening up as finals come around the corner, but I’m pretty prepared. Maybe I’ll just read a book and go to bed. Tomorrow’s a Wednesday, but classes start late because of an assembly.
I hear the sidle of steps behind me. It’s probably Miki. She claps a hand on my shoulder.
“Shit, Hisao, I thought Mutou was never going to stop,” she sighs.
I slow my pace, allowing her to step beside me. She’s back to normal Miki now, out of her lethargic classroom stupor.
“Ya know, I spent most of that sleeping.”
I sort of noticed. I think Mutou did too—I don’t see how he couldn’t—but I’ll let her go on.
“But when I was awake, it looked like you guys were having a pretty successful meeting.”
She looks at me, a daring glint in her purple eyes.
“I think…this calls… for a celebration.”
Uh oh. I’m not too sure about this.
What Miki calls a celebration could involve anything from slightly lukewarm tapwater to three bottles of vodka.
“Let’s go into the city.” She shoots me a look of pure anticipation.
I look at my watch. It’s only 7PM. I don’t think it’d be bad to take some time off.
“Sounds like a plan.”
=======================
After boarding the bus into the city, we decide to look around for a café.
I've decided to forgo my sweater vest for the day—today’s ensemble consists of a light blue sweatshirt and jeans. My “city” outfit.
Miki’s wearing a yellow and black rugby shirt paired with black skinny jeans. I'd like to compare her to a bee, but the truth is she looks stunning.
“I’m pretty sure there’s a café down that block.”
“Lead the way, Captain Hisao.”
We set off, bathed in the neon glow of the city.
I look over at Miki. She’s strolling away, a slight smile on her lips. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that Miki’s a creature of the night.
The moonlight catches her tanned skin, giving her a warm, beautiful glow. Her purple hair shimmers in the moonlight, reflecting all the rays the sun couldn’t.
She catches me staring and gives me a saucy wink, but refrains from saying anything. She’s just enjoying the walk.
The café’s a big, yellow, glass cube set into a building. Inside, the walls are a bright orange yellow, and the tables and chairs the same color. In the night, you can spot it a block away—a huge orange glow that illuminates the street.
We step inside. As usual, it’s orange everywhere.
I’ve been to this café once before—it’s pretty famous around here—in the trendy “fashion” district of the city. It’s large enough to hold a crowd, and supposedly it’s a big deal if you’re seen there.
I order a coffee. Well, it’s actually a “grande Americano au lait.” The byproduct of too many silly American coffee chains. Sigh.
Miki steps up to the counter. For her, herbal tea. An odd choice—but then again—she doesn’t really seem like the coffee drinker. Energy drinks, yes, but not coffee.
We settle down into an orange table. I have to go to the bathroom—maybe drinking three coffees before Science club wasn’t a good idea.
“I’ll be right back, Miki.”
“Sure, Hisao.”
The only problem with coffee places like this is that there are these huge wooden dividers everywhere—meant to provide “personal” space. In reality, they just make you lost.
I find the bathroom, located in some godforsaken corner of the maze, complete my business, and get ready to head back.
That is, if I can find my way back.
Poking around the dividers, I spy a flash of golden-brown.
My heart jumps. I question myself, but I know better.
I’d know that color of hair anywhere.
Saki’s at a table of her own, bobbing to some tune through her earbuds. On the table lies a laptop, some scattered books, and a assortment of pens and pencils.
That, and what looks like the remains of three coffees.
Black, I’m sure.
I want to go over and say hello… but then maybe I don’t. Maybe it’s best if she’s left to her own world, and I’m left to mine. Maybe she doesn’t even want to say hello to me.
Which is fine. We’re not a couple anymore, nor are we even friends. I think.
Ugh.
This is all too confusing. I guess I should go find Miki.
Rounding another wooden corner, I find Miki calmly sipping her tea. A strange sight for someone normally bursting with energy.
“Hey, Miki.”
“’Sup, Hisao.”
I sit down and stare at my drink. I need to gather my thoughts.
I think I’m over Saki. We had a relationship, it was nice while it lasted, and while I didn’t want it to end, it did. It’s been around two months now. I’ve moved on.
I might not have done everything correctly, but I did them to the best of my knowledge.
I don’t think I would have played it any other way.
I had to confront Saki. I had to. There’s no way I could have let her keep lashing around at those around her. Not if I cared about her.
But deep inside, there’s that little voice whispering.
What if. What if you didn’t confront her? What if you did it in a different way?
I try to banish these thoughts from my mind. Can’t live in the past. I look to Miki, who sports a wry grin on her face.
“Saw her too, huh?”
“What?”
She reaches over and gives my coffee cup a gentle flick.
Ping.
“You know who I’m talking about, Hisao. It looked like you were writing an essay in there.”
She gives my head a flick for emphasis. Ouch.
Guess it’s time to ‘fess up.
“Yeah…” I trail off, not sure where to go.
To be honest, I never knew where Miki stood on Saki, or if she even cared. Besides Miki’s explosion on her at Fashion club, I don’t know much about their history.
“Ya know, Hisao, I always thought you two were a cute couple.”
I pause, coffee cup halfway to my lips.
Miki gently reaches over with her finger, tipping the mug until I’m forced to drink. She continues.
“I never really knew Saki. I thought she was too full on, ya’ know?”
A funny thing to say coming from Miki.
“But I always thought you two were a cute couple.”
Miki looks down into her tea, then back up at me.
“In a way… Saki sort of reminded me of myself. I can see it now. Star athlete, queen of the school, life was good. People bent over backwards to help me out, because life was so good. And it was. It really was. I could have lived forever.”
Miki makes a gesture with her stump. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her do that before.
“But you know, you don’t listen to that little voice inside of you once, and something stupid happens. And your friends invite you to the same parties, but it’s not the same, because they’ve got two hands… and you’ve got this.
In a way Hisao, you’ve lucked out, because you can walk the streets and no-one can tell. But me, Saki? We’re in the same boat, a little bit. I can’t ever be “normal,” because my hand will do all the talking.”
She gives a little dry snort at her joke.
“I was lucky when I came to Yamaku. All full of piss and vinegar, cocky, insulted by the idea of some “cripple school.” But on my first day I met Suzu… and then I met Takashi… and Lelouch… and Shizune and Misha and all of these people… and I came to realize—they’re just people like you and me.“
Miki’s voice takes on a note of passion, as her tea lies steaming quietly on the table.
“Suzu doesn’t need to be “cured” of narcolepsy, nor do I have to get another hand. At the end of the day, I’m Miki, and you’re Hisao, and that’s all that matters. Hands or not.”
Miki looks at me furiously, daring me to challenge. Her eyes blaze with a purple fury, fired up, daring to challenge, pushing the limits.
Miki looks at her stump again, and the fire leaves her eyes. She looks down. The purple fire has turned into small puddles, leftovers from the storm.
She heaves a sigh, taking a drink of her tea. The warm spice of earl grey assaults my nostrils.
“But like I said, Hisao, there are things I can’t do anymore. I can’t waltz into a party and pick up a drink, because I draw attention. I can’t ski with two poles, or ride a bike—“
She looks like she’s about to heave a sigh again, but instead takes another long pull of tea.
“--It’s just the little things you miss, Hisao. I can’t carry books in one hand, and my track shoes in the other. I can’t talk on a cell-phone and give my friend a high-five. I miss these things. I won’t pretend that I don’t. But I can’t get them back.”
Miki looks over in the general direction of Saki.
“I know Saki. I see a lot of the old me in her.”
Miki spreads her palms—her hand and her stump—on the table. She looks at me directly, the purple neither warm or cold—just straight.
“I won’t ever waltz around a party again. Fine. But Saki’s never done it. So she’s angry. And she lashes out at those around her, and when she’s not, she has to pretend. Because when you wake up every morning, and there’s just a wrap where your hand used to be, or a cane where your legs used to be—“
Or a hole where a father used to be.
“You can’t help but own up. Then you shower, and do your makeup—and you’ve got a choice for the day; you can either pretend you’ve got a hand; or you can choose the truth.”
Her eyes are burning again, but the fire’s dwindling down—the last sparks from a match.
“In a way, even though I didn’t like Saki, I wanted to be her friend. I saw so much of me in her—so much ‘bang!—and I missed that part of me, so much that it hurt. She reminded me of myself before my accident. So I went to Fashion club. And then she fought with Misha. And I couldn’t stand that. “
Miki exhales slowly.
“Because I saw it so clearly. It was me, arriving at Yamaku, waiting to punch the first person who stared at my lack of a hand through a wall. Until a dozy, blue-eyed girl, stumbled down the hall and fell asleep on my shoulder.”
She blinks, lost in her memories, before refocusing on me.
“But I always thought you, Hisao, stood the best chance of breaking down her walls. So she could wake up in the morning and not have to put a mask on, and then we could be friends. So I could be friends with the old Miki again. Even superheroes like me—
Miki pulls a grin, smiling at some sort of inside joke.
“--need a trusty lieutenant around.”
Miki flicks her purple tresses back, and as she does, she puts her stump underneath the table. I guess the topic’s closed.
Well, I can’t say I enjoyed being described as a chess piece in the giant game of Miki. But I get what she’s looking for. The same thing we’re all looking for.
A kindred soul.
A friend.
“So, Hisao, whaddya say we go see a movie?”
What?
“Wait… Miki… after all that serious talk, we’re just going to waltz off and see a movie?”
She shrugs.
“I don’t see why the two are related. Come on, let’s go see a horror flick.”
Huh.
Well, it’s not like Miki to stay focused on a topic anyway.
I guess, in a way, neither should I.
She gets up from the table, I get up from the table, and we stroll off into the night.
There’s me, Mutou… and as far as I know, no-one else. Even though we decided to meet during study hours, no-one wanted to be a part of two clubs at once—not yet.
I put some posters around the school, but given the general attitude of Yamaku, I doubt anyone will come.
Well, they don’t know what they’re missing. The hallways are dim at this time of day, blending in perfectly with the fading daylight outside.
I open the door to Mutou’s classroom.
As always, I’m bathed in the cold, white light of fluorescents. I blink.
I make out the tall, brown-jacketed form of Mutou, slumped at his desk.
Wait.
There’s also a student. Purple hair, tanned skin… lithe figure slumping at desk, twirling a lock of her hair.
Miura.
Both their heads turn as I enter the room. I wonder why Miki’s here? Detention? I doubt she’s interested in the science club.
“Hi Mr. Mutou.”
Mutou looks up, a smile forming on his stubble-filled, worn out, face. It’s after hours, so he’s understandably a little tired.
I guess I should say hello to Miki too.
“Hi, Miki.”
She shoots me a grin, then slumps back on her desk. Mutou looks at her, then returns his smiling gaze to me.
“Hey, Nakai. Guess who decided to join Science Club?”
No way.
He gestures at Miki.
“Miss Miura here was meeting with me to discuss her last exam--”
he pulls a slightly wry face. Gotta love Mutou.
“--And I mentioned that I would be staying late to mentor Science club. After a few questions, she decided to join.”
I look at Miki for assent. The way it sounds, Mutou made Miki join at gunpoint for extra credit or something… but I’m glad it’s not just me and Mutou in a room discussing science.
I like him and all, but it’d just feel a bit lonely. With Miki, I feel a lot better about starting this club.
Mutou opens his mouth to begin.
“So… everyone… welcome to the first meeting of the Yamaku Science Club.”
Light applause from Miki and me.
“Today we’re going to discuss an interesting physics problem I found on the internet.”
He pauses, looking at us to check if we’re still paying attention. Miki is struggling to hold back a yawn, her head already leaning on the wall.
“As we have discussed in class previously, matter cannot exceed the speed of light in vacuum, by Einstein’s famous theory of relativity.”
Mutou takes the time to chalk up the famous formula: E=mc^2, on the board.
“However, let’s take this interesting situation. The speed of light is three million meters per second in vacuum.”
He draws a long line on the board.
“Say we construct a stick, three million meters long. Furthermore, neglecting the torque and forces present in classical rotational physics, this stick is a normal stick—by holding one end of it, you can manipulate it with your hand—mass and gravity is not an issue”
Mutou pauses to let this information sink in.
“Now what if we took hold of one end of this stick, and gave it a quick push. If we move the rod a meter or two, in less than a second, has the rod exceeded the speed of light?”
He returns to sit at his desk, a faint grin playing around the edges of his face.
Hmm. That’s actually pretty interesting. I read about this once in a science-fiction novel—according to Tsiolvolsky’s rocket equation, even a rocket composing 99% fuel can only read about 50% of light speed. Thus, this obviously isn’t right.
I look to Miki. She shoots me a look of pure boredom, followed by a “shoot me” gesture.
Guess her attendance at this club wasn’t voluntary.
The math checks out in this equation. I guess the only thing to question here… is the stick?
“Mr. Mutou, is the stick perfectly rigid in this problem?”
Mutou’s smile becomes wider, but he refuses to give up the cards.
“That’s part of the answer, Nakai. You’re almost there. Think about a lion tamer snapping a whip.”
Hrm. Ah.
“The force applied by pushing the rod slower than the speed of light, meaning that the rod does not move as suggested in the statement.”
Mutou flashes me a brilliant smile. He looks as pleased as punch.
“Excellent work, Nakai. The “push” will actually travel down the rod at around the speed of sound, since the force is a longitudinal wave. Thus, the end of the rod won’t move for a while, obeying Einstein’s theory of general relativity.”
Huh. That’s actually pretty cool. Mutou segues into the next problem.
“So, let’s take a look at another famous paradox—Schrödinger’s Cat….”
===================
I step out of Mutou’s room into the dark hallway. Science club lasted around 40 minutes, most of which Miki spent dozing. Still, I feel pretty good about it.
I don’t have much planned tonight. Homework is lightening up as finals come around the corner, but I’m pretty prepared. Maybe I’ll just read a book and go to bed. Tomorrow’s a Wednesday, but classes start late because of an assembly.
I hear the sidle of steps behind me. It’s probably Miki. She claps a hand on my shoulder.
“Shit, Hisao, I thought Mutou was never going to stop,” she sighs.
I slow my pace, allowing her to step beside me. She’s back to normal Miki now, out of her lethargic classroom stupor.
“Ya know, I spent most of that sleeping.”
I sort of noticed. I think Mutou did too—I don’t see how he couldn’t—but I’ll let her go on.
“But when I was awake, it looked like you guys were having a pretty successful meeting.”
She looks at me, a daring glint in her purple eyes.
“I think…this calls… for a celebration.”
Uh oh. I’m not too sure about this.
What Miki calls a celebration could involve anything from slightly lukewarm tapwater to three bottles of vodka.
“Let’s go into the city.” She shoots me a look of pure anticipation.
I look at my watch. It’s only 7PM. I don’t think it’d be bad to take some time off.
“Sounds like a plan.”
=======================
After boarding the bus into the city, we decide to look around for a café.
I've decided to forgo my sweater vest for the day—today’s ensemble consists of a light blue sweatshirt and jeans. My “city” outfit.
Miki’s wearing a yellow and black rugby shirt paired with black skinny jeans. I'd like to compare her to a bee, but the truth is she looks stunning.
“I’m pretty sure there’s a café down that block.”
“Lead the way, Captain Hisao.”
We set off, bathed in the neon glow of the city.
I look over at Miki. She’s strolling away, a slight smile on her lips. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that Miki’s a creature of the night.
The moonlight catches her tanned skin, giving her a warm, beautiful glow. Her purple hair shimmers in the moonlight, reflecting all the rays the sun couldn’t.
She catches me staring and gives me a saucy wink, but refrains from saying anything. She’s just enjoying the walk.
The café’s a big, yellow, glass cube set into a building. Inside, the walls are a bright orange yellow, and the tables and chairs the same color. In the night, you can spot it a block away—a huge orange glow that illuminates the street.
We step inside. As usual, it’s orange everywhere.
I’ve been to this café once before—it’s pretty famous around here—in the trendy “fashion” district of the city. It’s large enough to hold a crowd, and supposedly it’s a big deal if you’re seen there.
I order a coffee. Well, it’s actually a “grande Americano au lait.” The byproduct of too many silly American coffee chains. Sigh.
Miki steps up to the counter. For her, herbal tea. An odd choice—but then again—she doesn’t really seem like the coffee drinker. Energy drinks, yes, but not coffee.
We settle down into an orange table. I have to go to the bathroom—maybe drinking three coffees before Science club wasn’t a good idea.
“I’ll be right back, Miki.”
“Sure, Hisao.”
The only problem with coffee places like this is that there are these huge wooden dividers everywhere—meant to provide “personal” space. In reality, they just make you lost.
I find the bathroom, located in some godforsaken corner of the maze, complete my business, and get ready to head back.
That is, if I can find my way back.
Poking around the dividers, I spy a flash of golden-brown.
My heart jumps. I question myself, but I know better.
I’d know that color of hair anywhere.
Saki’s at a table of her own, bobbing to some tune through her earbuds. On the table lies a laptop, some scattered books, and a assortment of pens and pencils.
That, and what looks like the remains of three coffees.
Black, I’m sure.
I want to go over and say hello… but then maybe I don’t. Maybe it’s best if she’s left to her own world, and I’m left to mine. Maybe she doesn’t even want to say hello to me.
Which is fine. We’re not a couple anymore, nor are we even friends. I think.
Ugh.
This is all too confusing. I guess I should go find Miki.
Rounding another wooden corner, I find Miki calmly sipping her tea. A strange sight for someone normally bursting with energy.
“Hey, Miki.”
“’Sup, Hisao.”
I sit down and stare at my drink. I need to gather my thoughts.
I think I’m over Saki. We had a relationship, it was nice while it lasted, and while I didn’t want it to end, it did. It’s been around two months now. I’ve moved on.
I might not have done everything correctly, but I did them to the best of my knowledge.
I don’t think I would have played it any other way.
I had to confront Saki. I had to. There’s no way I could have let her keep lashing around at those around her. Not if I cared about her.
But deep inside, there’s that little voice whispering.
What if. What if you didn’t confront her? What if you did it in a different way?
I try to banish these thoughts from my mind. Can’t live in the past. I look to Miki, who sports a wry grin on her face.
“Saw her too, huh?”
“What?”
She reaches over and gives my coffee cup a gentle flick.
Ping.
“You know who I’m talking about, Hisao. It looked like you were writing an essay in there.”
She gives my head a flick for emphasis. Ouch.
Guess it’s time to ‘fess up.
“Yeah…” I trail off, not sure where to go.
To be honest, I never knew where Miki stood on Saki, or if she even cared. Besides Miki’s explosion on her at Fashion club, I don’t know much about their history.
“Ya know, Hisao, I always thought you two were a cute couple.”
I pause, coffee cup halfway to my lips.
Miki gently reaches over with her finger, tipping the mug until I’m forced to drink. She continues.
“I never really knew Saki. I thought she was too full on, ya’ know?”
A funny thing to say coming from Miki.
“But I always thought you two were a cute couple.”
Miki looks down into her tea, then back up at me.
“In a way… Saki sort of reminded me of myself. I can see it now. Star athlete, queen of the school, life was good. People bent over backwards to help me out, because life was so good. And it was. It really was. I could have lived forever.”
Miki makes a gesture with her stump. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her do that before.
“But you know, you don’t listen to that little voice inside of you once, and something stupid happens. And your friends invite you to the same parties, but it’s not the same, because they’ve got two hands… and you’ve got this.
In a way Hisao, you’ve lucked out, because you can walk the streets and no-one can tell. But me, Saki? We’re in the same boat, a little bit. I can’t ever be “normal,” because my hand will do all the talking.”
She gives a little dry snort at her joke.
“I was lucky when I came to Yamaku. All full of piss and vinegar, cocky, insulted by the idea of some “cripple school.” But on my first day I met Suzu… and then I met Takashi… and Lelouch… and Shizune and Misha and all of these people… and I came to realize—they’re just people like you and me.“
Miki’s voice takes on a note of passion, as her tea lies steaming quietly on the table.
“Suzu doesn’t need to be “cured” of narcolepsy, nor do I have to get another hand. At the end of the day, I’m Miki, and you’re Hisao, and that’s all that matters. Hands or not.”
Miki looks at me furiously, daring me to challenge. Her eyes blaze with a purple fury, fired up, daring to challenge, pushing the limits.
Miki looks at her stump again, and the fire leaves her eyes. She looks down. The purple fire has turned into small puddles, leftovers from the storm.
She heaves a sigh, taking a drink of her tea. The warm spice of earl grey assaults my nostrils.
“But like I said, Hisao, there are things I can’t do anymore. I can’t waltz into a party and pick up a drink, because I draw attention. I can’t ski with two poles, or ride a bike—“
She looks like she’s about to heave a sigh again, but instead takes another long pull of tea.
“--It’s just the little things you miss, Hisao. I can’t carry books in one hand, and my track shoes in the other. I can’t talk on a cell-phone and give my friend a high-five. I miss these things. I won’t pretend that I don’t. But I can’t get them back.”
Miki looks over in the general direction of Saki.
“I know Saki. I see a lot of the old me in her.”
Miki spreads her palms—her hand and her stump—on the table. She looks at me directly, the purple neither warm or cold—just straight.
“I won’t ever waltz around a party again. Fine. But Saki’s never done it. So she’s angry. And she lashes out at those around her, and when she’s not, she has to pretend. Because when you wake up every morning, and there’s just a wrap where your hand used to be, or a cane where your legs used to be—“
Or a hole where a father used to be.
“You can’t help but own up. Then you shower, and do your makeup—and you’ve got a choice for the day; you can either pretend you’ve got a hand; or you can choose the truth.”
Her eyes are burning again, but the fire’s dwindling down—the last sparks from a match.
“In a way, even though I didn’t like Saki, I wanted to be her friend. I saw so much of me in her—so much ‘bang!—and I missed that part of me, so much that it hurt. She reminded me of myself before my accident. So I went to Fashion club. And then she fought with Misha. And I couldn’t stand that. “
Miki exhales slowly.
“Because I saw it so clearly. It was me, arriving at Yamaku, waiting to punch the first person who stared at my lack of a hand through a wall. Until a dozy, blue-eyed girl, stumbled down the hall and fell asleep on my shoulder.”
She blinks, lost in her memories, before refocusing on me.
“But I always thought you, Hisao, stood the best chance of breaking down her walls. So she could wake up in the morning and not have to put a mask on, and then we could be friends. So I could be friends with the old Miki again. Even superheroes like me—
Miki pulls a grin, smiling at some sort of inside joke.
“--need a trusty lieutenant around.”
Miki flicks her purple tresses back, and as she does, she puts her stump underneath the table. I guess the topic’s closed.
Well, I can’t say I enjoyed being described as a chess piece in the giant game of Miki. But I get what she’s looking for. The same thing we’re all looking for.
A kindred soul.
A friend.
“So, Hisao, whaddya say we go see a movie?”
What?
“Wait… Miki… after all that serious talk, we’re just going to waltz off and see a movie?”
She shrugs.
“I don’t see why the two are related. Come on, let’s go see a horror flick.”
Huh.
Well, it’s not like Miki to stay focused on a topic anyway.
I guess, in a way, neither should I.
She gets up from the table, I get up from the table, and we stroll off into the night.