Katawa Shoujo Forums

So...
Anyone ever told you about this stuff called suspension? You know, creating and sustaining it?
What you had here was the beginning of a story. You introduced an antagnist with Apocalypse, you put one of the protagonist in danger... You could have filled a storyarc with this.
And then you have Hisao rescue her in the space of three paragraphs. The end.

Almost worse, you wasted pages of your story racounting the background of characters that don't matter to your story at all, and now youhave three antagonists that get a short physical description and then get beaten OFF SCREEN!
What you could have done was a confrontation spanning the whole plaza, with each of those horsemen fighting one of the x-men, while Hisao confronted Hanako. I would have suggested switching between the fights every few paragraphs. Not necessary to drag it out too long, but this feels like you lost your motivation less than halfway in.

Oh, and how does Hisao know how to address this x-23 person? She never introduces herself, and we don't even learn what powers she has...

Mirage_GSM wrote:So...
Anyone ever told you about this stuff called suspension? You know, creating and sustaining it?
What you had here was the beginning of a story. You introduced an antagnist with Apocalypse, you put one of the protagonist in danger... You could have filled a storyarc with this.
And then you have Hisao rescue her in the space of three paragraphs. The end.

Almost worse, you wasted pages of your story racounting the background of characters that don't matter to your story at all, and now youhave three antagonists that get a short physical description and then get beaten OFF SCREEN!
What you could have done was a confrontation spanning the whole plaza, with each of those horsemen fighting one of the x-men, while Hisao confronted Hanako. I would have suggested switching between the fights every few paragraphs. Not necessary to drag it out too long, but this feels like you lost your motivation less than halfway in.

Oh, and how does Hisao know how to address this x-23 person? She never introduces herself, and we don't even learn what powers she has...

I am sorry you don't like it. I fully admit that I am still learning and am likely making mistakes with my writing...Is it really that awful? I mean, I worked very hard and I thought I was doing alright, thought I admit it could use some fine-tuning...

I mean, I was trying to not focus on fights so much as the personal relationships between the characters, which is why I abbreviated the fights, and I know I tend to get bogged down in exposition, but I'm trying to do better in that regard.

What does everyone else think? I mean, I have five more chapters, but if I'm really sucking that bad, should I post them?

You should finish the story, yes. May I ask why you didn't post the chapters as you were writing them? I think having running input/advice wouldhave been a great help, compared to getting it with the story fully written.
Don't give up, its obvious you put a lot of love and effort in, and I admire that, even if the finished product isn't too great.

You should always finish what you start no matter how long it takes; if everyone stopped after the first bit of negative criticism nothing would ever get done. I know negative criticism well given the kinds of things I write about and believe me, you just have to take it for what it's worth and promise yourself you will do better next time (or, hell, go back through what you've already done and give it an injection of what you've learned along the way if that's what it takes).

In the way of criticism, I have little to say other than what has already been said: The writing is fast-paced, which can be a good thing if done well. You also have to be wary of keeping track of your plot points so as to not get them flipped around, which is becoming more difficult as we're getting into the meat of the story. Working on spacing is also something you might want to consider; we go from huge blocks of descriptive text to vast spaces to denote time lapses without a moment's notice.

After all is said and done though, despite the quickness of the resolution, I'm liking the story so far. It's unique in both concept and execution, and I am confident with some experimentation you will hone your own writing style by the end of it.

I never said I didn't like it...
I 'll reply in more detail to your PM.

I thought chapter 10 was one of your best. I actually liked that you skipped over the fight with the other three horsemen, as I don't actually think the battles were the point of this whole story.

As for how much background of Marvel characters to use, I suggest going very minimal. Any fans of the comics can appreciate the tiny detail, anyone who doesn't care isn't held up by too much explanation.

Alright. I'll finish it. Maybe write a sequel, not sure. However, it's going to be a while before I post the last five chapters, as looking at them I realize they need some substantial revision. And I mean substantial. So it's going to be while. Just so you all know.

Take however much time you need. In the past and under a different penname, it was sometimes months between updates in some of my old stories.

Actually, upon revision I've found that I have a general idea on how to work with it, so hopefully it'll only be a few days. Whether it's any good... Time will tell.

Note to everyone reading this fic: I will be performing revisions to the early chapters in order to hopefully make it flow better. A BIG thank you to Oddball, for giving me feedback on how to improve. Anyway, here is chapter 11.
Chapter 11: Resurrection.

“Emi?”

Emi looked up from her spot where she was cooling down after her run, and nearly fell over.

“Yuuko?” She asked.

“Yes, it's me. Um. Is something wrong?” The red haired lady said. She looked extremely disheveled, like she had been sleeping on the street.

Emi's mouth was agape. “This is impossible...Simply impossible...”

“Emi...”

“Yuuko... You're dead.” Emi blurted it out.

Yuuko gave her a sad look, but didn't respond.

“Yuuko, you died in a car accident five months ago! I attended your funeral! Did you feign your death or something? If so, I hope it was for a really good reason. I mean, we all took your passing very hard. Hisao was majorly upset, I felt horrible, Hanako cried. And now you come up and show that you're alive-”

“I did die.” Yuuko said, embarrassed.

“What?”

Yuuko looked down at her feet. “I did die in that wreck.”

Emi stared at her. Yuuko continued “I was, well... Umm.. I guess you could say I was caught. I wound up in a gray city, mostly barren of life. I don't know how long I was there. Then recently I felt you...nearby. Umm...” she searched for the words.

“Did you sense me as a beacon?” Emi asked incredulously.

“Yes. That’s exactly it. I just had this feeling that if I could find you, I could....return.. I guess.”

“Wait, are you saying I raised you from the dead?”

“Not exactly....” Yuuko fidgeted a bit with her hands, clearly having diffcult finding the words to explain.

“Then what do you mean?”

“I...umm...” Yuuko swallowed “I guess I was lost, but I found my way back. Does that make sense?”

Emi scratched her head, then looked at her for a long while and finally said, “Its starting to.”

“Good! Good. The thing is...”

“Yes?”

“I um...Since I was dead, my assets were distributed according to my will....not that I blame them...” Yuuko winced.

“I'm not sure if I can help with that.”

“Yes... well... I just was hoping you knew what to do...”

“When did you come back?”

“About a week ago. I considered talking to you, but you seemed like you were discussing things...”

Emi looked at her sadly, “I want to help, I really do, I am just not sure how. Let me call some of my friends. Do you have any family you can stay with?”

Yuuko shook her head, “Not...nearby. Most of them are on the other side of Japan...”

Emi nodded and pulled out her phone and dialed a number. After a few minutes, she took it away from her ear “Hisao's not answering.”

“Oh, Hisao? How is he doing?”

“It's complicated. Let me try a different number.”

She dialed a second number. Then took it away from her head again. “I forgot, Max is out of town. Who else might have an idea on how to proceed...” Emi began pacing in a circle. “Shizune never answers my texts, the X-corp is mainly for people with powers...You don't have powers, do you?”

“Not as far as I know....”

“Figured as much... I got it! Come this way!” She immediately started dashing towards a nearby bus stop. Yuuko followed the best as she could, and arrived just as the bus pulled up. The two got on.

“Where we going?” Yuuko asked.

“To see this one guy. He's a nutcase, but he seems to know more about superpowers and resurrections than anyone else I know. He knew Hisao and the rest of us were going to gain powers before anyone else.”

“You have powers?”

“Short version, yes.This is the second time now someone has claimed they saw me as a 'beacon' in a gray city. I am beginning to suspect Max was right when he said I could 'call lost souls' or something. Anyway, as looney as the guy is, Kenji knows a bit about this stuff. Provided you can separate his actual knowledge from his anti-feminist ramblings.”

“Kenji?” Yuuko asked, a note of surprise creeping into her voice.

“Yeah, you remember him from Yamaku, right?”

“Of course. We dated for a while.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yes...

“I can't believe that! Kenji had a GIRLFRIEND?” Emi slapped her thigh in laughter “I never would have guessed! I would have thought Mr. feminist conspiracy wouldn't even entertain the idea!”

Yuuko's face turned crimson, but she didn't respond.

The bus stopped and Yuuko and Emi got off. After a brief walk, they arrived at a small house. Emi knocked on the door. There was a sound of at least seven locks being undone, and the door opened a crack. Kenji's eyeball peeked out. Then he opened the door the rest of the way. The moment he saw Yuuko, he stopped dead in his tracks.

When Emi had been told Kenji had once been Yuuko's boyfriend, she had immediately assumed he would freak out upon seeing her. But he didn't. Instead, he just stood there and stared at her.

“Kenji?” Yuuko asked “I've missed you, why didn't you ever call me?”

Kenji just stared at her.

“Are you alright? Still fighting the feminists?”

Kenji still stared at her.

“Kenji...?”

Kenji twitched slightly.

“I think you broke his brain.” Emi stated.

Kenji opened his mouth, then closed it again.

“You're dead.” He stated flatly “Are you a clone?”

“No, I've kinda... returned...” Yuuko replied

“Doppleganger? Parallel universe version? Robot? Time traveler from the past? Skrull? Kree warrior? Pheonix force duplicate? Illusion in my mind? Living dream? Assassin with an image inducer? Shapeshifter? Actress modified at a genetic level? Clone? Wait, I already said clone.”

“No Kenji, I'm me.”

He stared at her. “Prove it.”

“Honeymuffin.”

Kenji's mouth dropped open.

“What does Honeymuffin mean?” Emi asked

“It's a code phrase,” Kenji answered. “I use code phrases a lot. Helps me tell whose on the level and who isn't.”

“Kenji, why did you leave?” Yukko asked “I thought we had something together.”

“Because you,” he replied, pointing at Yuuko accusingly, “Started stealing my life energy when we had sex.”

“Kenji...no...that's.. not...”

“Yes, that time we had sex, I started feeling tired and sleepy! That shouldn't happen!”

“Kenji, I don't know why you felt that way, but I would never hurt you.”

“Really? I think its more likely you're an immortal succubus who enjoys taking my lifeforce.”

“Kenji..”

“Are you some kind of feminist or something? I thought you were sane, unlike almost every girl I've met, but I think-”

“Kenji,” Emi started. She had to step in before this got any worse. “Yuuko needs help. She's returned from the dead, and is pretty much destitute as her resources were divided up after she died. I was hoping you could help her. Hisao told me you could win the lottery at will, can you please find it in your heart to give her a boost?”

Kenji stared at Emi. Then at Yuuko, then at Emi again. “You're a friend of Hisao's, right?”

“Yes.”

“I trust Hisao with my life, so I think I trust you enough to get your viewpoint on this situation. How would you explain the fact she stole my life energy?”

Emi's first impulse was to try to explain that it was probably a normal medical phenomenon, that nobody enjoys the first time they had sex. But then she thought better of it. When dealing with a lunatic, the trick was to be just as insane as they were. Finally she said “Perhaps she was using it to power an machine that fed off life energy and detected feminists from miles around.”

Kenji's eyes widened behind his glasses, and he started laughing,“Ah, a cerebro for feminists! That's brilliant! Is that right, Yuuko?”

“Um.. yes..” Yuuko said.

“Good! Very Good! Explains a lot!” Kenji smiled. “I got a safehouse on the other side of town, you can stay there.” he pulled out a large ring of keys from his pocket and took one off. Then he pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled an address on it. “Yes, here you go. I keep about ten safehouses in operation at any one time. You can have this one. I'll stop by later on and drop off some cash so you can get some clothes and stuff.” he handed the key and paper to Yuuko.

“Thank you very much. I am so grateful.” Yuuko said.

“Eh, we gotta stick together, don't we? I kinda regret rushing off without giving you a chance to explain this device you're building. I really should have known you were on my side. Uh, I'll be in touch. Right now I’ve got to reprogram my car.” He closed the door. Yuuko looked at Emi.

“Reprogram his car?” Yuuko repeated

“It's a long story.”











Hisao gave Lilly a big kiss as the two of them strode out of their last class.

“You've been upbeat lately,” Lilly remarked.

“Just so happy to be alive.” Hisao replied “I lived my life in the shadow of death for so long it's such a relief to not have to worry about that. I figured I wouldn't live to see middle age. But I can. And I will. With you.”

Lilly giggled a little, “It's good to see you in such spirits. Is your training going well?”

“Very well. Learning more about illusion casting and mental alterations. I think in a few weeks I'll be able to perform the psychic manipulations needed to...well, Psylocke called it psychic surgery. Or something like that.”

“Still focused on my seeing, are you?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just feel it's important. Is that a problem?

“It's alright. I don't mind. I admit I am curious as to what colors look like to be honest. And art sounds nice as well. It's not the huge deal you were making it out to be, but it does sound interesting.”

“Well, pretty soon you can find out. I just have to be careful. This isn't something I can afford to screw up.”

“I can understand why.” Lilly smiled.

“Any luck with molecular manipulation?”

“No, no change. So far I'm thinking I can only talk to objects, not command them. Pity, that kind of ability would come in handy in so many situations... By the way, has there been any change in Hanako?”

“She seems to want space. I'm respecting her wishes in that.”

“Yes, well, I just worry about her.”

“Me too.” Hisao responded softly, “She's been spending a lot of time alone. I've been trying to meet with her, but she seems to be avoiding us. The brainwashing really did a number on her.”

“You don't think she'll go back to how she used to be, do you?”

“Not at all, she's far too strong for that. I mean, she turned her life around 180 degrees since I met her. I have every faith that if she needs something, she'll ask. I think she just needs time. ”

“Alright, if you think so.”

“I know so.”





As Hanako paced around her room, she ran her fingers through her hair. This wasn't working. At first, she had wanted to be alone, but that only made her feel even more miserable than she was. Then she had tried to spend time with Trevor, but it didn't help her anxiety any. All she could see when she closed her eyes was Hisao screaming in pain as she prepared to pop his head like a grape. She just wanted to feel better, like she had before the past week's events. She then sat on the bed and started to cry, feeling overwhelmed. Why couldn't things have just stayed like they had been? She then heard a popping sound behind her.

“Rin?” she asked, turning around to face the aubrun-haired artist who had just appeared in her room.

“I'm here,” The girl said, as she looked at Hanako sadly, “Are you okay?”

“No, I'm not,” Hanako said, trying to stop the tears from flowing. “I nearly killed Hisao.”

“I know.” Rin said softly “But it doesn't help to keep dwelling on this.”

“Don't you think I know that? Believe me, if I knew how to stop, I would.” Hanako's voice started to crack, “Why are you here anyway?”

“I wanted to help. I know my mind isn't straight like everyone's, but I can't let a good person act invisible.” Rin looked down and then looked back up “I'm medium bad at communicating, but doing nothing would just lead to more nothing.”

Hanako was a bit confused at that last statement, “So, you want to help?”

“Yes.”

“That's very sweet of you, but I don't think this can be helped. I...I just wish...” Hanako buried her face in her arms. Rin walked up and leaned against her, placing her head on Hanako's shoulder

“If I had arms,” Rin said sadly, “I'd give you a hug. I don't, but I want you better. You are a good person.”

Hanako looked at Rin, and the magnitude of those words struck her. When Trevor, or Lilly, or even Hisao told her that, she had trouble believing it. They loved her, yes, but she still felt like a monster after what she nearly did, and thought her friends were just covering up that fact. But Rin... She knew one thing about Rin. Rin never lied. She couldn't lie. Her mind prevented that. Whatever she said, she truly believed.

“I...I...” Hanako began and then broke down. “You think so?” She finally got out.

“Yes.” Rin replied

“But I nearly killed Hisao...”

“Hisao's alive.”

“Yes, but if he hadn't snapped me out of that state...”

Rin paced around the room some, then stopped and stared at Hanako. “Hisao's alive” She said plainly “Why wallow in this state?”

“I just can't stop thinking about it. It's going around and around in my mind and I can't make it stop.”

“Then think about something else. When bad things happen to me, they don't bother me because I think about two things at once. It used to be four, but my medication cuts it down to two. So I just put the sad stuff in one mind-track and focus on the other.” She looked at Hanako and shrugged “But I guess you can't do that.”

“Not really,” Hanako shook her head. “

Rin nodded. “Would you like to come to my studio?”

Hanako sobbed deeply for a moment, then choked out. “I guess.”

There was a popping sound, and the scene suddenly changed. The two girls reappeared in Rin's apartment. It was crowded with paintings, some finished as much as Hanako could tell, others in various states of completion.

Hanako looked through the paintings, taking in the abstraction. Then she noticed one in the corner that was actually well defined. It portrayed a blue skinned man in a yellow robe.

“This is interesting,” Hanako remarked, “Not your usual style.”

“I call that one En-dwi-gast.”

“You actually gave it a name?”

“En-Dwi-Gast is his name. It felt right to paint it. Not sure why,” Rin shrugged. “Its like a man who could understand everything I see. So that maybe I wouldn't have to be alone in my art. I've been trying to diversify lately, do paintings that show the world the way I see it, yet in a form other people can understand as well. It's hard. Very hard. I've done a few though, that is one.”

“Did you get his figure from anything in particular?”

“A hunch.”

“Pardon?”

“It just felt like something real. Someone I could meet. I hope he is.”

Hanako wasn't sure how to reply to that, so she didn't.

“Rin,” she finally said, her tears slowing down somewhat, “You said I'm a good person. But I nearly killed Hisao. How can I be a good person when I nearly killed my best friend? I feel like a monster.” Hanko could guess what Rin would say next, that mind control wasn't her fault and she shouldn't blame herself. Easier said than done. She should have been more careful, not let herself been taken...

“Would you forgive Hisao if he had nearly killed you instead?” Rin replied. Hanako was a bit startled at the question.

“I...I...” Hanako stammered “Yes.” She finally said.

Rin shrugged, “There's your answer.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hisao forgave you. Lilly forgave you. All that remains is for you to forgive yourself. Rather than hurting. Give yourself the same breaks you'd give other people.”

“How?”

Rin looked at Hanako for a long time. Finally she motioned with one armless sleeve to a stack of paintings on a counter.

“Third from the top.” She said plainly.

Hanako nodded and picked up the top two paintings and put the aside, then she let out a small gasp. The third painting showed a woman with four white wings and six arms dressed in a white dress standing tall and holding up what appeared to be a ball of light against a dark background. The figure looked positively angelic, and most striking was that it had Hanako's face. The grey-purple eyes, the small nose, the long bangs that covered much of the right side of the face... It was definitely Hanako.

“I...” Hanako began.

“That's how I see you.” Rin said simply, “A light in the darkness. A voice through the music. A smell beneath the senses... You're like how it is when you're in a crowded room and everybody's talking very loudly and then all of sudden you hear your name being said from the other side... Am I making sense?”

Hanako gave a small smile and wiped away her tears, “You really think that much of me?”

Rin gave a quick nod, “Everyone has issues. Well, not everyone, but everyone interesting. But you fixed yours.”

“I wouldn't use the term 'fixed'.”

“I would,” Rin gave a shrug “But maybe you wouldn't. But you have overcome every obstacle in your path. You stopped hiding, you stopped running, you stopped wanting to disappear. Your accomplishments saved me.”

“Saved you?”

Rin nodded, then looked down at her feet. “The past few years were very difficult. I don't know if you can guess. My brain isn't wired like most people's is. Its like a switchboard, but where most people have one connection between thoughts, I had four.. My thoughts were like cars going the wrong way on a one-way street, and kept colliding. It was bad. Very bad. It's hard to explain ” Rin frowned slightly, then continued. “The reason I paint...It's not to make a statement or earn money, I painted in the hopes that someone, somewhere, could see the world the way I did. So I wouldn't have to be alone. But nobody understood. I was all by myself.”

“What about Emi? I thought you two were like sisters?”

“Emi took care of me. But she didn't understand either. Nobody did. It was around a couple years ago I gave up.”

Hanako winced at that, and Rin noticed her reaction.

“I know. It wasn't the smart thing to do,” She said “But at the time it felt right. Many things feel right at the time. One day, after a particularly bad fight with my teacher, I finally decided to end it. I went to a store and bought a bottle of sleeping pills. I figured I'd take them all at once and die.” She shrugged matter-of-factly, as if she was talking about the weather. “But then I ran into you on the way to my house.” Rin paused for a moment and collected her thoughts. “I hadn't seen you in ages, so I still remembered you as the shy girl from Yamaku who never let anyone close to her. But you weren't her anymore. You were better. I had thought before then that you wouldn't have been able to change, but you did. So we talked about our lives. Your life in particular. How you had friends and were creating programs and all that. It gave me pause. When I got home that night, I thought that maybe if you had turned your life around, maybe I could to. So I threw the pills in the garbage.”

“You're saying...”

“Yes, you saved me. Like I said. So I decided that I would make an appointment to figure out what was wrong with my brain. It took months, and visits to many doctors, but they finally prescribed me medication that they said could help. It did, it made me normal. But it also killed my ability to paint. I didn't want that. So I got on a different pill. It strikes a balance. Nobody still understands how I see the world, but at least I can talk with people now.”

“I never knew.”

Rin shrugged again, “Now you do. And now you know why it kills me to see you like this. You saved my life. And if I could give it up so that you would feel whole again, I would do so in a heartbeat.”

Hanako's eyes watered again and she reached out and embraced Rin.

“Thank you” she said softly. “I mean it, thank you. I think it helps to hear that I made a difference.”

“Everything makes a difference. But you made more than most.” “Rin leaned her head on Hanako's shoulder, “You'll be alright.”

“I...” Hanako got out, “I'll have to.”

So, when are we going to get more of this? I really think your later chapters show improvement over the earlier ones.

Here's chapter 12:
Chapter 12: Healing

Shizune stared at the chess board for a long time, then finally made a move

[Stalemate] She signed to the Grandmaster.

“Most unusual.” the blue man responded, “That's the twenty fifth game that ended indecisively. Again?.”

[Soon, I'm going to get a snack.] Shizune signed and stood up, then walked over to the kitchen. The Grandmaster followed, but stopped in his tracks midway there. Shizune grabbed an apple out of her fridge, then turned back to see him staring at a painting on her wall.

“Who made this?” he spoke into Shizune's head.

[Classmate of mine, her name was Rin. Why?]

“It's astonishing. Excellent use of psylantic media avernial colors and lakadial positioning..It stirs me.... . I wonder... What is this Rin person like?”

[She's a bit weird, but has a good heart. If you want, I can tell you about her.]

The Grandmaster stared at the painting for a long while,“Yes...Yes.. I think I will visit her.” he finally said.






Emi stood over her father grave, tears in her eyes. She was afraid, as much as she hated to admit it to herself. When Kenji had said they would develop superpowers, she had expected to gain superspeed or possibly strength. She hadn't expected to raise the dead. It was the last thing on her mind. But Max had come back after being trapped between this world and the hereafter, and so had Yuuko. Her hands began to sweat. Maybe she could bring her father back, maybe she couldn't, but she was going to try.

“Daddy!” She called out into the air “If you can hear me, I miss you, come back to me!”

Concentrating on the air around her, she tensed, every nerve aware. She really wasn't sure what she could do, as Max and Yuuko had come back without her doing anything, but this seemed like as good an idea as any. For a moment, nothing happened, then a white form appeared on the grave. It was hard to make out, but had the general form of a young man.

“Emi?” a voice came from the aether, “You there, pumpkin?.”

“Daddy!” Emi cried “But why aren't you solid? Why don't you have a body?”

“Well, the short version is that Yuuko and Max were caught on your world. I'm not. I've moved on. It is really good to be able to talk though, haven't had a good talk with you in...” The figure gave a shrug. “ A long time.”

Emi stared at her father. For eight years, eight years she had wanted to say so much. Everything she never had a chance to, but now, in the moment, she was blanking.

“But I want you back...” She mumbled softly.

“I'd love to be back too, unfortunately, it's against the rules. Stupid rules, huh? Always getting in the way of how things should be. But hey, heaven's got great buffets, just so you know. And you can eat all you want and never gain weight.” He gave a goofy grin and put a spectral arm around Emi, “Hey, chin up, okay? I hate to see you get down.”

“I..” Emi got out and tears formed in her eyes, “I know. I just... I thought if I could bring Max and Yuuko back...I could bring you too...”

“Yeah, well...Powers aren't perfect. But hey, we can talk at least. So, this Max fellow... He seems to really like you.”

“You saw him?” Emi's eyes widened in surprise

“Of course, heaven's got windows to look down on the world. Anyway, he really likes you, and I think you should be more open with him.”

“I can't. I lost you, I can't lose anyone else.”

“Come on pumpkin, I taught you better than that. Just cause you lose someone doesn't mean you should just give up on interpersonal relationships! I mean, seriously, my first girlfriend died in our senior year of high school. If I had given up then, I never would have met your mother.” He then shrugged, “Don't worry too much about losing people. Even if someone dies, it's not like you'll never see them again. I'm talking with you, aren't I?”

“I... yes.” Emi looked down sadly,, “But it's not the same.”

“Well, the fact I’m incorporeal does put a damper on things, I admit.” he chuckled a little, “But what the heck, I'm here. And I'll always be here if you need to talk. It's not like your powers are one use only, you know.”

Emi gave him a quizzical look, “You seem to know a lot about my...ability works.”

Her father shrugged, “Considering all the superheroes that come and go through the afterlife, I pick up on a few things now and then. But to the point, I would highly suggest you open up. It really improves your life to have someone. Trust me on this.”

“I don't know...”

“Emi,” he said, his tone quite a bit more serious, “Have I ever lied to you?”

“No...”

“Then believe me when I say, it's better to try. Always better. Do you know what happens to people who don't try?”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

That word hung in the air for a moment, then Emi's father gave a big grin, “But you're better than that. By far.”

“I hope so.” Emi nodded weakly,

“I have the utmost faith in you.”

The figure flickered for a moment,

“Ah damn, our connection's breaking up.” Her father shook his head, annoyed.

“What do you mean?”

“It's complicated, short version is that the connections between dimensions get stronger or weaker based on a number of factors. This is a spotty patch. But if you ever need to talk, come by and I'll visit.” He grinned, “Love ya, pumpkin.”

“I love you too daddy.” Emi smiled.


The specter slowly faded from view. Emi dried her tears and walked away. The biggest regret of her life was that she never got to say goodbye. Now she did, and it helped, as painful as it was. Maybe now she could finally move on. And maybe, just maybe, her father was right about Max. He was good person, that was for sure. He always offered a sympathetic ear, and while Emi had never taken him up on the offer, the fact he was willing spoke to his character. But he could still age. Someday Max would grow old and die, and Emi...Emi would stay young. According to what Wolverine had told Hisao at least.

Can I deal with that? She thought. Can I accept fifty or sixty years of happiness knowing I'll lose him someday? Fifty years is a long time, but is it long enough? She swallowed. Truth was, she wasn't happy. She was tired of waking up in the middle of the night with tear soaked pillows. She was tired of keeping everyone away. Most of all, she was tired of being alone. While she was friends with all the students she met at Yamaku, deep down she did want to love someone. A lifetime ago, she had a crush on Hisao, but he had chosen Lilly. That was difficult, but she managed to accept that. And they were still friends, which put him above every other boyfriend she had broken up with. Max...In a way he reminded Emi of herself. He too kept himself isolated for much of his life, though his was less out of choice than necessity. In many respects, he had had a far worse time than she had.

He couldn't even touch anyone without killing them. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. But he got over it. Emi paused and repeated that last bit, He got over it. Maybe I can too.










Rin looked up. There was a blue skinned man dressed in a shirt and pants staring at her from across the field she was sitting in. She stood up and with a “pop” reappeared in front of him

“Something happening?” she asked

“Greeting, Rin Tezuka. I am the Grandmaster.”

“Ah, the hunch I had, En Dwi Gast” Rin nodded “Good to meet you.”

“You know my actual name?” A slight bit of suprise creeped into the Grandmaster's voice

“Just had a hunch. I have hunches on occasion. I had a feeling about you. Someone with a brain like mine.” She shrugged “Or not like mine, but able to understand mine.” She looked at the Grandmaster and shrugged “Do you understand?”

“Of course I understand! I'm an Elder of the Universe after all, I understand everything. I find your paintings extraordinary, they stir such vision within me.”

“I paint how I see. That's all.”

“Yes, well, I have not felt such emotions of an artistic piece in seven billion three hundred and forty two million, nine hundred eight three thousand, five hundred and seventy two years.”

Rin shrugged, “Glad I could help.”

“Yes, and...” He gave a sort of flustered look, and added “I was thinking we shall ingest some nourishment together.”

“Ingest...nourishment? Ah, food. I can do food. Where to?”

“Your choice.” The Grandmaster didn't know anything about the area, but he certainly wasn't going to admit that.

“Ok then, in that case..” Another “pop” and the two were standing outside a small cafe. Rin looked at the blue man. “Do you have cash?” She asked “I couldn't bring my wallet.” she shrugged her armless shoulders with emphasis.

“I am in the possession of gold. That is sufficient, correct?”

Rin smiled slightly, “More than. Gold is pricy. It's like the Rolls Royce of minerals. All yellow and clouded and smelly.”

“Excellent. One more question, would it be acceptable if I were to look into your brain?

Rin shrugged, “Sure,” She said plainly.

The Grandmaster reached out his telepathy and looking inside Rin's mind. He was nearly overwhelmed by the torrent of colors and images that come forth.

“Intriguing.” he just said

Rin looked at him oddly, “That’s the first time I've been touched in my head. It feels funny. Like being rubbed in your adrenal gland.”

“Ah, did I cause you discomfort?.”

“No, its okay. I don't mind it. Its nice to be able to show people what I think.” She walked up to the door of the cafe and pushed in opened with her body. “Let's have lunch.”

He smiled and followed.

Chapter 13: New Perspectives
“Lilly.” Hisao said softly

“Yes Hisao?” Lilly said, groaning slightly. It was very early in the morning

“I think I'm ready.”

“Ready? Ready for what?”

“I believe I can copy my visual abilities into your brain.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, at least, Psylocke thinks I'm ready and she's the one with experience in these matters. Six weeks of training, and I think it's finally at the level where I can... do my thing.”

“Then why did you wake me up at..” she felt her clock by her bed “six in the morning?”

“I was hoping I could show you the sunrise. I mean, if you'd rather we can do the sunset tonight.”

“No, that's fine.” Lilly smiled “I admit I am interested, I've heard they are quite pretty”

Hisao grinned despite the fact Lilly couldn't see it. “Great. Alright, I'm going to try into insert the necessary information. I must warn you, this can be a little uncomfortable.”

Hisao focused inward and probed the state of his brain. Feeling around, her located the necessary information in the occipital lobe and took a hold of it. Then he expanded his mind outward, locating Lilly's mind. He began probing her thought patterns, searching for a free are large enough to hold the data.

“This hurts.” Lilly said through gritted teeth.

“Sorry about that, it should be over soon.”

He reached around. There was no single gap large enough for the entire chunk of data, but he was able to divide the information into several sections and insert them in areas of the brain. He then connected the new information to the rest of her mind as best as he could. The 'psychic surgery' as Psylocke had termed it, had only taken a couple minutes.

“Does that feel alright?” He asked.

“It's an odd feeling. I am sort of self-conscious about my eyes, it feels like I 'should' be receiving information from them even though I'm not.”

“That should pass fairly quickly. At least, I think so. But let's try it out.” He looked around at the room and began to project images into her mind.

“Oh, oh my.” Lilly said, sounding awestruck.

“Is it working?” Hisao asked excitedly

“Yes.. yes it is. My goodness. So these are colors? I never knew...”

“Let's go outside, Sunrises are particularly gorgeous.”

“I...Yes. That sounds wonderful.”

Lilly got up and started walking towards the door, Hisao followed close behind. Once they navigated out of the apartment and reached the roof of the complex, Lilly's mouth fell open

“Beautiful..” she whispered at the images Hisao was showing her in her mind. “My goodness...”

“Bet you're glad I took those lessons now.” Hisao teased

“Yes...Very glad... I never thought the world could look this way. It's wonderful”


“You two are up early.” A voice came behind them.

“Hey there Hanako,” Hisao said. “You doing better?”

Hanako shook her head sadly, “I...I...” She got that far before tears started forming in her eyes.

Hisao exchanged worried looks with Lilly, then put his arm around Hanako.
“Hanako...” Hisao began, “I can't imagine what you're going through, but if you'd like...I think I'm skilled enough to erase that memory from your mind, if you want.”

“I.. I don't want that.” Hanako choked out, then composed herself somewhat. “I shouldn't forget. It could have happened, and I need to remember to make sure it never happens again.”

“Are you sure? I know you're hurting-”

“Hisao...please. I can work through this. Just give me time. Please.”

Hisao nodded, “Alright. Just remember we're here for you.”

“Yes. I know.” Hanako gasped for breath, “Thank you.”

Her tears started to settle down some, and she grasped Hisao and Lilly in a big hug.

“Thank you,” she repeated softly, “Thank you so much.”





Shizune paced in her living room. It had been one year. A year to the day since the robot attacked her. A year to the day since she nearly lost her best friend. A year to the day she had decided that deep down she did want Misha. A year to the day she had met with her in the hospital and told her she would be her girlfriend. Hopefully, their anniversary would be something to remember. Provided she could pull this off.

[So, is he showing up soon?] Misha signed

Shizune shrugged [Maybe. He should have arrived half an hour ago. Maybe he got bored of playing with me.] She winced slightly.

As if on cue, the Grandmaster teleported in.

“This Rin girl is most unusual, I never would have a guessed an Earthling would have trans-planar mental processes...” He then noticed the pink-haired girl behind him “Misha, I am assuming?” he spoke aloud.

“Yep! Pleased to meet ya,” Misha stated happily “So, you're dating Rin? I must say I'm surprised. Never thought an immortal multibillion year old gamer would fall for an artist.”

He shrugged “I have hardly 'fallen' for her. I find her painting skill most extraordinary, especially for humans, who rarely produce one meaningful work in their lifetime. Rin generates such pieces on a consitant basis, which is more than any other creature on this planet does.”

Shizune rolled her eyes, [Could you at least try to be respectful of humanity? Just because you're a multi-billion year old whatever doesn't mean we aren't better than you. Considering that every time you face off against earth/'s superhumans they soundly kick your ass, you'd think you'd at least acknowledge our skills.]

“I have hardly been defeated.”

[You're joking right? Let me run down a few instances and see if any of them ring bells. Lets start with that time you interrupted the Avenger's baseball game with some plot to destroy the universe. The Avengers take out the supervillains you resurrected and then Hawkeye single-handedly distracted you enough to free Death. Then their was the time you and the other Elders tried to kill Galactus and the Fantastic Four team up with the Silver Surfer to throw that plot out the window. Or how about when that being from another universe called Krona killed you, and you had to rely on the Avengers and Justice League to stop him and save both universes. Oh, and lets not forget when you went up against the Thunderbolts and Zemo stripped you of your powers and then shot you in the head. Not to mention that time just a few months ago when the Red Hulk ate your power and nearly killed you. Oh, and Squirrel Girl. Need I say more?]

[You certainly know your stuff.] Misha signed to Shizune, who nodded

“Minor setbacks, that's all they were.” Grandmaster replied, “In any case, shall we begin?”

Shizune sat down and The Grandmaster followed suit. The game was fast and furious. Knight takes rook, bishop takes pawn, Rook moves forward. In less than half an hour, the game had reached the end stages. The Grandmaster smiled and moved his remaining rook, taking Shizune's queen.

“You might as well give up now” he thought to her. Shizune shook her head and gave a wicked grin. Then she moved one of her pawns to capture the rook, reaching the end of the board and promoting to a queen.

“Impossible.” he mumbled, “That's impossible.”

Shizune saw the words appear on her glasses and began to make gestures, [Nope, I'm just that good. I've been practicing against all sorts of people in my spare time. Learned that trap from Hanako a while back. I owe her one.] The Grandmaster looked down from his now disadvantaged position and moved his bishop. After a few more moves, Shizune moved her queen into a final position

[Checkmate.] Shizune signed triumphantly.

“So it is.” the blue man laughed “Very well. As implied the premilinary time we met, I can heal your deafness and muteness.”

Misha gave a small gasp

[Actually, there's something I'd like more.] Shizune replied.

“Oh? What might that be?”

[I'd like you to remove the mental barriers in my mind that cause me to be uncomfortable with my being with Misha.]

[Shicchan, you don't have to do that.] Misha quickly signed [This is your chance to speak again, you don't have to give that up on my behalf.]

[Misha,] Shizune replied [You've known me for six years now, and you know how well I do with my disability. I thrive on this challenge. But I want this hesitance gone. It's time for me to be the girlfriend I should be, rather than the one I am. It took me long enough to realize how good you were towards me, and it took me even longer to accept how I felt. And yet you were with me through everything. You acted as my interpreter in Yamaku, despite my taking you for granted. You specifically came to the same college as me, despite my constant refusal to reciprocate your affection. You took an energy blast for me, nearly giving up your own life to save mine. You care that much about me, and yet I still can't give you everything you deserve because of my own shortcoming. It is my greatest failure that I am still stuck with my father's homophobia, and I. Cannot. Abide. Failing.]

Misha was at a loss for words for possibly the first time in her life. She raised her hands, but didn't know what to sign.

Shizune turned to the Grandmaster, [You can do this, right?]

“Of course. My telepathy is certainly advanced enough. I confess I am rather surprised however. I would have concluded that fixing your body would take precedence over a minor mental impediment.”

[My body hardly need to be 'fixed'. My deafness is not an issue. At all. And yes, I'm positive. Misha was there for me through thick and thin, and she has waited for six years. That's far too long. She deserves better. WE deserve better.]

Grandmaster smiled, “Very well then. Close your eyes and focus inward.” As Shizune did so, he put the palms of his hands on her temples, then focused. Blue energy pulsed from his hands. After a few minutes, he let go and Shizune opened her eyes.

[How do you feel?] Misha signed

[I feel great. Better than I have felt in ages.] Shizune then ran up to Misha and gave her a massive hug, then began kissing her mouth deeply. Misha let out a small gasp as shivers flew up and down her spine.
She was vaguely aware of the Grandmaster vanishing from the room, but she was soon consumed by the sensations enveloping her. They had kissed before yes, but this time was different. This time, they weren't holding back. It was as if Shizune's normal restraint had vanished, and the two of them had been propelled into a whirlwind by her unabashed actions. They kissed over and over again, relishing the feel of each other, until finally Misha let go.

[That was incredible] she signed out, catching her breath.

Shizune grinned [But you liked it, didn't you?]

[Hell yeah! This is...wow... I didn't know... There are no words to describe it. You are so beautiful. So goddamn beautiful. Thank you.]

[It is I who should be thanking you.] Shizune replied, [Nobody else would have been stubborn enough to endure this sort of half-relationship as long as you have. But you did.]

There was a brief pause, and Shizune added [You do know what today is, don't you?]

[Our one year anniversary.] Misha replied, grinning like a fool [You didn't really think I'd forget, did you?]

[Of course not. That was just a segue. I bought us tickets to the Hatsune Miku concert tonight.]

[Seriously?! But Shicchan...]

[Don't worry, its fine. I don't need to hear her to enjoy being with you.]

Well, I don't really know the character of this grandmaster, but from the way you describe him it stretches believability a bit that Shizune would be able to beat him or even play him to a stalemate on a regular basis.
Also, is there any reason he couldn't fix both of Shizune's problems?

Also, is there any reason he couldn't fix both of Shizune's problems?

The guy loves playing his little games.

Personally, I think he's a bit too down to earth in this story and not nearly pompous enough.

I did like how Shizune didn't even consider getting her condition cured though.