Free to Soar
Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 4:17 pm
Hi. Date chapter. I know. Must be at size limit so I'll keep this short. More down below. In the other post. Fluff. Humor. The not funny kind. Descriptions. Dinner. Movie. Drama? Also, SMUT. Delicious. Warning given. If you didn't read it, blame yourself.
TABLE OF CONTENT
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1 - Soft Passage
2 - Present Pieces
3 - Free to Soar
4- Something Old, Something New
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Go to Next Post | See Changelog
ree To Soar
Scene 1 : Best wishes, Daedalus
The alarm clock rings. I silence the alarm clock. I chomp my pills. I get my soccer clothes on. I go to the track field. I greet Emi. Emi greets me. I run till ragged. We go to Nurse's office. Nurse tells me I'm okay, then asks about Hanako. I tell him she's alright, making a point of sounding annoyed.
I get back to the dorm. I shower. I get my school uniform. I go back out. Hanako's already waiting for me. She always waits for me. We go to class together. Curious glances are occasionally thrown our way. But there are fewer everyday.
We enter the classroom. Classmates still greet us with grins. But they're fewer everyday. The grins, not the classmates. We absorb various lectures. We spend lunch time with Emi and Rin. Rin does something unexpected. She always does. Lunch break ends. We absorb more lectures. Classes end for the day.
We go to the library. We continue reading through the Dune series. The library closes. We go back to the dorms. We spend some time in her room, studying for the upcoming exams, doing our homework. I help her cook dinner, and next day's meal. We eat our dinner. Night falls. I kiss her goodbye. I go back to my room. I sleep well.
That's pretty much what happened every day of this week. Of course, there were some moments that stood out.
One day, during lunch break, we found Rin staring at the sky, laying on the gravels of the rooftop. We all ended up staring at the sky, laying on the gravels of the rooftop. It felt good. We didn't eat our lunch this noon. But we didn't have to cook dinner that evening.
One day, Kenji managed to ambush me. He was worried. He spurted something about seeing me less often, and that it was the sign the feminists had taken control of me. And something about a cane. I tried to reassure him, but obviously he would have none of it.
Then, I told him I was on something big : A semi-religious order of women who control virtually all religions and politicians, and possess superhuman abilities that give them longer lifespans and superior intellect. that I couldn't blow it, or I'd suffer a fate worse than death.
That gave me enough time to make it to my room.
The moment I remember the most, though, happened the day after my 'accident' on the track :
We were greeted in class by a crowd of grinning girls. They expertly cornered me and started asking all sorts of embarrassing questions. It got to the point where I was wishing I could melt into a puddle and crawl away from them like that. Then I felt someone poking my shoulder.
It was Hanako, who stammered something about helping with her math problem.
I couldn't ask for a better opportunity to escape my current situation, so I followed her to her desk, politely apologizing to my defeated inquisitors.
"So, what's the problem?" I had asked, leaning on her table.
She smiled playfully. "I don't have any," she had whispered. "I just thought you could use the rescue."
I had trouble controling the sudden surge of love that coursed through me. A hug or a kiss would have stirred the gossiping beast yet again, so instead I drew a doodle of us cuddling captioned 'I love you.' She had to hide her smile and her flushed cheeks behind her hand, and we had to actually do maths for the next ten minutes to keep up the appearances, but it was worth it.
This was my routine, and I was happy with it. But today is different. Today, Hanako went to see her psychiatrist straight after class. Today I'm left alone in the library, doing some not-entirely-academic research on a computer.
Let's see...
A cinema, small to middle-sized to avoid the worst of the city's crowds, and, if possible, not too far from the bus stop.
The browser obediently churns out the results fitting these criteria.
Hmm...this one looks nice.
A new tab opens up with the list of the movies on display. The core of the matter...Now, what would she enjoy?
No... no...no... ...meh... no...what is...oh. Well, definitely not that...no...not this...nope...no...this is a movie?...nah...
I should have guessed that would have been harder than it looked. I'm pretty much going blind about Hanako's tastes in movies, even though I know for a fact she loves a good story. Well, let's go to the bottom of that list and figure it out from there.
...no...ny-ope...no... what is...I don't even know...no, that sounds boring as hell...no...no...n- wait.
What's that?
Oh, they're displaying this again. How come? Wow. It's been out for ten years, really? Now that I think about it, I did see it when I was a kid; I don't remember much of it, but I know for a fact it's good. Hmmm. Why not?
Though this is a gambit. Chances are Hanako's seen it already, it's been out for so long...
Well, what the hell. This is a really good movie. I'll take the risk... However, I should have some sort of backup plan, just in case. I really can't screw this up, after all...
...Ah, maybe this one. This sounds decent as well, though probably nowhere near as good as my first pick.
Now, on to the restaurant. It'd be best if it wasn't too far away from the cinema...and if it was affordable.
After minutes of clicking and discarding various potential candidates, I find an interesting one. Rather, a not-too-expensive and respectable-looking one. One with curtain-enclosed booths, dim lights and comfy-looking seats. The booths themselves are rather large, with an empty space between the table and the curtains. I assume that waiters can properly serve the patrons without having to hold the curtains open that way. How thoughtful. I double-check the price tags, just to be sure... No, it really is affordable.
I honestly, truly didn't think I'd find such a place, but here it is.
I copy down the different addresses and movie times, as well as the phone number of the restaurant, and head out. I'll make the reservation call later. It's a beautiful day outside, and lately I've begun to appreciate the little things in life.
I sit down on a bench in the gardens, and inhale the fresh air of Yamaku. The breeze and the occasional rainfall have been cooling the air to a more comfortable level lately. My eyes start to wander in the distance, where clouds gather.
They look like ethereal mountains, aimlessly wandering away, slowly changing shapes. The sun shining draws silver outlines on them, constrasting nicely with their otherwise blue-grey hue. It's a pretty picture these clouds paint, full of flowing lines and soft colors.
There's something very relaxing about cloudgazing.
"'Sup Hisao! What you doing here?" a familiar voice suddenly calls, drawing me back into the reality of the garden.
"Hey Miki," I reply, lazily waving to her. "Nothing much, really. Enjoying the day."
"Where's your other half? It's like you're always together lately." She moves to sits beside me.
"She went to see her therapist."
"Oh..." she looks away, as if sensing it's a touchy subject.
"Don't worry," I add. "It's an apointment she's had for some time, nothing to worry about."
She grins and gives me an amused look.
"You sure have changed a lot, didn't you Hisao?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I remember when we first met, you were all gloomy and thoughtful. Looked like one of those philosophers who're just sick of life. Like you carried the whole world on your back for a full year and didn't get paid jack.
...But now look at you! Gazing at clouds so full of hope and bliss it would probably make some people wonder what's gotten into you. If all the school didn't know already!"
The last part makes me groan a bit.
"...In no small part thanks to you, I'm sure," I mumble.
"Hell no! You two are no fun. You always manage to slip away before we can get to the juicy gossips part."
I raise an eyebrow.
"What was the other day about then? I could have sworn you were with those girls who tried to..."
"Okay yeah. I was there. Let's just say I really, really didn't like gulping down that bell pepper."
Wait. Does this mean...
"You were the one who set it all up, weren't you?" I shout.
"And you threatened me with a damn knife and wanted to choke me to death! That calls for revenge!"
"Whaaa-... How do- I didn-... That-"
My phone's ringtone plays out, interrupting my already perturbed train of thought. Caller ID is...Ah.
"Hey, Hanako."
"Hisao..." she sounds...happy. "I'm back at the dorms, if you..."
"Coming right away!"
"Alright." I can see her smile from there.
I stand up and glare at Miki, who is now grinning from ear to ear.
"I'll get back to you."
"Sure," she chuckles. "But bring fruits this time. Keepin' things fresh, y'know."
This girl...
I suppose I can forgive her. The girl actually tried to reach out to me without any ulterior motives and has been friendly ever since. And shoving vegetables down her throat was kind of rude.
Bah, I just can't stay mad at her, that's all. I'm in too good a mood for that.
As I arrive at the dorms, I see Hanako standing in front of the entrance of the male building. Right, she must have assumed I was in my room...
I have an idea.
I take a look left and right.
Noone else. Good.
I quiet my footsteps and close in on her silently. The "guess who" joke never gets old.
My eyes focus on her, making sure she isn't turning around. I can't help but letting my gaze linger a little. She's wearing her casual outfit, which does a nice job of highlighting her lovely figure. She really has the right curves in the right places, and that's not something her scars can change.
Only a few meters to go. This'll be fun.
One of my footsteps sends a pebble hopping away in between Hanako's legs.
...So much for that.
She turns around before I can right myself and the sight of me, half-crouched and wearing a confounded expression, is hers to behold.
"Hisao?"
"Uuhmmm...guess who?" Great, Hisao. Very clever.
She blinks once. Twice. A smile dawns on her face and she moves to hug me, saying nothing else. I gladly welcome it. I'd probably die of shame if she asked any question.
Hugs have become our preferred way of greeting when we're alone. No need for words, a hug is enough. It's a gesture of trust, acceptance, support and shared love. On top of that, it feels so good. When we hug, it feels like the world ceases to matter. Like we're free to rest in the other's arms for as long as it take for all our worries to go away. It's something reassuring, knowing that whatever our troubles might be, they will be soothed with a hug. No humiliating questions asked, no lenghty awkward discussions; just a hug, and the pain is gone.
"So how'd it go?" I mumble after a while.
"Good," she whispers. "...He told me our next appointment shouldn't be before the end of the summer vacations...and he even complimented me on my looks."
"Well, that's good, right?"
She nods.
We spend a few more minutes silently holding each other.
"Say, Hanako. Do you have any plans for Saturday?" I finally utter.
She breaks the embrace to look at me in the eyes.
"...Why?" she lets out, visibly surprised.
"I, uhm, thought we could go on a date... together."
"A...date?"
I nod.
She looks down.
"I've...Emi and I were planning to go shopping this Saturday."
It's my turn to look surprised. These two were basically strangers two weeks ago, and know they're good enough friend to hang out together in town on a Saturday afternoon? Whatever their frienship is based on, it's powerful stuff, especially considering how different Hanako and Emi are.
"Oh, that's... good...but, uh, when exactly?" I don't exactly manage to hide my confusion, but she doesn't pick up on it. Or care.
"Just after lunch...I'm sorry." She looks genuinely sad as she says that.
"It's no problem! We'd go at something like seven in the afternoon. You'd even have time to rest your sore legs a bit.
...You're going with Emi, after all," I add with a chuckle.
Her earnest smile finally lights up her face.
"Alright."
With that said, we just look in each other's eyes, waiting for the other to say something else.
As neither of us finds anything interesting, we just resume our hug.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Scene 2 : First Flight
I'm leaning against the blissfully cold stone of Yamaku's walls. Today's heat caught us all by surprise, and most classrooms had become fully-functional steam baths by noon. Thankfully it's Saturday, so we didn't have any more classes after that. That the walls were spared by the searing sunshine all day long is nothing short of a miracle, and one I'm appreciating very much right now.
Shame I didn't get to spend more time outside with Hanako, but going shopping with Emi must have worked out just as well for her. At least the stores in the city have air conditioning. And besides, I'm not sure she would have enjoyed being outside all day like that. We wouldn't have exactly been alone in the gardens, and the gossips haven't entirely died down, even now.
As for me, I just grabbed a short novel in the library and spent the afternoon reading it. And showering. Every two hours.
The cold stone feels really good.
She should be here any minute now.
I sit back, shut my eyes and let out a long sigh. The hot weather combined with the shade and freshness of the stones acts like a powerful sleeping spell.
...This position is much more comfortable than it has any right to be...
...I guess there's no harm in resting a bit while I wai-
"Hisao?"
Nguh.
I open my eyes reluctantly.
"Hey Hana-"
Woah.
Hanako stands before me, wearing a light, sleeved shirt with a pleated collar much in the style of her usual outfit, except this one is midnight blue, and a dress going down to her knees, just a shade darker in color. Black stockings and shoes complete the picture. Her dusky outfit constrasts starkly with the paleness of her face. She looks like a piece of the night sky, complete with its star, that somehow fell down there and assumed a human form... which would also explain her sheepish expression.
Closing my eyes is the last thing I want to do now.
" I-is something the matter?"
"Oh no. Everything is fine...
It's just... you look stunning," I finish with my most beaming smile.
"R-really?" she blushes.
"Yeah, really. You're very beautiful," and I mean every last word of it.
"Thanks," she replies softly, and goes to sit by my side, leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Tired?"
She nods.
"Let me guess...Emi?"
"Yeah...I couldn't feel my legs until an hour ago," she whispers.
I chuckle.
"Trust me, I know the feeling. You had fun though, right?"
She nods again.
"Emi is nice. And we went to a lot of stores. It was just...very tiring." Her faces sours a little as she says that.
"Something I should know?"
"Nothing. I-it's fine, really." She smiles, but it's a stilted smile. The one I see only when something's wrong.
"Hanako?"
"Don't worry about it," she finally says with a strange, determined look.
I decide to leave it at that for now. Prodding her further wouldn't probably do any good. But my initial uneasiness doesn't fade away.
We stay like that, in silence, until the bus arrives.
It's only when we're on the bus and halfway through the trip that I understand what her problem was.
The people.
They're staring at us. Oh, not insistently. It's mostly glances thrown our way. But there is nothing we can do to escape it. I can see Hanako is trying hard to remain calm, but the way she clutches my hand and her shaky breath are telling. She's struggling.
The city isn't any better. There are fewer stares, but far more people. And it's Saturday evening, meaning everyone is out on the streets. And everyone doesn't refrain from the occasional unsavory comment whispered too loudly. Hanako's hand starts to shiver in mine and her eyes begin to moisten.
We spend long minutes going through the loud and packed avenues of the center. Her state deteriorates rapidly, and the rares glances are soon replaced by disturbed looks from the passersby. I'm now desperately looking for somewhere quiet, but it proves pointless given the sheer number of people out here. It's by complete and utter providence that we come across a smaller, verdant and delightfully empty street soon after, some distance away from the restaurant.
Noone here to stare at us.
I stop under a tree and hold her in my arms, caressing her back and letting her head rest on my chest. Her tears are free to roll down her cheeks, at last.
I remain silent, waiting for the hug to soothe her on its own. It feels like a small defeat, being powerless while she is like that.
"H-how far is it...to where we're go-...ing," she asks after a while. Her voice is calmer, but still quaky.
"Just a couple of blocks away. We're almost there."
"Let's...let's go."
She grasps my hand. Her hold is much gentler, weak, even. She follows obediently as I lead her to the restaurant, but she's also feeling distant, unresponsive. The thought of her self-confidence going down the drains so suddenly leaves me feeling helpless. I can only hope that the restaurant will cheer her up.
I feel grateful for my older self for being thoughtful in his choice of place. Hanako could certainly use the curtain-enclosed booths and comfy seats right now.
From the outside, the place looks rather unassuming. A narrow, one-floor building crammed between a coffee shop and a pharmacy. It sports a small lobby with walls of burgundy and backlights, making the most of the limited space by giving off a cozy appearance.
We are greeted in the entrance hall by an Amiable-looking Waiter, who eyes us for a few seconds.
"Good evening. Do you have a reservation?" He asks with a deferent tone.
"Yes, under Nakai."
"Ah, indeed. Please follow me," he beckons, striding into the restaurant proper.
He only gave Hanako a brief look, and showed no reaction whatsoever after doing so. Professionalism at work, I guess. I like this place already.
True to its outward looks and its internet pictures, the warmly-colored and dimly-lit main space is rather cramped, and the tables are distributed close to one another. It must be a real challenge to navigate around here when it's full. Now, only some of the tables are occupied, though I hear noises coming from most of the booths surrounding the main room.
The waiter leads us to one of them, sits us down, hands us two menus and leaves after explaining that we can call him by pulling this string here, which will ring a bell next to our booth and signal him to come.
That's neat. And the price tags are reasonable. Hanako also seems to be faring a little better in the intimacy of the booth.
I really like this place.
The next minutes we spend browsing the menu. True to his word, the Amiable-looking Waiter comes and takes our order almost as soon as the bell is rung.
I decide to go for some small talk after that, to try and lift her somewhat better mood further up.
"You know, Hanako, there's a lot we still don't know about each other..."
"...What do you mean?"
"Well, for example, I still don't know what your favorite color is."
"Purple...or violet...I...I also like deep blue...what's yours?"
"I...used to like green a lot, but our relationship became a bit awkward since the hospital walls were all green...I guess now I like patterns of colors more than a particular one...
That's not very helpful, is it?" I add with a strained smile.
"No, I...I know what you mean," she replies. "...What's your favorite food?"
"I...uhm, I don't think I really have any...But what we ate the other day was really good. I really loved it. The dill-and-cream sauce and all that? That was tasty."
She freezes just a moment, eyes wide open, throwing glances everywhere in our booth, looking anywhere but at me. Her mouth opens. Closes. Opens again.
"Hisao..." she says in a hoarse voice.
"What...what was M-Miki talking about that day...it w-was about us, I know it b-but...but...you acted s-strange an-and..."
I take a long, deep breath. I suspected she had picked up on that, and that she would have asked questions eventually, but now, of all times...
"It...was about us, yes," I utter after a while.
"It was when I first met her, shortly after the festival. I was hanging out in the grass near the soccer field and she came to sit beside me. We chatted...and I told her...I told her that I liked you."
There. the bomb is dropped. I feel my heartbeat quickening, looking at Hanako in anguish.
Maybe I'm too anxious. Maybe she'll just shrug it off. Maybe...
"You...since all this time...you wanted to..."
"Yeah," I let out.
"B-but be-cause of m-my...panic attack...you...you didn't..." She's loosing it. A horrible feeling sets in my gut.
"Yeah." My answer is barely audible.
"We...could hav-...be-en together f...or months," she says dejectedly.
This time I don't answer. I can't. My throat is so tight I feel I can't even breathe.
Silence hangs in the air. Her body starts to tremble. She looks down, hiding her face behind her bangs.
"...I'm so useless."
No, no, not this, Hanako, I beg of you. Not this.
"Even though...you... loved me...back then...I managed to screw it up."
She lets out a humorless chuckle.
"I guess...even though I hate when people try to protect me...I need it. I need it because I always end up screwing up on my own... I always...screw up on my own..."
Why am I not moving ? Why am I not saying anything? Why am I not doing something?
I'm panicking. That's it. My own brain is stonewalling me. I can't be panicking. Not now.
With what feels like superhuman effort, I manage to lift an arm and place my hand on hers. She feels limp. She doesn't react to the contact of our hands.
Shit. No. Don't panic. You can't panic.
"Hanako..."
My throat is made of glass shards and my jaws of concrete. But at least I can speak.
"Do you remember...when you helped me escape those girls who wouldn't stop asking questions...about us?"
No answer.
"I remember. You said...'I just thought you could use the rescue.'
You were right. Sometimes I can't manage on my own either. Sometimes...I need help too. Same when I first arrived at Yamaku. We all feel useless at times. We all make mistakes.
...But it's alright to screw up if you can deal with the consequences. Sure, you had a panic attack. But in the end you dealt with it, and that's what matters. In the end, we learned so much about each other. In the end, we had a wonderful day in that park. In the end, this week was the best week in my entire life, and it's all thanks to you. You didn't screw that up.
And, hell, look at how wrong I had been about you all this time. Look at how I treated you. You said you always screw up on your own, but look at how I screwed up! It's a wonder you didn't end up hating me... Maybe we could have been together for months if you hadn't have a panic attack. But we could also have been together for months if I hadn't reacted like I did... It's as much my fault as it is yours."
Still nothing. I don't have anything else to say. My heart is pounding and my hands are shaking. Tears well up in my eyes. This can't end like this.
"...Hanako... please, say something."
"...It was the best week in my life, too." she utters.
"W-what?"
"I'm sorry, Hisao." Her hand grips mine tightly.
"What?" my eyes jolt up, gazing at hers. They are glistering with tears. What the hell is she talking about?
"I...I mean Ishouldn'thaveoverreacted."
"Oh..." I calm down. For a moment there I thought...I thought...
The Amiable-looking Waiter pops out of the curtains, carrying two plates he expertly places in front of us with a trained gesture. He retreats back just as quickly, bowing ever so slightly at our muttered thanks.
I look at the dish for a second, then back at Hanako.
The next moment we're standing up in middle of the booth, holding each other so tightly it hurts a little. And my chest hurts a bit, too. We may have bumped into each other. Or maybe it's the stress. Whatever.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers.
"Dont be." I gently wipe the tears off her cheeks."Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about."
"Then neither do you."
"Okay, deal." We both smile widely.
We kiss. We caress. We nuzzle. We cry. We laugh. We slowly regain our composure, warm and snug in a hug that really feels like one.
Eventually, we go back to our seats.
Eating dinner with one while holding hands may be inefficient and silly, but we wouldn't have it any other way.
It helps that the food here is actually delicious. I can feel my mood improving with each mouthful.
We begin playing childish little games with our fingers, like trying to catch the other's hand, or trying to tickle the space between our fingers. Hanako's face is joyful, now.
The girl I spend the rest of the dinner with is the same girl I met in the park about a week ago. Hopeful, happy and loving.
The rest of our time in the restaurant flows in an uneventful bliss. We make more small talk about the things that we love. We discuss the plot of the Dune series. We enjoy ourselves, and we enjoy being with each other. Some moments we just spend spacing out while looking longingly at each other.
The Amiable-looking Waiter walks us out of the restaurant after I pay the bill, voicing his hopes that we'll come again.
I swear his polite smile is a bit wider than before.
Dusk has come and gone while we were inside, bringing welcome freshness and shadow to the streets. My choice of cinema has us going through only a couple of quiet residential areas. Most of the houses there sports lush gardens overflowing on the narrow streets, giving off the impression of us walking in a garden of our own.
We're in front the the place soon enough. Hanako gazes at the cinema itself, then at the different movie posters on display.
"A movie?"
"Yep. I figured you'd like the idea. Was I wrong?"
"No..." she smiles at me. "It's a wonderful idea. Thank you, Hisao."
"Hey, don't thank me yet, you haven't seen it."
"Right...so...which is it?"
I look at the board, searching for a familiar poster...Ah.
"This one."
She looks at the title quizzically.
"It's...it's an old one, isn't it?"
"Oh," I blush, embarrassed. "You've seen it already?"
"N-no...I've heard good things about it, that's all."
"Alright! Great! Let's go then."
I pay for the tickets and we move inside. Strangely enough, the screens are named after prominent film directors rather than simply having a number. The building isn't very expansive, and, following the signs on the wall, we find the correct room within minutes.
'Hayao Miyazaki Auditorium: Princess Mononoke.'
Heh, I guess that's fitting.
A push of the door reveals a small room lined with rows of red comfy seats bathing in a soft amber light. It's also completely deserted.
An entire auditorium, just for us. We exchange knowing glances, and sit at the best spots in the back. Hanako lets out a satisfied sigh, sinks in her seat and gently strokes my hand.
"This is wonderful," she whispers.
I just nod, taking in the warm and quiet atmostphere.
That spell is eventually broken, however, by a din of high-pitched voices closing in on our auditorium. I'd assume it's some sort of extracurricular activity involving kids watching mov- wait a minute.
They're not going to go here, are they?
The clatter is getting more intense, and peaks when an adult figure pushes the door open, shushing the swarm of kids before letting them enter. There's about twenty of them, none older than ten. The teacher, a tired-looking woman, notices us as she holds the door open, and gives us a sorry look.
The children prove to be an obedient lot however, and most of them just seat where they're told, barely paying us any attention. Only a small group peeks a little more than discretion would advise, but even they look away when I return their gaze.
I realize I've involuntarily tightened my grip on Hanako's hand. She'd closed her eyes and drawn a shuddering breath as the kids entered. When she opens them again, her face bears a tranquil smile.
"I'm okay, Hisao," she voices calmly.
I barely have time to smile back before the lights dim into nothingness and the screen lights up. Everyone falls silent as the blue banner of Studio Ghibli appears.
I'm completely enthralled by the movie. I know technically it's the second time I see it, but really, I was no older than the kids in the front when I did. All I remember are some blurry images of forests and valleys and some nebulous characters. But still, the joy of reviving fond, half-forgotten childhood memories adds to the thrill of the film itself. The occasional glances I throw at Hanako show me she's as captivated as I am. She stares, spellbound, at the screen, never letting her gaze wander away.
We let the children exit before us when the movie ends, even though they haven't been much of a bother and kept utterly quiet the whole time, which I feel is commendable for their ages. I don't know if I could have pulled this off when I was a kid. The teacher gives us yet another apologizing look as she goes out, and I try to look as thankful as I can.
They're still here when we're out, though. And I see several kids are curiously staring at us, or rather, at Hanako. She doesn't seem to have noticed. Yet. I grab her by the shoulder and start heading to the opposite direction. It's not the most direct way to the bus, but going through a flood of curious children isn't an option.
"Miss! Miss!" a high-pitched voice calls.
Shit.
A little dark-haired girl runs to us, stops right before us and looks up.
"Miss! Have you been touched by an evil demon?" she cries out, pointing at the scars on Hanako's face.
Tell me this isn't happening.
Hanako stares at the girl in complete horror, then at the group of kids in even greater terror.
She manages to let out a tiny "why?"
"Because you're pretty, miss! And I'd be really really sad if you were cursed by an evil demon, 'cause you'd be in pain like Ashitaka, and you'd die! I don't wanna you die, miss!"
"Is...this true?" Hanako murmurs.
"I swear it's true! You're pretty, I swear it on Kitty!"
She shows off a worn stuffed cat, who must undoubtebly answer to the name of 'Kitty'.
"Don't worry," I speak up. "She's fine. She hasn't been cursed by demons, and she's not gonna die."
the girl's face lights up like I told her there's going to be twelve Christmas this year, one of them being tomorrow.
"Really? Yay! I'll tell the others! They'll be so happy too! Byebye miss!" She darts back off to the group.
That was unexpected. And strange.
"Err... Shall we head to the bus stop?" I venture.
"Yeah, let's."
I'ts rather dark out here, but I'm almost certain she's smiling.
The trip back to Yamaku happens without any other incidents, the streets having largely cleared out after nightfall, most people preferring the security and comfort of the various clubs downtown to the now-fresh night. The wind has picked up, and the moon that lit our path to the cinema is now largely obscured by pitch-black clouds, shining faintly through the thinnest of them and barely outlining the most menacing.
The wind is stronger up in Yamaku, and we have to plough through it to get to the dorms. The tension doesn't really go down once in the halls, as we're past curfew and still have to be cautious as we sneak into her room.
The instant Hanako closes her door behind her, the stillness overcomes us.
This room has become our sanctuary as of late, and has gone a long way from the impersonnal space it had been. Well, maybe not such a long way. It still retains its dark blanket and lack of furnitures. But now it really feels someones actually lives here : various books are strewn about, ranging from math and history manuals to collections of short stories. The desk is filled with darkened sheets of paper bearing both our handwriting, and the occasional doodle. I notice now that the simple doodle I drew of us cuddling along with its 'I love you' caption has been carefully cut from the sheet it belonged to and is now pinned to the wall aside her bed.
I smile at the sight, and pull a surprised Hanako into a heartfelt kiss.
She doesn't move away or ask questions. She wraps her arms around me and guides us to the bed, still kissing. We sit down, or rather, stumble on it, tripping over a pile of books.
"Hisao?" She whispers, pulling away.
"Hmm?"
"Tonight...won't end with just a kiss, will it?"
Our faces flush in unison.
"...Not unless you want it to."
"I don't... want that."
She leans in and fumbles with the buttons of my shirt before she manages to remove it while I knock our socks off and remove her top-
"Ikezawa, are you alright? I heard noises."
We freeze and look at each other in sheer terror. The warden. She is here. The warden heard us. Bad-
"Hello? I'm coming in!"
Without a second thought I grab my shirt, leap out of the bed and crawl under it as silently as I can. I hear the sound of books falling and blanket shuffling, soon followed by the sound of the door opening. I steady my breath. Now is definitely not the time to whirr like a steam train.
"Is everything alright, Ikezawa?" The voice is that of a middle-aged woman : The Stern Warden of the Girls Dorm.
"Y-y-yeah, It's j-just my b-books, they...they f-fell and..."
"Hmmm." I hear shuffling. "Tell me, Ikezawa... is that your sock?"
The socks. Always betrayed by the socks. We're finished.
"I-I-I-I...y-y, I m-mean, n-no, it...it's, uhm, it's..."
"Yes."
"It's a-an experiment." Hanako stammers.
What?
"What?"
"...w-with w-wil...wildlife. H-Hisao g-gave m-me one of his s-socks so I cou...could do it," she finishes.
Silence.
"What sort of...nevermind. I'll just trust you with this one. Goodnight, Ikezawa, and...sorry for the intrusion," the warden apologizes, retreating back to the door.
I wait for about half a minute to make sure she's gone. And to try and process what Hanako said.
Without much success.
Eventually I crawl out of my hidey-hole and look at her.
We stare blankly at each other. An amused smile dawns on her face.
"Hisao...you're full of dust!" She giggles uncontrollably, making me pout and blush a little. I had to hide under here or we were done for. I had no choice! Why is she making fun of me?
She keeps laughing, her arm held beside her mouth to stifle it. Which is nowhere near effective. But Hanako is laughing, a carefree and earnest laugh. I can't help laughing along. We look like two brats who just pulled off the prank of their lives.
Eventually, we calm down. I begin to try and shove off the considerable amount of dust on my clothing.
"Let me help you with this," she says, wiping out the stuff on my face. Our faces are very close now. Some of it must have gotten caught in her nose, because she begins to blink, furrows her brow and...
Ooh, here it comes!
"Aa-tchee!"
"Aha, revenge!" I smirk in triumph.
She looks at me with downcast eyes and sniffles a little. She looks adorable.
My lips are on hers before I know it.
We were done dusting me anyway.
She leans on the bed, pulling me with her. We strip hastily, fumbling with almost every possible piece of clothe. Once again, her stockings prove to be the hardest part.
"Hisao?" she whispers when I'm halfway through removing them. It can't possibly be that hard, can it?
"Yeah?" I'm sure if I pull a little more...
"...The door..."
What? Oh. Oh, of course.
I give up -temporarily!- the task at hand and move to lock the door. When I turn around, Hanako's stockings lie on the floor and she's sitting on the bed, naked, smiling sheepishly at me.
I'm not sure that's good for my heart, but at this point I really don't care.
I brush aside her bangs and kiss the blighted skin on that side of her face, drawing out a small gasp of surprise from her. Before she has time to protest, my mouth trails down her throat and kisses her neck, lingering there a moment before continuing down her collarbone, then to her breast. I tarry there a little, taking the time to fully appreciate its shape. She's letting out increasingly cute moans, which I take as a cue for pressing on.
I kiss my way down to her lower lips, being as gentle as I can with the scar tissue.
She lets out another gasp when I reach my destination.
"Hisao?"
"I love you," I simply state, and begin to poke at her bulge with my tongue.
She seizes my hand and presses it tightly, holding her other arm over her mouth. Her cries intensify each time I move further inside her, and her arm does little in the way of muffling it. Her reaction is all the encouragement I need to keep going.
I finally stop, feeling her hand quivering and slipping away. I lift my head up to see her breathing heavily, face completely flushed and eyes half-closed. She extends her arms invitingly, noticing I'm looking at her. I move up. She warps her arms around by back. Our lips meet in a long kiss of pure lust. It takes us a few moments to catch our breath afterwards.
I feel dizzy. It's getting harder to think. We look at each other and smile.
"I'm...on the pill," she says in a voice so soft I can barely hear it. I nod.
"I'm going in."
Her face bears a mixture of apprehension and desire.
I lower my hips, entering her in a slow, continuous motion. A surge of pleasure goes through me as I penetrate her, coursing through my body when I move further in. I stop.
"How does...it feels?"
"Good," she whispers.
I move my arms behind her back, embracing her. She warps her legs around my thighs. Our hips rock gently back and forth. Our heads are pressed against one another. I feel her breath on my face. Slowly, my mind let go, gently carried away by waves after waves of pleasure.
The rhythm progressively picks up on its own. She moans with every breath. Her face is red. Her half-shut eyes are gleaming and looking at mine. I love her. I kiss her. Breathe. Kiss. Breathe.
The pace picks up again. Her soft moans turn into cries of joy. I feel them echoing in my ears. It's intoxicating. I feel warm.
...And tired. My stamina begins to wane. My muscles protest as I press on. The motions of my hips become unsteady.
Hanako notices. She squeezes her hips against mine. We come to brief a stop.
She wraps her legs around me and we swap positions before I even have the time to look surprised. She stands there, on top of me, showing me her whole glistering body. With a bashful smile, she lowers herself on me, moaning softly as we connect once again.
I pull her close to me. Very close. I want to feel as much of her as I can. Hanako. My Hanako.
Past the pleasure I'm now drowning in, I can feel her skin against mine and her soft breasts pressing on my chest. I can feel the contrast between her soft skin and the leathery, coarse scars. It's a new, interesting feeling. This is how Hanako, and Hanako alone, feels. I savor this feeling, imprint it on my memory.
She presses on. We are so close now. I feel something rising within me. Like pleasure, but more.
Ecstasy. This is what it is. It washes over us, drawing out a single, united cry out of us, suddenly interrupted by her pressing her mouth against mine, heightening the sensation even further.
Then Hanako collapses by my side. We become aware of reality, of our ragged breaths, of our exhaustion. She places her palm over my chest, a hint of concern in her eyes.
Thu-thump.
Thu-thump...thump.
Thu-thump.
Thu-thump.
Thu-thump.
I'm good. I give her a bright but tired smile. She smiles back, nestling her head against my shoulder.
"I love you," she whispers, stroking the scar on my chest. It tickles.
"I love you too," I reply, pressing her against me. We could sleep like that.
"Hisao?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you...for being here...A-and for tonight."
Her eyes close. Her breath steady. Her sleeping figure is every last bit as adorable as I had imagined.
"Anytime, Hanako."
Her earnest smile lights up her sleepy face. It's the last thing I see tonight.
Go to top of the post
TABLE OF CONTENT
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1 - Soft Passage
2 - Present Pieces
3 - Free to Soar
4- Something Old, Something New
_____________________
Go to Next Post | See Changelog
ree To SoarScene 1 : Best wishes, Daedalus
The alarm clock rings. I silence the alarm clock. I chomp my pills. I get my soccer clothes on. I go to the track field. I greet Emi. Emi greets me. I run till ragged. We go to Nurse's office. Nurse tells me I'm okay, then asks about Hanako. I tell him she's alright, making a point of sounding annoyed.
I get back to the dorm. I shower. I get my school uniform. I go back out. Hanako's already waiting for me. She always waits for me. We go to class together. Curious glances are occasionally thrown our way. But there are fewer everyday.
We enter the classroom. Classmates still greet us with grins. But they're fewer everyday. The grins, not the classmates. We absorb various lectures. We spend lunch time with Emi and Rin. Rin does something unexpected. She always does. Lunch break ends. We absorb more lectures. Classes end for the day.
We go to the library. We continue reading through the Dune series. The library closes. We go back to the dorms. We spend some time in her room, studying for the upcoming exams, doing our homework. I help her cook dinner, and next day's meal. We eat our dinner. Night falls. I kiss her goodbye. I go back to my room. I sleep well.
That's pretty much what happened every day of this week. Of course, there were some moments that stood out.
One day, during lunch break, we found Rin staring at the sky, laying on the gravels of the rooftop. We all ended up staring at the sky, laying on the gravels of the rooftop. It felt good. We didn't eat our lunch this noon. But we didn't have to cook dinner that evening.
One day, Kenji managed to ambush me. He was worried. He spurted something about seeing me less often, and that it was the sign the feminists had taken control of me. And something about a cane. I tried to reassure him, but obviously he would have none of it.
Then, I told him I was on something big : A semi-religious order of women who control virtually all religions and politicians, and possess superhuman abilities that give them longer lifespans and superior intellect. that I couldn't blow it, or I'd suffer a fate worse than death.
That gave me enough time to make it to my room.
The moment I remember the most, though, happened the day after my 'accident' on the track :
We were greeted in class by a crowd of grinning girls. They expertly cornered me and started asking all sorts of embarrassing questions. It got to the point where I was wishing I could melt into a puddle and crawl away from them like that. Then I felt someone poking my shoulder.
It was Hanako, who stammered something about helping with her math problem.
I couldn't ask for a better opportunity to escape my current situation, so I followed her to her desk, politely apologizing to my defeated inquisitors.
"So, what's the problem?" I had asked, leaning on her table.
She smiled playfully. "I don't have any," she had whispered. "I just thought you could use the rescue."
I had trouble controling the sudden surge of love that coursed through me. A hug or a kiss would have stirred the gossiping beast yet again, so instead I drew a doodle of us cuddling captioned 'I love you.' She had to hide her smile and her flushed cheeks behind her hand, and we had to actually do maths for the next ten minutes to keep up the appearances, but it was worth it.
This was my routine, and I was happy with it. But today is different. Today, Hanako went to see her psychiatrist straight after class. Today I'm left alone in the library, doing some not-entirely-academic research on a computer.
Let's see...
A cinema, small to middle-sized to avoid the worst of the city's crowds, and, if possible, not too far from the bus stop.
The browser obediently churns out the results fitting these criteria.
Hmm...this one looks nice.
A new tab opens up with the list of the movies on display. The core of the matter...Now, what would she enjoy?
No... no...no... ...meh... no...what is...oh. Well, definitely not that...no...not this...nope...no...this is a movie?...nah...
I should have guessed that would have been harder than it looked. I'm pretty much going blind about Hanako's tastes in movies, even though I know for a fact she loves a good story. Well, let's go to the bottom of that list and figure it out from there.
...no...ny-ope...no... what is...I don't even know...no, that sounds boring as hell...no...no...n- wait.
What's that?
Oh, they're displaying this again. How come? Wow. It's been out for ten years, really? Now that I think about it, I did see it when I was a kid; I don't remember much of it, but I know for a fact it's good. Hmmm. Why not?
Though this is a gambit. Chances are Hanako's seen it already, it's been out for so long...
Well, what the hell. This is a really good movie. I'll take the risk... However, I should have some sort of backup plan, just in case. I really can't screw this up, after all...
...Ah, maybe this one. This sounds decent as well, though probably nowhere near as good as my first pick.
Now, on to the restaurant. It'd be best if it wasn't too far away from the cinema...and if it was affordable.
After minutes of clicking and discarding various potential candidates, I find an interesting one. Rather, a not-too-expensive and respectable-looking one. One with curtain-enclosed booths, dim lights and comfy-looking seats. The booths themselves are rather large, with an empty space between the table and the curtains. I assume that waiters can properly serve the patrons without having to hold the curtains open that way. How thoughtful. I double-check the price tags, just to be sure... No, it really is affordable.
I honestly, truly didn't think I'd find such a place, but here it is.
I copy down the different addresses and movie times, as well as the phone number of the restaurant, and head out. I'll make the reservation call later. It's a beautiful day outside, and lately I've begun to appreciate the little things in life.
I sit down on a bench in the gardens, and inhale the fresh air of Yamaku. The breeze and the occasional rainfall have been cooling the air to a more comfortable level lately. My eyes start to wander in the distance, where clouds gather.
They look like ethereal mountains, aimlessly wandering away, slowly changing shapes. The sun shining draws silver outlines on them, constrasting nicely with their otherwise blue-grey hue. It's a pretty picture these clouds paint, full of flowing lines and soft colors.
There's something very relaxing about cloudgazing.
"'Sup Hisao! What you doing here?" a familiar voice suddenly calls, drawing me back into the reality of the garden.
"Hey Miki," I reply, lazily waving to her. "Nothing much, really. Enjoying the day."
"Where's your other half? It's like you're always together lately." She moves to sits beside me.
"She went to see her therapist."
"Oh..." she looks away, as if sensing it's a touchy subject.
"Don't worry," I add. "It's an apointment she's had for some time, nothing to worry about."
She grins and gives me an amused look.
"You sure have changed a lot, didn't you Hisao?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I remember when we first met, you were all gloomy and thoughtful. Looked like one of those philosophers who're just sick of life. Like you carried the whole world on your back for a full year and didn't get paid jack.
...But now look at you! Gazing at clouds so full of hope and bliss it would probably make some people wonder what's gotten into you. If all the school didn't know already!"
The last part makes me groan a bit.
"...In no small part thanks to you, I'm sure," I mumble.
"Hell no! You two are no fun. You always manage to slip away before we can get to the juicy gossips part."
I raise an eyebrow.
"What was the other day about then? I could have sworn you were with those girls who tried to..."
"Okay yeah. I was there. Let's just say I really, really didn't like gulping down that bell pepper."
Wait. Does this mean...
"You were the one who set it all up, weren't you?" I shout.
"And you threatened me with a damn knife and wanted to choke me to death! That calls for revenge!"
"Whaaa-... How do- I didn-... That-"
My phone's ringtone plays out, interrupting my already perturbed train of thought. Caller ID is...Ah.
"Hey, Hanako."
"Hisao..." she sounds...happy. "I'm back at the dorms, if you..."
"Coming right away!"
"Alright." I can see her smile from there.
I stand up and glare at Miki, who is now grinning from ear to ear.
"I'll get back to you."
"Sure," she chuckles. "But bring fruits this time. Keepin' things fresh, y'know."
This girl...
I suppose I can forgive her. The girl actually tried to reach out to me without any ulterior motives and has been friendly ever since. And shoving vegetables down her throat was kind of rude.
Bah, I just can't stay mad at her, that's all. I'm in too good a mood for that.
As I arrive at the dorms, I see Hanako standing in front of the entrance of the male building. Right, she must have assumed I was in my room...
I have an idea.
I take a look left and right.
Noone else. Good.
I quiet my footsteps and close in on her silently. The "guess who" joke never gets old.
My eyes focus on her, making sure she isn't turning around. I can't help but letting my gaze linger a little. She's wearing her casual outfit, which does a nice job of highlighting her lovely figure. She really has the right curves in the right places, and that's not something her scars can change.
Only a few meters to go. This'll be fun.
One of my footsteps sends a pebble hopping away in between Hanako's legs.
...So much for that.
She turns around before I can right myself and the sight of me, half-crouched and wearing a confounded expression, is hers to behold.
"Hisao?"
"Uuhmmm...guess who?" Great, Hisao. Very clever.
She blinks once. Twice. A smile dawns on her face and she moves to hug me, saying nothing else. I gladly welcome it. I'd probably die of shame if she asked any question.
Hugs have become our preferred way of greeting when we're alone. No need for words, a hug is enough. It's a gesture of trust, acceptance, support and shared love. On top of that, it feels so good. When we hug, it feels like the world ceases to matter. Like we're free to rest in the other's arms for as long as it take for all our worries to go away. It's something reassuring, knowing that whatever our troubles might be, they will be soothed with a hug. No humiliating questions asked, no lenghty awkward discussions; just a hug, and the pain is gone.
"So how'd it go?" I mumble after a while.
"Good," she whispers. "...He told me our next appointment shouldn't be before the end of the summer vacations...and he even complimented me on my looks."
"Well, that's good, right?"
She nods.
We spend a few more minutes silently holding each other.
"Say, Hanako. Do you have any plans for Saturday?" I finally utter.
She breaks the embrace to look at me in the eyes.
"...Why?" she lets out, visibly surprised.
"I, uhm, thought we could go on a date... together."
"A...date?"
I nod.
She looks down.
"I've...Emi and I were planning to go shopping this Saturday."
It's my turn to look surprised. These two were basically strangers two weeks ago, and know they're good enough friend to hang out together in town on a Saturday afternoon? Whatever their frienship is based on, it's powerful stuff, especially considering how different Hanako and Emi are.
"Oh, that's... good...but, uh, when exactly?" I don't exactly manage to hide my confusion, but she doesn't pick up on it. Or care.
"Just after lunch...I'm sorry." She looks genuinely sad as she says that.
"It's no problem! We'd go at something like seven in the afternoon. You'd even have time to rest your sore legs a bit.
...You're going with Emi, after all," I add with a chuckle.
Her earnest smile finally lights up her face.
"Alright."
With that said, we just look in each other's eyes, waiting for the other to say something else.
As neither of us finds anything interesting, we just resume our hug.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Scene 2 : First Flight
I'm leaning against the blissfully cold stone of Yamaku's walls. Today's heat caught us all by surprise, and most classrooms had become fully-functional steam baths by noon. Thankfully it's Saturday, so we didn't have any more classes after that. That the walls were spared by the searing sunshine all day long is nothing short of a miracle, and one I'm appreciating very much right now.
Shame I didn't get to spend more time outside with Hanako, but going shopping with Emi must have worked out just as well for her. At least the stores in the city have air conditioning. And besides, I'm not sure she would have enjoyed being outside all day like that. We wouldn't have exactly been alone in the gardens, and the gossips haven't entirely died down, even now.
As for me, I just grabbed a short novel in the library and spent the afternoon reading it. And showering. Every two hours.
The cold stone feels really good.
She should be here any minute now.
I sit back, shut my eyes and let out a long sigh. The hot weather combined with the shade and freshness of the stones acts like a powerful sleeping spell.
...This position is much more comfortable than it has any right to be...
...I guess there's no harm in resting a bit while I wai-
"Hisao?"
Nguh.
I open my eyes reluctantly.
"Hey Hana-"
Woah.
Hanako stands before me, wearing a light, sleeved shirt with a pleated collar much in the style of her usual outfit, except this one is midnight blue, and a dress going down to her knees, just a shade darker in color. Black stockings and shoes complete the picture. Her dusky outfit constrasts starkly with the paleness of her face. She looks like a piece of the night sky, complete with its star, that somehow fell down there and assumed a human form... which would also explain her sheepish expression.
Closing my eyes is the last thing I want to do now.
" I-is something the matter?"
"Oh no. Everything is fine...
It's just... you look stunning," I finish with my most beaming smile.
"R-really?" she blushes.
"Yeah, really. You're very beautiful," and I mean every last word of it.
"Thanks," she replies softly, and goes to sit by my side, leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Tired?"
She nods.
"Let me guess...Emi?"
"Yeah...I couldn't feel my legs until an hour ago," she whispers.
I chuckle.
"Trust me, I know the feeling. You had fun though, right?"
She nods again.
"Emi is nice. And we went to a lot of stores. It was just...very tiring." Her faces sours a little as she says that.
"Something I should know?"
"Nothing. I-it's fine, really." She smiles, but it's a stilted smile. The one I see only when something's wrong.
"Hanako?"
"Don't worry about it," she finally says with a strange, determined look.
I decide to leave it at that for now. Prodding her further wouldn't probably do any good. But my initial uneasiness doesn't fade away.
We stay like that, in silence, until the bus arrives.
It's only when we're on the bus and halfway through the trip that I understand what her problem was.
The people.
They're staring at us. Oh, not insistently. It's mostly glances thrown our way. But there is nothing we can do to escape it. I can see Hanako is trying hard to remain calm, but the way she clutches my hand and her shaky breath are telling. She's struggling.
The city isn't any better. There are fewer stares, but far more people. And it's Saturday evening, meaning everyone is out on the streets. And everyone doesn't refrain from the occasional unsavory comment whispered too loudly. Hanako's hand starts to shiver in mine and her eyes begin to moisten.
We spend long minutes going through the loud and packed avenues of the center. Her state deteriorates rapidly, and the rares glances are soon replaced by disturbed looks from the passersby. I'm now desperately looking for somewhere quiet, but it proves pointless given the sheer number of people out here. It's by complete and utter providence that we come across a smaller, verdant and delightfully empty street soon after, some distance away from the restaurant.
Noone here to stare at us.
I stop under a tree and hold her in my arms, caressing her back and letting her head rest on my chest. Her tears are free to roll down her cheeks, at last.
I remain silent, waiting for the hug to soothe her on its own. It feels like a small defeat, being powerless while she is like that.
"H-how far is it...to where we're go-...ing," she asks after a while. Her voice is calmer, but still quaky.
"Just a couple of blocks away. We're almost there."
"Let's...let's go."
She grasps my hand. Her hold is much gentler, weak, even. She follows obediently as I lead her to the restaurant, but she's also feeling distant, unresponsive. The thought of her self-confidence going down the drains so suddenly leaves me feeling helpless. I can only hope that the restaurant will cheer her up.
I feel grateful for my older self for being thoughtful in his choice of place. Hanako could certainly use the curtain-enclosed booths and comfy seats right now.
From the outside, the place looks rather unassuming. A narrow, one-floor building crammed between a coffee shop and a pharmacy. It sports a small lobby with walls of burgundy and backlights, making the most of the limited space by giving off a cozy appearance.
We are greeted in the entrance hall by an Amiable-looking Waiter, who eyes us for a few seconds.
"Good evening. Do you have a reservation?" He asks with a deferent tone.
"Yes, under Nakai."
"Ah, indeed. Please follow me," he beckons, striding into the restaurant proper.
He only gave Hanako a brief look, and showed no reaction whatsoever after doing so. Professionalism at work, I guess. I like this place already.
True to its outward looks and its internet pictures, the warmly-colored and dimly-lit main space is rather cramped, and the tables are distributed close to one another. It must be a real challenge to navigate around here when it's full. Now, only some of the tables are occupied, though I hear noises coming from most of the booths surrounding the main room.
The waiter leads us to one of them, sits us down, hands us two menus and leaves after explaining that we can call him by pulling this string here, which will ring a bell next to our booth and signal him to come.
That's neat. And the price tags are reasonable. Hanako also seems to be faring a little better in the intimacy of the booth.
I really like this place.
The next minutes we spend browsing the menu. True to his word, the Amiable-looking Waiter comes and takes our order almost as soon as the bell is rung.
I decide to go for some small talk after that, to try and lift her somewhat better mood further up.
"You know, Hanako, there's a lot we still don't know about each other..."
"...What do you mean?"
"Well, for example, I still don't know what your favorite color is."
"Purple...or violet...I...I also like deep blue...what's yours?"
"I...used to like green a lot, but our relationship became a bit awkward since the hospital walls were all green...I guess now I like patterns of colors more than a particular one...
That's not very helpful, is it?" I add with a strained smile.
"No, I...I know what you mean," she replies. "...What's your favorite food?"
"I...uhm, I don't think I really have any...But what we ate the other day was really good. I really loved it. The dill-and-cream sauce and all that? That was tasty."
She freezes just a moment, eyes wide open, throwing glances everywhere in our booth, looking anywhere but at me. Her mouth opens. Closes. Opens again.
"Hisao..." she says in a hoarse voice.
"What...what was M-Miki talking about that day...it w-was about us, I know it b-but...but...you acted s-strange an-and..."
I take a long, deep breath. I suspected she had picked up on that, and that she would have asked questions eventually, but now, of all times...
"It...was about us, yes," I utter after a while.
"It was when I first met her, shortly after the festival. I was hanging out in the grass near the soccer field and she came to sit beside me. We chatted...and I told her...I told her that I liked you."
There. the bomb is dropped. I feel my heartbeat quickening, looking at Hanako in anguish.
Maybe I'm too anxious. Maybe she'll just shrug it off. Maybe...
"You...since all this time...you wanted to..."
"Yeah," I let out.
"B-but be-cause of m-my...panic attack...you...you didn't..." She's loosing it. A horrible feeling sets in my gut.
"Yeah." My answer is barely audible.
"We...could hav-...be-en together f...or months," she says dejectedly.
This time I don't answer. I can't. My throat is so tight I feel I can't even breathe.
Silence hangs in the air. Her body starts to tremble. She looks down, hiding her face behind her bangs.
"...I'm so useless."
No, no, not this, Hanako, I beg of you. Not this.
"Even though...you... loved me...back then...I managed to screw it up."
She lets out a humorless chuckle.
"I guess...even though I hate when people try to protect me...I need it. I need it because I always end up screwing up on my own... I always...screw up on my own..."
Why am I not moving ? Why am I not saying anything? Why am I not doing something?
I'm panicking. That's it. My own brain is stonewalling me. I can't be panicking. Not now.
With what feels like superhuman effort, I manage to lift an arm and place my hand on hers. She feels limp. She doesn't react to the contact of our hands.
Shit. No. Don't panic. You can't panic.
"Hanako..."
My throat is made of glass shards and my jaws of concrete. But at least I can speak.
"Do you remember...when you helped me escape those girls who wouldn't stop asking questions...about us?"
No answer.
"I remember. You said...'I just thought you could use the rescue.'
You were right. Sometimes I can't manage on my own either. Sometimes...I need help too. Same when I first arrived at Yamaku. We all feel useless at times. We all make mistakes.
...But it's alright to screw up if you can deal with the consequences. Sure, you had a panic attack. But in the end you dealt with it, and that's what matters. In the end, we learned so much about each other. In the end, we had a wonderful day in that park. In the end, this week was the best week in my entire life, and it's all thanks to you. You didn't screw that up.
And, hell, look at how wrong I had been about you all this time. Look at how I treated you. You said you always screw up on your own, but look at how I screwed up! It's a wonder you didn't end up hating me... Maybe we could have been together for months if you hadn't have a panic attack. But we could also have been together for months if I hadn't reacted like I did... It's as much my fault as it is yours."
Still nothing. I don't have anything else to say. My heart is pounding and my hands are shaking. Tears well up in my eyes. This can't end like this.
"...Hanako... please, say something."
"...It was the best week in my life, too." she utters.
"W-what?"
"I'm sorry, Hisao." Her hand grips mine tightly.
"What?" my eyes jolt up, gazing at hers. They are glistering with tears. What the hell is she talking about?
"I...I mean Ishouldn'thaveoverreacted."
"Oh..." I calm down. For a moment there I thought...I thought...
The Amiable-looking Waiter pops out of the curtains, carrying two plates he expertly places in front of us with a trained gesture. He retreats back just as quickly, bowing ever so slightly at our muttered thanks.
I look at the dish for a second, then back at Hanako.
The next moment we're standing up in middle of the booth, holding each other so tightly it hurts a little. And my chest hurts a bit, too. We may have bumped into each other. Or maybe it's the stress. Whatever.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers.
"Dont be." I gently wipe the tears off her cheeks."Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about."
"Then neither do you."
"Okay, deal." We both smile widely.
We kiss. We caress. We nuzzle. We cry. We laugh. We slowly regain our composure, warm and snug in a hug that really feels like one.
Eventually, we go back to our seats.
Eating dinner with one while holding hands may be inefficient and silly, but we wouldn't have it any other way.
It helps that the food here is actually delicious. I can feel my mood improving with each mouthful.
We begin playing childish little games with our fingers, like trying to catch the other's hand, or trying to tickle the space between our fingers. Hanako's face is joyful, now.
The girl I spend the rest of the dinner with is the same girl I met in the park about a week ago. Hopeful, happy and loving.
The rest of our time in the restaurant flows in an uneventful bliss. We make more small talk about the things that we love. We discuss the plot of the Dune series. We enjoy ourselves, and we enjoy being with each other. Some moments we just spend spacing out while looking longingly at each other.
The Amiable-looking Waiter walks us out of the restaurant after I pay the bill, voicing his hopes that we'll come again.
I swear his polite smile is a bit wider than before.
Dusk has come and gone while we were inside, bringing welcome freshness and shadow to the streets. My choice of cinema has us going through only a couple of quiet residential areas. Most of the houses there sports lush gardens overflowing on the narrow streets, giving off the impression of us walking in a garden of our own.
We're in front the the place soon enough. Hanako gazes at the cinema itself, then at the different movie posters on display.
"A movie?"
"Yep. I figured you'd like the idea. Was I wrong?"
"No..." she smiles at me. "It's a wonderful idea. Thank you, Hisao."
"Hey, don't thank me yet, you haven't seen it."
"Right...so...which is it?"
I look at the board, searching for a familiar poster...Ah.
"This one."
She looks at the title quizzically.
"It's...it's an old one, isn't it?"
"Oh," I blush, embarrassed. "You've seen it already?"
"N-no...I've heard good things about it, that's all."
"Alright! Great! Let's go then."
I pay for the tickets and we move inside. Strangely enough, the screens are named after prominent film directors rather than simply having a number. The building isn't very expansive, and, following the signs on the wall, we find the correct room within minutes.
'Hayao Miyazaki Auditorium: Princess Mononoke.'
Heh, I guess that's fitting.
A push of the door reveals a small room lined with rows of red comfy seats bathing in a soft amber light. It's also completely deserted.
An entire auditorium, just for us. We exchange knowing glances, and sit at the best spots in the back. Hanako lets out a satisfied sigh, sinks in her seat and gently strokes my hand.
"This is wonderful," she whispers.
I just nod, taking in the warm and quiet atmostphere.
That spell is eventually broken, however, by a din of high-pitched voices closing in on our auditorium. I'd assume it's some sort of extracurricular activity involving kids watching mov- wait a minute.
They're not going to go here, are they?
The clatter is getting more intense, and peaks when an adult figure pushes the door open, shushing the swarm of kids before letting them enter. There's about twenty of them, none older than ten. The teacher, a tired-looking woman, notices us as she holds the door open, and gives us a sorry look.
The children prove to be an obedient lot however, and most of them just seat where they're told, barely paying us any attention. Only a small group peeks a little more than discretion would advise, but even they look away when I return their gaze.
I realize I've involuntarily tightened my grip on Hanako's hand. She'd closed her eyes and drawn a shuddering breath as the kids entered. When she opens them again, her face bears a tranquil smile.
"I'm okay, Hisao," she voices calmly.
I barely have time to smile back before the lights dim into nothingness and the screen lights up. Everyone falls silent as the blue banner of Studio Ghibli appears.
I'm completely enthralled by the movie. I know technically it's the second time I see it, but really, I was no older than the kids in the front when I did. All I remember are some blurry images of forests and valleys and some nebulous characters. But still, the joy of reviving fond, half-forgotten childhood memories adds to the thrill of the film itself. The occasional glances I throw at Hanako show me she's as captivated as I am. She stares, spellbound, at the screen, never letting her gaze wander away.
We let the children exit before us when the movie ends, even though they haven't been much of a bother and kept utterly quiet the whole time, which I feel is commendable for their ages. I don't know if I could have pulled this off when I was a kid. The teacher gives us yet another apologizing look as she goes out, and I try to look as thankful as I can.
They're still here when we're out, though. And I see several kids are curiously staring at us, or rather, at Hanako. She doesn't seem to have noticed. Yet. I grab her by the shoulder and start heading to the opposite direction. It's not the most direct way to the bus, but going through a flood of curious children isn't an option.
"Miss! Miss!" a high-pitched voice calls.
Shit.
A little dark-haired girl runs to us, stops right before us and looks up.
"Miss! Have you been touched by an evil demon?" she cries out, pointing at the scars on Hanako's face.
Tell me this isn't happening.
Hanako stares at the girl in complete horror, then at the group of kids in even greater terror.
She manages to let out a tiny "why?"
"Because you're pretty, miss! And I'd be really really sad if you were cursed by an evil demon, 'cause you'd be in pain like Ashitaka, and you'd die! I don't wanna you die, miss!"
"Is...this true?" Hanako murmurs.
"I swear it's true! You're pretty, I swear it on Kitty!"
She shows off a worn stuffed cat, who must undoubtebly answer to the name of 'Kitty'.
"Don't worry," I speak up. "She's fine. She hasn't been cursed by demons, and she's not gonna die."
the girl's face lights up like I told her there's going to be twelve Christmas this year, one of them being tomorrow.
"Really? Yay! I'll tell the others! They'll be so happy too! Byebye miss!" She darts back off to the group.
That was unexpected. And strange.
"Err... Shall we head to the bus stop?" I venture.
"Yeah, let's."
I'ts rather dark out here, but I'm almost certain she's smiling.
The trip back to Yamaku happens without any other incidents, the streets having largely cleared out after nightfall, most people preferring the security and comfort of the various clubs downtown to the now-fresh night. The wind has picked up, and the moon that lit our path to the cinema is now largely obscured by pitch-black clouds, shining faintly through the thinnest of them and barely outlining the most menacing.
The wind is stronger up in Yamaku, and we have to plough through it to get to the dorms. The tension doesn't really go down once in the halls, as we're past curfew and still have to be cautious as we sneak into her room.
The instant Hanako closes her door behind her, the stillness overcomes us.
This room has become our sanctuary as of late, and has gone a long way from the impersonnal space it had been. Well, maybe not such a long way. It still retains its dark blanket and lack of furnitures. But now it really feels someones actually lives here : various books are strewn about, ranging from math and history manuals to collections of short stories. The desk is filled with darkened sheets of paper bearing both our handwriting, and the occasional doodle. I notice now that the simple doodle I drew of us cuddling along with its 'I love you' caption has been carefully cut from the sheet it belonged to and is now pinned to the wall aside her bed.
I smile at the sight, and pull a surprised Hanako into a heartfelt kiss.
She doesn't move away or ask questions. She wraps her arms around me and guides us to the bed, still kissing. We sit down, or rather, stumble on it, tripping over a pile of books.
"Hisao?" She whispers, pulling away.
"Hmm?"
"Tonight...won't end with just a kiss, will it?"
Our faces flush in unison.
"...Not unless you want it to."
"I don't... want that."
She leans in and fumbles with the buttons of my shirt before she manages to remove it while I knock our socks off and remove her top-
"Ikezawa, are you alright? I heard noises."
We freeze and look at each other in sheer terror. The warden. She is here. The warden heard us. Bad-
"Hello? I'm coming in!"
Without a second thought I grab my shirt, leap out of the bed and crawl under it as silently as I can. I hear the sound of books falling and blanket shuffling, soon followed by the sound of the door opening. I steady my breath. Now is definitely not the time to whirr like a steam train.
"Is everything alright, Ikezawa?" The voice is that of a middle-aged woman : The Stern Warden of the Girls Dorm.
"Y-y-yeah, It's j-just my b-books, they...they f-fell and..."
"Hmmm." I hear shuffling. "Tell me, Ikezawa... is that your sock?"
The socks. Always betrayed by the socks. We're finished.
"I-I-I-I...y-y, I m-mean, n-no, it...it's, uhm, it's..."
"Yes."
"It's a-an experiment." Hanako stammers.
What?
"What?"
"...w-with w-wil...wildlife. H-Hisao g-gave m-me one of his s-socks so I cou...could do it," she finishes.
Silence.
"What sort of...nevermind. I'll just trust you with this one. Goodnight, Ikezawa, and...sorry for the intrusion," the warden apologizes, retreating back to the door.
I wait for about half a minute to make sure she's gone. And to try and process what Hanako said.
Without much success.
Eventually I crawl out of my hidey-hole and look at her.
We stare blankly at each other. An amused smile dawns on her face.
"Hisao...you're full of dust!" She giggles uncontrollably, making me pout and blush a little. I had to hide under here or we were done for. I had no choice! Why is she making fun of me?
She keeps laughing, her arm held beside her mouth to stifle it. Which is nowhere near effective. But Hanako is laughing, a carefree and earnest laugh. I can't help laughing along. We look like two brats who just pulled off the prank of their lives.
Eventually, we calm down. I begin to try and shove off the considerable amount of dust on my clothing.
"Let me help you with this," she says, wiping out the stuff on my face. Our faces are very close now. Some of it must have gotten caught in her nose, because she begins to blink, furrows her brow and...
Ooh, here it comes!
"Aa-tchee!"
"Aha, revenge!" I smirk in triumph.
She looks at me with downcast eyes and sniffles a little. She looks adorable.
My lips are on hers before I know it.
We were done dusting me anyway.
She leans on the bed, pulling me with her. We strip hastily, fumbling with almost every possible piece of clothe. Once again, her stockings prove to be the hardest part.
"Hisao?" she whispers when I'm halfway through removing them. It can't possibly be that hard, can it?
"Yeah?" I'm sure if I pull a little more...
"...The door..."
What? Oh. Oh, of course.
I give up -temporarily!- the task at hand and move to lock the door. When I turn around, Hanako's stockings lie on the floor and she's sitting on the bed, naked, smiling sheepishly at me.
I'm not sure that's good for my heart, but at this point I really don't care.
I brush aside her bangs and kiss the blighted skin on that side of her face, drawing out a small gasp of surprise from her. Before she has time to protest, my mouth trails down her throat and kisses her neck, lingering there a moment before continuing down her collarbone, then to her breast. I tarry there a little, taking the time to fully appreciate its shape. She's letting out increasingly cute moans, which I take as a cue for pressing on.
I kiss my way down to her lower lips, being as gentle as I can with the scar tissue.
She lets out another gasp when I reach my destination.
"Hisao?"
"I love you," I simply state, and begin to poke at her bulge with my tongue.
She seizes my hand and presses it tightly, holding her other arm over her mouth. Her cries intensify each time I move further inside her, and her arm does little in the way of muffling it. Her reaction is all the encouragement I need to keep going.
I finally stop, feeling her hand quivering and slipping away. I lift my head up to see her breathing heavily, face completely flushed and eyes half-closed. She extends her arms invitingly, noticing I'm looking at her. I move up. She warps her arms around by back. Our lips meet in a long kiss of pure lust. It takes us a few moments to catch our breath afterwards.
I feel dizzy. It's getting harder to think. We look at each other and smile.
"I'm...on the pill," she says in a voice so soft I can barely hear it. I nod.
"I'm going in."
Her face bears a mixture of apprehension and desire.
I lower my hips, entering her in a slow, continuous motion. A surge of pleasure goes through me as I penetrate her, coursing through my body when I move further in. I stop.
"How does...it feels?"
"Good," she whispers.
I move my arms behind her back, embracing her. She warps her legs around my thighs. Our hips rock gently back and forth. Our heads are pressed against one another. I feel her breath on my face. Slowly, my mind let go, gently carried away by waves after waves of pleasure.
The rhythm progressively picks up on its own. She moans with every breath. Her face is red. Her half-shut eyes are gleaming and looking at mine. I love her. I kiss her. Breathe. Kiss. Breathe.
The pace picks up again. Her soft moans turn into cries of joy. I feel them echoing in my ears. It's intoxicating. I feel warm.
...And tired. My stamina begins to wane. My muscles protest as I press on. The motions of my hips become unsteady.
Hanako notices. She squeezes her hips against mine. We come to brief a stop.
She wraps her legs around me and we swap positions before I even have the time to look surprised. She stands there, on top of me, showing me her whole glistering body. With a bashful smile, she lowers herself on me, moaning softly as we connect once again.
I pull her close to me. Very close. I want to feel as much of her as I can. Hanako. My Hanako.
Past the pleasure I'm now drowning in, I can feel her skin against mine and her soft breasts pressing on my chest. I can feel the contrast between her soft skin and the leathery, coarse scars. It's a new, interesting feeling. This is how Hanako, and Hanako alone, feels. I savor this feeling, imprint it on my memory.
She presses on. We are so close now. I feel something rising within me. Like pleasure, but more.
Ecstasy. This is what it is. It washes over us, drawing out a single, united cry out of us, suddenly interrupted by her pressing her mouth against mine, heightening the sensation even further.
Then Hanako collapses by my side. We become aware of reality, of our ragged breaths, of our exhaustion. She places her palm over my chest, a hint of concern in her eyes.
Thu-thump.
Thu-thump...thump.
Thu-thump.
Thu-thump.
Thu-thump.
I'm good. I give her a bright but tired smile. She smiles back, nestling her head against my shoulder.
"I love you," she whispers, stroking the scar on my chest. It tickles.
"I love you too," I reply, pressing her against me. We could sleep like that.
"Hisao?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you...for being here...A-and for tonight."
Her eyes close. Her breath steady. Her sleeping figure is every last bit as adorable as I had imagined.
"Anytime, Hanako."
Her earnest smile lights up her sleepy face. It's the last thing I see tonight.
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