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Chapter Four - Shotguns and Cigarettes (April Fools!)

The slap to the face drew me out of my thoughts. I slowly, carefully shook my head, groaning. I tried to move my arms but they were still tied to the chair, painfully strung behind my back. The bastardly smug Yakuza leader stood before me, clad in black and red.

"Ah, Mutou, you're finally awake." He grinned, that same smile across his face that had been there when I passed out. His deep purple hair was combed and slicked back behind his head, his gaze piercing as always. Beyond him was darkness; the warehouse was abandoned, the only light shining down upon my face. It was as if I was in an interrogation and I was public enemy number one.

"Ready to let me go yet?" I spat, still unwilling to co-operate.

He shook his head. "Not until you pay off your debts. Do you know how expensive it is collecting the deed to a house that fancy? All those monthly payments must have gone right down the drain."

"I told you, I'm not into drug smuggling anymore." I gritted my teeth. "And what did you do with Kiyoko?"

He raised a finger to silence me, and walked around me in a wide circle, giving me a large berth. He knew just how strong I could get when I was angry, admittedly not much, and it was painfully obvious I wouldn't be able to escape my bindings anyway.

But I heard a door open from somewhere behind me, and another pair of footsteps accompanied his. When he returned to my view, he had someone with him, someone I recognized very well.

"Nakai?" I grimaced at the young boy before me, who looked just as calm and innocent as ever. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my initiation, sir." He shrugged. "You should know all about those, from what I've heard."

I frowned, both inwardly and outwardly. What this had to do with Kiyoko, I had no idea, but as soon as the Yakuza boss wagged a finger and one of his cronies brought her in, I knew exactly what was going to happen. Her hands were tied behind her back, her mouth gagged. She looked incredibly uncomfortable, and her muffled crying grew even more frantic as her gaze fell upon me. They'd taken her out of the house. She wasn't safe. She was panicking, and I could do nothing to help her.

The Yakuza boss had another of his mooks release my bindings. He shoved Kiyoko to the ground inches away, and pointed his huge, shiny revolver at me.

"Alright, Mutou, here's the rules: You move, I shoot you. Nakai here is going to have his way with your wife. You interrupt, I shoot her too." He shrugged, motioning to Hisao to get started. My breath seized in my throat and panic overtook me. I realized I was free now, that I could stand up and go to her and try to save her. I remembered specifically why this was all happening, but I had no time to recall it.

"Why are you doing this to us?!" I shouted at him.

He smiled. "Heh. Business is business, Mutou."

I gritted my teeth as Nakai frowned, looking over every inch of my wife. He wasn't sure what to do, and I could tell his moral compass was spinning in all directions at the moment. I started to sweat as he reached up toward the zipper on the front of her outfit and pulled it down, as if he were unwrapping a present. He marveled at her modest body; this was a woman before him, and honest-to-god creature that he would be able to relieve his sexual frustrations with.

"Now, Hisao, think about what you're doing." I mumbled, and his gaze caught mine. He shook his head lightly, and my expression got even more panicked. "Think very carefully!"

He hooked his thumbs in her blouse, ignoring the muffled shouts coming from beneath the gag. It was about to be pulled down, and she whimpered meekly. This was it. I could take it no more.

"Stop!" I yelled, fidgeting in my chair. The mob boss armed his weapon, but I didn't move. I didn't stand. I feared for both of our lives. "Please, stop." I had to use my powers of calming, they had to help me out.

"Mutou, what the hell do you think you're doing?" He frowned. "Did you not understand the rules somehow?"

"No, I understood them completely. I..." I hesitated, unsure of how to diffuse a situation of this magnitude. "I'm just not sure this is all necessary, you know?"

"What're you going on about?" He raised an eyebrow.

I stammered, trying desperately to keep my own cool. "I-I-I mean, teacher salaries are very generous these days! I'm sure I could have my debt paid off in a few months' time, b-but only if you spare my wife so she could get a job and work to pay it off with me!"

He rubbed his chin with his free hand, as if considering this. "Hmm... Nah, I think I'm just gonna shoot you. Got places to be, you know?"

"What?!" I stood from the chair, but he pulled the trigger faster than I could move, and my life flashed before my eyes. I gasped as the gun belched fire and anger, a tiny stick ejecting from the barrel. A flag rolled down from the stick, emoting a comically animated "bang!" across both sides.

I cocked my head, taking a close look at the confetti falling to the ground beneath the Yakuza leader's feet.

"You can't honestly tell me you don't recognize me, Akio." He squinted at me, smiling now. He held up a finger, then tossed the revolver aside and ran both hands wildly through his hair. With his eyes squinted and the purple hair splayed out everywhere, he certainly looked a lot more familiar than before.

"SURPRISE!" He yelled, at the same time several things happened. Almost a dozen more voices accompanied his, and the lights in the warehouse came to life with a loud boom. We were surrounded by people, dancing on the edge of the circle of light that previously surrounded me.

"Wh-what? What's going on?!" I yelled, looking at all the people I knew very well standing around me. Kiyoko herself was giggling now beneath her gag, carefully untying her own ropes so she could stand. I could see, as she unraveled them, that they weren't really tied to begin with, and it was all a ploy.

The Nurse stepped forward, patting me on the shoulder. His next words reminded me of something I'd long-since forgotten: "Happy birthday, buddy!" His beaming grin made me want to sock him one in the face, but suddenly I was more relieved than I'd been in a very long while.

"I-I... Oh. OOOOOOhhhhhhh." I ran a hand through my hair as it dawned on me. I slapped his hand off of my shoulder and frowned. "You asshole!"

But he was laughing. "Sorry for the scare! Your friend Nakai told me you were his favorite teacher and you needed to lighten up a little!" My gaze was now on Hisao, who looked incredibly sheepish. Hanako was hovering next to him, an equally shy grin on her own face.

"You two did this?" I shook my head slowly, refusing to believe it.

Hisao nodded to the Nurse. "He said it'd be easy to slip some knockout drugs into your coffee, and I contacted your wife to get her to help us out."

"They even convinced me to leave the house!" She saw my displeasure and giggled. "I love you, honey!"

Misha, wearing a sleeveless shirt to show off her still-healing and still-bandaged wound, shoved through the crowd. "'Scuse me! One side~! Wahahaha~!"

When she wheeled the absolutely massive cake into the center of the circle, lit up with a gigantic number candle at the top, I put my face in my hands. This was literally the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. Now all of my friends knew about my tragic past; I sincerely hoped they hadn't found out I was also secretly Batman. My thrash metal band would have to pump out a new song to accompany our first- titled Agoraphobia -after this, just so I could work out my frustration. As a guitarist, I've learned not to take things too seriously when I'm not jamming out.

But, somehow, I felt perfectly alright. I was used to this. After all, stuff like this is unfortunately very liable to happen when your birthday is conveniently placed on April Fool's day. I will always despise my parents for that.

Dafuq did I just read.

Nice prank. It had me until the end.

WTF? I'm thinking to myself, he's ruined a perfectly good story.

You, sir, are a genius and a bastard.

You, sir, have decieved your readers much more so than I have mine. I found myself wondering whether I was reading a well-written, fake chapter for April Fool's Day or a tangential, out-of-character actual chapter about April Fool's Day. Because the quality of the writing was still of such a high standard, it kept on imploring me for the benefit of the doubt; unlike my own prank, which was undoubtedly a fake chapter and thus it was taken as such from the start. Excellent work, as always.
Cheers, BlackWaltz.

And to think, I was going to leave you all in the dark about it until tomorrow. Everyone loves a good April Fool's prank now and again!

Don't worry, this didn't really happen within the story, it's all in good fun, we'll return to our regular emotional relationship mending tomorrow.

Is my brain screwing with me, or did you flip your Mutou avatar upside down?

Mahorfeus wrote:Is my brain screwing with me, or did you flip your Mutou avatar upside down?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

YOU GUYS

No, really. I don't know WAHAHAHA~t you guys are talking about. Is there something weird about my avatar?

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

but it will be funny in the morning (night here in New Jersey) when your avatar stays the same and no one know why we're laughing/arguing . I like to Think of this as our april fools prank to the ks community.

I think I like it better this way, to be honest. Misha's smiling mug is always a nice way to greet people wanting a Mutou story.

Speaking of Misha, though, I have a Braving the Storm update coming soon if people still care about that one. I'm also working on Little Faith because my work ethic is completely insane this late at night.

I'm going to take that last chapter as canon and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.

P.S. I like the ChilledChaos reference (I hope you were referencing it) about Mutou being Batman.

lol loved the April Fools chapter.

The O.H.L. wrote:I'm going to take that last chapter as canon and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.

P.S. I like the ChilledChaos reference (I hope you were referencing it) about Mutou being Batman.

glad I'm not the only one who caught the batman/Chilled Chaos reference(If it was intended)

Roamin12 wrote:lol loved the April Fools chapter.

The O.H.L. wrote:I'm going to take that last chapter as canon and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.

P.S. I like the ChilledChaos reference (I hope you were referencing it) about Mutou being Batman.

glad I'm not the only one who caught the batman/Chilled Chaos reference(If it was intended)

And here I was thinking only I noticed that O_O

Chapter Four

"Sir?"

Just another minute, mom.

"Uh... are you going to be okay~?"

I'm not ready for school yet.

"Okay, sure, I'll try again." The voice left and then returned stronger than ever. "Hey, teacher~! Hanachan and I have a question on the reading!"

This startled me out of my sleep. I shook my head a few times, but it didn't bring me any closer to reality. I eyed Misha carefully, taking a swig of my coffee, before her words finally came down on me.

"Wait, did you just say 'Hanachan'?" The word sounded impossible, foreign to me. It was a combination of two things that just didn't make sense when my brain tried to interpret them.

"I did~!" She motioned to Hanako, who was practically cowering behind the chubby teenager before her. "Do you think you could help us?" Misha made a better door than a window, but the deer-in-headlights look on Hanako's face said it all. Misha didn't have a question to begin with; she was just assisting Hanako, who was too afraid to ask for help on her own. I'm not going to lie, it was fairly heartwarming even for my standards.

I beckoned them to come up to the desk and assisted them as necessary. My response time was a little slow, as I have no doubt they noticed, but it was only because my night with Kiyoko had extended into something far different than the innocent stargazing it was at first. No, once we got back in the house, our clothes came off as if we'd been set on fire. Again, this isn't 'that type' of story, so I'm not going to go into too many details, but lovemaking, I will admit, is not my specialty. It makes me feel old to have to admit that my back isn't what it used to be, but then, you can only pretend you're still young for so long.

Hanako meekly thanked Misha for her assistance and returned to her seat, clutching her notebook as tight to her chest as it would go. Hisao looked practically distraught from watching the spectacle, and I suppose his awe was well-founded.

Hisao stuck around after class, until everyone including Hanako had left. He pretended to be pre-occupied with something outside the window until we were alone, at which point he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Nakai? What's the matter? The bell rang a few minutes ago, you know." I frowned. I might have been tired, but that didn't mean I wasn't paying attention. He was never one to daydream in the middle of class.

"I, um... I need some more advice." He avoided my gaze. "A-About Hanako."

I cocked my head in questioning. "I can't recall giving you any advice."

He pushed onward regardless. "Well, I took what you said to heart and all, and, um... Do you maybe... have anything else for me?" He and I both knew it was an awkward conversation to have with your teacher, but I was always an awkward person anyway, something Kiyoko would happily attest to.

I rubbed my chin. It was amazing how similar Hisao was to me when I was younger, and Hanako to Kiyoko. "If you really want to find out more about her, I suggest you spend some time alone with her," I decided on. "You two spend a lot of time with other people, but maybe your relationship would go further if you just talked as equals."

Hisao considered this. "Equals..." He tested the word out, slowly nodding to himself. "I think I get what you're saying."

I continued, motioning to him. "You're a smart kid, Nakai. Smarter than half of your classmates. You have to think logically about Ikezawa's condition before you make a choice on what to say to her." From just what I'd seen in class, Hisao had proven himself a headstrong enough person. I knew that he would take the situation head-on instead of just speaking his mind.

"Okay, I will. Thanks, Mutou." He smiled, and was off before I could say another word to him. That kid's going to give himself a heart attack running from place to place all day, I swear.

I sighed, putting away my work. I lifted the lid on my coffee, sighing a second time as I noticed it was getting close to empty. I wasn't very hungry, so I figured I'd make the usual trip down to the coffee shop and get some more. It always tastes better when someone else brews it; my father taught me that.

I'd made this journey a lot. I could probably do it with my eyes closed if I really felt the need to; the path from Yamaku down to the streets was long and winding, but it was a straight shot if you didn't mind hopping a few railings. I, of course, was in my formal teacher outfit and whatnot, so I had go the normal route. I personally wouldn't mind a few scuffs on my uniform, but the head principal certainly would. She's a little bit of a hardass about pristine clothing choice.

Not that I'm badmouthing her, of course. She runs a great school with a great purpose, but man; some people could certainly learn to lighten up around here, myself included. It's rare to even see her outside her office during the day unless she's on her way to the lounge to get lunch. I've had the pleasure of talking to her a few times on a personal level, though I've seen her in several meetings. It's not sarcastic when I say 'pleasure', she really is an ambitious woman. God help whoever decides to get on her bad side, though.

Regardless, I ordered my coffee and sat down at a table on the outdoor patio. It'd be an hour or so until I had to go back to Yamaku, which gave me some time to relax before my next class. I took a deep whiff of the coffee before taking the first drink; like Kiyoko, I have always been a fan of the smell before the taste. I wanted to light a quick smoke but the sign telling me not to hung in front of my face like the searchlight of a lighthouse. Ah, well. There would be time for smokes on the walk back. I closed my eyes and listened to the mid-day chatter in the background, ready to take a break from the hectic day. I really was exhausted.

"Hey, mister!" Before I could settle in, a voice brought me out of my would-be slumber. I didn't respond, frowning and cracking one eye open.

"Hey! Are you asleep?" The voice continued. It was high pitched, squeaky. I glanced around for the source of it, before I looked down and saw a young girl with bright eyes and a shock of white hair staring up at me. It was tied off in two ponytails on either side of her head, short otherwise. She looked exuberant, ecstatic.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Her voice was very, very high pitched. "No, I'm not asleep, why?" I grunted. God I was close, though.

"I was just walking by and I thought I'd wake you up! Wouldn't want someone riflin' through your pockets while you're asleep, right?" She smiled, a little hole where a front tooth should be disrupting her grin a bit.

"Uh, sure. Thanks, kid." I wasn't really sure what to make of her.

She extended a hand up to me. "My name's Yoh! I haven't seen you around here before!"

I took her small hand in mine and gave it a light shake. "Er... I'm Akio. I come here for coffee all the time."

"Really? Wow, I never knew!" She seemed genuinely excited to learn this. "Mind if I take a seat?"

I absolutely minded. This girl, Yoh, was interrupting my private time. I was already very tired, but I nodded anyway, deciding to let her ramble to her heart's content.

She leaned across the table, launching into a story about chasing a stray cat that wanders around the neighborhood across the park and through an alley, and she got distracted when she noticed me sitting alone at the coffee shop. She went into great detail, and I wondered just how bright she was behind the childish exterior.

I cleared my throat to silence her for a moment. "No offense, Yoh, but don't you have parents to go spend time with?"

She cocked her head as if the question was foreign to her. "What? My parents are dead, silly!" She giggled. "Obviously I can't spend any more time with them!"

"What?" My fingers tightened around my coffee cup. She seemed to be a bit too eager to admit that, but I supposed a young girl wandering around by herself in the middle of the day made more sense now.

"Yeah!" She nodded. "It's just me, all alone!"

I scrutinized her, mouth agape. I found myself completely unable to say anything. She was still so happy sounding, even while sharing the death of her parents with me. Her age was lost on me for a moment from the harshness of the tragedy.

"Don't feel bad for me, I'm doing just fine. I'm bunking with this friend of mine, he's totally cool!" She held up her hands to ward off my sudden sympathy.

"Well... why did you come talk to me, then?" I blinked a few times.

She shrugged. "I dunno, you looked lonely, I guess."

This hurt me far more than it should have. Did I look lonely? I supposed a man at a coffee shop by himself would look pretty forlorn to an outside person, five o' clock shadow and melancholy train of thought aside.

"Well, I'm not." I nodded, trying my hardest to look sincere.

She made a small pouting face. "Oh." Then she pointed at my coffee, ready to pursue a different topic. "Whatcha drinkin'?"

I gave the cup a look over. "It's just regular black coffee. I don't like the fancy stuff."

Her shiny, green eyes brightened even more. "Ah! A man who likes the simple things! That I can appreciate." She wagged a finger at me, a mock-sage look in her eyes. "Here, take a look at this!" She slung her backpack over her shoulders and plopped it down on the table, which jiggled a little from the weight of the impact. With the force she swung it over the table, it came just shy of hitting me in the face. Her recklessness knew no bounds so far.

She rifled through it for a minute before pulling out a pocketbook. As soon as I set my coffee cup down, she tossed it to me, and I struggled to catch it. It was a simple leatherbound thing, and I gave it a look over, confused. Why she was showing this to me, no, why she had even bothered to converse with me, I still had no idea.

"What is this?" I opened it up, scanning the pages. It was full of writing, almost every page completely filled with her childish scrawling. "A journal?"

"Yep! It's my adventuring guide!" She folded her arms, with a grin that rivaled Misha levels of wideness. She leaned across the table to point out the important bits to me. "It's a simplified way to tell people how to get around town! It's also a diary, but I'd prefer if you didn't look at that part."

I spent a few minutes giving it a look through. There was a map of the whole town in the front pocket, with different side streets and alleys marked as the fastest ways of getting around. It looked almost like a convict escape route map, and I couldn't help but wonder how often she had to take her own shortcuts.

Yoh and I spent the rest of my lunch break talking; not about anything in particular, only what she deemed important. She told me several stories of her various adventures; I didn't particularly ask for them, but it was a good way of filling out the time, regardless.

Suddenly, in mid-story, she pushed off of the table, giving me a cutesy smile. "Well, I'd better be goin'! That kitty isn't gonna find itself!"

I was flabbergasted. "Er, alright." I watched her hop from the patio and start off in the direction she'd come in before she realized where she was going and about-faced.

"Later, Akio!" She waved, not bothering to look back.

"Sure." I took a sip of my coffee. It was only after she'd turned the corner and disappeared that I realized her journal was still sitting on the table. "Wait, Yoh, your--" I looked back, but she was already gone. Sighing, I stuffed it into my pocket. My lunch break was almost over; which meant I had no time to look for her. Hopefully she'd come down the coffee shop again the next day, to see if I'd kept it safe for her. I started back up the walk to Yamaku, still totally lost on the past hour or so of conversation. Part of me hoped I was going to see her again, because she seemed like an interesting enough character to converse with. Her confusing nature astounded me; she defied science and logic with her mere presence.

What a surreal experience.

When I got home, the first thing I did was share the occurrence with Kiyoko. She advised me not to read the journal, that it probably contained her innermost thoughts. She told me that if Yoh really was an orphan, her personal feelings were hers alone, and we had no right to intrude upon her privacy.

"And she just got up and left?" Kiyoko frowned, turning from the sink to me. She handed me another plate, which I dried with the same cloth as all the others. She and I like to alternate chores; she'll wash while I'll dry, I'll cook while she cleans, and so on. Leaving everything to her would make me feel like a scumbag; I'm not one to take advantage of others' hospitality.

"Yeah. It was strange. I want to know who this guy she's staying with is."

Kiyoko shrugged. "Maybe he's family."

"Maybe. I mean, I wouldn't want him to take advantage of her, y'know? She only looked about ten or so."

"Well, why don't you ask her?" Kiyoko picked up another plate. "You're going to give her the diary back tomorrow anyway, right?"

I could still feel its weight in my pocket. "Yeah... but something tells me she's not going to tell me so easily." I shook my head as she handed me the dish. "It was just so odd."

She gave me an honest smile. "You should be used to odd things by now." A peck on the cheek later, I understood what she meant, and smiled back.