Katawa Shoujo Forums

Mirage_GSM wrote:Minor nitpick:

Yeah, this has come up a few times in this fic and its brethren. There are also recurring pronoun issues; when writing about "she and I" or "Hanako and her" or whatever remember to drop the other party to determine the correct pronoun (e.g. "She always spoke of Hanako's and her going to the store" vs. "She always spoke of she and Hanako going to the store"; this one's tricky, but since "going to the store" is a gerund clause you want to use possessive tense and a possessive determiner here, i.e. your/my/his/her/etc. More on that here). This will solve a lot of problems. If you're looking at how it actually works rather than what sounds right remember to keep your subjects and objects straight.

This is a minor issue though. The story itself is coming along nicely.

Now that I think of it, even if our Hisao confronted Anti-Hisiao, he couldn't touch him. Lest he get himself in the same situation as Hanako. ... That doesen't prevent the conveintly place lead pipe from touching him though .

Who says that will happen? Just because it happened to Hanako that way doesn't mean it always happens.
Surely a scientific person like HIsao knows that if you mix two clear liquids, sometimes nothing will happen, sometimes they'll turn red, sometimes they'll turn green, sometimes they'll sizzle...
Okay, I agree it probably wouldn't be a good idea to touch him.

Lead pipe still sounds good, though.
So would anti-Hisao and not-Hanako know each other from the other timeline if they met?

Another superb chapter, Doomish. Looking forward to part 5!

Read all the other chapters after the first. I have some difficulties keeping track of all (especially considering Hisao himself isn't able to in the story, given all the things that are happening around him) but I'm definitely waiting for further developments. I only hope Hanako won't end up getting turned into some "chew toy" to unleash suffering to, she's already gone through a lot in Cutter and her dimension-shifting means she may have experienced the events of the Hanako of With Apologies too.

I obviously also read the post about Doomish's personal history and the only thing I feel like saying is that, if what happened to you, terrible as it was, helped your talent for writing to come out, it's a good case of when something good comes out from the bad. Good luck.

Forget it.

*phew* I was worried you were going to hand anti-Hisao the keys to completely destroying everything good in Hisaio's life. Judging by the chapter title things are going to get worse before they get better (but not too much worse, I still have this lead pipe you know ). Anyhow, I'm glad you didn't go all out, it is bad for ones work performance when one is focused on fighting back tears...

Forget it.

I swear, I was on the verge of sympathizing with the other Hisao, but then he had to go and ruin it by being a total douchebag.

And that was all just the introduction? Things are going to get epic in here.

Very nice. I was confused in the beginning, though. Hah.

He froze up for a second. What happened to Thursday? When he went out to the track with Emi, he was positive it was Thursday; in fact, he specifically remembered Lilly saying they had today and tomorrow off of classes. How could he have lost a day? Perhaps his fight with the other Hisao took some time away from him, brought him into the future; perhaps he was out in the forest with Emi for a whole day that passed as if it were mere seconds.

The first thing I'd do in that situation would be to call Emi and see if she'd lost a day as well...

Hisao's not genre savvy enough to think of that, even in real KS! :p

Doomish wrote:Hisao's not genre savvy enough to think of that, even in real KS! :p

Awesome fridge logic.

Doomish wrote:Hisao's not genre savvy enough to think of that, even in real KS! :p

Hey, he's supposed to be good at scientific thinking

Mirage_GSM wrote:

Doomish wrote:Hisao's not genre savvy enough to think of that, even in real KS! :p

Hey, he's supposed to be good at scientific thinking

True, but remember this is the guy who took forever to put 2 and 2 together regarding Emi's dad. Scientifically inclined or no, he's dense as lead.