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Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit, guest starring Shizune

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 5:19 am
by Saika
I just figured out that I can post replies on my psp! Good stuff, kosher.

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit, guest starring Shizune

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 12:07 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Ok, Kosherbacon, you this time you really did it.
Your story made me laugh (Aimi), blush (Hiraku) and cry (Yasu) and not many fics have managed the latter.
Hiraku's and Mariku's introduction was a piece of art, even if I don't usually like lemon that much. I think it's already the third time I've been caught tottally unprepared by
one of your story's endings, and that doesn't happen all that often as well.
And when Yasu got to read Michi's diary...
Thank you for your great stories!
Hope you continue this one soon - and I hope the other Yamaku studen's won't all be total assholes like Shizune.
(Though I'm already dreading your Emi-bashing... :-(

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit.

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 2:28 pm
by darrin
kosherbacon wrote:“The fuck you lookin' at, stumpy? Move along, ain't nothing to see here.”
Awww, poor Emi... :( :lol:

As much as I cried at the Yasu + Michi story, this one had me giggling. Aimi must be fun to write.

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit.

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 3:48 pm
by Mirage_GSM
darrin wrote:Aimi must be fun to write.
Yes, in the beginning of the story I thought she'd be the one with Tourettes...

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit, guest starring Shizune

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 7:16 pm
by GG Crono
I'm sorry, I just can't picture Shizune saying (as such) "You mad". :lol:

That aside, a very interesting piece. As said above, looks like you have fun writing it.

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit, guest starring Shizune

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:02 am
by kosherbacon
Xuan wrote:I don't quite understand what kind of surprise is in store for Shizzy though.
You know those items that Kouta forgot to throw away when cleaning up their rooms? Yeah.

And that was totally Lilly who told Aimi where Shizune's room was.

I'm glad you've all enjoyed things so far! Yes, overall, this was very fun to write so far. Especially Aimi, even though she's a borderline jerkass-sue. :D

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit, guest starring Shizune

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:27 pm
by AapoAlas
Yeah. The night's been long and I have a ton of stuff to do. Stuff like school work and other stuff. Instead I just read all the Kyouki Shoujo chapters and loved every single one.

kosherbacon, you're a goddamn genius. I hope to read more of your stuff.

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Part 7 -Yamaku visit, guest starring Shizune

Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:38 pm
by kosherbacon
And now, a two parter. First, a story based off the original (sad) ending I had in mind for the Yasu/Michi story(I'm glad you guys seem to like them. :D )

A few of my proofreaders threatened to hunt me down in response to the suicide, so I must be doing something right.
Smoku wrote:
kosherbacon wrote:(character) DIES.
Why you little..! I'll find and strangle you while you're asl...
Immediately following are more misadventures of the resident sex addict, featuring Misha and Shizune. Shout out to Lela Hamilton, y'all.
neumanproductions wrote: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT TO MY GIRL, YOU BASTARD!
================================================================================================================================
Distant Whispers
================================================================================================================================

"What's wrong? Yasu? What's going on?"

“Nothing,” Yasu answered with a restrained smile, as she wrapped her arms around Michi's chest and nestled her face against her shirt. “I'm just enjoying this.”

Something was not right that evening. Yasu had been going through an unusually long depression and suddenly she had become clingy and affectionate.

“Oh, okay. What'd you do today?”

“Sorry I didn't meet up with you until later. I was on the phone with my parents all afternoon.”

“Wow,” Michi was amazed. “Was it a good conversation?”

“Yeah, it was nice it felt really good to hear their voices today,” Yasu replied contently.

Something really was amiss that night. Yasu usually recovered from her deepest funks with some graduality before becoming sociable. She never sought out her parents on the way back up before.

Michi passively tried figuring out Yasu's head for many more blissful minutes before time for lights-out approached.

“I have to go back to my room now, Yasu. Are you sure you're okay?”

“I'm fine. I'm just tired,” Yasu calmly said with a relaxed look.

“Okay then. I'm just a little worried, that's all.”

“Don't worry. Everything will be fine tomorrow.”

“If you say so,” Michi skeptically responded before taking a look around Yasu's sparse room. “Hey, remind me to return all the books and stuff I've borrowed from you. It's hella empty here.”

“You don't have to. You can keep those if you want.”

“No way, I don't want you to get bored when you come out of it,” Michi nagged before giving Yasu a goodnight kiss, who prolonged it as much as possible, savoring every moment.

“Goodnight, Yasu. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, tomorrow...”

Michi drifted back to her room to go to bed. Yasu's behavior that day was a little out of the ordinary but by no means alarming. There would be plenty of time to discuss things with her in the morning.

After dreams so brief she had no recollection of them, Michi woke up with her usual disoriented shock. Since her operation, every morning was more or less a surprise to Michi. Or at least they probably were.

Was she in the hospital? No... Her house? No, not that either. Well-drilled lessons began trickling back into her mind. She was at school, in her dorm room. Michi had woken up up in the same bed enough times for her bouts of confusion to only last a few moments.

Following her thoroughly imprinted routine, she checked her dresser. There were no notes or letters from the previous nights. The notepad explaining her whereabouts and her condition sat under a pile of loose change. She hadn't needed a full briefing in a long time, not that she could remember, anyway. Michi browsed the labeled photographs that lined the mirror and became overwhelmed with loneliness.

She had no friends. She had study partners, teachers, counselors, even trusted street vendors in town posted on the mirror, but no friends. Michi was reminded again that with her condition, friendship outside of family was an impossibility. At the very least, it appeared that a large collection of books in her room could keep her company instead. Some were familiar but most were not. In fact, they weren't even of subjects that interested Michi. Still, books were books, and unlike people, they never forget.

Michi resumed her routine with little need for consulting her own instructions. On the way out of the dorm she passed by a single open door in a hall full of uninvitingly closed ones. Somehow drawn to the large beam of sunlight spilling into the hallway, Michi peeked inside. Inside were a police officer, two teachers, and one of the school doctors.

Also present, hanging from the air conditioning vent with a window curtain knotted around her neck, was a short-haired girl fully dressed in a school uniform. She was facing away from the door, her knees bent and hovering a couple centimeters off the floor from keeping her weight free hanging. From where she stood, Michi saw the girl's head was purple with the blood that pooled during her slow strangulation.

Michi had no idea who the girl was at all.

“Michi!” her mother screamed in horror from behind before running around to slam the door shut.

“I told you to keep the door closed!” Michi's mother yelled into the dead girl's room. “The students are heading out to class now!”

“What's going on, Mom?”

Michi's mother worked for the school's housing department. As dorm mom and unofficial counselor, she served as a link between Michi's past and present. Although Michi needed no reminding that her mother worked at the school, she was still somewhat surprised to see her looking a little older than she did when Michi was a child.

“I'm sorry, Michi,” her mother said, throwing her arms around Michi and shielding her daughters eyes from the sad sight behind the now-tame closed door. Mrs. Mizuno wasn't just Michi's mother, she was a parent to all the girls in her building, many of whom came from broken homes and abusive families. She loved them all the same.

“Who was that?”

Michi's mother looked at her in the eyes with equal parts confusion and concern. A quick burst of tears erupted from her eyes before she calmed down.

“She was... a sick girl, Michi. She was unwell for a very long time.”

“Come on, let's get out of their way,” she said, guiding Michi down the halls, as far and as quickly as possible from the scene of the suicide.

Michi went on with her day, quickly forgetting about the suicide in the dorms. Unfortunate ends such as that must have been an unavoidable fact of life at a place like Saint Pfil's, right? Even the initially haunting sight of the girl who hanged herself quickly faded from her waking memory.

At lunchtime, some of her classmates grouped up to go eat together, some as friends, some as lovers. They dispersed, leaving Michi alone, all alone.

The loneliness was what truly haunted her, far more than seeing a dead body first thing in the morning. Somehow Michi knew that she felt more lonely that day than she did the previous.

With her mind broken, nobody in the past four or five years mattered to her, nor did she matter to anyone she didn't know before then.

In bed, Michi said goodbye to the day and cried to herself. She would be alone, forever. Before falling back asleep, she recalled the dead girl from earlier. Did she feel the same way before she died?

“Yasu!”

Michi shot upright in her bed with a precious name on her lips.

“Yasu... Oh, oh my God, that was Yasu!”

Michi fell out of her bed and wrestled to keep the nightmarish memories contained in her head, no matter how much she wanted to forget. Seeking corroborating evidence, she scrambled to the dresser.

Yasu's picture wasn't there. Of course it wouldn't be, Michi had not needed a labeled picture of her in a long time. She opened up a drawer and saw a strip of affectionate photo booth pictures.

She did exist, or rather, they did exist.

Confused and terrified, Michi stood in front of the mirror and pulled up her shirt. Yasu's name was still on her breast, over her heart. She tried making sense of it all. How could she possibly let Yasu erase herself like that? That couldn't possibly have happened, could it? It seemed so real, yet every fiber in Michi's being prayed that it was just a dream.

But dreams weren't supposed to be that specific. It all felt so real because it could be real, given Michi and Yasu's conditions.

Michi pulled out a drawer and felt around inside the dresser for her hiding place, one that isn't written down anywhere. If she forgot it, it would probably be lost forever. Just where she hoped it would be, Michi found a small envelope with an unauthorized copy of her mother's master-key for the dorms.

Terrified of what she might find, Michi snuck out of her room and pushed her way through the halls, with fear pressing her back while love moved her forward. There were no extra signs, tape, or padlocks on Yasu's door. Michi tried taking that as a good sign but she had no idea what the procedure was for securing a dead student's room was anyway.

Stabbing into the abyss, she clicked open the lock and opened the door. The room was as stark as it was when she last saw Yasu alive, with the bookshelf barren from Yasu giving Michi her books. The window curtains were in place but that proved nothing since they could have been replaced during the day. However, barely audible sounds from the unmade looking bed gave Michi a ray of cautious hope. Michi threw the blankets off the bed to put to rest the confusion as to whether or not the previous day was a dream.

Yasu was there, curled in a ball. Michi put the back of her hand against Yasu's face and felt warm breath brush against her. Yasu was alive, definitely alive. The horrible day where Michi forgot all about her was only a dream.

“Yasu...”

“Hmmm...”

“Yasu...”

“Hng...wha? Michi? What is it?”

“Are you okay?”

Even though Yasu was alive for the moment, she did act suspiciously last time Michi saw her.

“Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?”

“I was just thinking about earlier... are you sure you don't want your books anymore?”

“What? Yeah, I'm sure. I read all of those already and my dad is sending me a bunch more from home so I need to make room.”

So Yasu wasn't bequeathing her books to Michi as a final gift, but what about the usually long talk with her parents?

“Oh. How are you and your parents? What did you talk about?”

“What did I... eh, just living arrangements and stuff. My mom wants to move back home and they want to take me on a trip next break we have. By the way, I was going to ask you if you would like to come along and protect me from them.”

Not only was Yasu not saying goodbye to her parents, but she was also making plans for the future. But what about her stoic anticipation of the next day?

“Well, I'd love to go. I'll have to ask my parents first,” Michi said. “Hey, what do you want to do tomorrow?”

“Sorry, I'll be pretty busy tomorrow taking admission tests for a couple colleges. I'll be finished before dinner, though.”

“Is that what you were scared of?”

“You could tell, huh? Yeah, I was freaking out about them for the past few days but today I got a grip and calmed down. After all, they're not the only colleges in the world, and I've done all the preparing I could so no point in getting stressed, right?”

Michi elatedly embraced Yasu on the bed. Yasu was going to be there the next day. And the day after.

“Hey,” Yasu asked, “are YOU okay?”

“Yeah... I just had a nightmare, that's all.”

“Was it the one where I died?”

“I... dreamt that before? I guess then... Y-Yes... With you acting the way you were, it was so real, and so scary... You were gone, all gone, and I was going to just carry on like nothing happened!”

“I know, I know. It's okay, you can't be mad at yourself for something you did in a dream. Do you want to spend the night here?”

Michi undressed and crawled in bed to merge with Yasu by holding onto her tightly from behind, as she was the most precious thing in the world to her. That night, she needed to be reassured that Yasu was there with every possible patch of skin.

“Hey, Michi,” Yasu said, stroking Michi's hand.

“Yes?”

“I'm not going anywhere. I promise.”

As Michi happily clung onto Yasu, she came to a wonderful realization. Her memories from the night before were still fresh in her mind and survived the deep sleep that led to her nightmare. She remembered Yasu's strange behavior and unusual displays of affection. Furthermore, she remembered enough to even know that Yasu was acting more unusual than she usually did. She decided to share her happy revelation with her girlfriend. Yasu was asleep, but this was big news that she would surely be interested in.

“Hey, Yasu. Wake up, I have to tell you something.”

“Hrmp... what? Another nightmare?”

“No,” Michi said into Yasu's ear, audibly grinning. “Do you have anything planned the day after tomorrow?”

“No, I'm free the whole day. Why?”

“I'm ready for you.”

Yasu's eyes burst open as she snapped wide awake. There was no way she could relax well enough to go back to sleep.

...

“Morning, Mom!” Michi said as she walked down the halls reviewing notes from the previous day's forgotten lectures and minor events.

“Good morning, why weren't you in your room this morning?”

“Uh, I was in Yasu's room. She's not feeling well.”

“Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Is she skipping class today?”

“I'm afraid so. She needs to get some sleep because she's taking some entrance exams tonight.”

“Oh, that poor thing.”

Michi grinned all throughout her do-over of the day from her nightmares. Yasu was alive, Michi wasn't alone, and they had the next day to look forward to.

A very big day.

-End-
Yes, I did seriously intend for their story to end with Yasu killing herself and Michi barely noticing, lol

================================================================================================================================
Diplomatic Relations
================================================================================================================================

“Shicchan, I have the prisoner here.”

”Unmask him.”

Misha yanked her captive towards the student council room's interrogation table and dumped him onto a chair. In a rough movement that nearly pulled a lock of hair out, she wrenched the dingy burlap sack off his head. The outsider was just as unkempt looking as his roughed up uniform from a different school.

“Sup?”

“Don't 'Sup' us!” Misha snapped. “What were you doing ON school property, IN the girls' dorms, AFTER curfew?”

“I was visiting a few friends. Is that a crime?”

“YES.”

“My bad.”

“You have brought dishonor to our school and its students. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Eh, can you free my hands? I'd like to address your president myself.”

“You know sign language?”

“A little, I'm good with my hands, you see...”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

“Fair enough. So... there is a reason why you ladies are grilling me here instead of handing me over to security?”

“Shicchan believes that everyone deserves a fair chance to redeem themselves in our eyes.”

“So the handcuffs and blinding is foreplay?”

“Anyways, state your name, situation and what school you go to.”

“Hiraku Ota, alleged sex addict. Saint Pfil's Specialty Academy High School. Amber class.”

“D-Did you say Saint Pfil's?!”

“Which one of you stuttered just now?”

Misha pounded her fists on the table while Shizune remained frozen in place, save for her hands whenever speaking. Their cocky prisoner was showing no signs of remorse. In fact, his visible impatience grew, as if he was begging them to hand him over to the proper authorities instead of wasting his time.

“Look, I'm sorry about what I did to Miss Ibarazaki, and Tezuka, and Miura, and Hamilton, and Koyama, and your librarian, and the dorm mom, and the teacher of-”

“Are you confessing or bragging?”

“Just easing some pressure off my guilty soul. Is there anything I can do to earn my way back into your good graces?”

“Shicchan and I have had past dealings with your school. Sad to say, your esteemed institution's reputation gets sullied more and more with every passing incident.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. What could I do to improve the reputations of my colleagues?”

“In the past, your student council has proven themselves to be unworthy competitors and sore losers. Right now, an inter-school competition we have arranged is in jeopardy. Mister Ota, would you be willing to demonstrate the ability to compete on a level playing field in a game of chance and strategy?”

“You mean like poker?”

“Nothing that crass. How about a game of Risk?

Risk, huh? Is that the one with the world map and the little army men?”

“Why, yes it is,” Misha graciously offered with her usual sinister sweetness. “What do you say? Best Shicchan honorably in the field of battle and you win your freedom and honor in your school's name. Lose, and be handed over to security.”

“Oh no, baby, you gotta give me something better than that.”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Honestly, I could really give a shit about my school's reputation, and I've danced with private school security guards before, so my prize doesn't mean dick to me. This game, however, must mean a helluva lot to you if you're going out of your way for something so trivial.”

Misha and Shizune stared at each other, almost as if they were telepathically conversing to keep their thoughts away from Hiraku's eyes.

“What do you want?”

“A date.”

His verbal bombshell silenced the room in a sort of ultra-silence that even Shizune felt uncomfortable with.

“Okay, fine. Tomorrow afternoon, I...”

“You? No, no. Both of you. After all, aren't you gals inseparable?”

“That's out of the que-”

“So the great and indomitable Shizune Hakamichi cannot handle one clumsy pervert, even with her trusty sidekick at her side?”

Misha repeatedly rapped her fingertips against the tabletops, possibly as an involuntary signing of scrambling thoughts running through hers and Shizune's heads.

“Okay, Mister Ota, if you win fair and square, Shicchan and I will entertain you tomorrow evening. Do understand that it would be strictly professional and you by no means should expect anything lewd to happen.”

“Wouldn't dream of it. Are we gonna play or what?”

With the well worn Risk board on the table, Hiraku's trial began.

...

Hiraku flicked Shizune's last infantry piece off the board, where it alighted in Misha's hair, where a sizable mass-grave of fallen warriors were gathered.

“You should've played too, Misha. Two on one would've made me a pushover.”

“But still, how did...”

“You tried to hustle me, but you didn't think I'd actually take advantage of it, did you? A real player doesn't fool around like that. Once your opponent offers you an opening, even if they're sandbagging, you should take it and never let go.”

“Y-You cheated!”

“Nope, I won fair and square.”

“Where did you learn how to play?”

“One avenue of therapy I explored was to divert energy from my so-called 'addiction' to an even more engrossing activity. On a whim, I joined my school's tabletop gaming club. In terms of rehabilitation, I failed miserably. Gaming geeks are some of the most oversexed people alive. Our warmup games of Risk involved sexual favors being exchanged with the loss of each province. With those sorts of incentives, I actually went on to win a few awards and titles in competitive boardgame playing.”

“You... play table games?”

“You're looking at the National Risk Society's junior division champion. I do role playing too. I'm quite good with my wand of smiting. It's a two-hander... Anyways, I trust you will honor our agreement?”

...

The morning after next ushered in another harmonious day of backwoods tranquility and diligent study to Yamaku. In the most harmonious room of the most harmonious school in Japan, the most harmonious student council gently roused each other out of their sleep.

“N-Not now Hirakun... it's too early,” Misha said to her amorous sleeping partner who was pestering her with playful gropes and pokes as if the night before never ceased.

“Well, okay,” she relented before turning around to appease Hiraku. “You know, you're really terrible Hira- ah.. ah...”

”Shicchan?! Shicchan, wake up!” she said to Shizune's half-asleep eyes between shakes.

”What is it Shiina... Wait, what are we doing in bed together? Did we just...”

”WE'VE BEEN HAD! THAT LITTLE PERVERT SWEET TALKED US INTO-”

"Are you shouting at me?"

"Maybe a little."

”Well quit it. Someone probably heard you by now. We have to go hunt that twirp down. He could'nt have gotten far.”

...

Somewhere on the distant outskirts of town, a schoolboy flew past early morning commuters sleepily trudging off to their jobs. With a burst of speed and hyper-awareness he kept in reserve for jealous boyfriends and wrathful fathers, Hiraku sped off to not the nearest bus stop, but one much further out of the way, where he wouldn't be expected.

“Hey babe, I'm on my way back to school now,” he said into his phone's wired headset once he found a downhill grade where he didn't have to pedal so furiously.

“Did you have a good time?” Mariko asked.

“Yeah, I hooked up with-”

“No, don't tell me.”

“If you don't want me to sleep around, you should tell me.”

“No, it's fine. You put up with my crazy, so it's only fair that I accept yours. Besides, just knowing you'd quit for me if I asked you to is enough.”

“And knowing you wouldn't ask is enough for me...”

“Your 'doctor's' note had you gone until Tuesday. Why are you coming back so early?”

Hiraku glanced down at the soft, cotton souvenirs from his romp in the bicycle's basket. Some were frilly, some were plain, and some even had odd political messages printed on. Then he glanced at the bike itself, which he helped himself to in order to facilitate his exit. It was an expensive carbon-fiber racing rig with electric-blue paint and “HAKAMICHI SHIZUNE” engraved on a nameplate riveted to the cross-brace between the handlebars.

“Eh, it seems that I've overstayed my welcome here.”

-End-

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Parts 8,9 Depression, nymphomania, Shizune!

Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:31 pm
by Mirage_GSM
I must confess, when I read about the suicide, my first thought was about Izzie...
I'm glad you didn't go with your original plan regarding Yasu. Would have been completely unmotivated and illogical. I liked the way you resolved it though. Very fitting.

And Hiraku seems to have suffered a relapse to his polygamist days... Well, he's written by Kosher, so no surprise there.
I'd say Shizune would never be that easy to get, but Kosher would probably die laughing if I did that...

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Parts 8,9 Depression, nymphomania, Shizune!

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 12:08 am
by kosherbacon
I am curious as to why you figured Izumi would be the one to do the deed.

Anyways, as for Shizune being easy... she isn't, he's just that good. :lol: Yeah, I wasn't 100% thrilled about throwing a little bit of character development out of the window, but I had this subplot for an upcoming story planned where Hiraku gets coerced by one of Mariko's alter egos into going through a sexual rampage while everyone's visiting Yamaku, but that was nixed since it added too much clutter to an already very troublesome chapter, so I split it off and made it into a just-Hiraku story. As for his loyalty to Mariko, I'll just handwave it and say she's encouraging him to sleep around and get his rocks off before she reels him in for herself, lol.

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Parts 8,9 Depression, nymphomania, Shizune!

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 12:28 am
by whiteflags
Michi reminds me of Chihiro from ef: a tale of memories.

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Parts 8,9 Depression, nymphomania, Shizune!

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 2:13 am
by kosherbacon
Is Ef worth checking out?

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Parts 8,9 Depression, nymphomania, Shizune!

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 2:46 am
by Mirage_GSM
kosherbacon wrote:I am curious as to why you figured Izumi would be the one to do the deed.
Well, you kinda threatened to kill her off earlier...

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Parts 8,9 Depression, nymphomania, Shizune!

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 9:05 pm
by neumanproductions
Well, when I decide to write about nudity/sex i'll make sure it's mutually shared.
Or just hilarious.

Re: Kyouki Shoujo: Parts 8,9 Depression, nymphomania, Shizune!

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 12:31 am
by whiteflags
kosherbacon wrote:Is Ef worth checking out?
I didn't like it too much. Depending on what you want there is nothing wrong with it. I thought it was not very good at keeping dramatic tension. Serious problems seem to get resolved very conveniently, especially in Chihiro's part. You could check it out to understand the reference I made, but Chihiro remembers nothing after her accident and will only remember stuff after that which she reads about every day. She and Michi seem to share a lot of problems.