Katawa Shoujo Forums

Member22 wrote:

Extremist_Line wrote:I'm glad ya'll seem to like my character.... Shizune being the one Luke ends up with

That's also OK... I don't mind Luke ending up with her... but don't you think they might not be compatible? i.e Luke hates bullies and ppl who force others to do their bidding (which is exactly what she does)... I don't know... maybe a truce would help them out? Maybe she would become slightly more approachable/human after recollecting and reflecting on her mistakes after Luke scolding her? I really would like to see how this plays out... the plots thickening now, and I like it!

To be honest, I haven't entirely worked out the plot for the re-do with Shizune. yet. I mostly think on-and-off for a few days, and when I sit down to write it, I make up most of the plot as I go along. I did that for this story, I only had a few major plot points set in stone when I started, and just filled in the gaps as I went. Shizune's version will likely be the same way.

As for whether or not her and Luke are compatible...well, I guess I didn't give it too much thought. The bullying thing, well I think I'm going to have him really get onto her about that. After having the cold, forceful personality peeled away, I'm sure you can find that Shizune is a nice girl.

EDIT: Oh, forgot to mention, it will be a while before I work on the re-telling though. As I mentioned before, I'm going to be working on several one-shot episodes to fill in some gaps the original story left. I hope to get at least two, maybe three done by the end of this week, then I plan to start on the re-telling. I mostly only write during the weekends, so it might be a while.

Extremist_Line wrote:I mostly only write during the weekends, so it might be a while.

No problem... I, like the other readers here, would be waiting patiently... so take your time.

BTW, I do agree with you about her... once you get through the facade she has, you'll find that down-to-earth girl (like in her Act 1 ending).

these are getting interesting, keep them up

And here's chapter 7. This is probably my favorite one, although the next two are pretty close too.
Hope you enjoy it.

**************************************************************
Chapter 7: K/D Ratio

Today was just as boring as the last. Lily had to meet with the librarian during lunch, so me and Hanako ate by ourselves in the tea room. I liked it that way. Lily is nice, but…well, could you hold it against me for just wanting to be alone with Hanako?

“A-are we still going to play again tonight?”

“We have a score to settle Miss Ikezawa, and I’m not one to back down from a challenge!”

She giggled “I won’t h-hold back this time!”

“I’m sure you won’t.”

I pretty much got lost in thought through the rest of the day. The final bell finally rang and me and Hanako went to leave. However, we were stopped on our way out by some familiar faces.

“Again? Come on guys, can’t you just leave us alone?”

“…Actually, Sicchan and I wanted to say that we’re sorry for how we acted yesterday. Really sorry. I don’t know what came over us. Can you please forgive us?”

“Hmmm, well I do, but I think the more important question is whether Hanako forgives you.” She stepped out beside me.

“I…I forgive you.”

“…”

“Thanks. Friends?”

“Friends.”

They all smiled. I couldn’t help but smile too.

“Alright, have fun!” Misha said as she winked at me. Don’t get any ideas Misha.

“C-come on Luke, we’ve got a s-score to settle!” She said as she dragged me out the door.

Damn, she’s eager.

************************************
A few minutes later…

To be perfectly honest, I let my guard down when it came to our little re-match. I really underestimated her, she's a quick learner.

“Hahaha! I won!”

“Yeah yeah, savor that victory. I wasn’t too far behind you ya know.”

“But y-you still lost! Ha!” Man, if I tried to tell someone she was this playful and competitive when you got to know her, they wouldn’t believe me.

Even though I’ve been getting my ass kicked the past few days, I’ve loved every minute of it.

“Wanna take a break from the games for a while? I’ve got some movies we can watch.”

“Ok, that sounds fine. What k-kind of movies do you have.”

“Good movies, bad movies, or movies that are so bad they’re funny.”

“That last one sounds like fun.”

And so, me and Hanako spent the next several hours watching hilariously bad movies. They were all Uwe Boll movies. Since they were mostly ‘horror films’, we partook in one of my favorite pastimes during horror films: placing bets on which characters would die and when. We didn’t actually bet anything, but it was still fun.

I dunno when it happened, but at some point while we were watching she leaned up against me and just stayed like that. I didn’t mind it, and she didn’t appear to either.

About half-way through our third movie, she passed out, still leaning on my shoulder. I decided to finish the movie before I woke her up. Eventually that time came.

“Hey, Hanako? Yoooo, Hanako?”

“Mmm, can we stay like this just a little longer? P-please?”

“Remember what I said yesterday about having a girl in my room?”

“Aw, i-is it already that time?”

“I’m afraid so. Sorry.”

“…I’m not going back.”

“Woah, wait, what?”

“I-I want to stay here tonight. With you.” She was red. My face began to feel hot too.

“Uh, I don’t think you’re allowed to do that…”

“I-I don’t care. I want to stay here, a-and you’re not going to make me leave…”

I sighed. “Ok, but only because you’re my friend. I think I have some spare blankets in my closet…” I got up to go get them, but she grabbed my arm.

“I-it’s alright, you don’t need t-those…”

“But, what am I supposed to sleep on?”

“Your bed, what e-else?”

“But, where are you gonna….” Then it hit me. “Oh, Hanako…”

“W-what? We’re just friends, right?”

“Well, yeah, but…”

“Don’t boys s-sleep together if they’re friends all the time? I-I know that girls do. So what’s the p-problem if it’s a boy and a girl?” Good God, my heart was absolutely racing. I haven’t even kissed a girl, much less slept in the same bed as one. We were both extremely red. She had a convincing argument though…

“…Ok, but what if someone finds out? Even if we are just friends, no one is going to have that innocent of an assumption if they find out…”

“Well, your d-door is locked isn’t it? And tomorrow i-is Sunday, so we can j-just wait until later in the day, when most o-of the boys are out of the dorm, and I-I can leave then.”

“Oh, alright then. I’ll just have to warn you that I take a while to get comfortable.”

“T-that’s fine…”

“Ok then.” I took all of my medicine, then stepped outside as she changed into some of my pajamas. Thankfully no one was wandering the halls. After she finished, I had to change too. I had to move the closet door in front of me and make Hanako promise not to look as I changed. After I finished, I took off my glasses and slid in near her.

“Mmm, your bed is soft Luke…”

“Yeah, I have a lot of people tell me that.” She gave me a look. “Er, not like that. Don’t get any ideas.”

She giggled. “…Thanks for letting me do this.”

“It’s no problem.” I made sure to turn off my alarm.

I shut off the light. Man, this school kicks ass. I’ve only been here a week and I’ve got a girl sleeping with me, even if she is just a friend.

Life is good.

I take a while to get to sleep. Normally this annoys me, but it worked in my favor tonight.

As I was laying there, I felt Hanako shift a little, then a little more, finally a felt a major shift and her gently inching her way towards me. Eventually she got close enough that our bodies were touching. She laid her arm across my chest and pulled herself close, as well as laid her head on my shoulder.

…Gulp…here goes…

I brought up my arm around her. As soon as I touched her, she jumped and scooted back.

“Wah! Luke! I-I thought y-you were…”

“Shhhhh.” I muttered. “You might wake up someone.” Thump, thump, thump. Shut the hell up heart…

She stayed quiet for a second. “C-can I?”

“Go ahead.” She brought herself back into the position she was originally in. I brought my arm around her. She didn’t jump this time. I felt her breathe a sigh of contentment into my shirt.

Can it really get any better than this?

************************************************
The next morning…

I eased into consciousness as I heard a bird chirping outside my window. I slowly opened my eyes and stretched. Then I remembered the presence that was laid up on me. I looked down at her. She looked so contented, so peaceful. I still had my arm around her, so I started the run my fingers through her hair. She didn’t even stir. After a bit, I brushed aside the hair covering her scars and looked at them. They were definitely burn scars. Third degree, just on the border of being ‘fourth degree’, which is the point where the skin is completely charred white and peeling away. Her’s were scaly and red. She looks like she’s had them for a while. I’m really curious as to how she got them, but I don’t really think she’d like me to bring it up, the same way I wouldn’t want to tell her about why I’m here.

Although, to be perfectly honest, I would tell her if she asked…

We stayed there for a while. I don’t know how long it was, it seemed to last an eternity. Eventually though, she started to stir and wake up. She stretched out and looked up at me.

“Good morning, did you sleep well?”

“Mmm, very. Thanks so m-much.”

“Anytime.” I looked toward the window “Want to get up?”

“What time is it?”

I checked my watch. “Almost nine-thirty.”

“Let’s stay just a little longer, p-please?” She said as she fiddled around with my necklace.

“Heh, ok.”

I don’t know whether we stayed like that for five minutes of five hours, but eventually she sat up, as did I.

“Hey Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking l-last night about something, and it’s been bugging me ever since I-I saw you.”

“What is it?”

“U-um…why are you here? At this school? You look perfectly normal, act perfectly normal, a-and you can all the way f-from America…”

I froze. “I-I mean, if you don’t want to tell me, that’s ok, I-I’m just a little curious…”

“N...no, it’s alright. Hanako, I just want you to promise me one thing.”

“What is it?”

“That, even after I tell you all this, that you will promise that you will still be my friend, and that you will treat me exactly the same as you have been.”

She held my hand. “I promise.”

“Ok…” I took a deep breath.

Damn, this is gonna suck…
*************************************************************************
In case any of you are getting any ideas, no, they didn't have sex.

Luke is cool.

And this story just continues to get more and more interesting.
Can't wait for the next chapter.

Also, I thought Luke would have had one of his episodes during the night. That would have really sperked the conversation. But I guess he was at complete peace of mind, I would be.

neumanproductions wrote: Also, I thought Luke would have had one of his episodes during the night. That would have really sperked the conversation. But I guess he was at complete peace of mind, I would be.

*slaps forehead* Holy crap, I totally forgot about his little episodes. Yeah, that would have been interesting...damn it.

Let's just say he was so happy and contented that he didn't have an episode.

But, you might have just given me fuel for either a one-shot or future story...

You know, his midnight episodes are based on ones that actually happen to me. I sometimes wake up and randomly scream in the middle of the night, even if I can't recall having a nightmare. I also frequently hallucinate things, usually things crawling all over me in bed. I remember in particular that I had one at camp one year, where I randomly started desperately feeling around, then one of my cabin-mates said I started freaking out, when they asked what was wrong I said something along the lines of "Dude, DUDE, I CAN'T FIND THE FLASHLIGHT! WE'RE SCREWED!!" Then I fell back asleep.

Again, looking forward to the next chapters, I am hooked to this story.

Extremist_Line wrote:

neumanproductions wrote: Also, I thought Luke would have had one of his episodes during the night. That would have really sperked the conversation. But I guess he was at complete peace of mind, I would be.

*slaps forehead* Holy crap, I totally forgot about his little episodes. Yeah, that would have been interesting...damn it.

Let's just say he was so happy and contented that he didn't have an episode.

But, you might have just given me fuel for either a one-shot or future story...

Perhaps he could have one when Shizzy sleeps over?

dude this is really good, i'm enjoying reading this

i wish i could make storys like this.

Hmmm, I dunno about you guys, but I hate being left with cliff-hangers, and I bet you do too, so here's chapter 8.
This is it. This is why Luke is at Yamaku.
I in no way mean any kind of offense to the victims of Columbine. Luke's opinion is not my own. Those two kids were psychos.

******************************************************************
Chapter 8: Painful History

“I…I lived a normal school life for several years at first. I was a little different than I am now. Happier, more outgoing, I even had a lot of friends. I had a lot of fun, sure I slacked off a little, but everything was nice for most of Elementary School…

Until, one day…he transferred in.

Heh, he was a little prick. Always picked on me, especially for my love of video games. I also was…a little pudgy at the time, that was a target of him too. I remember one day, I was sitting there playing my Gameboy with my headphones on. The little bastard came over, picked the earphones right up off my head, and snapped them in two. I didn’t really have the strength to fight back, and the teachers didn’t give two shits about what was happening. Ever seen a cartoon or TV or something where there’s an obviously evil little kid but the parents or teachers don’t notice it for some ungodly reason? I was living that.

It might not have been so bad if it wasn’t just him. But, before I knew it, he wasn’t the only one anymore. Soon, people that I had just before called my friends, turned on me. Stabbed me in the back. Soon it went from simple verbal abuse to where they were actually beating the shit out of me every now and then for the hell of it. They started stealing stuff from me too, money, games, you name it. Eventually, the entire fucking class was against me. The girls even got in on it too, spreading rumors and the like. I isolated myself from everyone. I sat in the back of the room in every class, I always ate by myself, and I spent most of the time in recess in a secluded corner of the playground. My grades started dropping, so my parents started beating me. It never stopped. Year, after year, after year, after fucking year, it never stopped. Ruined the rest of Elementary School and the beginning of Middle School.

Then, one day, I’d had enough.

Have you ever heard of Columbine? It was a High School in America. In 1999, two shooters killed 13 people, wounded an additional 24, and finally killed themselves. Their names were Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. They became my heroes. They were the symbol of what students could do when pushed to the brink. They were the face of people like me. Some people claim that violent video games or music or shit like that caused them to go on a rampage. They were bullied, like me. People didn’t want to admit that though, that their faculty had failed to keep a lookout on their students. They wanted to shift the blame away from themselves. Fucking assholes.

I’d show them. I’d show them all.

I…I took one of my dad’s pistols that he kept for home defense. Stole it from right under his nose and put it in my backpack. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I considered going on a rampage like my Heroes had done, but instead of simply killing myself when the cops showed up, I’d fight them too. Suicide by cop. I also considered simply walking into school and shooting myself. Well, whatever I was planning to do, I had the gun, I was gonna decide when I got there.

I never got to find out what I would decide to do. Me, not thinking clearly, happened to grab my dad’s favorite pistol. The one he loved to clean and mess with all the time. Went looking for it and couldn’t find it. Asked me if I had seen it, I told him I hadn’t. Well, they decided to check my backpack anyways, and they found it. Freaked the hell out. Started screaming that they hadn’t raised me right, that I was fucked up in the head, stuff like that. Pulled me right out of school and sent me to a mental institution.

A fucking institution. At 13 years old.

Despite my age, I was treated like dirt. No, dirt can sometimes be useful. I was treated like shit. Only thing shit’s good for is to put it out on the grass to fertilize it. Human bodies are good fertilizer too, or so I heard. Anyways, they treated me like a dangerous criminal, like at any moment I could snap and try to make a shiv from one of my own teeth. When I so much as complained it was a bit hot or cold, they thought I might try to hang myself and put me in solitary. Do you know what it’s like to be in solitary? Cushy walls so you don’t kill yourself, no windows or cracks of any kind so they couldn’t hear your yelling or insane ramblings. I didn’t ramble, I just screamed. I screamed for death, screamed to go back to a normal life. I lost a lot of weight.

I eventually had to start playing nice guy, maybe they had a good behavior thing like prisons do. I guess they did, I got let out eventually. I don’t know whether I was in there for a few weeks or a few months, but I got out. The sun…it felt great.

I went back to school not too long after being discharged. Did I get treated any better? Nope, just different. Instead of picking on the fat, loser gamer kid, they shunned the ‘freak’, the ‘psycho’. I tried to be nice, but they wouldn’t have any of it. People stayed away from me, hell even the bullies didn’t mess with me. They messed with a few of the other kids though. Some of the new kids.

I got sick of that too, so I worked out, got stronger, got more aggressive. I started beating the shit out of those bullies. Got in trouble a lot as well. And what did I get out of it? Some detentions, a few Saturday Schools, maybe a suspension here and there, and that’s it. The kids I helped never thanked me, a lot of them ran from me. Didn’t want to get killed by the freak. I began to re-consider suicide.

But, one faithful day, my parents decided 'You know, maybe a normal school isn’t for our boy. Let’s send him somewhere we can be sure he’ll be safe. We can’t send him to a reform school because he’d get into fights there too. How about a special needs school? They won’t question why he’s there, he’ll be completely anonymous.' Well, they found Yamaku eventually, and why not send him there? He’s always wanted to go to Japan, plus the American educational system is a piece of crap. So, here I am. Abridged version: I’m here because I snapped and almost shot up my school.”

I looked up. She had covered her doubtlessly wide open mouth with her hands and was staring straight at me.

Sigh.

”I knew it. You too huh? You think I’m a freak too. Go ahead, say it. Say I’m a freak, say I’m a psyc-“

But I was interrupted by her wrapping me in a hug.

You ever see an anime or game or something where a guy is letting off a lot of steam, he’s really pissed off or upset, and then all of a sudden, someone gives him a ‘cooldown hug’? That’s what I just got. They work pretty well.

“No Luke. You’re not a freak. You’re not a psycho. You’re a regular human being who’s had a lot of things happen to him.” She was hugging me pretty tight…

“H-hankao…” I wrapped my arms around her as well.

“And…I know how you feel.”

I broke the hug “Huh?”

“…I was bullied a lot too.

After my house burned down, I was left with these scars. A horrible memory of the worst tragedy of my life. My dad…h-he died in the fire. People at school…they didn’t care. They just loved making fun of me. T-there was even one time where they…almost raped me. I isolated myself from my class too. I...I almost...killed myself too. My mom decided to do something about it and sent me here…” She started to tear up and sniffle “I…I miss m-my dad…I miss him s-so much…” She started flat out crying.

If you had seen this girl cry, it would have broken your heart. I couldn’t stand to see her like this. I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, returning the favor she had done me. She cried into my shoulder.

“Hanako, come on now, don’t cry. I’m sure your dad is out there somewhere, watching you. I don’t think he’d want to see his beautiful daughter crying like this, it might break his heart.”

She slowly stopped crying and looked up at me.

“Y-you think so?”

I reached down and brushed her hair that was covering the scars away.

“I know so. And I can tell you, he’s proud of what you became.”

She smiled “Thanks Luke. Y-you don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that…”

We just stared into each other’s eyes for a long time. Have I mentioned how beautiful they are? Well, I’m going to mention it again: her eyes are freaking beautiful.

"...Luke, there's s-something I want to tell you."

"What is it Hanako?"

"...I love you."

"Hanako...I love you too."

This is just like some kind of sappy romance story or movie. But you know, it’s not so sappy when you’re actually a part of it.

She started gently leading towards me. I started to lean in too. Before I knew it, our lips were touching. As soon as they did, I instinctively wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her tight. She wrapped her arms around my neck. I was experiencing my first kiss. It wasn’t one of those sensual make-outs either, it was a long, emotional kiss.

And by God, it was awesome.

After...what felt like forever, we finally broke apart, but still held on to each other.

“Hey Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“A-are we…a couple now?”

“I don’t know why you’re asking me, I’ve never dated anyone. Do you think we are?”

“Y-yes…”

“Then we’re in agreement, so I’d say yes.”

We smiled at each other.

“Hey, did you h-have anything planned for Golden Week?”

Golden Week? Oh! That’s right! The next several days are Golden Week! I had almost forgot!

“We get the whole week off from school, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Well, no, I didn’t really have anything planned, why?”

“Well…I was planning on going to visit my mother, and…I wanted to k-know if you’d like to come…”

A family visit huh? Aren’t you supposed to wait until you’ve been a couple for a while before you do that?

Ah, whatever, there's nothing I'd rather do during my week off.

“Of course, I’d love to come.”

“Thank you so much Luke! Not just for that, but…for everything.”

Another hug.

You know what, I take it all back.

I’m glad I snapped, I’m glad I went to an institution, I’m glad I fought, I’m glad I’m here now.

Know why?

If all of that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met Hanako.

And to me, that makes all of my previous pain and suffering completely worth it.

***************************************************************************************
This chapter is the one I had to edit the most after pulling it back out. Why? I realized that I had totally forgotten to have either Hanako or Luke say during the entire story "I love you". I also added more detail to the kissing scene.

The end is in sight.
Or is it?

Despite my age, I was treated like dirt. No, dirt can sometimes be useful. I was treated like shit. Only thing shit’s good for is to put it out on the grass to fertilize it. Human bodies are good fertilizer too, or so I heard. Anyways, they treated me like a dangerous criminal, like at any moment I could snap and try to make a shiv from one of my own teeth. When I so much as complained it was a bit hot or cold, they thought I might try to hang myself and put me in solitary. Do you know what it’s like to be in solitary? Cushy walls so you don’t kill yourself, no windows or cracks of any kind so they couldn’t hear your yelling or insane ramblings. I didn’t ramble, I just screamed. I screamed for death, screamed to go back to a normal life. I lost a lot of weight.

This paragraph still gives me the chills.

Wow! Very good chapter 8! Send chills down my spine. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Awesome chapter Extremist_line! Well done, I wonder what will happen next? Keep the chapters rolling in!

This story reminds me of the post I made in KosherBacon's writefaggotry section.

neumanproductions wrote:Relating to the latest of your works Kosher, I enjoyed the way you portrayed Rin's attitude in this case; especially when talking about Iwanako's situation how it is in no way Hisao's fault and how you need to look at the positive thing that have happened; like her. It's like I always say, and probably a great deal of people, "Every cloud has a silver lining".
To put it in more my terms it would be a variation of a favorite, "When one door closes a better one can always be opened, you just need to know how to find the key".

I think that applied directly with how you have portrayed Luke's experiences and how he can seen them as something positive.
Anyways, loved the chapter and I'm glad your not afraid to talk about such events as Columbine in relating to your characters history.