(Where's the Walkthrough?)
https://ks.fhs.sh/
Peorth wrote: Tue Nov 26, 2024 11:28 pmI believe a given name is one's first name, you're thinking of surnames/family names.
You are correct. Fixed it (I fixed it back when you commented. I just usually wait to reply so I can respond in batches, if need be).
It's not often I am going to do this here before the start of a post, but for chapters like this I'll make an exception. This is a content warning for a heavy topic. If you want to go into this chapter blind, ignore this and proceed. Otherwise, for those that may be sensitive to certain topics and wishes to be knowledgeable of them before going in, this will be here for your sake. A portion of this chapter covers the topic of a miscarriage. Specifically, one that happens in the distant past. A character discusses how it affected them and their family, alongside detailing the series of events that took place before, during, and after the miscarriage. If you are not in the right headspace to deal with that topic, I recommend coming back at a later date. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!
Scene 5: Unwelcome Reflections and the Girl Left on her Own
Chapter 3: Dinner and a Late Night Talk
After the table is set, Mom takes a seat and I transfer myself onto the dining chair.
“Emi, I know we’ve already talked about it but you really don’t have to sit at the table for my sake.”
I pull a second chair closer and prop my left leg on it. “Then you already know what my response is.”
“Seriously though! I’m fine with you taking it to your room or we could even get a shorter table or-”
“Mom. Let’s eat.”
“If you say so.”
I know she means well, but it’s exhausting all the same. “Thanks for the food!” On my plate is a glorious yellow hill made of eggs, topped with ketchup. The enticing aroma of cooked veggies, meat, and seasonings cause my mouth to water. It teases me with its outer shell hiding what really matters.
What really matters.
What was it that I told myself last week? There’s no perfect time for these talks.
I pierce the meal with my spoon, releasing the steam building up inside. Its wonderful scents intensify as its contents bleed onto the plate. It looks sooooo good! Apparently I am really hungry, so I should get a few bites in before starting.
Mom waits until I start eating to take her first bite as always. After a few enthusiastic mouthfuls, she clears her mouth. “How is your leg feeling today?”
Well, this’ll help steel my nerves. “Better. It only hurts when I put weight directly onto it now. I can even sit at my desk chair without getting uncomfortable.” It’s not always the first question she asks at dinner, but my legs usually come up pretty early in the conversation, especially this past week. I don’t like talking about it too long cause Mom always looks like she wants to talk about what it means for me in the ‘future,’ but most of the time she holds her tongue.
“That’s good. If nothing changes you’ll be starting physical therapy soon, right?”
I nod. Shige said progress was looking good, though he probably says that to everyone.
“You might even be able to get back on the track soon, which would be good for your head, especially with exams coming up.” Aaaand here we go. “I know you do better on your tests when you can run and these ones are the most important ones you’ll ever be taking.”
I take another bite of eggs and veggies before I respond to make sure my thoughts are in order. “I know, Mom. I’m the one actually in school and taking these tests, not you. Dinner is really good, and you managed to keep it together this time! How did you manage that?”
She smiles warmly, and for a moment I think my lame attempt succeeded. “Thank you! Lots of practice, dedication, and focus. Which, incidentally, is what will help you with your coming tests. Have you thought about where you’re going after you graduate?”
“A little…” I mutter, pushing food around my plate.
“Emi…”
“I have the college brochures in my room!”
“And have you read them?”
“Not entirely…”
“You’re getting really close to entrance exams. I’m not saying you need to decide what your whole life looks like now,” you kind of are though! “-but you should be setting yourself up to succeed in whatever path you choose.”
Whatever path…
“I’ll try thinking about it more starting tomorrow.”
“You know Emi, today is yesterday’s tomorrow and-”
“Tomorrow will soon be today. I know, I know. I'll get there, I've just… been distracted.” I hate using the crash as an excuse, but I really don’t want to keep talking about this right now.
She knows what will happen if she keeps pushing, so she turns back to her own food. Usually she’s very chatty during dinner, but today the only real topics on our minds are the ones I’m not talking to her about.
No perfect time.
“I think-” I catch Mom’s eyes. No turning back. “I think Hisao is hiding something from me.”
She swallows, then sets her spoon down beside her plate carefully. “Why do you say that?” she asks, looking at me with grave attention.
“I don’t know and that’s why it’s bothering me so much!” I groan and bury my face into my hands. “But that’s part of the issue and it’s like - ever since he woke up in the hospital there’s been something different about him and at first I thought itwasbecauseIwasn’ttalkingtohimaboutmylegbutthenwedidtalkandthefeelingdidn’tgoawayandthenLillyaandAkirasaidtheynoticedsomethingwasoffaswellandthen-”
“Woah Emi.” She places a hand on my shoulder and I look at her. “Slow down. My old ears can’t keep up.” Mom smiles at me and, in spite of myself, I settle into my chair, nervous energy receding slightly.
She’s here for me, as much as she can be and as much as I let her. But - “You’re not old, Mom.” I retort.
“Maybe, maybe not.” She shrugs. “Either way, I didn’t catch whatever you said; want to try again from the beginning?”
I sigh, then take a deep breath and start telling her about everything I’ve noticed since he first woke up after the crash. I talk about how he was pulling a lot of the same tricks I used to - or I guess still sometimes pull. Everything from faking being okay to hiding some sort of pain, to just acting too normal. How some of it went away after our lunch in the park, but not all of it. How when Lilly and Akira mentioned something seemed off about him in the hospital I waved it off as being related to my whole leg situation, until what happened as we were driving away
“He was just acting really weird.” I conclude, hugging myself, food forgotten.
“Weird how?”
“When we were getting in the car he just went… silent. He seemed to be lost in thought, but in a far more serious than usual for him sort of way. After we drove away I looked back and he looked… scared, I think.”
“You think?”
“We were already far away. But he was pale and wasn’t moving.”
Mom goes a little pale herself and her hand twitches towards her pocket. “You… don’t think it was his heart do you?”
Realizing what she’s thinking, I quickly respond, “No, no, no- I’m pretty sure he’d say something was wrong if it was his heart. And if not then I’d have to kill him myself for being so dumb.” I don’t think calling Shige would do anything anyway, seeing as it was hours ago and he’s half-way across the country by now. Sorry Mom, didn’t mean to worry you that much.
She lets out a shallow breath and calms down a little. Just how worried was she? “He hasn’t mentioned anything?”
“Not a peep. He mostly talked about his past on our picnic date. The incident that brought him to Yamaku and all that. He didn’t really really talk about anything recent. Has Shige said anything?”
She opens her mouth to respond, but something stops her. Then she scrunches her eyebrows. Does she know something?
“Mom, I know that look. You two have been talking, so what did he say?”
She sighs and thinks for a minute. “Well, truth is he was going to ask Hisao to help keep an eye on you.” He was doing what? Right after a crash! Hisao is recovering from his own injuries. He doesn’t need to worry about me too! Mom senses my rising frustration and tries to calm the storm. “He was worried about you, Emi.”
“He’s the Head Nurse! He should be worried about his patients.”
“Like you.”
“And like Hisao! I know he cares about me, but he shouldn’t prioritize me over-”
“Emi,” she says sternly. “You might not see it, but Shige cares about everyone he’s responsible for. If he didn’t believe Hisao wasn’t up to the task, he would not have asked him to keep an eye on you. You know that Hisao’s condition is more serious than yours – don’t you think Shige does too?”
She has a point. I need to simmer down. The phone call with Hisao earlier did a number on me. “Have you talked to Shige tonight then? Maybe Hisao went to see him before leaving.”
“He hasn’t called, no. So either Hisao didn’t go to him if something did happen or…”
“Or Hisao asked him not to squeal.” I slump in the chair again. “I taught him too well then.”
“Not well enough if it only took us a week to realize something was wrong, and only a few days for Shige.”
I give her as much of a smile as I can.
“Hisao will come around, Emi, just give him some time.”
“I just…”
“Don't like being kept in the dark?” Mom certainly knows how to punch below the belt. Just from talking to me, she worked out what I was doing to Hisao long before he came over for that fateful first dinner. She’s seen me do it before after all. The only difference this time was Hisao and I were able to work through it, eventually.
“I guess you get what you give.”
Mom shakes her head. “He’s just dealing with a lot, dear. Be patient with him, like he was for you.” Easy for you to say. “Now come on, dinner’s getting cold.” I look down at the half-eaten dish below me. The juices from everything have seeped out slowly while we were talking, gathering on the bottom in one yellowish mass.
Everything on the plate is soggy from sitting in the pooled liquids – left to fester for too long. I’m still hungry, so I dig into the rapidly congealing mess and hope I can salvage something from it.
~ ~ ~
After dinner I let myself get engrossed in my manga again and the world fades away, just as it did when I was stuck in the hospital bed years ago. As I intensified my efforts at physio, I spent less and less time on manga but it retains a special place in my heart. When I finish my current issue, I dig up volume one of the pirate manga - One Piece - and dive in. I kept buying them even after I got back on my feet and stopped reading as frequently, which means I’ve got a huge backlog. I’m kind of looking forward to getting though all of them.
My reading is finally interrupted when my phone buzzes on the desk. I roll over and stretch to reach it from my nest of pillows and blankets. There’s a message from Hisao asking if I’m awake. I mean, yeah? Then I glance at the time and see that it’s past midnight already. I decide to tell him I couldn't sleep. I’m not ready yet to admit I was so engrossed in manga that I lost track of time.
My dignity preserved – and unimportant secret kept – he asks if I can call him. I warn him that with Mom in bed I’ll have to be quiet, but it should be fine.
“Hey, Emi!” His voice is a lot more energetic than it’s been since… well since before the crash. It’s like I’m hearing a different person than I have been the past few days. Someone who’s not hiding anything.
Aaaand there she is again. Ms. Intrusive Thoughts came back recently and I have not been able to shut her up since. Who re-invited her to the brain council? It’s not like her commentary is helpful – I’m already thinking it!
“Hey, Hisao.” Staying quiet has the passive benefit of letting me sound neutral. “So, did your friends make you walk the plank?”
“What?”
“Sorry - been on a pirate binge again.”
“Uh-huh. So you were serious about that then?” Hisao’s almost able to hide his snickering. Meanwhile, it’s like there’s a fire threatening to burst and explode somewhere deep inside me, and it burns just a little hotter. How can he act so… normal?
I tighten my jaw and force a smile. “Oh totally; sail the four seas and all that. What else would I do?”
“Don’t you mean the seven seas?”
“Sure, we can go with that.”
“Okay?” He pauses for a moment and the genuine confusion in his voice makes me giggle – enough to calm down a tiny bit. “...But you don’t even have an eyepatch! Most pirates are missing an eye or have a gnarly scar on their face.”
“Where’d you get that idea from?”
“It’s like- common knowledge really.”
“Mmm-hmm. So what about that American movie you said we need to watch? That guy look pretty unscarred to me.”
“Ehh, he has a cool outfit and facial hair so it’s fine.”
“Well in that case I’ll ask the next car crash to take my eye or give me a cool beard. One or the other.”
He fakes a laugh and goes silent. I guess he’s still not ready for the darker jokes to come back just yet. Is he worried that I’m not ready for them? The only ones that’d bug me are ones either related to Dad or my running. Guess the connection’s pretty obvious. He should know that by now.
“So… about that talk – with your friends.” I try to steer the conversation back on course.
“Right.” It worked. “Well, truth is it went both better and worse than expected… hmm…” Hisao pauses and I look longingly at my abandoned manga.
Now’s not the time to retreat though. I urge him on, “Both better and worse. That makes sense.” I don’t have all night here.
“I’m getting there, slow your roll- I mean, uhh-” Why’s he- oh. Roll. Actually that’s kind of funny, but he’s making such a big fuss about it I almost want to scream instead of laugh. “...Well, I walked out of the house to meet them and tried to apologize but that pissed Mai off.”
“Were you at least trying to be sincere?” Woah, where did that come from? You’ll give away the whole show if you keep that up, girl.
“Hey now!” Lucky for me, Hisao’s in a good mood and takes my growing frustrations as a friendly jab, giving me a chance to try and calm down. “I was plenty sincere but that wasn’t the issue. I tried apologizing for what I had done, but she felt that it was their fault. Her fault.”
“Didn’t you say you were like- super miserable to be around back then?”
“Yes! That’s exactly what I said. Shin agrees too, but she got all mad about it and we-... sorta got into a bit of an argument.”
“An argument?” I say it louder than I meant to and listen tensely to see if I woke Mom. I’m safe. “How much of an argument?”
He hesitates just long enough to make me wonder if he’s about to lie again. “Things errr… got a little heated and we wound up shouting at one point.”
“What were you thinking? That’s not good for you!” I can think of at least three things that he could’ve made worse by doing that and I’m not even trying.
“Yeah, I learned that the hard way. Sorry. I just got caught up in the heat of the moment.” He pauses, and when I don’t respond he’s quick to elaborate. “Nothing serious happened, I swear! It hurt, but that was the worst of it.”
“So you’re okay then?”
“-Yeah. I’m fine.” His words got caught in his throat for a moment. That used to happen to me a lot when I thought someone mentioned something I didn’t want to talk about, but was still on my mind a lot. He’s hiding an unprompted lie behind a present truth. Which means there’s something about the wording of that question that bothers him.
I respond to the truth. “So you had a shouting match with this old friend. I’m assuming that was how it went worse than expected?”
“Yeah. After we calmed down and I recovered, we went for a walk to the old park we used to hang out at to talk. Things were still tense, but I think I might actually be able to save our friendship after all.”
“So that’s how it went better?”
“Well- I guess so, but something else happened. Mai texted Iwanako to meet us there.”
“Your ex?”
“I’m not sure we ever even dated really, but yeah. She’s the girl that confessed to me.”
“Damn. A clandestine meeting with your ‘old crush’ in the middle of the night while your girlfriend can’t do a thing about it… How scandalous.”
“It’s not like that!”
I laugh a little too loudly. “You’re too easy, Hisao. So, what happened?” It seems I finally got a handle on my temper from earlier.
He sighs. “We talked. It’s weird. Before she confessed – before everything that happened – we barely talked, just the two of us. Last night we talked like we’d been friends for years, which we haven’t. Tonight’s been really strange.”
“Sounds like it. So you guys just talked? A normal, mundane conversation in the middle of the night after not seeing each other for months and… you talked?”
“I guess that’s not the whole truth. We did have a… heated? argument – but not like the one with Mai earlier, just very emotionally charged. In the end I think we resolved a lot of whatever leftover tension there was between us. Two new friends picking up the broken pieces of our past and making something new.”
“She sounds like an interesting person.”
“Would you like to meet her?”
I was so lost in the flow of a normal conversation that I almost instinctively respond ‘sure’ until my brain catches up. “What?”
I can practically see him scratch the back of his neck as he hesitates to respond. “I sort of decided I wanted to introduce you to all my… friends… and invited Iwanako to meet you.” Guess he’s still unsure how to feel about the whole thing. “Sorry, I should’ve talked to you first. I was just so caught up-”
“Okay then, sure!”
“Wait- really?”
“Yeah. I’m interested to meet this mystery girl anyways. See how I stack up compared to my predecessor.”
“I don’t think there’s a good response for that so I’m going with ‘glad you want to meet my old friends’.”
I laugh again but am able to control my volume this time. I’m lucky Mom hasn’t woken up after all this. “Good answer. So I’ll be meeting everyone then? You said there was Iwanako, Mai, Shin, and…”
“Takuya. I actually haven’t talked to the other three about it yet, and I haven’t even talked to Takuya.” His voice lowers. “I guess I don’t know how they might feel about it.”
“Looks like you’ve~ got more apologies to make then.”
“Looks like it.”
It wouldn’t work if someone tried it this way with me, but I’ll give it a shot still. “So how you holding up?”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah, my ribs are still a pain in the ass. I basically can’t laugh without my chest feeling like it’s caving in on itself. Then there’s the fact-” No, Hisao, I mean how are you holding up. “…gotta take it easy for a bit I guess.”
Like a rushing wall of water, my sour mood from earlier comes back all at once – washing away all of the progress I thought we were making.
I open my mouth to repeat the question, but bite my tongue instead. Why don’t I just ask him directly? What’s stopping me? I hear him take a breath like he’s going to say something else afterwards, and then stop himself as well. Probably going to ask me the same question with regards to my legs, but we’ve already talked about not talking about that for now.
He’s either avoiding talking about ‘it’, or doesn’t even know it needs to be talked about – whatever it is. I don’t know which is worse. Why can’t I confront him either?
“You okay Emi?”
“What? Yeah.”
“You were just being quiet.”
“It’s a little late.” Another lie. I wonder if he’s catching on to this yet, like last week.
“Huh, I guess it is. Sorry about that, didn’t mean to keep you up.”
“Ah~ I couldn’t sleep anyways. When do you think we’d be meeting?” Hisao, to my relief, says that Iwanako suggested one of the three day weekends scheduled for the end of next month. That’s a relief because it will give me plenty of time to get used to walking on crutches after I’m out of this damned wheelchair.
It all depends on what my prosthetist has in mind and I hope like hell he decides that my good leg hasn’t changed too much to use the old set. We should know any day now. I don’t like that my legs won’t be nearly as synced by the end of this, but running’s out of the question for a few months anyways so I’d rather have the mobility now rather than slightly more consistent running later. Remember the last challenge I gave you, world? I’m not slowing down this time either. Emi Ibarazaki can’t – won’t be stopped!
Then Hisao goes into details about the rest of his day, eventually sharing a story about how his mom confessed to his dad first. Apparently, I reminded his mother of herself when he told them about how we started dating. Maybe the males in the Nakai family just have a thing for confident beauties like us, because I could definitely see Mrs. Nakai being a catch in the past. She looks about Mom’s age, but the years haven’t been as kind to her.
Hisao’s almost unable to speak as his laughing intensifies. “...Mom said that Dad was a complete mess afterwards. Like, covered in sticks, dirt, leaves- everything. Apparently he even lost a shoe!” He breaks into a full laughing fit.
I join in too. “What?! Hahaha, that’s amazing! What did he have to say about it?”
“Nothing really. Just gloated that ‘it worked in the end’, but Mom said that their dating was basically a done deal long before that. Dad was about to retort but… well he was cut off.” By what? Why did he stop telling the story there? Hisao’s hiding something again, isn’t he? This time it was definitely a choice. “It’s uhh… it’s been a while since I’ve seen the two of them seem so care-free like that.”
It may have just been convenient, but now he’s moving on to the next topic as quickly as he can. I could stop him. I could poke and prod and try to see what he’s hiding.
Or… I can try waiting. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do. Waiting to ask him about it directly might just make him even more hesitant to talk about it, but I want to give him the chance. “Oh? I feel like there’s a story there.” Besides, it sounds like this is something big too. I don’t know if it really counts since he’ll still be talking about the past, but it’s something at least.
Hisao stays quiet for a few moments. “It’s not something I really like talking about. Kind of a mood killer.”
“But it's on your mind, right?”
“It is.”
“And it still bothers you?”
“It does.”
“Hisao, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, Emi.” He pauses and the silence hangs for several seconds. “Can I have some time to warm up to it?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Mind helping me?”
“Sure. Let’s do it together.”
“Thanks.”
Hisao went first last time, so I’ll get us going this time around. “I actually have more hair bands than just the yellow ones I usually wear.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve actually tried wearing some of the other colors recently.”
I hear what sounds like a clap from the other end. “I noticed that! You were wearing a different color a couple different times! Right?”
“Haha, yeah. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel weird for trying something new or like I was trying to control you or something.” That’s all it was? I was so worked up over that detail for… nothing?
“I don’t mind. You know, Hisao, when a girl changes her outfit like that it’s because she wants to hear someone mention it. Someone like her boyfriend, perhaps?”
“Then I’ll make sure to do that next time. And uh, they were cute.”
My cheeks warm and the tension and worry and stress that’s been building up today starts to melt away. This is nice. “Thanks. Can you name what other colors I’ve worn?”
“Shit, uhh. I remember blue…”
I’ll throw him a bone this time. “One of two down. And the other?”
He grunts in thought, then tentatively answers.“Piiink?”
I let him wait in anticipation for just long enough to start worrying. Then respond, “Ding, ding, ding! Correct!” Hisao sighs in relief and I laugh. “And Hisao, keep calling me cute. I like it.”
“Hmm, I don’t want to let it go to your head so I’ll have to be careful…”
“Hey!”
“Kidding, kidding. I say it because it’s true.”
“Hmph. Fine… haha! Your turn.”
“Hmm…” Hisao thinks for a minute. “I think the only reason I never tried to join a soccer team was because I wasn’t very good at it.”
“You weren’t?”
“Not one bit. I couldn’t block a shot to save my life and half the time I’d shoot, the ball would go sideways - if I didn’t trip over myself before then.” He chuckles. “Sorry, just realized I started with soccer again. I’ll come up with something better.”
“You don’t have to, Hisao.”
“I want to though.”
I shrug. “Well then, go ahead.”
“Let’s see… I was really into Super Sentai when I was younger. Had a suit and everything.”
“Really? Didn’t think you’d be the type.” I’d love to see him in that, but I’ll keep that to myself for now.
“It mostly faded with time, but I think my love for sci-fi started there. I always thought the action was great and the mecha and kaiju fights were super fun. I even ran around playing pretend with some of my friends in school back then, pretending we were the Rangers fighting off evil. Can you guess which color I was?”
“Ooh, that’s a tough one. Maybe the Blue Ranger? No- well, maybe, but I think the White Ranger suits you better.”
“Really? I always thought I’d be more of a Red Ranger, myself.”
“What, cause you thought you were a main character?”
“Woah, hey now! I just thought they were cool.” Hisao laughs awkwardly. “So you’re familiar with the Sentai series?”
“Yeah, Dad used to like watching them with me. Sometimes I think he was hoping for a son, but got a daughter instead. I’m pretty awesome though, so it worked out in the end.”
“Huh. I like to think I’d have gotten along with him. This supports that idea.”
“You got Mom to like you pretty fast, so probably.”
Hisao grunts in appreciation of my vote of confidence. “Hopefully he still approves of me none-the-less. I wasn’t struck by lightning when we visited him, at least.” I giggle and Hisao joins in after. “Your turn.”
A layer deeper now, huh? What to talk about… “You probably think I’m pretty popular, right? I mean, that’s not exactly not true - a lot of people at school know me or at least know of me and I do talk to a lot of people as well, both in and outside of class, but I’m not really that close to any of them. There’s really only a select few people I might be able to call a friend, and even then I haven’t really treated them like one so I don’t know if I can really say that yet.”
I lean back and stare at the ceiling, then take a deep breath in. “It’s for the same reason it was so hard for me to let you get close. I was friendly, but not their friend. I mean, before break I mentioned wanting to hang out with a couple of them more often. I want to try anyway. I do like them, but I was just… scared.”
Hisao is so quiet I wonder if the call dropped. Then, “What about Rin? Aren’t you two pretty close?”
“In a way, yeah. When it comes to Rin, it’s hard sometimes. They put us together based on personality and need and we’ve become close in spite of that. Or maybe because of it. It just feels weird knowing that we were matched instead of coming together naturally, if that makes sense?”
Hisao makes what I’m assuming is meant to be an affirming grunt.
“Still, I think we’re friends and I think Rin thinks we are too and sometimes it feels like we’re best friends and that’s what matters, right?”
“I think so.”
“Good. Besides Rin though, I can only really think of two people I might be able to call a friend right now. I want to be more confident with that. I plan on talking to them more, so I’ll have to introduce you when I get closer to those two. I think you’d get along with them. And hopefully more to come after that.”
“I’d like that.”
“Good, cause you’re not getting a choice here! Your turn.”
“Right.” The line goes quiet while Hisao thinks. I turn and look outside. The new moon came and went a few days ago. I wonder if it's as bright for Hisao as it is for me.
Artist: TitoAks. And a Lore accurate version edited by me.
Speaking of, he finally starts. “Before today I was ready to write off my old life before Yamaku. I even had a shorthand for it - BY. I thought BY Hisao and everything that came with him was dead and gone. That Mai, Shin, and Takuya would have already forgotten about me - or, at least they’d have moved on. I know it’s more than a little naive, especially since we were friends for so long before this whole thing, but the time I was in the hospital felt like an eternity that had to mark something new. Like I was going from the Pliocene Era version of me to the Pleistocene. To say that I walked out of there a different person than who I was before would be a massive understatement. Hell, I didn’t even wake up as the same person.” I hear a chair squeak come through, alongside the sounds of Hisao rubbing something. Probably his head.
“Then I arrived at Yamaku and… it’s easy to forget everything and leave it all behind when you are moved half-way across the country and surrounded by new people. Deep down I knew it was wrong though. I’m just happy that there’s a chance I can come back from that mistake.”
“So you’re really going all in on trying to make up with them?”
“That’s the plan. I still haven’t talked to Takuya, but it’s looking brighter than it has in a long time.”
“I’m happy for you too, Hisao. You made mistakes, but I don’t think it’s fair to blame you for them. If I were your friends, I’d give you a second chance too. Just maybe try not to mess it up this time, haha.”
Hisao chuckles as well. “Thanks. I’ll do my best. Your turn.”
This is the moment I could confront him. I could tell him that I’ve been worried he’s been lying to me. That there’s something going on. I could ask him to talk to me about it. Ask him to not make the same mistake I made for the past eight years. But what if that turns into a fight? He’s trying to build the courage to tell me something important, and I want to spring up something else on him? I shouldn’t do that.
But if not now, when?
I’ll just have to figure it out later. “I’m a very harsh self critic. I don’t know if that’s really a surprise or not, but yeah. Any time I accomplish something I can’t help but pick out what I could do better next time. But mostly it means I judge myself for the things I do.” I stop and pull the covers up, wrapping myself tightly. It feels extra cold tonight.
“To start, I think I’m too pushy. Like that time when we first met; I pushed you to race me because it looked like you weren’t trying and I didn’t like that, but you ended up getting hurt. Or more recently Rin was not interested in doing an art gallery, but I talked her into doing it anyway because I think it’d be good for her.” I know it’d be good for her. “But what if that’s not what she wanted?” My stomach twists into a knot so I pause to catch my breath.
“I also think I’m too careless - I don’t think about things enough. Like, when I crashed into you in the hallway because I was in a hurry. I brushed it off at the time, but that’s only because you were fine. You might not have been though. Or when my leg got infected. I’m not an idiot. I knew something was wrong and what the consequences of not taking a break would be, but I wrote it off for days until it actually hurt me. And I could keep going and going, but at the end of the day none of that really matters because I like me. I like who I am. I like how I can bring the best out of people by challenging them, and how I can bring a smile to people's faces just by not holding back, and how people get inspired by my attitude. Is that so wrong?”
“No. I don’t think so.” Hisao didn’t hesitate. “It’s one of the first things about you I fell in love with: your confidence. I love you just the way you are.”
This is much harder than doing a talk like this in person. Seeing Hisao’s face right now, being able to hug him, to kiss him, to touch him… I miss it. It’s not even been a full day and I miss it. “Thanks, Hisao. I’m not really saying that I want to change. I know I have some shortcomings, but what if fixing them changes who I am? What if I don’t like that version of me?”
“Then we’ll work to find a way to fix that too.”
“Do you think it’ll be that easy?”
“No, but you’re worth it.”
The inside of the blanket finally starts to feel as warm as my face does. “I’ll hold you to that then. Your turn.”
And here it is. The big reveal of the night. Honestly, I kind of wish I asked him to talk a bit more about what’s on his mind right now. Tell me about this thing that’s been eating at him, but instead I asked for a piece of his past. Then again he might not have accepted If I did. Maybe he’ll be more ready to after this. I mean, we don’t have to stop, right?
Hisao is still there because I can occasionally hear him breathing on the other end of the line. He’s hesitating, a lot. Is he going to tell me?
“I… wasn’t meant to be an only child.”
Woah.
“I was supposed to be- was going to be an older brother. My parents always intended to have more than one kid, and they almost did.” The words are coming haltingly, in bursts, punctuated by infrequent, longer pauses.
I feel a stab of disgust with myself for drawing this out of him when I can’t be there because this is clearly hard for him.
“It happened when I was still very young. I think I was about five or six; old enough to remember things but too young to understand a whole lot. I remember my Mom telling me my little brother was in her tummy. I remember being excited to be a big brother. I remember riding around on my dad’s shoulders as we picked out furniture for the nursery and the smile on his face when it came together at home. I remember how we’d go out to parks and talk about possible names for if they were a boy or girl, or take trips into the city where they’d point out different toys in shop windows that might be nice to get them, or we’d take walks through town when Mom was getting cabin fever – just spending more time together than usual. I had never seen them like that before… or since. They were so excited.”
The night’s chill creeps back in and sends shivers down my spine. This time, when he pauses I hear a shakiness in his breath. “Then one day I was pulled from classes. My Aunt Tomiko had come to pick me up suddenly, telling me something very bad had happened and that Mom and Dad needed me. That I needed to be strong. I still remember how red her eyes were. How scared she sounded. When we got to the hospital all sorts of family members were there. My aunt, her husband, my cousins, my grandparents, and half of Dad’s family too. There was this… dark and oppressive atmosphere, like the air itself was trying to choke me. When Dad came out to get me I almost ran away. I didn’t want to go with him. He brought me into a room where Mom was. She looked so thin and weak.”
Hisao breaks into a short, broken laugh. “I even remember crying, still not knowing what had happened but just because everyone else was crying and I was scared. When I calmed down we sat together silently, embraced in a hug for what felt like hours, until Mom was ready to tell me that I wasn’t going to be a big brother anymore. We didn’t even know he was going to be a boy until that day.” He pauses to steady himself. “Koji. Koji Nakai was going to be his name. I never asked for the details of what happened.”
I feel like I need to puke. I don’t know if Mom and Dad ever wanted to have more children, and I don’t know what it’d be like to be an older sister or to think I’d be one, but I can’t imagine losing the chance like that. Or how his parents could even begin to cope.
“I spent a lot of time out of the house after that. My mom’s parents were over a lot more often to look after her while she recovered from-… And uh, Dad was working to keep the lights on so I barely saw him. I was too young to be left alone and my grandparents too old for a young kid so I’d end up spending night after night at either Aunt Tomiko’s house, since they were the only others in the family that lived in Tokyo, or at Mai’s, until my mom was better.”
“It was some time before she went back to work. For a while, it felt like I was living with a ghost. I barely saw her. She’d wander around the house, and whenever I walked into a room she’d have this look on her face that I could never understand, then she’d drift away.”
“Eventually she was able to go back to work and I could see this… spark in her again. I wouldn’t exactly call it excitement; it’s hard to describe. I remember that hurting too, but it meant Dad was around more. He must have taken a vacation because he’d invite my cousins over and we’d spend hours playing together.”
“Things started to settle down. Mom and Dad would spend a lot of time at work, but it seemed to help them. Especially Mom. Even at that age, I could tell they were doing better. There was less time where the three of us were together, but it felt like we got more out of it than before. We started going out as a family again – just the three of us – and of course we had Aunt Tomiko and my cousins. Things felt… normal.”
“Then my grandparents passed away – one year apart from each other. Mom became a ghost again. Only, this time, Aunt Tomiko and my cousins weren’t around; they moved back down to Kurume for work and family reasons.”
“By then, I was old enough to start hanging around with my friends and Mom threw herself into her work, even more than before. If it worked once…”
“My dad tried to be with me, but I didn’t need him nearly as much anymore, so he also started working later and later and… Well, you get the picture. Even when they were home they were tired all the time. Eventually it was normal for me to be on my own. So seeing them so happy again today, like they were back then or before… I can’t help but think maybe I reminded them of what they lost. Maybe they weren’t around as much because it was hard to look at me, and now that I’ve been away from the house for so long they can be happy again.”
That can’t be true, can it? When they were at the hospital, they looked so worried about him. They looked scared. I mean, there were also times when they looked stricken with each other and stuff too, but they were there within the day. They took the first train possible just to get there as quickly as they could and stayed overnight so Hisao wasn’t alone when he woke up. I guess I could never imagine what’s going through their minds, but it’s hard to think they could look at him the way he thinks they do.
Hisao sighs. “Sorry, I realize that’s kind of stupid. They seemed just as happy today with me around as they were a couple weeks ago, even though I’m back in the house. It felt good to get that off my chest though. Thanks for-”
“I don’t think it’s stupid.” I cut in. “It’s not the same, but after Dad died, Mom was distant for a little while too. For a bit I also thought it was because of me, but it wasn’t. It just took time. I think your parents just needed time too.”
“Maybe. No, you’re probably right.” Hisao groans, pauses with an abrupt grunt, then sighs and has a drawn out yawn. “Thanks, Emi, I needed that.”
“Of course!” You know, this might be a good time to see if he’s ready to tell me about what’s been going on. “And uh… Hisao, if you ever need to talk to me, about anything, you know I’ll listen, right?”
There’s a pause. It’s short, probably even only a couple seconds, but it feels like eternity. “‘Course, Emi. Same goes for you.” His voice is even. Measured. He won’t tell me. He thought about it, but decided not to.
Maybe I’m imagining things.
Maybe I want to believe I am.
“Right.”
“Well, I think I’m finally getting tired. Sorry for keeping you up so late.”
“It’s fine. You needed to talk and I wasn’t tired anyway.” But I definitely am now. I’m the one that ends up yawning mid-sentence this time. “Mmh… I miss you.”
“I do too. Is it weird to say I really want to hug you right now?”
“It’s the same for me.”
Hisao laughs. “It’s only been a day!”
“Hey! You said it first!”
“No, no, I mean- It’s only been a day, and look at us. We’ve been apart for this long before at Yamaku – longer even – but it was never like… this.” He sighs. “Does that make sense?”
“I think it does. When we’re there, going to see each other is still an option. Right now though, it’s pretty unrealistic. And it’ll be like that for almost two weeks. Two weeks where we can’t even touch each other…” The memory of his warmth makes me realize how cold it is.
Hisao lowers his voice. “I’d love to be touching you right now.”
“Oh? And if you were lying next to me now, where would you be touching?”
“I think you know where.”
Wow! Okay. Not cold anymore. In fact, I’m really, really warm. “Pervert.” I can’t help but giggle.
“Hey now, you were the one that filled in the blanks!”
“Okay, okay. That’s enough. I do actually need to get some sleep tonight and that’s not helping.” We haven’t talked like that in ages. He must be in a better mood than I thought.
I don’t even know if I’m happy or upset by that.
“Agreed. I should probably try to sleep too. I have a feeling tomorrow’s gonna be a long day. But hey, when I do come back to Yamaku we’ll have to make up for lost time, yeah?”
“Definitely. We’ll just have to make sure we don’t get too excited and hurt your ribs!”
“Woah, woah, woah! Who’s the pervert now?”
“Still you! Talk to you later, Hisao.”
“Yeah. Love you, Emi.”
“Love you too.” The line dies and I let my hand fall onto the pillow. Two weeks. This is gonna feel like forever, isn’t it? At least we’ll still be able to talk every day. Maybe he’ll be able to really tell me about what’s on his mind soon. Like, really talk to me. It really is late though, and I have a meeting with Shige tomorrow.
Before I can set my phone down I realize that there’s an unread message. It’s from Mimi.
Mimi: ‘Hey Emi, I’m back from my parents’ house.
if you aren’t busy and want to hang out
tomorrow I’d love to see you!
-Mimuro Tokumori’
Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap. I forgot to tell her about the crash. Well-... it’s too late to fix that now. Man, I even thought about messaging her earlier, then forgot again. Shoot.
As for the offer… Honestly I’m kinda surprised she still tries after so many dodged hang-outs; I usually turn her down for stuff like that. It only got worse after Hisao and I started dating and, as if on cue, my mind starts to come up with an excuse almost as a reflex. I don’t want to do that anymore though. She’s been trying to be a good friend to me ever since I came to Yamaku and it’s time I do the same for her.
I decide against telling her about the crash now – it would just worry her all night and that doesn’t seem fair, especially if she’s dealing with insomnia right now. I just hope she takes the news well, not that I can really imagine her taking it badly.
Me: ’hiya mimi! id love that. i need to see
nurse anyway and sry for responding
so late. also u dont need to finish your
txts with ur name every time (＃￣ω￣)’
I send the message and sigh. The next few days are gonna suck, aren’t they? All the attention and stares and questions and… ugh.
Only option is to face it head on, not that I’d have it any other way at this point. I plug my phone in, leave it on the desk, then am about to move into my bed when I glance at the clock on the nightstand.
Do I really need to be getting up at six thirty in the morning still?
I set the alarm for eight.
Table of Contents | Previous Scene: Scene 5 - Chapter 2: Building Tension | Next Scene: Scene 6 - Pajamas, Suits, and School Uniforms (Coming Soon)
Stiles, the goat for edits! Thanks for the help as usual! And you, reader, for reading!
Sorry that this chapter came out a day later than had been promised. I got caught up in my day to day and neglected posting it, despite thinking about it before bed yesterday. Can't promise it won't ever happen again, but I'll try to make sure it doesn't!
This was a heavy chapter and a difficult one to write. Thankfully, I'm not personally familiar with the events that Hisao and his parents went through, but I've known people who have suffered that experience. Basically, what I'm trying to get at is that I wanted to make sure I wasn't just adding this storyline in for the sake of edge or being dark. I want to respect what it means for the characters and world, just as I intend to to with everything I write.
One question that's always lingered in my mind when it comes to Hisao in the context of this story is what drove his parents and him apart? In the main game, they barely get any screen time and it's mentioned that they were out of the house a lot, or something along those lines. Then, in the context of this story, they're there the day of Hisao's second heart attack. Besides that, they did send Hisao to a school seemingly built to ensure the safety of someone like Hisao, while giving them the environment they need to confront the new reality of their disability (or just the reality of it) and to me that meant that they were people who deeply cared, but were troubled by events in their past.
So, then came this idea. Something to help explain what caused this gap in attention and affection. Something Hisao would want to distance himself from and could before now, but couldn't run away from forever. Make no mistake, this won't be the last time this comes up. I hope I've accomplished my goals and that this development was incorporated well. Thanks again for reading!
As mentioned last time, this chapter was about the max length I plan to release for future chapters going forward. Anything longer will be a rare exception. This also wraps up Scene 5! I'm not sure if I'll be able to start releasing Scene six by this time next month, but that the hope! If I don't manage to make that deadline, I apologize and hope you'll stick with me and my editor (be it Stiles or someone else) as we work on this story! As a bit of a preview, I'll tell you that Scene 6 will be a little longer than 5 was, so I'll be splitting it into four chapters. Once I start posting they'll be posted at the same rate these chapters were for Scene 5 and no slower.
Oh and hey, is that a new character's introduction being teased? Maybe!
I'll see you all in the next one! Thanks again for reading and sticking with Uncertainty!
cue
I'm about to
I'm new to this thread, but I wanted to drop by to show appreciation for this ending story.
I haven't started reading it yet since I'm currently busy with Sisterhood but this one is definitely in my plans since Emi was my favorite route in the VN, so it's nice seeing an epilogue in the works for her.
One thing I wanted to mention though is that I see that this story lacks ost music ques, which is a thing in Sisterhood (using a program I think developed specifically for Sisterhood, but usable anywhere). I think they help a lot with immersion, especially in emotional parts, so I was wondering if there'd be interest in adding the appropriate ques throughout the story - it should be doable enough that I'd take on this myself once I start reading if there's a want for that kind of thing. But I wanted to get a confirmation from the author in case this is deemed unnecessary or they want to pick the tracks and track positions themselves.
observable wrote: Tue Jan 07, 2025 11:23 pmI'm new to this thread, but I wanted to drop by to show appreciation for this ending story.
I haven't started reading it yet since I'm currently busy with Sisterhood but this one is definitely in my plans since Emi was my favorite route in the VN, so it's nice seeing an epilogue in the works for her.One thing I wanted to mention though is that I see that this story lacks ost music ques, which is a thing in Sisterhood (using a program I think developed specifically for Sisterhood, but usable anywhere). I think they help a lot with immersion, especially in emotional parts, so I was wondering if there'd be interest in adding the appropriate ques throughout the story - it should be doable enough that I'd take on this myself once I start reading if there's a want for that kind of thing. But I wanted to get a confirmation from the author in case this is deemed unnecessary or they want to pick the tracks and track positions themselves.
Stories having these cues is the exception, not the norm, so it shouldn't be too surprising that this one doesn't.
Welcome to the forum, btw 
Now that I think about it, I will probably actually bother with this, since I can make an js inject script along with the track list to inject the HTML of the cues at the appropriate positions in the forum message. So, in the worst case, I should be able to set everything up on my own even without explicit cooperation with the author.
Once I get to the end I could post both the script and the track list.
Fixed
observable wrote: Tue Jan 07, 2025 11:23 pmI'm new to this thread, but I wanted to drop by to show appreciation for this ending story.
I haven't started reading it yet since I'm currently busy with Sisterhood but this one is definitely in my plans since Emi was my favorite route in the VN, so it's nice seeing an epilogue in the works for her.
Glad to capture your interest and welcome to the forum! (...as Peorth said). My journey with KS fanfic started with Sisterhood, and though it's not in the upper echelons of my favorite list anymore, I still have fond memories and feelings towards it.
observable wrote: Tue Jan 07, 2025 11:23 pmOne thing I wanted to mention though is that I see that this story lacks ost music ques, which is a thing in Sisterhood (using a program I think developed specifically for Sisterhood, but usable anywhere). I think they help a lot with immersion, especially in emotional parts, so I was wondering if there'd be interest in adding the appropriate ques throughout the story - it should be doable enough that I'd take on this myself once I start reading if there's a want for that kind of thing. But I wanted to get a confirmation from the author in case this is deemed unnecessary or they want to pick the tracks and track positions themselves.
observable wrote: Wed Jan 08, 2025 10:00 amNow that I think about it, I will probably actually bother with this, since I can make an js inject script along with the track list to inject the HTML of the cues at the appropriate positions in the forum message. So, in the worst case, I should be able to set everything up on my own even without explicit cooperation with the author.
Once I get to the end I could post both the script and the track list.
I also enjoyed the tracklist and music addition to Sisterhood. In fact, when I initially set out to write this story (over 2 years ago now 
), I intended to do this very thing - making a tracklist with included cues and such. However, I was convinced off of the idea for a couple reasons. 1: Those who aren't interested in that would have their immersion broken with random cues in the way of the text and especially by the black boxes. 2: I'd have to update the tracklist/include a new one for every single Scene/chapter posted. For Sisterhood this wasn't an issue since it was all posted at once but there was no way that was going to happen for me. 3: The simple want to differentiate my fic from Sisterhood. gain, I loved the musical cues and the additions it had for that fic, but I want my fic to stand on its own two feet. 4: This is a minor one, but it'd increase the time it'd take to write each chapter due to considerations of music placement.
I don't have an issue if you want to take on this project for yourself, though. If anything, I'm happy that you'd be interested in my fic enough to go through the process in the first place! Thanks for bookmarking my story and I hope you enjoy it when you get started on it!
Finally got the time to read the last chapter from my favorite Leo Tolstoy of the forums!
Jeeeez, that's dark, and I wonder how it will play out later in the story. When I saw the warning before the chapter I thought that it will be something about Meiko, but hah, that, that is something that's completely unexpected.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
