Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-14 added 13-10-2024

[Feurox]

I'm afraid I have to concur with Mirage here, the grammar and phrasing in this update was pretty sub-par, and detracted from the immersion and flow of the narrative. Anyway, for what you do have, I'd say the friendship is progressing naturally and it's often charming. So there's plenty to enjoy and like.

Where I'll express my concern is in the lack of direction the story seems to have at times. Your OC does things, and gives rather poor explanations for why. It's quite realistic in some aspects, we do just do things for no reason a lot, but it's not exactly compelling. I think most of that comes from your tendency to tell rather than show.

Overall, this is a pleasant read and at times very charming.

[Razoredge]

Fireflies

This is not just another Sunday morning, but the festival as well. I'm super excited about this day, but it could have been better because my parents won't come today. Mom called me yesterday, and she was so sorry for not being able to come with Dad because they're sick. They should stay at home, I don't want them to get even sicker.

It's only nine o'clock, but there's a lot of agitation outside. The festival is well-known here, and there's always a lot of local people coming for the festivities and for the stuff sold there on this very day. I eat some cookies to wake me up, but it won't be nourishing at all. I should take a meal at a stall, however, I can't make up my mind on what I would choose right now.

I take my wallet, and I leave my bedroom, but right after I close my door, someone bumps into me. In front of me, there's a girl with red earrings smiling at me, as if nothing happened. I puff my cheeks disapprovingly, which makes her laugh a lot.

" Saki, dear, could you let me know when you want to bump into me, please?" I let out before laughing a bit as well.

" I'm sorry sweetie, I've been dying to see you. And now that I'm free, we can spend all our time together." Saki beams at me.

" It's only half-past nine, you have already finished your work?" I marvel with a whistle of admiration.

" Seeing my best friend is one of the things which helps me to do a lot of work as fast as I can." She adds, proud of herself.

" Dear, what did I already tell you about working too fast?" This time, I switch to my protective role, even if what she did for me was cute.

" But... You never told me not to do this kind of thing for you." She looks at me with her puppy eyes, which is really cute, and I kiss her on the forehead, as a confirmation that I'm not mad at her.

I take her hand, and we leave the dorm, trying to make our way through the crowd consisting of students, their parents, and local people. We take our time because the crowd is really dense, and I don't want to lose Saki. Some animations draw our attention, and I have to say, they manage to occupy us for almost an hour. The first-years did a little musical show, which was really cute, and well made. The PSA system turns on, and the principal makes an announcement, but I'm not even listening.

Before lunchtime, we go around the school to see every little animation or stall, to kill some time. Also, Saki wants to show me one of her class’ stands, that sells some food. I should admit that this stall interests me, especially for its ramen soups.

It's not lunchtime yet, but I'm still hungry, and now, I have my eyes on the food. I take a ramen soup for me and a bowl of miso soup for Saki. The food is pretty cheap, but I know they put their heart making these meals. She says she will get my money back, but I don't do anything like that to get some money back.

We find a bench, and Saki sits down quickly as I sit down on the top of it, as usual. I invariably sit down on the top with my feet on the seat, it may feel weird, but I've always done that. My soup is a little cold, but it's good enough to ignore that fact. As we drink, we stay quiet, looking at this dense crowd moving in every way. I look upon Saki, who seems to enjoy almost anything, even a bowl of soup. When our bowls are empty, we go back to her class’ stall, to bring them back.

Now, I know what I'll do, I will enjoy spending my time with Saki, but someone is missing. Even if Lilly wants to help her classmates, she deserves to enjoy the festival too. I ask Saki if she knows where her stand is, but she doesn't know. Luckily, a student points us in the right direction. With these instructions, we find her stall with ease, and I call her to draw her attention. She seems to be really happy to hear my voice, but I won't walk past the queue, I just have to wait patiently.

She's very busy, and I'm sure it'll be a relief for her to do something else than working. It is a bit selfish, but I want to spend time with her, of course, but also allow her to have a good time instead of working for other people. It's finally my turn, and she quickly drops her waitress facade as soon as I start talking with her.

" I admire you, you know. To be honest, I achieve to mix things up in my own bedroom." I laugh, just like Lilly.

" Some things were mixed up among the line, and we try to fix it right now. Saki is with you if I'm not mistaken, isn't it?" She smiles as soon as I answer positively. " Have you seen Hanako today? I'm a bit worried, usually, she stays with me during the festival."

" Not today, but we can try to find her together if you want. It will allow you to take a break, you deserved it."

She's doubtful, I can see it on her face, which I understand because it seems that she doesn't want to leave her classmates alone. She puts her heart into this work, but thankfully, a student comes to my rescue.

" You worked enough to allow us to deal with the flow of people, and you've earned yourself a break." His tone is calm but a bit serious.

She puffs her cheeks, trying to resist, but she already knows that it's useless, and she gives up after only a minute of negotiations. She finally leaves her stall, taking her cane on the way. She also asks me if I looked for her at the library. My palm meets my face, how comes I didn’t think about looking for her there?

It doesn't take us so much time to reach the library, because the crowd becomes less dense as we approach the main building. I could have ignored Hanako, but she's Lilly's best friend, and if I want Lilly to enjoy the festival as much as I wish, Hanako must be with us. Even if she's the shyest girl I've ever seen in my life, I must admit I like her, even though I don't know how to behave with her sometimes.

As she hears Lilly's voice, she indicates her friend where she is. She was in the corner of the library, reading a book quietly, although the library is empty. Saki points out that this kind of behavior is common with her, which isn't surprising for a shy girl. When she sees me, she blushes a bit, but she remembers that Lilly is here, and it soothes her.

" Lilly... Aren't you supposed to help your classmates at your stall...?" Hanako asks, with a bit of surprise.

" Kaori told me to take a break, and we thought that, maybe, you can spend your time with us." Lilly chuckles.

" Also, we might watch the fireworks together," Saki adds, which is a great idea.

Our little group visits each stall, and the variety of products sold here is astonishing. This ranges from food to little handcrafted products, and everything finds a buyer.

A stall sells cookies, and I buy cookies for everyone, without worrying about how much it cost. I'm not a rich student, but I don't calculate everything when I'm with my friends. I just want to please them, with no ulterior motive. The afternoon takes its course, and Saki finds a game stall, where a few first-years are playing. She looks at me with a playful smile, as if she was able to read my mind. And she's right, I really want to play these games, just like she does.

" Well, there's still time before the fireworks begin, so we could play some games together." I grin, as Lilly laughs when she hears me.

" Playing games with Hanako, are you sure about that? She'll do whatever she can to win, you know?" Lilly jokes as Hanako starts to blush again.

" It will add some challenge, I like that."

Hanako proposes us to start with a game of Daruma Otoshi, which is a game consisting of hitting a ring with a mallet. We have to hit each ring with the hammer, from the bottom to the top, without touching the others. The game is over when the head of the figure is the only remaining piece. This is an entertaining skill game I used to play with my father when I was a child.

We have to hit each ring in turns, and I begin to play, hitting the first ring carefully. Saki and Hanako hit their ring with ease, but when it's my turn again, everything falls down. Hanako laughs cutely, and she starts another game with Saki. Of course, I'm supporting my best friend while Lilly supports hers, but Saki makes the same error I did a few minutes before.

Then, Hanako tells Lilly that some paper sheets are reserved for origami, which makes her smile. I'm always fascinated by people who can do beautiful things with only a sheet of paper. She folds the paper with a dexterity I've never seen before, and this sheet of paper slowly becomes a flower. We stay quiet as she finishes her origami, folding a few more little flowers. Lilly gives a flower to each of us, as a kind of a little gift. I keep mine in my hand because it's useless to go back to the dorm just to put it on my desk.

The afternoon goes on peacefully, and when night falls, we are hungry, and we head for a food stall. We all take a bowl of soup, and we sit down on the grass to eat our dinner. As usual, I'm done eating before everyone else, and I lay down as Saki strokes my hair gently. Hanako is kind enough to bring our bowls back, and for an entire hour, we talk about our festival projects for the coming months. Saki and I planned to enjoy Tanabata together, but it would be better to enjoy it as a group.

The first whistle of the fireworks surprises me, as everything was quiet a few seconds before. Saki is lying next to me in the grass, putting her head on my chest, as I stroke her hair. Everyone is enthusiastic around us, as the sky is colored with shades of green, gold, or even red. Our festival's fireworks are well-known in the region, and it seems it gets even better every year.

Lilly, with her eyes shut, listens religiously as Hanako is amazed by all the colors and different shapes. I never had seen Hanako as happy as she is right now, even when we helped Lilly together. This year's fireworks are much longer than the previous one, but the grand final comes too quickly for my liking.

A great variety of colors and shapes lights up the sky in an infernal racket, but that seems worthwhile. Everyone in the crowd is in awe, such as me, because this year's festival was an unqualified success. Saki sighs, as this day is finally ending.

" That was our last festival together, unfortunately." She's sad because we all know that our university studies will prevent us from spending a lot of time together.

" The year isn't over, sweetie, there are a few festivals to enjoy together until we go to the university." I beam, fondling her cheek.

" Especially Tanabata," Lilly adds, " I really like to go there with Hanako and my sister, you should come with us." she offers, with a smile.

Saki gets back on her feet first, and I do the same, cracking my bones in the process. I wince in pain, I hate when my backbone cracks like that without no apparent reason. However, her offer was so kind, how could I refuse?

" It would be my pleasure Lilly, I'm sure Saki is happy too." Saki sticks her tongue out at me, agreeing to what I said a few seconds before. " Still, if my parents were there today, it would have been better." I'm a bit sad, I can't hide that fact.

" Sometimes, it's hard to look on the bright side of things, but I'm sure you'll see them soon," Lilly says with a motherly but kind tone, smiling at me with her eyes shut.

" As long as I am with my friends, who are a part of my family, I'm fine." I can't lie when I say something like that, and Lilly, when she hears my words, remains silent, keeping her beaming smile.

[Mirage_GSM]

It looks as if you rewrote the chapter a couple of times. Some passages read as if there are passages missing:

" I admire you, you know. To be honest, I achieve to mix things up in my own bedroom." I laugh, just like Lilly.

That's a strange greeting. She doesn't even kn ow about the mix-up at the stand yet.

She also asks me if I looked for her at the library.

How? She hasn't left Lilly's side since she asked her to look for Hanako in the first place.

As she hears Lilly's voice, she indicates her friend where she is.

This sentence is missing a word or two to make sense.

"Kaori told me to take a break, and we thought that, maybe, you can spend your time with us." Lilly chuckles.

It was a boy who told her to take a break.

As usual, I'm done eating before everyone else, and I lay down as Saki strokes my hair gently.
...
Saki is lying next to me in the grass, putting her head on my chest, as I stroke her hair.

Some switching up must have happened in between those lines...

If you've made multiple changes it's best to read the whole chapter once more when you are done. Possibly out loud. Or get someone else to read it instead to notice inconsistencies like those.

Also Hanako strangely has no problems at all walking over the festival with a group of friends. Seems completely out of character for her...

[Razoredge]

Teatime

One week after the festival, the academy goes back to its usual quietude. After waking up, I take my pills, and I head for the refectory to eat my breakfast. Every morning, my mind goes into an automatic mode, I do the same things day after day. Taking my pills, eating breakfast, and swimming before going to class. 

After an hour and a half of mindless stuff, I’m ready for class, and as usual, I’m early. The classroom fills up slowly, but I already know that this day will bores me as hell. Even if I’m an early riser, I yawn, because sometimes, I wish I could sleep more each morning. 

When the first lesson of the day starts, we have to work in groups. I turn over to see if Hanako is alone or not, but her neighbors ask her to work with them. For me, it’s a first, but it’s better than nothing, at least she’s not alone. As usual, I will work with my neighbor, she’s a nice girl, even if I almost know nothing about her. 

As the teacher gives us some sheets of paper, I notice that it does not thrill the new student to work with the class delegate, given the hopeless look I can see on his face. At least, it must be the new student, he’s the only boy I have seen with this pink-haired girl since the beginning of the year. 

However, when I give our work some attention, the first questions are easy for me. My neighbor asks me some help, and I explain her things with my own words, trying to be concise but understandable.  

Even if I don’t like this matter, being able to help someone is something I cherish, and this is one of the multiple reasons that explains why I want to be a teacher. However, there’re some words I can’t describe to her, but she can’t hold it against me. Some questions are hard to answer, and I’m not able to answer some of these, even if I try my hardest. 

Thankfully, the teacher won’t give us grades for this work, and within an hour, we could answer 6 questions out of ten. I know that I have shortcomings with science, even if I understand some things. Then, our homeroom teacher leaves, and morning take its course. 

The other lessons of the morning are dull because it only comprises taking notes. Sometimes, our teacher can’t entertain us every time, because they have to prepare us for our exams. Every night, I read all my notes to memorize them as much as I can, but I already know that some exams will be a real mess for me. But now, it’s time to follow the crowd, and I head for the refectory because I’m starving. 

............................................

When I reach the refectory building, I hear Saki’s voice behind me, who tells me to wait for her. I’m happy to hear her voice, I didn’t want to eat alone today. We quickly take our place in the queue, and she tells me some news about the boy she was telling me about before. 

“Yesterday, when you went to the library, he asked me on a date.” Saki beams.

“And you said yes, aren’t you? Another answer would not be acceptable.” I laugh, taunting her a bit. 

“Of course, I said yes, but now, we have to foresee when we can hang out together.” She exults, I’m thrilled to hear such good news. 

“Finally, it took you some time, but I’m thrilled, and I hope you’ll get along fine.” She hugs me frankly, to thank me as usual. 

The queue moves forward as she taunts me back. 

“You know, I can be in a relationship before you, you’d better hurry.” She says, sticking her tongue out at me.

“We’re not on a race Saki, I think I know what you mean, and if you’re talking about Lilly, which is what I believe, I try to build a relationship with her. I’m taking my time because I don’t want to rush things.”

She knows what I’m talking about, I’m afraid to rush things, and that’s why I never had a real relationship before. But I can’t see the future, and I have to take everything one step at a time. 

“However, I’d expect you to let me know if you do something with him. But I’m happy for you, and I hope you’ll be happy with him.” I smile, and finally, it’s our turn. 

I take some rice and beef, as Saki takes rice and fish, and we sit down. Today, I’ll attempt to eat slower than usual, because she worries a lot about that. Talking with her helps me to eat slower, even if it’s insignificant stuff, such as our lessons, or even the weather. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, but two days ago, my mother called me, and I asked her if you could come before the end of the year. And of course, she agreed, so we need to foresee a date.” I say with a smile.

“Great, I just have to ask my parents if I can too, and everything will be fine, I think. You’ll thank your mother for me, sweetie, she’s very kind.” She chirpses as we finish our dishes slowly. 

Before going back to class, we stroll around, hand in hand. For anyone outside our inner circle, acting like that would say that she’s my girlfriend, but we do things like that since we are best friends. And like that, I’m ready to help her. Also, I don’t give a fuck about what people may think about us. But all good things must come to an end, and this is time for us to go back to class. 

...................................................

The afternoon’s lessons reflect the morning’s teachings, which were boring. We take notes with no kind of interaction, but sometimes, it’s necessary. As usual, when I’m bored, I doodle some things on my sheets of paper because it helps me to stay focus. 

The last lessons of the day seem to last an eternity for me, especially the last one, but it’s only a hard time. I want to pass my exams at any cost, so I grit my teeth, and I try to stay focus, as hard as I can. When the bell rings, I breathe a sigh of relief, but before I leave the classroom, my neighbor asks me if I can help her with Japanese literature later. 

I can’t refuse, she asked my help with one of the kindest tones I’ve ever heard. It would be my pleasure to help her, and I tell her to ask me whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Then, she leaves the classroom smiling, and now, I can head for our tea room. 

When I reach the room, I find it empty, but that’s fine, I’m patient, and I’m sure Lilly and Hanako will arrive soon. I take a seat, and I wait for them, playing a puzzle game on my phone. I’m not used to playing on my phone, but sometimes, it helps to kill some time. However, five minutes later, they’re finally there. 

“Oh... Hi... Kaori,” Hanako whispers, staying next to Lilly as she enters the room. 

Lilly greets me too, as she takes a seat. This time, I propose to make tea for them, and we begin to talk, as the water warms up. 

“How was your day, Kaori?” Lilly asks with a concerned tone.

“It was dull, I have to say, taking notes and stuff like that. You know, I like interactive lessons, but, sometimes, lectures are necessary, even if I’m not fond of such a thing. What about you?” I ask, taking three different tea bags in advance. 

“When I’m not in classes, I help my classmates as a class delegate. It takes a lot of time every week, but I’m proud to help them as much as I can, trying to make things easier for them.” She beams, as Hanako nods to show her agreement. 

For me, it’s kind of obvious that she’s a class delegate because of her kind and motherly behavior. At least, this is how I see a class delegate, but unfortunately, mine is not like that. Water boils slowly, and I hear, behind me, the noise of a wooden thing put on the table. I guess that Hanako and Lilly want to play chess, at least this is what I expect from them. 

“When I was younger, all my class delegates were stubborn people, and they did nothing for us. So, it’s nice to see some people who are concerned about helping others. I love to help people, but I think I won’t be able to help an entire class. I have to say, I admire this kind of behavior.” She blushes and smiles when she hears my words, thanking me with a sweet tone. 

When the water is ready, I infuse the tea bags in 3 cups. I chose a blueberry tea for me, a vanilla tea for Lilly, and black tea for Hanako, hoping that I made the right choice. I don’t pour sugar into the cups, because, for me, drinking tea with sugar is a heresy. Finally, our tea is ready, and I give Hanako her cup, and I gently place Lilly’s cup into her outstretched hands. 

I don’t understand how people can love chess like they do, because it seems far too complicated for me. But when I see them playing, I have the impression that it’s a child’s play for them, and I feel dumb for not being able to understand this game’s rules.

As the game goes on, I stay quiet, because I don’t want to bother them. However, I try to understand every move, writing every pattern I see in my mind, but it doesn’t really make sense to me. I take a sip of tea, as Hanako moves a piece that looks like a little horse which doesn’t move like the other pieces. How can I understand a game when all the pieces don’t move in the same directions, following the same pattern?

“I think you will struggle to explain to me how to play chess, Lilly, because I don’t even understand the patterns of each piece. It’s an interesting game though, and I really want to know what you are doing.” I laugh, even if I have the impression that I’m a child in front of adults. 

“When you’re a beginner, chess is hard to understand, mainly because of the multiple possibilities. But don’t worry, when you’re ready, I’ll try to explain to you how to play. Hanako is a better teacher than me, but I don’t think you’ll understand her way of playing.” Lilly chuckles as she moves her pieces slowly. 

I drink my tea while it’s still hot, and after a long game, Hanako wins, at least, that’s what Lilly says. If I could understand a game like that, they would impress me with their skills, but I’m still a complete beginner. Taking a sip of my tea, I stay quiet for a few moments, as they start a new game, however, I want to ask something to Lilly.

 “Hmm, Lilly, I wonder, would you like to hang out with me tomorrow? I like to stroll around after school sometimes, and it would be a pleasure for me to share that moment with you.” I wonder, and she takes a few seconds before answering me. 

“How could I say no to this kind offer? It would be a pleasure for me too, but when should we meet?” She asks me, as Hanako plays first. 

"How about thirty minutes after school, in front of the school’s gate? It would allow us to be ready in time, especially for me, sometimes, I take so much time to be ready.” I giggle, joking about my own flaws. 

“That seems reasonable, do you already know where do you want to go, Kaori?” Lilly asks me, while I realize I have no answer to give her about that. 

“I have to admit, I foresee nothing when I stroll around, so it will be a surprise, but we won’t get very far, don’t worry.” 

She smiles as she touches every piece for being aware of Hanako’s moves, and I finish my cup of tea while watching them play another interesting game. Time flies when I’m with them, even when they take their time to play chess or drink some tea. Sometimes, taking time is necessary, and this is a very pleasant thing, people should take their time more often, instead of rushing things. 

I’m here, watching two girls playing a game I don’t understand, wordlessly, but spending time with them is something I cherish. When I came to Yamaku, I was alone during my first year, without my family and my friends, and it was a tough time. Fortunately, Saki came into my life during my second year there, such as Hanako and Lilly now.

Without them, I would be very lonely, luckily, I’m in good company. I just have to avoid to screw everything up like I did in my childhood with some of my old friends. When I was ten, I messed everything because of a girl who lied about her feelings. And that’s something I want to avoid as much as possible, especially with them. However, I hope that I will spend more time with Lilly, because she matters more and more to me, and I hope she’s aware of it. If not, I have to tell her the truth, but it will take some time, just like I did with Saki. 

Outside, it rains a bit, but it doesn’t matter, nothing else matters when you’re with your friends. 

[Mirage_GSM]

I think you're using the word "foresee" in quite an unusual way.
In most cases I would substitute it with "plan".
Did I miss an edit request for this chapter. It's been a very busy few weeks for me, and it is entirely possible...

[Razoredge]

Not at all ^^ I'll send you edit requests for the upcoming chapters, don't worry.

Speaking of foresee, the way I use it is the way I learned it, so maybe, I learned it the wrong way, it's possible, I don't know.

[Mirage_GSM]

The meaning of "foresee" is more like "to predict", as in to make guesses about the future.

The way you used it here:
“Of course, I said yes, but now, we have to foresee when we can hang out together.”
"And of course, she agreed, so we need to foresee a date.
...I think what you meant was that they had to make plans.

[Razoredge]

Yeah, that was what I wanted to say, but as you can see, I still have some grammar and vocabulary issues. But that's why I'm writing, because I want to improve myself ^^ Yeah, I'll defenitively send you some edit requests

[Razoredge]

Green meadows

In this school, there are two ways to start a school day – with or without an exam – and we have a history test this morning. I’m self-confident because I know a lot of things in this subject, and I work hard enough to get good grades. The class fills up slowly with a lot of anxious students, I can’t blame them, English gives me real angst when we have oral tests. 

When the first lesson of the day begins, most of the students are somewhere else, which is understandable, and the teacher adapts his lesson. I give some answers to the teacher’s questions, and I take some notes, but that’s enough. My neighbor shivers because she didn’t learn enough things to get a good grade today, so I give her some tips to help her a bit.

When our literature teacher leaves the classroom, the atmosphere changes completely. When I look around me, I can see fear or even anxiousness on most of the students’ faces. Our history teacher comes, and I can hear some groans. However, I’m ready for anything, even for Japanese’s medieval history, even though I prefer modern history to anything else. 

The teacher gives us the subject, and that’s a relief for me, we have to speak about the Meiji Era, one of my favorite Japanese time periods, for a lot of different reasons, such as how my country opened to the world, or how the economy changed. We need to answer a few questions, such as Commodore Perry’s expedition in Japan, or explaining some important battles. These questions are not that hard, but it requires knowing our lesson off by heart. 

The teacher asks us, in the instructions, to answer the questions in two or three sentences, but we’re free to write more if we want to. As usual, during a history test, I write a lot, because I like to explain things in details, maybe a bit too much, but I’ve never had a bad grade because I wrote too much. Explaining things in details passionately is, for me, one of the best ways to make history interesting. 

For some people, I’m obsessed about that, but they don’t understand I’m trying to turn my passion into a livelihood. A teacher will never be a good teacher without passion, and according to them, it’s quite dumb to take a lot of my free time to increase my personal knowledge. My duty, in my opinion, is to allow kids to love history as much as I do, because the history of our country is an important part of our culture, and we have to cherish it. 

I take my time to give good answers to these questions, even if it’s easier for me than for the rest of the students. I take almost an hour to answer every question with details, and now we can breathe a bit. The next lessons of the morning will be peaceful for us, if we just have to listen to our teacher instead of working in groups. 

I have to say, I am daydreaming while taking some notes, it may be an inefficient way to work, but it does work for me so far. This morning isn’t that bad, for me at least, I can’t speak for all my classmates. My stomach is rumbling, and I’m already thinking about my lunch, wondering what I can eat today. I don’t have any special desires, so I’ll eat the first thing that I would see. When the morning lessons are over, everyone rush towards the refectory, but I’ll take my time, even if I’m hungry, there’s no reason to hurry.

...........................................................…

There’s nothing fancy in my plate, some fish with vegetables, a healthy meal, although it’s not my favorite course. As I take a bite of fish, a pink-haired girl sits down in front of me, with her friend, who wears a cute pair of glasses. I have already seen a girl with pink hair in this school, but I can’t remember her face or her name. Besides, it seems she wants to ask me something, but she struggles to remember my name too. 

" You’re, mmm, Kaori, right?” She asks, after thinking for a few seconds. 

" Yeah, what can I do for you…" She notices I can’t remember her name or the name of her friend, and she comes to my rescue. 

" Oh, I’m Misha, and this is my friend Shizune, our class delegate.” Misha pauses a bit, trying to find her words to ask me something. " You like history, don’t you?  A first-year class delegate asked Shizune if she knew someone who would like to help students who have difficulties learning history or other subjects. She didn’t think about you initially, but when we saw how passionate you were during our history lessons, we thought you were the person we had been looking for.” Misha exclaims, with a loud voice, which is unsettling at first glance. 

I wasn’t aware that first-year students were setting up mentoring classes, but it sounds like a great idea. It would allow me to speak about history, which is something I love, or give them some tips to remember their lessons, especially dates. Events are easy to keep in mind, but dates are very hard to remember for me, and sometimes, I still struggle to remember some of these. But speaking about history with younger students is a wonderful idea, and I would love to do it.

" How can I say no, I want to be a history teacher, and this is a great way to practice a bit, count me in.” I exult, smiling, and I’m feeling grateful they were thinking about me. 

Misha signs to Shizune everything I said, and they talk to each other, but I can’t understand anything, since I don’t know how to speak in sign language. Then, after two minutes, she translates her friend’s words to me, when she notices I’m intrigued. 

" They don’t know when they will put this together, but when everything will be ready, we’ll ask you if you’re ready, right?” Misha smiles, as Shizune waits for my final answer.

" Yeah, I’ll be waiting for you, and thank you so much for thinking of me, I’m glad to be helpful to younger students.” I chuckle, smiling too. Then, they leave the building, leaving me alone. Luckily, my dish is still warm, but, I have to say, this meal isn’t enjoyable. It’s not too bad, but sometimes, food quality varies a lot. 

While I’m eating, I wonder where is Saki, I didn’t see her since yesterday. Maybe she’s with this boy she talked me about or with her friends, I don’t know. As I will stroll around with Lilly, I will have some things to say to Saki, and I hope she will have things to tell me about him too. 

...........................................................…

The first lesson of the afternoon is very interesting, and I ask a lot of questions to the teacher, because the subject is fascinating, even if it is science. When I was at the hospital, I talked a lot about the human body with the nurses who took care of me, and it’s still a very interesting subject to me. I have a lot of gaps with science, so I need to work harder than usual in this matter. 

In the middle of the last lesson of the afternoon, my neighbor tells me how much she’s bored and asks me to explain her some things about our morning test. I take a sheet of paper, and I write some answers to her questions, with a few words, trying to give her easy-to-understand explanations. When she reads my answers, she sighs, because she realizes that she’ll get a bad grade. I feel bad for her because she works hard for little results. 

When the bell rings, I breathe a sigh of relief, we are free for the rest of the day. I leave the classroom and I head for the dorm to get changed, even though I don’t know what to wear. After a dull day, spending time with my friends is a blessing, it will help to clear my mind. In my bedroom, I search some clothes in my wardrobe, and today, I will wear black jeans and a checked shirt, with my only pair of sneakers. I take less than five minutes to be ready, even with doing my hair, which allows me to spend a bit of time reading.  

However, I’m a little early, so I’m waiting for Lilly in front of the school’s gate. When I came to Yamaku, this gate looked like a prison gate for me, I was afraid to lose my old life. During my whole life, I was afraid of change, but I learned, the hard way, to accept it even if I didn’t want to. Now this school is like a second home for me, I learned to love this place, and it will be a heartbreak to leave this place. 

Suddenly, I’m feeling I have been waiting for a bit too long, and when a student comes next to me, I ask him if he has seen Lilly or not. He looks at me funny and tells me she was next to me too, pointing at her with his finger. I must admit I didn’t recognize her at first sight, because she took her hair ribbon, and I have never seen her in these clothes. This dress suits her well, and I’m envious, because I want to buy clothes like that, but I’m sure it won’t fit me at all. 

Lilly gently takes my arm, and we walk down the hill, heading for a field. I walk slower than usual, because I have to adapt my pace to hers. I love to walk on a field with Saki and feeling tall grass all around me, this is something simple but very soothing. When we are in the middle of the field, I break the silence, as I have something important, for me, to tell her.

" Lilly, I have to tell you, my proposal wasn’t innocent, you know. I have something to tell you, and now I think this is the right moment.” I whisper with a small voice, before speaking louder. " You know, when I came to Yamaku, I was alone, my whole first year there was painful, but then, Saki came into my life. When I met you, I met a kind girl who offered me her help, it may be nothing for you, but it means a lot to me. I have to, I see you as a great friend, and I won’t thank you enough for being so nice with me.” I say, with a smile.

" You don’t have to thank me for these things, I’m kind with you because I like you. I’m glad to be there with you, Kaori, and I will be there for you, as much as I can. Maybe someday, you will tell me something else, we never know.” Lilly chuckles, her eyes closed. 

She’s not wrong, it was the same between me and Saki, I saw her as a good friend, and then, she became my best friend. I can’t predict which relationship I’ll have with Lilly, but I hope it will be something great. Our friendship means a lot to me, and I don’t want to repeat the mistakes I did in the past. This is also the case with Saki, I’m afraid to lose my friends, even if I do nothing wrong. 

For more than an hour, I stroll around with Lilly, talking with her about our life, and especially our childhood. She gives me a lot of informations about her past, her trips to Scotland with her sister Akira, but she doesn’t talk about her relationship with her parents. She’s discreet about it, maybe she resents her parents about something in particular, but it seems she doesn’t want to talk about it. 

Then, she asks me some questions about my past relationships, especially my old friends. Looking back, my past relationships explain why I’m afraid to lose my friends, I did a lot of mistakes that hurt some people. Although I tried to redeem myself, it wasn’t enough and some of my old friends no longer want to hear about me anymore. 

“ You know, losing my friends is one of my worst fears, even if I do nothing wrong. There’s no reason for this to happen, I know that, but I’m still afraid and I can’t think of anything else.” I whisper, looking at my feet. 

" There’s no reason to be afraid about that, just seize the day and enjoy spending time with your friends. I will stay with you, Kaori, because you mean to me, and I’m not used to leave my friends behind.” Lilly breathes, with a motherly tone. 

She’s right, I just have to enjoy spending time with my friends, while thinking about something else. It’s hard to do this, but with Lilly and Saki’s help, I’m sure I will dismiss this idea, but it will take some time. Such as Saki, she calmed me down with her words, but I must work on myself to avoid to build a self-defense habit. However, with such a good company, it will be easier, I don’t worry about it.

The wind blows around us, and I watch the sun going down slowly. A simple moment, but I love to be with my friends in a middle of a field in the late afternoon. I just hope that Lilly enjoys spending her time with me as much as I do.

[Razoredge]

Lotus


First at all, I will thank Req for this piece of art. I really like it, and I hope you too. You should subscribe to his patreon, Req deserves it.


Since my little stroll with Lilly and Saki last week, I have spent a lot of time with Lilly and Hanako, and a little less time with Saki. I learned how to deal with Hanako, because of her shyness, thanks to Lilly. She doesn’t talk much, but sometimes, I can chat with her about what she does with Lilly when they’re alone, or about what books she’s reading. It may seem insignificant, but each discussion with her is a pleasure. I know I won’t be able to be as close to her as to Lilly, but, at least, I want to be a comforting presence for her.

I still swim each morning, but I try to keep in mind Nurse’s advice, I need to stay in good shape, but I must stop pushing myself like I did before. Now, my aim is to increase my stamina and not my swimming speed. Swimming slowly, with a good pace, is better for me than trying to swim faster than my teammates. I almost had a heart attack because of that during our tournament, and now, I want to avoid this as much as I can.

After an excellent breakfast, I’m ready for a new school day, even if I have a test in mathematics during the morning, a discipline in which I have shortcomings. I try my best, but sometimes, it’s not enough, and I struggle to understand some concepts. I already know I’ll get a poor grade, but I need to do my best with my limited knowledge. Luckily, I will catch up with later exams, like I did before.

Today, we start with Science, and as always, our teacher seems exhausted. I know it’s our science teacher because he wears his usual brown trench coat. As usual, he apologizes for being late, and he begins to talk about plate tectonics, an interesting subject, even if I don’t understand half of what he’s saying. My neighbor is confused, but we try our best to take some notes.

During the lesson, I’m asking several questions to understand how the plates are moving in the ground. I admire his willingness to explain a complex subject in simple words for us, and his passion for science. Even if this subject doesn’t interest me that much, I always love when a teacher is passionate about his discipline. And I have to admit, sometimes, he achieves to make me like science a bit. I still don’t understand half of what he’s saying, but at least I learn some things sometimes.

It rains outside when the teacher leaves the classroom, and while we’re waiting for the other teacher, my neighbor asks me how things are going with Saki. It’s not a secret that Saki is my best friend, and she seems to be concerned about what kind of relationship I have with Saki. That’s cute though, even if I don’t have a close relationship with her. Everything is fine with Saki, even if we don’t see each other as much as usual, because she spends a lot of her free time with her new boyfriend, and I spend a lot of time with Lilly and Hanako. I have understood that I don’t have to spend all my time with her to show how much I love her.

Then, we have an English course, which is much more interesting for me, unless it’s an oral interrogation. Luckily for me, the teacher gives us a sheet of paper with some questions on it. Great, a listening comprehension, I don’t know why but I love this class’ work. It’s because I prefer listening to speaking, because of my awful accent. The teacher sometimes gives us that kind of work to see our progress, but it doesn’t automatically count as a grade.

We have to answer some questions about the environment, and the actions of teenagers concerned about global warming. The audio gives us a lot of tips: if we want to change our habits, which is a noble thing, some changes can lead to big actions. During the first listening, I could answer half of the questions, but as usual, we have to listen to the recording three times. My neighbor needs to listen to the recording three times to answer all the questions, when I’ve already finished long before she did.

I will ask Lilly to help me with my pronunciation, my understanding is fair enough to allow me to handle things. When the teacher picks up our exercises, my neighbor asks me some questions, and I try to answer them as much as I can. It seems she didn’t understand what the second girl said about her motivations. In fact, she said she’s worried about the increase of endangered species because of global warming. When I translate what she said into Japanese, she understands immediately, and; I don’t know why; she feels ashamed. There’s no reason at all, language gaps are not shameful.

But our problems don’t stop there, because we still have a math test, which is a real mood killer. When the teacher comes, everyone seems depressed around me. I’m prepared for the worst, because I already know it will be one of the worst grades I’ll have this year. She understands, but she’s still our teacher, she can’t assess us otherwise. When the test begins, everyone becomes silent. Equations, trigonometry, calculations, problems, everything is too hard for me, except some basic calculations.

We have ten to twelve questions to answer, and I have to admit, after the fifth question, I’m lost. The first calculations were simple, but I still don’t know how to resolve equations correctly. I scratch my head, trying to understand the questions, but nothing comes. I still struggle to understand mathematics, even with my best efforts. Sometimes, I feel like an idiot, why I can’t do it when the others can? Time goes by, and I can’t answer the other questions, so I give up. My grade will be bad, I already know that, and I will need to catch up later.

I look around me, and I notice I’m not the only one in this case. This exam seems difficult for almost everyone in the class, except for two or three students. Minutes go by like hours, and in a last burst, I answer two more questions. I don’t even know if my answers are correct or not, but at least I’m trying. It won’t be enough, but if I can gain one or two more points, I will be happy. When the teacher picks up our tests, everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

One more lesson, and the morning will be over. Luckily for me, we have a history lesson. My mentoring for first-year students will start in a few days, and I’m excited, I can’t wait to help them. Feeling useful for people is something fulfilling for me, which leads me to think teaching is something I need to do.

“What grade do you think you’ll get?” asks my neighbor, as she writes some notes.

“A shitty grade, as usual. I’m under no illusions, I don’t understand mathematics, so it will be a poor grade, as usual. But it’s not that bad, I will catch up later, I think.” I mutter, writing some notes too.

“And how you will do it?” she mumbles, interested.

“I don’t know yet. I think my literature and history grades will help me, but it’s still too early to tell.”

“I want to have your optimism, Kaori, I don’t know how you achieve to be that optimistic.” She smiles as she writes dates.

“I’m not optimistic at all, I know I have some aptitudes, and I use them as much as I can, that’s all.” I chuckle.

I don’t want to be seen as a lazy girl, but that’s true, I use my aptitudes as much as I can, I would be wrong for not doing it. Mom gave me some tips to understand math when I was young, but it’s not enough. I work twice as hard in sciences to fill in my gaps, for little results. It’s demoralizing, because I need to have good grades to get my diploma.

As usual, I take much more notes than I need to do, just because I want to increase my personal knowledge. I have to admit; it helps me to get better grades too, so I will never stop it. For the rest of the lesson, I’m quiet, and I write a lot, even if the Industrial Revolution isn’t my favorite period. It’s still interesting, but the older eras of Japan please me much more.

…….

When the afternoon lessons are over, everyone breathes a sigh of relief. This day wasn’t fun at all. I head towards the dorm, I’m hungry and I need to eat something before I join Lilly and Hanako for a cup of tea. But before I could reach my room, someone takes my hand. Given the gentleness of this gesture, it must be Saki.

“Wait a second, Kaori, I have something for you.”

“I always have time for you, sweetie. That being said, you intrigue me.” I chuckle.

“Come with me, I’m sure you’ll like what I brought you.” Saki cheers with a radiant smile.

Seeing Saki as cheerful as she is right now is a wonderful sight. I would like to see her like this all the time, but life has decided otherwise. I wonder what she bought for me, but knowing her, it will be a beautiful gift. Saki knows my tastes by heart, and she’s never wrong. She gives me a little box in a red gift-wrap, which is charming. I unwrap my gift with a radiant smile, and when I open the box, I discover a silver necklace with a lotus flower.

“Saki, it’s… It’s wonderful… I love it, thank you very much, sweetie.” I hug her frankly, while being careful to avoid to cuddle her too tight.

“You’re welcome, sweetie. I’m glad you like it. I was hanging out with Akio, and we thought it would suit you well.” Saki says, with her arms around me.

“It must have cost you a lot of money…”

“Sweetie, you bought me so much things, and nothing is too good for you.” She answers, kissing me on the forehead while I stoop.

I put on my necklace, and I look at myself in the mirror. She’s right, it suits me quite well. I will wear it all the time, and when I’m in class, it will be under my shirt. Now, I have to find a gift for Saki in return, and I have some ideas. A silver ring would be a good idea, I never bought her any yet. I’m sure she will love this gift, but I still have time. Mom will send me some allowance anyway, and before that, I will have to spend money for other things.

“I would like to stay here with you, but Akio wants to hang out with me. Come spend some time with us one of these days, I’m sure you’ll like him, he’s kind of sweet.” She chuckles as she kisses my forehead once again.

She heads towards the door, but I need to tell her something.

“Saki?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“I love you.”

“Me too, Kaori, me too.” She replies with a beaming smile as she leaves her room.

It’s heart-warming to see Saki as happy as she is, I don’t know him yet, but I’m glad to know that he makes her happy. All I want is to see her smile, if she’s happy, so am I. I leave her room too, and I head for the room where I usually drink tea with Lilly and Hanako. I thought I was early, but as soon as I open the door, I see two girls sitting in front of each other. A blonde and a girl with dark purple hair, it must be Lilly and Hanako.

“H… Hi Kaori.” Says the dark purple haired girl, while I recognize her voice. It’s Hanako.

“Good afternoon, Kaori.” Lilly adds. “How was your day?” She says, smiling with her eyes closed.

“It was a good day, except for this morning’s math test. I thought it was a good idea to drink some tea with such beautiful girls, to relax a bit.”

Hanako blushes a lot, while Lilly laughs softly. That being said, I was honest; I find Lilly and Hanako attractive, even if I have a strong preference for Lilly. But the more time I spend with Lilly, the more I realize I like her, and above all, I want to see her as more than a friend. But, I don’t know; I think it’s too soon to tell her something like that. I have to admit; I have a big crush on her, like I’ve never had before.

“The pleasure is ours. You are of excellent company, Kaori. Yesterday, Hanako was talking about you, you know?” Lilly breathes as she takes a sip of her tea.

“Oh, what did she say?”

Hanako stays quiet for a bit, but she gets a hold on herself.

“I was… wondering… if you could suggest… a book… I have nothing left to read…” She murmurs, looking at her feet.

I scratch my head while I cogitate, thinking about books she could like.

“Do you like novels about geishas, Hanako?” I ask, confidently?.

“Y… yes, I guess? Do you h… have any re… recommendation?” Hanako mouths her answer.

“Great. I have two or three books in mind that you might like. I will borrow them for you, if you want.”

Saki once told me I have good recommendations, because she sometimes asks me for advice. If I can help Hanako, I would be happy, even if I don’t know her exact tastes. I’m making myself a cup of black tea, while Lilly speaks with Hanako about various things. I wasn’t fond of tea when I was a child, but I learned to appreciate it when I became a teenager. Now, I wouldn’t be able to spend a week without drinking tea.

“Lilly, Hanako, I wonder, would you like me to play guitar for you, one of these days? It would honor me.” I add, while my tea brews.

“I’d like too.” Lilly answers with a sweet smile. Hanako just nods, and a few minutes later, my tea is ready.

“I know some nice love songs, I’m sure you’ll like them.” I banter.

She laughs too, and I take a sip of my tea. I’ve been lucky to meet such a beautiful and sweet girl. Hanako is kind too, even if she’s very shy. I must proceed with caution with her, but she seems to tolerate my presence. I would act in the same way if I was her. That being said, I feel good with them, and that’s all that matters.

[Razoredge]

When I see your face

I rise to the surface for some air, as I almost choke on water. I was thinking about something else, and I stayed too much underwater, which was a dumb idea. Arms on the edge of the swimming pool, I breathe deeply a few times to calm my heart. One of my swimming partners comes up to me to check if I need help, but with a sign of the hand, I tell her I’m fine.

Since my incident during the swimming tournament, I don’t swim with a competitive goal anymore. I still swim because I like it, and also because it’s good for my heart. And if I stop swimming, the Nurse would be mad at me, and I don’t want to disappoint him. I kinda like him, even if he’s weird; but he’s kind, in his own way.

A few more lengths and I’ll be done for today, but this time I don’t swim underwater. I’m more scared than anything when I stay too much underwater, so if I avoid it sometimes, it will be fine. It’s not like it takes efforts to avoid something like that. I take my time, and I swim at a slower pace than usual; the idea is to save my stamina to stay as long as possible in the water.

A few days ago, I was kinda sad to quit competitive swimming, but I must admit that it’s for my sake. Even if I know I have no chance of winning, I try my best to be among the best, and sometimes, I just push myself foolishly. And I don’t think it still works if I tell the Nurse that I just wanted to be one of the best in a swimming tournament.

After a few more lengths, I leave the swimming pool with a sigh of satisfaction. Taking my towel, I dry my hair while walking towards the lockers room. Somebody talks next to me, but since my head is covered with my towel, I don’t really hear what this person is saying. But this person stays in front of me, and as a courtesy, I put my towel on my shoulders. With water still dripping on my face, I can’t recognize who is in front of me. But even without that, I’m not able to recognize anyone without distinguishing features.

“Sweetie? It’s me, Saki.” She has noticed my confused look, and her help is very welcome. But with a swimming suit, an unusual hairdo, without her cherry earrings and her cane, given my condition, how was I supposed to recognize her? It’s still heartbreaking for me to not recognize the face of my best friend when she’s in front of me, even with my best efforts.

“Oh, hi, sweetie. Sorry…” I always apologize when I don’t recognize her, even if she told me several times not to do so, but I can’t help it.

“Don’t apologize, Kaori, it’s not your fault.” She says, with her usual kind tone, gently putting her hand on my cheek. “Did you have a good training session today, dear?”

“As usual… but wait a second, what are you doing here, by now?” It’s kinda surprising to see Saki at the pool early in the morning. Usually, her therapy takes place during the afternoon, and I can count on my fingers how many times she went to the pool during the morning.

“Some students will need a bit more of therapy time this afternoon, so I volunteered to come this morning. Don’t tell me you’re not happy to see me?” She’s cute when she’s pouting, but I trained myself to resist these adorable puppy eyes.

“What kind of question is that?” I chuckle, petting her hair. “If I’m not happy to see you, there’s a big problem. But since when you’re an early bird?”

She laughs and takes a serious look. “I’m not, but sometimes, I get up early to finish my homework or to read a bit.” That is so Saki, but at least she’s still serious about her schoolwork. “I hate getting up early for that, but knowing that you would be there helped me.”

I still have time, and a bit of small talk is never a bad idea. The girl next to her in class is sick for three days, her relationship with Akio is going well, and the lectures are boring, unlike group work. He asks a lot of questions about me, but for her, it’s just out of sheer curiosity; nothing wrong about that. I don’t see him often, since Saki is with him when I’m not around, but he makes her happy, and that’s all that matters.

“So, sweetie, do you want me to stay a little more?” I really need dozing in the shower, and she needs to do her therapy, so a kind no is the only answer that comes out of her mouth. “Love you.” We share a warm hug, and I leap into the shower, a place where I doze easily.

………………………………………………………

The morning lessons are uneventful, except for group work, which is boring, to say the least. The exercises were so simple that we could have done them on our own, but it’s for another reason that the teachers often ask us to work in groups. This school, much more than any other, attaches great importance to the community spirit, so that no one feels isolated. This is something I like about Yamaku, and I’ll miss this community spirit once in college.

I’m starving, and I breathe a sigh of relief when the lunch bell rings. I rush towards the cafeteria to get a meal before joining Lilly and Hanako. It takes a bit of time, since a lot of students had the same idea, but I just hope they won’t leave without me. When it’s my turn, I take a bowl of rice with fish and an apple, and on my way back, I pay attention to avoid to spill my bowl, given how clumsy I am in such a situation.

A few minutes later, I finally reach the room we use for lunch and tea breaks. Lilly is making tea, while Hanako is setting the chess game. With time, I memorized some of Lilly’s physical characteristics, such as her hair color, her pale skin, or even her long, slender fingers. A tall blonde girl with a black hair ribbon and a cane is something unique in this school, I can’t go wrong. And if Lilly is here, the other girl must be Hanako, easily recognizable with her dark purple hair, her scars and her shy behavior when I’m around.

“Hi Lilly, Hanako.” Lilly politely nods, acknowledging my presence, focusing on her preparation. Hanako, meanwhile, answers with a shy greeting. I take a seat next to Lilly, and I politely wait for her before eating. When I first met Hanako, she was extremely shy, permanently looking at her feet. But now, she seems to be accustomed to my presence, and each conversation I have with her is a personal victory.

“Hello Kaori.” Lilly says, as she brings three teacups, one after the other. “I hope you’ll like this flavor, Hanako wanted to drink this one today.” A delicate orange aroma comes from the cup, a scent I find rather pleasing. I rarely drink orange tea, and each opportunity to do so is a blessing.

“I would never say no to an orange tea.” I eat my rice as Lilly and Hanako play chess, eating their salads between each action. “But why this one today?” I’m just curious, but some change is never wrong.

“It’s an Orange Jaipur, a tea we usually drink on special occasions.” She explains, as she moves a piece after looking for Hanako’s piece with her fingers.

“Are we celebrating something today?”

“Let’s say we were thinking about sharing one of our favorite tea with a friend.” Lilly answers with a kind tone. Her voice is softer than usual, it’s a subtle change that I can’t explain. Lilly is a friend I didn’t expect to have. Meeting her was one of the best things that happened to me this year, and I cherish every moment I spend with her. Hanako is a friend for me too, but I have to admit I don’t even know how she feels about it.

Lilly and Hanako focus on the game, and once again, I don’t know what they’re doing. But it’s an interesting entertainment, and it helps me to forget how bland the food is. It’s undoubtedly nourishing, but not something you want to eat every day for the rest of your life. When my bowl is empty, I fully enjoy my tea. Hanako was right to choose this one, it’s one of the best orange-flavored tea I’ve ever tasted.

Switching between my tea and my apple isn’t something bad, it’s even better than I expected. I remember that Mom always told me that apples and oranges were a good mix, but I hadn’t tried it before, and I have to say, she was right. Not my favorite, but still good enough to make me want to renew the experience.

“Kaori, I wondered, do you know if Hisao is fitting in your class?” Lilly asks, while moving a tower-shaped piece.

“Hisao?”

Hearing my confusion, Hanako raises her head towards me, and tries to help with some indications.

“He’s the new student… The one with the…. messy light brown hair.” She answers in her signature quiet voice.

“Oh, this one… I don’t know, Lilly. He only talks with this blue-haired girl, and her pink-haired friend. I can never remember their names.” As soon as I mention this blue-haired girl, Lilly lets out a sigh of disapproval before composing herself.

“This is unfortunate. I just hope that Shizune doesn’t bother him with this student council affair.” She doesn’t even try to hide her annoyed voice tone. “I might give him a hand, someday.”

“She never tried to include me in it.” I say, taking the last sip of my teacup.

“Consider yourself lucky, Shizune can be pretty insisting on that matter.” Lilly answers with an amused giggle, followed by Hanako, a welcome reaction, given how much it annoys her to speak about Shizune.

They finish their chess game, and it seems Lilly won this one. I don’t know if we still have time, but I take our teacups to clean them, which is a new habit I’ve taken. Lilly and Hanako are chatting happily, mostly about school stuff, Hanako trying to allay Lilly’s fears about her shortcomings. It’s heartwarming to see how Lilly is concerned by her academic success, but it also makes me think she has more shortcomings than Lilly suggests.

“Well, our cups are clean, there’s some time before the lunch break ends, so, I’m going back to class. It was a great moment, as always, Lilly.” I would lie if I say that I don’t enjoy their company.

“Kaori, may I ask you something?” Lilly adds, which prevents me from leaving the room.

“Of course, whatever you want.”

She stays quiet for a bit, as if she is looking for her words. “May I feel your face, if you don’t mind?” The request catches me off guard, but the way she asks for it is lovely, with a bit of restraint in her voice. I have absolutely no reason to refuse, since it’s her only way to find out how I look like.

“Ye.. yeah you can.” I answer with a nervous chuckle.

I come back at her as she raises her hand, which I guide to my face. My heart is pounding, even if the movement of her hand on my nose or my cheeks is very gentle. I was nervous initially, but the delicate movement of her long, slender fingers is something soothing. Her fingers gently graze my mouth and my chin with her eyes closed, memorizing each inch of my face. It’s absurd to be nervous about something she would be used to do, since it’s the only way for her to know how somebody looks like, and I feel kind of dumb for that.

Her hand runs through my hair before grazing my cheek one last time, with one of the kindest smiles I’ve ever seen from her. Saying that I didn’t appreciate what happened would be a lie, and it would have been better if it was longer, but I won’t complain about that.

“Thank you for letting me do that, Kaori.” Lilly says, opening her eyes, with the same smile on her lips. Hanako remained quiet all along, as if she didn’t want to disturb us. “It makes me wonder how can you still be single, you’re quite pretty, you must have some secret admirers.” She adds with a cute chuckle. Her comment catches me off guard, leaving me speechless, my cheeks wearing a scarlet red blush. I’m not used to hear compliments about my appearance, but it sounded so sincere from her I don’t know what to think about it.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend yet.” I admit with a sigh.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have your eyes on someone?” Her expression turns into a more playful one, with a childish grin on her lips.

“Maybe, who knows?” I catch myself playing her game, my answer being more playful than I expected it to be.

After that, no one knows how to react; the entire room remains quiet for a while. But it doesn’t sound awkward at all, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to understand what she said. “We should go now; the lunch break ends soon.” She says, breaking the silence between us. Quietly, we head towards our classrooms, Lilly slowly walking beside Hanako, her hand on her shoulder.

I’m still a bit astonished by her comment, but on the other hand, I’m happy to have heard something like that from her. Small moments of happiness like this one was something I missed when I came to Yamaku. Sometimes, I’m still nostalgic about my previous life, but the people I met in this school have done wonders in making me happy, and I won’t ever thank them enough for that.

………………………………………………………….

The afternoon lessons are as uneventful as the morning ones were, and I can’t repress a yawn while taking notes. The desire to do something else doesn’t help me focus during this math lesson. In college, I will finally get rid of this subject, but for now, I must grit my teeth and be patient. My neighbor doesn’t even take notes and dozes on the table with her head between her arms.

The beautiful weather doesn’t help us focus at all, making the teacher understand that it would be useless to teach us anything else. Instead, she gives us a list of exercises to do for the next lesson, and for the last ten minutes, we can do whatever we want, while remaining quiet. I pull a book from my bag, and I resume reading where I stopped it last time, five or six chapters before the end.

But the scribbling sound doesn’t stop; some students probably getting ahead with homework. I’ll do my homework after dinner, it’s a new habit I took some time ago, and I don’t think I would come back to what I used to do. And reading before doing my homework is a good way to have a good time. The last minutes pass too quickly for my taste, but I share the same sigh of relief as the others when the bell rings at the end of the class.

Strolling around the school gardens would not hurt, especially in such a beautiful weather. I could go outside the school as well, but I’m not in the mood for it today. Since I know Saki, I can count the number of times I went outside the school without her on the fingers of one hand. I don’t really like strolling around alone and being with someone reassures me. My heart acts up randomly, and if something happens, being with someone would help a lot.

Outside, a lot of students are heading towards the dorms or the school gate, but for once, I don’t follow the crowd. The summer heat always strikes me when I’m outside, but the summers here are more tolerable than at home, so I don’t complain. It could be worse, it could rain, and therefore, I wouldn’t go outside.

There’s a student who’s drawing under a tree, which catches my interest. Pretending to do something else, I head for this tree, sitting two meters away from him, giving me a good angle to see what he’s drawing without disturbing him. He’s drawing the school gardens with shades of grey, but with a lot of details, especially with shadows. I’m always fascinated when I see artists doing art, painters and drawers in particular. While he draws, I notice that his right hand, the one he draws with, is missing two fingers. It could be an obstacle for anyone, but it doesn’t seem to restrain him at all.

He even adds some students in his drawing, walking towards the dorm or the school gate, but with fewer details than the trees or the bushes. I really love and respect this kind of choice, particularly in drawing; it always adds an atmosphere I like, even if I can’t explain why. Explaining these things isn’t something I know how to do. If someone asks me why I love to play music, I wouldn’t be able to answer. I love to play music, I just can’t explain why.

I tried to learn to draw when I was younger, but it was an absolute mess. Since this day, I’m in awe when I see people who do beautiful draws or painting. From time to time, he adds details in some parts of his drawing, before adding more patterns of grass or bushes. He switches between new parts and parts he already did with ease, with no visible break, with a patience I wouldn’t have. Which can be seen as paradoxical since I have the patience to learn hard songs, or improve my technical playing.

I don’t know how long I stay here, quiet, just watching this student drawing, but I’m fascinated. A few minutes, maybe more, I don’t know; I lose track of time during moments like that, just like when I’m reading. From time to time, my mind is focusing on something else, but I come back to his drawing soon after. It’s pretty annoying to not being able to focus on things for a long time, even while doing things I love. Even when I play guitar, I need to take some breaks just to get my focus back.

“When did you start drawing?” I surprise myself breaking the silence, and it doesn’t seem to bother him.

“I started when I was around ten years old, so almost seven years. But I got serious about it four years ago, I think.” He answers without stopping to draw while talking to me.

“That’s pretty good, I have to say. I wanted to learn to draw back in the days, but it was a mess, so I gave up. And since that day, I never tried to draw again.”

“If you liked it, you should draw again. I think everyone can make good drawings, with practice. But you have to like to draw, forcing yourself would just make things worse.” He says, which makes sense, when I force myself to do anything, it never ends well.

“I don’t think I would have the patience to learn how to draw again. Starting something from scratch is quite difficult for me, even if I have someone to teach me.” I pause a bit, before telling him my thoughts about his work. “You’re talented, it’s undeniable, and I think you should do something into arts for a living.” I’m honest, when I see someone who’s talented, I can’t help but saying what I think.

He thanks me with a smile, and he comes back to his drawing. I stay for a few more minutes before heading back to the dorm; I have a book to finish.

……………………………………….

My stomach’s growling, which makes sense since it is seven o’clock. I just hope that everyone won’t go to the cafeteria simultaneously, otherwise it will be extremely long just to take my meal or to find an empty table. On my way, my fear seems to have been realized, because a lot of students head towards the cafeteria. I should have left my room earlier, but what’s done is done.

Seeing the long queue in front of me, I sigh. It will be long, but I got used to it over time. The queue slowly moves, and in the meantime, I wonder what I’ll eat. I don’t feel like eating fish tonight, a bit of meat would be a pleasant change, for once. Yeah, some meat with greens would be a good meal and change. I will eat more than usual, given how much I’m hungry right now, but it’s no big deal.

While I’m deep in thoughts, someone pinches my ribs, which makes me jump, and makes my heart pounding for a while. As I turn to face the culprit, I hear a voice that I could recognize in a thousand.

“So, miss Yamamoto, we’re eating alone, tonight?” Saki giggles, standing beside me.

“Miss Enomoto, don’t you know that pinching someone’s ribs is extremely rude?” After some deep breathing exercises, my heart finally calms down. “Sweetie, try to avoid to do that, please.” I say calmly, without blaming her at all. Even when I do nothing, I feel my heartbeats, I’m constantly aware of the shape of my heart, which makes the flutters even worse to me.

“I’m sorry, sweetie…”

Her hangdog look makes me smile, I take her in my arms, kissing her forehead. “It’s fine, Saki, it’s fine. Just, try to avoid to surprise me like that.” I sigh, gently petting her hair. “If you want to eat with me, it would be my pleasure.” I say, smiling and kissing her forehead once again.

My hand resting on her shoulder, we wait for our turn, while I wonder how I’m going to say what I want to say to her. I’m more looking for a way that doesn’t seem dumb at all rather than a fancy way to say things. It’s quite long, so I have plenty of time to think about it. It takes nearly ten minutes before we can take our meals and search for an empty table, which is much more difficult than usual given how many students came before us.

Our meal starts in a quiet atmosphere, but I quickly decide to break the silence, finally finding how I want to say things. “Sis?”

“Oh, you, you want to say something, don’t you?” She giggles, and she’s right. Usually, I call her sweetie, but sis has a stronger meaning to me. I rarely use it, only when I want to express my love for her or to confess something, like now.

“Yeah… I was eating lunch with Lilly and Hanako, as usual, and before the end of the lunch break, Lilly asked me if she could feel my face, to see how I look like. You know, I was a bit surprised, but I mean, it’s her only way to know how I look like, so I said yes.” I say, eating a piece of meat between each sentence.

“Yeah, a normal way for a blind girl to see how her friends look like. But don’t tell me that’s all.” She pouts, faking a disappointed expression.

“Nah.” I say, my mouth full of vegetables. “The thing is, I didn’t expect what she told me.” Given her curious expression, she wants me to carry on. “She thinks that I’m pretty, and she literally said that she doesn’t understand why I’m still single.” I confess, drinking a bit of water.

Saki drops her piece of meat, looking at me as if I told her that someone murdered some kid’s kitten. “Wait, she told that out of the blue?”

“Yeah, it caught me off-guard, and that’s not all. I don’t know how to understand her expression when she asked me if I had my eyes on someone.” I add, as lost she is right now.

“Wait a second, what if she’s really into you?” She suggests with a serious tone and expression.

I nearly choke with a piece of meat when she says that, looking at her as if she just told me that my mother wasn’t my mother. How can she be sure about that? If it was the case, I would’ve noticed it. “Oh, come on, sweetie. I think I would’ve noticed it if it was the case.”

“Let me get this straight, sweetie. One of the prettiest girls in this school tells you she thinks you’re pretty, she even asks you if you’re attracted to someone, and you think that she’s not into you, after that? What else do you need? A neon sign saying “I’m interested”?” She summarizes with a smirk at the end, taunting me with her expression.

For a moment, I remain quiet, not knowing if Saki is making fun of me or if she’s serious when she says that to me. Yet she knows quite well I have no confidence in myself on this matter, which explains why I don’t take such things seriously. “If so, why only now? It makes no sense.”

“Maybe because she never felt your face before, you dummy?” She sighs, shaking her head to express her disapproval. “She couldn’t tell you this before. Seriously, you’re not using your brain sometimes, sweetie.” We stay quiet for a bit, eating our meals, before she breaks the silence between us. “Given how much it troubles you, it means you’re into her too, aren’t you?” She asks, with the same smirk she had a few minutes before.

She’s actually right, I can’t even deny that fact. “It would be a lie if I tell you I don’t find her attractive or I’m not interested in her.” I confess, which does not surprise her at all. I quietly finish my meal, drinking a large glass of water as I usually do when I’m done eating. “This must be the case for some students too; it would surprise me if nobody had their eyes on her.” I add, as if I was trying to justify myself when it wasn’t needed.

“We don’t care about the others, sweetie, we’re talking about you. She said that to you, I don’t care if she said that to anyone else. She didn’t say that by accident, for me, so there’s a chance for you. And I forbid you to screw it up.” She claims, looking at me with a serious look, much more serious than before.

Now, I’m under pressure, because I don’t want to disappoint her in any way. This whole situation confuses me, even if the hypothesis that someone is into me pleases me. The only way to find if it’s true would be to ask her, but I don’t feel it, asking for such things feels so out of place. “Oh, by the way, do you have any plans for tomorrow?” A sudden change of topic is welcome for me. “I start my history support classes for the first years, so I don’t think I would be there, or maybe later.”

“Rika asked me if I could go with her for some grocery shopping, so I won’t be there too, or maybe later, just like you.” Saki answers, which doesn’t surprise me at all. Rika needs her just as much as I do, and I’m glad that Saki has a social life besides me.

“Give her a big hug for me.”

On our way back to the dorm, she tells me about her day, and how bored she was during her math lesson. Two peas in a pod. She doesn’t like history as much as I do, but I still love her. In front of her door, we’re talking a bit more about our day before she hugs me tightly. A kiss on the forehead later, I’m heading towards my room.

Sitting on my bed, I wonder if Saki is right about what she said. I really want to know if Lilly was serious about it, or if she was only playful. I’m attracted to her, that’s a fact, but I don’t know how to tell her the truth, or even if telling her the truth is a good idea. Maybe I’ll tell her the truth soon, I have nothing to lose. If it’s a success, I would be extremely happy, if it’s a failure, well that’s how it is.

I just hope that Lilly won’t take it badly if I tell her. There’s no reason for it, would say Saki, but I’m kinda afraid. And when I’m afraid, I don’t think rationally. But if I don’t try, I wouldn’t know if it was the truth or not. Laying down on my bed to read a book, I sigh. I’m both excited and panicked about it, and I turn things in my head to find what I should do. Oh dear, I hope I won’t screw things up.

[Razoredge]

History huddle

For the first time this year, I wake up in a state of panic for something other than a storm. This afternoon, I’ll have to start tutoring the first-year students with history. For someone who fears responsibilities like me, it requires a lot of efforts to do such a thing. But I promised to help them, and sharing my knowledge about history is a thing I love. I just hope I won’t bore them or that I won’t screw it up.

Heading towards the swimming pool, I ask myself a lot of questions. Today, I’ll just ask them what they are studying right now, if they are aware of their shortcomings and what they are, and what they want me to do to help them. Depending on their answers, I’ll make mini lessons for them, exercises, and evaluations later in the year. It should work, but I’m always afraid to screw things up.

Swimming should free my mind of all those bad thoughts. Even if I didn’t like it before, I learned to enjoy swimming and it allows me to clear my mind, so it’s all good. After putting on my swimming suit, I stand a few seconds on the diving board before diving. The water is colder than usual today, but it could be worse. There is a little lake a few kilometers away from my house, and the water there is a lot colder, but it’s still enjoyable during the summer heat.

Swimming casually is a lot better than I would have expected a few weeks ago. Sometimes, bad things happen for the best, even if it hurts at the moment. I don’t think about swimming fast anymore, and if I speed up my pace, my pounding heart is a reminder of my condition, and I slow down. Being constantly aware of your heartbeats helps you to know when you’re pushing yourself too much and that you need to stop. But when you’re as stubborn as I am, this warning isn’t enough sometimes.

Swimming a few laps, I’m finally able to think about something else. It will be time to worry about it later in the afternoon. For now, I just have to focus on avoiding being underwater for a long time and to breathe correctly. If I don’t follow Nurse’s instructions, he would be really pissed, and I don’t want him to be mad at me.

After swimming for a few minutes, the water eventually feels good, and my body stops shivering. A few years ago, if someone told me that swimming that early in the morning wouldn’t bother me, I would have laughed at them. If the water was hotter, it would be better, but I can’t be picky. Feeling my body suspended in the water is already a very pleasant sensation. It reminds me of how relaxing a bath is, and how it allowed me to clear my mind when I was worried.

If Nurse asked me to run or do another sport for the sake of my heart, I think I wouldn’t have accepted that easily. Since I had my heart attack, the idea of running makes me really uncomfortable, and I’m avoiding it like the plague. But if Saki had a problem, I would totally run to help her, and my heart would be the least of my concerns. I swim at an average pace, trying not to tire myself.

During this session, I take a few breaks, speaking with some of my swimming mates, asking them how they are doing in school and in their lives. Keeping a good relationship with them is important for me, as it is with all the people I spend time with. It was hard not to focus on their disabilities when I came to Yamaku, but they were very understanding and they didn’t judge me too harshly. For many of them, they lived with their disabilities for many years, but when I came, it was very fresh to me, and it took me more than a year to deal with my condition. To this day, I still struggle with my condition sometimes, but there are wonderful people around me that help me with this situation.

I swim for fifteen more minutes, as I’m trying to swim at least half an hour a day. A bit more or less won’t harm; it’s not a big deal if I’m not precise on that matter. I deserve a hot shower, but it doesn’t last long because I’m starving. Saki is probably awake right now; having breakfast with her would be a great way to start the day.

…………………………………………

Heading towards Saki’s room is a lot more difficult than I thought; a lot of students are going to the bathrooms or to the cafeteria, and that forces me to elbow my way through the busy hallway. Classes will only start in an hour; we have time for a good breakfast, and we won’t even have to hurry to go to class. While I’m trying to head for her room, somebody hits me with enough force to cut off my breath in the instant.

Thus begins the long seconds when my pounding heart will try to return to its normal state, as normal as it could be, since it beats faster than normal. The culprit is in front of me, with her fine cherry earrings, piercing brown eyes and light brown hair, looking at me, panicked, as if I was dying in front of her. Even in these moments, it’s a blessing Saki doesn’t think about taking off her earrings or do her hair differently; it helps me a lot to recognize her.

“Sweetie, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…” she apologizes, hugging me while I’m still sitting against the wall.

My heart is finally calming itself, and I get up with a little grunt of pain. “Sweetie, seriously, I know you’re tired, but can you at least look where you’re going?” I answer in a calm tone to make sure she understands I’m not mad at her. When she has just woken up, Saki doesn’t pay attention to what she’s doing, and sometimes, she hits people in the hallway; but thankfully, it’s never a big deal. “That being said, would you like to have breakfast with me?”

This obvious question makes her chuckle, poking my ribs while answering. “You already know the answer, and it’s a big yes.”

She takes my arm, but we’re waiting a bit to have more room to maneuver; sometimes she needs some extra space to walk, since her condition could impact her movements differently over time. While the hallway is slowly emptying, doubt corrodes me inside once again. I’m not sure I’m the most qualified for this; there are probably many students who would be better tutors than me. Loving a subject doesn’t give you skills, and I’ll have to prove to them I would be a good tutor, which will require patience and self-discipline, although patience is not my strength.

Heading towards the cafeteria, I try to match Saki’s pace as much as I can, which isn’t so easy since she’s smaller than me, and her natural walking pace is slower than mine. However, this is just a habit to get into, and I prefer to walk slower, even if I don’t like that, to help her. On the way, she tells me about the nightmare she had last night. She was underwater, in the dark, alone and lost in the middle of the ocean, and the only thing she could feel while she was drowning was a massive presence behind her. When she turned over, the last thing she saw before fainting were two big red eyes, and the glow of long, sharped teeth.

Saki isn’t afraid to be underwater for a long time, so, as she said, it’s not a scary nightmare, except for the water monster, but I don’t like to be underwater for a long time, because of my condition. And if I had that nightmare, I’m pretty sure I would have woken up with a start, with my heart pounding, which wouldn’t be a good thing for me in the long run. That being said, she slept less last night because of that; this could explain why I have the impression she walks even slower than usual.

We take longer to go to the cafeteria, and seeing the long queue that awaits us, I let out a long cry of despair, which makes Saki chuckles. “You know, sweetie, you could have come without me; it’s not a big deal.”

“Of course, I would totally leave my best friend to fend for herself in this mess; what a good friend I would be.” I snigger, patting her head at the same time.

“I’d have to get by on my own when I’ll go to college, you know?” She answers, closing her eyes as I’m petting her hair.

“By the way, do you think you’ll be accepted in Tokyo? Between the two of us, the one who will surely be accepted, it’s you.” I don’t denigrate myself; I’m aware she’s more serious about her studies than me, and she has more chances to be accepted at a great college than me.

“It’s coming along nicely for now; nothing is decided yet but if I carry on that way, I’ll probably go to Tokyo next year.” She says, being proud of herself. She can be proud, because she’s working really hard to succeed in her studies, and I know she would be a great pediatrician. “If you work hard, you can do it, too, sweetie; I believe in you.”

“You know I don’t have the same attention span as you, and I don’t think I would get a place in a good university with my current grades.” I have to be lucid; I don’t have the same chances as her, and I know that. However, if I work really hard, I could at least have a decent place somewhere.

“By the way, how are you doing with Lilly?”

“What do you mean?” I ask, genuinely surprised by her question.

“Oh, come on, you still haven’t told her you’re interested in her?” She chuckles, looking at me as if I did an unforgivable mistake.

I don’t know what to answer or to think, and I’m not sure any of my answers would convince her. The queue moves slowly but surely, but I’m so hungry that it seems it takes forever. For many long seconds, I stay quiet, but when I see her smug expression, I have to give her an answer. “I told you, I would lie if I said I wouldn’t enjoy spending more time with her, but it’s a common thing when you like someone.” Judging by her expression, she’s not convinced at all.

“You’re blushing. Do you think you would blush when I talk about her if you only wanted to stay her friend?” She says, with a quizzing look.

“I… I don’t know, sweetie… I don’t know what to think about it. Yes, I do like her, she’s pretty, she’s kind to me, when I spend time with her, I’m thrilled, I like to be with her, but I don’t know what to think about it…” When I think about it, I’m lost, I don’t know what to do or even what to think. But Saki can’t do anything for me; it’s a situation I have to deal with by myself. But for that, I need to know how I really feel about it, and it’s difficult to put my finger on it.

When it’s finally our turn, Saki doesn’t take a long time to decide what she wants to eat, a bowl of rice with some fish aside and an egg. I take a bowl of soup, some vegetables and two eggs, which is more than usual but I’m quite hungry this morning. “Sweetie, would you mind carrying my tray, please? My hands are stiff today…” She sighs, but it doesn’t need an answer; I put all her stuff on my tray and her empty tray under mine, taking a fork for her, just in case. While we are looking for an empty table, she nudges me and doesn’t give me time to ask what’s going on. “I see your future girlfriend over there.” She says, trying to be as serious as possible.

“Where?” That simple exclamation was way louder than I wanted it to be, and while she’s trying her best not to burst into laughter, I’m actually trying to spot where Lilly is, in this crowded cafeteria. A tall girl with long blond hair stands out from the rest of the group, sitting next to her dark purple haired friend. Lilly’s features would be easy to recognize for almost everyone here, but for me, it often takes some time to remember it, especially in crowded areas. Of course, she’s associated with her hair, her eyes, her cane in my mind, but sometimes, and I don’t know why, my memories are slow to come back.

Saki passes in front of me and lead us towards Lilly and Hanako, walking slowly and using her cane for almost every step she does. I feel useless when I can’t help her, even during these moments when I carry something for her. I know she would never blame me for such a thing, but I want to do my best every time for her, and it’s quite painful to see that I’m unable to do certain things sometimes.

“Hi Lilly, hi Hanako. Would you mind if we join you?” Saki asks with a bright smile, even if Lilly can’t notice it.

“Good morning, Saki. Feel free to take a seat. I guess Kaori is here with you.” She answers, smiling with her eyes closed.

“Yeah, hi Lilly, hi Hanako, it’s nice to see you early in the morning.” Hanako doesn’t answer orally, but she nods her head with a shy smile as a greeting.

“Occasionally, Hanako wakes up earlier and we have breakfast earlier than usual. It looks like it’s your lucky day.” Lilly banters, making us chuckle. She’s not wrong, though; I’m really pleased when I spend time with them, and it’s even better if Saki is around.

We take a seat, and we quietly begin to eat our breakfast before Saki breaks the silence, sniffing my neck, which surprises me in the moment. “Did you change your shower gel recently? I don’t think you ever used this one; it smells really nice.”

I look at her wide-eyed, because she never did such a thing. Sometimes, Saki still surprises me with her behavior, mostly in the good way, with some misconducts sometimes, but I can’t judge her; I’m worse than her on that matter. After a few seconds, I’m able to answer her, after my shock has worn off. “Yeah, I finally found my mother’s shower gel in a store. It allows me to have a piece of her with me every day.” I sigh before taking a gulp of my soup.

“You really miss your family, don’t you?” Lilly asks, putting her teacup in her saucer.

“Let’s say a part of my family is here with me, since I must watch over my little sister.” I pat Saki’s head, which makes Hanako smile. “I guess it’s the same for you.”

Lilly doesn’t answer immediately, as if she was trying to figure out how to answer it. Once again, I think I did a faux pas, but she eventually comes with an answer, which is a relief. “I miss my sister; we used to live together before, but her work took her a lot of time, and I had to move to the dorms, because she was less and less there to take care of me. But I cannot blame her; as the president’s daughter, she has to work harder than the other employees.” She answers with a quiet sigh; I won’t ask her about her parents to respect her will not to elaborate further.

I can only imagine what happened with her parents, since she doesn’t want to talk about that, but I’m sad for her; family is an important thing, and families should never be torn apart. It may be a naive thing to say, but my family is extremely important to me, and it would be a devastating thing for me if something bad happens between us. Our meal goes on quietly before Saki wants to break the silence once again. “By the way, are you ready for this afternoon? Did you plan something for them?”

“I’m nervous… Today, I’ll just ask them what they are currently studying, give them some tips on how to study, and I will also answer their questions if they have any. My tutoring will actually be next week, because I need to know what they are studying.” Finishing my bowl of soup, I take a break before sighing again, louder than before. “I’m completely stressed out; I don’t even know if I’ll be able to talk to them without embarrassing myself.” Conflicting feelings assail me; I do want to help these kids, but at the same time, I’m terrified to talk in front of them and taking on responsibilities. This is my biggest weakness, and I really need to work on myself if I ever want to become a teacher.

“Don’t worry about it; I’m sure you’ll do great. It is noble of you to help them with their studies, even if you fear this responsibility. A person who relishes some subject would be a better tutor than anyone else.” Lilly cheers, while Saki nods to add more weight to her words. I know they are trying to cheer me up, but I still think I’m not the best person to do this task, even if I’ll help them as much as I can. “Furthermore, Kaori, would you agree to help me with my history revision, because we have a test soon?” She asks, patting her lips with a napkin twice, with evenly timed intervals in between.

She had just asked the equivalent of Saki asking me if I would like to spend my afternoon with her in the city. How could I refuse such a proposal, especially when it’s Lilly who asks this question? “Of course I’m agree, I would help you as much as you want.” I take a break between the parts of my sentence to take a bite of my eggs. “Do you have a date in mind?” I ask, hoping that she doesn’t say today; the mental load would be too much for a single day.

“How about tomorrow, after school?” I breathe a sigh of relief, which makes her laugh. “I don’t think it would be a good idea to ask you if you can help me today, especially after helping first-year students.”

“Yeah, I can definitely do that tomorrow if you want to. Sorry if I can’t do that today; the sheer idea of talking in front of other students who count on me to make progress is scary enough as it is. Where do you want me to meet you?” I ask, rejecting the library; it’s a great place to revise on your own, but if you want to help a friend, it’s better to go somewhere else. To finish my meal faster, which isn’t a good idea at all, I take bigger bites. Saki notices it and gives me a nudge, but it’s a stupid habit I can’t get rid of.

“The student council room would be empty, so we wouldn’t be disturbed.” Her voice tone is serious, but I nearly choked; this sentence seemed to be too tendentious for me. Spending time with her in a private space isn’t something that would bother me; her company makes me feel good. But I don’t know what she has in mind, and this part of mystery is interesting, even if it would be better to know what she really wants to do.

“Spending time with a beautiful girl in a private space, of course I’m in!” I’m chugging a large glass of water, trying not to choke to death in front of everyone. “You have something on your mind, don’t you?” I ask with a playful tone. I can see a smirk on her lips; it seems to want to play this little game with me.

“I may have an idea in mind, indeed, and so are you, I guess.” I don’t answer because I really need to finish my meal, which gives her the opportunity to elaborate if she wants to. “That said, thank you for accepting my request; I’ll find a way to thank you for that later.” As vague as I expected, and I can’t help but think about what she could do for me as thanks for the help. I need nothing; I would help her simply because I want to; my friends' satisfaction is a great reward.

Our breakfast goes on peacefully, and we are eventually going to class together, chatting happily. There are worse ways to spend a morning; it lightened my mind, even if I will panic when the fateful hour will come. The first session will be the most difficult, but I’ll get used to it, and things will run more smoothly later, I hope. If it’s not the case, I could count on my friends to help me. And I’ll never thank them enough for that.

……………………………………………………………

The morning classes were uneventful, except for a group work for the English class. My neighbor had a great idea when she suggested we should work with Hanako, and this time, we were faster than this tanned girl with a missing hand. I don’t know why, but we are, with this girl, the only persons that offer Hanako to work in groups, maybe it’s because of her shyness, I don’t know, but she’s a sweet girl when you take your time with her.

However, Hanako pleasantly surprised me; she was taking part, and she asked questions to understand what she was supposed to do, and I tried my best to answer them, with my limited knowledge. Of course, we worked a bit more than she did, but she has shown some interest, and she tried her best. It seems she became used to my presence, and doesn’t see me as a menace anymore, but I could be wrong. If she finally feels comfortable in my presence, it’s all that matters. I don’t know if she trusts me or not, but as long as she’s not afraid when I’m around, I can’t ask for anything more.

Around noon, it’s really getting hot; half of the students are slumped on their chairs, complaining about the heat, and are only waiting for the lunch break. To be fair, I’m one of them; I’m hungry, I’m hot, and the only thing I want is to leave this classroom; I can’t focus anymore. It’s not like I could focus for long periods of time, anyway. The last minutes are the longest, but fortunately for us, the teacher understands it’s useless to teach us anything under such circumstances. When the lunch bell rings, everyone shares the same sigh of satisfaction, which doesn’t really seem to be a problem for the teacher.

On my way to the cafeteria, I join Saki, who seems quite self-satisfied. It turns out that she had a pop quiz in Japanese, but she believes she answered most of the questions correctly, even if she had to take all the time allocated for the test because of her stiff hands. Saki is aware of her strengths, but also of her shortcomings, especially in English, such as me, even if she’s better on that side than me. Her grades are great, I’m not worried about it, she will graduate with flying colors, unlike me. Objectively, she’s quick on the uptake, a part of her that has always fascinated me.

Once in the cafeteria, our meal is surprisingly quiet compared to this morning, but I won’t complain. From time to time, Saki says nothing when she’s with me, but we don’t have to say something to spend a good time together. Her presence is all I need; nothing can soothe me as she can, and her sheer presence is enough to brighten up my day. She breaks the silence from time to time to ask when how my morning went or for our ordinary conversation topics while we eat. It’s not very good, so our little chat is a good distraction to try to forget the bland taste of the food.

However, near the end of the meal, she drops her glass several times, but when I offer my help, she gently declines, stating that she wants to deal with it herself. Saki has trouble accepting help from others, a bit less when I offer her my help, but her pride is stronger than anything else, and she doesn’t want to be seen as weak. Sooner or later, she will be forced to accept help from others, but I already know it will be really painful for her.

Apart from these minor incidents, our meal was uneventful, as far as a bland meal can be. She acts like she always does, as if nothing happened. Even if she’s my best friend, I don’t know if it’s a part of her pride, or if she acts like that to forget about such things as quickly as possible. However, even if she talks to me about such things from time to time, I know it would be useless to do it now, so I will avoid the subject.

I wish I had spent more time with her, but we have to go back to class. Which means only a few hours before my tutoring starts, which makes me panic once again. At times like this, I really wonder if I made the right choice, but they rely on me, and I can’t let them down. I’m afraid of responsibilities, but I love history; I love to talk about history, and if I can share my passion, it’s all that matters. I’ll just have to get used to the idea that I’ll be responsible for the progress of several students; it will take some time, it will be difficult, but it will be an enriching experience.

What could have been a decent afternoon turns into a nightmare when the maths teacher gives us graded exercises to do. Almost everyone, including me, looks dejected, except that dark blue-haired girl, whose face beams with satisfaction. When I see the questions, I’m getting livid. A long problem, several equations, and a few operations. It would seem ridiculous to many people, but it’s enough to cause me some trouble. Another poor grade in sight, and it won’t be the last.

I grit my teeth and I try, while taking my time, to answer as many questions as possible. I need to show to the teacher that I’m trying to progress, that I intend to fill gaps in this subject. Even if my answers are not correct or partially correct, my duty is to show that I want to get out of these shortcomings, and trying to answer as many questions as possible is a good way to do that for me.

From time to time, I look around me, and luckily, I’m not the one who looks the most desperate. I won’t be the only the only one who’ll get a poor grade, which is a good thing for me, but not for them, unfortunately. I’m running out of time to finish my exercises, but when the teacher picks up our exercises, the class shares a collective sigh of relief. Until next time, we’re finally free from this torment, but we also have to prepare ourselves, because the teacher will give us an earful for sure.

Compared to a maths test, a lecture is a wonderful thing, even about the most boring subject I can even think of. Luckily for me, we don’t have any sciences lectures this afternoon. I don’t think I would have been able to survive a maths test and an afternoon full of scientific lectures, even with the most passionate teacher possible. My neighbor shows signs of tiredness, and so am I, but much less than her. I don’t know what she’ll do after classes, maybe she’ll do something even more tiring than me. But I think she would have told me if she was involved in something like tutoring.

The rest of the afternoon lessons are uneventful, even if I doze from time to time. I should feel bad about it, since it’s never a mark of respect to sleep during a course, but for some reasons, this day sucked my energy. As time passes, I am getting dangerously close to the fateful hour, my stomach is getting tight, and the knowledge that they are counting on me makes things even worse.

Near the end of the afternoon, I don’t even follow the rest of the lesson, panic preventing me from focusing. I can’t count on my neighbor to write some notes for me; her mind has left this world after the maths test. When I look around me, I’m not the only one who stomps with impatience to leave this classroom. When the ring bells, the teacher quickly gives us some homework to do, and we’re finally free. While the other students head to the dorms or outside for some free time, I’m heading to the first floor, a floor where I haven’t been in a long time.

I take my time, because the halls are crowded, and it allows me to reassure myself a bit. I know I have a lot of responsibilities concerning these students, but in a way, it’s better to begin with tutoring with students who are counting on you to help them with their shortcomings than beginning with younger students, because, for them, the quality of education is much more important.

The closer I get to the spare room we will use from now on, the more my stomach tightens painfully. But I can’t turn away; I have to honor my promise, and I don’t want to be seen as a girl that doesn’t respect what she said. I don’t know if I will be able to be a good tutor for them, but I will do my best, and happen what may.

A dozen of students are waiting in front of the room, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I would have thought they would be more than that; they are only twelve, which is an excellent thing for me. Taking a deep breath, I invite them to come in. Everything will be fine, Kaori, they are here to learn things, you’re going to help them, everything will be okay. While they take a sit, I wonder if all the first-year students who have shortcomings in history are here, or if they only represent a part and the other ones were too afraid to be judged to come.

Taking another deep breath, I make the first move; I can’t stay silent if I want to teach them new things. “Hello everyone, I’m Kaori Yamamoto; I will be your history tutor for this school year. The first thing I will ask you to do is to write your name on a folded piece of paper, and please, remember to bring it to every tutoring lesson. I have prosopagnosia, so please forgive me if I don’t remember your name or who you are as fast as others do.” Slowly talking at the beginning, it takes me some effort to talk faster and, above all, a bit louder.

They don’t ask me anything about it, which is probably a way to respect my privacy, and if it’s the case, I thank them for that. When everyone wrote their names on their sheets of paper, the actual tutoring can begin. “So, tell me, what are you studying right now?… Yes, Naomi?” A girl with long dark hair raises spontaneously her hand.

“We’re currently studying the Meiji Era, and to be fair, I didn’t really understand the Sino-Japanese war. I don’t know what the others didn’t understand, though…” she says, in a low voice tone. I don’t know if it’s because she’s shy or if it has anything to do with her condition.

Kaiji, a boy with glasses and a missing hand, raises his arm. “Personally, I didn’t understand everything with the Convention of Kanagawa…” He adds, which confirms what I was thinking before. They need help to remember the dates, the causes and consequences of important events, which isn’t a shame. I don’t remember the most important mathematical formulas, so I won’t blame them if they are some trouble remembering things. Coming from me, it would be a real shame to blame them for such things.

The other students don’t really talk, or barely, but, again, I can’t blame them. It’s their first tutoring lessons, they are not used to it, and maybe, they don’t want to say in front of their classmates that they have shortcomings. Pride makes you do certain things, and it’s quite hard to stop certain habits, even with your hardest efforts. I’m here to help them make progress in history, not to judge them.

Another deep breath, and we can begin with serious business. “As you know, our history was divided into several eras. The Meiji era took place between 1868 and 1912. Before this era, our country was forced to open up to the West, while we were under the Sakoku, our isolationist policy, since 1603. During this period, our relationships with the rest of the world were severely limited; it almost banned foreigners from coming to Japan and it was really difficult for Japanese people to leave the country. Tokugawa Iemitsu was the shogun that took this decision during the Edo era, starting with crucifying and deporting Christians and closing the country’s borders.” I explain, writing every important thing on a blackboard. I try to speak as clear as possible and not too fast, to allow them to take notes and to understand what I say.

Someone raises her hand, and I immediately give her the floor. “But why did he do that?” Mariko asks, which is an excellent question.

“I don’t know what were his personal reasons, but during the Sakoku, our country wanted to protect itself from being used by Occidental countries for its resources. But they saw the Christian presence as a threat to the country, and they forced Japanese people to turn to other religions. Some Occidental countries tried to break the Sakoku several times, but it didn’t work until 1853. I don’t know what were his personal reasons to do that, but as a Shogun, I guess he did what he thought was right for the country.” I answer, trying my best to remain neutral and objective, which is a really difficult thing when you talk about your country’s history.

“In 1853, Matthew Perry, an American commodore, was able to break the Sakoku policy, and he forced our country to open up to foreign nations. Which leads us to the Convention of Kanagawa, one year later. As you probably know, it’s one of the unequal treaties that the Western nations forced us to sign. With this treaty, American ships were allowed to drop anchors in some of our ports; we had to give them trade advantages, or to open an American consulate. Signing this treaty was a sign of weakness for many people. Many Japanese people saw our isolationist policy as a powerful decision, and this treaty opened the way to more unequal treaties.” They take almost everything in note, which forces me to speak slower, to give them enough time to do so.

“Is it related to colonization?” Mariko asks again.

“Yes, it is. Western nations have colonized a vast part of the world, for cultural but also economic reasons. The more countries they had colonized, the more powerful they were against the other colonial powers. The United States, for a long time, had the idea of Manifest Destiny. It’s an ideology that says God has given the United States a mission to spread civilization and democracy. For them, Japan was a country that didn’t know what civilization meant, and it was natural for them to attack us to force us to open to the civilization. But we also had the role of a commercial base between the United States and China. But if you have to remember only one thing, just remember that USA had a colonization policy, and used Japan for economic purposes and to answer to their Manifest Destiny ideology.” I explain, trying so hard to remain neutral. To be fair, I really don’t like what happened during this part of our country’s history, but it’s not my role to give them my opinion.

I don’t show it, but I’m not serene; my mind yells at me to run away as fast as possible, because it knows I will lose my focus soon. Even if I like to share my knowledge or to help people, concentration is still my weakest point. When I’ll be a teacher, blaming the students for their lack of focus would be uncalled for, even if our educational system would not tolerate such behaviors in the long run.

“Do you have other questions on this point? If you want to, we will do a full course on this subject; I can’t do it right now, because I have to prepare something. But we can do it next time if you want to.” Preparing my lessons for them is the least I can do to help them, and it would also be a good practice for my potential future career.

Even if I give them some time, nobody asks anything, which allows me to start the second topic, the Sino-Japanese war, which could be another full course if they want to.

“So, for the first Sino-Japanese war, you have to remember that Japan before the war, thanks to or because of the West’s forced opening, became a modern country with a powerful economy and a modern and powerful army. China, however, was still a country with rural economy. The whole point was the control of Korea, which was, during this era, under China’s control, and Japan saw China’s control on Korea as catastrophic for the peninsula. Japan used the pretext of China’s intervention in Korea to subdue a peasant revolt to declare war on China.”

“Why did we use this pretext to declare war on China?” Azuka asked while I was writing some things on the blackboard.

“The reason is pretty simple. The West force modernized our country, and we progressively saw ourselves as superior to China and Korea. We forced Korea to open to us, and the West did the same a few years later. However, Korean people didn’t see outsiders as a good thing, and a popular uprising began, forcing China to intervene. We wanted to control Korea, and we saw China’s intervention as the perfect excuse to declare war.” I try to be as neutral as possible, but with such a subject, it’s really hard.

Time goes by, and I realize I don’t have the time to go into details for each question they are asking. It’s not a lack of will; I would like to talk about history with them for hours, but I can’t keep them with me for too long. However, I just hope that I will be useful to them, and that they will like history as much as I do.

A few minutes before the end, I ask them if they want a lesson on a specific subject. Most of them ask for a lesson about the Sino-Japanese War and the Convention of Kanagawa, which is understandable, even if I wish I could talk about it in greater detail.

When they leave, they thank me, one by one, for the help I’ll provide. They don’t need to thank me, I just like to share my knowledge with those who need it.

When I’m alone, I breathe a sigh of relief. If I want to be a teacher, I must be comfortable talking in front of other people, and tutoring would be a good training. But, with my attention span, talking for a straight hour is really difficult, and I need to make significant efforts to be intelligible.

I’m heading towards the dorms; I still have some time before dinner, and there’s nothing better than reading a book before dinner. There are many things I need to say to Saki about this first tutoring session, and I’m sure she will give me some tips to improve my tutoring skills. She always gives good pieces of advice, even on subjects I master, which makes me wonder why she never wanted to be a teacher.

But for now, time to read a bit. I’ll start making my lessons for them this weekend; I’m not in the mood for that now. If I start now, I already know it would be an awful work, and I can’t afford to teach them poorly prepared lessons, it would be a personal failure. They deserve the best, since they asked me to help them, and I can’t disappoint them.

Taking some time for myself would probably help to put myself in the right mood, but I don’t want to rush things. The time will come; I don’t have to worry about it. I won’t leave them in trouble; they’re counting on me, and I’ll lead them to success.

[Razoredge]

I hope you guys like the content I posted until recently. I'm currently rewriting some of the earliers chapters (did that for the first three chapters for now, and edited the posts on the forum related to these chapters) because I thought I don't like this old writing anymore, I tried to improve the writing because it was... fairly minimal to say the least. I also added a splashart for the first act, and I'll do the same for the following acts. It was a quick update, but I thought it would be a good thing to do.

[Sharp-O]

I like Kaori. Her thought process is unique and interesting in how it's portrayed but I'm wondering if that's partly due to English being your second language. I like her sisterly relationship with Saki and her condition is definitely unique and interesting for a fic that is primarily about hooking her up with the blind Lilly. There's a nice symmetry there. I will also always stan a tall queen.

Your writing definitely improves over the course of the chapters you've written thus far and while I wasn't super-invested, it wasn't bad at all. I think I felt a little of what Mirage and Feurox were feeling where a portion of the early chapters felt meandering and didn't really serve a purpose. Establishing her routine is great but it got a tad excessive.

Solid interactions, interesting narration style, and I am curious at how Kaori will woo Lilly when compared to VN Hisao (or my own Myth Molly) so I hope you continue this in the future. I'm gonna check out your other works in the meantime and look forward to seeing more of your work, Razor!

[Razoredge]

Twist of tongues

Some days seem to last longer than others without apparent reason and this was certainly one of them. Maybe it was because of the math, science, and English lessons but I feel more exhausted than usual, and I can’t skip my English private tuition with Lilly. It was really nice of her to accept and give me some pronunciation practice when I asked for it this morning. We’ll have an oral test soon so I need to put all the odds on my side.

That being said; taking private English tuition after an exhausting day wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had, but it’s not the right time to complain. And to be fair, spending some time with her alone would be a nice thing.

The morning weather was enjoyable, but it’s been raining since noon and we might be in for a storm. As long as I stay inside, it should be fine. I don’t really want to go outside in such weather, anyway. That’s why I hate summer here; Tohoku’s summer is way hotter but at least it doesn’t rain that much, and storms are pretty rare.

As soon as I leave the class room, the new guy pops in front of me with an air of satisfaction on his face. It still takes me a few seconds, and a lot of effort, before I’m able to remember his name.

“…. Na… Nakai? What are you doing here? Everyone has left.”

“I could ask you the same thing. Anyway; our resident overseer wants the girls’ overseer to come to an important meeting this evening and, since we’re classmates, I thought you’d warn her about it?” He simply says, not knowing what this might involve.

“You… You’re really asking me, one of this dorm’s troublemakers, to warn Death Herself that she needs to go to a meeting this evening? Do you want me dead or what, Nakai?” I may overact a bit, but Sumire scares me. She doesn’t like me that much since I sometimes break curfew when I spend time with Saki.

“Aren’t you overreacting a little? I’m pretty sure she’s kinda chill.”

“You don’t know what she is like, Nakai. I’ll do it… But don’t be surprised if I’m not here tomorrow morning.” I’m definitely overreacting, but if he knew her like I do…

He thanks me and leaves, probably heading towards the dorm or some other destination of his choice. Great! Now I have to deal with two of my worst fears: a potential storm and my resident overseer! Thank you Nakai, that really wasn’t what I needed today.

Maybe today’s a good day, and everything will be fine… But knowing her, she’ll yell at me before I’m able to get to what Hisao told me to say.

But right now, I just want to focus on something else, and spending some time with Lilly is a nice thing. That being said, I feel sorry for her, since my accent is dreadful, and it’ll probably sound like her second language is being slaughtered. I guess it’s too late to back out now, though.

As expected, the hallway is completely empty, rain being the only thing that can be heard aside from the sound of my footsteps. Calm after a long school day is always something I cherish, even when I was with my friends, who’d rather be having fun right after school. I always need some time to breathe after school, even before doing something fun, and they never begrudged me that.

I take my time to reach the room where I have to meet Lilly since I’m ten minutes early and I don’t want her to think we have to rush things. My main concern is how she will react to my oral skills. They are pretty awful but I doubt she will make fun of me.

Reaching the room, I’m surprised to see that the door is already open and, when I peek inside, the only thing I can see is this comforting blonde mane. I was early but she was even earlier. Weirdly, her beating me here makes me feel a bit guilty.

“Hi, Lilly. What’s up?”

“Good afternoon, Kaori. Thank you for coming early.” She says, turning her head towards me with a smile. “Before you sit down, could you please open the window for me?”

“Gladly.” I just answer, trying to match her vocabulary.

“Much obliged.”

I put my bag against the table’s leg and open the window, welcoming the refreshing breeze. It’s pleasing, even if the rest of the weather isn’t great.

“I have heard you need to improve your pronunciation and I’m glad you asked for help.” She comments as I take a seat beside her. “However, if it is as bad as you claim, we may need several sittings.”

“What I suggest you do for now is try to read this book aloud, sentence-by-sentence, and I will correct you when appropriate.” I guess she’s right; you can’t fix a pronunciation issue in a snap.

Beside Lilly is an English book; The title of which is unknown to me but that’s fine since I wouldn’t have the memory of its content anyway. Wuthering Heights, by Emily Brontë. English literature really isn’t my forte and I feel a little uncultured compared to Lilly. Still… It’s never too late to strengthen your culture, as they say.

I open the book and begin reading. I speak aloud at my normal pace, with my usual pronunciation, to allow her to judge how bad it is. Given her reaction; it’s as terrible as I thought. When I read certain words, she can’t seem to suppress a displeased pout. That’s a good thing though, because it tells me I’m wrong and that there is a way of making progress. At least I hope so.

When she repeats the sentences back with the correct pronunciation, I can’t help but notice her thick accent. It’s quite cute. I wonder how the people who told me that my accent was really strong, since Tohoku-ben is considered one of the most unintelligible dialects, would react if they heard Lilly speaking English with her particular accent.

I try my best to remember the sounds of specific words to have the best pronunciation possible but fail. What I don’t understand, though, is why some words are pronounced differently when they share a similar writing with other words.

I’ve always found spoken English quite confusing for that particular reason. Reading in my mind and writing are fine, but speaking English aloud is difficult for me.

Lilly, thankfully, is taking hearing her native language be mangled in stride. Some people might get frustrated, which is understandable, and I wouldn’t blame her if she did.

“You’ll be glad to know; this isn’t the most dreadful pronunciation I’ve heard. However there is room for improvement.” She says with a kind smile.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Let’s continue, shall we?”

Before reading again, I take a quick look outside. The rain has gotten worse and shows no inclination of stopping. What awful weather… I’ve always hated Sendai’s weather for this very reason. No, I need to focus on the book. Otherwise we won’t get anywhere.

This time I try even harder to pronounce things properly, taking time to think about the phonetics of certain words, something Lilly seems to appreciate. Even so, this time round I don’t feel like I have a smooth reading. It might be even worse now.

Lilly still pouts when I get the pronunciation wrong but quickly fades away when I correct myself. She’s right; I still have a lot of work to do if I want to speak English correctly. However, I can notice a tiny bit of improvement, which is a small comfort to me.

One step at a time. Rome was not built in a day and it will also take a long time before I’m able to read English text aloud confidently.

Lilly continues to correct me when I don’t know how to correct myself. The more she talks with her natural accent, the more I like what we are doing. I have a thing for thick accents, especially the European ones I can hear on TV. Not sure why…

Some might like specific physical features or mindsets but there’s a few people, like me, that like certain accents or ways of speaking. I could happily listen to Lilly speak English aloud, for no other reason than to just listen.

A sudden, loud clap of thunder takes me by surprise and makes me jump. I expected a storm, but it still surprises me when it happens. Focus, Kaori. It’s just a storm; you need to continue your reading.

I try to continue, anyway. Not long after, another thunderclap startles me again and, this time, I burst into uncontrollable tears. Despite the shock and the fresh tears streaming down my face; I still continue to try.

Without a word, Lilly’s arm wraps around my shoulder; a reaction that catches me completely off guard. I wasn’t expecting such a reaction from her, even if I was crying because of the storm. She has the reputation of someone kind, attentive, and caring but still…I didn’t think she would do that for me. She feels warm.

If anyone else was present in this room, this could be one of the most pathetic visions they could have seen in their lives. A giant girl like me, crying in Lilly’s arms because of a storm… Some people would laugh at me. Saki would tell me not to pay attention to those people, but even still does; try as I might.

We remain quiet for a few minutes before she breaks the silence, doing something I thought only my mother could do to me. Pulling me closer, Lilly whispers a kind of lullaby into my ear. It soothes my nerves and makes me forget the storm outside, at least for a moment.

Even Saki never did such a thing with me, and she’s my best friend. I don’t think I could explain why Lilly thought she had to do that, but I’m glad she took the initiative. It’s a kindness I’d never think to ask for yet she did it without a second thought.

Such an ironic time for my heart to also go haywire; pounding to the point I fear my chest will be torn apart. I’m used to my fast heartbeats, but not like this, and I don’t know what to do. I just hope she doesn’t feel it… I wouldn’t want to worry her more than I already do.

Her warmth feels like it could engulf me like a weighted blanket and I wish it wouldn’t come to an end. But all good things must and I’m the one who breaks the embrace and the silence in the same instance.

“Thank you very much, Lilly. That… That really, really helped.” I smile. It’s the objective truth; it helped ease my storm anxiety even if physical contact with her made my heart pound. “I thought only my mother’s lullabies could calm me down in a storm. What made you think it would be a good idea?” I ask, quite curious about the answer.

“Instinct. It felt like something you needed and I am pleased that I was correct.” She answers with a kind smile. “I think we have done quite enough for today though, I must go to the library. Would you like to join me?”

“Gladly.”

“Could I hold your arm?” She didn’t need to ask this question, but I guess she wanted to reassure herself.

“Naturally.” I say, placing myself next to her. “Thanks for today. I still have a lot of work to do to improve, but I appreciate you offering me some help.”

“My pleasure. Ask me anytime and we’ll continue.”

Our brief trip to the library happens in silence; I just have to walk slower than usual to match her walking pace. I seem to attract slow walkers; first Saki and now Lilly. I can’t entirely explain it since my usual walking pace is far from slow.

When we reach the library, a typically funny scene plays out before us. Yuuko is busy with some books, registering them on her computer and sorting them into piles. There aren’t many books, but she seems to be confused by the subjects of the books and she doesn’t know where to put them.

“Good afternoon, Yuuko.” I announce our presence. She didn’t expect to be spoken to and, while turning to answer us, her waist catches the corner of her desk pretty hard, and she lets out a painful hiss.

“Good afternoon, Kitten. Lilly.” She replies once she regains her composure. “What can I do for you?”

“Did you receive the braille books that we ordered?” Lilly asks gently.

For a few seconds, Yuuko doesn’t know what to say but looks in her database for the books. The discreet smile on her lips tells me she found them. “Yes, we have received all the books you asked for and the others for your classmates. Do you want to take them?”

“I’ll take my classmates’ books for now and I’ll take mine tomorrow. Thank you, Yuuko.” Lilly answers, with a kind smile, her eyes closed.

Yuuko places the books in Lilly’s bag and, with a bow, apologises before going back to work. I always thought that Yuuko can be too formal sometimes; I don’t know if she’s close with Lilly, but she doesn’t have to be so formal around me.

“That’s a sweet nickname she gave you.” Lilly smirks a little. “Where did she come up with it?”

“Well, we’re very close. Yuuko was the first adult who I trusted during my first year here, alongside Nurse, and she still takes great care of me. Let’s say she’s like a second mother to me.” When I talk about Yuuko to someone, my adoration for her can be seen in my eyes, though I guess that’s lost on Lilly .

“I wouldn’t say that I’m that close to her, but I see what you mean. Yuuko is very compassionate, which is why a lot of students like her.”

Every adult here has a duty of care, of course, but Yuuko is on a whole other level. As if it was her personal duty to take care of everyone to the best of her ability. Without her and Saki, I don’t think that I could have fit in at this school.

I browse the shelves, looking for new books to read. In the poetry section, nothing immediately draws me despite my desire to try it out. I have defined tastes, but a bit of a change does no harm.. However, there is a great-looking book that draws my attention in the middle of the section.

“John Keats. Who’s that?” I simply ask.

I didn’t expect Lilly to be so shocked by a simple question. Given her scandalised expression, he must be a well-known author. I can’t remember a lot of authors, especially in some genres I don’t explore that often. As someone who likes to read, I can’t help but feel like an idiot when I don’t know an author.

“He’s one of the most famous English romantic poets. Sadly, he only wrote for four years before his death. His work is a bit odd if you’re not used to it, but it’s worth a try.” I can hear the will to defend Mister Keats in her voice. Well, I guess I’ll read this after such a glowing endorsement.

“I should really read more British literature to improve my pronunciation, but I have to say… It’s not my cup of tea.” Asian literature and history books are what I like the most. I guess I could give British literature a second chance.

“I can’t blame you but I sincerely hope you’ll enjoy his work as much as I did.” She titters with a smile.

I’m not expecting anything so I shouldn’t be disappointed if I don’t like it. Trying new books, authors, or genres is always a gamble but I’ve had some pleasant surprises in the past.

“Do you have anything planned? I really need to go to see Sumire before dinner…”

“Our resident overseer? What’s the matter?” She seems genuinely concerned given her voice tone.

“Well, one of my classmates asked me to pass on a message about an important meeting but… She scares me. She genuinely scares me. The fact she sees me as a troublemaker doesn’t help, either.” I’m more scared of storms, but Sumire, especially her metallic voice, scares me, mostly when I’m walking in the hallways during the night.

“She doesn’t always show it but I’m sure she cares. Still, would you like me to come with you for moral support?” She asks, kindly.

“If you don’t mind, yes, I’d really like that.”

In exchange, however, she asks me to find a certain book for one of her friends in a different area of the library. While I’m looking, I take some time to find another book for myself too. I’m not showing great originality since I pick out a history novel about Feudal Japan. Maybe not the most obvious pairing with British poetry but if it turns out I don’t like Lilly’s suggestion, I have something I will probably like.

When we arrive at the front counter, Yuuko’s not there. It happens; she can be pretty busy in the library sometimes. A little waiting won’t kill us.

“Yuuko isn’t there?” Lilly asks, noticing my immobility and the total silence in the library.

“She’s probably busy. I don’t know how long she’ll be though.”

“What books did you acquire?” She asks with a curious voice.

“The poetry book you recommended and a Feudal Japanese history novel. Nothing very original, I must admit, but I thrive on safe bets. If you’re looking for someone that can give you advice on new books, I’m not the girl you’re looking for.” She can’t repress a slight laugh, as if what I said was stupid.

“Your literary preferences are not something you should ever blame yourself for. All opinions are important, all advice is interesting to hear. The fact that your advice consistently focuses on the same subjects does not make it insignificant or lacking in interest.”

“So you’re telling me you’ll listen to someone that always recommends books about the same subject?” I ask, perplexed.

“Indeed. On what grounds would I ask this person to switch topics? Merely because my interests are way different? That doesn’t make sense to me. The same goes for you; I would never see your opinion as unworthy simply because we don’t share the same interests.” She answers matter-of-factly.

That makes sense, even if I don’t actually see my opinion as relevant when it comes to literature. Compared to many readers, I would say that my literary culture is slightly esoteric but I have sizeable gaps to fill.

“I appreciate that but you can’t blame someone for thinking their opinions aren’t that relevant.”

“I’ve never criticized someone who lacks confidence in their opinions. At the very least, I try to encourage them to share their opinions with me because I value fresh perspectives.” Lilly says with a smile, her eyes closed.

Deep down in my heart, I know I won’t be able to change her mind but I deeply respect her assurance. If only I’d known people like her in middle school, I’d definitely have more confidence.

“Well then; I’ll try to give you some recommendations for books in the future. And if these books aren’t available in Braille… I could read them to you, if you’re interested?”

She says nothing but I can see by her warming expression that she likes the idea. I used to read to my neighbours’ kids when I was younger and they loved it. Might be fun to do it with her too.

“I would love that.” Lilly beams.

Yuuko eventually shows up and, as usual, apologises profusely with several bows. As if making us wait was an inexcusable offence… Sometimes, I just want to shake her, tell her to chill but I doubt it would do much to change her.

She registers our borrowings on her computer, and we head towards my unavoidable fate  Sumire. You’ll pay for this, Nakai! Eventually! I may not recognize you at first, but I won’t forget this!

“That’s very kind of you to come with me. Being alone with her isn’t the most pleasant experience for me…” I admit and she must feel the despair in my voice.

“I wouldn’t say she’s the most accessible individual, but she does a great job as the overseer.” She’s right on that point, and I won’t argue with that.

“She could benefit from being kinder… However, she’s not the most receptive to feedback.” Once again, she’s right, but I can’t imagine someone having the balls to say something like that to her.

Once outside, I take a deep breath, enjoying the ambient smell. There’s nothing better that the smell of grass after the rain; it has always brought me joy. And a bit of joy, before facing Death Herself, never hurts.

“Nothing beats the odour of wet grass.” I sigh.

“I beg to differ. I much prefer the scent of freshly cut grass..” Lilly offers.

Given that I’ve spent most of my life near nature, nothing beats the various smells of nature for me, from wet grass to orchards via flower fields; I couldn’t live without these odours. I couldn’t imagine my life in a big city with no access to nature; that would drive me insane.

We take our time on our way to the dorm because I’m not relishing meeting my inevitable demise. If Lilly wasn’t here with me, I might’ve asked Saki to come with me but she’s as comfortable around Sumire as I am. I could count Sumire’s friends on the fingers of one hand. If her character was less harsh, she could become more popular in the dorm.

As we enter the dorm, a sudden strain weighs on my chest and I have only one desire: to leave and go right back to the library. But there’s no going back; I need to face my nemesis.

As we round a corner, I see my doom from behind; her distinct haircut is instantly recognisable. I remain silent for a few seconds, paralyzed by fear. Almost no one can leave me speechless, especially through fear, but Sumire… With her metallic voice, sneakiness, and nigh-omnipresence… She’s spooky.

Come on, Kaori, stop being dramatic! She’s as human as you are. You can do this; it’s not like she’ll eat you.

“Sumire…” For a brief moment, her name is the only thing that can escape my mouth, but thanks to Lilly being by my side, I find the courage to continue. “It seems the boys’ dorm overseer wants to see you tonight for an important meeting.” She can sense the fear in my voice; it may even explain the little smirk appearing on her lips as she turns. She knows how scared I am of her, and she frequently plays it to her advantage.

“Yamamoto… Don’t even think about causing trouble tonight while I’m not here. Like usual.” She replies, looking at me as if I was prey she could toy with.

“Don’t be ridiculous; I‘m not even the worst culprit on my floor…”

“You clearly have an aptitude for causing trouble though.” She pauses before carrying on. “When does he want to meet me?”

“Nakai said this evening, he didn’t clarify when exactly…”

She stares at the ceiling for a bit, sighing lamentably. “I’ll go over there after dinner then. Anything else?”

My lack of response is enough for her to understand this conversation is over, and just leaves after warning me once more to not be troublesome tonight.

Lilly remained silent for the entire conversation, and when Sumire had moved on, she turned to me with a sigh. “Well… She’s certainly delightful.”

The invisible weight lifts off my shoulders as soon as Sumire turns down another hallway. The less I see her, the better I feel. It’s not a feeling I especially like but I can’t help it when it comes to her.

“I don’t know how you maintain such… passivity around her.” I’m genuinely amazed by Lilly’s ability to stay calm when Sumire is there. To be fair, I don’t know that many people, who are in my case, who could do that.

“Some may argue that I’ve earned her favour somehow, but perhaps I am simply not a troublemaker.” She answers, turning her head towards me with a mischievous smile.

That taunt was completely gratuitous, but I can’t help but laugh. It’s not my fault is Sumire is such a tight-ass! It’s not as if I’m spending all my time acting crazy…

“You know, if you’re near me, I think I could get used to storms.” I say with a bright smile.

“You’d get used to my hugs, more-like.” Lilly replies with a cute chuckle, and she’s right on that point.

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t like what happened. If a girl like Lilly can easily read my emotions like she did, I might have to work on being a little less predictable. Then again, I don’t think Saki would appreciate if I wasn’t as predictable as I am since she can get pretty tired of my shenanigans sometimes.

“So… It’s not even dinnertime yet, so what can we do?” I ask.

Lilly seems lost in thought for a while, trying to find something to do. And for once, I can’t help her. Sometimes, I don’t even know what to do with myself.

“How about a little stroll in the woods around school?” She suggests, which is a great idea; I love the smell of the forest after a storm.

“I think that’s an excellent idea.” I reply.

And so we head out of the dorms and towards the forest under a light drizzle. I just hope that it won’t rain a lot again since neither of us brought an umbrella. It doesn’t take us too much time to reach the forest, and I can’t help but show a big smile on my lips.

The atmosphere, the sound of rain on the leaves and the wind blowing up in the trees, the birds singing, everything makes me forget that there is a city nearby. Back in Ninohe, I could spend hours walking in the woods, just enjoying the atmosphere and the wildlife sounds. If I had to live in a major city, I’d go insane in no time.

Lilly holds my arm with her hand, and I slow my pace to match hers as a courtesy. I breathe a sigh of satisfaction; everything here is so beautifully soothing. Nature has always been very important to me; it always has a soothing effect on me, and I couldn’t even imagine a day without hearing the birds singing.

“You know, when I was younger, I spent my time playing in the fields or in the forest, alone or with my parents or my friends. And now, I just can’t imagine my life without nature or spending my life in a large city.”

“Akira always praises the landscape surrounding my family’s estate and when she describes it to me, I couldn’t agree more with her. I have always enjoyed nature around me so I understand your view on that matter.” She says with a kind smile.

When she smiles like that, I feel a rush of joy. She definitely has some kind of reassuring aura, something difficult to describe but I like it all the same. Spending time with her feels good; I hope she feels the same thing towards me.

“I didn’t tell you before but… your English accent is lovely.”

“Why thank you,” she chuckles. “Though some may argue it’s a bit too thick for their liking.”

I would never try to argue with someone on accent preferences since Saki doesn’t like my true accent. Mostly because she doesn’t understand what I’m saying when I’m talking in Tohoku-ben.

“I kind of have a thing for thick accents… But that might come from the fact I’m from Tohoku! Our accent is barely comprehensible for most people!” I try to laugh off my admission.

She tilts her head with a smirk. “Well now you’ve piqued my curiosity. I would like to listen to it if you’ll allow.”

I take a deep breath and begin to present myself to her; sharing lots of things I like, even my favourite meals or albums using the dialect I used for most of my life.

Exactly the same sentences I spoke toward Saki when I introduced her to Tohoku-ben and she didn’t  couldn’t  understand. The fact that I’m talking faster when I use it probably doesn’t help either.

I’m trying my best to be intelligible for her but, given her perplexed reaction, it’s a lost cause. She looks like I’m talking a foreign language to her; like she’s trying to cling to the sounds she thinks she recognizes but to no avail. My voice dies down with each sentence until I give up all together…

“Did you understand any of that?” I ask, curious.

“I did grasp a few words, but I would be lying if I said I understood a full sentence.” She smiles sympathetically. “That certainly is a strong accent.”

I retrace my steps, translating each sentence back and really emphasizing how different our dialect is to standard Japanese. Some people actually need subtitles when someone from Tohoku is speaking on TV. Transitioning from my natural accent to a more digestible dialect was really difficult for me initially but now I manage to switch between the two fairly seamlessly now.

“I will say, however… I do find your accent quite appealing.” I could be wrong but her expression seems almost… Sultry.

“Then, maybe should we use our natural accents more when we talk to each other?” I ask, somewhat mischievously.

“I think there’s certainly a middle ground to be found to allow both our cultures some mutual understanding so yes, I think that would be an excellent idea.”

It’s settled then. I don’t know where this will lead, but shared curiosity about this is a good thing. And sharing a special way of communicating with each other isn’t something I would have expected with her, but it would be a welcome change.