Katawa Shoujo Forums

I have an inkling that the culprit will be Naomi

Well, given the list of missing books it certainly isn't Kenji this time around

Mirage_GSM wrote:Well, given the list of missing books it certainly isn't Kenji this time around

I honestly wouldn't count him out. When you don't know quite how someone thinks, they can end up thinking anything... But then, I'm not a very good sleuth, so I've got no idea.

Good chapter! I tend to find chapters without romance kind of boring, but they're necessary, and you've done this one justice. I think you characterized everyone well, including good dialogue from Hanako and Yuuko.

Oh, also, I'm pretty sure that we've just seen the first instance of Naomi 'using' the fact that Hisao's in a relationship with her - I was expecting this, based on how they've interacted in past, and I find it interesting. He even sort of sets himself up for it: he gets up early, he goes to do actual work while tired, but it's with his girlfriend, so he's more than willing. And then she doesn't show and he does the work himself. I can only see this dynamic becoming more interesting as time goes on. Or maybe I'm misjudging things, as I tend to do. Again, I'm not a good sleuth.

Anyways, keep up the good work!

This is one of my favourite ongoing stories on here, so it's nice to see that things have progressed nicely since I last checked up on it.
There's lots of strong characterization with Naomi and Hisao in the more recent chapters. I like the tomboy/world's youngest grandpa dynamic. It leads to some very enjoyable banter between the two, which does a lot to keep the dialogue engaging. Now that the story has lived up to it's namesake and Naomi has admitted to her people-watching hobby, I'm curious to see how that will affect the plot moving forwards.

The meta gag with Hanako here was funny but felt a little bit on the nose with the way she phrased it-

QuietlySomething wrote:"Oh." She ponders that for a moment. "I don't know… I- I don't watch people that much."

Then again, I get the feeling that you may have had her say that to show how her personality contrasts with Naomi's, but that may be the tinfoil hat speaking. At any rate, I'm interested to see how Hanako will factor in to the story, seeing as her and Naomi are polar opposites. I can see that leading to some funny interactions down the line.

Unfortunately, even though I like how you've written both of them, the fact that Naomi has ice cream for lunch and Hisao takes his coffee with six sugars makes me want to sentence them both to death by hanging.

Really though, great job so far. Keep up the good work.

CozyRavioli wrote:The meta gag with Hanako here was funny but felt a little bit on the nose with the way she phrased it-

QuietlySomething wrote:"Oh." She ponders that for a moment. "I don't know… I- I don't watch people that much."

Then again, I get the feeling that you may have had her say that to show how her personality contrasts with Naomi's, but that may be the tinfoil hat speaking.

Believe it or not I didn't really write that line to be reference to the title, though the fact that that specific wording might draw attention did cross my mind. As opposed to the title drop in the previous chapter...

CozyRavioli wrote:Unfortunately, even though I like how you've written both of them, the fact that Naomi has ice cream for lunch and Hisao takes his coffee with six sugars makes me want to sentence them both to death by hanging.

The coffee with six sugars that Natsume stole was actually intended for Naomi. So I guess that's just double marks against her

Anyway, thanks for commenting Ravioli man. Appreciate the feedback.

CozyRavioli wrote:Really though, great job so far. Keep up the good work.

mwah

Interesting so far. Naomi seems like she might be trying a bit too hard, which makes for a interesting contrast with Hisao's manner of just sailing through things if given the option.

Having the newpaper club investigate Yuuko's little book mystery was a nice idea as well.

Well I've read through this whole thing and... Dang. This is good. Like really good.

I feel like the Miki curse got shifted to Naomi and Natsume. I've been really enjoying this and I hope to see future chapters but I get the feeling this is a dead fic.