Katawa Shoujo Forums

Well... After what I had to say about the last chapter, you can probably guess I'm not thrilled about the dream sequence in this one.

Lilly is lucid enough to have a detailed psychological analysis of herself in her dream but not enough to realize she is in a dream.
This is the kind of dream you see in a fantasy story, when an evil witch has entered someone's dreams to torment them or someone has a literally split personality - to the point where I actually am actually wondering whether you are putting supernatural elements into this story.
Then to top it off the waking-up-but not-being-awake thing at the end...

I personally find the whole "Lilly's true name being Lillian" part weird. I find Lilly far too formal to tell everyone she meets only her nickname; you would think that she would at least tell Hisao of it. But otherwise, I find your fanfic very interesting and unique. Keep up the good work!

Great Tree Sensei wrote:I personally find the whole "Lilly's true name being Lillian" part weird. I find Lilly far too formal to tell everyone she meets only her nickname; you would think that she would at least tell Hisao of it. But otherwise, I find your fanfic very interesting and unique. Keep up the good work!

I think that if her mother named her Lillian, and the Japanese equivalent her father preferred was 'Lilly' ( = 'Riri'), then she'd use 'Lilly' at school in Japan. That's my take on it. Quite often, I've seen modern Japanese adopt some Western name based on their real personal name, which is the other side of the coin.

Mirage_GSM wrote:Well... After what I had to say about the last chapter, you can probably guess I'm not thrilled about the dream sequence in this one.

Lilly is lucid enough to have a detailed psychological analysis of herself in her dream but not enough to realize she is in a dream.
This is the kind of dream you see in a fantasy story, when an evil witch has entered someone's dreams to torment them or someone has a literally split personality - to the point where I actually am actually wondering whether you are putting supernatural elements into this story.
Then to top it off the waking-up-but not-being-awake thing at the end...

I can honestly say I have had dreams where I know I'm dreaming because it's so insane that it has to be a dream and then almost immediately after I forget I'm dreaming.

And I only remember that I realized it was a dream after waking up. And then, like most dreams, I promptly forget every single fucking cool thing that happened and then I can't tell anybody about it.

Dreams suck.


I like the rework, by the way

The dream is a bit too much for me... more like a LOT too much for me. Any suspension of disbelief you've had was thrown right out the window here.

Even if it wasn't you've still spelled out every single one of Lilly's hangups in the least subtle way possible.

I do like your take on Hisao's parents and Nurse, but everything else just feels slightly off.

This is shaping up pretty well in my opinion, Gibbo.

Regarding all the discussion about dreams — I read each story on here in their own little bubble, which allows me to suspend my disbelief on a case to case basis. Seeing as other stories on here feature ghosts and superpowers, I don't necessarily think it's that big of a deal to incorporate some very vivid dream sequences into a story, as long as it serves a purpose, which it clearly does in your story.

For example, the Suzu Pseudo Route by Scissorlips has taken a lot of heat over the years for it's unrealistic portrayal of Narcolepsy. Despite that, the story itself turned out to be very entertaining. Coincidentally, that story also features some very vivid dream sequences which greatly elevated the plot. Naturally, I'm not trying to claim that previous criticisms of your dream sequences are invalid, just throwing my two cents in.

I think your style of writing is very pleasant and you clearly care a lot about quality, given the amount of slick art that you've commissioned. It's also nice to see Hisao trying to better himself physically while he's in a relationship with someone other than Emi. Your take on the parents are also dope, as many others have already said.

Looking forward to more radical adventures with Captain Coronary and Mrs Magoo.

So far very nicely done, with one caveat.

I believe it is highly doubtful that Hisao's parents and Lilly did not meet during his hospital stay. Beyond that, well written and concise.