So it's been a little while, and a little while more. Here's the latest chapter, which of course I'd love feedback on. Massive thank you to Brythain for brilliant proofreading that prevents my work from, sucking harder than it already does. Not to mention another GINORMOUS thank you to Fermatiauda, who both continues to support me with early morning messages and amazing artwork!
Many thanks.
*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
Act 2 chapter 3: Afterglow
We’re all indigo, walking out together in the afterglow.
******************************************************************************
For the eyes of Molly Kapur only.
I’m surprised Hisao didn’t notice this one yesterday actually, it was on my desk, hidden in plain sight and all that.
I toss the letter into my drawer with the others, making sure to put as much hatred into it as I can. You don’t do something like that and expect forgiveness.
You made your choices. I’ve made mine.
An immediate thumping on my door sends me flying backwards, nearly toppling both my chair and desk. Hisao? Did he leave something here this morning?
This morning.
Never let it be said that Nakai is uncomfortable.
I slept just fine.
For almost 7 hours .
However, it might be said that he panics in the face of a challenge.
Especially when a cute girl’s involved….
His words, not mine.
He called himself ‘
Agent Thunderbolt’ as he snuck out of my room. An emergency evacuation had apparently been set up by ‘
Agent Wormstooth’, though how much of that I believe is likely on par with about how sneaky he was, i.e. not very.
Another knock brings me out of my reverie. Well, I should let Hisao pick up whatever he left, though I uh, I can’t see anything that’s not mine.
I open the door wide, a sly grin on my face.
“What’s up Agent Thunderbo-“
“I’m not Hisao,
Emi.”
Oh I hate you, Taro. I’m not that golden girl showoff.
I let out a groan, closing the door a little. What is he even doing here?
It’s like, six. I haven’t actually checked but that feels about right.
“How did you know I meant Hisao?” Oh, hang on, “
You’re a dick, by the way.”
“It wasn’t exactly rocket science Mori, he is the
only person you’d have a pet name for, anyway, Suzu and I are going to the Shanghai on Saturday after classes,” Taro says, rubbing his slung arm and wobbling slightly from side to side. “We figured you and lover-boy would want to come?”
I mumble a protest to him calling Hisao that, but it's interrupted by a sharp look from Taro.
“Sorry, what?”
“It’s uh- never mind, I just feel like you asked both Hisao and me...” He looks at me like I’m crazy. Stone cold crazy. “Ah, forget it.”
“Riiiiiiiiiight, is that a yes then?”
“It’s a yes, though I’m surprised you and Suzu want us along for your little-” I stop myself just short of saying ‘date’. As much as Taro would probably wish it was, we both know who actually wanted me and Hisao there.
“What, on our little date? I’m sure you figured out that it’s not…” Taro says, fidgeting nervously, like he doesn’t want to say too much, “We’re not dating.”
The usual spark in Taro’s eye fades away as the thought that haunts him takes over.
Please don’t break down in the hallway dude, come on.
“I-uh, do you want to come in and talk a little?” I’d rather he cried in my room then outside of it, God knows where Suzu is, but if she came back to him tearing up in the hallway, I doubt I’d hear the end of it.
The question dances on Taro’s mind, and he bites the nail on one of his fingers, in what is probably
the most disgusting habit he has.
Well maybe not the most, ew.
“If I can, just for a little bit.”
I pivot to the side, letting him step inside and sit down on the carpet. I take a seat on the edge of my bed behind him, both my metal legs dangling haphazardly off the side.
“So um, how are you two?” I really don’t know what to say honestly, I can tell he’s upset. We haven’t really spoken for a while anyway, maybe now’s a good time to play catch up.
“She’s mighty fine, isn’t she always though.” I’m not sure if it's admiration in his voice or if it's despair. He’s real hard to read sometimes.
“B-But what about you?” I don’t mean to stutter but it kinda scares me when he’s like this. I don’t like not knowing things. Maybe that’s why Hisao makes me so curious.
I will solve that boy’s equation someday.
“I’m not really sure she cares how I feel, Molly.” Okay, yep, it's despair.
“That, that’s not true, Taro. She’s your friend, she cares.”
“If she cared she wouldn’t only call me round if she’s
hungry or
horny Mori.”
I uh... I don’t know how to respond to that.
His fist balled up, he looks like he’s about to cry. I don’t really know what to say to him; has it been eating him up like this for so long? Has he spoken to anyone about it?
“I… just don’t get it really, it’s like I mean nothing to her,
we fucking sleep together, but it means nothing.
Nothing,” he almost shouts, his eyes wide with a different fire.
“I-It doesn’t mean nothing. She still likes to hang out with you.” This, this... this sucks. I uh, what do I do?
“Friends don’t
fuck whenever one of them beckons!” Taro might be the one upset, but I feel myself about to cry. He’s made it a habit of confiding this kind of thing to me, but it’s always been so small and petty. Like small bitching, it’s always been harmless. Her never picking up her phone, her shooting him down in front of people, things like that, he was only ever sad. This is new, Taro is angry.
“M-Maybe you could stop that then, y-you don’t have to…”
“Don’t have to...? I couldn’t escape that sleepy bitch even if I tried!”
I flinch at his word choice. I haven’t seen Taro this upset since Lelouch and Suzu slept together last year. He changed back then, he fought for her.
Literally too.
Nothing hurts more than unrequited love I suppose.
The anger leaving his body, Taro slouches forward. He palms his face in his hand and sighs. His breathing now heavy with grief, he lets out a small groan. He’s hurt. I’ve always know he hated getting angry; what did he say to me before? ‘
Anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.’ Normally calm and collected, Taro stammers out the pitiful first half of an apology, his words cut short by my arms wrapping around him and squeezing him.
I can be his emotional bastion.
We sit in silence, as I give him a motherly embrace.
After all this time he’s been so distraught, and it all culminates to this. Two years. Two whole years. I’d known he was upset but, I never thought he was this bad. Sometimes the people you think you know hide scars you thought weren’t there.
I guess I’ve hidden mine from him too. I’m no better.
“Molly, please don’t say anything to Suzu. I just, I’m just gonna roll with the punches.” Content that he knows my answer, he leans back into me, “I’ve heard fat people are good for hugs.”
I chuckle drily: he’s heard right. Our laugh is both bitter and empty, I doubt either of us find it very funny. “If you don’t laugh you’ll cry, so say something funnier fat-ass.”
“Echidna penises have four heads.” It’s more a whimper than anything, but at least he tried. I wish that light would come back to his green eyes. But it doesn’t.
“I said funny, not disgusting, dude.”
“Your trash is someone else’s treasure.”
“What? So echidna penises are your treasure?”
“Absoul- no, shit.”
The tensions somewhat subsides. Taro gets up, breaking our hug and lifting his bag with his working arm, hoisting it over his shoulder and walking for the door.
“Thanks Molls, I needed that, still on for Saturday?”
Wait, what?
He still wants to go through with that, the four of us, playing happy families while ignoring the elephant in the room? I don’t want to drag Hisao into this whole mess, but there’s a morbid curiosity within me. I want to see how this goes.
“Yeah sure, I’ll let Hisao know, and thanks for dropping off that book I wanted,” I say with a wink, hoping he understands just how goddamn clever my excuses are.
Watch out Agent Wormtooth, you’ve met your match.
“I uh, yeah sure... not a problem, well see ya later.” He scratches the few tufts of hair that adorn his chin. Then his eyes meet mine.
I see no fire, only boundless ocean.
Taro turns and shuts the door behind him, his bag narrowly avoiding a grim squashing between the door and its frame.
Something tells me English homework won’t keep my mind off of this for long.
**************************************************************************
“That has got to be a joke.”
“A joke? I’d love to agree, but there’s nothing funny about waking up to the sight of paramedics,” Suzu says nonchalantly, skipping forward with her hand tugging Taro’s. He’s evidently quite the anchor.
It’s Saturday night, and this little double dat- um,
four friend meet-up, couldn’t have come at a better time. Not only has it helped me escape the history homework, but I’m super starving. The downhill saunter to the town below Yamaku is as peaceful as it usually is, with the sky darkening just enough to highlight the lamp-like glow of civilisation.
“Jeez, sorry.”
“Should be, fat ass.”
“Oh so it’s okay to call me fat ass, but I can’t ask you friendly questions?” Taro almost trips from the immense force of Suzu’s sudden pull back in my direction, “Watch it will ya?”
“Shut up for a minute.” Her unannounced stop in front of me brings the full group to a standstill. I can
already tell where this is going.
“You know, Hisao, she doesn’t bite unless you ask her to.”
Great. Thank you, Suzu.
“And let’s be honest Hisao, a little biting is nice in its way.” Wait, Taro! You absolute sh-
“This is all assuming she’s the one doing the biting,” Hisao responds, he opens his mouth wide, before snapping his teeth together in a deliberate motion. Happy with his comeback, he smirks and folds his arms. “I’ve got quite the pair of biters.”
Taro and Suzu turn to look at each other, blatantly aware of how stupid that was.
“Well, there’s that confirmed.” Taro laughs, placing his hand on Hisao’s wrist and drawing a terrified expression from his face.
It would be hilarious if Suzu wasn’t doing the same to me.
The two of them, working in their cruel and twisted operation, manage to drag both my hand and Hisao’s into touching distance. Before forcibly shoving the two together and hugging in a celebration that looks more forced than enjoyable.
Awkward as all hell, Hisao and I stand, Suzu and Taro twirling back on their feet to continue our Shanghai quest.
The word 'dumbstruck' comes to mind.
That being said, neither of us let go of the other’s hand. And the tiny snickering from in front of us really helps to increase the awkwardness of our grip.
Hisao looks at me.
I look at Hisao.
Hisao looks back again, his cheeks blooming like hot red rhododendrons.
“We should probably catch up to them.” Words slither through his gritted teeth.
Why do things like this keep happening to me?
“I could eat a bear,” Hisao states, the two of us still unmoving.
This is definitely too good an opportunity to miss. “I’ve never eaten bear, you could say it sounds a bit
grizzly to me.”
He stares at me, clearly overwhelmed by my comedic genius.
Okay, it sounded better in my head.
With no time to lament what must be the lamest pun in all history, we begin our walk to the Shanghai, in the distant dust of Suzu and Taro—who from here, look like nothing more than a one and a zero.
And you can guess which one is the zero.
Our symphony of artificial clicks and natural thumps tap in rhythm, as Hisao’s steps counterpoint mine. He swings a bit as he walks, maybe a side effect of our awkward hand holding. I’m not exactly the
fastest thing on no legs after all.
Hmpf.
Nevertheless, our click-thump out-of-sync march to the Shanghai rings familiar of every walk Hisao and I take. People tell you that you’ll get used to that clicking. And maybe people do. But I certainly haven’t. It’s not a bad sound, nor a pleasant one. It’s just there. All the time. A constant memento.
A reminder of fireworks and mistakes.
I just wanted to see the fireworks. Doesn’t every little girl?
You had no right, you had
no Goddamn right. It wasn’t your life to take. Who are you?
Who are you? Who am I? Who is he?
“Um, Molly, are you okay?” Hisao’s concerned voice drags me tooth and nail from the darkest parts of myself, and I loosen the iron grip on his hand.
I wish I knew, Hisao. ‘The answer’s in the nebulas’... who told you that, Ma?
Because space couldn’t feel further away right now.
“Sorry.” Though clearly worried, my mumbling seems adequate for him as he shakes his head, continuing to walk down the winding road to town, where the Shanghai opens its door to the other half of a troublesome foursome.
Well, not that kind of foursome.
**********************************************************************************
With a round of sandwiches down, and another one facing its demise, Taro takes a long sip from his coffee, careful not to disturb the sleeping girl on his shoulder.
Equally careful, Hisao sips from his own, my head resting on him for the second time in a week. Having said Suzu was adorable when she snuggled up to Taro, I've decided to follow suit, since he’s
already called me cute this week.
He’s still smiling a little.
Who says being sweet is hard?
“You know dude, you’ve been here for like maybe two weeks, and you’ve already managed to pull one of the geekiest girls in school.” A smirk tugs at my lips and I give Taro the best disappointed look I can manage, before closing my eyes and burying into Hisao’s shoulder, clutching his arm with both of my own.
I really don’t know if this counts as being forward, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
“I wouldn’t say I’ve pulled her, Taro. I mean, honestly, I wouldn’t have even spoken to you guys if you hadn’t introduced yourself that lunch time.”
“Well you looked like a lost soul, dude. I just had to help you out! Not to mention I’ve been trying to set Molly up with a lover.” Wait, what?
“Aha, what do you mean lost soul?” I’m glad
that’s piqued Hisao’s interest, since the other point of conversation could only have been sheer horror.
“Oh, I dunno.” Taro lets out a groan as the girl on his shoulder stirs slightly, “You just didn’t look, well,
alive, man.”
“I can assure you that I’m very much alive, Taro.” I wasn’t expecting anything less scientific from Hisao, but surely he gets the point?
“No man, not alive alive; I mean real
alive, alive, you know?”
“I have absolutely no idea what you just tried to say. That genuinely made my brain hurt.”
Unusually persistent, Taro continues his obtuse explanation, with intensifying thumps. “Shuffling around isn’t living, man. Zombies shuffle too or whatever.”
I feel Hisao's body shift as he lifts his coffee with the arm opposite to the one I’m resting on. “I, um, I guess, sorry.” He sighs, making a quiet sipping noise as he drinks. I can tell from his voice that he’s racking his brain to understand this. I think he does—just 'dead' isn’t how he’d describe it. Maybe
metaphysical.
I think what Taro meant, was that whatever brought Hisao here clearly took something out of him, though it would likely be a bit patronising to bring it up now. Besides, zombie boy’s a comfy fella, so I just keep my mouth shut.
I wouldn’t exactly say he’s come back to life just yet, but maybe,
just maybe, he’s getting there.
“Anyway, dude, you got any hobbies? Never seen you play soccer with the guys or anything.” Taro either picks up that Hisao isn’t getting it, or he just can’t be bothered anymore. Probably the latter.
“I can’t really play soccer anymore, though I never played it much anyway, bar a few games with my old friends,” Wait what? He physically
can’t play soccer anymore? “Reading is probably the closest thing I have to a hobby. Yourself?”
“Ah well, you can probably tell I’m not into the whole exercise thing, I normally get these two to cook with me, which by the way, is a club if you’re still club-less.” I don’t have to open my eyes to see Taro’s winking, it’s a strange habit of his.
“I’ll consider it, though I’ve always seen it as a necessity more than anything, honestly. I used to cook for myself a lot with both my parents working long hours.” Hisao and Taro’s conversation borders on unknown territory. I still know very little about Hisao’s past after all.
“I never really had that problem, my parents were normally home before I was, my mother was at least, but my paps paid me in interest for any late nights.” Taro takes another long sip of coffee. “A fishing trip every month was enough for me.”
“Never been, I and my dad didn’t always see eye to eye.”
Things just got a lot more interesting.
“Oh yeah? How come?”
“Well it’s not like there was bad blood. I just feel he saw me as a bit of a burden,” Hisao exhales, relaxing his shoulders and consequently lowering my head a bit. “A side effect of barely seeing your own family is that you stop feeling like family I guess. I was largely independent until I came here.” Other than that night at the festival, this is the only time I’ve seen Hisao confide his feelings.
“Oh man, that sucks! You should phone ’em or something.”
“I probably should,” Hisao sighs, in what appears to be a habit of his. He takes another sip of his coffee, “I’m not even one hundred percent sure I can drink this.”
“What because of your...” Taro presumably taps a part of his body, though with my eyes closed and my head snuggled into Hisao’s shoulder I can’t tell which part it is, I guess it’s too late to open them now. “You told her yet?”
This just keeps getting better and better…
“I uh, I haven’t, should I have?”
Yeah you should have, dude.
“Yeah you should have, dude,”
God that’s creepy, “It’s a pretty big deal, I mean, I’d hate to have erectile dysfunction.”
WHAT.
“Asshole.”
“And proud.”
The quips back and forth confirm that Hisao doesn’t have
‘that’. Though, I mean, it’s not that I’d have minded. Well maybe I would a
little, not that Hisao and I will… well, not that I wouldn’t maybe, at some point, like if-
“AHH.” I jump across the seat, Hisao shaking his hand in apology as warm coffee splashes over my jumper and cheek.
“I’m so,
so sorry.” His frantic apologies drown in the laughter from a crumb covered Taro and a now groggily awake Suzu.
“What did fatass do this time then?” She says, wiping her eyes and stretching her arms out in yawn.
“For once, it wasn’t me.”
“
Wasn’t me? You kicked me in the shin!” In mock anger, Hisao crosses his arm and faces away from the bantering duo.
“Are you sure it wasn’t your erectile dysfunction?” I jibe, brushing as much coffee off my chest as I can with a napkin from the table.
“I uh,” He coughs, breaking the illusion of anger, though it wasn’t very convincing to begin with, “I thought you were asleep. I won’t lie, I don’t have that.”
Hearing this, the rest of us laugh in sync, barely able to stammer out a reply to the now beet red boy. Of course Suzu is the quickest to humiliate him further.
“So you
don’t have a member the length of your arm? There I go, believing rumours again, silly me.”
With the most inappropriate comment so far, Taro stands to leave followed in suit by his narcoleptic girlfri-
friend with benefits.
“You guys leaving?” I ask, well aware that they want a bit of alone time.
“Well someone’s gotta pay, plus you and lover boy could do with the romantic time alone.”
“I wish you’d stop calling me that, Taro,” Hisao responds, “And great, I’m paying, that’s fine.”
“Oh it's fine is it, well then you don’t need any money?” Taro chimes, dropping a handful of thousand yen bills onto the table despite his comment.
Hisao looks astonished by the riches thrown so callously onto the table, but before he can tie his words together, Suzu and her anchor hobble out into the night.
“I wouldn’t worry about the money,” I say, craning my neck to the right. “His parents own a huge restaurant chain. There’s one in the city I think.”
“That’s pretty cool, but he’s left more than enough money here.” He rubs the back of his head with his left hand, almost elbowing my face in the process, his right hand sliding bills across as he counts. “Well, at least I think he has, I haven’t seen a menu anywhere.”
“Oh, trust me, that’s enough,” I laugh. “In fact you could buy another coffee if you wanted.”
His eyes turn to meet mine, a devious smile forms on his lips.
God, that’s handsome.
“You know I think I will.”
**********************************************************************************
“Holding hands shares body heat.”
“Is that so? You must be endothermic,” he replies. Ha, nice try, Hisao!
“You mean exothermic, dear.” That last word kind of slips out.
“I, I do. And, '
dear', really?” I was really hoping he hadn’t heard me say that. Though luck hasn’t exactly been on my side in spades lately.
The heat drowns my cheeks. Suddenly the night sky seems so inviting. I tip my neck up, and listen to the artificial click and natural thump of our legs walking together, as it fills the night air.
Thousands of stars dance above us, hung up like fairy lights in a child’s room. Hisao tilts his head upwards as well, a strand of his brown hair bending from its usual irritating position. There are a million things I want to say to him, a word for every star. The playful squeeze he gives my hand grabs my attention and my eyes lock with his: the two stars that are his eyes.
We’re just two in a million lights.
Hisao sighs in the air, twisting our bodies to face each other and accentuating his height advantage over me.
The romantic tension is killing me. Every sci-fi film I’ve seen is screaming at me from inside, ‘this is the corny science line, here it comes.’ But he doesn’t say anything, just stands with me, under a blanket of stars.
He brushes a loose strand of hair from cheek, his fingers tracing it as he does.
THRUSTERS ON JUMP MODE THIS MIGHT BE IT.
“I’ve been here for two weeks, and I still don’t really know what to make, of all this,” His voice quivers as he visibly chooses his words. I hadn’t expected this. “I just wanted to say thanks: if you guys hadn’t taken me in. I’d be even more lost.” His forced chuckle doesn’t ease the tension, especially since his other hand has somehow grabbed my own.
This feels…weird. I’ve never really felt this strongly for a guy before. Hisao still feels so far away, despite how close our bodies are. It’s sad that he only has us to confide in, some cosmic force still grips onto him and I just can’t shake what Taro said earlier.
What was it he meant to tell me?
“What should you have told me?” Hisao flinches a little, clearly stunned by my sudden change of topic. Maybe that was a
little rude.
You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs or, or whatever.
“It’s uh, it’s about why I’m here.” He coughs.
Oh.
“I, I have um...” he lets go of my left hand and paws at his chest, looking everywhere but my eyes.
“... arrhythmia.” He states this more flatly than usual, his eyes darting back to my gaze, and biting his lower lip.
“Wh-What’s that?” I don’t mean to stutter but I also can’t help but feel I’ve crossed some line by bringing this up.
And it had been such a good night as well.
I half expect an angry response, but Hisao merely narrows his brows and moves his hand from his chest to his hair, making a long wave through it.
“It’s a heart condition. Basically my heart beats abnormally and I could die from a sudden smack to the chest.”
Oh.
Earlier in the week, when Taro whacked Hisao, even playfully, that could... he could have…
I feel my arms wrap around his waist before I even register my body moving. His arms stay suspended in the air for a couple of moments before he lowers them onto my shoulders. Somewhat returning my hug and somewhat just accepting it. My head buries into his chest, subconsciously searching for a beat.
It’s there all right. And it’s
terrifying. Like an arthritic ballet, its beauty matches its pain.
A million lights shine coldly from a million lightyears away.
Suddenly two in a million lights don’t shine as bright.
Artwork by Fermatiauda
Contents Next
[/bullshittery]
