Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Zarys]

Well, the lack of response was strange so maybe I said something disturbing So I wanted to be sure to clarify what I meant.

[LilyKitsune]

Ugh. I feel like every one of these moments makes me feel more certain that i wont make it. That hopes were silly for me to have. That I'm just stuck this way with no hope of being seen as anything but a big ugly hulking thing. Having an asterisk next to what I am is already hard. Having my appearance and boringness and situation makes it impossible. But its that bit of desite that kills me. The want to be seen and accepted and have some contact by someone who... can actually see me. But it wont happen. And as soon as I can get rid of that desire, I can stop torturing myself.

[Zarys]

Yeah, some people are just inherently screwed up

[Charmant]

Yeah, some people are just inherently screwed up

True but unhelpful...Also not really applicable to this situation...

[LilyKitsune]

Yeah, some people are just inherently screwed up

Um... what?

[azumeow]

I'm so close to the edge. I bombed two tests (calculus and physics) and unless my teachers cut some serious slack and let me make up work and stuff, I'm done. I'm out. My scholarship goes, and I lose all of my friends because I'll be forced to move two hours away from them. My roommate will need to find someone else to take care of the bills and rent, and breaking the lease isn't going to be fun.

I'm gonna try to study harder and all, but fuck. It's hard. I still have sleep issues, I get nightmares still, I have trouble focusing and I'm in so much fucking pain. My legs, SOMEHOW, are getting even worse. At this rate, I'll be in a wheelchair by my graduation. Assuming I graduate.

The back-up plan, assuming I have to drop out, is to go to a technical school or state college and finish my degree, then get a job and make my own way. I really, REALLY do not want to move back in with my family. They are simply so unpleasant to be around, and now it's even worse because I'm falling apart in just about every way and my parents feel bad for me. Hearing THAT was great. If there was one thing I never wanted, it was pity. Especially from my family.

Oh well. I just have to push my nose to the grindstone, and if I can manage that B average, this won't matter. But it's not gonna be easy. These late nights are gonna be a little different soon enough, but hopefully it'll pay off. I just have to grovel and beg enough to get my teachers to give me a shot.

[Zarys]

Yeah, some people are just inherently screwed up

True but unhelpful...Also not really applicable to this situation...

What ? If i had goodly understand his/her post, he/she (don't know if she is female or gay/bi, but some of his/her previous posts talk was about dating guys) just talked about the fact that he/she was sad because of certain things he/she can't change, yeah some people are just uglier and more boring than some others; I don't say that " help " is useless because sometimes some people have problems that can be solved; you can says to a fat guy to loss weight, but not of someone who has a bad face or is too short for example.
Still better than pretend the opposite and ignore the cases where it's obiously false; I'm still the only one to have answer to him/her, sooo...I think I can interpret it like that since nobody has said something to help him/her.

But yeah, it was certainly more a tought inspired by his/her post than an answer to his/her post.

Yeah, some people are just inherently screwed up

Um... what?

This is not what you are complaining ? no matter what you do , it don't works ?



*azumeow : I advise you to try all the way, I am often narrowly passed, it's not possible to have a private teacher or something like that ? I'm in the equivalent of the year before the year you get graduation and I love lost a year by thinking I wouln't get two failures and they let me go with a failure in math, the second with my PT I have passed (still narrowly) and now this year seems to begins fine. (but since I repetead too one year from elementary school, I will be 19 in december and 20 for the last year; a bit weird but it don't matters since I don't looks like a 18th at all so the others wouldn't knows and i'm certainly many much more retarded than most of them so maybe it counterbalance rather than I was with older ones)
I don't know your parents , but I don't think having school problems is "pitiful " or parents would have pity on their child if they have a problem like this.

[Charmant]

but not of someone who has a bad face or is too short for example.

Okay, I'm gonna get one thing outta the way real quick: "I'm still the only one to have answer to him/her, sooo...I think I can interpret it like that since nobody has said something to help him/her. " - Stop that. Christ. You're not special for giving the first response.

Second: "A bad face" or "too short" are both hugely subjective traits. To say someone who might be too short or not that pretty (both opinions, making your claim even more awful) is "inherently screwed up" is an incredibly shitty thing to say. They're not "inherently screwed up", you're just a terrible and judgmental person. Or a misunderstanding one who should think through their words more.

And being boring isn't even an unchangeable thing (neither is "ugly" in many cases - mind I'm not familiar with Kitsune's exact issue) so I'm not entirely sure you understand the word "inherent".

[LilyKitsune]

but not of someone who has a bad face or is too short for example.

Okay, I'm gonna get one thing outta the way real quick: "I'm still the only one to have answer to him/her, sooo...I think I can interpret it like that since nobody has said something to help him/her. " - Stop that. Christ. You're not special for giving the first response.

Second: "A bad face" or "too short" are both hugely subjective traits. To say someone who might be too short or not that pretty (both opinions, making your claim even more awful) is "inherently screwed up" is an incredibly shitty thing to say. They're not "inherently screwed up", you're just a terrible and judgmental person. Or a misunderstanding one who should think through their words more.

And being boring isn't even an unchangeable thing (neither is "ugly" in many cases - mind I'm not familiar with Kitsune's exact issue) so I'm not entirely sure you understand the word "inherent".

Its funny, that's probably like what I would have said if it was to someone else. I just cant feel that way for my own sake though.

[All < Hanako]

Greetings Hanako's Broken Heart Club.

I was made aware of this thread's existence today from 'Guest Poster', the author of the fan fiction called 'Sisterhood: True Edition' (which by the way I recommend to anyone who read Hanako's or Lilly's route and was deeply moved) after having confided in him my appreciation of his work and the powerful emotions he was able to evoke from me through his touching story. This was a rather lengthy reply as the past couple of days have been a little emotionally unstable for me. To my regret I overwhelmed him in my response and so I was swift to make sure that I left him my apologies and my assurance that my experience reading his story was overall heart-warming. In his reply however, he was kind enough to suggest to me

a thread called "Hanako's Broken Heart Club" in the public forum where people express the sentiments you've posted just now and encourage each other to do something positive with it. I hope you can follow in their footsteps.

So here I am now, not exactly sure what I hope to accomplish at this point but, I just feel like I need someone or something, to confide in and I need help moving past these recent emotions that have arisen. Here is the response that I left two days ago after reading 'Sisterhood: True Edition'.

Dear Author,

On a rather gloomy night feeling more lonely than I usually am I was contemplating whether or not I should reread Katawa Shoujo or seek out fan fiction from a writer with similar writing style or prowess (Please excuse me for being an amateur within the realms of literature. I do not read often). I was hesitant between the two options because after reading Katawa Shoujo I was left with a void in my heart and, I was not sure if I could find a fan fiction that was good enough to fill that void. Of course, I decided to go with the latter - or I wouldn't be here making this reply - and after only some brief research, I found that "Sisterhood: True Edition' was one of the most renowned and recommended (I was of course also searching for a fan fiction based off Hanako's path). Despite the praise and popularity around your fan fiction,without an interface or pictures or even without music due to my negligence to read all of your instructions, I was unsure if I would be able to enjoy it the same way I did Katawa Shoujo. However, to my most pleasant surprise it captured me the moment I started reading and I began reading for nights on end - about a week of almost non-stop reading - until I finished it as of Monday, October 20th 2014. This has been one of the most moving stories I have ever read in my life. I cannot express to you enough thanks for taking your time to write it out and to offer it for all of Katawa Shoujo's fans and audiences to read. Whether or not you decide to read this and, in an effort to vent some of my own emotions and thoughts I want to give you my feedback.

First of all I wanted to commend you for your writing style. Although at times I thought dialogue or thoughts between characters seemed a little uncharacteristic of themselves, I thought you did an overall excellent job of staying true to their personalities. Never did I feel completely alienated from the Katawa Shoujo style or from lack of attention to each character's traits. Whether it be Lilly's pride or Hanako's apprehension most of the time you were spot on.

Which brings me to my next point. I thought that shifting first person perspective from character to character was an absolutely amazing touch and I don't think that your story could have been conveyed any better way - or at all for that matter considering how deep the reader is taken into each character's thoughts and personality. At first I had to admit that I was a bit hesitant at first especially when you described sexual content from Hanako's point of view (I'm a guy) but, everything worked out perfectly including the latter.

Of course writing style or reading perspective would not have mattered at all if you didn't have great ideas to begin with which you definitely did. As most of your fans probably mention and as you briefly mentioned in your introductory post, the original Katawa Shoujo Hanako route did not provide enough closure. It was almost like a sneak-peak to an amazing start of a story.. but that was it. Your plot brought out the preview and completely embellished everything about it - including bonuses ! Coming in to this fan fiction I only expected it to be from Hisao's point of view and, I only expected to learn more about Hanako but instead, you also considered the strengths, weaknesses, thoughts and background of every other character as well bringing forth a mixture of their conflicts and resolutions as well that reside WITHIN the overall Hanako arc of her overcoming her post-traumatic stress and anxieties. Everything mingles perfectly together and as a result there is a stronger sense of family and unity within the plot - similar to much of the plot itself ! Each one of them experiences their own hardships but together they make it through. It's really just so beautiful..

Which is why at the end I couldn't help but cry uncontrollably. So many endeavors that Hanako, Hisao, Lilly and everyone else goes through to be resolved at the end with joyous celebration creating an unbreakable bond and an unconditional love.. only to end. To be left with a good bye and thank you. Good bye. Thank you. Those last words hit me so hard. I didn't want it to end. I still don't want it to end. I want to be there with them at their sides every step of the way. To experience the hardships with them to be resolved in unconditional love. And then I realize that it's just a story. It's only fiction. Yet, never in my life have I ever felt more connected to a group of 'people'. The way you brought forth these characters.. Hisao, Lily, Hanako, Akira.. all of them.. were so vivid in my mind that every time I read your story it felt so real to me. It felt like I belonged among them whether or not I placed myself from Hisao's perspective or from a bystander perspective, it felt like I was there. Like I experienced all of their ordeals with them. So when it finished, I was left with so much despair. It felt like my life was over and another void had been ripped into my heart. I didn't go to school or do anything the next day. I stayed home and just wallowed in my self-pity. It's really despicable. Even now I can't get over the fact that it was all just a story. I can't get these characters out of my head and every time I think about them, every time I think about these experiences you've created, it feels like a memory of something real.

You have no idea how much you've touched me. Even before reading this, the original Katawa Shoujo already earned its own special place in my heart - void or not - and now Siterhood: True Edition takes its own place as well. I don't expect you to read this but, I can't stop myself from writing this out and I want to show you just, how much you moved me.

In my Grade 11 year of highschool I was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. It wasn't anything permanent and it wasn't as life threatening as many of the disabilities many of the characters in Katawa Shoujo or, even real life for that matter but, it was enough to place me in a hospital ward for a month and to leave me at home for the rest of the school year. I really didn't make anything of it when I received the news as, I was already really depressed before then and to be honest there might have been times when I hoped it would take my life. Things in my life at the moment were already not really working out for me.

The highschool I went to is one of the top high schools in my province and there is a very high standard set among all students. Everyone I knew was a prodigy of some sort. Everyone was great at everything. Except me. I don't even know how I got passed my audition but, in the midst of everyone else I really was a nobody. The only thing I really had was a close group of friends whom I ate lunch with everyday - Jadie, Richard and Lucia. For a moment, it seemed like our friendship was reaching a peek. Or at least I think so. We had done many things together and we even confided in each other a few times, especially when Jadie was considering moving schools. I think, given enough time, we might have even been as close as Lilly, Hisao and Hanako. However, as the months went on and high school started to become more difficult, I started drifting away from them. I couldn't keep up the same way the could in the courses they took and I would end up dropping most of them for different courses. Being a very academic bunch - one of them even received a 20,000 dollar scholarship during our last year - our conversations very heavily revolved around our school work besides our usual small talk. I started to become just the clown of the bunch. I couldn't keep up with them in our studies and so I tried really hard in other ways to make up for that. It was never really the same and we stopped having the same intimate conversations we would usually have and so, when I was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer I was really non-chalant about it.

At the time I thought that as long as I could get away to my room and play games away from the rest of the world I wouldn't have any worries and so when I had to stay home for the remainder of the year it was more a relief than anything because I no longer had to stress out about doing well in school, keeping up with my friends or trying to get past the awkwardness between us that suddenly arose. I secluded myself from the rest of the world and, when I came back for my final year after being home schooled, that's exactly what the rest of the world did from me.

Like Hisao, people would visit me at the ward, visit me at home, send me cards and what not but ultimately the world kept spinning and I was stuck in the past. When I came back my group of friends went on by themselves and I became a stranger to them. A stranger to everyone for that matter. When I talked to people they didn't treat me like an equal but instead they perceived me as 'that guy who got cancer' and they would treat me like china glass. Nervous smiles, small talk, I could no longer confide in anyone or talk to anyone as a friend. At the time I don't think it hit me as hard because I didn't mind the seclusion and, it also let me focus a bit more my studies and to improve some of my academic habits but, now it's hitting me more than ever.

I'm now in university for my first year and I am miserable. It's almost like a repeat of high school where, I somehow managed to get into a one of the top 20 universities in the world, surrounded by people with multitudes of talent but, this time, I have no friends. I have no one to confide in. I have nothing to work for. I thought I was changing my life around when I started increasing my grades but, I realize now that what's the point if I don't have anything to look forward to ? If I have nobody that I can love unconditionally who loves me back the same way. I lost my Lilly, Hisao and Hanako. Unlike Hisao, I wasn't able to repair myself after being broken and now It's as if I'm just the 'bad route ending' to a visual novel story. I'm truly, truly alone.

Which is why your story hit me so hard. It was after my experience with cancer, during my final year that I finished reading Katawa Shoujo. Reading your story was like I had caught up with friends of the past. I could relive the memories of reading Katawa Shoujo with an even richer story and a stronger sense of belonging or mattering. I can't express enough how real you've made these characters in my mind and how powerful you've been able to touch me. I don't know whether or not this feeling is negative or positive as I am trying to use it as a source of inspiration but, none the less I will never forget reading Sisterhood: True Edition. You can ensure that you have a permanent fan waiting for whatever it is you write next. Until then, I will keep reading Sisterhood: True Edition until I no longer can.

Thank You.

[metalangel]

Welcome, All < Hanako.

Your story... I'm not sure what to say. I hope by letting all that out you've found some peace.

[All < Hanako]

It's okay.. I guess I'm a bit overwhelming and, I don't even know what I expected out of this either. However yes, I have been feeling a bit better after getting it off my chest.

[Ranyel]

Everybody can eventually found his place in this world. There is maybe some people at your university who also feel alone but want have friends ? Have you tried to talk to persons like that ?

Your history seems to be a bit similar with what I'm living now, but mine is less severe. I also wanted to post here, so let's go...
(I'm french and I don't speak english very well, so sorry if my sentences are a bit odd...)

I always been shy and introverted. I known most of my friends by other friends, so hang over with new ones seems difficult to me. Anyway, at the end of high school, I decided to go into computer sciences. At the same time, I decided to live alone in a flat (but my parents still help me and I see them every two weeks). I thought that I were able to work better, and focus on my studies. I was wrong. I was quite good in sciences but computer science wasn't my domain. Making friends wasn't that difficult, but they are moke like fellows than real friends, and the fact that I'm introverted and that this forming isn't my place prevent me to be closer with them. I'll never confide to them. Also, I became a bit distant with my friends of high school, I still talk to them but I'll not confide to them too. There is almost no girl in my forming so I can't get a girlfriend too. I felt stucked. Some evenings, there was a storm in my mind, like "I want to talk to someone, I want to scream, to beat something, but I CAN'T." Alone in my flat, I was like an animal in cage. So I decided to finish this year my 2years forming to do a licence in physics, discipline that I prefer. Maybe this new start could make me encounter friends and success. But there was also an another problem : since high school, I had serious focus problems, and it gets even worse subsequently.

To fix these problems, I started to see a psychiatrist. I only had 2 sessions with her so I don't know if it will be efficient or no. This decision was precipitated by Katawa Shoujo. Yes, once I finished Hanako's route, I realized that I was in lag with reality because of my miserundestandings with many people, that I lack of someone to confide, to love, to make me have a goal in life, someone to live for. I was furious against myself, to have fucked everything like that. I finally saw my mistakes : "Why I haven't tried to know my neighbors ? Why I didn't go out with friends of my class in my first year ? etc". So I thought about my childhood. In fact, I always been alone. My sister was too old and in her adolescent period, so we weren't so close. My brother was autist so my parents spent all their time with him. I liked to play alone a lot in my room, and I hadn't a lot a friends, in school and the little I had became hostile to me when I was 15. So this is maybe the reason that I'm so introverted.

Anyway, I know that it's easy to me to say that but don't give up. Next year I think that I'll try to be know my neighbors, to talk to a lot of people at university, especially those who seems to feel alone (without push them of course) to help them as they help me. It's never too late to get some friends.

I hope my poorly written telling had helped you.

Edit : Feel free to talk to me in private if you want, but I think that's it's ok here

[Zarys]

Okay, I'm gonna get one thing outta the way real quick: "I'm still the only one to have answer to him/her, sooo...I think I can interpret it like that since nobody has said something to help him/her. " - Stop that. Christ. You're not special for giving the first response.

Second: "A bad face" or "too short" are both hugely subjective traits. To say someone who might be too short or not that pretty (both opinions, making your claim even more awful) is "inherently screwed up" is an incredibly shitty thing to say. They're not "inherently screwed up", you're just a terrible and judgmental person. Or a misunderstanding one who should think through their words more.

And being boring isn't even an unchangeable thing (neither is "ugly" in many cases - mind I'm not familiar with Kitsune's exact issue) so I'm not entirely sure you understand the word "inherent".

First point : I don't said i was special but since nobody answered to him, it could means that nobody here thinks he can change his problems.

Second : It was more to present two unchangeable things who can screw up some people in their life (even if they don't have less value as person, obviously) and since some people are called "boring" their whole live so I can assume it's unchangeable for some people; or more generaly can't really works socialy, do you think they are just lazy ? it's more than if you are deficit in it, you will ever be less good than those who start with more talent, (It's like sport : even with all the training in world, you will be less good than those with more genetic good stuff because they can have training too, and if you are less than average, you will remains less than average) unless it's caused by a very specific and fixable problem. (With the sport analogy : obviously if you are only bad because you have a sprained ankle and not because your heart is too speed, your bodytype not good for it,ect...)
And obviously, there are people who are less good than most people, and if it's painfull in itself, you will be abused by people and the society your whole life. (for example if you are dumb, you will be poor with a horrible job, even if being dumb don't makes you deserving to lives badly, you are not less human for that but it's not how life works)

And there are objectively ugly people...yeah in many cases they can be better (if they are ugly because they are fat or reason like that; but if many people don't are attracted to someone who has a bad face or is too short, they can't change it; and can you denies that a men who is like shorter than most women would be not less attractive for most women than if he has the same but taller ? against I have nothing against short people but it was just a example, somewhat comparable to the "too fat, a remarkable trait who can be a big no for many people but who isn't changeable like being fat; I don't even speak about "bad face"...obviously some people aren't attractive and not only because they are neglected : their body, their face,ect...said the opposite would be deny that they are less than average looking people) but sometimes not, and what you would sait to someone who is really and definitevely ugly and is unhappy because it ? and you don't think that someone who is ugly for example, or poor,ect..is not screwed up in his life and the society ? it's a bit the problem, everyone says we should be "happy" (and whatever your problems or how shitty is your life, you are somewhat weak to can't do it if you listen most people) without thinking about the problems who can makes it impossible and aren't changeable and it's easy to fall into spirals of total failure. (if you fail to studies, you can be stuck with two, three or more shitty jobs, no time for get better,ect..it's a example)

Some people are just cursed.

Its funny, that's probably like what I would have said if it was to someone else. I just cant feel that way for my own sake though.

Because when you thinks about your own case, you knows that this kind of discourse are false (or you knows when it's false in your case), it's normal, when you thinks about other's problem, you don't really understand them and you can find excuses, believe that this is due to specific and fixable things (and in many cases they are), but when you are you, you knows if your problems are permanent or not.
In the latter case, the only thing that really matters is if you find your life bearable anyway, if you find it relatively pleasant enough (if the price is worth it) to continues or not; if the joy-suffering balance is negative, if your life are you forced to endures it ? what is the interest ? I think there are things you can't deal with; or you don't want to deal with; but you are the only one to knows if it's your case or not.

[Charmant]

some people are called "boring" their whole live so I can assume it's unchangeable for some people...And there are objectively ugly people

I skimmed and picked these two bits because they were especially ridiculous.

Protip: Some people calling a guy boring doesn't make it an inherent unchangeable fact, no matter how persistent they are about it. And it is increasingly apparent that you have very little to no clue what the term "objective" (or, by extension, "subjective") means so...Yeah.

@All<Hanako: That story is...Something. Hope venting helps you out.