Katawa Shoujo Forums

Dunno about heavy-handed. My main problem with Rins route is that it seems rather lonely. Theres very little interaction with the other characters like in the other arcs, and for most of the story she barely seems to even acknowledge you.

Lianam wrote: I could just imagine how shocked they'd be when they found out about Hisao and any of the girls...

"Hey Mom, this is Emi!"
"Hel-oh."
"What?"
"Son, she has no legs..."
"So? She really nice, and she is my girlfriend after all..."
"GIRLFRIEND!? Why didn't you tell us about her?"
"Didn't seem important I guess..."
"Didn't seem- how is that not important? *Sigh* I'm sorry, this is a bit of a shock to me. Though it's not like you two had anal sex in a shed..."
"Umm... yeah, about that..."
" "

Negativedarke wrote:Actually the only girl I think Hisao's parents might have a negative reaction to is Lily. They might be a little upset about the whole heart attack thing in her ending.

I know that probably the only negative reaction would be the initial surprise. Not really at the disability part, more of the fact that Hisao never told them about his girlfriend. But I mainly said that to set up a joke.

pandaphil wrote:Dunno about heavy-handed. My main problem with Rins route is that it seems rather lonely. Theres very little interaction with the other characters like in the other arcs, and for most of the story she barely seems to even acknowledge you.

Well loneliness is theme of Rin's route. And she doesn't acknowledge you much because she's focusing all her attention on what YOU convinced her to do. You interact why her a lot in Act 2, but not so much until after the exhibition.

This was really well done you deserve a medal

I, like many others, just made my account on this forum to tell you how great your work is; I read this about a week ago so if I'm a little sketchy or inaccurate on some specifics then I apologize.

The part that really stuck with me (more than anything else) is the scene on the rooftop where Hisao lets Hanako know that even after she failed to show up at the meeting place, that he still wishes to continue where they both left off. The act of Hisao to not let their failed meeting get in the way of their relationship and in addition to not even place any blame on Hanako for the occurrence was an extremely human act. Many people in real life as well as fiction tend to do something that I don't know what else to call besides "worshiping words." Some of the people who "worship words" might be the type of person who feels that the fulfillment of promises is more important than assessing the context and situation and then determining if the fulfillment is actually the most suitable thing to do, or the people who hold others too strongly to what they say (as if humans actually have a habit of saying what they mean and meaning what they say), or even the people who let something someone else said pierce through them without ever taking into account that the offensive/complimentary words were perhaps said without the degree of thought, knowledge, and appropriateness that they would need to have in order to actually be accurate. Most of us, including me, might "worship words" to an extent, but Hisao, with help from others (and the fact that Hanako said that she "can't" instead of "don't want to") realized that Hanako's breakup and their failed meetup was simply her phobia-laden reaction to stressful events rather than being her preference.

Hanako is therefore placed at a higher importance than the words she says or her actions under duress. The important thing is that not only is Hanako a girl underneath the scarring, but she's also a girl underneath her panic attacks and anxieties. Hanako didn't want to be viewed by Hisao or Lilly as a set of problems that needed to be cradled ... but if Hisao was to give up on Hanako after her breakdown and the failed meetup, then he would be depersonalizing her just as much as when he was white-knighting her; Hanako is neither porcelain nor nitroglycerin and should be seen instead as a complete individual.

The most touching part of your fan-fic is the fact that Hisao let Hanako know that they were on equal footing. Both are limited and both of their limitations may be parts of themselves, but neither of them are their limitations. They can be there for each other when they can, and they can't be there for each other when they can't; no one is to blame ... it's just the reality of the situation. Throughout the fan-fic they are each learning how to play their role in the relationship and also learning how honesty plays a crucial role in this process.

Honestly, though, if I was in the same position as Hisao I imagine I would have broken the hair clip as a knee-jerk reaction after receiving it in the hospital, but after reading your story I don't think my instinct would be so rash now; the patience that Hisao had to not overreact and also his patience (or perhaps determination) to not let the fact that Hanako didn't meet with him get in their way of what they both wanted (to be together) is something has kept popping up in my mind this past week and is something that is truly worth modelling.

A few more things:

The way you wrote the characters was more than simply doing your research properly ... it's as if you put in the arduous effort to convince yourself that you actually were the characters while you were writing them; they really felt to me like real human beings and remained consistent with who they were in the VN throughout.

Although your story didn't make me break down and start crying like a baby, I put it in the same category as Clannad: After Story and Grave of the Fireflies for the sheer level of humanity contained in it. Of course, by saying that I don't mean to leave out Hanako's good route in KS, but in my mind they converge into a single story (kind of like the relationship between Clannad and Clannad: AS).

Thank you for the story and if you take the time to read this, then thank you once more.

Thanks for the thorough evaluation. You've actually phrased some of the aspects behind that chapter way better than I ever could.

The original Hanako route is great (it's my favorite), although personally I'm a little bit unsatisfied with it, but still it's amazing.
But you sir, have perfected it.

When I read your story, it's like when I play the game itself, minus graphics and sounds.
Your choice of words and sentences, the continuity with original plots, even the characterization.
Shit I even dropped one or two tears when I read chapter 15-16.

Or, are you, by any chance, the developer/writer itself?

I just read through this in one sitting using the suggested songs for each part of the story... I'm speechless to the point that I need to go and have a cigarette and think before I even try to commend you on this wonderful gift you chose to share with us!

The only thing I can really say right now is that the combination of tears and a smile is something I truly don't mind on my face.

I am curious as to whom wrote this given that some ideas in this story share strong connections with "A runners afternoon". I'd even be so bold to suggest that this was actually Crud's doing given that the typing mistakes and choice of words are very similar to "A runners afternoon" as well.

Thanks for the kind words.

Or, are you, by any chance, the developer/writer itself?

Nope. Cpl_Crud and Suriko are the ones responsible for writing Hanako's route and I'm neither of them. I don't even live in Australia.

I am curious as to whom wrote this given that some ideas in this story share strong connections with "A runners afternoon". I'd even be so bold to suggest that this was actually Crud's doing given that the typing mistakes and choice of words are very similar to "A runners afternoon" as well.

If there were any typing mistakes you noticed, feel free to point them out so I can correct them.

As for the choice of words...that has to be a coincidence. I read "a runners afternoon" quite some time ago, but wouldn't be able to remember how things were worded in that story if you held a gun to my head.

I'd like to say the slight similarity between a certain event in runners afternoon and a certain event in this story is a complete coincidence...Hisao is a heart patient after all and Hanako is prone to break down under duress, so the consequence of Hisao having a serious heart episode in front of Hanako is something that seems almost guaranteed to happen eventually in a relationship between them and it's something they'd have to face at some point or another. That said, I do remember reading runners afternoon and frowning a bit at the way some things turned out.

In that story, Hisao had a heart attack in front of Hanako while they were staying at the summer house of Lilly's parents and had to be hospitalized. Since Hanako didn't come to visit him during his stay in the hospital, he assumed she gave up on him. Hanako, after her breakdown, ended up in a mental ward and when Hisao didn't contact her, assumed he gave up on her. The relationship collapsed somewhat overnight and the two never tried to contact each other until they met many years later by coincidence. I had two misgivings with that turn of events. Hisao knew Hanako was prone to breakdowns and should have known having a heart attack in front of her might cause her to have a severe relapse that might explain her absence. Likewise, the fact they were staying at a place owned by Lilly's family meant the two of them were still in contact with Lilly and there's no way Lilly would allow them to drift apart without ever speaking again after an event such as this...she'd do whatever she could to talk to both of them and patch things up, that's just the way she is.

I don't think runner's afternoon was in the back of my mind when I wrote the last part of Sisterhood, but I think my misgivings with the story were.

I'd have to agree with you that "A runners afternoon" did leave a lot of questions regarding why their relationship dissolved so easily. I guess I meant certain things reminded me of the other story, rather then being overly coincidental. In comparison to "A runners afternoon" though I do feel that you went above and beyond to address lots of different issues and scenarios. I am majorly impressed by your work here and enjoyed very much. Sorry if I have offended you at all, comparing two pieces like this is not the best idea given what each piece set out to accomplish, but honestly I prefer yours.

In regards to the typos and such there were a couple places that were missing an entire word or a word would repeat itself where it was meant to be a different. Nothing major, but I cant really remember off the top of my head where they were.

Fealow wrote:I just read through this in one sitting using the suggested songs for each part of the story...

What suggested songs do you mean?

Fealow wrote:I am curious as to whom wrote this given that some ideas in this story share strong connections with "A runners afternoon". I'd even be so bold to suggest that this was actually Crud's doing given that the typing mistakes and choice of words are very similar to "A runners afternoon" as well.

Fealow wrote:I'd have to agree with you that "A runners afternoon" did leave a lot of questions regarding why their relationship dissolved so easily. I guess I meant certain things reminded me of the other story, rather then being overly coincidental. In comparison to "A runners afternoon" though I do feel that you went above and beyond to address lots of different issues and scenarios.

Jeez.. I know this A Runner's Afternoon from you (very thanks though) but don't you know that the first part is written long time ago (ca. 2009 if I'm not mistaken) before the final version of KS is released? So the story is not "official".

Guest Poster wrote:Thanks for the kind words.

Or, are you, by any chance, the developer/writer itself?

Nope. Cpl_Crud and Suriko are the ones responsible for writing Hanako's route and I'm neither of them. I don't even live in Australia. :)

I'm sorry for my rude behavior. It's just like any other said, this fiction of yours is the best KS fan fiction.
Not that I read many of them. I just landed here from KS wikia when some users said about Sisterhood. So I came here.

Sorry if I have offended you at all, comparing two pieces like this is not the best idea given what each piece set out to accomplish, but honestly I prefer yours.

I don't think anybody on this board would be offended if his work was being compared to the work of one of the people who brought us KS. Rest assured I was not at all offended. Quite the opposite.

What suggested songs do you mean?

This one. Unfortunately, it's a very cumbersome principle...selecting songs while switching back and forth between the fanfic and a slightly spoiler-filled list. I've been working on a better way to incorporate music into the fic, but it's still a little while off.

Jeez.. I know this A Runner's Afternoon from you (very thanks though) but don't you know that the first part is written long time ago (ca. 2009 if I'm not mistaken) before the final version of KS is released? So the story is not "official".

Oh, we know it's not official. The devs said nothing outside of the actual game is canon. Nobody was suggesting it was.

And really, you weren't rude.

Okay, never read "Runners Afternoon", but really that synopsis makes it sound like the author was going for Angst for the sake of Angst, and any sense of causality and common sense be damned.

I'm not sure if that's what Cpl_Crud was going for since there wasn't much angst in the story itself...the story itself takes place many years after they went their separate ways (Hanako even went through a failed marriage) and I think the main emotion that could be felt was regret for the way things turned out after they finally hear each other's version of the story.

That said, the notion of Hanako marrying her therapist at the asylum for some time felt extremely creepy almost to the point of pedophilia to me. (even though it's a different thing and the story justified it somewhat) It's somewhat possible that I had some of that in the back of my mind when I had Miss Yumi reject Hanako's offer of friendship so soundly.

Guest Poster wrote:I'm not sure if that's what Cpl_Crud was going for since there wasn't much angst in the story itself...the story itself takes place many years after they went their separate ways ...................................................... and I think the main emotion that could be felt was regret for the way things turned out after they finally hear each other's version of the story.

That said, the notion of ....................................................................... felt extremely creepy almost to the point of pedophilia to me. (even though it's a different thing and the story justified it somewhat) It's somewhat possible that I had some of that in the back of my mind when I had Miss Yumi reject Hanako's offer of friendship so soundly.

No no no...
That spoiler-ed text is still just an assumption.
I personally have a better explanation for this (coincidentally, one of a commenter already said that).

Remember this things: ARA is still not finished, so let's hope Crud can manage to alleviate this situation.