Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Daitengu]

O.H.L.,

Your mom need professional help. She'll be able to learn ways to exercise her stress and pint up emotions in a more healthy manner than out-bursting at you. Her outbursts are only going to get worse as time goes on.

The trick is figuring out how to get her to realize she needs it. Everyone is different, and I couldn't possibly give you any tips on it without large assumptions.

[Camoufrage]

O.H.L, you arent alone. When I lived with my mother she was nothing but negative to me. Always trying to argue with me for absolutely no reason.

I feel I need to talk about life again for me, just because I still feel like I can't talk to anyone without it biting me in the ass later on.
Lately I've become an insomniac because for no apparent reason all of a sudden I am afraid to lose consciousness, and now most nights I am awake till at least 3 AM.

Same here, cant even sleep some nights. My suggestion for you would be to try laying down very early (around 8pm or so) and do whatever you need to do in your bed. Some say you shouldnt use your bed for anything but sleeping but it has helped me more than you know. You should fall asleep by 10 or so if you try.

I'm also now a little afraid of going out in public because I feel like my acne and acne scars are horrible disfigurations and that people will hate me for showing my ugly mug in public, I feel like a horrid monster that needs to stay in a dark dank cave to save the public from what I really am.

Maybe you should see a doctor and get it treated somehow. Unlike Hanako, you can be helped, buddy. It might take a while and it may hurt but it can go away. Fortunately my skin has always been pretty good, without much trouble from acne.

I feel like crap half the time because I think that I'm too ugly to love, and I am constantly having arguments with my Mother about the most pointless things possible.

Best way to get away from arguments like that with your mother. AGREE. just say "Yeah you are right" or something and quit talking. I had the same problem with my mother, she was always like that to me. Truly, there has to be a problem with your mother just like mine did. For example, my mother felt unloved because she can never have a long-term relationship (which is really her fault for being so picky, some of the coolest people Ive ever met have been her exes). SO my guess is maybe your mom has some inside problems she needs help with. Therapy? It sure as hell helped me and my dad. He stopped talking to me after I stole A LOT of money from him back in 8th grade. We are now basically best friends.
And you are NOT too ugly to love. There are people out there for you, you just need to start looking. Im not the best at advice on love, though, as I have a terrible experience with it. BUT Im sure you can find someone, someone who truly loves you can look past your physical problems (and Im sure your a decent looking guy besides the acne anyways).

She'll make fun of me for no reason at times. She'll laugh when I screw a word up, which is VERY common for me because I generally speak very fast. I isolate myself in my room just to get away from her, I hate her with all my being and I have been feeling detached from the rest of my family for years. She gets angry at me for nothing, then wonders why I start yelling back at her and pretends she was never yelling.

This makes me so sad. I dont know if you are doing the right thing by avoiding her. CONFRONT her about it, tell her to stop. You have good reason to be angry at her. If she keeps going, point out her flaws. Sure thats not a way to treat your parent, but what shes doing is not the right way to treat a child. Yeah, this is a pretty unorthodox suggestion, but you are in a very unorthodox situation, and it calls for some unique solutions that may not be considered polite.

Also, tell me how this has helped you. I plan on going into a career with therapy and helping people with social and mental problems. Feedback would help me out SO much

[Daitengu]

This makes me so sad. I dont know if you are doing the right thing by avoiding her. CONFRONT her about it, tell her to stop. You have good reason to be angry at her. If she keeps going, point out her flaws. Sure thats not a way to treat your parent, but what shes doing is not the right way to treat a child. Yeah, this is a pretty unorthodox suggestion, but you are in a very unorthodox situation, and it calls for some unique solutions that may not be considered polite.

Also, tell me how this has helped you. I plan on going into a career with therapy and helping people with social and mental problems.

For me, guilt tripping tends to work better. Pointing out my mother's flaws just pissed her off more. Pointing out specific actions she does that cause suffering to me or my bro tends to make her storm off, regret it, and apologize later.

[Camoufrage]

This makes me so sad. I dont know if you are doing the right thing by avoiding her. CONFRONT her about it, tell her to stop. You have good reason to be angry at her. If she keeps going, point out her flaws. Sure thats not a way to treat your parent, but what shes doing is not the right way to treat a child. Yeah, this is a pretty unorthodox suggestion, but you are in a very unorthodox situation, and it calls for some unique solutions that may not be considered polite.

Also, tell me how this has helped you. I plan on going into a career with therapy and helping people with social and mental problems.

For me, guilt tripping tends to work better. Pointing out my mother's flaws just pissed her off more. Pointing out specific actions she does that cause suffering to me or my bro tends to make her storm off, regret it, and apologize later.

That works sometimes, but my mother was relentless. Im kind of thinking of his mother as the same way as mine. She would NOT stop until I was in tears or out of her house unless I fought back. Its his decision to choose what he thinks is a good idea to deal with his mother, but his sounds a lot like mine, and this helped me a ton.

[Daitengu]

That works sometimes, but my mother was relentless. Im kind of thinking of his mother as the same way as mine. She would NOT stop until I was in tears or out of her house unless I fought back. Its his decision to choose what he thinks is a good idea to deal with his mother, but his sounds a lot like mine, and this helped me a ton.

Oh, there's ways of saying the truth can can hurt more than anything else.

"I'm sorry that you feel so bad and out of control of your own life that you have to verbally abuse your own son to feel better." "Are you going off on me to give me an invalid complex and rely on you for the rest of my life, or are you pushing me away so that you lose me on your own terms?" "Just remember that if you keep brow beating me so you can keep me in the house to not feel alone, you'll one day be all alone and bitter, and only have yourself to blame."

Then walk out like a boss ignoring what happens.

I remember doing stuff as a teen just to get my mom pissed off for a legitimate reason instead of her venting her divorce frustrations at me. It was funner at anyrate. Sneaking out, skipping class, cranking up the music, then sneaking out my window while my mom yells at an empty room, etc. Just stay away from the heavy drugs, that crap can kill ya. People dance to death on X, cocaine kills heart tissue, acid fries your brain, etc. I'm sure you had health class by now.

[Camoufrage]

That works sometimes, but my mother was relentless. Im kind of thinking of his mother as the same way as mine. She would NOT stop until I was in tears or out of her house unless I fought back. Its his decision to choose what he thinks is a good idea to deal with his mother, but his sounds a lot like mine, and this helped me a ton.

Oh, there's ways of saying the truth can can hurt more than anything else.

"I'm sorry that you feel so bad and out of control of your own life that you have to verbally abuse your own son to feel better." "Are you going off on me to give me an invalid complex and rely on you for the rest of my life, or are you pushing me away so that you lose me on your own terms?" "Just remember that if you keep brow beating me so you can keep me in the house to not feel alone, you'll one day be all alone and bitter, and only have yourself to blame."

Then walk out like a boss ignoring what happens.

I remember doing stuff as a teen just to get my mom pissed off for a legitimate reason instead of her venting her divorce frustrations at me. It was funner at anyrate. Sneaking out, skipping class, cranking up the music, then sneaking out my window while my mom yells at an empty room, etc. Just stay away from the heavy drugs, that crap can kill ya. People dance to death on X, cocaine kills heart tissue, acid fries your brain, etc. I'm sure you had health class by now.

And I just feel like saying, that even though marijuana isnt the worst drug out there, it DOES kill brain cells. So if you want to work at your full potential at school I dont think its a good idea.

[EyesOfLilly]

I think this is why Lilly's path had such an emotional tie to me because I am in the EXACT same boat as Hisao and I can relate to his feelings, a girl that I have strong feelings for just leaving me and the country to be with her family, it was like Lilly's path was based on that event of my life. About a month ago I tried to seize the moment and tell her that I still like her and that I wanted to be with her while I still could before she leaves but I was unfortunately unsuccessful as she told me then that she was already dating somebody else, I felt like she had just tore my still beating heart out of my chest and stamped on it 'till it was flat.

While there is the saying better late than never, you knew it wouldn't end well either way. Atleast you told her so that you don't regret not telling her.

Here's what I wonder. Have you met her boyfriend? I've noticed that sometimes in these situations the person moving lies to try and save their own heartbreak. It usually makes it worse on both parties tho. And if she does have one, she's had him longer than her notification of moving overseas, otherwise she wouldn't have had one.

She is moving, I don't know ages, but chances are she'll go with family if she's not of age. You expressed your feelings yes, but you upgrading to boyfriend status right after she announces she's moving is/was pretty unlikely. Being her boyfriend for the last bit of time you cats got left would just hurt you both. The only thing I can recommend is trying to salvage your relationship so that it can end amicably as friends when she moves, otherwise you both may linger on regrets of bad partings.

I recommend starting out apologizing for not understanding her feelings in such a situation. Because she so losing all her friends, and being uprooted to a whole different land and culture. Learning of your feelings at the last minute like that would already be heartbreaking regardless of dating status. Then try to be friends, and throw a going away party or something if you cats reconcile. Try to see her off on a good note so that neither of you harbor negative feelings.

The future is a mystery, you never know if she'll end up back in town in the future. Wouldn't you want to atleast be able to meet her if it happens? leaving it as is would prevent that from happening.


add: I think that's the best advice I've ever given lol

Thanks to everyone who has replied, in reply to Daitengu, I haven't met her boyfriend per se but I have seen them together and have talked to people who have been with them together so she isn't lying to me that much I know, and you're right I should atleast try to talk to her and see if we can atleast become friends again we may never get as close as we once were again but you're right if I can rekindle just a small amount of our friendship we won't feel as bad/awkward when she does finally leave.

Although, we are both 21 so she could stay behind if she wanted but all in all I think she will go with her family she is that kind of person, and I do wish I could have told her before, see, November last year she gave me major hints that she might have wanted us to get back together (because we previously dated in 2008) but I didn't really catch on to them untill it was too late I was wondering if I should but I chickened out.

To say that it took her telling me she may well being leaving my life for a good amount of time (if not forever) to get my ass in gear and win or lose (in this case lose) tell her how I feel is still kinda bad, I just wish I could've had this thought awhile ago you never know this whole thing coud've turned out so differently.

But thanks everyone I feel alot better and if I can get my friend to atleast talk to me again it's a small victory.

[Mirrormn]

And I just feel like saying, that even though marijuana isnt the worst drug out there, it DOES kill brain cells. So if you want to work at your full potential at school I dont think its a good idea.

No it doesn't, unless you use ~200x normal doses. Otherwise, it just impairs your brain function while under the influence without causing any long-term damage.

[Beoran]

No matter if harmless or not, or socially accepted or not, I think it's a bad idea to use any sorts of drugs to try to deal with a problem. Unless it's on doctor's orders. It's the fastest way to double your problems.

[Camoufrage]

And I just feel like saying, that even though marijuana isnt the worst drug out there, it DOES kill brain cells. So if you want to work at your full potential at school I dont think its a good idea.

No it doesn't, unless you use ~200x normal doses. Otherwise, it just impairs your brain function while under the influence without causing any long-term damage.

Well, you learn something new every day, dont you?

No matter if harmless or not, or socially accepted or not, I think it's a bad idea to use any sorts of drugs to try to deal with a problem. Unless it's on doctor's orders. It's the fastest way to double your problems.

I agree with this. Though Im not gonna ridicule anyone if they smoke marijuana or do some other kind of drug, I just dont think its a good idea to help solve your problem.

[The O.H.L.]

K, I'll just say that I don't actually do any sort of drugs. I have thought about it, oh how I have thought about it, but I haven't tried it and probably won't for a while.

Thanks for the advice. I really needed it. More then you know. Thank you so much. Any help is good help. I feel kind of bad because this was my second time posting I feel like I am distracting from others that want/need to post their stuff.

[Camoufrage]

A little late, EyesOfLilly, but I just saw it...

Recently I have been feeling down, I have had a simelar feeling to this a few years back, where I was really depressed and even had a nervous/mental breakdown and was put on anti-depressants but thankfully I don't think it's as bad this time but this does make me feel like a complete failure.

Ugh, anti-depressants, the ultimate "I-give-up-on-helping-this-person-for-real tool". Doesnt it just feel that way? Therapists can be the worst sometimes. Did it help you, the anti-depressants? They never helped me, just made me jittery.

She told me that she was moving to America with her family due to a family member getting a job that would be a big help to her and her family, I was shocked, shaken for about ten minutes I couldn't even reply to her the thought that she was leaving me and her friends, everything she knew behind to be with her family really shocked me. I felt sick and dazed eventually I managed to reply to her trying to hide my feelings about this.

Yeah, people moving can be hard. Sometimes you dont know the whole story.

About a month ago I tried to seize the moment and tell her that I still like her and that I wanted to be with her while I still could before she leaves but I was unfortunately unsuccessful as she told me then that she was already dating somebody else, I felt like she had just tore my still beating heart out of my chest and stamped on it 'till it was flat.

Okay, now you are just tugging at my heartstrings bro. Girls will do that, ruin your heart. In a lot of ways, they almost arent worth it in the end. ALMOST. I remember girls used to walk all over me.

That moment was the most awkward and heartbreaking moment of my life and the worse part is she hasn't spoke to me since the whole matter was just so awkward that I think it may have ruined our close friendship, I do feel sore about this even now and I am almost glad I didn't tell her that I had fallen in love with her, I think this feeling would have been even worse. So now, I am utterly heartbroken and feel like I should just give up life, and knowing that soon in the next few months or the end of the year she'll be on the plane to the US really kills me.

Dont give up on life. If there is one thing I learned about it, is that it goes on. I used to think I loved a girl, very good looking, very fun lady. When our scene finally ended I didnt feel like living anymore. But, in the end, you get over it, and life goes on. Is stopped thinking about it and whaddya know? She starts talking to me again a full half-year later. You never know what the future holds, trust me. There could be a crazy twist of events you dont even plan on happening.

It seems that I am going to get the bad ending of this particular path.

Here is what worries me. You gotta understand that they way Lilly's story arc ended was SO far fetched. Man, you can expect things to go by the book, its something you just have to face. If I could have a relationship similar to Lilly's or Hanakos I would KILL for it. But you know, in the end it really just doesnt work that way. You gotta find the one right for you, and if shes leaving and she has a boyfriend, and she doesnt feel the same way about you, it wasnt meant to be. It may feel like its meant to be, but I KNOW you will get over it, and youll be thanking your lucky stars you didnt do anything to yourself because of it.

Because if you do, youll be the fool who died of a broken heart.

[Beoran]

Thanks for the advice. I really needed it. More then you know. Thank you so much. Any help is good help. I feel kind of bad because this was my second time posting I feel like I am distracting from others that want/need to post their stuff.

O.H.L., or anybody else here, it's perfectly fine to post here twice or trice or however many times you like. Every post is valuable because we can learn something about each other. Even if only a little, it brings us closer to each other. We can feel that there are other people in the world, that we're not alone. That is an important thing to remember. And I can only add that I hope that step by step, everything will get better for all of us.

[EyesOfLilly]

Thanks, Camoufrage, but I am hoping it's all starting to settle down soon, I sent her a meaagae and I just hope I get a reply and see if we can sort this out. Hopefully the answer is yes and we can atleast be friends again I'm sure I will eventually get over it but right now it still kinda pains me.

[Camoufrage]

Thanks, Camoufrage, but I am hoping it's all starting to settle down soon, I sent her a meaagae and I just hope I get a reply and see if we can sort this out. Hopefully the answer is yes and we can atleast be friends again I'm sure I will eventually get over it but right now it still kinda pains me.

All the best!

Try to see her in person, though. messages dont always convey feelings the right way.