Katawa Shoujo Forums

Terrific work so far. Just finished Scene 7...

Just one thing I wanted to comment on: Lily seems like a bit of a passive-agressive bitch in this scene. This might be justified, seeing as how Hisao didn't defend her during the argument with Shizune, but it struck me as a little odd, given her normally transcendent and gracious personality. She ignores Hisao for a month, then invites him to lunch so she can insult his friends? Not cool, Lily. Seriously not cool. I think my reaction would have been a little more severe than Hisao's...

Overall though, I think you characterization is spot on, and I can't wait to see how this turns out. Speaking truthfully, you might be a better writer than some of the people who actually worked on the game.

someguy1294 wrote:Terrific work so far. Just finished Scene 7...

Just one thing I wanted to comment on: Lily seems like a bit of a passive-agressive bitch in this scene. This might be justified, seeing as how Hisao didn't defend her during the argument with Shizune, but it struck me as a little odd, given her normally transcendent and gracious personality. She ignores Hisao for a month, then invites him to lunch so she can insult his friends? Not cool, Lily. Seriously not cool. I think my reaction would have been a little more severe than Hisao's...

I agree. That's one of my few problems with this story, that and the two new student council girls(I already went into my opinion on them). And I think my reaction would have been more severe too. Lilly has one strange way of reconciling with Hisao.

Just finished Act 2, and so far, I"m very happy with what's you've done here. Thoughts...

Misha's central flaw, as far as I can tell, is that she holds herself in such a low opinion. It's almost like she thinks she doesn't deserve to be happy, doesn't deserve to have what she wants. Rather sad and touching little moment there in Misha's room... also like the connection between her room number and Hisao. You set up a nice, neat, little conflict (Misha doesn't think she's good enough for Hisao, wants Shizune to be happy) and forced the characters to work through it. Good show. Wonder when/if Misha's secret lesbo-crush will be unearthed...

...I have to find something to complain about now, right? Umm.... Shizune's cheerfulness seemed a little out of character. Maybe that was the point, though? That she was taking a page from Misha's book, putting on a happy face for the sake of her friends?

Yo. This is beautiful.

That's all.

Reached the end of Scene 6. More literary thoughts...

-The bit with Emi a brilliant piece of metafiction. You addressed a problem that none of the canon routes really talked about in detail: what happens to the girls Hisao doesn't pick? Now, while I am very glad for that, as it forced Hisao to address blowing off Emi, I'm a little concerned about Emi's characterization. Specifically, the bit at the bus-stop where she talks to Hisao about why having no legs and being a runner really sucks a lot. It was good to see Emi vent her anger at Hisao, but it seems unusual to me that she would talk so seriously and openly about something that hurt her to Hisao when she didn't really know him. Remember how hard it was to get Emi to talk about serious problems in her route? Remember the lengths to which she went to hide her problems from Hisao, even after they started dating/fucking? I find it odd that Emi opens up to Hisao here when he is merely her friend, and kind of a shitty friend at that... but I suppose her frustration at being neglected drove her to open up in a way she normally wouldn't, so maybe it wasn't that out of character after all.

-The bits with Kenji were hillarious, probably funnier than most of the stuff in canon. Particularly loved the bit where Kenji explained the impracticality of an overly-large... knife.

-Now, I've noticed that you've written Lilly as an absolute, over-the-top bitch, and that doesn't bother me, at all. I found Canon! Lilly boring, honestly, and your adaptation makes her far more interesting... I'm gonna stop talking about Lilly now before somebody jumps by shit.

All in all, this is a very good fan-fic, and I'd like to see it continued... though seeing as how it appears you haven't added to it it in a about a month and a half, I'm a little worried that you might not be continuing this after all. Hope I'm wrong!

someguy1294 wrote:seeing as how it appears you haven't added to it it in a about a month and a half, I'm a little worried that you might not be continuing this after all

Don't worry. He's taken breaks far longer than this.

Atario wrote:

someguy1294 wrote:seeing as how it appears you haven't added to it it in a about a month and a half, I'm a little worried that you might not be continuing this after all

Don't worry. He's taken breaks far longer than this.

That's certainly reassuring. Has he given any word on when the next chapter might be out?

someguy1294 wrote:

Atario wrote:

someguy1294 wrote:seeing as how it appears you haven't added to it it in a about a month and a half, I'm a little worried that you might not be continuing this after all

Don't worry. He's taken breaks far longer than this.

That's certainly reassuring. Has he given any word on when the next chapter might be out?

To quote Blizzard Entertainment: Soon.

Winter seems to have this effect on everyone here; updates become less frequent, and worry about potential abandonment runs rampant. I can't necessarily speak for Prof, but the winter blues has a tendency to sap all my creative energy, which is among the reasons updates to my OC route have become infrequent between November and March for both this year and the last.

This is really good, i know the writer has a life and does a lot of work, but when will the next part be posted? Im really liking this

People, stop asking.

-Asking for extensions, continuations, sequels, and followups. Let authors proceed at their own pace.

To follow on with what Silentcook has said, there are several indicators that would reinforce the idea that, rules aside, you really don't need to ask in this specific instance:

- I have made it clear that I have no intention to abandon this.
- I have also observed that, were I to abandon this, I would clearly state as much.
- For pretty much the entirety of Act 3, there's been about 2 months between chapters. I don't like it any more than you do, but there's no justification for getting worried after a month with no updates. If 4-6 months had passed, there would be a little more justification for worry.
- I am still very active in these forums. A quick glance at my user statistics will show that my last visit was very recent, and my recent posts will show that I've said something, somewhere. Tied in with the above, if I fell off the forums for a month or so without warning, there might be more justification for concern.

Additionally, I make a point of being available. You can feel free to PM me, or attempt to contact me through other channels, and, more likely than not, I will respond in short order.

And as a final point, something which extends beyond this single thread: make your comments substantial.

Everyone understands that it's hard to think of something to add, and you need to reply to subscribe, etc., etc., etc. That's irrelevant. Critical facilities are like muscles - you need to exercise them for them to be any good. You can start small, and, bit by bit, you'll eventually find that it's easier to go into more detail, pick up on subtler issues, and say something that has an impact.

"This is great" and "Keep up the good work" and similar comments are what can be considered "junk food feedback" - no one really gets anything out of it, but it's quick, convenient, and gives a fleeting feeling of satisfaction. Try to go a bit further. Pick out a specific thing that you did (or didn't) like, or even something that just confused you. Go into detail about why you reacted the way you did, and maybe how it could be better. It's a win for all parties - you get better at providing feedback, the author gets useful information about how people react to his writing, and Silentcook rolls his eyes less.

ProfAllister wrote:you need to reply to subscribe

Actually, they don't need to do that either. There are subscribe-topic and bookmark-topic links at the very bottom of every thread's page.

I really like this enjoying it a lot. One thing that sort of bothered me was the part back when Misha was teaching Hisao English and he says “Of course. It wouldn't be a rule if it had exceptions.” in Chemistry there are lots of exceptions to rules it was one of the first things that was said to my Chemistry class, so with Hisao being as good and interested in it, it strikes me as odd that he would make that comment. I understand that he doesn't actually do Chem but he really does get into the science so I would expect him to understand that.

Anyway I read this 2 or 3 times now I really, really like it. I couldn't think of anything substantial to say after I first read it despite this bothering me then too. It's not really a big deal I just wanted to contribute something. Shamefully I have been checking back almost everyday and on your profile to make sure your active like you were suggesting to AnImpatientUser, in addition to the other one I've been hoping for an addition to, Eurobeatjesters Saki route. This game has ruined me.

If he's more into physics than chemistry, he might be more into the exceptionless rules thing. Seeing as it's an actual hard science. *ducks for cover*

Markus Ramikin wrote:If he's more into physics than chemistry, he might be more into the exceptionless rules thing. Seeing as it's an actual hard science. *ducks for cover*

I'm doing both Chemistry and Physics and I prefer Physics it's a lot more intresting. But just think of it Physics is essentially just maths, maths is the real big boy here.