Page 27 of 57

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 1:20 am
by Helbereth
bpgbcg wrote:One quick possible error: "intending get some advice" I think it should be "intending to get some advice".
Fixed.
bpgbcg wrote:I haven't posted on this subforum before but I really am enjoying this so far, and was quite excited when I saw an update had been posted.
Well, I'm glad you're here; I'm not picky about my readership.
bpgbcg wrote:I'm still unsure what ending is being headed for here (although bad or neutral is my guess), and I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out.
Speculation is the mother of dissent.
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Okay, review time.
Come at me, bro!
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
Helbereth wrote:The one who you said couldn't even say the word vagina?
Subtle allusion to the aforementioned metaphors. Nice. And later a full explanation. I'm satisfied.
It's one of those things, y'know?
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
Helbereth wrote:I think he secreted them away for his own perverted uses when I'm unavailable
...
Japan, what are you doin'? Honestly, I'm not sure what really happened--her panties might just have ended up under his bed, stuffed behind his hentai manga (heh!), considering where they were situated during the panty-removal cere-moan-y.
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
Helbereth wrote: I had no idea the panties go on last.
The more you know. Also, is it just me that thinks getting naked like that with one's mother is unusual? Even for girls? I mean, I know women are typically less hesitant about that sort of thing, but...
It depends between different people. Parents tend to approach their kids on a completely platonic level, which means they have little aversion to seeing them naked in private--they dealt with it for 3-4 years or more on a regular basis. In Ina's case, it's part parenting, part teaching, and all for Aiko's benefit--she even says she's arming her with knowledge.
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
Helbereth wrote:little silicone nipple covers
Bahahaha goddamn why is this so funny I don't know please ignore my nonsense
Even funnier: I had to research this shit. They exist, and cost around $17-30 for a pair of reusable skin-toned pads.
Helbereth wrote:
I think she may be a little too obsessed...
Wut. I don't think that quote is meant to be there.
Ha...! Looks like I accidentally hit the 'quote' html button rather than 'italics'.
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Man, only in a story about a girl could a scene about getting dressed take up >10k words. Impressive. Can't wait for this dinner to go ahead.
The one picking out the dresses was almost as long! Conversely, Tadao had to pick something out and get dressed, but it only took him an hour, at most, including a shower, and the same goes for Hisao.

Also, I'm pretty sure the actual dressing part only took around 2000 words...

The dinner chapter is already written--so it shall be written, so it shall be done--which frees me up for two whole weeks... I'll probably spend the time writing anyway...

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 3:45 am
by Joonwoo
YES ANOTHER UPDATE! My life is complete ;)

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 9:34 am
by hawkeye77th
When I saw that you posted I had to make a difficult decision. Do my trig work or read the newest post. I really enjoyed this post.

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 10:07 am
by Hoitash
Helbereth wrote: Even funnier: I had to research this shit. They exist, and cost around $17-30 for a pair of reusable skin-toned pads.
The random stuff you have to look up when you're a writer. Also, that seems rather steep for something a cotton ball and a Band-Aid could do. I mean, sure, reusable, but still...

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 10:18 am
by Sperance
You know, I get the feeling either Ina or Midori are going to ask Hisao why he's at Yamaku and awkwardness will ensue.

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 12:04 pm
by Helbereth
Joonwoo wrote:YES ANOTHER UPDATE! My life is complete ;)
Pardon me as I question your life goals if my story updates are that fulfilling, but to each their own. The random comments, honestly, make doing this feel less like work (though admittedly, I really have enjoyed working on this thing).
hawkeye77th wrote:When I saw that you posted I had to make a difficult decision. Do my trig work or read the newest post. I really enjoyed this post.
Don't fail your trig class on my account. Think of how much Aiko would scold you for being so flippant about your math education! Also, thanks for reading!
Hoitash wrote:
Helbereth wrote: Even funnier: I had to research this shit. They exist, and cost around $17-30 for a pair of reusable skin-toned pads.
The random stuff you have to look up when you're a writer. Also, that seems rather steep for something a cotton ball and a Band-Aid could do. I mean, sure, reusable, but still...
As you might recall, being my go-to editor, originally I had her using a cotton ball and tape. Then, after realizing her mom is somewhat affluent, and willing to doll out cash for her friends' clothes, she'd probably opt for a more sturdy, expensive solution. Thus I loaded Google with some... interesting... search questions--which I'm sure, if they saw the search key, anyone would assume my intentions were completely perverse--and found out these things exist.

I had to research all kinds of things about women's clothing, actually. Words like 'bodice' and 'stockings' weren't part of my regular vocabulary, but I knew they existed and spent some time looking at fashion websites for some inspiration. The description of the dresses worn by Yoko and Amaya aren't directly related to any single item I browsed, instead constructed to work with how I picture the characters.

Amaya being slight and flat-chested, hers is designed to make her look more chesty and highlight the narrowness, while hiding her thin legs somewhat. Yoko has a dancer's body, and is rather tall (being somewhere around 5'9"), so I gave her a dress to highlight the strong, straight back, long legs, and fit with her long, curly, fiery hair; she's the shy, hot girl of the bunch--sort of the swan hiding in the reeds. Meanwhile, Aiko's dress is largely a work of my own imagination; a glorified cocktail dress with a very short skirt made from a stretchy fabric that's form-fitting and very revealing (I don't know if they even make dresses like that, honestly).

Dressing Hisao in a pinstriped suit is almost entirely my own imagination--it seemed like a natural evolution from the sweater-vests--and the bow tie is a nod to characters like The Doctor, and people like Bill Nye. Years ago, I saw a picture of a couple dressed for a night on the town; the girl wore a similar, short black dress, while the guy had on a pinstriped suit with a bow tie (no sweater vest), so I dressed them up to match that picture in my head.

Tadao has appeared in a lot of black denim and t-shirts with a cowboy hat, and isn't fond of uncomfortable clothing, but I guessed he would have something appropriate hanging around. Dressing Amaya in blue (devil in a blue dress), I almost decided to put Tadao in blue as well, but, given their propensity for interpersonal violence, I thought black and blue seemed like a nice combination (and a little inside joke), so I covered Tadao in a nice black silk shirt with a white vest and a thin tie and black slacks--semi-formal attire.

Midori got cloaked in pink to show her youth and innocence, with silver accents because I just like silver... I looked at some Disney Princesses to come up with her look, and thought Mulan seemed like a character she would imitate (more the warrior princess), so I took the hairstyle straight from some of the movie art, and based the dress' details on that image.

Ina's attire, for the story purposes, is meant to show her maturity and create a thinking point for Aiko to ponder her mother's style. It's a simple, humbly cut black dress with a few frilly accents and silver trim (the silver is to match up with Midori's accents). With her, it's more about how she wears it than what she's wearing, and Aiko sees that as a strength she wants to imitate.
Sperance wrote:You know, I get the feeling either Ina or Midori are going to ask Hisao why he's at Yamaku and awkwardness will ensue.
Ah, yes, that's something that has yet to be dealt with, but, given how open Hisao has gotten about his condition since the beginning of the story, I don't think it'll be quite so awkward if it comes down to one of them asking directly. Ina knows he's on medication, in case that wasn't obvious from his description of their brief conversation (she asked about drugs, and he didn't lie), and she can probably surmise it's an internal problem; given that he looks outwardly healthy, but is medicated for something. Basically, in Ina's case, it will come down to spelling out the condition and its potential dangers--Midori is a wild card, though.

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 12:16 pm
by Hoitash
after realizing her mom is somewhat affluent, and willing to doll out cash for her friends' clothes, she'd probably opt for a more sturdy, expensive solution.
Ah yes, it's all coming back to me now. Certainly as valid a reason as any. Comfort may have been a factor as well; I imagine that came up in the research at some point.

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 12:48 pm
by Helbereth
Hoitash wrote:
after realizing her mom is somewhat affluent, and willing to doll out cash for her friends' clothes, she'd probably opt for a more sturdy, expensive solution.
Ah yes, it's all coming back to me now. Certainly as valid a reason as any. Comfort may have been a factor as well; I imagine that came up in the research at some point.
Really, once I found the silicone thingies, using them became a way to prevent the possibility of the cotton and tape failing during the night, which I didn't want to be a concern. If you were paying attention, though, Aiko mentions she has sensitive nipples, and discomfort at having a wad of cotton chafing against them all night would probably kind of suck.

Also, the covers are there largely because Aiko is, at heart, a modest girl (at least publicly... Privately...? Perhaps not so much), who isn't prone to dressing scantily. This is an occasion to let herself be a center of attention, at least with Hisao, so she goes along with it almost entirely for his sake. However, the thin material (which is also quite stretchy) and lack of a bra would naturally create a problem--if not directly, then indirectly through others' perception.

These are the kind of thoughts that would probably keep me out of the really good schools (if I ever decided to attend college).

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 1:05 pm
by Hoitash
These are the kind of thoughts that would probably keep me out of the really good schools (if I ever decided to attend college).
you're a deep thinker about completely random, and to many, inconsequential or inane matters.

So the Humanities are definitely up your alley (history, literature, philosophy.)

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 5:58 am
by Helbereth
Hoitash wrote:
These are the kind of thoughts that would probably keep me out of the really good schools (if I ever decided to attend college).
you're a deep thinker about completely random, and to many, inconsequential or inane matters.

So the Humanities are definitely up your alley (history, literature, philosophy.)
Academic implications aside, that's actually a modified George Carlin quote. Originally it was worded:
"These are the kind of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools!"

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 10:23 am
by neio
Pro tip: Always use Incognito mode when doing "interesting" research.

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 1:36 pm
by Helbereth
neio wrote:Pro tip: Always use Incognito mode when doing "interesting" research.
Not much to worry about, really... nobody but me uses this computer. Except my younger brother who occasionally uses it for an hour or two when his laptop decides to crap out during a visit, but I'm not terribly concerned with him seeing any of that--he does searches like that for similar reasons.

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 6:02 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Well, the last two chapters were certainly... fashion centric...
Still entertaining to read, though I hope you're done with describing dresses for a while ;-)

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 7:12 pm
by forgetmenot
I have a theory that Helbereth is actually the American version of Satoru, and is letting his inner fashonista out by secretly writing himself into his own story.

Re: Tomorrow's Doom - Updated 05/01/2013 (Chapter 34 posted)

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 8:02 pm
by Helbereth
Mirage_GSM wrote:Well, the last two chapters were certainly... fashion centric...
Still entertaining to read, though I hope you're done with describing dresses for a while ;-)
Oh, well... there's still the night out so they'll get proper reiterations there, but, yeah... for now it's a shelved collection of character traits and visual references. I put a lot of thought into them so they wouldn't need actual depictions (something the VN didn't have to do at all), and it's an exhausting process.
forgetmenot wrote:I have a theory that Helbereth is actually the American version of Satoru, and is letting his inner fashonista out by secretly writing himself into his own story.
There's a little of me in all of them, probably, but I'm definitely not that obsessed with women's fashion; Satoru turned it into a profession--almost a quest. Honestly, I'm more like Tadao where that's concerned; the guy suggesting jeans and t-shirts for a formal night out. Where women are concerned, I'm fond of sweaters, long skirts, and simple accents (beaded bracelets, little silver neck-chains, and such).

Also, I do not have a melodic voice, short-cropped hair, or dimples, and I wouldn't wear purple and red together if you held a gun to my head (either of them).