Katawa Shoujo Forums

Wasn't it established in the game, btw, that Akira was such a lousy cook that Lilly always made the meals for them when they still lived together?

“That won’t be necessary; we should already have everything we need.” Lilly says. “I should be getting to class now, I'm afraid. I am looking forward to seeing both of you tonight.”

Considering the way Lilly 'sees', that line strikes me as highly suggestive. Or maybe I'm just a pervert.

“The only things I’m concerned with are English and math.

“I think I’m set for math. That and science are the only two subjects I’m confident in.”

As for the rest of us, the table is covered in a mess of notes and old quizzes ranging from Lilly’s perfect scores in English to Hanako’s and my own subpar marks in Japanese history.

There's some consistency issues here. Bold is a correction, btw.

As to the plot, I can't help but think that if Akira feels stuck in a rut now just imagine how long she's probably going to be stuck in the same job once she takes that promotion and joins the 'old boys' club, waiting for someone to die so she can move up. If she really wants a change she's already quit her job... why stay with the same company? Get out of her family's shadow once and for all, maybe even go into business for herself. Grab life by the short hairs and tell that bastard to march to her drummer for a change.

I'll refrain from pointing out things that have already been discussed.

Thanatos02 wrote:evoking images in my head I’m not sure I have any right to be seeing.

Heh. Master of Romance at his best.

Thanatos02 wrote:class.”I explain

A comma should replace the full stop, and a space should separate the " and the I.

Thanatos02 wrote:way.” I say

Comma again.

Thanatos02 wrote:now.” Lilly

Take a guess what this one is for.

Thanatos02 wrote:she clenches her hands together

That sounds rather aggressive. Did you mean it to sound that way?

Thanatos02 wrote:I merely have a...

...Healthy adolescent sex drive?

Thanatos02 wrote:sweet tooth

Damnit. Well, I'm gonna assume this is a metaphor, because why not?

Thanatos02 wrote:laying back under the table

Wait... what? When was she under the table before? And, more importantly, how? That's quite a little table.

Okay, that's all for corrections. Certainly a dramatic turn of events. Not really the way I would recommend trying to get a girl. Not that I have experience in that regard. Nevertheless, I empathise with Hisao's mindset. I wonder how the climax of this act will play out from here. It had better not involve a run to the airport, so help me God...

But I know you're a better writer than that. I look forward to the final chapter of Act 4. Great work so far, man.

Guest Poster wrote:Wasn't it established in the game, btw, that Akira was such a lousy cook that Lilly always made the meals for them when they still lived together?

Really? I don't remember any reference to such a thing, but I could be wrong because I've missed a couple of other things in the past. If you find that quote could you link me to the scene? I'm trying to get all the inconsistencies and discrepancies out because I know that's jarring to the reader and just makes the writer look like even more of an incompetent moron.
However, the motivation behind Akira knowing how to cook has to do with the idea that she's lived alone for a while, and I figure that would be enough motivation for Akira to take a few lessons in that regard.

nemz wrote:Considering the way Lilly 'sees', that line strikes me as highly suggestive. Or maybe I'm just a pervert.

Well, I think using 'seeing' there is wrong in itself. Granted, it's not being used to refer to sight, but I can't remember any instances where Lilly uses the word 'see' at all except to refer to her inability to do so. I went ahead and just swapped the words regardless.

There's some consistency issues here. Bold is a correction, btw.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
That's what I get for taking so long to write a chapter. Thank you so much for pointing these out and don't ever feel afraid to call me out on it if there are things that don't add up.

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:A comma should replace the full stop, and a space should separate the " and the I.

Believe it or not, that is what I originally had down. My proofreader said that while not technically correct or incorrect, it felt like it didn't mesh well and that I should use a full-stop.

That sounds rather aggressive. Did you mean it to sound that way?

It's meant to be forceful, but aggressive might be the wrong image. Maybe change 'clenches' to 'clasps?'

Wait... what? When was she under the table before? And, more importantly, how? That's quite a little table.

The image I was going for was her laying back on the floor in boredom, or something along those lines. Guess I'll have to check that line too.

But I know you're a better writer than that. I look forward to the final chapter of Act 4. Great work so far, man.

I'm flattered, and thank you, but I'm not exactly someone to depend on. Original draft had much, much, much worse things. The only reason it hasn't completely fallen apart, crashed, and burned is because I have a sort of "adviser" that slaps me around every now and then.

Regardless, thank you everyone for bearing with a chapter riddled with errors. I'll do the best I can to change the little things, but the story is set in stone now. No more major re-writes.

I swear you always update when i'm just about to start doing some assignment work for uni
Not that i'm complaining though, I always enjoy reading your latest chapter. As per usual keep up the amazing work and I look forward to the next chapter!

Why do I get a feeling that a heart attack is about to hit?

Quite good. I noticed some of those previously mentioned inconsistencies. I'm afraid I have something else that needs correcting.

There was mention of the last trimester. They still have two trimesters left. Japan's school year runs April–March, with month long breaks around August and December.

CaptainFalcon wrote:I swear you always update when i'm just about to start doing some assignment work for uni
Not that i'm complaining though, I always enjoy reading your latest chapter. As per usual keep up the amazing work and I look forward to the next chapter!

Glad you're still keeping up and thanks for the compliment!

komina12345 wrote:Why do I get a feeling that a heart attack is about to hit?

I suppose that's a possibility with all the stress he's going through, but it wasn't an issue he had in any of the other routes, save for Lilly's which was only brought on by him sprinting full-force through an airport.
Either way, anything can happen at this point. Thanks for reading.

griffon8 wrote:Quite good. I noticed some of those previously mentioned inconsistencies. I'm afraid I have something else that needs correcting.

There was mention of the last trimester. They still have two trimesters left. Japan's school year runs April–March, with month long breaks around August and December.

I'm thinking in college speak, where there's no such thing as school years anymore. I'll go back and change 'trimester' into 'last year.' Thanks for pointing that out.

Very cool chapter. I thought at first this will be pure filler (not that it'd be bad!), but it turned out to be nicely deep near the end.

Really? I don't remember any reference to such a thing, but I could be wrong because I've missed a couple of other things in the past. If you find that quote could you link me to the scene? I'm trying to get all the inconsistencies and discrepancies out because I know that's jarring to the reader and just makes the writer look like even more of an incompetent moron.
However, the motivation behind Akira knowing how to cook has to do with the idea that she's lived alone for a while, and I figure that would be enough motivation for Akira to take a few lessons in that regard.

I believe it's in Act 1 in the scene where Hisao first makes Akira's acquaintance. Lilly's concerned Akira isn't eating well and Akira gets annoyed and tells her something like "I can cook without blowing myself up...most of the time." She also mentions there that Lilly usually cooked for herself and Akira took the leftovers when she got home.

If she really wants a change she's already quit her job... why stay with the same company? Get out of her family's shadow once and for all, maybe even go into business for herself.

Akira's a company lawyer...you kinda need a company in order to do the thing she does. Going into business for herself would be difficult with her profession. As for staying with the same company...Akira mentioned she was already working when she was 19 years old, which means she started working fresh out of high school without going to a university first. (she probably did evening school) Given the fact that Japanese companies put an extraordinary amount of importance on whether you attended a prestigious university or not when hiring new staff, Akira might have been worried that she wouldn't get hired for a similar job in another place. In fact...it's highly doubtful Akira would have gotten to the position of company lawyer in any company but the one her family owns. The fact that your initial place on the corporate ladder in Japan is determined almost completely by the university you attended is why entrance exams there are considered so stressful and some students are willing to spend additional years of their life preparing just to get into that one university that offers them just a few more possibilities on the job market.

Thanatos02 wrote: He's going to do stuff. Stuff and things. You know how it gets this time of year.

So far my best theory is begging jigoro to hire her as his personal attorney, (tagged in case my inane ramblings are right, or right-adjacent) but that seems a little out there.

Guest Poster wrote:I believe it's in Act 1 in the scene where Hisao first makes Akira's acquaintance. Lilly's concerned Akira isn't eating well and Akira gets annoyed and tells her something like "I can cook without blowing myself up...most of the time." She also mentions there that Lilly usually cooked for herself and Akira took the leftovers when she got home.

Just found the scene. On one hand, I want to stand by what I've written because it would imply that Lilly was also forced to learn to cook for herself while Akira was gone, which can be coupled with the idea that she would also prepare her own food on virtue of Akira being a little shoddy at the oven. On the other hand, I could go back and adjust it to give a clearer message, I.E. Lilly states that she went hungry on nights where Akira got home late only because she was still dependent on big sis to take care of most things. I can imagine Lilly taking charge when it comes to the kitchen after becoming fed up with nothing but instant meals and fast food for months and months on end, which is the picture I was trying to paint there.

I think I'm going to leave it as is and play around with the idea of characteristic tastes and perspectives when it comes to Akira's food and the idea of having the knowledge to cook not immediately leading to good food. At the very least I'd like to keep from inserting more than a single line to reference Akira stopping by the school to mooch leftovers off of Lilly and Hanako. I really appreciate the input, though. It helps to have my perspective challenged when it comes to things like this because it's really easy to get tunnel vision on certain ideas.

Akira's a company lawyer...you kinda need a company in order to do the thing she does. Going into business for herself would be difficult with her profession. As for staying with the same company...Akira mentioned she was already working when she was 19 years old, which means she started working fresh out of high school without going to a university first. (she probably did evening school) Given the fact that Japanese companies put an extraordinary amount of importance on whether you attended a prestigious university or not when hiring new staff, Akira might have been worried that she wouldn't get hired for a similar job in another place. In fact...it's highly doubtful Akira would have gotten to the position of company lawyer in any company but the one her family owns. The fact that your initial place on the corporate ladder in Japan is determined almost completely by the university you attended is why entrance exams there are considered so stressful and some students are willing to spend additional years of their life preparing just to get into that one university that offers them just a few more possibilities on the job market.

This is...
I don't want to spoil anything, but I've had plans to explore this in the final act since the get-go. I've sprinkled about some things relating to her workplace, like what exactly her position is and how she acquired it, but as for all the details and specifics surrounding it regarding the family drama and hard work leading to such a thing, they've been intentionally greyed out. In this story, Akira did attend college for two years before heading to work, due to a falling out with her father. I'd like to believe that this is a good interpretation because the canon story never references Akira's job beyond the fact that she's a lawyer for her family's japanese branch and that she's almost always busy with work.
Nothing else is set in stone, which is why there are so many varying ideas. But that's not a bad thing -- there's a lot of possibilities because she manages to be a deep character despite being fleshed out so little. That's what drew me to writing an Akira route in the first place.

Dammit! I saw that you posted, and immediately went full on "Two chapters in one day!"-retard-mode.

Carighan wrote:Dammit! I saw that you posted, and immediately went full on "Two chapters in one day!"-retard-mode.

Same here.

Wonderful read. I really am wondering how Hisao is gonna turn this around though...


inb4 only a bad ending with Hisao being strangled to death by Tetsuo's spagetti.