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She’s so preposterously beautiful that I nearly find myself wondering if Hanako hired an actress to pose as her friend before I remember how stupid that is.

It's nitpicking, but I'd end that sentence with 'sounds' rather than 'is'.

The rest reads reasonably well, so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Lilly showing up out of the blue really doesn't seem out of character for her, especially if you consider that Iwanako was nice to Hanako already, and her apparent presence during the incident in the hallway. The part that seems a little contrived is her bringing the whole tea set, but if I were going to visit someone in the hospital, perhaps for an afternoon, I'd bring something with which to pass the time, and for Lilly that's tea.

One of the things that seems true about Yamaku in general is that the students and teachers share a kind of automatic bond with people who've perhaps had a few bad draws in the game of life. They've seen it before, or experienced it themselves, so when they encounter someone like Hisao or Iwanako who've just been punched in the face by life, so to speak, they make an effort to help. It's a theme that runs through all the different routes, some more subtly than others, and carries over into a lot of the associated fan works.

Oh, by the way, it's good to see this continue. Carry on.

Something did feel vaguely off about that chapter, but I can't put my finger on what it was, to be honest. Actually, I think I'm noticing that Hanako seems to be a little too at-ease with Iwanako - this feels like Act 3 Hanako, not Act 1 Hanako. Yes, I'm expecting someone more at ease with her than with Hisao, but this feels like a bit too much.

I suspect this was mostly Lilly's idea, because she really can get to ridiculous levels of mothering, especially when Hanako gets a new friend who ends up really needing it (and holy crap, did they pick the right time to go - they probably just saved Iwanako's life). Although, bringing the tea set really feels over the top.

Iwanako having deep-seated issues with accepting kindness will cause some serious issues between her and Lilly, I fear. And, that'll probably damage her relationship with Hanako, too.

It'll be interesting to see how the festival goes. I'm trying to think of the logistics of how that'd work... both Lilly and Hanako are going to be incredibly worried about Iwanako. Lilly will be busy with the noodle stall... and Hanako would normally be holed up in the library. And, your Iwanako is shorter than Hanako, so Hanako can't even effectively hide behind her - otherwise, I wouldn't be surprised if this actually caused your Hanako to go to the festival (clinging to Iwanako every step of the way).

Excellent writing, as always. And we're on the Lilly/Hanako route! I'm excited about that. I agree with bhtooefr that Hanako is surprisingly open, but I feel like this might be her attempt at cultivating friendship: unlike Hisao, Iwanako desperately needs support right from the start, and Hanako needs to feel like someone who can offer it. That alone might be enough for Hanako to overcome her anxiety. It also helps when the target is a thin, short, and frail girl.

I'm interested to see how this might change Shizune's behavior. Finding out that Iwanako is grappling with such a severe condition could force Shizune to realize just how misguided her attempts to help Iwanako really were. After all, expecting Iwanako to rise to the occasion would be unfair, and Shizune hates being unfair.

I don't think there is anything really OOC about Lilly either.
I'd have mentioned the tea set, but two people already did before me so I won't.
Looking forward to the next chapter.

Leaty wrote:Is she accidentally that gorgeous?!

That made me laugh.

Anyways, glad to see this updated. It's one of my favorite ongoing stories. As for the chapter itself, I liked it. Glad to see Iwanako is, at least partially, regaining the mental state she had before Emi collided with her. Hopefully a positive festival experience will help her recover further.

Okay, my thoughts...

I didn't find the tea set bit problematic at all. It felt like a reflection of the first time Lilly invited Hisao to have lunch with them, and put Hanako into a corner of accepting. I think bhtooefr has the right idea, that while Hanako may have suggested the idea of bringing reading material as a repayment of the kindness Iwanako showed, Lilly suggested the idea of tea. And, if Mohammed won't come to the mountain...

I found this chapter good overall, though maybe a trifle awkward in spots. The biggest issue I had has already been mentioned (Hanako feeling a little too much at ease), so I'll bypass that for now and get on to what I liked, and there was quite a bit.

I especially appreciated Iwanako's slow ascent into acceptance of her visitors. It was subtle, yet palpable if you're paying attention. For instance, I got the feeling that Iwanako's internal grandiloquence is more of an affectation than a natural state, as I noted that it receded somewhat over the course of the chapter. It's all of a piece, given what we know about her thus far.

The bit about Anne of Green Gables made me chuckle; insipid is a good word for it. I would submit All Creatures Great and Small as a rival for the title of most insipid, but that's nitpicking. Lilly's teasing about it was a nice touch . Also, the story about Cancer Girl and the kitten really struck a chord for me. Of course, I'm very much a cat person, so is it evil that I felt worse for the kitten than either of the humans ?

On a side note, I briefly mentioned somewhere on these boards that I read Ménage à 3, and the way Iwanako described Lilly immediately brought to mind Zii's image of Didi. Lilly is quite crush-inspiring, no?

Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter a lot. The fleshing out of Iwanako into a real person continues apace, which I appreciate. Looking forward to watching this all play out!

Finally getting off my ass and making an account to say-

Thank you for writing this fic! It's great seeing Yamanaku, the characters et al from a different perspective, and I really, really love your Iwanako; she feels more like a fully fledged character than a plot device (to be fair, it's not like there was much opportunity for her to be anything else in the main game).

Re: Hanako and Lilly, I think you've nailed them both. At a guess, I'd say visiting Iwanako was probably Lilly's idea for Hanako's sake; I can't imagine early Hanako, having possibly just made a friend, seeing them get almost immediately hospitalised less than a minute after waving goodbye, would have reacted terribly well to that situation; Lilly also being present in the corridor contributes to matters as well. Visiting as a means to help Hanako come to terms with what happened / that it isn't her fault would be a fair move, though I'm assuming they know nothing about her exploding at Emi.

Also interesting that Hanako catches her surgery scar earlier than canon and under a completely different circumstance, and she has the contrast between Iwanako-putting-effort-into-apperance and Iwanako-a-wreck-in-hospital-bed which Lilly lacks for various reasons. I sense much bonding in future. Meanwhile, Iwanako crushes on Lilly rather spectacularly though I believe she's straight if I'm recalling her route correctly...? Or at least she's turned other girls down before in her previous school. Either way this is a potential love triangle with a wiiiiide opportunity for drama and mayhem. This without factoring in the rest of the cast (Shizune, Molly, the OCs etc)

I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes; thanks again for writing!

A new chapter! Wonderful!

Lilly bringing an entire array of tea apparati is rather awesomely crazy yet believable.

My, what happy thoughts Iwanako is having.

"“Um,” Hanako suddenly chimes in, “I d-didn’t like it either…”"
Stoneflower seems to be on track, though…

"They probably won’t be back before then"
The "then" appears to be missing an antecedent.

Aww, and then it ended. I look forward to the next one!

dewelar wrote: On a side note, I briefly mentioned somewhere on these boards that I read Ménage à 3, and the way Iwanako described Lilly immediately brought to mind Zii's image of Didi.

Now there's a connection I never would have made on my own...

It seems that any criticism, good or bad has already been said. I would add that your Iwanako's reaction echos a thought I had about her trying to reconnect with Hisao in a post-Lilly good end scenario: "Oh My God! I have to compete with her!??! I knew this would be a bad idea..."

Mirage_GSM wrote:

dewelar wrote: On a side note, I briefly mentioned somewhere on these boards that I read Ménage à 3, and the way Iwanako described Lilly immediately brought to mind Zii's image of Didi.

Now there's a connection I never would have made on my own...

Wait, if Iwanako is Zii, who does that make Hanako?

Yuki or Sonya? I can't decide which would be funnier.

(Although I find MA3 itself to be kinda mediocre...)

Mirage_GSM wrote:

dewelar wrote: On a side note, I briefly mentioned somewhere on these boards that I read Ménage à 3, and the way Iwanako described Lilly immediately brought to mind Zii's image of Didi.

Now there's a connection I never would have made on my own...

It probably helps that I re-binged the archive last night because I couldn't sleep.

bhtooefr wrote:Wait, if Iwanako is Zii, who does that make Hanako?

Yuki or Sonya? I can't decide which would be funnier.

Hanako is Erik, of course.

(Although I find MA3 itself to be kinda mediocre...)

Well, I am of French-Canadian descent, after all, so (a) perhaps I relate to parts of it a bit more, and (b) I can't resist the lure of a farce, even if it is mediocre .

Thank you, based Leaty. I will sleep in peace tonight.

Man.. what a fantastic chapter! I am really looking forward for your next update

(deadfic)