Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)
Posted: Sat May 10, 2014 12:52 pm
Hanako's voice is one of my voices of choice, and I'm always glad to see her developing at the hands of a skilled crafter. Thanks for the latest update!
(Where's the Walkthrough?)
https://ks.fhs.sh/
I think that's more true for Lilly and Hanako. Hisao's life expectancy may have actually been shortened in her route.Negativedarke wrote:Reading this chapter reminds me that while I like them, Hanako and Lily weren't the best for Hisao's health. But it was nice with the meeting in town between the two.
Not really sure if I'm THAT skilled, but thanks all the samebrythain wrote:Hanako's voice is one of my voices of choice, and I'm always glad to see her developing at the hands of a skilled crafter. Thanks for the latest update!
Thank you Really, I wanted to try and find a valid reason for Hanako to be in the city at that time, since it never says in the VN why she was around and although it's a nice scene in the game, it feels a bit out of place for her to willingly go to the city alone. Hence the added confidence building, which is also good timing as it's vital that she has more confidence now anyway given the next scene, and the pivotal moment, otherwise that would be too out of place as well...timetravelzero wrote:What a fantastic surprise to come home to today! Excellent work, as always Trivun. I was especially pleased with how you added in the return trip she took to the antiques store as a way of expressing her growing confidence. I have faith that you'll finish this story strong in the coming months, and I am anxiously awaiting the critical point of the next scene.
I have to agree. At least on, say, Emi's route, Hisao was getting plenty of excercise, and with most of the girls he was able to face his past - in this case, with Hanako's route, he pushes it away. So I'd say your point stands on a mental level, as well as on a physical one (especially Lilly's route from a physical viewpoint, even if it does technically count as excercise ).Negativedarke wrote:Reading this chapter reminds me that while I like them, Hanako and Lily weren't the best for Hisao's health. But it was nice with the meeting in town between the two.
My point precisely Also, not entirely sure why you're dreading the H-scene, but glad to see you look forward to it as well xD.AntonSlavik020 wrote:I've been looking forward to this scene for a while now, and it did not disappoint. I simultaneously am looking forward to and dreading the h-scene.
I think that's more true for Lilly and Hanako. Hisao's life expectancy may have actually been shortened in her route.Negativedarke wrote:Reading this chapter reminds me that while I like them, Hanako and Lily weren't the best for Hisao's health. But it was nice with the meeting in town between the two.
The little things are important to a writer really, it's all very good telling a decent story but it doesn't flesh out without those little character-building (or world building, or so on) moments that make you understand more. Thank you as well for the complimentsIreojimayo wrote:I really love this fic, I love seeing Hananko's perspective, it's a whole new story
Love this chapter too, it really makes you appreciate the little things
I agree that it's a big thing, ultimately Hanako is experiencing all this for the first time, but in a way Hisao is just as inexperienced as she is with all aspects of love (hell, the first girl he confessed to, ever, ended up giving him a heart attack!). So it's nice for me as well to explore all those elements, including the jealousy, heartbreak, and both love and lust that come with a first relationship...emmjay wrote:I'd been looking forward to this one, specifically the part where Hisao buys her the phone chain. That little chain was almost certainly the first time a boy gave Hanako a "just because we're friends" gift. Hisao may not have realized it, but that was a big thing for her. I also like the touches of Hanako revisiting the antique store, and of her thinking the waitress reminds Hisao of Iwanako.
Thank you my friend . Truth be told, I'm always curious myself as to what internal dialogue will go on too, since I don't usually set out to write with a set plan (aside from the roadmap provided by the VN itself), so every new chapter I write is just as much a revelation for me as it is for all of you - just a little sooner for me than anyone else xD.hyroglyphixs wrote:Fantastic chapter... I was really curious to see what kind of internal dialogue would go on inside Hanako's head after Hisao gave her that gift. Your writing was awesome, as usual
Because it was awkward as hell. And I meant that it was true more for Lilly THAN Hanako, not and. While Hisao's fitness level isn't improved in Hanako's route, it doesn't get worse either.Trivun wrote:My point precisely Also, not entirely sure why you're dreading the H-scene, but glad to see you look forward to it as well xD.
I think I recognised that, my wording could probably have been better, but fair enough, you're pretty spot on there. At least in Hanako's route the final decision isn't based on whether you try and (accidentally) kill yourself or notAntonSlavik020 wrote:Because it was awkward as hell. And I meant that it was true more for Lilly THAN Hanako, not and. While Hisao's fitness level isn't improved in Hanako's route, it doesn't get worse either.Trivun wrote:My point precisely Also, not entirely sure why you're dreading the H-scene, but glad to see you look forward to it as well xD.
Many thanks, my friend! I'll admit when I began this it was just an exercise for me to see if I could come up with a fan fiction that was actually decent (the previous offering being a Halo story that was rather obscure, even if it wasn't exactly terrible) before I started on my own original novel. I didn't expect the positive fan response to it, and it's still nice seeing new readers now . Plus, when I write something, even fan fiction, I always try to make it my own, plus it was easier to be able to separate it from the game itself simply by using someone new as the protagonist, instead of someone as admittedly bland as Hisao...scott1and wrote:Okay, wow, haven't really logged in here for a good year or so but this story has given me more than enough reason to get back into the swing of things around here! I've read through everything so far in the last two days or so, and I must say I'm am extremely impressed by what you have been written.
You not only expanded Hanako's character through her internal monologue, but you have also made her route, something most people have already experienced, brand new and deliciously interesting despite the entire plot already being known.
A major congratulations on the story so far, and thanks for giving me something brilliant to spend my time reading
Thanks for the suggestion! Unfortunately I'm not sure, looking at the site, if that works in the UK (where I am), and my phone's pretty old so it doesn't get internet easily (certainly I can't get apps on there!). It's an awkward situation, I have an old phone just for phone calls and an iPod Touch for everything internet-wise, but that's Wi-Fi only - I never saw a point before in getting an iPhone or an Android or anything if I could do everything I needed on my iPod instead, and then we went and moved house...Atario wrote:If you have a cell phone, you may want to investigate putting PDANet on both it and your computer for in-a-pinch situations just such as this.