A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (completed)

[Guest]

The best part is how people will praise this for the same old moeshit and gimmicky plot devices since scissorlips knows that suzu is flavor of the month and people will immediately leave if he doesn't come up with a new trick every so often. After all, people have no reason to stay for mediocre prose littered with adverbs, and the core audience of "moeblob 2.0" is fickle as hell because A-D'AWWW-RABLE is no substitute for strong lasting appeal and storytelling.

[Lumi]

Oh, god!
My feels!
I think they're broken!

[Bi-Polar Hernandez]

The best part is how people will praise this for the same old moeshit and gimmicky plot devices since scissorlips knows that suzu is flavor of the month and people will immediately leave if he doesn't come up with a new trick every so often. After all, people have no reason to stay for mediocre prose littered with adverbs, and the core audience of "moeblob 2.0" is fickle as hell because A-D'AWWW-RABLE is no substitute for strong lasting appeal and storytelling.

tl;dr: Ur a faget

>>>/v/

Great job as usual, Scissorlips.

[Mirage_GSM]

“I did, yeah. Your parents live near Nagoya, right?”
“Mhmm.” I mumble. “A couple hours from the city.

I guess that's the American interpretation of "near"... In Japan "a couple of hours from XY" means "half the country away."
"A couple of hours from Nagoya" is either beyond Tokyo or beyond Osaka

...putting my beg underneath my head as a makeshift pillow.

...that we've reached out destination.

Typos here.
Not quite finished with the chapter. Will edit later if neccessary.

EDIT:

I nuzzle face face closer.

???

...and mutters something about having to found out...

...each step through the city streets making me legs feel like they're made of stone.

As for the Big Reveal...
It was a bit... anticlimactic.
You built this up for so long and he just fell down, hit his head and died?
In terms of sheer unlikelihood it sure is a big surprise. It's really hard to fall down from simple walking and hit your head so bad you die, but I was kind of expecting a real reason why Suzu would feel responsible.

[Guest]

I guess you could call this... a pseuzu route.

[JTemby]

I... I... I have no words and must critique.

[Ascended Flutist]

It's summer. I don't mind the extra charge. Since I like doing it anyway. Yeah.

I...You...I...By .
By , and .
This changes everything. What a fool I was. You're a God! How can I question a God? What a grand and intoxicating innocence! How could I be so naïve?
Hum...anyway.

Beginning. Ultrabormode Miki, Sleepycute Suzu, Hisao.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Something about the waves.” I say, answering one question while pointedly ignoring the other. “About how everything is right in front of you, wide open. The whole world.”

I rest my head on his shoulder again and shut my eyes. “I don't know, I always felt like I was waiting for something.”

“Waiting for something?”

“Yeah.” I can barely manage more than a whisper now. “Waiting for my ship to come in.”

“And did it?” He asks.

“Maybe.” I say softly.

This passage reeks of importance.

“Yeah.” I repeat. I focus my attention on my bag, digging out my book of Shakespeare. I hold it in my lap tenderly, staring at the cover.

Hisao is waiting for me to go on. My eyes flicker from the book in front of me to the boy beside me. Not yet. Not here. Please don't give up on me, Hisao. I'm going to say it.

Yep. Definitely.

“In more ways than one.” I mumble, and he smiles wider. He smiles wider. I don't want to go home. I don't want to go back to Yamaku, either. I want to stay here with him. I want to see that smile every time I open my eyes, everywhere I go. I don't ever want to lose... to lose that smile. To lose him.

I don't want to lose anything. I don't want to lose anyone, ever again. But I can. I probably will. I, I can wake up and find out that everything's changed, everything's ruined. I could wake up and he'll be gone, and he won't be coming back.

Upcoming bigass plot point aside, this really opened my eyes to Suzu's plight. God what a horrible condition.

It would probably be a lot more expensive. More exciting, though, too.

Cue Deus Ex: Human Revolution Opening Cinematic.

“Another beautiful day in the city.” He remarks. I nod, but... but something's wrong here. I wasn't on a bus, was I? I thought I was on a train. And I wasn't going in to the city, I was... I was going home. And why does just looking at him make me feel so sad inside? His messy, sea-green hair in the sunlight, his pale skin and tired eyes. I always feel fine when I'm with him, I always feel safe. So why do I want to cry?

“Seiji?” I ask quietly. The boy turns back to me, smiling despite how exhausted he looks.

“Almost there, Suki.” He says.

A drowned dead, heh? Well this is a job for a Witcher.
I'm excited

putting my beg underneath

bag, friend. But I agree, once one discovers the use of bags as makeshift pillows, one's possibilites become endless.

“Is that the kind of thing you dream about?” Hisao asks, picking back up where we left off.

“Sometimes. The good ones.” I reply. I wish it was all the time.

“And the bad ones?” He asks softly.

I stare at my lap, now I'm the one who looks wistful. I glance up at Hisao, then look over to the view outside the window. The silence drags on, another peek at Hisao shows him wearing the same expression as that night in front of the convenience store, where he knows I'm not going to tell him. That disappointed, sad expression. I hate it. I hate clamming up like this, but I...

C'mon now.

Hisao is a patient guy, the only kind that could ever date someone with a condition like mine, I guess.

Indeed, but I feel Suzu's taking advantage of this at this point. Maybe not by design, but still.

With hug monks meditating on the proper technique and trying to get to Hugvana. Okay, time to come back, this is a long hug. Although I would have gone for hug monk if it had been an option on the career survey.

That would be a fresh change from all the warrior monks. Hug monks. Come to think of it, if people giving free hugs were dressed as monks with a serious banner like 'The Cistercian Followers of the Warm Embrace Apocryphas have come to hug you. Accept their humble blessing in the form of a skillful cuddle,' they would be much more successful. I'm positive.

“Beautiful, doting wife!” My dad calls as we remove our shoes in the entrance hall. “I have returned with our errant daughter and her chosen mate!”

I'm intending to save this for when I'm married and with a daughter. Do you mind awfully if I do?

“I'm sure you require nutrients from your long journey. Come join us!”

I'm suspecting you're just knocking yourself out writing that, but I can't say I mind.

“Hisao.” I say, patting the space beside me. “Get over here. Please.”

Here comes The Talk. At long last. I hope.

was when he first met.

we, dear friend, we.

We stay there for a little while, I continue to listen to his heart and just enjoy being with him. He begins stroking my hair, a little unsteadily at first, but he grows bolder when he decides that I like it. And I do, it's always been soothing to me, it makes my head grow quiet. Everything grows quiet.
Eventually my stomach begins to interrupt the peaceful silence again, and we disentangle ourselves from the couch and from eachother.

Yet another evidence of Writing Convergent Evolution, as I like to call it.

having to found out

find. Olala. :3

I will MISSING ARGUMENT myself to stay awake with all my might as my dreams slowly creep forward.

force? tell? Is there even a missing argument? Why are languages so confusing?

“Seiji.” I say quickly, panic seizing my throat. “Seiji, sit down.”

“What are you on about, Suki?” The boy beside me asks, giving me a confused smile.

“Please, please, sit down. You have to. You have to!” I cry, grabbing him by the shoulders. He stares at me, uncomprehending.

“I don't feel like I'm about to go dark, Suzu.” He says.

“And besides, even if I do, I've got you here to catch me, right?”

Neat hint, and enough for anyone to do an educated guess (the better sort of guess), but at this point, only a full blown reveal will quench my thirst for knowledge.

“Can you come with me?” I ask now that both of us are wide awake. I am. I know I am. If he isn't, he will be soon.

He will be soon.

“Where are we going?” He yawns, but then peers at me carefully. Something is wrong, and he knows it.

Something has been wrong for a long time. A year, in fact.

“Come on.” I say quietly, motioning towards the front hall.

“I want to see the sun set over the power lines.”

Hisao follows me, frowning with concern, but wanting to see where I'm going with this.

Ah!

pylons

not enough of them are constructed.

“An older brother. His name was Seiji.”

I'm a prophet.

The Reveal.

...
...
You know. It's funny. I'd more or less guessed what that was going to be about. I, for all intent and purposes, knew it. And yet, actually reading is, well. Powerful. Liberating. Devoid of the liberating emptiness after pain. A high point.
It's on par with the high points of Emi, Rin or Hanako's route in my book. Excellent. Fitting.
It's in moments like this that I'm really glad I discovered you fic.
So yeah.
Keep being you.

[Spry]

Well.

I didn't expect an update within the week and I didn't expect that the guy would really be his brother. Ah, crap that was a really good chapter. Now I want to read the whole thing again. Good job man.

[Doomish]

Holy mother of crap. That is all there is to say on the matter.

EDIT: Here's a version without the 'there are no words'. I think I like this one better to be honest.

[theartificial]

Doomish the drawings you do for this story are A-draw-able.

[JTemby]

Doomish the drawings you do for this story are A-draw-able.

My exact reaction
I really am getting too much use out of that .gif
By the way, I believe that YouTube URL in your signature is broken >.<

[theartificial]

Doomish the drawings you do for this story are A-draw-able.

My exact reaction
I really am getting too much use out of that .gif
By the way, I believe that YouTube URL in your signature is broken >.<

And I got too much enjoyment out of that .gif!
Thanks for telling me, I believe I've fixed it now.

[Guest]

I guess you could call this... a pseuzu route.

Well played. Well played indeed.

[YourFavAnon]

This chapter was quite interesting. I'll agree with what Mirage said a bit earlier with just him falling and busting his head being the cause of death, yet... at the same time, it's possible. If the guy fell flat forward into concrete, it's completely possible. I figured it would have been something a bit more, I don't know, tragic? But, that's not to say it still wasn't powerful and suiting. The fact that she finally opened up to Hisao is a big time thing, and I'm intrigued to see what happens because of this.

[Bagheera]

I like the update, but I'm kinda with Mirage on the big reveal. With the amount of guilt she's carrying around I expected something more specific, something she could twist into making her out to be responsible. As is, I'm not really seeing it.