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SemisoftCheese wrote:i've been pondering this for a while... so i did the natural thing and posted on the internet about it.

so there's this girl... and she likes me. we talk and flirt. alot. i get along with her perfectly and she understands me perfectly. i think she's pretty cute and easy to get along with. we hang out a ton and chat daily. it's the perfect situation.

so, where's the kicker?

she's in a relationship with my friend. who i love as a dude. could not find a nicer man under the sun. more recently, she's been flirting really intensely with me, because to be honest, her boyfriend's a really boring dude (but i still love him).

so there's this event she's been wanting me to ask her to (that her boyfriend can't bring her to). if i do it, i'm pretty sure they'll break up and i'll end up in a relationship with her. this is like a 95% probability.

if they break up, there's no blame on me. he's really that nice a guy. so it's really down to my call.

i really like her and i'd love to have a relationship with her. but i'm pretty sure if i take her to the dance, i get the "dick of the year" award for taking a girl away from my friend.

thoughts?

Umm... damn. never been in that kind of situation before.


don't think theres much i can say but do what you think is right. if whats going on right now doesn't settle well with you then stop. and if it does well then your decision.

If it comes down to it just remember this Semi. If he is really that forgiving of a person you should maybe ask him first? I honestly have no idea considering I'm not that big on relationships. I recently got a girlfriend myself by what I feel is pure luck.

StudyOfWumbology wrote:If it comes down to it just remember this Semi. If he is really that forgiving of a person you should maybe ask him first? I honestly have no idea considering I'm not that big on relationships. I recently got a girlfriend myself by what I feel is pure luck.

That sounds like a good idea actually. Maybe a heart-to-heart chat with your friend might be in order.

When emotions are involved, its hard to know the outcome.

Its hard to understand what may happen.

You see, this boring guy may actually love this girl. He may be in love with her. If this guy comes around and start asking questions about his relationship he may get extremely pissed off and start asking questions that may be hard to answer. Once he finds out his girlfriend has been flirting with his best friend he may flip out and do something unpredictable.

Also, its important to think if this girl is really worth it. I mean, she is making moves on his boyfriend best friend. Nothing good can come out of it.

And if you love this guy like your brother you shoudnt even be dealing with his girl. Its a no-no situation. Bros before hoes. If this guy is really important and may turn out to be your friend for life or you know him for years, you deserve him respect. Stay away from his girl. There are dozens of bitches out there, thousands of single women, and youre looking at your friends girl? That is stupid.

And dream girls dont exist. The first and best way of geting screwed by a girl is to put her in a pedestal and believe she is the solution to all your problems.

SemisoftCheese wrote:i'm pretty sure if i take her to the dance, i get the "dick of the year" award for taking a girl away from my friend.

You're not taking her away from anybody. If she's so clearly into you and actively flirting as such, how much of her does the guy really have in the first place?

Besides, she's not a damn Gameboy or something. You can't take her away from anyone. She can choose to improve her life by going with the guy she really wants, and that's it. Nobody's taking from anyone. There's no property here. Just two people who have a shot at improving their hands in this card game called life...And as for the other guy, well...Card games always have losers. And if he's really as dull as you suggest, his hand in it was rigged all along. If it's not you, it'll be some other guy that's more interesting than this dude.

"Taking" someone's girl isn't a one-man job anyway. It takes three. It takes the guy not sufficiently fulfilling the chick's wants/needs, it takes a second guy who potentially does, and then it takes the girl willing to make a switch. You can't be blamed for making an improvement any more than he can be blamed for not being enough.

I play a fair deal of poker. Some people are sore losers. She actively flirts with you, you're into her. Sounds like a good hand to me. Now you have a choice to make: You can play your hand and risk the backlash from the losing party (lost friendship, etcetera)...Or you can bide your time until he folds because again, if it's not you, it will be someone or something else. And then neither of you gets anything.

@Warwise: Nothing against you but I personally would not take girl advice from a guy who just referred to them as "dozens of bitches"...

SemisoftCheese wrote:i've been pondering this for a while... so i did the natural thing and posted on the internet about it.

so there's this girl... and she likes me. we talk and flirt. alot. i get along with her perfectly and she understands me perfectly. i think she's pretty cute and easy to get along with. we hang out a ton and chat daily. it's the perfect situation.

so, where's the kicker?

she's in a relationship with my friend. who i love as a dude. could not find a nicer man under the sun. more recently, she's been flirting really intensely with me, because to be honest, her boyfriend's a really boring dude (but i still love him).

so there's this event she's been wanting me to ask her to (that her boyfriend can't bring her to). if i do it, i'm pretty sure they'll break up and i'll end up in a relationship with her. this is like a 95% probability.

if they break up, there's no blame on me. he's really that nice a guy. so it's really down to my call.

i really like her and i'd love to have a relationship with her. but i'm pretty sure if i take her to the dance, i get the "dick of the year" award for taking a girl away from my friend.

thoughts?

What is more important. The girl or the friend?

In your situation, You apparently couldn't choose both of them. To some people, Friends are more important than lover. But for others (including me), It's vice-versa. (IMHO, I expect what my friend can give in what my lover can give)

If you take the girl. You will have a relationship with a loving girlfriend who potentially become your soul-mate and live happily ever after with the cost of a best friend and bad publicity. (which you might don't have to cares about it)

or, you might take the friend and potentially become your friend for life with your reputation intact with the cost of opportunity to get a relationship.

or, you might let things as it's be. Take your times to decide later, but don't surprised if one day the time is out.

Your choice.

There are dozens of bitches out there, thousands of single women, and you're looking at your friends girl? That is stupid.

I personally would use "thousands of single women" thing when anyone with broken heart, and it's not anyone's fault that she likes him and he likes her. Love might sometimes sound unreasonable. But it is love anyway.

Xanatos wrote:

SemisoftCheese wrote:i'm pretty sure if i take her to the dance, i get the "dick of the year" award for taking a girl away from my friend.

-snip-

I'm with Xan on this one. You shouldn't look at it as you "stealing" her from your friend or anything like that, that's a flawed way of looking at it. It does sound like one thing you do need though is closure, either one way or another. There is nothing worse than wondering "what if?" you had taken your chance with her. And if she's talking to other people, namely you, while she's dating your friend, then she will probably end up leaving him for someone else later on if not you now. It's just something to think about, but as others have already said that's entirely up to you.

If your friend is a true friend who truly cares about you and the girl he's dating then he would understand. Keep us updated on how it turns out.

SemisoftCheese wrote:their relationship is the kind that exists for the sake of existing. i know what's underneath the surface... it's not much. i know my friend super-well and i know her super-well, and i know their relationship super-well. trust me when i say there's not much to it.

Then I guess I've given my answer already:

muliebrity wrote:You wouldn't be "taking a girl away from [your] friend", she's a sentient being and the worst you'd be doing is being more interesting to her than he is, and if anyone would take home dick of the year it would have to be both of you.

Like we've been saying, it takes two to flirt. If this has been going on for a year, though, I feel for your friend, and your blue balls. Shit or get off the pot, already.

I also am in the camp that thinks talking to your friend about it might be in order, but I would be much more keen on confronting her. She has to decide what she wants. Make your feelings known if you want, then wait for an answer. Or don't, then hit on a barista.

first off, i want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who replied. i've been struggling with this for a while and i really appreciate the input.

i'll reply to some posts below and then state what i think i'm going to do at the end.

StudyOfWumbology wrote:If he is really that forgiving of a person you should maybe ask him first?

pandaphil wrote: That sounds like a good idea actually. Maybe a heart-to-heart chat with your friend might be in order.

He is that forgiving of a person... but I don't really think there's anything to say verbally. It's either "I flirt with your girlfriend, I think she likes me more than you, can I date her," or... "your girlfriend flirts with me alot... how do feel about that?"

Both of these conversations automatically ruin my friendship with him, while gaining me nothing. He's an easygoing dude, but those conversations are conversations I wouldn't have with anyone, because they're offensive from the start.

Warwise wrote:Stay away from his girl. There are dozens of bitches out there, thousands of single women, and youre looking at your friends girl? That is stupid.
And dream girls dont exist. The first and best way of geting screwed by a girl is to put her in a pedestal and believe she is the solution to all your problems.

I see your point... but you seem a little angry... let's just say that out of the thousands of girls out there, she's the #1 right now. Yes, there are other girls in my life, and yes, they're date-able, but I get along with her the best. I wouldn't say she's the solution to all my problems, but she's pretty fun to hang out with, so she might make my days easier. I'll address the point about him being my "bro" at the bottom.

Auratus wrote: If you take the girl. You will have a relationship with a loving girlfriend who potentially become your soul-mate and live happily ever after with the cost of a best friend and bad publicity. (which you might don't have to cares about it)

or, you might take the friend and potentially become your friend for life with your reputation intact with the cost of opportunity to get a relationship.

or, you might let things as it's be. Take your times to decide later, but don't surprised if one day the time is out.

Your choice.

Yeah, you're pretty right here. I've logicked this out all at the bottom, but as for the time constraint, I've got to decide whether to ask her to the dance in about a month or so.

Xanatos wrote:
You're not taking her away from anybody. If she's so clearly into you and actively flirting as such, how much of her does the guy really have in the first place?
If it's not you, it'll be some other guy that's more interesting than this dude.

"Taking" someone's girl isn't a one-man job anyway. It takes three. It takes the guy not sufficiently fulfilling the chick's wants/needs, it takes a second guy who potentially does, and then it takes the girl willing to make a switch. You can't be blamed for making an improvement any more than he can be blamed for not being enough.

I play a fair deal of poker. Some people are sore losers. She actively flirts with you, you're into her. Sounds like a good hand to me. Now you have a choice to make: You can play your hand and risk the backlash from the losing party (lost friendship, etcetera)

I've thought a lot along the same lines as you've written. I guess replying to this is my plan as a whole.

After bouncing this out for a while in my head, I think I'm going to ask her to the dance. If it's not me, it's going to be some other guy, and I'd like to have this one. The guy she's dating isn't one of my best friends--I've just known him for a long time. He's not going to be offended if I date his girl, nor will he stop talking to me because of it. Like I said, he's a super dude. And if it ruins my friendship with him--I don't really know. It's hard to value one thing over the other. From what I know, he'll be okay with it.

I really enjoy this girl's company, and I'd love a relationship with her. I just texted her straight for an hour, and I had this maniac smile on my face the entire time. As Xanatos said, I'm going to play out the hand I'm dealt. Yes, I do feel a little guilty about "stealing another man's girl," and there's nothing I can really change about that. It's just the cards that are on the table--just got to pick them up and play what you think will turn out best. Folding gets you nowhere. If it comes down the road where I know I'm risking too much for this relationship, I'll fold. But for now, I've chosen to play.

Once again, thank you all for your replies. If you've got anything more to say I'm all ears.

SemisoftCheese wrote:I'm all ears.

In that case, I'd skip this relationship business and seek some major cosmetic surgery. I've never seen a guy made of ears but it can't be too pretty.

Xanatos wrote:
In that case, I'd skip this relationship business and seek some major cosmetic surgery. I've never seen a guy made of ears but it can't be too pretty.

^ This.
You won the Internet way too many times already. Xanatos. (At least he apparently understand our post, So he might use his ear to senses letter on screen)

@SemisoftCheese If I were in your situation. I would actually use less "straightforward" way. But I rather not post it here as I don't sure this would work or not.

To try it, I need someone to have a crush on me first...

Xanatos wrote:

SemisoftCheese wrote:I'm all ears.

In that case, I'd skip this relationship business and seek some major cosmetic surgery. I've never seen a guy made of ears but it can't be too pretty.

* face-palms self*

Xanatos wrote:

SemisoftCheese wrote:i'm pretty sure if i take her to the dance, i get the "dick of the year" award for taking a girl away from my friend.

@Warwise: Nothing against you but I personally would not take girl advice from a guy who just referred to them as "dozens of bitches"...

Maybe.

The deal is:

Geting women is far easier than geting real friends.

Now, having a true and wonderfull relationship with a woman is harder than making friends, but considering this girl I wouldnt think of her as relationship material (specially since she is flirting with the best friend of his boyfriend).

Now, she is doing at least two things wrong there.
One, she is not single, so she is fucking his boyfriend, and not in the proper way.
Two, she is flirting with her boyfriend friend, which may destroy the relationship.

In my book, a good girl, "relationship" material, would not only recognize those things but also wouldnt do them. It may be too ideal, but fortunaly Ive met a fair share of girls with proper morals to make me believe they are not that rare.
Also, people make excuses for anything they want. She may be flirting with other guys because the relationship is "boring". Hell, once passion fades, all relationships are "boring". What if she start dating this new guy and after a while finds him "Boring". Is that enough of an excuse to cheat on him or disrespect him?

Or this guy believes he is special? "Wont happen to me" shit. That doesnt happen.

So, in short, this girls action show us her morals are flawed. And that, in my book, means she is not relationship material, because Im only looking forward to have a proper relationship with a girl if she respect the relationship as much as I do. Now, if people dont have such high standarts, then go for it. But I wouldnt.

@SemisoftCheese: Sorry that i haven't read your entire situation (i skimmed it, in fact) but i would just like to say that you should listen to Xanatos's advice above all. Also, i think you're overthinking this a bit, i can understand why you feel torn about it, but...

Warwise wrote:The deal is:

Geting women is far easier than getting real friends.

Except for all the times that isn't true, of course...

There is nothing wrong in pursuing what one wants.