Katawa Shoujo Forums

I do feel that this is one of the more reasonable follow ups to Hanako's bad end. Hisao takes the initiative, but his approach is honest, subdued, and perhaps most importantly, puts everything into Hanako's hands, just as the text message in her good ending did. I had mixed feelings about her reaction, though. I kind of like that she asked for a "trial separation" of sorts, in that they couldn't even really be friends for a while, but what I don't like is that she brought up the idea of a romantic relationship at all. Having Hisao awkwardly ask if they could have one only for her to reject him just came off as kind of awkward, especially with the "chaste" kiss that she left him with afterward. His subsequent fall into depression felt spot on.

On the other hand, I like the way her relationship with Lilly was mended what with her willingness to acquiesce with Hanako's "demands." I think that kind of goes to show that if Hanako had been honest with her to begin with, Lilly would have been all too happy to treat her equally.

The ending is where things fell a bit flat for me. Hisao's decision to just cut things off completely felt kind of stilted, and Hanako's perhaps overly dramatic confession felt out of character. The epilogue felt a little extraneous, and I wasn't exactly a fan of how it lampshaded the good ending of the route. And maybe it's just me, but with them in a "stable" relationship, I am not sure that they would have sex for the first time anytime soon. Hanako had a very specific reason for doing what she did in the good route, and things just weren't reflected in the same way in this story.

But don't let my ridiculous nitpickiness put you off! I thought it was a good story overall; it just seems that Bad End Fixes are more open to scrutiny than any other kind of story on here.

@Everyone: Thanks for the kind comments!

Oscar Wildecat wrote:This is one of the better post-bad ending fics I've read in a while. I particularly like the panicked kiss scene at the end. If the original bad ending screamed "GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!", this screamed "DON'T GO! DON'T GO! DON'T GO!" -- a fitting inversion of desperation.

Haha, yeah, I'll admit that's why I made a point of trying to set the last scene in Hanako's room--I have a thing for symmetry. Thanks!

Mahorfeus wrote:I do feel that this is one of the more reasonable follow ups to Hanako's bad end. Hisao takes the initiative, but his approach is honest, subdued, and perhaps most importantly, puts everything into Hanako's hands, just as the text message in her good ending did. I had mixed feelings about her reaction, though. I kind of like that she asked for a "trial separation" of sorts, in that they couldn't even really be friends for a while, but what I don't like is that she brought up the idea of a romantic relationship at all. Having Hisao awkwardly ask if they could have one only for her to reject him just came off as kind of awkward, especially with the "chaste" kiss that she left him with afterward. His subsequent fall into depression felt spot on.

Yeah, I've had multiple people tell me that the kiss on the cheek felt out of character, and I can see why in retrospect. I guess I'd been thinking that with Hanako's sense of fairness, she would feel bad after his heartfelt letter to treat him kind of coldly, and that's what would motivate it--but since that scene is from Hisao's POV, I guess it doesn't really come through clearly enough to justify it, and kind of seems like she's toying with him. I've decided to just remove the peck on the cheek in the revised version to simplify matters, since it wasn't really crucial to anything.

The ending is where things fell a bit flat for me. Hisao's decision to just cut things off completely felt kind of stilted, and Hanako's perhaps overly dramatic confession felt out of character. The epilogue felt a little extraneous, and I wasn't exactly a fan of how it lampshaded the good ending of the route. And maybe it's just me, but with them in a "stable" relationship, I am not sure that they would have sex for the first time anytime soon. Hanako had a very specific reason for doing what she did in the good route, and things just weren't reflected in the same way in this story.

I've also heard this multiple times now, so I'm going to try and address it. In my revised version I've added an extra Hanako POV scene after Hisao leaves the room to build things up to the kiss a bit better, and I've also changed a few details to make things feel more natural. Hopefully that'll work to improve the ending without taking away what other people liked about it. As for the epilogue, I may actually "kill my baby" and cut that whole synopsis-style part of it, which is unfortunate because I kind of liked it, but when I hear the same criticism from several places I kinda have to pay attention.

In any case, I'm working on getting the revised version up within the next day or three. When I do, I'll leave the original links up as well since some people may prefer that version.

I thought Hisao and Hanako already had sex in canon, regardless of which end you got?

I've always thought that Hanako was a conflicted person, in that while she resents being treated like a child, she isn't quite ready to handle things if they are presented in a mature manner to her. Your fic handled this aspect pretty well, and it gladdens me that for once, she said,"F*** what the others think. I want to do this my way." and did the kissing in public. Both in the Good End and here, it brings home the point that for once, she wants to live her life and not be bound by what others think of her or how they treated her.

Well now.
You had me going with Hisao's depression there. Thought this would end much differently than it did.

Any way, this was enjoyable. Good job.