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Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:47 pm
by acquireTigris
Mirage_GSM wrote:Nice chapter again.

Less inconsistencies than the last one, though you should still think about getting a proofreader.
Boy would I love to have one. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who would do it for me at the moment since most of my friends who read aren't into Katawa Shoujo. On the bright side, you're the next best thing I have to a proofreader. :lol:

In other news, more than 900 views for just four chapters? Wow. I'm no optimist, but I'm sure this is good news. I guess this stacks up against me not screwing this up.

Thanks for reading so far guys.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:56 pm
by azumeow
The freaking dialogue between Miki, Suzu and Hisao. It's lovely. :lol:

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 7:06 pm
by AntonSlavik020
Nice chapter. You're definitely improving with each update.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:09 pm
by dewelar
acquireTigris wrote:In other news, more than 900 views for just four chapters? Wow.
Heh...people tend to pounce anytime they see "Miki" in the title of anything :) . Since it's a bit early on yet, I'm not going to comment further other than to say I'll be keeping an eye on this.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 12:34 am
by acquireTigris
dewelar wrote:Heh...people tend to pounce anytime they see "Miki" in the title of anything :)
That actually explains a lot. Hopefully I won't let any of you down.

I edited the starting post a bit to reflect a few of my thoughts on Miki. The next chapter will be up in a couple of days or so.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 9:46 am
by Mirage_GSM
Viewcount doesn't tell you anything. That counter will go up every time someone opens the thread, no matter if they've been in there before or not or if they read a new chapter or just the latest comment. And if they open the thread again five minutes later to read the next comment the counter will increase once more.
I've probably given some threads more than 200 "views" without ever reading more than the first post, since it's a convenient way to keep threads from showing up under "unread"

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 9:52 am
by dewelar
Mirage_GSM wrote:Viewcount doesn't tell you anything. That counter will go up every time someone opens the thread, no matter if they've been in there before or not or if they read a new chapter or just the latest comment. And if they open the thread again five minutes later to read the next comment the counter will increase once more.
I've probably given some threads more than 200 "views" without ever reading more than the first post, since it's a convenient way to keep threads from showing up under "unread"
This is mostly true. There's some correlation, but it's weaker than most people think. Also, this is why I make liberal use of the "Mark topics read" feature :) .

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 10:04 am
by acquireTigris
I'm not new to forums like these. I know that every visit regardless of your ip address is counted. You could probably spam refresh on the first post and get more views. The point remains; I didn't expect the numbers to grow in such a short period of time. And all this makes me feel happy inside.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/27)

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 5:11 pm
by Eurobeatjester
acquireTigris wrote:I'm not new to forums like these. I know that every visit regardless of your ip address is counted. You could probably spam refresh on the first post and get more views. The point remains; I didn't expect the numbers to grow in such a short period of time. And all this makes me feel happy inside.
It's a good feeling when it happens, and it's a great motivation to keep writing. 8)

Your writing has become a lot more impressive as it's been evolving. Keep it up! You'll love it when you get to the point where you look back at your first few chapters and go "Oh man, I can't believe how bad this is" :lol:

Marvel

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:19 am
by acquireTigris
Marvel

Speed. That's what I'm striving to achieve. At least it's what I'll be striving to achieve as soon as I get some good air in my lungs. I'm starting to realize that this is why stamina building is a necessity for athletes. With all that said, I can also begin to see what a runner's high feels like.

Today's jogging session with Miki goes without a hitch. I wish I could say I've improved in a span of three days, but that just isn't possible. At the end of every session so far, I'm always left a sweating heaving mess, but at least my muscle aches are much more manageable. Waking up early for this is starting to feel too much like a chore, though. But I probably shouldn't complain. This will benefit me in the long run. Right?

"Hey Miki," I say, calling her attention while we're stretching. I'm squatting, left leg bent and under my body, my right leg extended, and I'm trying to reach for my toes. She's mirroring me, but she's having a better time pulling her toes toward her.

"Hmm?" She shifts her focus from her stretching to me, keeping her pose flawless. "Your knee's 're bending there, mmh," she points with her mouth.

"Oh, right, sorry." I try to keep my leg straight, but it'll probably just end up bending again. "I was wondering. Why doesn't Emi oversee my jogging sessions. Isn't she the, uhh, 'Nurse's official envoy of physical training' or something?"

Emi's official title is rewarded with a chuckle from Miki. "Nah, she's nothing like that. She just happens to be really good friends with the school Nurse. Makes things easy for him to keep tabs on you while giving Emi someone to run with."

"I see... Wait." I squat on the ground, my palms pushing up against my thighs. "So you're saying that all this jogging since yesterday probably isn't sanctioned by the Nurse?"

"Nope, probably not," she confides, sitting down on the ground as well. She pulls her crossed legs up against her body while she rests her chin on a knee.

"Does this mean I don't actually have to do all of this?"

"Not if you didn't want to." She smiles, looking very charming with her current pose. I hate it when she toys with me like this.

"You wasted two mornings that I could've spent getting more sleep into my system." I whine, pushing a palm up my face.

"Sleep for a while longer and you'd be a good replacement for Suzu. Besides, this is healthy for you, Hisao. I'm helping you. You can sleep when you're dead."

Miki's last phrase hits me like a truck. She had a point, sure, but nothing hit home harder than the threat of death looming just around the corner. I feel like I should be insulted, but instead I am sobered from my procastinative attitude.

"-Rth to Hisao? Are you okay up there? Over." I must've spaced out, because I see that Miki's no longer sitting down and is instead on all fours, examining me like a curious kitten. Her face is much closer to mine compared to when she was just sitting.

"I'm fine," I say, looking back at her pensively. "It's just... about what you just said... I think you just gave me a wake-up call."

A look of concern bends her mouth into a frown. "I didn't say anything insulting now, did I?"

"No... Well, yes," I admit, "but I wasn't as insulted as I should be."

She frowns even more. "Sorry. Which part?"

"Dying."

Miki bites her lip. I leave her to her thoughts. I'm not sure why I'm opening up to her, and in the weirdest of times, too. I guess that's what friends do. They leave their trust for one another.

I think three minutes went by before she says something. "Serious condition?" she asks in a calm tone.

I nod.

"So you're starting to see things in my light, then?"

"Probably. Yep."

"You're not gonna stop?"

"It's better for me if I don't."

"Good kid." She's back on both legs and offers me her good hand. I take it and she pulls me upright. "We more-or-less did the cooldown right, so I'm gonna say we should get ready for class."

"See you later, then." Miki waves to me before we go our separate ways. Meanwhile, I have pretty much cemented my commitment to our daily routine. I am still a bit reluctant about this, but I convince myself that this will be good for me in the long run, pun unintended.



We've started on a new topic in Physics. I've gotten used to Mutou's lectures. They're not particularly boring to me anymore, but most of the class doesn't seem to agree with me. My classmates are either spacing out, falling asleep, or finding ways to amuse themselves without getting caught by the teacher. I look behind me to see which of the three Hanako is doing, only to be severely disappointed with an empty seat. I worry about her sometimes, but I guess worrying wouldn't change her nonattendance.

"Now, the buoyant force of an object completely submerged in the liquid is equal to the weight of the displaced liquid. Can anyone tell me why that's the case?" Mutou looks around the room for volunteers, but he is disappointed by the lack of hands in the air. I can see that he wants to call someone out of random, but I take one for the team and raise my hand. It wasn't too difficult of a question anyway. The teacher finds my raised arm and motions for me to stand.

"I guess it's because even though the object sinks, it's still exerting some force on the liquid by increasing the volume in whatever container is holding it, and the liquid reacts accordingly by pushing it's own, equal force on the object."

Mutou looks impressed. "As good a guess as any, Hisao, and you hit the mark as well. Nicely done. You may be seated." I do just that. "As you all know, buoyancy was discovered by the ancient scientist and mathematician Archimedes when he climbed into his tub. He saw that when something enters a body of water, it displaces water by the volume of the body submerged. This coincides with Isaac Newton's third law. 'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'. I guess one could say that this law applies not only to motion, but to life as well. Many of you might not be familiar with string theory. In layman's terms, you could sum it up to 'The Buttefly Effect'. You might be asking, 'what does that have to do with anything'? The answer to that is, in fact, everything. What I'm trying to say is, everything that anyone does will have the appropriate repercussions in the future, near or distant. If you try to fill a container with something, you push out an equal volume of something else. Applied to string theory, and you change the entire course of the rest of a timeline once a decision is made. Just thinking of a decision springs multiple possible events, creating alternate -."

The bell rings before things drift further from the topic at hand. Though it's obvious that most of the class wasn't listening to him, Mutou is thoroughly disappointed that he couldn't continue his lecture.

It seems like he forgot about last meeting's homework, too; he just arranges his desk and fixes his things while the students are leaving. I can see Miki and Suzu grinning their mouths off just outside the door, waiting for me. They probably forgot to do their homework. I sigh at the both of them as I rummage through my bag and place my work on the teacher's desk. Mutou looks up at me, then down at my papers, then back at me. "Thanks for remembering to pass, Hisao," Mutou smiles awkwardly. "The earlier I grade this, the easier my job gets." His face becomes pensive as he stops to think. "I guess I'll let the rest of the class off until next meeting." I look to the side and find myself embarrassed to look at the pair who are glaring at me like I've ruined their drug empire by talking to the authorities.

"I'll still see you for the symposium a few weeks from now, right?" Mutou asks me. I nod and take my leave.

As soon as I get out of the classroom, Miki punches my shoulder. "OW!" I cry out. "Being physical about anything is never the right way to solve your problems," I grumble as I rub the injury. I think a bruise is forming as I speak.

"Neither is being the teacher's pet," Miki growls. "Jeez, Hisao, why do you always have to be such a buzzkill?"

"I was going to start on it yesterday, but I fell asleep before I could even write on it," Suzu complains. Likely story.

"You two do realize that I was going to help you with your physics homework after this, right?" I explain.

The two start analyzing me, checking me if I was a double agent of sorts, doubting my credibility. A moment later, Miki claps my shoulder and smiles. "I knew you had it in ya'," she confides.

Yeah, right.

"But I'm not giving you the answers for free. You two have to study and answer it yourselves. I'll just be here to teach you how to answer it."

"Aww c'mon!/Sounds reasonable," the two say at the same time. Miki stares at Suzu in disbelief. "Suzu, not you too!" the taller one complains.

"If you're not learning in school, you're doing it wrong," the other reasons out. "Besides, Physics is just Math with a little real world application."

"Math is for gaylords," Miki grins. "I'd rather smo-."

Before she could finish her sentence, Suzu slaps her hand and makes an eye motion at me like I'm hearing what I'm not supposed to hear. I feel left out.

"What I meant to say was," Miki continues, her smile askew, slightly embarrassed, "I'd rather, uhh, watch grass grow. Because grass growing is much more exciting than Math." I guess Suzu can be assertive when she needs to be.

Miki digs through her pocket for a stopwatch, eyes it for a moment, then puts it back where it belongs. "I better go," she says. "Track meet's this Sunday and I better do some last-minute exercises to get me ready."

"It's really this Sunday?" Suzu asks, her indignation immediately disappearing. "Oh gosh, I totally forgot. Good luck! I'll be rooting for you from the bleachers." She's practically leaping in place with her bag in both hands in front of her.

"Thanks, kiddo," the taller girl replies. "I'll see you two later."

I open my mouth to wish her luck, too, but she's already jogged too far away to hear. I settle with a wave she'll never see, then turn to Suzu. "So, where to?"

"The library," she says while walking. "We've got a Lit club meeting today, and Yuuko's going to need to officially sign the newest member in."

"The newest member being me, of course. But Yuuko? Why Yuuko?" I ask as I follow her.

"Because she's our faculty head, silly." Suzu lets out a giggle. "Every club needs a faculty head. And who better to head our club than Yuuko?"

I nod. She definitely was the perfect candidate.

"Anyway, she'll be thrilled to know you're-..." Suzu suddenly trails off and wobbles in front of me. Did she fall asleep in the middle of a sentence? While standing? Oh crap.

"A li'l help, pleez..." she half-whispers. Without warning, she falls back-first towards me. I whisper curse as I catch her. I thank my luck that she's short; the back of her head might've broken my nose if she were as tall as Miki. "Thanks..." she mumbles before drifting off.

"Suzu? Hey Suzu, snap out of it," I yelp, but I don't think she hears me. I wrap my arms around her lower ribs and I try to pull her like this to the library. Thank goodness she's light. Otherwise I'd be a sweating heaving mess by the time I reach there.

As I enter the hallway leading to the library, I notice the gleam of a pair of glasses coming from the ramp. I would've ignored it if it weren't for the red-and-orange scarf that fluttered below the glasses. I think this guy is hiding in the most public walkway ever. "Kenji, this isn't what it looks like." I have no idea what it looks like, though. But judging from his thought process, it probably wasn't a pretty sight.

"You're dragging an unconscious girl," his disembodied voice floats from the ramp.

"Yeah, but-."

"And you're going to interrogate her," he declares.

"Wha-. I mean yes. Yes I am." I decide to play along with him. Maybe he'll go away faster.

"Good man, Hisao. I'll leave you to it, then."

My plan worked. Yes!

"I'll just stay here and keep an eye out for anyone who might foil your plans."

Great. Now someone else's day is going to get ruined.

"Yeah, you go do that," I say as I push the library's doors open with a foot and drag poor Suzu inside. Before I close them, I think I can hear Kenji yelling "How'd you find me here!?" followed by the most classy "Oh my," that anyone has ever heard. He's her problem now, not mine.

My arms start to feel numb as a voice from behind me greets me. "Welcome to the library. How may I help you?"

"Yuuko, can I have a hand with Suzu, please?" I whine.

"Oh, that's why you're dragging someone in, Hisao," I hear her reply, and I quickly find her in front of me lifting Suzu by her knee brace. "Thank goodness she isn't heavy, huh?"

"You can say that again," I mutter. I find myself extremely glad once we reach the beanbag-studded area where we usually hang out. I'm met by an apathetic pair of eyes who just watch while me and the librarian place Suzu in a comfortable spot. Akio looks at me like he's gazing at transparent glass, but Lezard's stare makes me feel like he hates my guts just for existing. I don't want to get into trouble, but that look of his is annoying me.

"Thanks for the help, Yuuko," I say with appreciation.

"It's no problem at all! I'm used to doing odd jobs anyway, carrying an off-object every once in a while, included..." She starts staring into the distance before sighing loudly. "And none of them pay much." I think she's crying again.

"H-hey!" I try to shift her attention somewhere. "I'm joining the Literature Club today. You're the faculty in charge, right? I'm gonna need you to make my membership official."

"H-huh?" She blinks at me, confused before what I said finally sinks in. "Oh y-yeah... Welcome aboard. It's nice to have a familiar face in the club. I'll file your paperwork for you so you don't have to do anything." Yuuko takes off her glasses, sniffs, then rubs her eyes with a finger before putting her spectacles back on.

"Great. Thanks. By the way, don't we have a meeting scheduled today?"

"Oh." She stops to assess the situation. "With Suzu sleeping like this, I don't think we can continue the meeting. We'll have to postpone it to next week."

"I see. So I don't have to do anything right now except read books?" I pick one up from the floor. It's the Shakespearean volume that Suzu read yesterday.

"Go on ahead," Yuuko confirms. "I'll be in the front desk if you guys need anything, okay?" She then walks away, leaving me with my new club mates.

"Knock yourself out," Akio smiles. I think he meant that as a joke. Lezard glares at him, then at me, before burying his face in his own book. What a shady guy.

I shift my attention to my tome. I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it had Japanese translations already written in it. This'll make reading a whole lot easier. Compared to Silas Marner. That dumb book. I hate it and what it stands for. I shift my thoughts from it and let time fly by reading the book at hand.



While I was distracted by a bunch of confused lovers running through a forest, the girl beside me stirs.

"...Stumpfist..."

What?

"...nks for saving..."

Did she just say "Stumpfist"?

I shift my attention from the book to Suzu, and she's lipping out words while slipping slowly from the beanbag she's on.I look around to ask the other guys if Suzu's sleep-talking was a regular occurrence, but I find that we are alone. Shafts of orange light are permeating from the windows and motes of dust flitter through the beams. I guess it's past time to leave.

Suzu suddenly drops from her chair, and the jolt is enough to wake her from her nap.

"Hudduh... wha'h happund?" she moans.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," I declare, closing my book for added dramatic effect. "You didn't miss much after our little trust fall. There was no meeting 'cause you slept for so long. And we're club mates now."

"Hnnh," she yawns. "Whoopee." She doesn't have much enthusiasm, but that's probably because she's still tired from her nap. "I didn't drop on the floor from a while back, did I?"

"Nope. Remember, we had this 'trust fall' thing going on. Who's Stumpfist?" I nonchalantly ask her in the middle of the conversation. Hopefully, her dreams are still fresh enough for her to remember.

She glances at me, flushing in embarrassment either from rescuing her from a fall or from the Stumpfist comment.

"Well? We don't have all day. The library's probably closing in a few minutes." I tap on the floor with a foot.

Suzu's lower lip quivers. She's cute when she's being apprehended. "Alright, fine!... It's my superhero name for Miki." She looks like I just caught her stealing cookies from the jar.

"Superhero name? Really."

"Well, yeah," she explains. "When I'm having dreams, she's usually there fighting crime and saving stuff. And she's my hero in real life, too; she takes care of me as we go to class and makes sure I don't take any nasty drops down flights of stairs."

I chuckle. "You've got a pretty wild imagination, there." Admittedly, I stop and think about Suzu's confession. I guess Miki really is a hero of sorts. She's one of the people in school who approached me and made me feel welcome in their company right away. Then again, there was Emi and Lilly as well, but my interactions with them didn't last long. I think it's because we're not classmates, and it's harder to talk to them aside from going outside of class.

"She really is a hero," I mutter.

"Huh?" Suzu asks. "I couldn't quite hear you."

"Nah, it's nothing," I answer.

"Okay then. Hey, wanna come with me to Miki's track meet? We can both cheer for her. I bet she'll do much better if her friends are there."

The thought of the two of us being there cheering for Miki brings a smile to my face. "I'd like that."

"Great!" Suzu smiles as well. "As a reward for doing that and helping me with my Physics homework later, I'll reward you by helping with that Silas Marner chapter review you're oh so obviously having a hard time on."

I grimace. "Don't remind me. I hate that book. And English. I hate English."

She giggles. "C'mon. I bet Yuuko's too scared to shoo us out of the library. We better go."

I can't help but chuckle as well as I follow her closely out to school grounds.

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Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 9/3)

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:25 am
by acquireTigris
Status Report:
I would've posted this chapter sooner, but recent events messed up my writing schedule. I had an impacted tooth extracted. The resulting swelling left me bed-ridden for days. In fact, I'm still in bed with a gigantic cheek. I thought that more bed time meant more writing time, but it turns out that the pain distracted me too much and I was browsing reddit and facebook for hours upon end instead. Not my most glorious moment in time management, I know, but I wouldn't blame me. I was hurting.

In other news, the next chapter will partially a copy of Scissorlips' track meet chapter. Not word for word, obviously; Hisao is not Suzu. But I will use it to continue my parallelism with the Suzu route the same way the Rin and Emi routes kept their chapters the same.

Hope you guys enjoy this one! I left a few references and some foreshadowing in there.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 9/3)

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 5:03 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Great, another Suzu with fairy-tail-narcolepsy. I blame YOU for all this, Scissorlips! :)

It seems a bit strange that the club meeting would be cancelled just because Suzu is sleeping, because that can't be too unusual an occurence...

Other than that a very nice chapter, especially the scenes with Miki.

Don't feel oblieged to follow too closely allong Scissor's story.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 9/3)

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 5:19 pm
by AntonSlavik020
It seems at this point that that's the way Suzu's narcolepsy is going to be handled in most fics, realistic or not. Also, any reason Hisao couldn't have just picked Suzu up? Surely that would be easier than dragging her.

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 9/3)

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 5:58 pm
by bhtooefr
Have you tried "just pick[ing] up" an object that's 100+ pounds, and then carrying it a significant distance (including down a flight of stairs, because the library is on the second floor) with a severe heart condition? And I use "object" intentionally, as it's easier to carry a person when the person's working with you, and Suzu very much would not have been (and, I haven't actually carried an unconscious person of that size, only thing in that weight range I've carried has been a transmission). (If she were a Hollywood narcoleptic, which is what's portrayed here, but seriously, let's knock it off with the Hollywood narcolepsy.)

Re: Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 9/3)

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 6:24 pm
by dewelar
bhtooefr wrote:but seriously, let's knock it off with the Hollywood narcolepsy.
Thirded. It's become the Error That Would Not Die, to the point that I can no longer take any story that uses it seriously.